Gay Groups Of Friends

[Ijustwannateach]

I belong to a few small coteries of gay friends which have a few loosely overlapping points. Some of the friends in some of these groups I only meet in the groups themselves, and have been doing so for years- I have developed more personal relationships with individuals in other cases, while continuing to meet them as part of the groups.

Every country I've been in Asia had some circles like this in the gay foreign community, and they invariably provide invaluable information, contacts, and support. Typically, they involve a lot of bitching, dishing, and political discussion, and locals may seem overwhelmed if they attempt to visit such covens!

I consider them my family away from home, and my life here would be much harder and bleaker without them. They are involved in all my holidays, my celebrations, and my consolations.

If you visit Thailand, do you frequently find yourself part of such groups? If you are resident here, do you belong to any, and how important are they to you?

"Steven"

[toptuan]

Typically, they involve a lot of bitching, dishing, and political discussion,

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Resident speaking here:

Probably, due to the above reasons, no, not part of my life here. Furthermore, the few times I've gotten together with non-gay farang groups, the whole time was spent in posturing and one-upsmanship: who's got the most impressive career, the most toys, the best credentials, the highest-profile contacts in Thailand, or Thai-bashing, etc.

I'm not anti-farang ("I ARE ONE"), just "been there," "done that", and now looking for something else. I'm friendly with any farangs I meet, but just choose to usually circulate among the Thai, for now.

Specifically, my social circle here is 100% Thai (90% str8 / 10% gay; 30% female / 70% male) which seems to satisfy my social needs. The Thai upcountry love eating out together, spending long hours around the table. With others, I enjoy touring about the region on weekends and holidays. Most of the Thai I associate with want to practice their English, so communication is not a problem (and the Thai-only conversations force me to practice my language skills/non-skills).

Of course, several contributing factors to my situation might be:

1) Living in Isan, where we farangs are fewer and farther apart anyway

2) Fulfilling a 20-year prior dream of seeing if I could integrate into a totally "other" culture (no, moving to Canada didn't excite me).

3) I'm still on my "honeymoon" with the culture and Thai partner (approaching 3 years)

and,

4) Finding this forum, which has gone a long way in answering many of my expat-related curiosities and need to share feelings best understood by other expats, gay and str8.

Well, there it is. Spilled my guts.

Interesting thread here, IJWT, and looking forward to hear how others circulate in LOS.

Edited January 3, 2006 by toptuan

[PeaceBlondie]

Most of my friends in Thailand are gay, farang, and over 30. Our little mooban has three of us now. I'm not finding friends fast in Hua Hin, but I don't run around in many groups, don't speak Thai, don't eat Thai food, etc. Which can trap you into counting a mamasan as a friend; even the lady hairdresser next door wants to have a discussion about the pretty, pretty boys that we call friends. Her word is 'lovely boy.'

In any country, it's not easy to have acquaintances that actually count as friends. A true friend is found once a decade, if you're lucky or blessed, and you work at it.

[ChrisP]

On my many (and longer) trips to LOS I have met several gay farang with whom I have have enjoyed chatting... especially at Dicks Cafe. I find I need my "English" fix regularly.. even though my bf speaks really good english.. it's not same-same..!

One guy in particular (who has a LTR with a similar type of "guy" as mine..) has become what I would count as a good friend.

If I didn't have this I think I would become very depressed and isolated....

ChrisP

[Scott]

I used to have a much better gay support-system some years back, but now I live in a "suburban" area of BKK, which is quite straight. My busy work schedule keeps me from doing a lot socially. I wish I had a better gay social system or place to hang out.

Suggestions are welcomed. (I am not much of a bar person--at least not crowded, noisy type bars). I used to love "Charlie's" on soi 2 years ago. It was nice, quiet and you could talk, but often had to bring your own friends!!

[flightcrew1]

Good Post.

Having lived here for 5 years I also have a circle of friends that I hang with. My group is both Thai and Farang. I tend to be able to talk about personal problems and general life living here with my farang friends as they understand the problems as they also live here. It's funny though when living in the states my friends were around my age. Living here I find my farang friends to be much older though I have several friends from work that are my age.

The Thai friends I have are really just "fluff" as I feel I can not take them too seriously and that includes my bf of 4+ years. They put their family first so any plans can change in a moments notice. They cancel constantly or show late for appointments or don't even show up at all with no apologies. It used to drive me insane at first but now I just bitch to my farang friends and we laugh about it.

This is how I survive living in Thailand by having good farang friends I can have meals with, drink with, and generally just get together. Weeks go by and I don't even go to Soi 4 as I look forward to dinner parties, gallery openings and going out to restaurants. When I do go to Soi 4 as I did over the holidays I have a great time there also.

Having my farang friends here keep me sane and happy!

[Buki]

it is rather lonely to be in a foreign country. I am Filipino (i hope you guys are ok for me to join and post) and looking for better oppurtunities here in BKK. I had a very solid circle of gay friends back home, and now I am here, its not the same. I am just glad that my bf will follow suit by Feb., I wont be that lonely. But I am still looking for friends. the one I can talk to, watch movies, bitch around, shop and whatever. Thai guys have their own circle. White men have their own. Now as for me, I just wonder.

Edited January 13, 2006 by Buki

[PeaceBlondie]

Buki, of course Filipinos are welcome to post here, but for your sake, I hope you don't resemble your gap-toothed avatar!

A friend of mine founded the Filipino Male Nurse's Association (or at least a Texas chapter of it), and he was gay. He fit in fine with the Whites and Asians in Houston (we almost dated, but that's quite another story!).

Welcome!

[Buki]

Buki, of course Filipinos are welcome to post here, but for your sake, I hope you don't resemble your gap-toothed avatar!

A friend of mine founded the Filipino Male Nurse's Association (or at least a Texas chapter of it), and he was gay. He fit in fine with the Whites and Asians in Houston (we almost dated, but that's quite another story!).

Welcome!

Thanks for the welcome.

of coure, I don't look like my avatar. He is far more goodlooking. LOL

Yeah, its easier to fit-in in the states. But when you are here, culturally, it difficult. Even, in my country, foreigners stay with their kind. But I want to prove that mentality wrong. We can get along well with anybody and with anyone.

[Ijustwannateach]

Yes, welcome. It's nice to see new folks here. (nice to see the old folks, too- where are you, SlapDashKitty???)

"Steven"

[DUMPSTER]

I find Filipinos tend to stick together and they don't seem to integrate very well with others. That's just my observation. I did meet one gay Filipino in Bangkok a year or so ago. A really nice guy, with a good teaching job, though he was a little eccentric.

My small gay circle of friends consists of a few Thais and no Caucasians. I personally don't need to surround myself with people and I am very happy with my own company. The farangs, where I live, seem to ignore each other. I always think they are embarrassed or ashamed of something. The few straights I know from work are pleasant enough, but we have nothing in common so I tend to avoid socializing with them.

I’m sure many would consider my life to be very lonely, which on the surface it would appear that way, but for me I’m very content. One of the good things about Thailand is that you can always find somebody to talk to if you want some company. Whenever I do venture out there always seems to be someone wanting to have a conversation with me. Smiling of course always makes someone more approachable.

[Nam Kao]

>>>I find Filipinos tend to stick together

OBSCENE POST

[Buki]

I find Filipinos tend to stick together and they don't seem to integrate very well with others. That's just my observation. I did meet one gay Filipino in Bangkok a year or so ago. A really nice guy, with a good teaching job, though he was a little eccentric.

My small gay circle of friends consists of a few Thais and no Caucasians. I personally don't need to surround myself with people and I am very happy with my own company. The farangs, where I live, seem to ignore each other. I always think they are embarrassed or ashamed of something. The few straights I know from work are pleasant enough, but we have nothing in common so I tend to avoid socializing with them.

I’m sure many would consider my life to be very lonely, which on the surface it would appear that way, but for me I’m very content. One of the good things about Thailand is that you can always find somebody to talk to if you want some company. Whenever I do venture out there always seems to be someone wanting to have a conversation with me. Smiling of course always makes someone more approachable.

i guess we are like that since we are in a foreign country. And basically, it is easier to relate to each other because we belong to the same country. Culturally, our family system is a support system, vice versa. So when you see a small group of Filipinos, they dont only consider themselves as friends, but a one family. We tend to look out for each other. That explains it all. Wherever you go, there always a small Filipino community. but there is a downside to it, when you stick too much to your group, there always be personality clashes. Its the same with the gay group also in the Philippines. Personally, I think it would easier for a foreigner to get a long with a Filipino, we tend to very flexible in some matters. They are really friendly, if you take it individually. Nothing wrong with it anyways.

Edited January 14, 2006 by Buki

[Ijustwannateach]

But are these Filipino groups you frequent *gay* groups? If not, are you able to be "out" to them?

"Steven"

[Buki]

But are these Filipino groups you frequent *gay* groups? If not, are you able to be "out" to them?

"Steven"

yes, its a gay group. but I am also involved in a straight group and I am out to them. They are open to these kind of things, and often asks relationship problems and how to solve them if it happened to my gay relastionship. Maybe I give them another perspective in solving problems. and they love it.

Edited January 14, 2006 by Buki

[DUMPSTER]

Nam Kao I don't see how my post can be seen as obscene but you’re entitled to your opinion. I am Caucasian but I don't stick with other Caucasians. In fact I don't have any Caucasian friends here and I don't go looking for friendship from them. Buki explained the reasons why Filipinos stick together and I might also add that many Thais, when abroad, stick together so much so that their English language skills aren't what they should or could have been when they returned to Thailand. I have met many Thais who have graduated from abroad who cannot speak very well. I would guess that they spent most of their time in the company of other Thais instead of talking with the locals.

[Ijustwannateach]

Well, Buki, if you can introduce me, I wouldn't mind meeting a group of gay Filipino guys. Mabuhay!

"Steven"

[Buki]

Well, Buki, if you can introduce me, I wouldn't mind meeting a group of gay Filipino guys. Mabuhay!

"Steven"

sureness. but im the only gay filipino in the village as of now.

[Fraktalkid]

Nam Kao I don't see how my post can be seen as obscene but you’re entitled to your opinion. I am Caucasian but I don't stick with other Caucasians. In fact I don't have any Caucasian friends here and I don't go looking for friendship from them. Buki explained the reasons why Filipinos stick together and I might also add that many Thais, when abroad, stick together so much so that their English language skills aren't what they should or could have been when they returned to Thailand. I have met many Thais who have graduated from abroad who cannot speak very well. I would guess that they spent most of their time in the company of other Thais instead of talking with the locals.

I can confirm this based on my experience of speaking with some Thai people recently in London.. (whos faces were genuinely stunned when I started speaking to them in [broken] Thai!)

What I would add though is that it possibly is about a balance - a minority culture has to feel welcome in their host culture in order to start engaging with them..

Perhaps why a decent number of farangs in Thailand engage with Thai people to a greater or lesser extent.. it has to go both ways.. despite my own country (Britain) trying its best to be politically correct and culturally diverse, my Thai friends in London haven't felt particularly accepted by the native Brits, and so I'd say that the attitudes of the host culture have just as an important role in terms of the social dynamics between foreigner and local.

What my Thai friends in London told me was that whilst British people were generally quite friendly to them, they hadn't made really made friends with any native British people and that most of their friends were people from other countries (incl other European countries). Sadly, they said to me that most Brits didn't seem particularly interested in being friends with them.

Has anyone by chance seen this amongst other Thai communities outside of Thailand? e.g. what's the situation like in places like the USA or Australia etc?

And what about the whole Chinatown phenomenon? Is this something more poignant than the British or Irish pub abroad?

Fk

[Buki]

Sadly, they said to me that most Brits didn't seem particularly interested in being friends with them.

Fk

thats really interesting note. I have the same feeling here. I even thought that locals are not interested in being friends me for a particular reason. I really don't know, maybe I look like a Thai or they never had the previous experience of meeting a Filipino. It's sometimes frustrating, I really want to have many friends here, since I see myself living here for a long time.

[PeaceBlondie]

First of all, I don't think it's racist or obscene or politically incorrect to comment that people of a feather flock together. It's almost universal.

Thailand was recently voted, on a poll, as the world's most xenophobic country (based upon responses by native Thais in Thailand). Never having been colonized, Thailand never needed to accept or assimilate or tolerate non-Thais very much. But Thais are hardly alone. At least outwardly, in public, Thais seem much friendlier than any number of other nationalities.

I lived in a Chinatown in Houston, where maybe 25% were Vietnamese, and I couldn't even find the Thais. In fact, the best hamburger joint in Houston is nearby, run entirely by Thais, which I didn't realize for years. When I went back last time, and told them I lived in Thailand, they were ecstatic, welcoming me to the Sonkran festivities at the Thai wat, giving me a Thai nickname, etc. It just depends upon the circumstances.

In Thailand, farang who are not of Asian heritage are lumped into one ugly lump, like the German tourist family today at Burger-King, with their four shouting, hyperactive, uncontrolled brats being shouted at by an Arnold Schwarzeggar type who'd failed at raising his children.

Language is the key, but there's yet another thread on that subject going on now in the "General" sub-forum. If you can't talk Thai fluently, or the Thai person isn't at least an advanced student of English, you're going to have communication problems.

I once stopped having an affair with a really gorgeous, well hung immigrant from Shanghai because I didn't understand a word he said.

[bina]

too bad the two thread s arent merged its the same subject....

things are the same for men as well as women gay or not in any cuture....

as an anglosaxon in israel, most fo my women friends are : surprise!! english speakers. we just ahve different common backgrounds than the women here. men are the same....

for real close friendship, usually that is the case.... immigrants stick together anywhere because they already have the common background even if in their home country they wouldn never have these people as friends or socialize with them, the common denominator is their background i.e. thai in the states will associate more with thai since they all speak thai, eat thai and know and understand 'thainess'... even if in thailand they wouldnt look in the direction of some of the thai people they speak with in the states....

same here: there are anglos that i hang out with here that in the states i probably wouldnt really hang out with (no common denominator in the states, but here, we both speak english and have some common background )...

there are always exceptions to all rules but in general this is it: to have a really close friend from an other culture ethnic background even religioun is more work, u have to explain more about yourself whereas from someone from similar background , the tacit knowlege of background is already there...

sorry so wordy but my english this morning is dysfunctional...

[boybrat]

i absolutely adore my thai friends. many weekends were spent at fabulous sunday brunches at either the sukhothai or the regent. have spent many wild nights partying at tapas and the ministry of sound( when it was still around). have spent many evenings lounging around pools drinking bubblies and disussing the merits of sunblock. have spent many nights lounging around at the bed supperclub.

love my thai friends to bits. i love u gys, u heard that? thai guys are great to be around with.