Half American/Thai: Isaan Relatives Make Me Uncomfortable

[doontp]

I'll try to make this short and to the point.

Am now 37, was born in Isaan. Dad is Amer, mom is thai. We all moved to US when I was 3 mo old. Mom returned to Thailand alone 2 yrs later….was subsequently raised by my dad and his friends in the US. Mom visited the US for about one month when I was 12.

Mom passed away in 2003…..did not learn of it until 2007. never much contact with Thai relatives or mom.

I returned to Thailand 4 yrs ago (’08). Met my thai relatives and got a very warm welcome. shortly thereafter began working as an English teacher in Bkk area. Was told a comfortable house was B1,000,000 to build. Gave Thai relatives about B1,000,000. they built 2 houses? Turns out that each house was about B400,000. before and after construction,,,,I gave them envelopes of money for anything they wanted…..B10,000…..B20,000. I was being nice and they were smiling and very kind.

Then one day…..they sent me an email asking for B30,000 for a party they wanted to have. I said no. everything seems to have changed from that point. I now visit and I get a cold feeling….not very warm welcome.

Is this in my mind? How should I respond to this? I do not feel comfortable going there anymore. I still enjoy living in Bkk area and teaching English.

Has anyone else out there experienced or known of anyone in a similar situation? How did they deal with it?

Feel free to ask questions. I am open to any and all replies. Thank you.

[phl]

Very disappointing but rather a "normal" attitude and story.

Seems you are the only one who considers them to be relatives/family, they see you as nothing but an ATM to ask for money.

Considering that you have not had much interrelation with them or much of connection, i would close that chapter and move on, but i am a cold blooded a$$

[somtampet]

There are many many westerners/americans having a great life with thai wives/gf,and do not have to contribute to the family.I think u need to move on sir.

[transam]

Steep learning curve for you but you are not alone. Try asking one of them for a lone and see what happens.

[harrry]

or even better ask for the share of your moms property which your were entitled to on her death.

[mike123ca]

I also have Issan relatives being married to a Thai. Some of the relatives are farmers and yes, they work hard, but are very poor.

I do find it annoying to be hit up for money. Sometimes, I have to take a step back and be thankful that my life was more fortunate.

When Thais are annoyed or angry with someone they will "shun" the person.

Since I don't speak Thai shunning hasn't really bothered me here.

I'm sure the next financial crisis to hit your relatives they come a calling.

Don't sweat it.

[Mario2008]

On another note, you do have a Thai and US passport? as you have both nationalities by way of birth. Just wanting to be sure you understand you can hold both nationalities without a problem.

[doontp]

On another note, you do have a Thai and US passport? as you have both nationalities by way of birth. Just wanting to be sure you understand you can hold both nationalities without a problem.

Yes, I have US Passport......At first my relatives said I could never be a Thai national. I told them I spoke with immigration officials and they said I could with no problem. The relatives then admitted that I could get it and I got it.

[doontp]

or even better ask for the share of your moms property which your were entitled to on her death.

They told me I inherited 7 rai of land, which is where the house that was built for me is setting on. Upon my first visit to LOS, they were kind of quick to take me to some government office building where I signed documents, supposedly making me official owner of my mom's property. Obviously, everything was in Thai. So I don't know exaclty what I signed. I really don't care about the property or house anymore. I don't ever see myself living one hour away from the Lao border.

They recently asked me for money,,,I told them no and then I told them to sell the house and they quickly said, "no, no, no" "cannot" "cannot" "not good" "not good"

[doontp]

There are many many westerners/americans having a great life with thai wives/gf,and do not have to contribute to the family.I think u need to move on sir.

move on??......I think they beat me to it. They changed their cell phone #'s about a year ago and didn't give me the new #'s.

[phl]

There are many many westerners/americans having a great life with thai wives/gf,and do not have to contribute to the family.I think u need to move on sir.

move on??......I think they beat me to it. They changed their cell phone #'s about a year ago and didn't give me the new #'s.

I think the papers you signed was not to claim ownership of the house or land, but rather to release it

[soi41]

So much for trying to connect with the Asian side of your family. Despite your Asian appearance, for them you will just be another diary-cow. Seems like you have been unlucky with the Asian family, but as you will find out there are plenty of decent Thais around. Enjoy your time with them and try to learn a little of the lingo and you will be just fine here.

[harrry]

If they have helped you gain your inheritance I think they are decent people as many Thai people are.

Parties are held for many reasons...it is a face thing but include having built a house,, having had bad luck in anything and having to reverse this and gain merit or especially weddings births and funerals.. It is not unusual for family members to contribute, it is not unusual also for them to decline. It seems to me due to cultural misunderstandings this has caused a rift between you and the family. Sad as you are losing a lot as possibly they are...land I do not mean money.

[transam]

If they have helped you gain your inheritance I think they are decent people as many Thai people are.

Parties are held for many reasons...it is a face thing but include having built a house,, having had bad luck in anything and having to reverse this and gain merit or especially weddings births and funerals.. It is not unusual for family members to contribute, it is not unusual also for them to decline. It seems to me due to cultural misunderstandings this has caused a rift between you and the family. Sad as you are losing a lot as possibly they are...land I do not mean money.

Sorry, but did l read 30000bht for an Isaan party ? That the OP will not be in attendance. Edited June 11, 2012 by transam

[harrry]

If they have helped you gain your inheritance I think they are decent people as many Thai people are.

Parties are held for many reasons...it is a face thing but include having built a house,, having had bad luck in anything and having to reverse this and gain merit or especially weddings births and funerals.. It is not unusual for family members to contribute, it is not unusual also for them to decline. It seems to me due to cultural misunderstandings this has caused a rift between you and the family. Sad as you are losing a lot as possibly they are...land I do not mean money.

Sorry, but did l read 30000bht for an Isaan party ?

My thai neigbours in Chiangrai just spent 80000 baht on a blessing ceromony and party for their remoddled house. THe monks got about 40000

[transam]

If they have helped you gain your inheritance I think they are decent people as many Thai people are.

Parties are held for many reasons...it is a face thing but include having built a house,, having had bad luck in anything and having to reverse this and gain merit or especially weddings births and funerals.. It is not unusual for family members to contribute, it is not unusual also for them to decline. It seems to me due to cultural misunderstandings this has caused a rift between you and the family. Sad as you are losing a lot as possibly they are...land I do not mean money.

Sorry, but did l read 30000bht for an Isaan party ?

My thai neigbours in Chiangrai just spent 80000 baht on a blessing ceromony and party for their remoddled house. THe monks got about 40000

WHO PAYED FOR IT. ?

[harrry]

THEY DID.,..with contributions from other family members such as father an mother and brothers and sisters who live nearby I think.

[edwinclapham]

It is so easy to live in Thailand and loose sight of the value of money, even more so when the westerner/Singaporean/Korean for example is paying for it.

I see Thai women in Australian on an extremely good salary who are extremely prudent with their hard earned cash and suddenly the true value of currency is respected and appreciated.

It actually works out cheaper to have a wedding party or funeral in the west on many occasions, Thais laugh at the amount of money Monks are asking these days in Thailand for what should be a nominal amount.

[Bpraim1]

Being a Monk is a good job these days.

High pay

Great phones, laptops

No need to work.

Think'n of Converting for a month or so, So I can buy a couple new things

[doontp]

If they have helped you gain your inheritance I think they are decent people as many Thai people are.

Parties are held for many reasons...it is a face thing but include having built a house,, having had bad luck in anything and having to reverse this and gain merit or especially weddings births and funerals.. It is not unusual for family members to contribute, it is not unusual also for them to decline. It seems to me due to cultural misunderstandings this has caused a rift between you and the family. Sad as you are losing a lot as possibly they are...land I do not mean money.

Sorry, but did l read 30000bht for an Isaan party ? That the OP will not be in attendance.

yes, you read correctly....30,000bht. My uncle's son was ordained as a monk.....the party was to be held in my house. They were kind enough to invite me...LOL

[doontp]

So much for trying to connect with the Asian side of your family. Despite your Asian appearance, for them you will just be another diary-cow. Seems like you have been unlucky with the Asian family, but as you will find out there are plenty of decent Thais around. Enjoy your time with them and try to learn a little of the lingo and you will be just fine here.

Thanks for the comment...Yes, I agree about there being decent Thais around......I met a nice and very pretty young Thai lady in Nonthaburi. She comes from a good family who simply want their daughter to be with a good guy. We study together every weekend. I can read, write and speak a little bit of Thai.

[doontp]

There are many many westerners/americans having a great life with thai wives/gf,and do not have to contribute to the family.I think u need to move on sir.

move on??......I think they beat me to it. They changed their cell phone #'s about a year ago and didn't give me the new #'s.

I think the papers you signed was not to claim ownership of the house or land, but rather to release it

I agree. With all due respect......I'm not worried about property in Isaan. They can keep it. They don't own me.

[harrry]

There are many many westerners/americans having a great life with thai wives/gf,and do not have to contribute to the family.I think u need to move on sir.

move on??......I think they beat me to it. They changed their cell phone #'s about a year ago and didn't give me the new #'s.

I think the papers you signed was not to claim ownership of the house or land, but rather to release it

I agree. With all due respect......I'm not worried about property in Isaan. They can keep it. They don't own me.

sad to see you lose your heritage.

[doontp]

If they have helped you gain your inheritance I think they are decent people as many Thai people are.

Parties are held for many reasons...it is a face thing but include having built a house,, having had bad luck in anything and having to reverse this and gain merit or especially weddings births and funerals.. It is not unusual for family members to contribute, it is not unusual also for them to decline. It seems to me due to cultural misunderstandings this has caused a rift between you and the family. Sad as you are losing a lot as possibly they are...land I do not mean money.

I think most of the problems are between my younger cousins and me.........they always want me to take them and their friends to the market and/or nightclubs. That got old fairly quick. I'm not really in to noisy Isaan nightclubs playing songs I don't understand. and I think most of the stuff at these markets are cheaply made, low quality junk. I don't feel much rift between the older relatives. I'm always buying food for them and they enjoy that. I always buy the local monks those orange buckets filled with miscellaneous items.

[krisb]

cant choose family. what do you want to hear on here? you already knew the answers before you began this topic I think.

[doontp]

cant choose family. what do you want to hear on here? you already knew the answers before you began this topic I think.

Please refer to the questions in my OP.

"Has anyone else out there experienced or known of anyone in a similar situation? How did they deal with it?"

I was hoping to come across someone who is in my situation and to see how they handled things. Maybe I can learn something or be told about an approach I've never taken. Also,,,,you never know where you might find something helpful. The post was not a waste of time......instead, an effort.

[edwinclapham]

cant choose family. what do you want to hear on here? you already knew the answers before you began this topic I think.

Many people on TV have had direct experience with Issan families, and therefore are able to offer concrete advice.

Strangely enough forums can be exceptionally helpful.

Have you contributed much recently?

[krisb]

If they have helped you gain your inheritance I think they are decent people as many Thai people are.

Parties are held for many reasons...it is a face thing but include having built a house,, having had bad luck in anything and having to reverse this and gain merit or especially weddings births and funerals.. It is not unusual for family members to contribute, it is not unusual also for them to decline. It seems to me due to cultural misunderstandings this has caused a rift between you and the family. Sad as you are losing a lot as possibly they are...land I do not mean money.

Sorry, but did l read 30000bht for an Isaan party ?

My thai neigbours in Chiangrai just spent 80000 baht on a blessing ceromony and party for their remoddled house. THe monks got about 40000

40,000 baht for monks!!!!!!! What the hell??? How many monks attended? 1 monk is maybe 400b max and thats absolute max so Im picturing 1000 monks arriving like a scene out of a comedy movie

[krisb]

cant choose family. what do you want to hear on here? you already knew the answers before you began this topic I think.

Many people on TV have had direct experience with Issan families, and therefore are able to offer concrete advice.

Strangely enough forums can be exceptionally helpful.

Have you contributed much recently?

Fair enough. My families Issan. Theres been a couple of grabs for cash via her father and brothers. The answers "no cash sorry". I hate it when the old story of having a falang in the family means cash for all. Its the 1 thing I cant stand about Thailand. If I was in the same boat as doontp I would wipe my hands of them, move on, and Im sorry for your loss but I think it was a blessing in disguise.

[KunMatt]

Being a Monk is a good job these days.

High pay

Great phones, laptops

No need to work.

Think'n of Converting for a month or so, So I can buy a couple new things

In Phuket I saw a nice sedan car in the parking lot of HomePro with two monks standing outside it hold iPads instructing a lackey how to put a giant flatscreen TV into the back of their expensive car. I don't know my Buddhism but Im pretty sure Buddha did not say "thou shalt only watch Avatar on a monsterous 3D flatscreen and it shalt be awesome".

Back on topic, give them an inch and they will try to take a mile next time. Give them whatever they want and they will call you a stupid buffalo, say no them one time and they will call you a sticky shit. I don't really know how you are supposed to play this game and win yet. Being a farang (as they see you!!) means everyone thinks you to have an unlimited amount of cash that should be shared with the less fortunate, they don't seem to grasp where our money comes from and that most of us are self made.

Sorry, no advice to offer you really! If I was you I would have absolutely nothing to do with them, especially as you already know you will not live in either house you paid for with a 200k tip that went somewhere. I would sell up everything I legally owned and was entitled to and burn the bridge as I left them in my rearview mirror. And if they screwed me out of the two houses I paid for then I would demolish them.