Settle Down In Isaan

[sirchai]

" Why would you buy a cow, when you only want to drink a glass of milk?"

[nev]

" Why would you buy a cow, when you only want to drink a glass of milk?"

Maybe wanting to eat beef too?

[TommoPhysicist]

" Why would you buy a cow, when you only want to drink a glass of milk?"

Building a house in Issan is like buying a Jumbo jet because you like peanuts.

[somtampet]

Posted Today, 01:35

"Been visiting Thailand many times in the past and has always managed to avoid all the dangers that lure just around every corner in LOS. About one and a half year ago though i saw myself getting trapped in the fishing net of a beautiful sweet Isaan girl. Been visiting her 4 times now in her village and i'm seriously considering to settle down in Thailand for good and with Thailand i mean in her village and in a small modest house built with my farang money.

By surfing the internet and read about similar situations that has occured in the past, i am constantly getting warned and told that it might not be a very wise thing to do. I read about getting kicked all the way out of Isaan as soon as the house is built. I read about getting invaded all day long in your own house by girlfriends family and friends. I read about only being looked at as a walking ATM machine. I read about getting ranked below mom/dad, family, friends and the two water buffaloes. I read about getting bored to death and i could go on and on.

Therefore i'm in desperately need to hear from anybody that could prove all of the above wrong and any advice giving would be most appreciated.

Bentje"

All the above is true if you let it happen. Put your foot down from the start and you make the decisions, not her. That applies to her family also. Give them an inch and.............Your relationship is with her not the family. If she can't accept that then bye bye.

While you're away from your lady does she have a gik? Does she gamble? Has she got hidden debts ? (Thais live in debt) Does she drink? My guess would be yes to all those, as she's a normal Thai. The answer is not easy, but obviously you have reservations and these need to be addressed. So my advice would be to walk away until you need to ask no more questions on a Thai forum.

normal thai,what the hell do u know about normal thais.My partner is a normal thai,hardly drinks,works,does not gamble,has no debts,has money in the bank for things like house improvements,trips to uk etc etc.

How can anybody treat your posts serriouysly with that garbage,or is your gf like that

[TommoPhysicist]

normal thai,what the hell do u know about normal thais.My partner is a normal thai,hardly drinks,works,does not gamble,has no debts,has money in the bank for things like house improvements,trips to uk etc etc.

How can anybody treat your posts serriouysly with that garbage,or is your gf like that

I seriously doubt any Thai person living with a foreigner could be classed as "A normal Thai"

[bergen]

" Why would you buy a cow, when you only want to drink a glass of milk?"

Building a house in Issan is like buying a Jumbo jet because you like peanuts.

I guess I missed something here

[bergen]

normal thai,what the hell do u know about normal thais.My partner is a normal thai,hardly drinks,works,does not gamble,has no debts,has money in the bank for things like house improvements,trips to uk etc etc.

How can anybody treat your posts serriouysly with that garbage,or is your gf like that

I seriously doubt any Thai person living with a foreigner could be classed as "A normal Thai"

What a strange statement!

[Gweiloman]

What is her education/employment background? If she can't support herself, then that makes her a taker not a giver.

I know lots of Thai women who are uneducated and unemployed (as a farang would classify it) who contributes tremendously to the household and family. Hell, my own mother was uneducated and unemployed but worked 18 hours a day looking after 7 of us. In my mind, she has done all the giving and I did the taking.

[Gweiloman]

-"Your relationship is with her not the family. If she can't accept that then bye bye." you obviously don't understand Thai culture. That is why I said in my reply, "Learn about Thai culture, ......."

Thai culture to me, appears to be "take as much as you can by any means possible, especially from the weak, gullible or foolish"

Have I got it wrong?

Not my experience, but what do I know?

I agree with bergen, not my experiece either and I've been here for 7 years now.

But then again, neither of you married your wife for financial reasons.

[sirchai]

normal thai,what the hell do u know about normal thais.My partner is a normal thai,hardly drinks,works,does not gamble,has no debts,has money in the bank for things like house improvements,trips to uk etc etc.

How can anybody treat your posts serriouysly with that garbage,or is your gf like that

I seriously doubt any Thai person living with a foreigner could be classed as "A normal Thai"

What a strange statement!

I seriously doubt that any person living with "Tommo" could be classed as "A normal human being."

Edited June 29, 2012 by sirchai

[sirchai]

" Why would you buy a cow, when you only want to drink a glass of milk?"

Building a house in Issan is like buying a Jumbo jet because you like peanuts.

Nobody here likes your peanuts..........

[bergen]

Thai culture to me, appears to be "take as much as you can by any means possible, especially from the weak, gullible or foolish"

Have I got it wrong?

Not my experience, but what do I know?

I agree with bergen, not my experiece either and I've been here for 7 years now.

But then again, neither of you married your wife for financial reasons.

Gweiloman - What do you know?

Edited June 29, 2012 by bergen

[sinbin]

My partner is a normal thai,hardly drinks,works,does not gamble,has no debts,has money in the bank for things like house improvements,trips to uk etc etc.

Of course she does.

[handydog]

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[Lickey]

This question crops up every year or so, and of course nobody can really help, no matter what the OP has read in previous posts, you get lucky with a girl or you dont, and the ones that haveny made it are to embarrest to post what went wrong, the people that do post are the ones that they think are very happy, now is that so? do you really know 100% what your GF/Wife is up to with family and friends? no, i dont think so,

If you are on step 2 of the ladder, your mrs will be on step 8, way ahead of you, and yes, ive been there and have it sorted now, so please post if you are on level pegging with your mrs,[or think you are]

[meatboy]

This question crops up every year or so, and of course nobody can really help, no matter what the OP has read in previous posts, you get lucky with a girl or you dont, and the ones that haveny made it are to embarrest to post what went wrong, the people that do post are the ones that they think are very happy, now is that so? do you really know 100% what your GF/Wife is up to with family and friends? no, i dont think so,

If you are on step 2 of the ladder, your mrs will be on step 8, way ahead of you, and yes, ive been there and have it sorted now, so please post if you are on level pegging with your mrs,[or think you are]

i have been under my mrs for 25happy years do i care NOT ONE IOTA

[stevo2]

This question crops up every year or so, and of course nobody can really help, no matter what the OP has read in previous posts, you get lucky with a girl or you dont, and the ones that haveny made it are to embarrest to post what went wrong, the people that do post are the ones that they think are very happy, now is that so? do you really know 100% what your GF/Wife is up to with family and friends? no, i dont think so,

If you are on step 2 of the ladder, your mrs will be on step 8, way ahead of you, and yes, ive been there and have it sorted now, so please post if you are on level pegging with your mrs,[or think you are]

i have been under my mrs for 25happy years do i care NOT ONE IOTA

Best post of the thread so far Meatboy.

My circumstances:

Married for over 12 years. All money in wifes bank account. Wife works. Have had arguments. Made up. Do not worry about what anyone else thinks. Door always open. Family welcome. If too many then I pop down the shop for a beer.

I always treat my poor, uneducated, culturally diverse family as my equals.

[meatboy]

This question crops up every year or so, and of course nobody can really help, no matter what the OP has read in previous posts, you get lucky with a girl or you dont, and the ones that haveny made it are to embarrest to post what went wrong, the people that do post are the ones that they think are very happy, now is that so? do you really know 100% what your GF/Wife is up to with family and friends? no, i dont think so,

If you are on step 2 of the ladder, your mrs will be on step 8, way ahead of you, and yes, ive been there and have it sorted now, so please post if you are on level pegging with your mrs,[or think you are]

i have been under my mrs for 25happy years do i care NOT ONE IOTA

Best post of the thread so far Meatboy.

My circumstances:

Married for over 12 years. All money in wifes bank account. Wife works. Have had arguments. Made up. Do not worry about what anyone else thinks. Door always open. Family welcome. If too many then I pop down the shop for a beer.

I always treat my poor, uneducated, culturally diverse family as my equals.

same same whats hers is hers whats mine is hers the only thing she'd have to fight me over is my beloved dog.

[jamescollister]

Married 2 kids, in laws live with us. Wife has the bank account and runs the business. I drink beer play with the kids and ride my bike. Have had problems with the family over the years, more to do with stupidity then intent, but it always worked out.

As I said earlier, wife's family may come first at the start, but once you have kids, our family then comes first. Everyone else except for MIL and FIL are not of any importance then.

FIL likes to think he is head of the family and to let him keep face I allow him to pay the workers one a month, but I am the boss in the background.

FIL works for the Government and I allow him to cut some rubber trees for extra money, so except for the rubber he costs me nothing. We borrow of him more often then he borrows off us, he's a tight git when it comes to money and saves as much as he can.

Not perfect, but a happy life all the same. Jim

[nev]

Married 2 kids, in laws live with us. Wife has the bank account and runs the business. I drink beer play with the kids and ride my bike. Have had problems with the family over the years, more to do with stupidity then intent, but it always worked out.

As I said earlier, wife's family may come first at the start, but once you have kids, our family then comes first. Everyone else except for MIL and FIL are not of any importance then.

FIL likes to think he is head of the family and to let him keep face I allow him to pay the workers one a month, but I am the boss in the background.

FIL works for the Government and I allow him to cut some rubber trees for extra money, so except for the rubber he costs me nothing. We borrow of him more often then he borrows off us, he's a tight git when it comes to money and saves as much as he can.

Not perfect, but a happy life all the same. Jim

Good life you have there Jim, do you ever get any funny comments about your name had a mate called Jim he changed his

[jamescollister]

Married 2 kids, in laws live with us. Wife has the bank account and runs the business. I drink beer play with the kids and ride my bike. Have had problems with the family over the years, more to do with stupidity then intent, but it always worked out.

As I said earlier, wife's family may come first at the start, but once you have kids, our family then comes first. Everyone else except for MIL and FIL are not of any importance then.

FIL likes to think he is head of the family and to let him keep face I allow him to pay the workers one a month, but I am the boss in the background.

FIL works for the Government and I allow him to cut some rubber trees for extra money, so except for the rubber he costs me nothing. We borrow of him more often then he borrows off us, he's a tight git when it comes to money and saves as much as he can.

Not perfect, but a happy life all the same. Jim

Good life you have there Jim, do you ever get any funny comments about your name had a mate called Jim he changed his

no just once in awhile jungle gets mentioned, Jim

[zzaa09]

Plenty of farangs have happy content lives, living with family in a village. Other fail, it's really more up to you then her and family.

Interesting as to how we automatically extend a negative connotation towards the usual suspects - the girl and the family.

Almost always in these situations, it will be up to the Farang and how he gets on....

[Pinot]

I wouldn't build/buy a house in the same ban as the wife's family and I wouldn't build/buy. The conventional wisdom here is that if you do foolishly build a house, you have to live at the construction site while they build it to get something close to what you wanted. One word: rent. That goes for the women here...just kidding. Do yourself a favor and plan on living with her for a year before getting married. Oh yea, and don't get married.

Edited July 1, 2012 by Pinot

[bikkalad]

You are not ranked below Mom and Dad, you are in a different category, in the same way that you (I would hope) don't place your wife above your parents

Wife and parents are two different things. Having said this, i would agree that Thais are more attached to their family than westerners are,, I don't think that's a bad thing,

So don't worry about that, unless you are not a "Family man: everything in my Isaan family revolves around the Family.

AS far as the money is concerned, If you are in a good relationship with a smart girl,and you work as partners. she will quickly realize that,not only your money that is given away, but also her money, and she will quickly cut that out.

I have never saved more money than I have since I married my Thai wife ,She watches OUR money like a hawk.

My advise is .use your head (you know the one on top of your shoulders)when choosing a wife, and everything else will work it's self out.

Learn about the culture, the biggest problem between you and your wife will be cultural misunderstandings.

and above all don't lisen and get paranoid by all the negative talk in this and other forums, you are a smart guy ,you don't need other people telling you what to do.

As far as getting bored, it all depend on you,

some people can find wonder, and be entertained by a blade of grass, and other need a marching band, and clowns.

Good Luck

.

yep marching powder clowns and a nice blade of grass could be conflict.....sorry for any typo errors iphone;)???

[David Peters]

After all the 30+ years I have lived in Thailand I really admire these Thai ladies marrying Western men. Many of these ladies come from a humble background, usually rural. At most they have a primary school education. Yet, they seem to learn their husband's language. I have seen these ladies speaking German, English. French, Italian, yet their poor old husbands can't even string a sentence together in Thai. Even after living here for years with all the time in the world to learn Thai, especially if they are retired. I for one think these Thai ladies deserve a medal for putting up with all the crap they get from their "kii nok" husbands. I will duck from the bullets coming my way.

[TommoPhysicist]

After all the 30+ years I have lived in Thailand I really admire these Thai ladies marrying Western men. Many of these ladies come from a humble background, usually rural. At most they have a primary school education. Yet, they seem to learn their husband's language. I have seen these ladies speaking German, English. French, Italian, yet their poor old husbands can't even string a sentence together in Thai. Even after living here for years with all the time in the world to learn Thai, especially if they are retired. I for one think these Thai ladies deserve a medal for putting up with all the crap they get from their "kii nok" husbands. I will duck from the bullets coming my way.

Many of these ladies do everything in their power to stop the husbands learning Thai, very hard for the husband to combat.

Edited July 1, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[Lickey]

Very True TommoPhycist, 6 years,and not a sentence in Thai, i dont really mind, at least i only here BS in 1 one lanuage, mainly from other thais, Mrs knows better than to try it on,

So OP, you want to get married? ok, one on the way, or cheaper visa? if not, no need, co-habit with your GF here for 2 years and in UK law, she is your common law wife, although if you go to live in UK, she will still have to sit all the tests,

If you are not from UK, sorry, forget the 2nd paragraph,,,

[sirchai]

After all the 30+ years I have lived in Thailand I really admire these Thai ladies marrying Western men. Many of these ladies come from a humble background, usually rural. At most they have a primary school education. Yet, they seem to learn their husband's language. I have seen these ladies speaking German, English. French, Italian, yet their poor old husbands can't even string a sentence together in Thai. Even after living here for years with all the time in the world to learn Thai, especially if they are retired. I for one think these Thai ladies deserve a medal for putting up with all the crap they get from their "kii nok" husbands. I will duck from the bullets coming my way.

Many of these ladies do everything in their power to stop the husbands learning Thai, very hard for the husband to combat.

How could my wife stop me from learning Thai?

[harry1]

Wouldn't advise it at all unless you and your lady are going to live alone,or maybe just mum and dad,no one else,the normal deal is take care of mum,not the tride

good luck

[cockneyrebel]

i live in a village and have done for several years and i go into town for a beer when i want to meet up with mates etc village life suits me

another plus is by living in a village and not a town is you don't meet so many negative people like some of the posters on here