greenwanderer108 Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 So this is a situation regarding a close friend who needs advice...(I swear, none of it's about me ) (my friend) has a mia who is 6 1/2 months pregnant (what a coincidence! ) about a month ago, he fell for someone at his office.... That girl is the girl that everyguy in the office as well as out and about smiles/stares at as is similar the response to many girls towards my friend...so they kind of met their match foresay. It seems they have fallen head over heals for eachother...perhaps many factors. She also happens to have a bf upcountry (who promised his mother he would ordain before he loses his virginity)..she realizes that my friend has a pregnant mia, and so it's kind of a mutual benefit/agreement/affair from the start. Despite her pure and natural beauty, was still a virgin though getting quite curious and anxious for the experience..well-bred from wealthy family and wanting to do rebellious acts, etc.. What started off as just a side-kick fun flirt...one thing led to another: going out together, dinner, holding hands, virgin her rejecting his first kiss attempt, going out more, courting-spell casting, reserved him rejecting her anticipated kiss attempt in public, secret phone calls, a movie, more secret/long phone calls, deception towards his mia to see her... him seeing red...mia#1 getting suspicious, checking his phone, being a detective, etc..pushing him towards this new flame...and that's kind of where it stands It seems the impossible situation, especially since the mia is pregnant. My friend is a good guy and isn't willing to leave the pregnant mia alone for some new yet-unsure fling. He still loves mia#1 as the mother of his to-be-born child, yet his new feelings are undeniable. He is still young. Mia#2 is atleast understanding (for now) and a very decent and worthy girl. Mia#1 wins in the longer time invested, and the conception of a child. Mia#2 wins in his responsibility of her virginity, not to mention mutualness, understanding, and openess, and those eyes (so he tells me) No official laws have been broken yet as there are no registered marriages, and everyone is of age to consent, etc. As far as moral laws, it is arguable that many laws have been broken... a lot of grounds to cover...trust, deception, secrets, lust, excitement, culture... Ok, what are some oppinions of those who have experienced something similar. What are the justifications. What are the possible worst/best outcomes? He knows the wrong in what has been done. Nevertheless, what has been done is done. And the hard yet perhaps right thing to do would be to walk away from the mia#2. Though, it seems a lose/lose situation...As then he would have decieved her...and it crumbles him to even think about hurting her as he is so deeply infatuated with her. Even if he were to continue with #2, he wouldn't neglect his responsibility to the child....but how can mia#1 come to terms...??? The fundamental rule comes to mind about the truth/honesty setting one free, but I've found in Thailand, and from lots of advice, that sometimes lies may be the best solution...ingorance is bliss, etc. Can living many lives work out not always ending in disaster on the front page newspaper, some bizzare scandal bad ending, etc.? If so, how? Please share experences, wisdom, and thoughts. prefereably those who have been there/done that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leisurely Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 Dirty bugger. Tell him to put his winkle back in his trousers and take care of what he already has and stands to lose. Not sure how old he is, but old enough to know better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaiPauly Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 The old Johnny Nash song comes to mind when reading this: "There are more questions than answers" Sorry to say this is way to complex for my pea brain Hope it all ends happily, though I fear it will not. Hearts will be broken somewhere along the line Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tippaporn Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 (edited) It reminds me of the hound with the huge steak in his mouth crossing over the creek on a bridge. He looks down into the water to see his own reflection; that of a dog with a large piece of meat in it's jaws. In his greed he snaps at the reflection of his own steak, hence dropping the real meat in the water. In the end he has nothing. This guy sounds like he's very young. There's too much candy in the store, and even after he makes his choice he can't be happy with it because of all the other candy that he didn't choose. No matter who you love you can always find others who you could love just as well. Ad infinitum. He hasn't learned to make up his mind yet because he hasn't learned that there's enough potential with his wife to keep him more than happy and fulfilled for as long as he chooses. Unfortunately, he's already made a huge commitment but the commitment obviously doesn't mean much to him. He also forgets that the commitment is to his partner as well. He says he loves her but his actions don't reflect it in the least. Plain and simple, he doesn't have a clue as to what love is yet. My prediction is that he's setting himself up for some painful lessons. Edited January 11, 2006 by Tippaporn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GuestHouse Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 (edited) You tell us about a month ago, he fell for someone at his office.... Then you tell us... What started off as just a side-kick fun flirt...one thing led to another: going out together, dinner, holding hands, virgin her rejecting his first kiss attempt, going out more, courting-spell casting, reserved him rejecting her anticipated kiss attempt in public, secret phone calls, a movie, more secret/long phone calls, deception towards his mia to see her... Advice No. 1 There are no secrets in a Thai office - Take it from me, every one knows. You tell us ... Despite her pure and natural beauty, was still a virgin though getting quite curious and anxious for the experience..well-bred from wealthy family and wanting to do rebellious acts, etc.. Advice No. 2. She's not taking the risks she is taking for no reason at all - She might be in love, but more likely she sees some personal gain in catching a Farang - I'd advise your friend to look into that assumption about personal background a bit more closely - Most foreigners are unable to read the real status of Thais What are the justifications? There are none What are the possible worst/best outcomes? Best - Your friend grows up and accepts his responsibilities to his wife and unborn child Worst Your friends unborn child arrives on the scene to find his father has facked off with some other woman and left the child with the worst start in life. Consequences to your friend, his bit on the side and your friend's wife, pale into insignificance against that. Edited January 11, 2006 by GuestHouse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
opothai Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 infidelity, oh what was it like. don't worry it happens all the time. he'll know what to do when he grows up. [ a condom would be somewhere to start ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfie Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 May i suggest bromide? At least that way the idiot might stop thinking with his little head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patex Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 The husband of my cousin once fell in love to another woman, cousin found out, took the kids and delivered an ultimatum to him: Your family or "She". Now, he showed real wisdom in finding out a third solution: He sat down at the kitchentable with his shotgun and blew his head away Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glauka Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 (edited) after reading the OP story to words came to my mind... SELFISHNES and INMATURITY... how easy is to use the word LOVE ... and indeed there is LOVE in this triangle...the LOVE that your friend feels for HIMSELF!!!! EDIT:/ In situations like this is when i find myself lucky for being single... ( I don´t imply that all males are like this) Edited January 11, 2006 by Glauka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NedKelly Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 Greenwanderer....get a life ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 HA HA HA, this so called innocent girlfriend is messing with a guy she knows is attached to someone else & with a child on the way. Hmm, she sounds like a reallly nice girl.... NOT. WHAT A FOOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jing jing Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 (edited) Never mind... people in situations like this don't listen to advice. Edited January 11, 2006 by jing jing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glauka Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 (edited) second time reading your post... him seeing red...mia#1 getting suspicious, checking his phone, being a detective, etc..pushing him towards this new flame...and that's kind of where it stands She is over jelous...but maybe it can be excused because she is pregnant with your FRIEND CHILD!!! It seems the impossible situation, especially since the mia is pregnant. My friend is a good guy and isn't willing to leave the pregnant mia alone for some new yet-unsure fling. He still loves mia#1 as the mother of his to-be-born child, yet his new feelings are undeniable. He is still young. Mia#2 is atleast understanding (for now) and a very decent and worthy girl. Mia#1 wins in the longer time invested, and the conception of a child. Mia#2 wins in his responsibility of her virginity, not to mention mutualness, understanding, and openess, and those eyes (so he tells me) so your friend is not going to abandon his child...I guess he will give money to support his fatherless son...What a good heart indeed!!! I guess he has learn that money is the solution for all problems including being cheated, abandoned... Ok, what are some oppinions of those who have experienced something similar. What are the justifications. What are the possible worst/best outcomes? He knows the wrong in what has been done. Nevertheless, what has been done is done. And the hard yet perhaps right thing to do would be to walk away from the mia#2. Though, it seems a lose/lose situation...As then he would have decieved her...and it crumbles him to even think about hurting her as he is so deeply infatuated with her. Poor soul them both...no, don´t hurt her...she knew that he had a pregnant woman but she didn´t care a bit so did he...he never though of the suffering that his pregnant woman is going to feel if she ever finds out...but come on poor mia#2 she is a pretty virgin who shouldn´t be HURT!!! Even if he were to continue with #2, he wouldn't neglect his responsibility to the child....but how can mia#1 come to terms...??? she is just so unreasonable... The fundamental rule comes to mind about the truth/honesty setting one free, but I've found in Thailand, and from lots of advice, that sometimes lies may be the best solution...ingorance is bliss, etc. This is not only in thailand...is everywhere...your friend is a selfish child...who is not brave enough as to be honest to himself and to the the mother of his unborn child... and this kind of behaviour is mean in any country to any woman or man IMHO... Please share experences, wisdom, and thoughts. prefereably those who have been there/done that. honest opinio based on self experience...tell your friend he is a selfish guy who don´t respect anything or anyone but himself...and I would like to see the first mia#1 to walk away from him and never see him again... Edited January 11, 2006 by Glauka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fast Eddie Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 Your friend seems like quite a cad. Whether he likes it or not, he's taken on a massive responsibility and it's time he faced up to it. He has to let no.2 go, or else everyone involved in this will end up miserable (including his child to be)and he will regret it for the rest of his life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gburns57au Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 This is why some cute young girls end up getting acid baths...... and I suppose these are good Thai girls too.... dangerous liaisons indeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaoPo Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 Middle and Upper class* in Thailand invented the Mia Noi.....1, 2 or more! I know a very rich upper-elite 'gentleman' who has(had) 6......... Number 1, 2 and 3 know he has or had the others; the rest don't know about the others. Few months ago he met Nr. 7, a beautifull Thai airline stewardess. He's an unbelievable relaxed guy, also very nice, and plays golf almost 4, 5 times/week; really don't know where he finds the time to run after all of them. * Us Farangs will never understand the 'way-of-living' of these classes in the East; we always judge the people of the East by our own Western standards...Yeah, yeah, but don't forget the culture in the East; countries like Thailand and China have a culture that dates back a few thousand years, when us-Farang people were still fighting over a bone or two... LaoPo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tippaporn Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 It seems they have fallen head over heals for eachother...perhaps many factors. She also happens to have a bf upcountry (who promised his mother he would ordain before he loses his virginity)..she realizes that my friend has a pregnant mia, and so it's kind of a mutual benefit/agreement/affair from the start. Despite her pure and natural beauty, was still a virgin though getting quite curious and anxious for the experience..well-bred from wealthy family and wanting to do rebellious acts, etc.. If she's immature then he is as well, probably more so. They're both understanding of each other's circumstances, especially of the mia, but are selfishly thinking only of themselves without regard to anyone else. On her side, is that what well-bred means? What started off as just a side-kick fun flirt...one thing led to another: going out together, dinner, holding hands, virgin her rejecting his first kiss attempt, going out more, courting-spell casting, reserved him rejecting her anticipated kiss attempt in public, secret phone calls, a movie, more secret/long phone calls, deception towards his mia to see her... One thing led to another??? Sounds so innocent, yet not. He allowed himself to go there, and even encouraged it. He created the situation for himself. Where were his feelings of "love" for his wife during these times. He chose to abandon them. What do you expect to happen??? him seeing red...mia#1 getting suspicious, checking his phone, being a detective, etc..pushing him towards this new flame...and that's kind of where it stands Pushing him???? His mia is thinking, <deleted> is going on and <deleted> do I do now!!! How can the guy not empathize with his mia's situation, the one he helped to create?? And now he's going to unjustly turn the tables to blame his mia for his own shortness? What a mixed up fool. It seems the impossible situation, especially since the mia is pregnant. My friend is a good guy and isn't willing to leave the pregnant mia alone for some new yet-unsure fling. He still loves mia#1 as the mother of his to-be-born child, yet his new feelings are undeniable. He is still young. Mia#2 is atleast understanding (for now) and a very decent and worthy girl. Mia#1 wins in the longer time invested, and the conception of a child. Mia#2 wins in his responsibility of her virginity, not to mention mutualness, understanding, and openess, and those eyes (so he tells me) An impossible situation which he created. Duh!!! A good guy?? In what way? Certainly not in this case. He couldn't possibly do any worse to his mia. So what are his virtues? He "loves" his mia? Love is such a cheap word that's thrown around with the least bit of understanding of the meaning of the term. He's clueless as to what love is. Mia #1 will probably never win in any which way with this guy as he'll most likely continue to think strictly with his little head. My, my, such uncontrollable lust. As long he he allows himself to envision a fling with every other pretty, sweet, and charming girl and can't keep his feelings in proper perspective he'll never be able to have a truly fulfilling relationship with anybody. No official laws have been broken yet as there are no registered marriages, and everyone is of age to consent, etc. As far as moral laws, it is arguable that many laws have been broken... The only laws that truly exist are the "laws" of the heart. The rest don't carry any weight whatsoever. This guy doesn't know where his heart is. Nor his conscience. Nor his self-integrity. But he most certainly knows where his dick is. a lot of grounds to cover...trust, deception, secrets, lust, excitement, culture... All of his own doing. Which he can't fess up to. Ok, what are some oppinions of those who have experienced something similar. What are the justifications. What are the possible worst/best outcomes? He knows the wrong in what has been done. Nevertheless, what has been done is done. And the hard yet perhaps right thing to do would be to walk away from the mia#2. Though, it seems a lose/lose situation...As then he would have decieved her...and it crumbles him to even think about hurting her as he is so deeply infatuated with her. There are no justifications. There are only choices. Think them through a little first and a lot of grief will be saved all around. As long as he's still considering mia #2 as a long term possibility there are no best outcomes. At least not for mia #1. Would it be hard to walk away from mia #2? Not at all if he were to understand what it is that he really wants and why he already has someone he loves yet still searches for more. How in the world could he be deceiving mia #2? How did he lead her astray when she had awareness of the circumstances from the start? Unless he made promises to her that he couldn't rightly keep. In which case he'd be digging a few holes for himself. Infatuation is for teenagers. Even if he were to continue with #2, he wouldn't neglect his responsibility to the child....but how can mia#1 come to terms...??? Owning up to his responsibility to his child is much easier said than done. If he throws the term "responsibility" around with as much looseness as "love" then he'll be apt to change his mind there, too, especially when things get tight. He'll be thinking strictly of himself again, with plenty of self-justification. Mia #1 will come to terms eventually. And her life is far from over. My wife's first husband (they weren't officially married but had a family) dumped her and his child for a girl with a car. But she's with someone now who truly understands what love is and would sooner cut off his right arm before he caused her any pain. The fundamental rule comes to mind about the truth/honesty setting one free, but I've found in Thailand, and from lots of advice, that sometimes lies may be the best solution...ingorance is bliss, etc. In this situation there's only self deceit. Learn about it with a great deal of personal pain. Can living many lives work out not always ending in disaster on the front page newspaper, some bizzare scandal bad ending, etc.? If so, how? Please share experences, wisdom, and thoughts. prefereably those who have been there/done that. Sure. Die and be reborn. I've been there and done that. But I worked it out in my head rather in the real world. I followed each scenario out mentally and the ultimate conclusion of each road wasn't hard to surmise. I asked myself what it was that I wanted. Happiness was the answer. Since I had that with my wife then what was the point in seeking it elsewhere? Again, you can fall in love with many, many people simultaneously. But to what end, for what purpose? There is none if you're already happy and fulfilled with the one you're with. And to be sure, there is no single person who could possibly fulfill your each and every desire. That person doesn't, and will never exist. You can know that fully and with the understanding that despite the fact you can still have endless happiness with a single person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daleyboy Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 (edited) Maybe i should have read on BUT the first few lines of your post say it all, your "friends" wife is 6 1/2 months pregnant, and is looking around at other women. The rest of the post is completely irrelevant and a waste of bandwidth. Only one word comes to mind and that is ASSH0LE. How can a person get somebody pregnant then look around at other women. Your "friend" needs to grow up and learn to take responsiblilty for his actions. Edited January 11, 2006 by daleyboy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thaipwriter Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 Another farang with his brains in his plank. Thailand needs another kid without a father like it needs another '97 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathyy Posted January 11, 2006 Share Posted January 11, 2006 If either lady has any sense at all they'll both dump him. A man who cheats is a man who cheats. #2 lady may well get him to abandon #1...but at some place in the back of her mind she knows he can't be trusted and is likely to repeat the scenario. It's not a question of being with the "right" lady, it's a matter of character, integrity, and responsibility. He has none. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misplaced Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 Hope he gets his pecker stuck in his zipper (if and when it happens) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaoPo Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 Hope he gets his pecker stuck in his zipper (if and when it happens) The one who is without sin, throw the first stone... LaoPo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 (edited) So this is a situation regarding a close friend who needs advice...(I swear, none of it's about me )(my friend) has a mia who is 6 1/2 months pregnant (what a coincidence! ) about a month ago, he fell for someone at his office.... That girl is the girl that everyguy in the office as well as out and about smiles/stares at as is similar the response to many girls towards my friend...so they kind of met their match foresay. It seems they have fallen head over heals for eachother...perhaps many factors. She also happens to have a bf upcountry (who promised his mother he would ordain before he loses his virginity)..she realizes that my friend has a pregnant mia, and so it's kind of a mutual benefit/agreement/affair from the start. Despite her pure and natural beauty, was still a virgin though getting quite curious and anxious for the experience..well-bred from wealthy family and wanting to do rebellious acts, etc.. What started off as just a side-kick fun flirt...one thing led to another: going out together, dinner, holding hands, virgin her rejecting his first kiss attempt, going out more, courting-spell casting, reserved him rejecting her anticipated kiss attempt in public, secret phone calls, a movie, more secret/long phone calls, deception towards his mia to see her... him seeing red...mia#1 getting suspicious, checking his phone, being a detective, etc..pushing him towards this new flame...and that's kind of where it stands It seems the impossible situation, especially since the mia is pregnant. My friend is a good guy and isn't willing to leave the pregnant mia alone for some new yet-unsure fling. He still loves mia#1 as the mother of his to-be-born child, yet his new feelings are undeniable. He is still young. Mia#2 is atleast understanding (for now) and a very decent and worthy girl. Mia#1 wins in the longer time invested, and the conception of a child. Mia#2 wins in his responsibility of her virginity, not to mention mutualness, understanding, and openess, and those eyes (so he tells me) No official laws have been broken yet as there are no registered marriages, and everyone is of age to consent, etc. As far as moral laws, it is arguable that many laws have been broken... a lot of grounds to cover...trust, deception, secrets, lust, excitement, culture... Ok, what are some oppinions of those who have experienced something similar. What are the justifications. What are the possible worst/best outcomes? He knows the wrong in what has been done. Nevertheless, what has been done is done. And the hard yet perhaps right thing to do would be to walk away from the mia#2. Though, it seems a lose/lose situation...As then he would have decieved her...and it crumbles him to even think about hurting her as he is so deeply infatuated with her. Even if he were to continue with #2, he wouldn't neglect his responsibility to the child....but how can mia#1 come to terms...??? The fundamental rule comes to mind about the truth/honesty setting one free, but I've found in Thailand, and from lots of advice, that sometimes lies may be the best solution...ingorance is bliss, etc. Can living many lives work out not always ending in disaster on the front page newspaper, some bizzare scandal bad ending, etc.? If so, how? Please share experences, wisdom, and thoughts. prefereably those who have been there/done that. Has wife who is preggars so he go's off with the office bimbo, sounds like a real nice chap. What would he do over here in Thailand with all these hookers around every corner. Edited January 12, 2006 by lostsoul Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nam Kao Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 Just when i think my life is screwed up i stumble apon a post like this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenwanderer108 Posted January 12, 2006 Author Share Posted January 12, 2006 Geezus guys and gals...didn't you ever study the concept of an 'amoral concience' i.e. Machiaveli...ok bad example But anyway...every one seems to be falling back to the western boxed cave of allegory when exploring the meaning of love and right...but would could I expat. This is Thaivisa, the know it all hub I guess if I wanted encouragement feedback, I should of posted this topic on a Thai male dominated forum A few have charged that my friend 'doesn't know what love is' And who is anybody here to define love? I'll tell you what love isn't. It isn't a black and white concept that one acquires in a chapel before he/she settles down in a white house on the corner with a picket fence...till death do us part, etc. etc. That's another topic altogether, so we'll get back to the point . Is it being applied that 'true love' is only possible with one life partner, and anything on the side is lust, immatturity, and selfishnes? I agree that yes, it is the second head of my friend that is in the driver's seat 75 percent of the time. 'selfishness' and 'immaturity' are definately flaws here... Such a triangle in modern society is only bound for one or more to hurt and pain. Is the world so simple as to possible outcomes...either he gets his hand of his nuts, dump #2, and take care of #1 and child full heardetly, otherwise he's a pathetic gimp loser who needs to be lynched? And regarding the child...Is it implied that any child who grows up whos parents aren't 'happily married' will suffer? Certainly, one who is born with the standard of 'mom' and 'dad', then later lose that standard, i.e. divorce, and/or mom or dad vanishes... will be affected. But does that mean that a father can only truly love his offspring if he is sleeping in the same bed with the mother??? visa versa? Thanks for all the imput anyhow. I'm not charging anyone is wrong...right on the mark of what I expected to hear...though it would be nice to hear some other angles outside the standard box, just for contrasting...lynch lynch lynch, love, love, love, lynch lynch lynch, love, love, love Laopo gave an account regarding Thai society and the mia nowy ordeal...which as I've heard can actually be healthy/beneficial to one's psyche, attitude, health etc.(one can't survive eating steak and potatoes ever day...need a salad every once in a while Then one could explore the roots/philosophy in sacred practices like Tantric and Taoist sexual alchemy, which advise for polygamous sexual behavior to achieve transcendental existences. Ofcourse this may/may not apply to my friend's case..which I have a feeling 95 percent of TV will say it's irrelevent...just a hunch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patex Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 Greenie, Life is not only about consuming. You will see, when you grow up. If not, you are just another cad who only can reproduce himself and get drunk every day. Feel comfortable, then, you stay with the majority Patex Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glauka Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 When you asked for our opinions you accepted that the people may not be sympathy towards your friend right? this seem to be the case... Anyway why did you ask for advice if you have made your mind up? I am going to read your reply carefully and give you my opinion... based in my education and experience.... Geezus guys and gals...didn't you ever study the concept of an 'amoral concience' i.e. Machiaveli...ok bad example No I have never study the amoral conscience and like it or not I am a moral individual...I most of the times try to put myself in both sides of a matter so that I can understand both parts...In this kind of cases I have not made an exception...and this has lead me to a clear opinion on such matters: your friend is an Inmature selfish guy... This opinion under my moral values and experience... But anyway...every one seems to be falling back to the western boxed cave of allegory when exploring the meaning of love and right...but would could I expat. This is Thaivisa, the know it all hub I guess if I wanted encouragement feedback, I should of posted this topic on a Thai male dominated forum when you post the first time were you looking for encouragement or for our honest opinion? Well your friend guilt and romantic feelings are very western-like so what are you talking about? Even your way of posting the situation is from a western guy-like... Now you expect views from other religions, philosophies and cultures... Please share experences, wisdom, and thoughts. prefereably those who have been there/done that. I have shared my experience, my thoughts and my wisdom (? ) A few have charged that my friend 'doesn't know what love is' And who is anybody here to define love? I'll tell you what love isn't. It isn't a black and white concept that one acquires in a chapel before he/she settles down in a white house on the corner with a picket fence...till death do us part, etc. etc. That's another topic altogether, so we'll get back to the point .Is it being applied that 'true love' is only possible with one life partner, and anything on the side is lust, immatturity, and selfishnes? Well sometimes is not about what have you done but how you deal once it has been done... Your friend has falling in love...fair enough that can happen to anyone... Now he has 3 options: 1. He tells his wife: Look I have fall in love with this girl and because we are in thailand i can have many woman because this is a culture where polygamous relationships are allowed... I though I should inform you about that... 2. He can tells his wife: Look I have fall in love with another woman I don´t know how it happened but I can´t change what i feel for her...I still love you, you are the mother of my child but I cannot ignore my feelings towards her... 3. He can just have fun with the new lover until the passion fades away or until the situation gets unbearable... Take responsability of your acts...Don´t be a coward I agree that yes, it is the second head of my friend that is in the driver's seat 75 percent of the time. 'selfishness' and 'immaturity' are definately flaws here... Such a triangle in modern society is only bound for one or more to hurt and pain. Is the world so simple as to possible outcomes...either he gets his hand of his nuts, dump #2, and take care of #1 and child full heardetly, otherwise he's a pathetic gimp loser who needs to be lynched? See my options above... He is pathetic because IMHO he is a coward and he is thinking more about himself than anyone else...again TAKE RESPONSABILITY FOR YOUR ACTS AND WORDS...DON´T BE A COWARD! And regarding the child...Is it implied that any child who grows up whos parents aren't 'happily married' will suffer? Certainly, one who is born with the standard of 'mom' and 'dad', then later lose that standard, i.e. divorce, and/or mom or dad vanishes... will be affected. But does that mean that a father can only truly love his offspring if he is sleeping in the same bed with the mother??? visa versa? Thanks for all the imput anyhow. I'm not charging anyone is wrong...right on the mark of what I expected to hear...though it would be nice to hear some other angles outside the standard box, just for contrasting...lynch lynch lynch, love, love, love, lynch lynch lynch, love, love, love Then post in a man dominated forum whose views are similar to yours because many of the replies are from male posters who I think gave their honest opinion . What do you want us to say...I just telling you what i think based on my experience. Sorry but I can´t write about things that i have never experience or though or read about it. Take or leave it as simple as that. Laopo gave an account regarding Thai society and the mia nowy ordeal...which as I've heard can actually be healthy/beneficial to one's psyche, attitude, health etc.(one can't survive eating steak and potatoes ever day...need a salad every once in a while Then one could explore the roots/philosophy in sacred practices like Tantric and Taoist sexual alchemy, which advise for polygamous sexual behavior to achieve transcendental existences. Again re-read your post and you will notice that is been writting from a western point of view/morality... In polygamous societies they will not even see a problem in your friend behaviour as to start a topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blabbel Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 Well, accusing the "friend" of being immature may well be accurate, but not very helpful. A self-created situation like this does accelerate 'character-building', since the pain inflicted on oneself and others nearby should put a quick end to any pubescent ideas of 'freedom' and other notions based outside reality. A deep look at oneself, what morality one chooses to adopt, issues about love, committment and responsibility from the past, including family background etc., might be in order here. Psychotherapy is a useful tool to further one's insights... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaoPo Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 Then one could explore the roots/philosophy in sacred practices like Tantric and Taoist sexual alchemy, which advise for polygamous sexual behavior to achieve transcendental existences. I'm sure some members would be more interested. Please explain more Do you know people, 'practising this bahavior'? Me no LaoPo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OZONE Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 Middle and Upper class* in Thailand invented the Mia Noi.....1, 2 or more! I know a very rich upper-elite 'gentleman' who has(had) 6......... Number 1, 2 and 3 know he has or had the others; the rest don't know about the others. Few months ago he met Nr. 7, a beautifull Thai airline stewardess.He's an unbelievable relaxed guy, also very nice, and plays golf almost 4, 5 times/week; really don't know where he finds the time to run after all of them. * Us Farangs will never understand the 'way-of-living' of these classes in the East; we always judge the people of the East by our own Western standards...Yeah, yeah, but don't forget the culture in the East; countries like Thailand and China have a culture that dates back a few thousand years, when us-Farang people were still fighting over a bone or two... LaoPo Good company you're keeping. He's probably setting good examples for all the kids around him . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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