I'd like to extend my heartfelt appreciation to all of you who have taken

the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank

you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and healthy.

* Extra thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat crap in the glue on

envelopes - cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal

an envelope.

* Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

* Because of your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because I

know it can remove toilet stains, which is not exactly an appealing

characteristic.

* I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked

with a needle infected with AIDS.

* I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water

buffalo on a hot day.

* I no longer go to shopping centres because someone might drug me with a

cologne sample and rob me.

* I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant

freaks with no eyes or feathers.

* I no longer worry about my soul because at last count, I have 363,214

angels looking out for me.

* Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I

forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five

minutes.

* I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl on the

Internet who is about to die in hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

* I no longer have any money at all in fact - but that will change once I

receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating

in their special on-line email program.

Yes, I want to thank you all so much for looking out for me that I will now

return the favour!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7

minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhoea will land on your

head at 5:00PM this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually

happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in- law's uncle's

girlfriend's...........

Reminds me of another letter:

A Truly Inspirational Tale Of Kindness

Author: Unknown

The following letter was forwarded by someone who teaches at a junior high school in Memphis, Tennessee. The letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. This story is a credit to all of humankind. Read it, soak it in, and bask in the warm feeling that it leaves you with.

Dear Reyer School:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the county home for the aged. All my people are gone. It's nice to know that someone thinks of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but would never let me listen to it. The other day her radio fell and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful. So then she asked if she could listen to mine, and I said ###### you.

Sincerely,

Edna Johnston