Wife Wants To Stay With Our Son Against My Will

[Djens]

Hi,

My wife, our son and I are currently in Thailand for 2 months, visiting the family. She has decided to stay with our 15 months young son and nothing that I say is/will change her mind.

I totally disagree with the fact that she wants to stay a year long with our son and her family, while she'd send me back home to work and provide for her and our son until she gets back.

I just want her and our son to come back with me.

She wants to get pregnant again, that's one of the main reasons of her wanting to stay for so long. The other reason is that she has no job at my home, and is bored with no family/friends to talk with. She has skype but these last few months both internet connections weren't that great so he couldn't really chat a lot, she's certainly frustrated about it. I think she has had enough of Belgium and wants to be with her family again for a while until the kiddo is old enough to go to school, in Belgium! I trust my wife but not when she is surrounded by family that surely can influence her and I find that they have no sense of responsability at all. I'm not even a month in thailand and there already have been problems surrounding the family in the village, but not concerning me or the kid, ... excluding this.

Our child was born in Thailand in early 2011. I stayed with my wife during her pregnancy and we got back to Belgium when he was 2 months old.

I'm not thinking about a divorce, that would be a last resort, but what can I / should I do? I contacted my embassy and they said that I had to contact a lawyer. I did that, emailed some of them but only received one answer that said that I should negociate with my wife since we both share the same parent rights. The lawyer also added something about Thai family & culture, so it wasn't really comforting to me. And it costs a lot of money to just have a lawyer come and try to negotiate for us, I can't afford this and I fear that the result would be the same or worse ... I don't see myself as a winner. I don't feel ready to negociate, I don't see what there is to negociate, it's either black or white, yes or no. And I'm well aware that our son needs both parents, but his mom more at that young age. She is still breast feeding, and the kid cries a lot when his mom goes away, even if it's to the toilets, taking a shower, etc ... I'm quite sure he feels that there is something wrong and fears the separation.

I told my parents about it because; I'm still quite young (26), and they told me to fight for the kid, not let everything go south. They advised me to tell her that I won't send any money, not pay for her car anymore (Still 2 years left) ... etc ... and see her reaction. But I know my wife, she would tell me that I'm iresponsible of not taking care of her and above all, our son. And that she would be ready to divorce right now, and care for our son on her own with the help of the family.

I don't want to go to court with this, that would mean a divorce and I can't see myself coming out from this as a winner.

Please help?

Thanks a lot.

[TommoPhysicist]

Agree with everything she says.

Make an excuse to go off for the day with your son, then get on a plane with your son and go home.

[brit1984]

Move to Thailand.

[expat63]

No one will be "winner" cases like this.

What your wife actually has done is kidnapping of your son.

You should really consider your relationship and listen to your parents. And you can always go to the police. They can probably advice you what to do.

Hope everything will end well

Edited July 9, 2012 by expat63

[Mario2008]

If you care about your wife and child you try to work out the problems. As you say, your wife doesn't seem happy in Belgium and with reason. You will need to work things out and and make plans with her to either live together in Belgium and make her more confortbale staying there or you to stay in Thailand, or seperate/divorce.

Kidnapping is no solution and can get you in very serious trouble. Besides, you want to stay with both.

[brit1984]

I don't understand what this has to do with the embassy, lawyers or police.

It is personal matter that you need to sort out amongst yourselves.

Your wife wants to live in Thailand but you want to live in Belgium.

You either need to convince her to go to Belgium or move yourself to Thailand.

[dingdang]

maybe a compromise: 6 months thailand, 6 months belgium?

[phl]

If you care about your wife and child you try to work out the problems. As you say, your wife doesn't seem happy in Belgium and with reason. You will need to work things out and and make plans with her to either live together in Belgium and make her more confortbale staying there or you to stay in Thailand, or seperate/divorce.

Kidnapping is no solution and can get you in very serious trouble. Besides, you want to stay with both.

Agree, OP must try to put himself into her shoes.

For some reason, we hear this kind or similar stories way too often.

Men must think before taking Thai girl to the West, there are so many things to consider, such as total isolation, lack of real Thai food,lack of friends, lack of social life etc.

I also think OP should come to Thailand and try to work out the issues in a civilized manner and perhaps change some things around in Belgium, even may be moving to a city that does have Thai population, help her get a job and find something in common to give her some kind of life outside the 4 walls

[kennkate]

I doubt you could move to Thailand At 26 years of age. What job could you get in Thailand that would give you the income to support yourself and the family.

You would have to put that to your wife. Lay it on the line. I doubt she will understand but you will have to be realistic and so will she.

Good Luck

[TommoPhysicist]

Kidnapping is no solution and can get you in very serious trouble. Besides, you want to stay with both.

There is no law in Thailand preventing a married man from taking his child home with him, as you well know.

[Djens]

I know it's a negociation between my wife and myself, but if she only wants to stay in Thailand right now and I only want to go back, there is room for negociations. Well it's not like she wants to stay in Thailand for ever. She just asks me for a "gap year" to stay with her family and possibly be pregnant again.

The only thing is that I don't really want that, our son is so young and I would miss him a lot. I don't trust the thai relatives, I would be worried every day.

I have considered to, again, stay in Thailand and give what my wife wants. But I just can't do it like before, I don't have the finances anymore. And my wife knows it and doesn't want me to stay.

I certainly don't want to do anything bad, just something legal and try to convince my wife to come back, even if right now that seems very very difficult.

I know that there is a solution, accept what she wants, and be separated from her and our son for at least 9 months, but I'd like to find another one, that doesn't involve my son to be far away.

[brit1984]

I doubt you could move to Thailand At 26 years of age. What job could you get in Thailand that would give you the income to support yourself and the family.

You would have to put that to your wife. Lay it on the line. I doubt she will understand but you will have to be realistic and so will she.

Good Luck

...I am not sure about 26 but I moved here 1 month after my 27th birthday

[brit1984]

Also, have you considered Singapore or Hong Kong?

[phl]

I know it's a negociation between my wife and myself, but if she only wants to stay in Thailand right now and I only want to go back, there is room for negociations. Well it's not like she wants to stay in Thailand for ever. She just asks me for a "gap year" to stay with her family and possibly be pregnant again.

The only thing is that I don't really want that, our son is so young and I would miss him a lot. I don't trust the thai relatives, I would be worried every day.

I have considered to, again, stay in Thailand and give what my wife wants. But I just can't do it like before, I don't have the finances anymore. And my wife knows it and doesn't want me to stay.

I certainly don't want to do anything bad, just something legal and try to convince my wife to come back, even if right now that seems very very difficult.

I know that there is a solution, accept what she wants, and be separated from her and our son for at least 9 months, but I'd like to find another one, that doesn't involve my son to be far away.

Mate, just one thing, if you stay in Belgium and she stay in Thailand how would she get pregnant again and who would be the father?

[Djens]

If you care about your wife and child you try to work out the problems. As you say, your wife doesn't seem happy in Belgium and with reason. You will need to work things out and and make plans with her to either live together in Belgium and make her more confortbale staying there or you to stay in Thailand, or seperate/divorce.

Kidnapping is no solution and can get you in very serious trouble. Besides, you want to stay with both.

Agree, OP must try to put himself into her shoes.

For some reason, we hear this kind or similar stories way too often.

Men must think before taking Thai girl to the West, there are so many things to consider, such as total isolation, lack of real Thai food,lack of friends, lack of social life etc.

I also think OP should come to Thailand and try to work out the issues in a civilized manner and perhaps change some things around in Belgium, even may be moving to a city that does have Thai population, help her get a job and find something in common to give her some kind of life outside the 4 walls

Yes I understand her, but it seems she doesn't understand me, and how I would feel without our son.

A few details : I'm actually in Thailand, on a holiday, but she doesn't want to go back. And my wife knows Belgium, she has lives there for a few years with me already. I know that I have things to improve, when we came back from Thailand with our son I went back to school (I got paid for it too ...) but it didn't work out. Now when I get back I'll have to find a job.

And I live in a place where there are a few thai's, but she doesn't care. When I went to school, she never got out of the house with our son for a walk. It's not like I forced her to stay at home. It's only when I came back from school and on week ends that we went out.

[phl]

I doubt you could move to Thailand At 26 years of age. What job could you get in Thailand that would give you the income to support yourself and the family.

You would have to put that to your wife. Lay it on the line. I doubt she will understand but you will have to be realistic and so will she.

Good Luck

...I am not sure about 26 but I moved here 1 month after my 27th birthday

so why do not you tell him what job you did at 27?

[kotsak]

..and possibly be pregnant again.

You've mentioned this twice.. Can you elaborate on this please?

[phl]

If you care about your wife and child you try to work out the problems. As you say, your wife doesn't seem happy in Belgium and with reason. You will need to work things out and and make plans with her to either live together in Belgium and make her more confortbale staying there or you to stay in Thailand, or seperate/divorce.

Kidnapping is no solution and can get you in very serious trouble. Besides, you want to stay with both.

Agree, OP must try to put himself into her shoes.

For some reason, we hear this kind or similar stories way too often.

Men must think before taking Thai girl to the West, there are so many things to consider, such as total isolation, lack of real Thai food,lack of friends, lack of social life etc.

I also think OP should come to Thailand and try to work out the issues in a civilized manner and perhaps change some things around in Belgium, even may be moving to a city that does have Thai population, help her get a job and find something in common to give her some kind of life outside the 4 walls

Yes I understand her, but it seems she doesn't understand me, and how I would feel without our son.

A few details : I'm actually in Thailand, on a holiday, but she doesn't want to go back. And my wife knows Belgium, she has lives there for a few years with me already. I know that I have things to improve, when we came back from Thailand with our son I went back to school (I got paid for it too ...) but it didn't work out. Now when I get back I'll have to find a job.

And I live in a place where there are a few thai's, but she doesn't care. When I went to school, she never got out of the house with our son for a walk. It's not like I forced her to stay at home. It's only when I came back from school and on week ends that we went out.

May be she does not like Belgium at all but too shy to say so and never wants to go back, it is also a possibility.

I am also confused, because first you said she left to Thailand and does not want to return, but now you say you are in Thailand and she does not want to return.

[phl]

..and possibly be pregnant again.

You've mentioned this twice.. Can you elaborate on this please?

i am also confused on this one. Not only because OP is in one place in 1 post but another place in another, but also if she does not want to stay together, why does she want to be pregnant again?!

[Djens]

She tells me she will come back, that she isn't a bad girl, that she only needs a little bit of time with her family etc ...

To be clear, read the first post again where I said :

"My wife, our son and I are currently in Thailand for 2 months, visiting the family. She has decided to stay with our 15 months young son and nothing that I say is/will change her mind."

We all are in Thailand right now. And about being pregnant again, like I wrote in the first post, she wants our son to have a little sister or brother, and wants to be pregnant and stay here in thailand until the baby is born and old enough to travel.

And yes, it takes 2 people to make a baby, so if I refuse, and I leave alone, she won't have the excuse to stay a minimum 9 months right? But if she wants to play it smart and not come back ... it's not right.

Edited July 9, 2012 by Djens

[TommoPhysicist]

May be she does not like Belgium at all but too shy to say so and never wants to go back, it is also a possibility.

May be she doesn't like the OP very much, and it's her way of keeping the kid, getting the OP to send her regular cash, and effectively ditching the OP. But avoiding all the hassle.

[phl]

She tells me she will come back, that she isn't a bad girl, that she only needs a

if i may ask, what is her background? education and previous employment? that information could be vital to give you all the answers you need

[TommoPhysicist]

She tells me she will come back, that she isn't a bad girl, that she only needs a

if i may ask, what is her background? education and previous employment? that information could be vital to give you all the answers you need

You don't really need to ask, do you?

[Djens]

..and possibly be pregnant again.

You've mentioned this twice.. Can you elaborate on this please?

i am also confused on this one. Not only because OP is in one place in 1 post but another place in another, but also if she does not want to stay together, why does she want to be pregnant again?!

Where did I mention being in 2 different places? If I did, it's a typo or so but I can't see it.

I'm genuine and not trolling, just asking for advice on what to do as I really don't know. And english isn't my primary language so sorry if things aren't clear.

[Brabo]

check your PM

[phl]

..and possibly be pregnant again.

You've mentioned this twice.. Can you elaborate on this please?

i am also confused on this one. Not only because OP is in one place in 1 post but another place in another, but also if she does not want to stay together, why does she want to be pregnant again?!

Where did I mention being in 2 different places? If I did, it's a typo or so but I can't see it.

I'm genuine and not trolling, just asking for advice on what to do as I really don't know. And english isn't my primary language so sorry if things aren't clear.

i am sorry i must have misread, as i thought you were in Belgium but then you said you were also in Thailand. but you still not elaborate on the pregnant again point

[Djens]

She tells me she will come back, that she isn't a bad girl, that she only needs a

if i may ask, what is her background? education and previous employment? that information could be vital to give you all the answers you need

You don't really need to ask, do you?

Yep, it speaks for itself. Met her in a bar like 5 years ago. Has never left my side since then, or only for 2 weeks when visiting her family once. No real education, left school to go work in a factory before trying the bar scene, but not for a long time. Isaan girl, family living in the sticks ... but owning land, a house, and a car (my wife) that I'm paying for.

[brit1984]

I doubt you could move to Thailand At 26 years of age. What job could you get in Thailand that would give you the income to support yourself and the family.

You would have to put that to your wife. Lay it on the line. I doubt she will understand but you will have to be realistic and so will she.

Good Luck

...I am not sure about 26 but I moved here 1 month after my 27th birthday

so why do not you tell him what job you did at 27?

We set up some small businesses (bricks-and-mortar and online) before moving over, as well as retaining a stake in the fund where I used to work and investing in minority equity in businesses owned or managed by friends.

Since moving to Thailand I have set up two further (bricks-and-mortar) businesses, with the help of my wife (or maybe more accurate to say she set them up with my help).

If the OP prefers being an employee, there are opportunities in Singapore or Hong Kong (probably better than Belgium). Even in Bangkok, he can find a job that will pay the bills (or even more with a bit of luck).

[Djens]

Well about being pregnant again. To keep it short. In March 2010 I came to Thailand until May 2011, I came here with enough cash to try to open a game shop, didn't work out in the end due to gossip and police asking for bribes etc ... Our son is born in March 2011 and we decided to come back to Belgium where I had the opportunity to go back to school (for a degree) while gaining money. In the end, it didn't work out as I failed ... Now we are in thailand for a holiday and she wants to have another kid now. She hopes to have a girl so she has a boy and a girl and then doesn't need kids anymore.

I hope this is clearer

[TommoPhysicist]

Yep, it speaks for itself. Met her in a bar like 5 years ago. Has never left my side since then, or only for 2 weeks when visiting her family once. No real education, left school to go work in a factory before trying the bar scene, but not for a long time. Isaan girl, family living in the sticks ... but owning land, a house, and a car (my wife) that I'm paying for.

If you leave her in Thailand, she will be back in a bar the next week, and the kid will be living with grandma on the farm.

You didn't have as much money as she originally thought, so she's bailing, to look for another mark, that's just the way it works.

Very common, seen it happen loads of times.

When the guy runs out of cash, the girl runs out the door.

Edited July 9, 2012 by TommoPhysicist