Would You Tell Your Wife If The Doctor Told You She May Have Down Syndrome Child.

[krisb]

My wife is living here in Australia and shes 20 weeks pregnant. She has just had a blood test to give the odds for down syndrome child. Today the Doctor rang me as she isnt so fluent in English and its easier for me to translate to her. The Doc said her test results came back 1 in 35 chance of down syndrome, this is quite high . Would you tell your wife?

[TommoPhysicist]

They will refer her for further testing.

Blood tests are not definitive.

After 20 weeks I don't believe there are any options in Australia anyway, so why worry her.

Edited August 9, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[oxymoron]

My daughter in law, Chinese 34 years of age, first pregnancy, a real worry wart with top specialist was told only a window between 14 and 16 weeks for this test to be done. Went to all expense to fit the window and result was 1 in 334. Her girlfriend Korean 38 years old came back 1 in 1400, you can imagine the drama.

The results are done by a computer software program, here in Perth, with variables as to age, weight, size, --colour of eyes which way the wind is blowing etc.

IMHO do not tell you Thai wife as this result is little ahead of 'Fortune telling" and you will stress her out to a point anything could happen.

Definitely do some reseach, from my DIL a lot on the internet, and follow up preferably with a different doctor, to be very confident of what you wife is told is 99%

[krisb]

Hmm interesting. I think although 1 in 35 is meant to be very high, its only like 3% so I know my mrs gets worried alot by alot and I dont think telling her will help her be happy while being pregnant. I dont keep secrets or lie to her ever that I can remember but on this occasion I think what she doesnt know wont hurt her. I think even if it had down syndrome I would still keep the child anyway. wish doctors wouldnt tell people this unless its really possible like 1 in 3 or something.

[krisb]

They will refer her for further testing.

Blood tests are not definitive.

After 20 weeks I don't believe there are any options in Australia anyway, so why worry her.

I cant imagine my wife allowing a dr to insert a needle into the embryonic fluid sack to geta sample. Think your right, why worry her. thankyou!

[Morakot]

They will refer her for further testing.

Blood tests are not definitive.

After 20 weeks I don't believe there are any options in Australia anyway, so why worry her.

I cant imagine my wife allowing a dr to insert a needle into the embryonic fluid sack to geta sample. Think your right, why worry her. thankyou!

But then again why would she have taken the test, if she is not interested in the results?

How would one deal with the situation afterwards, if it is really the case, with her questioning why the test showed fine?

I hope anything will be fine.

Edited August 9, 2012 by Morakot

[krisb]

They will refer her for further testing.

Blood tests are not definitive.

After 20 weeks I don't believe there are any options in Australia anyway, so why worry her.

I cant imagine my wife allowing a dr to insert a needle into the embryonic fluid sack to geta sample. Think your right, why worry her. thankyou!

But then again why would she have taken the test, if she is not interested in the results?

How would one deal with the situation afterwards, if it is really the case, with her questioning why the test showed fine?

I hope anything will be fine.

The blood test checks for a number of things of which I couldnt tell you anyway all that was fine bar the D.S test.

[Goinghomesoon]

Kris...as a woman I would definately want to know. And yes 1/35 is considered a very high chance of a having a "Baby Errrr" (as my Thai hubby refers to Downs children).

Personally if I had medical tests in Thailand and the results were given to my husband in Thai, I would definately want to know the results even if they had potentially bad news. Particulately if your wife is going to be a stay-at-home-mum then she would be the one to bear much of the burden of raising the child.

I think that you need to sit and think about how a Downs child would affect your life. By thinking about the worst case scenario you can be prepared, but hopefully be pleasantly surprised and not need the information you gather.

Each state in Aust has different rules about late terminations due to fetal abnormalities post-20 weeks if you are considering this (eg: Vic permits it up to 28 weeks). I am not trying to sway you one way or the other.

Edited August 9, 2012 by Goinghomesoon

[krisb]

Kris...as a woman I would definately want to know. And yes 1/35 is considered a very high chance of a having a "Baby Errrr" (as my Thai hubby refers to Downs children).

Personally if I had medical tests in Thailand and the results were given to my husband in Thai, I would definately want to know the results even if they had potentially bad news. Particulately if your wife is going to be a stay-at-home-mum then she would be the one to bear much of the burden of raising the child.

I think that you need to sit and think about how a Downs child would affect your life. By thinking about the worst case scenario you can be prepared, but hopefully be pleasantly surprised and not need the information you gather.

Each state in Aust has different rules about late terminations due to fetal abnormalities post-20 weeks if you are considering this (eg: Vic permits it up to 28 weeks). I am not trying to sway you one way or the other.

Thanks for some good advice. This will be my 1st child and it stressed me out getting this call from doc. Honestly if the baby was I wouldnt just get rid of it. Perhaps I should tell, it is her body holding the baby. Hmm, I'll sleep on it tonight but thankyou! appreciated much much. Edited August 9, 2012 by krisb

[WinnieTheKhwai]

There are other tests you can take to give a definitive answer. Even on an echo scan they can do measurements to get more information. 'one in 35' may be 'high' compared to the general incidence of down syndrome, it's not 'high' by any kind of real world thing.

So don't worry her, but do get additional tests.

[krisb]

yeah more i think about it more i think dont worry. its really only 3% so 97ish% it will be normal. i did tell my wife she says no problem, luang por says all ok so hey if shes not worried im not. i think. thanks all for some good advice from friendly strangers. thanks!!

[krisb]

There are other tests you can take to give a definitive answer. Even on an echo scan they can do measurements to get more information. 'one in 35' may be 'high' compared to the general incidence of down syndrome, it's not 'high' by any kind of real world thing.

So don't worry her, but do get additional tests.

nah the next test involves putting a needle in the embryonic fluid sack and testing a sample. freaks me out the thought of that and my mrs says no way. that test has a slight risk of causing miscarriage also. think i we will just let god/buddha take care of business and although im not religious as such, she sure is and put our trust in them

[TommoPhysicist]

There are other tests you can take to give a definitive answer. Even on an echo scan they can do measurements to get more information. 'one in 35' may be 'high' compared to the general incidence of down syndrome, it's not 'high' by any kind of real world thing.

So don't worry her, but do get additional tests.

nah the next test involves putting a needle in the embryonic fluid sack and testing a sample. freaks me out the thought of that and my mrs says no way. that test has a slight risk of causing miscarriage also. think i we will just let god/buddha take care of business and although im not religious as such, she sure is and put our trust in them

I hear a rumour that for every detected downs (using amniocentesis), there are 3 spontaneous miscarriages of healthy babies. It always put me off having such a test.

[necronx99]

There are other tests you can take to give a definitive answer. Even on an echo scan they can do measurements to get more information. 'one in 35' may be 'high' compared to the general incidence of down syndrome, it's not 'high' by any kind of real world thing.

So don't worry her, but do get additional tests.

Considering the consequences, 3% is not negligible or remote by any standard. 3% happens all the time.

[Nowhereman60]

She has a right to know. I don't understand why the doctor didn't tell her unless she doesn't understand English.

[stiggy]

She's your partner, what right do you have not to tell her about hers and yours future child ?

You are adult enough to have a child together, so discuss the results and consequences together also.

Good luck and hope it works out well for you all.

[krisb]

She has a right to know. I don't understand why the doctor didn't tell her unless she doesn't understand English.

Hi, shes so so with English. Not bad but not great. Doctor called me as it was my contact number and its easier to tell me as she wont understand everything, I translate for her. She really worries alot about too much as it is. Anyway after thinking it through I told her and suprisingly she just shrugged it off and said no, the monks already said its healthy. So guess thats it.

[krisb]

She's your partner, what right do you have not to tell her about hers and yours future child ?

You are adult enough to have a child together, so discuss the results and consequences together also.

Good luck and hope it works out well for you all.

Thanks for the advice, and yes your right. Should all be fine Im sure.

[mikecwm]

How many Down's children - or adults come to that, have you seen that where not smiling and enjoying life?

My wife was expecting her first (and last) at 41. We talked about her getting tested for the chances the baby might have Downs - more prevalent in first time older mothers we believed).

She thought about it and then decided she did not want to be tested. Did not want to lose her probable only chance to have a child - Downs or not.

Parents still love their Downs children.

Sure, they change any parents life - so do normal children.

As it happens our son was born healthy, but I totally understood her decision not to test.

[stefb1964]

Nowadays all people insist to be fully informed by doctors about any of their health issues. It's a fundamental right and no doctor should hold back something about a condition you might have.

I would consider it very disrespectful not telling her, even if she doesn't understand English very well (maybe she has some close Thai friend who can assist you with this).

Besides telling her what the current findings of the medical staff are, I would care to explain her that more tests exist to prove whether or not the baby has Down syndrome.

Whatever the outcome of those tests may be, it will give her as well as yourself peace of mind from which you can decide on considering what to do next.

My wife and I have been in a similar situation. Not telling her might have a serious impact on your future relationship.

[MrRealDeal]

I personally can't imagine a more outragous question than asking if you should withhold medical information from your wife about her baby and possible risks over it.

[krisb]

I personally can't imagine a more outragous question than asking if you should withhold medical information from your wife about her baby and possible risks over it.

Hang on, the 1 in 35 chance although high is only 3%. So that makes it 97% chance of being normal. If it was born with DS we would keep it anyhow. So that means why tell her something that cant be changed anyway. She wont have the further test called an amnio or amino not sure which one its called.why cause her the worry when its not really necesary if its not going to change the outcome. I have spoken to family and they say the same. These days dr's feel the need to give you all the stats to cover themselves and really if you are told theres a 3% chance of rain would you take an umbrella?

[kannon99]

Research shows that if there is something wrong with the baby, the mother fares better finding out at/after the birth than before. The stress hormones about potential defects isn't good for mom or baby.

[bina]

my ex's sister died as a result of an amniocentisis that went severely wrong: one of the statistics of 1:1000. her fetus died with her. for most of us that was severely traumatic and to the point of not doing any invasive interuterine checks... when my other ex sis in law was abot 40+ she was on the list of those thta could do the test w/o fees. she chose to not do the test stating that the other blood tests ruled out spina bifida etc and as a devote christian (and in israel where having medical reason abortions still means going through doctor's committes and social worker and religious cleric if need be), she declared that it wouldnt matter what the out come so why bother to do the tests. as it happens there are many other accurate tests nowadays, its just a matter of insurance coverage and country/national regulations as to who can do what when.

so i know that majority of older mothers prefer not to do amniocentisis here nowadays. as for the right to know, here at least, doctors still will talk to relatives about someone (the patient) if they feel it neccessary... however, the more knowlege even of birth defects, the better prepared the staff can be at the birth, even deciding how the birth should be taken care... there are other reasons that it is good to know in advance: financial. not every family can support and maintain a child with health problems. yes, down's kids are smiley. they also suffer from heart disease,diabetes and an infinite amount of other problems.

however, sometimes too much knowlege causes untoward stress, the doctor and staff can discuss with family/partners if there is a feeling that the involved party would be way too stressed with knowlege that is actually farily unrealistic.

sometimes knowing too much is as bad as not knowing at all.

bina

israel

[krisb]

Research shows that if there is something wrong with the baby, the mother fares better finding out at/after the birth than before. The stress hormones about potential defects isn't good for mom or baby.

so your saying you wouldnt tell your wife?

[kannon99]

If my husband were to not tell me, I would see it as a huge breach of trust.

This is something that can have huge ramifications for your marriage, and only you can decide if it is worth it.

As a side note, if it were me, instead, I wouldn't do the testing as there is nothing that can be done about it anyway, and it's not worth the stress during pregnancy.

[Boo]

I really wonder the opinion some of you have of your wives, they are thai, not mentally deficient. Thankfully you have informed her of the important information about the child she is carrying in HER body. Jebus!

[krisb]

If my husband were to not tell me, I would see it as a huge breach of trust.

This is something that can have huge ramifications for your marriage, and only you can decide if it is worth it.

As a side note, if it were me, instead, I wouldn't do the testing as there is nothing that can be done about it anyway, and it's not worth the stress during pregnancy.

I understand exactly what your saying. We would keep the baby regardless of what it may have.

[krisb]

I really wonder the opinion some of you have of your wives, they are thai, not mentally deficient. Thankfully you have informed her of the important information about the child she is carrying in HER body. Jebus!

Hmm, your opinion. Why cause stress to her? Thats the way I see it. anyway I did tell her what the dr said and she took it really well surprisingly.

[chunktal]

I really wonder the opinion some of you have of your wives, they are thai, not mentally deficient. Thankfully you have informed her of the important information about the child she is carrying in HER body. Jebus!

Hmm, your opinion. Why cause stress to her? Thats the way I see it. anyway I did tell her what the dr said and she took it really well surprisingly.

Had this with my ex in Australia and with my wife here in Thailand and the problem I see is the way the doctors put it. I think we had 1 in 32 and 1 in 36 or something like that for each with the first one and both stressed out. Took some time to get them both calm and consider it in 31 in 32 and 35 in 36 odds, if that was the lottery I'd buy a ticket for sure. 3 kids later, all healthy and well.

I have a cousin with Downs and a friend here with a young daughter with Downs so am aware it happens but their parents still love them. Doesn't stop them from enjoying life, last I heard my cousin was doing computer programming.