What Happens At A Thai Wedding Ceremony

[thai_time]

I am planning on marrying my Thai gf, we are just make early wedding preperations. It has become obvious to me that people in Thailand and the west celebrate wedding in completely different ways. I have not been able to get too much information on the subject. It appears that in Thailand there is no real wedding party. My gf said there is no real emphasis put on the meal (very strange for Thailand i tought) and people just stay for a short time and then leave early and dont really get drunk. Where i come from weddings last all day and by the end everyone is pissed and having a good time. Can anyone run thru the wedding procedure as i haven't been able to get too much out of her.

thanks

[steveromagnino]

I am planning on marrying my Thai gf, we are just make early wedding preperations. It has become obvious to me that people in Thailand and the west celebrate wedding in completely different ways. I have not been able to get too much information on the subject. It appears that in Thailand there is no real wedding party. My gf said there is no real emphasis put on the meal (very strange for Thailand i tought) and people just stay for a short time and then leave early and dont really get drunk. Where i come from weddings last all day and by the end everyone is pissed and having a good time. Can anyone run thru the wedding procedure as i haven't been able to get too much out of her.

thanks

Can you provide a fraction more detail? Upcountry or in BKK? Are you talking about a reception or what?

This may or may not be correct depending on the type of event; certainly not so common to have long boring speeches from all and sundry, but there can most definitely be a party (particularly upcountry) whereas BKK may be a more corporate affair with friends of family and so on eating a banquet dinner or it could be somewhere for show but without the massive amount of money for a banquet with people showing up for a drink and snack, a few toasts and people go home.

The key elements of some weddings would be: (and it all depends on the family involved and can be massively different) - during day - starting often very early in the morning

- groom and groom's party, perhaps on another day, walk to the bride's house, and a representative of the family might present the groom to the parents of the bride for marriage

- presentation of the sin sod (a showy sort of affair, particularly if you are white and marrying someone upcountry with poor parents, and you like to give them tons of money, this may or may not be returned depending on what you negotiated)

- a buddhist ceremony

- the presentation of the birde and groom to the family Thai style, with the tying of the string together, and the chance for each friend and family to bless them

Then in the evening

- dinner with assigned seating OR standing

- bride and groom persented and on stage

- various people come up and give speeches and blessings; usually starting with the most important person in the room in seniority e.g. a prominant politician, statesman, the boss at work, etc - not necessarily parents of the bride and groom

- toasts

- people eat and go home (or just go home if there is not much food)

- possibly some entertainment (singer or similar)

not a large amount of drinking and getting drunk in BKK, a lot more of that upcountry, but again not always.

I've been to weddings of commoners presided over by The King (although His Majesty does not attend), small family weddings, up country weddings and really fun up country weddings. They are all different; there is perhaps more flexibility to control the sequence than you think, and the most sucessful and enjoyable weddings with foreigners were the ones where they didn't try to hard to have a 'Thai wedding' but tried to take the best bits of their own way and combine with Thai.

one word of warning; long speeches in English are really really boring and no one wants to him them in any wedding, Thai or English. keep it short and funny. Get a decent bilingual MC who can keep the party going. Get a wedding planner if necessary.

The emphasis on the food is most important for Chinese weddings and for Thai weddings, selection of food (e.g. lots of noodles and things that are long and stringy) is important, but your partner is right to say that most people aren't really going for the food.

Lots of contradictions here; for more help you can PM me.

[sbk]

Where is she from in Thailand? Different regions have different customs.

But here, there is a meal (served thai style, with many at the table sharing) and every relative, friend and neighbor is invited. And some people do stay and get drunk too. Not too different after all

[Stephen Cleary]

I am planning on marrying my Thai gf, we are just make early wedding preperations. It has become obvious to me that people in Thailand and the west celebrate wedding in completely different ways. I have not been able to get too much information on the subject. It appears that in Thailand there is no real wedding party. My gf said there is no real emphasis put on the meal (very strange for Thailand i tought) and people just stay for a short time and then leave early and dont really get drunk. Where i come from weddings last all day and by the end everyone is pissed and having a good time. Can anyone run thru the wedding procedure as i haven't been able to get too much out of her.

thanks

Can you provide a fraction more detail? Upcountry or in BKK? Are you talking about a reception or what?

This may or may not be correct depending on the type of event; certainly not so common to have long boring speeches from all and sundry, but there can most definitely be a party (particularly upcountry) whereas BKK may be a more corporate affair with friends of family and so on eating a banquet dinner or it could be somewhere for show but without the massive amount of money for a banquet with people showing up for a drink and snack, a few toasts and people go home.

The key elements of some weddings would be: (and it all depends on the family involved and can be massively different) - during day - starting often very early in the morning

- groom and groom's party, perhaps on another day, walk to the bride's house, and a representative of the family might present the groom to the parents of the bride for marriage

- presentation of the sin sod (a showy sort of affair, particularly if you are white and marrying someone upcountry with poor parents, and you like to give them tons of money, this may or may not be returned depending on what you negotiated)

- a buddhist ceremony

- the presentation of the birde and groom to the family Thai style, with the tying of the string together, and the chance for each friend and family to bless them

Then in the evening

- dinner with assigned seating OR standing

- bride and groom persented and on stage

- various people come up and give speeches and blessings; usually starting with the most important person in the room in seniority e.g. a prominant politician, statesman, the boss at work, etc - not necessarily parents of the bride and groom

- toasts

- people eat and go home (or just go home if there is not much food)

- possibly some entertainment (singer or similar)

not a large amount of drinking and getting drunk in BKK, a lot more of that upcountry, but again not always.

I've been to weddings of commoners presided over by The King (although His Majesty does not attend), small family weddings, up country weddings and really fun up country weddings. They are all different; there is perhaps more flexibility to control the sequence than you think, and the most sucessful and enjoyable weddings with foreigners were the ones where they didn't try to hard to have a 'Thai wedding' but tried to take the best bits of their own way and combine with Thai.

one word of warning; long speeches in English are really really boring and no one wants to him them in any wedding, Thai or English. keep it short and funny. Get a decent bilingual MC who can keep the party going. Get a wedding planner if necessary.

The emphasis on the food is most important for Chinese weddings and for Thai weddings, selection of food (e.g. lots of noodles and things that are long and stringy) is important, but your partner is right to say that most people aren't really going for the food.

Lots of contradictions here; for more help you can PM me.

No doubt about it, Steve here certainly knows what he's talking about. Very well detailaed.

Just a couple other things.

Another key to getting married in Thailand is that the bridegroom needs to have a 'Phu -Yai'. This is what Steve meant by a 'representative'. It translates as 'an elder'. It is the 'Phu Yai's job to 'side' with the potentail bridegroom, introduce him as a fellow of 'sound' character and recommend that he is worthy of the girl-in-name's hand in marriage. This discussion is conducted prior to any marriage plans.

In Thai tradition, if the parents of the potential bride are happy with the recommendations of the 'Phu Yai' - the dowry is then negotiated. Of course, this tradition may not be as strict as it once used to be, but a 'Phu Yai' is still a must.

In Bangkok these days, it is common that the couple get engaged on the morning of the wedding!

When the potential bridegroom approaches the place of the girl and her parents he will have to pass few a few so-called doors, like a gold one etc...... A friendly few banknotes; and he will be allowed through, this is just old Thai tradition be played up, just for the fun - nothing serious.

An hour or so, before an auspicious time of say...9:09. The 'Phu Yai' introduces the fellow to the parents of the girl, says a few fine words and then offers a dowry on his behalf. Next, after the parents have given the all go; the actual marriage ceremony takes place.

It is also the 'Phu Yai's' job to get up on the stage in the evening and give the first 'speech' -again introducing the bridegroom as a 'respectable man', this time - to all the attendees.

The 'Phu Yai' as the 'elder' ought to hold a high social status or/and be a direct relative of the bridegroom. A relatively high ranking government officer/civil servant or doctor, policeman, judge, soldier or a succesful businessman are good examples of a ....'worthy Phu Yai'

It was FM Phibun Songkram and his wife, during the 1930s, who actually wrote up 'The Procedures' to getting married in Thailand. His undoubted influence still shadows over how Thais get married til this day (see Steve's description above).

But as has been written here. Thailand is a great place for just 'making it up as you go alone'. There really aren't any fixed procedures to getting married in Thailand. Most of the time it will be up to the girls own family or village tradition etc.... how the wedding goes.

As for a 'Farang' getting married to a poor village girl. Her parents aren't give a darned to any procedures, just as long as he 'flashes an over-charged dowry!'. This is Thailand and the two-tiering price system is even seen in Thai-Farang marriages - especially....and i hate to say it - Isarn.

Edited January 27, 2006 by stevesuphan

[thai_time]

Thanks for all the information guys. My gf is from Bangkok and not from the country. I am not sure what difference this will make to the ceremony. To complicate matters i also intend to get married in a catholic church but we might make the wedding a 2 day affair. The mind boggles really.

Thanks for all the information.

[Abandon]

There was a thread on this last week - a catholic/thai buddhist wedding .

[slimdog]

One thing to add, just in case you were unaware. Whether you have a Christian, Buddhist or both ceremonies, these are actually more blessings rather than official ceremonies, as the wedding can only become official once it has been registered at an amphur's office, and official wedding certificates are issued. As a foreigner you will need to have permission from the ministry of foreign affairs. There are plenty of threads on this subject, and what is needed.

[brunodog]

As for a 'Farang' getting married to a poor village girl. Her parents aren't give a darned to any procedures, just as long as he 'flashes an over-charged dowry!'. This is Thailand and the two-tiering price system is even seen in Thai-Farang marriages - especially....and i hate to say it - Isarn.

I know where you are coming from there, but that is a different can of worms altogether.

So it is not essential to have a Phu Yai, as I do not know any Thai males of high status?