It's Not Unreasonable To Look After The Thai In-Laws!

[Chittychangchang]

There seems to be a lot of negativity against looking after the Thai in-laws on here.

I for one think it is perfectably reasonable to help them out now and again due to the lack of social welfare in Thailand.

OAP's only get 500bhat a month from Thaksins goverment policy.

So the old rely on the young not like in the west where they are put in retirement homes and lose their assets to the goverment with inheritance tax etc.

The Thai way of doing things is more family orientated.

How would you want to spend your later years? - being cared for by your family and your assets going where they are rightfully intended.

or letting strangers care for your elderly and infirm relatives.

My Thai wife has already said on many occasions that she finds the wests way of caring for elder members of the family terrible.

With this in mind and i don't mean financing the whole village what do you think?

[pigeonjake]

hi chang,

you know my feelings on this, im with you,

it dosnt cost a fortune to take care of them, my wifes grandperents are still in good health bless them and are very good people,

when we go shoping ill often put in extra chicken/pork ect for them, they never ask,

but im not going to be sitting in my house eating great food, and know they are in there house eating whatever they can find,

i my eyes its respect for them, there a great old couple, grandpa makes me allsorts out of bamboo,if i say i need some chicken baskets, for the hens to lay in, there they are,

there a lovely old couple and im glad im in that family with them,

jake

[Chittychangchang]

hi chang,

you know my feelings on this, im with you,

it dosnt cost a fortune to take care of them, my wifes grandperents are still in good health bless them and are very good people,

when we go shoping ill often put in extra chicken/pork ect for them, they never ask,

but im not going to be sitting in my house eating great food, and know they are in there house eating whatever they can find,

i my eyes its respect for them, there a great old couple, grandpa makes me allsorts out of bamboo,if i say i need some chicken baskets, for the hens to lay in, there they are,

there a lovely old couple and im glad im in that family with them,

jake

Dead right Jake! Family is family at the end of the day, We are lucky men to have such good fortune. Edited October 13, 2012 by Chittychangchang

[KhunG]

hi chang,

you know my feelings on this, im with you,

it dosnt cost a fortune to take care of them, my wifes grandperents are still in good health bless them and are very good people,

when we go shoping ill often put in extra chicken/pork ect for them, they never ask,

but im not going to be sitting in my house eating great food, and know they are in there house eating whatever they can find,

i my eyes its respect for them, there a great old couple, grandpa makes me allsorts out of bamboo,if i say i need some chicken baskets, for the hens to lay in, there they are,

there a lovely old couple and im glad im in that family with them,

jake

Dead right Jake! Family is family at the end of the day, We are lucky men to have such good fortune.

Great posts. So far my wife's family is doing fine, but we offer occasional gifts, etc. As they become less able to care for themselves we'll certainly help out.

[macksview]

the inlaws, never ask for anything,when visiting them, we stock up on fish oil tablets,multivitamins, glucosimine tablets, australian honey and chocolate for them, one suitcase full of these sort of items for them.

the fil has a very good government pension, but his children always buy their parents little things whenever they go shopping, he himself buys my wife's maternal grandparents, rice every month and other food items, just to help them out a bit.

we never give money to the inlaws, fil, would never take it, i offered once and it was politely refused.

he has even said how embarresed he is when he sees a farang followed by the issan tribe, paying for everything.

[pigeonjake]

and before some start saying,, see giving the family money,

you will notice i said grand parents,,!!

my wifes perents are young enough to take care of themselfs, if her papa dosnt want to go to work and earn money, hes knows he wont get it from me, but the grandperents are great,

if i may just tell i lttle story from my own past,

my grandfather lived up the street from us,bless him,, now he never went into a home, my mum used to walk down the street a few doors to take him his dinner and evening meal, clean his house,

he did die there a happy man,

but that was in the days when familys used to look after each other in the uk,

nowadays people are to busy trying to make there first million, family life in my opinion has long since gone,

so back on topic,, sorry chang,, im happy to help out for the sake a few hundred bht a week,

jake

[Chittychangchang]

and before some start saying,, see giving the family money,

you will notice i said grand parents,,!!

my wifes perents are young enough to take care of themselfs, if her papa dosnt want to go to work and earn money, hes knows he wont get it from me, but the grandperents are great,

if i may just tell i lttle story from my own past,

my grandfather lived up the street from us,bless him,, now he never went into a home, my mum used to walk down the street a few doors to take him his dinner and evening meal, clean his house,

he did die there a happy man,

but that was in the days when familys used to look after each other in the uk,

nowadays people are to busy trying to make there first million, family life in my opinion has long since gone,

so back on topic,, sorry chang,, im happy to help out for the sake a few hundred bht a week,

jake

Family values is what it's all about mate! That's why the western man and the Thai women hit it off so well. They have the same outlook on life that has been lost to many a western woman and Thai men. I'm not stereo typing everyone, just pointing out that in most incidences relationships can work very well if people are of the same mindset to begin with.

[macksview]

if we all happen to go to the supermarket together, the inlaws, always have their own trolley, he always pays for his own purchases, with the rising costs of things sometimes we buy them little luxury foods, eg he loves hwok (tadpoles just with legs forming), he loves them, but wont buy them due to the expense.

he can pay his water and power bill, for 3 or 4 meals of hwok when they are for sale, for me to buy them is not a problem, for the loyalty and care they show me, it is a small price.

[CharlieH]

My wife's parents are getting on, I dont give them money, he still works part-time, and they have never asked for 1 baht, but like others have said, I take care of them more in a support role. If they need dental or health care, or spectacles etc then I'm there for them as i would be ,for my own parents (if they were still alive). I agree its about family and what's wrong with supporting and helping your family.

We also pick up a few extra's when we go to the supermarket, or take a fresh cooked fish for them. I also take them out once a week to local restaurant for good feed which they get excited about and I love that. I get as much if not more pleasure out of giving and taking care of them than they do from receiving, and its not much but it goes along way for them,

They, without asking will keep the garden nice, Dad does odd jobs that need doing he likes to keep active and just potters about place which is great. They take care of the house etc if we travel, so we dont need to worry about it. The strong sense of family unit is very comforting to know you have and can return that love and support.

I think the Thai strong sense of family and indeed community in the villages that I have witnessed is very admirable and something that has long since been lost in the West and is just another part of this land that I love so much.

Edited October 14, 2012 by CharlieH

[macksview]

and before some start saying,, see giving the family money,

you will notice i said grand parents,,!!

my wifes perents are young enough to take care of themselfs, if her papa dosnt want to go to work and earn money, hes knows he wont get it from me, but the grandperents are great,

if i may just tell i lttle story from my own past,

my grandfather lived up the street from us,bless him,, now he never went into a home, my mum used to walk down the street a few doors to take him his dinner and evening meal, clean his house,

he did die there a happy man,

but that was in the days when familys used to look after each other in the uk,

nowadays people are to busy trying to make there first million, family life in my opinion has long since gone,

so back on topic,, sorry chang,, im happy to help out for the sake a few hundred bht a week,

jake

Family values is what it's all about mate! That's why the western man and the Thai women hit it off so well. They have the same outlook on life that has been lost to many a western woman and Thai men. I'm not stereo typing everyone, just pointing out that in most incidences relationships can work very well if people are of the same mindset to begin with.

agree 100%, my wife cared for my father before he died, just doing little things all the time for him, so why would i begrudge helping out her parents in little ways.

family is so important to the wife, and i understand why, they are just such nice people and bought up 2 daughters with excellent mind sets and values.

[WilliaminBKK]

I have no issues at all with helping out & spoiling them silly.

I love my in-laws & respect them beyond - they are an extension of my parents so I am very very fortunate.

My end of life plans I know I'll be dependent on my new family - siblings nieces nephews etc & knowing the good stock they are from I have no worry's at all.

[Sharp]

There seems to be a lot of negativity against looking after the Thai in-laws on here.

I for one think it is perfectably reasonable to help them out now and again due to the lack of social welfare in Thailand.

OAP's only get 500bhat a month from Thaksins goverment policy.

So the old rely on the young not like in the west where they are put in retirement homes and lose their assets to the goverment with inheritance tax etc.

The Thai way of doing things is more family orientated.

How would you want to spend your later years? - being cared for by your family and your assets going where they are rightfully intended.

or letting strangers care for your elderly and infirm relatives.

My Thai wife has already said on many occasions that she finds the wests way of caring for elder members of the family terrible.

With this in mind and i don't mean financing the whole village what do you think?

For me I agreed to send 10,000 baht per month to her parents nearly 10 years ago and has never stopped and they have never asked for more so personally I'm ok with our arrangement.

When I go there everything is free I'm not asked for anything nor feel they should .its just my agreement if you will and I am more that happy with it .

But her mom does loan out small amounts of money and makes a small livin on top out of this so as the missis said its enough darling ...bless...

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa app

[robblok]

I don't give them money. Not my job if there are really problems i help out. Other then that they can manage themselves. If there are problems i would help but there is a difference between helping out and paying them off so your wife stays with you.

I am pretty sure most guys know what i am talking about, giving their wives salaries, paying off the parents ect else there is no reason for the wife to stay with the guy. Wives competing with each other.. this farang gives so much that farang this much you should leave yours find one that pays ect ect.

We are talking here different situations, and like i said before most guys know if they are paying to keep their wife or that they are helping out.

Give me an independent wife all the time one that makes her own money and pays her own way. Can think for herself at least then money comes not or less in the equation.

[carmine]

i see nothing wrong with helping out the in laws. Its the way here and people should do their homework with regards thais ways before becoming involved with a thai girl and her family. Its not as if you wouldn't help your wifes family back in farangland if help was needed.

That said, you have to know when to reasonably draw the line and it would also be a reasonable assumption that if you are an out of shape, past his best looks dude , thirty or forty years older than your fit as a butchers dog missus hubby then the plan might be to milk you for all its worth.

So in summary, its not a lot different to life outside of Thailand

Edited October 14, 2012 by carmine

[pigeonjake]

rob, you say the same thing everytime one of these gets opend,

the thing is this isnt about giving your wife money,

we all know now you dont give your wife money, good for you i hope it makes you feel good and you sleep well at nite,

i dont either,

but this thred isnt about that, so please lets not get it into my wife is better then your wife thred,

it was about helping out family,

not giving thousands of bht,

its more about just giving a little just to help them a little, now im not a christian, but i wouldnt see anyone strugling,

i love it when i take grandpa and granma something,, they smile and tell my wife, tell jak no,, no more,

there good people

[geriatrickid]

Charity is a personal choice and it is not my place to comment on personal decisions. However, it does beg the question as to whether the men that contribute to their spouse's family upkeep, also contribute or contributed to their own families. I find it odd that sometimes men that take up with foreign spouses forget about their own families.( I am certainly not saying that is the case with OP. )

In respect to the comment about "the old rely on the young not like in the west where they are put in retirement homes and lose their assets to the goverment with inheritance tax etc" is one heck of a generalization. Retirement homes with the exception of the Scandanavian countries are usually bare bone places. The typical assisted living establishment charges some hefty fees and the presence of family to oversee the delivery of care is always a necessity. I wonder how many of the generous folks liberally handing out money to their Thai families appreciate this. Now that these people have discovered the joys of extended family life, did they share that much interest with their own parents or even kids they may have left behind in the west?

In fairness, I expect that many of the people who are generous with the inlaws, are generous to start with, and may have wonderful inlaws. They perhaps learnt such values from their own family experiences. Unfortunately, there are also alot of people like Mr. X who used to rent a place in our building. I'll never forget the time his son showed up to confront his father to ask him why he had abandoned his mum and the kids to take up with his new lady friend. The new lady in this case was not even the original one, and I think she was the third or fourth woman, but she had a nice car and lots of gadgets. Bit of trashy tramp too.

In respect to estate taxes, it is a bit of a myth to claim that there is a loss of assets. Many countries no longer have inheritance taxes (e,g, Canada) while others allow for planned disbursements through trust funds and estate planning (e.g. USA, France). Even in one of the worst tax jurisdictions, the threshold is £325,000 for a single. Married couples and registered civil partners can effectively increase the threshold on their estate when the second partner dies - to as much as £650,000. The tax is payable on the excess. Keep in mind that inheritance taxes are meant to address the tax deferrals and allowances granted while the person was living.

[Songhua]

The Thai husbands of my wife's sisters never gave the parents in law anything (when they were alive) so nor did I.

I'd help out cleaning up the yard, painting the house or running them into town, or might now & then give them a thousand to go to the markets/shopping or whatever.

I've always felt a little sorry for my niece though (she's still an in-law, right?). She has had to grow up seeing her 'rich' (lol) same-age luk kreung cousins turn up once a year with the latest model mobile phone in hand and the trendiest of clothes on while she had virtually nothing and probably even less to look forward to. We are currently putting her through uni .... and we feel good about it.

[robblok]

rob, you say the same thing everytime one of these gets opend,

the thing is this isnt about giving your wife money,

we all know now you dont give your wife money, good for you i hope it makes you feel good and you sleep well at nite,

i dont either,

but this thred isnt about that, so please lets not get it into my wife is better then your wife thred,

it was about helping out family,

not giving thousands of bht,

its more about just giving a little just to help them a little, now im not a christian, but i wouldnt see anyone strugling,

i love it when i take grandpa and granma something,, they smile and tell my wife, tell jak no,, no more,

there good people

Jake are you saying i can post my view, your saying the same thing over and over again too. Why would my view be any less valid as yours.

I never said my wive is better as yours, that is what you make of it. If your so sure about yourself then stop donating money for half a year and see how that goes. If that is possible then its charity, if it all goes sour its a payment of wive to stay with you.

Charity is something where you don't expect anything back. Now if they stop being nice to you its not charity because you get stuff back for it.

But i told you many times, what kind of relations i'm talking about but you don't seem to get it.

[pigeonjake]

i dont give to my wifes perents, they are capable of earning there own money, and like i said in the post at the start if he my wifes papa dosnt want to earn money then he wont get it from me,

but i dont mind bringing a few bits for my wifes grandperents on her mamas side,

they are wonderful people both in there late 70s, grandma still goes out fishing with her freinds and papa takes himself of in the woods setting traps ect,

they dont need me,, its MY choice to get them the odd bit of chicken or pork, give them things out my green house, take them eggs from our chickens,or ducks,

same as what i did when my grandperents were alive in england,

and yes i still take care of my children in england, ill be fishing with my son for a week end of oct,

jake

[pigeonjake]

rob if you read my post i dont give money,,

were did i say i give money??

i said i get the GRANDPERENTS the odd things when im out shoping,

our pig farm is succesfull, they dont need me at all,

ive had enough of explaining myself on here

ill have to ask permition next to go for a <deleted>

[daftpunker]

you guys make me sick.Your the kinda guys who make it hard for the rest of us.Stop giving money like this and then thais would not expect.I for one do not giv my inlaws any money i suggest you do the same.

[pigeonjake]

well if i make you sick,, fell free to take your self off and be sick,

you maybe havnt got the money to help

[robblok]

I am talking about the guys who got girls way out of their league and have to bribe them to stay with them. Have to pay of the in laws with things like sin sods ect. Paying a maintenance fee to the in laws and then when they are bled dry get kicked out of the house they financed.

Just look at the German guy who is now looking for his runaway bride.

Guys getting killed because the wife thinks they want the money but not the guy, numerous threads show this happen.

Those guys, guys paying of and paying and paying and justifying it by reading threads like this thinking they are safe and then the axe falls.

Not talking about the sensible guys, i worded my post real careful but obviously i have to be blunt so people don't get offended or understand what i am talking about.

Guys who are constantly splashing out on the in laws to gain a bit of acceptance while they only accept the wallet of the guy.

Clear now.

Like i said im pretty sure most know what kind they are.

[daftpunker]

well if i make you sick,, fell free to take your self off and be sick,

you maybe havnt got the money to help

i have got the money but as i said why should i give it.What a stupid comment you have made.stop giving your gf inlaws money and see what happens then.

[robblok]

you guys make me sick.Your the kinda guys who make it hard for the rest of us.Stop giving money like this and then thais would not expect.I for one do not giv my inlaws any money i suggest you do the same.

Easy when your gf says but my friends get x from their farang bf. Just say find an other guy if its all about money. Its not that hard.

Though some idiots do raise the bar with their idiot actions but if you let yourself get dragged into it your not much smarter yourself.

[macksview]

seen a few of the exbargirl farang wives in the local area, play the "look what i have games with each other" trying to outdo each other at mainly the farang's expense, it is both a pathetic and revolting game.

there is a difference between, respecting and loving your inlaws and being taken for a ride by money/asset hungry leeches.

thai wives, in thai/thai relationships can also be guilty of the "look at what i have games".

[robblok]

seen a few of the exbargirl farang wives in the local area, play the "look what i have games with each other" trying to outdo each other at mainly the farang's expense, it is both a pathetic and revolting game.

there is a difference between, respecting and loving your inlaws and being taken for a ride by money/asset hungry leeches.

thai wives, in thai/thai relationships can also be guilty of the "look at what i have games".

100% agree.

Good thing that even in the West i did not feel that i needed to keep up with the Joneses. I don't feel it here either. Everyone who does that is caught in their own trap.

[Pormax]

I am with the OP. I am in a fortunate position financially where I can help my wife's parents. Though they have three sons and 4 daughters the whole family are, even to Thai standards relatively poor, being rice farmers. Most of them have loans and with the exception of the occassional meal do not help their parents. We have invited them to eat with us but they insist in cooking their own rice and bring to the house. My wife and I give them 3,000B a month which they are delighted with. They help us in their own way with Papa making things for the house and garden (he is 75) and Mama helps with the cooking. I don't give my wife a monthly allowance, but she gets what she wants (most of the time) and always asks before spending money. My wife helps me to make money so in a way by helping her parents and buying the occassional piece of clothing for her neices and nephews I am thanking her for the contribution.

Before we came to live here nobody celebrated their birthdays, in fact most of them did not know their date of birth. Now we buy presents for the family on their birthdays and host a family paty for the New Year. Some things in England we take for granted do not happen here.

Non of the family asks for money, they know better because that was explained before we got married. if we want to help we will but please do not ask. My wife's sisters and brothers borrow money from my wife and pay her interest every month. The interest charged to direct family is a lot lower than say for a cousin or for what they can borrow elsewhere, so we help out that way but there is no charity.

I think as long as you set the rules early then there is no problems. When we go to the town market (25kms away) on Sundays the adults all give 40B towards the cost of running my pick-up. We never asked but they give.

Even with what little we give the parents their lives have increased for the better by a considerably amount.

Good to see so many positive replies from the OP.

[daftpunker]

I am with the OP. I am in a fortunate position financially where I can help my wife's parents. Though they have three sons and 4 daughters the whole family are, even to Thai standards relatively poor, being rice farmers. Most of them have loans and with the exception of the occassional meal do not help their parents. We have invited them to eat with us but they insist in cooking their own rice and bring to the house. My wife and I give them 3,000B a month which they are delighted with. They help us in their own way with Papa making things for the house and garden (he is 75) and Mama helps with the cooking. I don't give my wife a monthly allowance, but she gets what she wants (most of the time) and always asks before spending money. My wife helps me to make money so in a way by helping her parents and buying the occassional piece of clothing for her neices and nephews I am thanking her for the contribution.

Before we came to live here nobody celebrated their birthdays, in fact most of them did not know their date of birth. Now we buy presents for the family on their birthdays and host a family paty for the New Year. Some things in England we take for granted do not happen here.

Non of the family asks for money, they know better because that was explained before we got married. if we want to help we will but please do not ask. My wife's sisters and brothers borrow money from my wife and pay her interest every month. The interest charged to direct family is a lot lower than say for a cousin or for what they can borrow elsewhere, so we help out that way but there is no charity.

I think as long as you set the rules early then there is no problems. When we go to the town market (25kms away) on Sundays the adults all give 40B towards the cost of running my pick-up. We never asked but they give.

Even with what little we give the parents their lives have increased for the better by a considerably amount.

Good to see so many positive replies from the OP.

So what makes you think people who dont want to giv money are not in position financially to do/Thats mpt the point it is you nitwit.

[farang000999]

How much older are you guys than your inlaws? Do you wai them or do they wai you? How does that work?