It's Not Unreasonable To Look After The Thai In-Laws!

[payak]

the thailand with its amazing respect and honour for there elderly leave them with 500bht to starve, so perhaps certain peoples wives should not judge the west so quickly.

Here we go again, and here i go again.

In Thailand nobody is short of food, in the worst situation any Temple will feed you and give you someplace to sleep (foreigner or Thai).

I agree with you, I'm just pointing out that there family unit is no stronger as many will try to have us believe.

I know many who dont live with there children, but really could if they made the effort, how strong is the unit, depends on if your male or female to right, we dont do that.

[payak]

and they may not be short of food, but they do need help from there children, cant all just pack up and head to the watt.

so here you go again all night long but you talking bs.

[poanoi]

Children are not only expected, but bound by Thai law to help their parents if they can't cope. It's in the Civil Code, I've posted it on TV before, but have trouble finding it with my tab.

Yes, a good friend of mine send 2000 baht a month to mom&pop.But she decided years ago to never again go back there,after every frickin one including the buffalo was sick in some way or another & needed extra cash.Come to think of it another friend said the exact same thing, both are thai females 35-40

[payak]

to say an old woman has food, does not need help, can just go to the watt is bs, the watts would became old age homes.

without employment how much do you think she can provide for herself.

here you go again, who cares if you go again, like once you have said something its law and we cant speak for fear you may step up and say hear you go again.

egotistical man seriously

[shaggy1969]

the thailand with its amazing respect and honour for there elderly leave them with 500bht to starve, so perhaps certain peoples wives should not judge the west so quickly.

Here we go again, and here i go again.

In Thailand nobody is short of food, in the worst situation any Temple will feed you and give you someplace to sleep (foreigner or Thai).

Unbelievable post,I had to read it twice to make sure that I hadn't misread it.Are you saying that it's OK for the old folk to go begging at the local temple for food and and a place to sleep?Would you like your parents or grand parents to be in the same situation?

[pigeonjake]

well if i make you sick,, fell free to take your self off and be sick,

you maybe havnt got the money to help

This coming from a guy, who frequently brags about making 20k a day in his posts here and at the same time only gives his MIL 10% from the as frequenly mentioned pigfarm. And feels good about himself by giving the grandparents an egg or two, and on a good day even a tomato from the greenhouse!

This is charity for the benefit of the giver only, not very much thought for the reciever.

And all be BS about the importance of the family-unit in Thailand. The only thing of importance in this country is mammon, to that extent that parents are pimping their kids and killing familymembers over money. But keep up the good deeds guys by donating peanuts to your older inlaws, who knows it might buy you salvation in the end? Hope for your sake, that the bubble doesn't burst, so you will be asking for good lawyers here in a couple of years.

Btw. This poster is happily married to a Thai lady for many years, mentioned just to prevent replies about my "bitterness"

getting back to this post for a moment,

ive never braged about earning 20k a day,

someone pointed out to me again on here, as one poster has again on this thred that im not good at spelling or grammer,

im disleksik, i cant help that,

and what i did say was if you read back, that even though i cant spell and my grammer isnt good, it dosnt stop me earing 20k a day,

that what i said,

some on here try and make me look daft because on my disleksia,

up to them, if that makes them feel superior, good on them,

thats all it was i wasnt braging,

just stating that sometimes being a good speller and being good at grammer dosnt count for everything in this life.

jake

[Rob8891]

well if i make you sick,, fell free to take your self off and be sick,

you maybe havnt got the money to help

This coming from a guy, who frequently brags about making 20k a day in his posts here and at the same time only gives his MIL 10% from the as frequenly mentioned pigfarm. And feels good about himself by giving the grandparents an egg or two, and on a good day even a tomato from the greenhouse!

This is charity for the benefit of the giver only, not very much thought for the reciever.

And all be BS about the importance of the family-unit in Thailand. The only thing of importance in this country is mammon, to that extent that parents are pimping their kids and killing familymembers over money. But keep up the good deeds guys by donating peanuts to your older inlaws, who knows it might buy you salvation in the end? Hope for your sake, that the bubble doesn't burst, so you will be asking for good lawyers here in a couple of years.

Btw. This poster is happily married to a Thai lady for many years, mentioned just to prevent replies about my "bitterness"

getting back to this post for a moment,

ive never braged about earning 20k a day,

someone pointed out to me again on here, as one poster has again on this thred that im not good at spelling or grammer,

im disleksik, i cant help that,

and what i did say was if you read back, that even though i cant spell and my grammer isnt good, it dosnt stop me earing 20k a day,

that what i said,

some on here try and make me look daft because on my disleksia,

up to them, if that makes them feel superior, good on them,

thats all it was i wasnt braging,

just stating that sometimes being a good speller and being good at grammer dosnt count for everything in this life.

jake

Jake mate, I'll say the same as you said last night.... you're wasting your time. This thread, which started out as a feel-good thread, has been hijacked by a few bitter individuals. The mods were in once, but it's gone back to the sewer again. Give it up and do something happy with your time.

[pigeonjake]

i wouldnt know if you spelt it right or wrong,

yes 20k a day

a lot of the oil and gas lads will be on the same if not more,

[roamer]

Moved back to UK with my wife and my stepdaughter when she was 8 years old.

Now she is 17, in college, studying hard with a weekend job. Last week she gave me £100, @5000 Bht, her first earnings, and asked if I could send it back to Grandma & Grandad.

No one asked her, we certainly never expected it, they would never spend it, but wow are they proud of her.

Having said that, I have no problems believing that there are those to whom I wouldn't want to give a brass farthing to. My in-laws don't fit that category.

[NeverSure]

well if i make you sick,, fell free to take your self off and be sick,

you maybe havnt got the money to help

This coming from a guy, who frequently brags about making 20k a day in his posts here and at the same time only gives his MIL 10% from the as frequenly mentioned pigfarm. And feels good about himself by giving the grandparents an egg or two, and on a good day even a tomato from the greenhouse!

This is charity for the benefit of the giver only, not very much thought for the reciever.

And all be BS about the importance of the family-unit in Thailand. The only thing of importance in this country is mammon, to that extent that parents are pimping their kids and killing familymembers over money. But keep up the good deeds guys by donating peanuts to your older inlaws, who knows it might buy you salvation in the end? Hope for your sake, that the bubble doesn't burst, so you will be asking for good lawyers here in a couple of years.

Btw. This poster is happily married to a Thai lady for many years, mentioned just to prevent replies about my "bitterness"

getting back to this post for a moment,

ive never braged about earning 20k a day,

someone pointed out to me again on here, as one poster has again on this thred that im not good at spelling or grammer,

im disleksik, i cant help that,

and what i did say was if you read back, that even though i cant spell and my grammer isnt good, it dosnt stop me earing 20k a day,

that what i said,

some on here try and make me look daft because on my disleksia,

up to them, if that makes them feel superior, good on them,

thats all it was i wasnt braging,

just stating that sometimes being a good speller and being good at grammer dosnt count for everything in this life.

jake

Hang in there Jake. Some of the smartest people I've known are dilexie...er...dis er.... It isn't tied to intelligence, and certainly not to wisdom. There's also a huge difference between IQ and wisdom, and some of the former have none of the latter.

But again, some of the people with the highest and brightest minds are/were dislectm, er, whatever.

Here is a long, long list of famous and bright people with dyslexia: http://www.dyslexia.com/famous.htm

I'm enjoying your posts, so just keep on keepin' on.

Edited October 15, 2012 by NeverSure

[rsokolowski]

its more towards the east, down a little from surin, issan,

its beautiful theres lots of national forrests not far from us, with wild elephants,,lol,

and if we go towards chantaburi theres beaches there, but they arnt falang typ beaches theres no bars ect, just the beach a couple of food seller stalls that hire mats ect, real nice place, the beach and water very very clean, there are a couple of resorts poped up over the last few years, that are 500bht a nite bungalow typ places, weve stayed there the odd time,

but its just as easy for us to drive home its only just over the hour from our place,

i cant remember the name of the beach we go to, i just drive there dont look at the signs now, theres a free aquerium place on the other side of the road from the beach, very nice to look round, theres showers there when youve finnished on the beach, 5 bht

like i say its a very nice place, i just hope it stays that way and dosnt get built up,

jake

I went to Chantaburi and visited the beaches there the last time I was there. Jake you need to delete your last post and tell everyone that you meet or talk to online that Chantaburi beaches suck. In fact I would recommend that you start a post telling everyone how bad that area of Thailand is. If you don't it will be your fault when those beaches become the next Patong or Pattaya.

There is a bumper sticker here in Hawaii that says "Surfing sucks...don't try it!" a humous way of trying to cut down on the crowding at surf spots.

[rsokolowski]

jake u would not last one minute in japan theres no issan women

Did you ever think that that is the reason he is in Isaan. I have been to Japan many times, it is not somewhere I would like to retire to. I will be retiring to Isaan.

with your young issan wife?

Yes, with my young Isaan wife ( who is now 45 years old). We have been married for 20 years and she has lived in the USA (Hawaii and Maryland).

[JUDAS]

Moved back to UK with my wife and my stepdaughter when she was 8 years old.

Now she is 17, in college, studying hard with a weekend job. Last week she gave me £100, @5000 Bht, her first earnings, and asked if I could send it back to Grandma & Grandad.

No one asked her, we certainly never expected it, they would never spend it, but wow are they proud of her.

Having said that, I have no problems believing that there are those to whom I wouldn't want to give a brass farthing to. My in-laws don't fit that category.

Now that's family. I'm sure you and you wife are also extremely proud of the young lady you have both raised. Your story is about so much more than money, some of us here will understand that clearly whilst others will miss the point totally. I'm sure what your daughter has done means so much more to her grandparents than the monetary value alone.

[rsokolowski]

If you enjoy being a walking atm up to you.

My thai in-laws are the Grand parents of our son. They are related to me by marriage. Look it does not matter one bit to me that someone does not want to help out their Thai in-laws, every situation is different. If you feel that you are a walking ATM them you probably should not be contributing anything. If you are too stupid to recognize that you are being used only because you have money then you will probably end up as one of the sad stories that are so common on the expat websites. Use your head, be smart and look at what is going on around you (it is called situational awareness). If you dismiss the warning signs that are likkely all around you it is more likely that you will become a victim.

Wish you the best.

[robblok]

@jake,

Yes i told you that about your spelling and grammar. But it was mostly pointed at your reading as you seem to read things into posts of mine that are not there.

You were saying i don't care and would not help my outlaws, i never said that all the time i have been saying that there is a fine line between helping and getting taken for a ride. I never pointed a finger at anyone in this tread being taken for a ride. I have pointed out some examples of guys being taken for a ride and never did i aim my comments at you. You are not sending large amounts of money to your in laws you are not supporting half a family. You are just helping out a bit in a way that is appropriate.

Then you accused me of having it in for fat people, because of a thread in the i am to fat forum. Bild (a user) posted there and he said in that thread i did not attack him or any other fat people. I was merely stating it was a lifestyle choice. That was something you also read wrong.

You attacked me for that .. i got angry and retaliated. Simple.

Below not aimed at Jake (just to be clear here)

My points are clear here, the family survived without me before. Me arriving here does not mean they won the lottery and have an walking ATM. If they really need help and there is an emergency i will help (and have in the past). I am just not sending money every month, i also don't fall for bullshit stories from them with crazy plans to make money that wont work. Loans, i don't hand them out the gf did at start but had too much problems getting it paid back.

They live in a normal home and have enough food, so there is no need for help. If they were piss poor and living in a shack with a leaking roof. Fixing that up a bit would be something i would do. Those kinds of things are not being taken for a ride, building a complete new home for them is.

Sending money, maybe if other siblings do that, then i would too similar amount. If the wife always send 3000, why send then 10.000. Wives often fall for peer pressure or are set up to extract money to gain face. This is not happening everywhere but a lot. There are plenty of good ones but bad ones too. It pays to be careful.

Plenty of guys buy houses cars and get eviced when the money runs out, so if you build a relation based on money. Don't be supprised if they rather have that money and dump you.

Jake this is not meant at you personally (first part was later i went back into generalities) I just want to be extra clear here because i don't like it when you think i attacked you.

In all relations is never black or white its grey, and deep down inside everyone knows if money is a large reason for their gf to be with them or not. I can't say that for others.

Edited October 16, 2012 by robblok

[rsokolowski]

jake u would not last one minute in japan theres no issan women

Did you ever think that that is the reason he is in Isaan. I have been to Japan many times, it is not somewhere I would like to retire to. I will be retiring to Isaan.

@daftpunker

Idiotic post. 1. If you read what Jake has said, he does not live in Isaan. Learn some geography. 2. You feel somehow superior by going to Japan? I doubt that you'll be any more positive or sensible. Wherever you go, you won't get away from yourself: your negativity will always be with you. Never mind: Japan's loss will be Thailand's gain.

He is just south of Isaan, and I will take the hit on the geography. It was not meant to imply that I was somehow superior, it was meant to say that I have been all over Japan and it is not somewhere that I would choose to retire (neither is the USA, or Scotland, or Canada). All of these places are wonderful, just not for me.

[GuestHouse]

How did Isaan get into this topic?

Surely not of any relevance ?!

[rsokolowski]

There seems to be a lot of negativity against looking after the Thai in-laws on here.

I for one think it is perfectably reasonable to help them out now and again due to the lack of social welfare in Thailand.

OAP's only get 500bhat a month from Thaksins goverment policy.

So the old rely on the young not like in the west where they are put in retirement homes and lose their assets to the goverment with inheritance tax etc.

The Thai way of doing things is more family orientated.

How would you want to spend your later years? - being cared for by your family and your assets going where they are rightfully intended.

or letting strangers care for your elderly and infirm relatives.

My Thai wife has already said on many occasions that she finds the wests way of caring for elder members of the family terrible.

With this in mind and i don't mean financing the whole village what do you think?

When I got married, I paid 100k sinsod which was going to be given back to me. It wasn't so I decided then that as they cheated me, I'd not give them a monthly "allowance". They asked for money for fishfarms and other business ventures. Everytime, I'd say sure, I'll give you 30,000 after you write out the repayment plan and show me your 1 year projected profit and other business plans. Well, guess what, they never did. Of course, we are family and we have helped out in emergencies - just last year we got the father-in-law out of jail for killing someone(his brother) whilst driving drunk. Cost me more than money - one of my get-out-of-jail-free cards.

If my brother and sister-in-law contribute to their parents, then I will too. If they don't, then guess what? So, I feel myself lucky that they ripped me off at the start. If I had agreed to pay them a monthly "wage" 12 years ago then I'd be most probably pissed off now and posting about it on internet forums to get "likes" by other mugs to make me feel that I wasn't a mug.

Like most FILs of foreigners here, mine is an alcoholic which is one reason my wife was attracted to me, but that's another story. I see many many co-dependant relationships here. I see many many people-pleasing "farang" giving ridiculous amounts of cash to their inlaws. One guy was telling me recently how his wife's uncle in Nakhon Nowhere was so kind and helpful looking after his wife's kids. All he gives is 1o,000 baht a month plus clothes etc for the kids! He seemed confused when I told him the cost of raising kids in an Isaan village and said , " but Jimmy in the same village gives 12,000 baht to the parents and my wife would lose face if I didn't give that much". Who gives a flying **** if his wife loses face - she used to be a Pattaya BG, how much more face can she actually lose? The truth is that she's ripping off her own husband and up here there's a lot of embarrassment for these girls if they don't manage to milk the foreigner. He doesn't even understand why his wife doesn't want him to learn Thai!!!!!!!!! My wife's not from Isarn but even from her part of the country it's similar.

The Thai way of doing things is for the family to help out but do you think this is really good? Why do you think government hospitals are so bad? They family goes in there, camps out and basically takes care of their family member who is the patient. The nurses now realise that they don't have to look after the patient.

Wouldn't it be better for the Thais to start a revolution against the poor welfare payments for the elderly in order to get more or to say, never mind, we are Thai and we look after our old? When I am old, however, it would be nice if my kids looked after me a bit but I'm going to make sure that if they don't I'll be ok.

My wife used to say the same about Western ways of looking after the old when she first went to Scotland and met my grandmother in sheltered housing, not even in the same city as her kids. However, now seeing her in a nursing home, she says it's wonderful the way she is looked after, being with other codgers, getting her daily dram, having singing parties etc. She's 99 and my parents or I don't have to pay a penny to help.

Helping out family is fine but make sure you're not being taken as a mug.

I agree with your post except when you say "Wouldn't it be better for the Thais to start a revolution against the poor welfare payments for the elderly in order to get more or to say, never mind, we are Thai and we look after our old?"

Higher taxes on the people of Thailand is not the answer, in my opinion (others will differ).

If I were you I would have done the same thing that you did, but that was not my experience. Every situation is different, and everyone must judge their situation as it is.

[payak]

How did Isaan get into this topic?

Surely not of any relevance ?!

because isaan girls are evil,

my wifes an uneducated accountant working for siam commercial, her useless brothers are a former lawyer turned monk and author and the other an engineer, her sister who many would probably assume is a bargirl because she is from evil isaan works all over the world in her marketing job.

education paid by there hard working dad who is a chef, there they are typical isaan trash.

lawyer(monk & author now) engineer, marketing manager,accountant, and not a touch of hi so chinese blood.

Edited October 16, 2012 by payak

[payak]

my wife has dark skin and a flat isan nose, bad girl.

[robblok]

How did Isaan get into this topic?

Surely not of any relevance ?!

because isaan girls are evil,

my wifes an uneducated accountanted working for siam commercial, her useless brothers are a former lawyer turned monk and author and the other an engineer, her sister who many would probably assume is a bargirl because she is from evil isaan works all over the world in her marketing job.

education paid by there hard working dad who is a chef, there they are typical isaan trash.

lawyer(monk & author now) engineer, marketing manager,accountant, and not a touch of hi so chinese blood.

Yes Isarn are evil everyone knows that. (sarcasm)

Its just that its one of the poorer parts and many bar girls are from isarn so they are better at the art of fleecing foreigners. Does not mean however that all Isarn girls are like that. Some people seem to think so.

I don't have an isarn wife, never had did get ripped off by a girl long ago and she was not from there either. So its no guarantee.

[payak]

How did Isaan get into this topic?

Surely not of any relevance ?!

because isaan girls are evil,

my wifes an uneducated accountanted working for siam commercial, her useless brothers are a former lawyer turned monk and author and the other an engineer, her sister who many would probably assume is a bargirl because she is from evil isaan works all over the world in her marketing job.

education paid by there hard working dad who is a chef, there they are typical isaan trash.

lawyer(monk & author now) engineer, marketing manager,accountant, and not a touch of hi so chinese blood.

Yes Isarn are evil everyone knows that. (sarcasm)

Its just that its one of the poorer parts and many bar girls are from isarn so they are better at the art of fleecing foreigners. Does not mean however that all Isarn girls are like that. Some people seem to think so.

I don't have an isarn wife, never had did get ripped off by a girl long ago and she was not from there either. So its no guarantee.

oh there is a problem, just walk around a village, 100 farang houseswithout a farang in sight

[macksview]

How did Isaan get into this topic?

Surely not of any relevance ?!

because isaan girls are evil,

my wifes an uneducated accountant working for siam commercial, her useless brothers are a former lawyer turned monk and author and the other an engineer, her sister who many would probably assume is a bargirl because she is from evil isaan works all over the world in her marketing job.

education paid by there hard working dad who is a chef, there they are typical isaan trash.

lawyer(monk & author now) engineer, marketing manager,accountant, and not a touch of hi so chinese blood.

stop ruining the stereotype of the issan family, full of bargirls,drunks,useless brothers,scamming ex phuket/bkk sex tourists, its a disgrace your doing this.

your forcing me, to teach the father in law to start drinking,not maintaining his house and other assets, get the mother in law to start complaining about everything and asking her daughter to get the farang to buy her things, get the wife to get a tattoo (hopefully on the neck) and then have it laser removed, get her to start smoking and drinking booze.

me, to fit into my non-stereotypical family, i will walk around the village/suburb drunk without my shirt on, i will forget all thai and lao i have fought had to learn, and just talk louder in bargirl/monger thaiglish, i will forget all thai custom and civility i have learnt.

your setting the standard to high, better off we step down than up.

[daftpunker]

How did Isaan get into this topic?

Surely not of any relevance ?!

because isaan girls are evil,

my wifes an uneducated accountant working for siam commercial, her useless brothers are a former lawyer turned monk and author and the other an engineer, her sister who many would probably assume is a bargirl because she is from evil isaan works all over the world in her marketing job.

education paid by there hard working dad who is a chef, there they are typical isaan trash.

lawyer(monk & author now) engineer, marketing manager,accountant, and not a touch of hi so chinese blood.

stop ruining the stereotype of the issan family, full of bargirls,drunks,useless brothers,scamming ex phuket/bkk sex tourists, its a disgrace your doing this.

your forcing me, to teach the father in law to start drinking,not maintaining his house and other assets, get the mother in law to start complaining about everything and asking her daughter to get the farang to buy her things, get the wife to get a tattoo (hopefully on the neck) and then have it laser removed, get her to start smoking and drinking booze.

me, to fit into my non-stereotypical family, i will walk around the village/suburb drunk without my shirt on, i will forget all thai and lao i have fought had to learn, and just talk louder in bargirl/monger thaiglish, i will forget all thai custom and civility i have learnt.

your setting the standard to high, better off we step down than up.

hes got a point though issan people are in genral trash and drink too much and most bargirls come from there.Why anyone would want to defend them is beyond me.Oh hang on i know why everyiones wife is from there.Get a grip like steven tyler boys.

[krisb]

Its definately ok to help out the inlaws. The only people I think dont see its ok is those who wouldnt help anybody anyway or have been stung before.

Yes theres the guys who have found bad apples who have basically robbed them with fake love, but this happens worldwide. So Im lucky so far I havnt had this happen- so far so good.

I can tell you that when my parents and the inlaws get to the end of the day, I wont be leaving them in the nursing home to pass away, it will be at home with their family who love them.

So chitty chang chang, you have a good heart I feel and its certainly a good deed you are doing. In alot of ways its part of having a Thai partner.

Family is the most precious gift of life.

[ding]

I'm honored to help my wife's mom and family. Did take a minute of time to warm to the idea, but I'm all in now.

[macksview]

never would i defend, people who take the easy way out, up to others what they define that as, i support those who have gained what they have in life from hard work, good planning and common sense.

tourist areas in thailand do attract, some of the poorest, most dishonest,desperate,people in thai society, but of course that is to be expected,quick and easy money is always a draw for those with limited life options.

Edited October 16, 2012 by macksview

[JUDAS]

daftpunker. The only person you are belittling here is yourself.

[daftpunker]

daftpunker. The only person you are belittling here is yourself.

thank judas

[krisb]

daftpunker. The only person you are belittling here is yourself.

thank judas

Seems Im not alone daftpunker.