How Does Your Thai Girlfriend Adapt Once In The Usa

[bonviveur]

Hi All

I am seriousely considering bringing my Thai girlfriend to the USA (New York) on a K1 visa my question is once she is in the US what kind of job she would mostlikely find (no university degree), how should I prepare for her coming, how do I prepare her for life in the US, should I send her to school and for what, what are the problem would we mostlikely face, any advantages of bringing her instead of moving to Thailand to be with her?

What have your experience have been good or bad from getting the visa to life in the US? did you get a lawer in Thailand or the US to help with the procedures?

I would really like to hear the experiences of people who have brought their TGF here in the US and marry her.

Thank you .

Bonviveur

[Padkapow Guy]

Just a suggestion, but I would send her to school right away. This will help her find a decent job to keep her busy. Now before members start flaming about my next remark remember this is just my own personal experience and I am not saying it is this way for everyone or it is thai women only.

I would try to distance her from other thai's in your area. I would say that 98% of the thai's in the area I live in are "super jealous" of what the other one has and this creates alot of back stabbing amongst them. (my wife also got caught up doing this )My wife and I went thru years of this and it started to effect our marriage. Now we rarely visit the other thai's and concentrate on our own family and life is great. We are nice when ever we run accross any of them when we are out but we always have an excuse ready incase they want to get together.

Maybe if you find her one or two thai friends it might be ok but when there gets to be a group of thai women hanging around together thats when the claws come out.

It has been the same in all 3 different places that we lived in over the last 19 years. I am 100% happy with my wife, the only problems we had were with her friends trying to get her to do things she did not want to do.

PKG

[BKK90210]

Hi All

I am seriousely considering bringing my Thai girlfriend to the USA (New York) on a K1 visa my question is once she is in the US what kind of job she would mostlikely find (no university degree), how should I prepare for her coming, how do I prepare her for life in the US, should I send her to school and for what, what are the problem would we mostlikely face, any advantages of bringing her instead of moving to Thailand to be with her?

What have your experience have been good or bad from getting the visa to life in the US? did you get a lawer in Thailand or the US to help with the procedures?

I would really like to hear the experiences of people who have brought their TGF here in the US and marry her.

Thank you .

Bonviveur

Without the university degree is ok if she has some other specialized skill is would be better than the degree. Too many american here are already have some university degree - she can't complete with them anyway.

The first and formost thing she should be doing is to get/have a good command in english, because without it she's more likely to be working in low-paid service industries....competing with too many immigrants who're there already. In term of friend, it's ok to have thai friends as many as posiible but only at the beginning for the benefits of emotional support and jobs net working.

Later on she must only keep a few good one and eliminate the rest. The reasons for this are below

1) Her english will never improved for a good job market opportunites if she doesn't speak well enough. She needs to get a grip of a correct english....not a broken english from the thai friends.

2) As someone said above - too many thai....too many comparison....jalously....gossip...getting in trouble unnecessary later on

First thing is to send her to school to study enlgish, both speaking and writing, as soon as possible. Forget about her studying english in some school in Thailand. It's rarely worked anyway. Then at home - give her an english crash-course time - it means for you to try to speak english to her all the time, even if she doesn't understand it all, she'll later on - 6 months will just do it. Also tell her that she has to be inderpendent on her on as soon as possible, like going to the supermarket or getting her first driving lesson. Without a good command in english and a driver license, the job opportunity is almost none existance for a decent pay.

Hope this would be some help

BKK

Edited February 3, 2006 by BKK90210

[bonviveur]

Thank you very much guys that is what I figure regarding too many Thai friends, looks like her english is going to be the great facter of finding a decent job so she does not have to compete with other immigrants.

I am making a few more trips before I take the decision to bring her over.

Thank you.

Bonviveur

[Mighty Mouse]

It all depends on her level of motivation and how ambitious she might be.

If her command of English is poor, enrolling her into an English class must be the first step. She will meet other students from non-English backgrounds in these classes and perhaps form a strong friendship with some of them.

Contrary to Padgapow Guy's feelings, I believe that these friendships can be positive for her future. Most of the other students are seeking employment and through word of mouth, they assist each other.

If she is the independent type, it would be good for her to find her own friends.

Without qualifications she may find it difficult getting a high paying job but should have little trouble finding employment in the hospitality industry. Room maid, cleaning, kitchen hand, waitressing etc.

Although the wages for these occupations are relatively small by American standards, they are more than she could expect to earn if she was working in Thailand.

I brought my g/f to Australia, wrote a resume listing her skills and sent her into two retirement villages to speak with the employment officer. They had not advertised any available positions.

She was hired on the spot by the second village. She is now regarded by them as their most efficient and reliable worker and her bank account continues to grow. She couldn't be happier.

A lot will depend on your g/f's maturity and whether she can live happily with you away from her family and Thai friends.

If you haven't yet taken her to your country as a tourist, this should be your first step. Things will develop from there and you'll both know whether she can make a success of moving there permanently.

[ronz28]

Some things that helped my wife adjust to life in U.S.

English as a second language (ESL) classes at local community college.

A job to generate her own income to spend as she pleases like paying for her own car. In her case she started working for electronics production companies but then got to work at a pharmaceutical company that she liked the most but had to retire before the company cut retirement health benefits in half. The pharmaceutical company was a clean room type production environment and they had to work in bunny suits with masks and she liked that. Pharmaceutical companies are generally very good to their employees.

A dog living in the house in our case its now a Chocolate Lab. I generally get stuck taking him out to take care of business but it keeps her happy.

Going to the local Thai temple on Buddhist holidays...

Buying Thai groceries whenever she needs it.

She got her permanent resident visa quickly back in 1970 but I am sure its longer now with the terrorist security background checks. Becoming a U.S. citizen was easy too but it took awhile because they lost her file once. We never had any help from anyone doing this. We just filled out the paper work and waited.....and followed up...they are just slower than they should be.

Best of luck to you.

[Misplaced]

I had the same issue with my wife; except my wife have a college degree, but her english was absolutely terrible.

The first thing I did was to allowed her time to get acclimated with the surroundings, get accustomed to US cultures and typical daily living in USA. I can't say enough about being patience. She's going to feel uneasy but just keep assuring her she'll be fine and she always has your support. BTW, I did not let her into the Thai community for fear of the "terrible english vocabulary pronunciation disease"

Once I felt she was comfortable enough I started looking for ESL (english as second lanuage) classes for her. I really didn't have to look to far since many local high school have an adult education programs; hence, ESL classes were available. As she felt more comfortable, I suggested to her to take other adult classes to mix with elder people. She started taking flower arranging which had many nice elderly person in class. Most of the elderly person in the class gravitated toward her to help her and they were very patience (very important). I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH THIS HELPED HER WITH ENGLISH SPEAKING. The friendlier the surroundings the easier she picked up the english lanuage.

Although she already has a degree, she still wanted to take classes at the local community college. I supported her 100%,but with a condition of not taking easy classes. The reason behind this is to advanced her English vocabulary. We talked about the type of classes and she suggested Accounting. Learing the accounting verbage alone was well worth the money.

I corrected her alot on "Pronunciation" and it helps her tremendously.

Hope it helps you and not bored you. Good luck

[TRIPxCORE]

I brought my wife over to the U.S. in 2000 and she has recently become a U.S citizen as well. Its a little hard for them to adjust to life in America but that is to be expected. First thing you should do is get her into English classes ASAP. Without English skills she will go nowhere. Degree or not, after she learns to speak English well, then the job market will open up for her greatly. Otherwise she will be relegated to menial jobs cleaning or cooking in Thai restaurants as she doesnt need to speak English to work there.

[mogoso]

My wife came here over four years ago on a K-1 visa, we're still waiting to get her green card. She arrived 2 weeks before 911 and the Atlanta USCIS is the slowest in the country. About a year and a half back they sent her file to a CA office to "speed up" the process. Just recieved an e-mail from them today that they recieved application and would let us know in 270-300 days. We're a bit miffed to say the least.

I found it easier for my wife to have a ready made thai support system for her after she arrived. I've a circle of thai friends that were invaluable in their help. We've great asian markets all through the area so whatever type of food she wanted, we were able to procure. I brought her to my Wat to meet the abbot (who, with two other monks did the blessings at our wedding) and to see that life was different, but the same. I think that I was able to make her culture availible to a small degree, and that helped the process. She's also calls home 2-3 times or more per week.

She has a work permit that we went and obtained, without an appointment at a local service office 90 days after her biometrics were done, so she has been able to work.

Her english has improved greatly, with her accent disappearing.

[KhunPadThai]

Hi All

What have your experience have been good or bad from getting the visa to life in the US? did you get a lawer in Thailand or the US to help with the procedures?

I would really like to hear the experiences of people who have brought their TGF here in the US and marry her.

My wife has succeeded here, but she was very motivated to come to the US. Before I met her she was in a training program to come as an au pair. She was an English major in college in Thailand, completed her degree, and was teaching English is high school before she came. Even so, when she got here I sent her to the best full-time university ESL program in town for a full year. By that time she passed her TOEFL and entered a two-year degree program in a new field. I encouraged her to start with a half-load at the college so that she could adaprt to the demands of an American college program. She did adapt, completed the program in three years with a 3.82 GPA, won the award for best student design portfolio in her field, and is now looking for her first entry-level professional job.

During this time she has had zero contact with the local Thai community, by her choice. She has gone back to Thailand twice a year, on average, to visit her family whom she misses a great deal. She talks to her family several times per week.

She received her green card two years and nine months after applying for it. We didn't use a lawyer, but you have to be extremely careful not to make any mistakes since fixing them is a lot more work than getting them right the first time. Other than that, there is a lot of advice on the net about the adjustment of status interview, etc.

I think the main factors in her success have been her youth (23 at the time), her original, strong desire to come to the US, the careful management that I did of the challenges and demands on her and finally her motivation for this new career. It is important that she succeed at each step and it is up to you to grade each step so that it is within her capacities. It was also important that she was always busy and never hanging around the house with nothing to do. We don't own a television, for example.

Another big plus is that she already had a college degree and knew how to study. She was part of the Thai emerging middle class already so that making the transition to the American middle class was not completely overwhelming.

She was never discouraged here although she has missed her family intensely. She will try having a career here, but I have told her that if, in the end, she doesn't enjoy working here then we would move to Thailand where I would retire.

When we were in Thailand recently among her friends and family, I remember thinking that none of them could have pulled this off. They all imagine that it is a life of ease here, instead of hard, but rewarding work.

Good luck to you. I would try to gauge the degree of motivation of your girl since that is the sine qua non. Changing cultures is more demanding than anything I ever did in my own life, I can tell you.

Khun Pad Thai

[bonviveur]

Hi Guys

Thank you to Kadkapow, Bkk90210, Mighty Mouse, Ronz28, Misplaced, Tripxcore, Mogoso and KhunPadThai for taking the time to share their experience with me I am greatfull this is why I love this board.

This is the type of encouragement I am looking for and only a person who has been through it can understand what I am about to go through.

From what I have read from all of you is the better the English the better the choice for a job I understand that more than you know being an immigrant myself. 22 years ago it was my first time also into the big city of New York I should be able to recall my first years and guide her.

Thank you very much and please keep them these words of encouragement coming.

Bonviveur

[Youbloodybeauty]

Without qualifications she may find it difficult getting a high paying job but should have little trouble finding employment in the hospitality industry. Room maid, cleaning, kitchen hand, waitressing etc.

Although the wages for these occupations are relatively small by American standards, they are more than she could expect to earn if she was working in Thailand.

I brought my g/f to Australia, wrote a resume listing her skills and sent her into two retirement villages to speak with the employment officer. They had not advertised any available positions.

Yep, in Oz my wife worked in a couple of Thai restaurants and then went on government employment training course and was offered a position. Working in Thai restaurant brings in low pay, bad hours and restricts speaking English.

It was much better when she got the position through the training because the work forced her to speak English. Her English improved exponentially and she still surprises me some of the Oz words or phrases she comes out with!

About Thai friends in the area you live, we have had many bad experiences but I think these problems can happen with any friends and you just have to be selective.

My wife has many friends at work from many different backgrounds. Outside of work, 80-90% of the time is spent with Thai friends not much with others. Why this the case is a good question, as I said she does make plenty of frends other then Thai but never been "best friends" with farang girls. Is it the culture difference or language I don't know.

YBB

EDIT: BTW like everyone suggests here, my wife also went to an ESL course (500hrs) provided by the government here in Oz when she came.

Edited February 4, 2006 by Youbloodybeauty

[a2396]

This is a complicated matter, in my opinion. I have not and would not take my present Thai wife to live in a western country. But, I am retired now and live in Thailand, so this is not a consideration. In your case, you may have no choice but to take her to your country. I did take my previous wife to live in USA with me. She was Malaysian Chinese and very well educated and intelligent. She did OK, but sooner or later they will start taking on some of the value system, or lack thereof, from USA. The same set of rules do not apply living in USA as Thailand and you can expect Shxt to happen as a result, particularly if there is a sizable age difference. As for the job situation, it (USA) is not an economic dreamland any more, even for well educated native Americans.

[The Skipper]

Keep her away from other Thais.

They will gossip, backstab and coach her on the finer points of divorce.

[Padkapow Guy]

Keep her away from other Thais.

They will gossip, backstab and coach her on the finer points of divorce.

I couldn't agree more.

I have seen this atleast a dozen times already. Jealousy seems to be the motivator for this behavior.

The new guy on the block is being set up from the get go. His wife married him for the green card and loves to tell the other thai women how much she is ripping him off. i feel sorry for the poor bastard. I tried telling him to get a prenup but he got offended, so now he on his way to becoming broke. Once she got her green card she leaves him for 6 months at a time going back to Thailand without him. She has to take care of the sick mother.

PKG

[mogoso]

Something quite cheap here in the US my wife likes is her Thai TV. You can purchase a satelite system between $ 200- 300 You can install it yourself as its really easy to align, and the channels are free to air. She has three Thai stations and one Laos station and it fills her need for a soap opera that thai (I guess most) womans need for that type of entertainment. Games show and news and talking heads are the bulk of its programming. there are also pay for view stations that you can purchase, but my wifes content with what she has. So for little up front cash and no monthly outlay its been a good investment for me.

As for my wifes Thai friends, most of them were my friends for years prior to meeting my wife. Theres no back stabbing here. There tends to be a bit of pretend hi so element in the local thai association, but after my wife went to a couple of functions we've never bothered to return, being both busy and bored with the wannabes. I do miss the welcome to the college students attending the local universities. Was a fun afternoon with all those young pooying cuties err students

[Youbloodybeauty]

Keep her away from other Thais.

They will gossip, backstab and coach her on the finer points of divorce.

I couldn't agree more.

I couldn't agree less.

Maybe Linda on Little Britain will know what's with all these divorces....

Hiiiii Martin, it's Linda.

I've got Lek here. Wants to know why her marrage is on the rocks. Lek, you know LEK?

Yes yes, a young girl. Yes, the one with the twinkle in her eye, looks Thai with lovely long black hair. Quite petite, almost very pretty. Yes, 20 years younger.

Yes yes Martin that's right, Lek the mole.

YBB

Edited February 11, 2006 by Youbloodybeauty

[Curt]

Keep her away from other Thais.

They will gossip, backstab and coach her on the finer points of divorce.

In my wife's case, she quikly dismisses these clowns.

She hated gossip in Bangkok; she hates it here.

[Padkapow Guy]

Keep her away from other Thais.

They will gossip, backstab and coach her on the finer points of divorce.

I couldn't agree more.

I couldn't agree less.

Maybe Linda on Little Britain will know what's with all these divorces....

Hiiiii Martin, it's Linda.

I've got Lek here. Wants to know why her marrage is on the rocks. Lek, you know LEK?

Yes yes, a young girl. Yes, the one with the twinkle in her eye, looks Thai with lovely long black hair. Quite petite, almost very pretty. Yes, 20 years younger.

Yes yes Martin that's right, Lek the mole.

YBB

huh?

[Youbloodybeauty]

huh?

Padkapow Guy,

Sorry a joke, I guess not everyone watches Little Britain

If you haven't see it, then you wouldn't now what I was on about.

Info on the skit:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Britai...ers#Linda_Flint

http://www.ringtones-direct.com/wma-true/11754.wma

Cheers YBB