Question Regarding Gold Necklace

[doontp]

My girlfriend's parents told me to buy her 5 baht of gold. Me and my gf went to a gold shop where I thought she was going to get a 5-baht gold necklace. Instead she got four separate necklaces weighing a total of 5 baht. She got a 2-baht necklace and three 1-baht necklaces. The gf said she wants to keep a 1-baht necklace for herself. And she wants to give the 2-baht necklace to her father, a 1-baht necklace to her mother and a 1-baht necklace to her little sister.

What is the tradition regarding who actually gets the gold jewelry? I thought the gf got all of the jewelry, rather than giving it to her parents and sister.

I also thought the gf had to give the gold to her mom to have it blessed by a monk and then return it. I never read anywhere about giving jewelry to the parents and siblings.

Please clarify for me. Thanks.

[Jangot]

My girlfriends parents told me to buy.....!!??

[Naam]

obviously a sin sod story

[rgs2001uk]

obviously a sin sod story

More like a sad story.

[Mario2008]

Maybe read up on sinsod, but that is something you negotiate (including the gold).

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/85581-sin-sod-an-explanation/

[doontp]

obviously a sin sod story

More like a sad story.

Dude's....chill out. Nothing sad here. Not even a story.....I'm just asking a question. Move on if you don't have an answer to my question. Please!!

[transam]

They will soon all be sold. Bank on it.

[doontp]

Maybe read up on sinsod, but that is something you negotiate (including the gold).

http://www.thaivisa....an-explanation/

Thanks. I checked it out. I read where a guy gave the parents each a 1-baht necklace. This is what I was looking for. My question has been answered. Thanks again.

[doontp]

My girlfriends parents told me to buy.....!!??

I have no problem showing appreciation.

[transam]

My girlfriends parents told me to buy.....!!??

I have no problem showing appreciation.

How will you feel if they sell it. Just curious. ?

[doontp]

My girlfriends parents told me to buy.....!!??

I have no problem showing appreciation.

How will you feel if they sell it. Just curious. ?

I will give the parents each a 1-baht necklace with specific instructions to never sell them. In addition, I'll require them to wear the necklace every time I visit as a form of respect. My disappointment will be displayed if my rules ever get violated. Furthermore, they will be out of my life. This also goes for my gf/future wife. I've already told them I'm not giving any money. I take care of the "needs." They are on their own with the "wants."

[Isee]

My girlfriends parents told me to buy.....!!??

I have no problem showing appreciation.

How will you feel if they sell it. Just curious. ?

I will give the parents each a 1-baht necklace with specific instructions to never sell them. In addition, I'll require them to wear the necklace every time I visit as a form of respect. My disappointment will be displayed if my rules ever get violated. Furthermore, they will be out of my life. This also goes for my gf/future wife. I've already told them I'm not giving any money. I take care of the "needs." They are on their own with the "wants."

Whatever "gain" you are trying to achieve by giving them the gold will be lost by your conditions of never selling which will be seen as totally unreasonable. Why go there, seems like a waste of time and effort.

If you are trying to set the ground rules, you are off to a bad start already without even realising it.

[transam]

My girlfriends parents told me to buy.....!!??

I have no problem showing appreciation.

How will you feel if they sell it. Just curious. ?

I will give the parents each a 1-baht necklace with specific instructions to never sell them. In addition, I'll require them to wear the necklace every time I visit as a form of respect. My disappointment will be displayed if my rules ever get violated. Furthermore, they will be out of my life. This also goes for my gf/future wife. I've already told them I'm not giving any money. I take care of the "needs." They are on their own with the "wants."

Weeeeeeeeell, think you will be disappointed. I think every guy l know, including me, who thought they were doing good making this gesture have seen the gold sold off. Once the village have all seen the glitter then it is sold to finance something or get someone out of doo doo. I told my mrs that if she or her mum sold the gold there would be no more. Mum sold hers.

PS. Think you might have a bit to learn about folk here. Takes years to learn stuff. Forget faranglands way of doing stuff regarding near everything.

Edited November 5, 2012 by transam

[rgs2001uk]

obviously a sin sod story

More like a sad story.

Dude's....chill out. Nothing sad here. Not even a story.....I'm just asking a question. Move on if you don't have an answer to my question. Please!!

You are of course correct, I should have said, sad story in the making.

You asked the question,

"What is the tradition regarding who actually gets the gold jewelry?"

The answer is, they make it up as they go along, there is no definitive answer, each case is different, varies from village to village.

So as not to cause offence, tell me what answer you want and I will post that the next time, should avoid any confusion.

[mogandave]

So you are "giving" them a necklace but putting a big hook in it.

[bina]

whats wrong with selling the stuff; that is the point with the necklaces=money. not sentimentality. we sold mine to buy a decent camera in bangkok, couldnt wear the thing anywhere anyhow... kept a small tastefull saleung necklace with a small hanging thingy hubby gave me for a birthday. the gold is the same as giving money, not 'bling' to be worn.

[David48]

Guys ... we try and help the people who come here and ask us questions in good faith?

Why all the angst? The OP has come to us to ask a question.

I disagree with Bina above.

The gold is not the same as giving money. But it is a tradeable commodity.

Rarely do Thai actually sell their gold ... but they do use it as collateral at the local Pawn Shop when cash flow is tight.

As to the Op's question ... yes, traditionally it does go the your Fiancée, but from what I read with your question, it is her who dictates where the 'spoils' of marriage are divided up.

[David48]

^^

Remember, Thailand is a land of many local customs and what applies in Bangkok is different then what applies in Issan.

For the OP ... I know your heritage as you have explained it before ... don't get 'steam rolled' and forget the PC that you are taught in your country.

If you don't like something that is happening in your relationship ... stand up for yourself.

Don't let her lose face, but become a skilfull negotiator.

[meatboy]

5bhts worth of gold and she's only your girlfreind,wait till you want to get married,and you are going to set the rules,you need to read up on living in thailand.

[krisb]

Hang around OP, they havnt finished bashing you yet!.....dont run away, that shows weakness.

[delgarcon]

doontp, be very careful. If you think that by buying necklaces for the family "they are out of your life", think again. Wait until one of them needs medical attention or borrows money that they can't repay at 10 or 20 percent per month, etc etc. They will expect you to bail them out. Don't be surprised if "friends" of the family look to you to lend them money either. You have to be tougher, learn to say no!

[doontp]

Hang around OP, they havnt finished bashing you yet!.....dont run away, that shows weakness.

Hang around OP, they havnt finished bashing you yet!.....dont run away, that shows weakness.

I'm still here, just not daily. With all due respect to everyone who has posted, I really don't spend much time online. Sorry. I simply posted a question and gained info. I log on here to either post a question or check to see if someone else has a question I can answer. I apologize for not really being the type to discuss online. Feel free to beat up on me.....I already got what I needed. Thanks again.

I have said no to the Isaan relatives already. I said no to the $50,000 dowry, the B1,000,000 dowry, the B600,000 dowry and no to the village wedding. I was more than happy to buy gold for the gf. She takes good care of me. I had the corporate-type gf in the US for 10 yrs who did very little for me.

I started wearing the 2-baht gold necklace myself. Nothing wrong with a little bling...LOL. I like it. I might get me a gold tooth to match it....LOL. Sawatdee:)

[rgs2001uk]

"I have said no to the Isaan relatives already. I said no to the $50,000 dowry, the B1,000,000 dowry, the B600,000 dowry and no to the village wedding."

Good man.

As for a gold tooth, I have already told the mrs she can use my gold teeth to pay any funreal expenses.

Just glad I got them fitted when I did, one of my better investments.

[transam]

Guys ... we try and help the people who come here and ask us questions in good faith?

Why all the angst? The OP has come to us to ask a question.

I disagree with Bina above.

The gold is not the same as giving money. But it is a tradeable commodity.

Rarely do Thai actually sell their gold ... but they do use it as collateral at the local Pawn Shop when cash flow is tight.

As to the Op's question ... yes, traditionally it does go the your Fiancée, but from what I read with your question, it is her who dictates where the 'spoils' of marriage are divided up.

Davey lad, think your wrong. Believe me. BUT, does depend a bit on the family, if they are loaded then perhaps OK BUT if they are poorish and the extended family have probs, it will be sold. Seen it time and time again.

[marstons]

My girlfriends parents told me to buy.....!!??

I have no problem showing appreciation.

How will you feel if they sell it. Just curious. ?

I will give the parents each a 1-baht necklace with specific instructions to never sell them. In addition, I'll require them to wear the necklace every time I visit as a form of respect. My disappointment will be displayed if my rules ever get violated. Furthermore, they will be out of my life. This also goes for my gf/future wife. I've already told them I'm not giving any money. I take care of the "needs." They are on their own with the "wants."

[TommoPhysicist]

whats wrong with selling the stuff; that is the point with the necklaces=money. not sentimentality. we sold mine to buy a decent camera in bangkok, couldnt wear the thing anywhere anyhow... kept a small tastefull saleung necklace with a small hanging thingy hubby gave me for a birthday. the gold is the same as giving money, not 'bling' to be worn.

Bina always talks good sense, disagree with her at your peril.

A Thai lady once told me, if you want to give me a sentimental keepsake, buy silver, gold is just money to be sold.

[bina]

ugh. wish we had some now to sell; hubby's brother in a jam in korat, neither we nor they have the finances... we usually say no to the usual requests but this is a rather different (legal) jam... and definately, gold=money. (thai gold). as far as hubby is concerned, other gold is nice to wear but not useful.

[bangkokcue]

Ah, you will have angry wife if you don't buy gold necklace, wont you?

[MrRed]

Just give them the money instead and buy everyone some cheap copy jewelry down at Big C for show.

Because when they need money they WILL porn it and if they didn't want you to know would spend 500 baht on exactly what i am talking about anyway.

I still find it strange that you have been told to buy jewelry by the parents.in my book you need to grow some balls and tell them NO!

Told to buy a gift for there daughter and themselves!!! <deleted>

There will be plenty of time for giving and showing your appreciation down the line ....and boy you are ripe for it

Another one bites the dust.

[David48]

Guys ... we try and help the people who come here and ask us questions in good faith?

Why all the angst? The OP has come to us to ask a question.

I disagree with Bina above.

The gold is not the same as giving money. But it is a tradeable commodity.

Rarely do Thai actually sell their gold ... but they do use it as collateral at the local Pawn Shop when cash flow is tight.

As to the Op's question ... yes, traditionally it does go the your Fiancée, but from what I read with your question, it is her who dictates where the 'spoils' of marriage are divided up.

Davey lad, think your wrong. Believe me. BUT, does depend a bit on the family, if they are loaded then perhaps OK BUT if they are poorish and the extended family have probs, it will be sold. Seen it time and time again.

Seems that we have had different experiences in Thailand ... but that's half the joy of visiting/living here.

How are those bathroom renovations going? (I've done that joke twice now ... I'll give it a rest) ...