Moving Out Of Thailand (A Confession)

[Chads]

OP (who knows the girl BTW) claims she's hardworking and supports her family in whatever way she can.

Still many posters here find it necessary to put her in a negative daylight without even knowing the girl.

I wonder why ?

I'll stick to my original advice i.e. be a man and talk to the girl, she deserves at least that.

Jeeezzzz.

Yermanee

I don't blame them though, because they've probably seen so many bad examples before. Though it'd be nice if they'd take my word it, it's understandable that they make such assumptions.

[arthurwait]

If she loses you she has less money to send home to the alcoholic leeches, she's building a house and paying for them as you are indirectly, by paying for her living expenses - rent and food. As that's all she would really spend her money on.

She's using you as are the leeches who have already most likely told her to guilt you into giving them money directly or get another farang that will.

If you really want to find out the truth tell her she needs to contribute a few thousand to rent and a few thousand towards food.

Thing is, she hates those leeches. She often talks about the problems they cause her mother back home, even to her friends (I can understand Thai). And that's precisely why she wants to move her mum out of that house. So I highly doubt she's going to do anything for that bunch.

The reason why I don't have her contribute to rent and food is because I wanted her to have more money to save for building the home.

Maybe that's what's bringing her down then, but the thing is you're obviously not happy not just with the relationship but where you are living. You can't live your life for someone else. If you have kids then yes it changes, but you should end this before you do and you can't leave.

[Chads]

If she loses you she has less money to send home to the alcoholic leeches, she's building a house and paying for them as you are indirectly, by paying for her living expenses - rent and food. As that's all she would really spend her money on.

She's using you as are the leeches who have already most likely told her to guilt you into giving them money directly or get another farang that will.

If you really want to find out the truth tell her she needs to contribute a few thousand to rent and a few thousand towards food.

Thing is, she hates those leeches. She often talks about the problems they cause her mother back home, even to her friends (I can understand Thai). And that's precisely why she wants to move her mum out of that house. So I highly doubt she's going to do anything for that bunch.

The reason why I don't have her contribute to rent and food is because I wanted her to have more money to save for building the home.

Maybe that's what's bringing her down then, but the thing is you're obviously not happy not just with the relationship but where you are living. You can't live your life for someone else. If you have kids then yes it changes, but you should end this before you do and you can't leave.

Unfortunately, you're probably right

[jacktrip]

If she loses you she has less money to send home to the alcoholic leeches, she's building a house and paying for them as you are indirectly, by paying for her living expenses - rent and food. As that's all she would really spend her money on.

She's using you as are the leeches who have already most likely told her to guilt you into giving them money directly or get another farang that will.

If you really want to find out the truth tell her she needs to contribute a few thousand to rent and a few thousand towards food.

Thing is, she hates those leeches. She often talks about the problems they cause her mother back home, even to her friends (I can understand Thai). And that's precisely why she wants to move her mum out of that house. So I highly doubt she's going to do anything for that bunch.

The reason why I don't have her contribute to rent and food is because I wanted her to have more money to save for building the home.

just close your eyes and relax. let the thoughts rise and dont try to interpret them or control them.

think about how the leeches are making the mother feel...

[farang000999]

sounds like another where the girl had one thing in mind and it wasnt love. When will these clowns ever learn.

Feeling sorry for a girls familys poorness is not a valid reason th move the girl in.................lol.

Maybe you're right. And if you want to call me a clown, go ahead because I don't really know you and neither do you. But I know myself, I've mindfully not spent too much on her, I've enjoyed my stay here, and having her stay with me has given me great company.

so you have been having fun banging her and it has not cost you too much money. now you are bored and want to move on but feel guilty?

Edited November 8, 2012 by farang000999

[phuturatica]

Either talk to her and ask her why she is being like this or end it.

There is a the possibility that she is being like this because she wants you to end it with her? Either way, I think deep down you know you're not happy and you've already made a decision that you want to be in Indonesia. Follow your heart.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I did love her. I've only started thinking 3 days ago that maybe I don't anymore. I hope you'll believe me when I say that she wouldn't have realized that long before me, because even up to earlier this week, my positive feelings for her have been made clear.

She surely couldn't have thought that there's going to be an impending breakup 2 months ago when her change in behavior started. Trust me, I was totally fine with her.

As for how to leave, I think leaving suddenly without telling her in person, and just leaving a note on the table is going to be really sad. I know she's going to be terribly hurt by such a thing, and I don't know how I could sleep at night after doing such a thing. But as others have mentioned, the unpredictability of her reaction to it if I do it face-to-face does seem scary.

Whatever the timing, I maintain that they often know our innermost feelings long before we're aware of them ourselves.

How many times have you been checking out a hot babe from 50+m away from behind in a very crowded area and she suddenly swings around and locks eyes with you? Spooky shit 8-)

Regarding the "be a man and sit her down for a serious chat" issue obviously up to you. I'd rather be sad and guilty than go through yet another screaming-banshee knife-throwing target practice session. But as I said I've got a low tolerance for drama, actually more of a motive than any actual fear of violence.

A nicely written letter, perhaps some telephone conversations will help her "process her feelings" without risk to you, and a decent amount of money left to help her find her feet should help you feel you've done the best you can by her given the circumstances.

She'll be OK believe me. Really!

[Chads]

sounds like another where the girl had one thing in mind and it wasnt love. When will these clowns ever learn.

Feeling sorry for a girls familys poorness is not a valid reason th move the girl in.................lol.

Maybe you're right. And if you want to call me a clown, go ahead because I don't really know you and neither do you. But I know myself, I've mindfully not spent too much on her, I've enjoyed my stay here, and having her stay with me has given me great company.

so you have been having fun banging her and it has not cost you too much money. now you are bored and want to move on but feel guilty?

Nice twist, but no, that's not how I'd describe this scenario.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

OP (who knows the girl BTW) claims she's hardworking and supports her family in whatever way she can.

Still many posters here find it necessary to put her in a negative daylight without even knowing the girl.

I personally don't think a girl motivated primarily by money, nor a guy motivated primarily by sex are doing anything wrong, and in this case I make no such assumptions in any case.

But I'd like to point out completely apart from this particular case, that even the most explicit sex workers can also be very hardworking people who send most of their earnings back to support their parents. One's got nothing to do with the other IMO.

[poanoi]

Similar here, i've got both miserable sexlife & partylife, i won't drive any more due to police scams,

nothing left here for me except paying for my gf success. I just want to sell off my stuff and move to sihanookville,

but that would be the end of my gf dreams.

[HardenedSoul]

I'd say that she is taking you for granted but it's the seemingly contemptuous attitude she displays that kinda makes it a no-brainer.

In situations like this, you can't go on what she says; only on what she does.

Bin it and move on sharpish

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I just want to sell off my stuff and move to sihanookville, but that would be the end of my gf dreams.

As long as you've got a few brass to rub together you can find whatever you're looking for - including a whole new set of the same kinds of troubles - wherever you go in this part of the world.

Personally I'd advise travelling around a while, find a nice girl who's willing to travel with you and then decide where to settle down, obviously far from her family but most likely within the same country.

Then if she decides to leave she's the one who goes away and you can stay in the nice place you've chosen rather than having to abandon both your home and the relationship at the same time.

[tinfoilhat]

Why have you not ask her why her behaviour has changed towards you.Perhaps she is looking for a way out which will make things easier for you.

the only breakup i have had to go through in Thailand played out like this.

we were both sick of the whole thing, but she saw it quicker. she wasn't sure how to play it so she acted out until i snapped and said get out. a big fight ensued and she was gone that night.

we have remained close, and down the road one night she admitted that she had wanted out, but did not know how to get out,so she forced my hand knowing that i would not put up with it.

She was self sufficient as well, so no payoffs were required, it is no bad thing knowing women with pride.

To tell the truth the way she handled herself during the break up just reinforced why i had been with her in the first place.

reading of all these people who have horrible experiences in the light of the what is the longest you have been single in Thailand thread leads me to conclude that if you are with someone out of your own inability to be alone rather than for their actual merits, you will suffer for it.

[poanoi]

The only reason i stay in this location is because of my gf,

there's no way i would want to live here otherwise, it's too far from gogo to begin with,

and twice as expensive as i would chose for myself.

I also had so much fun alone so i have come to the conclusion this couple thing ain't for me at all,

talk about fading away in some boring mud with nothing new SSDD

[Chads]

So after our conversation last night, her behavior has changed, improved (of course it's too early to tell). I did decide that if I was going to move, I'd do so only next year. So I guess I'll observe how she is for the next 2 months. Thank you all so much for your comments and advice.

Edited November 8, 2012 by Chads

[barefoot1988]

So after our conversation last night, her behavior has changed, improved (of course it's too early to tell). I did decide that if I was going to move, I'd do so only next year. So I guess I'll observe how she is for the next 2 months. Thank you all so much for your comments and advice.

great. it seems to me that its the usual next phase after the honeymoon phase in relationship where things get alittle toned down and stuff. do allow the relationship for a chance

[thaibeachlovers]

<Even so..................... I've felt like she doesn't talk to me as nicely or not even in a normal tone of voice sometimes, even though I maintain the same level of communication and warmth to her as I did from the start.

She used to say "thank you" for the simplest things that I helped her with, but now she doesn't anymore. Now she just asks me whatever she wants, sometimes even without any warmth. Perhaps she's forgotten how she used to live.>

Sounds like my western ex, before I left her.

[transam]

<Even so..................... I've felt like she doesn't talk to me as nicely or not even in a normal tone of voice sometimes, even though I maintain the same level of communication and warmth to her as I did from the start.

She used to say "thank you" for the simplest things that I helped her with, but now she doesn't anymore. Now she just asks me whatever she wants, sometimes even without any warmth. Perhaps she's forgotten how she used to live.>

Sounds like my western ex, before I left her.

Does make you wonder if there is someone else in the background. Though l will agree that many ladies soon forget their previous poor life.

My pal got seriously ripped off by his lady he pulled from sleeping on a bar floor. She is now claiming mega cash in the UK.

[Berkshire]

So after our conversation last night, her behavior has changed, improved (of course it's too early to tell). I did decide that if I was going to move, I'd do so only next year. So I guess I'll observe how she is for the next 2 months. Thank you all so much for your comments and advice.

Honestly, Chads, it sounds like you're in a normal long term relationship (read marriage). Women tend to become "comfortable" in a relationship and no longer feel the need to try to impress the guy (in fairness, guys do the same). This may look and sound like she's taking you for granted, when she's simply just acting normal. Whether she loves you or not, well that's for you to know.

[scotto]

Grow a pair of balls tell her straight and move on

with your life.

life is too short

you only live once

[uptheos]

Oh dear Zzzzzz

[Tomtomtom69]

If you're only nearing 30 (BTW i'm also still in my twenties) then you've still got time to find another girl. If you prefer Indonesia to Thailand, then that sounds like the place you should be heading to, rather than sticking it out in Thailand. You probably also prefer Indonesian girls to Thai women if you prefer Indonesian people to Thai people (personality wise) then. I think this one's a no brainer. Follow your heart. You can't be happy if you don't like the place. It's easy to change women, but it's not easy to change the country you live in. Go somewhere where you feel you are better suited to - luckily for you, you've already determined that place is Indonesia.

[Grumbles]

One thing that strikes me about the OP is the possibility that the lady may have gotten over the first flushes of romance.

As anyone who is/has been married will point out, after a while couples tend to relax with each other and after a long tiring day at work are more prone to be a little short with their partner.

Couples new to a relationship usually try just that little bit harder or bite their tongues instead of snapping off a snarly retort.

(On my 3rd marriage ATM) and I'll admit to have been guilty of some of the above offences myself.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

If you're only nearing 30 (BTW i'm also still in my twenties) then you've still got time to find another girl.

ROFL! Or another fifty, just as true if you're 60, or 80 all depends on your turnover rate that's all.

One thing that strikes me about the OP is the possibility that the lady may have gotten over the first flushes of romance.

As anyone who is/has been married will point out, after a while couples tend to relax with each other and after a long tiring day at work are more prone to be a little short with their partner.

Couples new to a relationship usually try just that little bit harder or bite their tongues instead of snapping off a snarly retort.

(On my 3rd marriage ATM) and I'll admit to have been guilty of some of the above offences myself.

Trick is working hard at making sure she never can relax and take you for granted.

And of course exerting enough self-discipline to not act as if you're taking her for granted, even if you're "sure" that you could.

Keep that honeymoon stage going as long as you can, cause AFAIC once that's gone it's all over, unless you've got kids or a business partnership or some other reason to stay together once the bloom's off the rose.

An honestly open arrangement is also conducive if you can swing it. . .

[payak]

people treat you how you let them treat you.

[Chads]

people treat you how you let them treat you.

That's right. Compared to my ex-girlfriends, I know I've let things go too easily with her. I guess it's cause of her financial background and how much she struggles.

[payak]

people treat you how you let them treat you.

That's right. Compared to my ex-girlfriends, I know I've let things go too easily with her. I guess it's cause of her financial background and how much she struggles.

usually what i see here is the girl threaten to leave when they dont get something, next thing the men are on there knees begging for them to stay and giving them what they want and more.

its a gradual process of control, they are good at it, dont allow it, its common mostly amongst men who never really had a decent looking bird outside of thailand.

Look, if she loved you, she would show it, straight up, thais that really love do.

[chiangmaikelly]

people treat you how you let them treat you.

That's right. Compared to my ex-girlfriends, I know I've let things go too easily with her. I guess it's cause of her financial background and how much she struggles.

usually what i see here is the girl threaten to leave when they dont get something, next thing the men are on there knees begging for them to stay and giving them what they want and more.

its a gradual process of control, they are good at it, dont allow it, its common mostly amongst men who never really had a decent looking bird outside of thailand.

Look, if she loved you, she would show it, straight up, thais that really love do.

People let you watch them kneeling down betting their wives to stay? Wow where do you see this stuff (outside of TV)?

[poanoi]

people treat you how you let them treat you.

That's right. Compared to my ex-girlfriends, I know I've let things go too easily with her. I guess it's cause of her financial background and how much she struggles.

usually what i see here is the girl threaten to leave when they dont get something, next thing the men are on there knees begging for them to stay and giving them what they want and more.

its a gradual process of control, they are good at it, dont allow it, its common mostly amongst men who never really had a decent looking bird outside of thailand.

Look, if she loved you, she would show it, straight up, thais that really love do.

Amen

Edited November 8, 2012 by poanoi

[payak]

admit it most woman here have the men by the balls, everything they do, and they way they live indicates that.