First time I took my wife to England, it was a cold, crisp spring morning. We walked out of the terminal building, and she noticed her breath condensing in the cold air. She freaked out, thinking she was on fire inside.

We got to my house, which was next to a river. She saw ducks and geese on the grass in front of the house, immediately dropped her bags and went running after them. I got her to stop, and asked what she was doing........."Have many duck, can make laab"

Aussies for many years were proud of 'inventing' Hills hoist clothes lines and Victa lanwmowers. We kind of set the bar fairly low and now you are telling me that we copied one of these ideas from Disney?

Actually, I'm much more proud of the fact that Aussies invented the wine cask (box wine) ... a far more usefull invention and a gift that keeps on giving ... till it's empty ...

.

And the bladder acts as a handy pillow when empty and inflated

Have used it as a pillow while camping more then once!

Now David, Im confused. Your asking us how to live in the village when your outback sozzled on cask wine using the bladder as a pillow!

Your gonna fit in fine out there.

Ps, is that you doing the christmas cracker?

My well educated TGF and I were invited for dinner at a friends house. My TGF was asked is there anything she doesnt eat so our friends could work out the menu, my TGF answer I dont like to eat dog and frogs. My friend replied, that ok we will have possum pie.

They say the Ozzies like the simple things in life. It appears they also like simple wives as well.

A bit late to delete this insulting post. Members have responded. You will find my correspondence to you VIA PM.

AFATC?

As far as they're concerned.

AFATC?

As far as they're concerned.

First time I took my wife to England, it was a cold, crisp spring morning. We walked out of the terminal building, and she noticed her breath condensing in the cold air. She freaked out, thinking she was on fire inside.

We got to my house, which was next to a river. She saw ducks and geese on the grass in front of the house, immediately dropped her bags and went running after them. I got her to stop, and asked what she was doing........."Have many duck, can make laab"

Yep. My mate's wife couldn't understand why nobody was catching the beautiful ducks on the slow meandering river that runs through his city.

First time in the US it started right at the airport after landing

After the flight she said she was thirsty so I walked her over to a water fountain.

You know the chilled water types you press the button & the little arch of water comes up to drink.

She just stood there & asked where is the water. The man behind us had a good laugh.

On the way home she saw homes with lawns & asked if folks eat grass here.

I told her no & she asked then why are they working so hard on it then.

Made me laugh too because it is true

That night after dinner as she was about to scrap the waste off the plates

I showed he the in sink garbage disposal. That freaked her out big time.

As others have said of course we needed a bum gun pronto.

So many things

Good thread to have actually

Thanks

My wife actually looked at me in disgust when she found out there were no bum guns in the UK.

"What? You just rub it in?"

"Yes"

Oh, and THEN you take a shower?"

"No, just leave it"

Pause

"And you do that do you?" With a complete look of horror as if I was uncivilised jungle boy.

Even after 6 or 7 years living in the UK, mrs mjj would always take a shower after a dump.

Another time she was helping my mum make a trifle. All that was left were the sprinkles to go on the top. Wife says, "and now I mix it". Shouts of NO from mother and I.

What's that blue in the cheese?

Mould, darling.

Look of <deleted> again.

What a start to a Sunday morning..........thanks very much, fantastic thread

My pal owns a bathroom company here in Glasgow and he imports bum guns....................so mjj and any other resident Brits that are looking for that extra special Christmas gift this year............pm me!!!

Who would have thought a bum gun would be the ideal Christmas gift eh?

When my wife arrived in England we made the last part of the journey home by train from Birmingham International.

One of her first comments was "why all trees dead?".

It was autumn and most of them had lost their leaves.

I don't think she believed my explanation until the following spring!!

First time and only time in 10 years took her home last year. Arrived in Glasgow on the first of January. It was the first time I had been home in that time as well. No need to say it was Baltic. One thing she said straight away was "where is everyone?" It was a great drive to Edinburgh without hardly a car on the road.

Stayed in Edinburgh for a few days seeing the sights. Poor girl shivered the whole time. We then travelled up to kingussie where there was loads of snow. Met some of my family, had a couple of beers at their home and she had to drive the hire car from kingussie to our hotel in aviemore. 10 miles max. It was brutal snow

The reason for this post is that I was very impressed that she could do that in the blizzard. Even though she only went 5 mile an oor all the way and turned onto laybyes thinking its a junction.

Next time we will go back in summer

First time for her in Farangland, I was travelling from the airport to the city with my ex on the elevated train. She looked down at the traffic and said "Where are all the motorcyles?"

Took Mrs Pikey back a few years ago for the first time and stayed at my folks house. The neighbours asked my dad why his son's wife was out gardening at 4am? Here in CM, Mrs Pikey gets up around sunrise and does the garden before it gets too hot. She never realised we have longer days in the summer in England......

Cheers,

Pikey.

Wife came to Australia, living in Sydney, after about a month or so she said when are we going to travel around Europe, she though she was in Austria

She didn't call you Markus or Rainer I hope

They say the Ozzies like the simple things in life. It appears they also like simple wives as well.

Tell us your story.

First time and only time in 10 years took her home last year. Arrived in Glasgow on the first of January. It was the first time I had been home in that time as well. No need to say it was Baltic. One thing she said straight away was "where is everyone?" It was a great drive to Edinburgh without hardly a car on the road.

Stayed in Edinburgh for a few days seeing the sights. Poor girl shivered the whole time. We then travelled up to kingussie where there was loads of snow. Met some of my family, had a couple of beers at their home and she had to drive the hire car from kingussie to our hotel in aviemore. 10 miles max. It was brutal snow

The reason for this post is that I was very impressed that she could do that in the blizzard. Even though she only went 5 mile an oor all the way and turned onto laybyes thinking its a junction.

Next time we will go back in summer

I think I am about to experience much the same. The gf is (hopefully) coming over before Christmas for the first time. She keeps complaing "NK hot hot hot", and I tell her how cold it's starting to get in Inversnekky. "That OK. I like cold. No like hot",,, We will see! I have the daughter-in-law lined up already to take her out clothes shopping for warm stuff

If the thread keeps running, I hope to make a contribution in the next few weeks!

Thanks for this thread...Great fun and what a laugh I have had.

Mr Boo arrived at Heathrow first time at end of march, driving to Kent he kept looking out the window with a curious look on his face, after about 15 minutes turns to me & asks, Who planted all the grass? he had never seen such a naturally green land & thought somoene must have been cultivating it. About 2 days after his arrival it started hail stoning & he actually put his head out of the door & stuck his tongue out as he didn't beleive me when I said it was ice rain. How it can stay light until 10pm in summer is still wonder for him after nearly 10 years here & one of the things he misses when we go to thailand for holidays.

My wife always thought Germans were the most down to earth, reasonable people in the world. We had to go through Germany to go back home, so I decided to rent a nice Audi and have some fun. She was next to me and I was so excited looking at the speedometer 120, 140, 160, 180, 200, 220 ... She was a bit tense but was not saying anything until suddenly she asked me very matter of fact what was the speed limit here. When I answered her there was none I could see in her eyes that her opinion of Germans has changed for ever.

Wife came to Australia, living in Sydney, after about a month or so she said when are we going to travel around Europe, she though she was in Austria

She didn't call you Markus or Rainer I hope

No. Got anything positive or humorous to contribute to this thread?

After buying what was the heaviest winter clothing available in Thailand we arrived in Edmonton, Canada on Dec 6th to -28C temp. She had been excited for months about going to see snow for the first time. By the time we got to the hotel, in the dark, see looked very scared and unhappy.

Next day it was off to the shopping mall to buy proper Canadian winter gear, snow boots, long parka, gloves, etc. she said it was too much work and took to long to get dressed to go anywhere. (have to agree with that)

I had to start the car and let it run at least 30 min before she'd make the dash from room to car.

She had been making suggestion about moving to Canada, but after a month of extreme cold she was more than happy to get back to Thailand.

We did go back during an expesially cold winter and there was lots of complaining but the pictures of her in the parka and steam coming out of her nose still get place of pride in the house and shown to anyone who comes by.

They say the Ozzies like the simple things in life. It appears they also like simple wives as well.

Tell us your story.

he had a complicated wife

he had a complicated wife

AKA high-maintenance

What a brilliant thread... as an Aussie I really enjoyed the Bandicoot bit... and the duck larb.. brilliant ..

Now .. where's this...... this ...... MRTELLYOUSTRAIGHT

i took the wife home to cheshire u.k , but i,ll never forget the long weekend we had in BLACKPOOL she loved it playing the slots the funfair

and the tower , she still has a KISS ME QUICK hat here in udon . 7 years latter . it was like las vagas to her .

Walking the streets of Manhattan on a Sunday morning "where is everybody? it's like a city of ghosts after everybody die"

Had to agree, even at rush hour the sidewalks seem incredibly sparse and the traffic flows much too quickly to be real 8-)

My wife actually looked at me in disgust when she found out there were no bum guns in the UK.

"What? You just rub it in?"

"Yes"

Oh, and THEN you take a shower?"

"No, just leave it"

Pause

"And you do that do you?" With a complete look of horror as if I was uncivilised jungle boy.

Even after 6 or 7 years living in the UK, mrs mjj would always take a shower after a dump.

I do that too.

Western toilet habits are just too disgusting.

Speaking of Bum Guns....I did the right thing and installed one (IN QLD!!!!!) for the missus....first time she used it i heard this this loud screaching from the toilet.

Raced in to see what was wrong, and find her with gun on the floor saying.....why water so very cold (Winter time)...then i had to connect the hot water to it with a mixer....Ok she replied....now feel like home....from then it was laugh after laugh.

What a refreshing thread !!!!!!!!!

Wow, a warm water bum gun - now that's true love 8-)

the yells of rat rat rat in thai of course,coming from her as she put the washing on the hills/disney hoist,garden fork in hand to beat the vicious rodent,no stop said the poor mans steve irwin (me) it is a bandicoot,poor little bugger saved (bandicoot not wife),and a quickly arranged lesson on the wildlife she is likely to see in the garden.

Oh how about when they see Kangaroo for sale in the meat section at Coles!! "nooooooooo" she says. Nearly in tears she was.

Funny you should say that, Thai's just don't believe Aussies eat kangaroo. I took a picture at Coles one day and showed them all. You could hear a pin drop.

You can buy frozen kangaroo and croc at the emporium. And here I thought I was unique bringing kangaroo jerky from aus. Bloody disgusting. Like a plastic polymer.