Staying Faithful

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Therefore straying once in a while is OK. As long as the wife doesn't know.

However you have no way to absolutely ensure she won't find out; your ostensible James Bond moves won't cover your tracks unless you married a retard.

Many many men who think they're pulling the wool over their wives' eyes don't realize how many of them know but just suffer in silence.

Some find out when it's time to pay the bills in court.

Others may never know just how much their wife actually loves them and don't get the chance to show their appreciation.

For many settled into long-term marriages where the ostensible rules have been spelled out in concrete long ago you might think it's too late to re-negotiate your understandings. But maybe it's not - only you can judge that.

For those not yet fully committed please realize there's a better path than the mainstream mythical rule-set that practically guarantees failure.

Please understand in advocating against monogamy, I'm coming not just from idealist POV here - be honest - but also a very practical one.

Edited November 11, 2012 by BigJohnnyBKK

[BigJohnnyBKK]

No wonder the Russians used to do so well with their honeytraps.

Why the past tense?

I'm sure we don't hear about the successes, and even this failed one wasn't that long ago.

I wonder who's going to be guarding the guards (Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?) for Air Force One's upcoming visit to the LoS?

Recent relevant thoughtful piece from my hometown rag.

Edited November 11, 2012 by BigJohnnyBKK

[Semper]

how many expats feel its fine to stray, to get a little side action.

Not sure about the numbers, but probably those who choosed the wrong wife / girlfriend.

[dave111223]

Never been unfaithful/cheated on marriage vows

Not all countries have the same marriage vows.

In Thailand The man makes a vow to protect, the woman makes a vow to serve.

Why are so many expats blinkered by their home countries culture?

Isn't that what we came here to escape from?

I think you may be the one who's wearing blinkers; every Thai girl is familiar with the term "feed it to the ducks"...

[NeverSure]

Perhaps a moment of silence for General Petraeus is in order. . .

General Betray-us was stupid to throw away an otherwise brilliant career over a piece of tail, be it lobster or prawn.

There are still places, right or wrong, where if your integrity is questioned, you are finished.

[macksview]

18 years old girls(not the p4p,they are obvious),full of promise, old men look with lust, but be honest, give me a good movie on the internet or hbo,give me the movie, seen them done them, i have finally grown up.

see cuties everywhere when in thailand,but only think about it, got a woman i took from the burbs seven years ago she will do me, for my old age.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

how many expats feel its fine to stray, to get a little side action.

Not sure about the numbers, but probably those who chose the wrong wife / girlfriend.

It's so hard to take your posts seriously with that avatar, but I'll try.

Do you mean to imply that by choosing the "right woman" she would keep him so satisfied for the rest of his life that he'd never be tempted to sleep with another woman?

If so, not very realistic IMO.

If you're just resurrecting the old "married a BG" routine, then I would think it's more accurate to just make the more general statement that being a customer of the sex industry makes a man more likely to be unfaithful, nothing to do with the much much smaller group that have chosen to marry sex workers.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Perhaps a moment of silence for General Petraeus is in order. . .

General Betray-us was stupid to throw away an otherwise brilliant career over a piece of tail, be it lobster or prawn.

There are still places, right or wrong, where if your integrity is questioned, you are finished.

And it's a real pity that he couldn't have been able to do the needful and still maintain both his integrity and his position.

Unfortunately American politics may as well be the Taliban in that regard, e.g. the voters were able to accept Newt's serial lying and truly cheating on his wife, but not the suggestion that perhaps he had an open marriage arrangement with his most recent one.

Edited November 11, 2012 by BigJohnnyBKK

[GreenSnapper]

Perhaps a moment of silence for General Petraeus is in order. . .

General Betray-us was stupid to throw away an otherwise brilliant career over a piece of tail, be it lobster or prawn.

There are still places, right or wrong, where if your integrity is questioned, you are finished.

Have you seen the photo of his wife?

A perfect reason for some younger flesh. And a perfect reason to marry a woman of much younger age.

[barefoot1988]

i do the same thing i expect from my spouse.

[JUDAS]

A man that thinks with his d_ck is actually still a little boy.

[rics21]

A man that thinks with his d_ck is actually still a little boy.

Most men who don't think with their d_ck can't live without viagra.

Sent from my XT910 using Thaivisa Connect App

[MAJIC]

For me I just can't trust someone who cheats on his partner. How can you trust someone who come home day after day, look his partner straight in the eye and lie. All the people I have known who cheated on their partner always a day or an other also cheated on their friends or colleagues.

How can you cheat on your friends or colleagues?

The same as on your partner. Give them the impression and image that you are an honest decent man with Integrity,morals,and principals.when in reality,you are a danger and not to be trusted,especially with confidences.

[mjj]

I've made my stance clear on this matter, but I will add that if both are happy for an open relationship then that is fine also. Maybe it is a lot/too much to ask for in a partner to remain faithful for the duration of the marriage. Perhaps in the future open relationships will become the norm.

When I look at my family, I see devotion and adoration and it is reciprocated. To throw that away because daddy or mummy couldn't be faithful would scar me and my family for the rest of our lives.

To the guys on here that think its ok to play away, would your wife leave you if she found out? And would you leave her if she cheated? If you have kids, what would you tell them? Would you lie or say that daddy doesn't live with you anymore because daddy cheated on mummy?

[MAJIC]

Never cheated on anyone in my life and just because I'm now in Thailand see no reason to start.

I married my wife here because I love her and she is the best person I could ever have as a partner.

It's good to smell some fresh air!

[MAJIC]

A man is programmed to get erect and have kids until he is in his 70's if he looks after himself.

Makes sense that he wont be faithfull the whole time.

We are here to reproduce like Tommy it is acceptable to cheat on your partner its just normal behavior.

Since when has lying,deceipt,cheating,and causing extreme anxiety,the potential collapse of a marriage,which deeply affects childrens mental health,.."been normal behaviour"?

[SiameseCurios]

how many expats feel its fine to stray, to get a little side action.

Not sure about the numbers, but probably those who choosed the wrong wife / girlfriend.

You need to say "those who chose" and not "those who choosed".

However, I really do agree with you.

So many foreign men choose hamburgers when they should be choosing steak.

[eek]

Never been unfaithful/cheated on marriage vows

Not all countries have the same marriage vows.

In Thailand The man makes a vow to protect, the woman makes a vow to serve.

Why are so many expats blinkered by their home countries culture?

Isn't that what we came here to escape from?

Personally I dont think of my views as "western" (across the board), i think of them as my own views.

Im all about trust and honesty. Anyone (friends or partner) betraying that breaks me up. Ive felt it, and it has affected me. It becomes harder to trust again.

If you agree on a mutual open relationship, and can handle it, thats great.

Maybe down the line ill feel open to that concept, or when years are under the belt of a relationship and both agree to it...i really just dont know.

For now, with only a couple of years under my current relationship belt, it wouldnt be able to handle the idea.

I find it frustrating the assumption that women dont have high or strong sex drives, so cant understand temptation.

Well, some of us do..and im sure its more like many, or even most...!

My partner works for up to months away at a time in the mines...and yet i wait.

No, if temptation arises, and it has done, there is no way i could bare face lie to my partner. OR, more importantly, look myself in the mirror without guilt.

It boils down to my personal sense of integrity.

[Rob8891]

how many expats feel its fine to stray, to get a little side action.

Not sure about the numbers, but probably those who choosed the wrong wife / girlfriend.

You need to say "those who chose" and not "those who choosed".

However, I really do agree with you.

So many foreign men choose hamburgers when they should be choosing steak.

GRAMMAR POLICE ALERT.

Why should they choose steak? Why not choose fish.... or maybe an aa-you-can-eat buffet?

[SiameseCurios]

how many expats feel its fine to stray, to get a little side action.

Not sure about the numbers, but probably those who choosed the wrong wife / girlfriend.

You need to say "those who chose" and not "those who choosed".

However, I really do agree with you.

So many foreign men choose hamburgers when they should be choosing steak.

GRAMMAR POLICE ALERT.

Why should they choose steak? Why not choose fish.... or maybe an aa-you-can-eat buffet?

Get a life. You are neither amusing nor intelligent. Grow up.

[Jayman]

how many expats feel its fine to stray, to get a little side action.

Not sure about the numbers, but probably those who choosed the wrong wife / girlfriend.

You need to say "those who chose" and not "those who choosed".

However, I really do agree with you.

So many foreign men choose hamburgers when they should be choosing steak.

Well.. jeeze.. if you're going to correct grammar then do it correctly.

So many foreign men choose hamburgers when they should have chosen steak.

Not sure about the numbers, but probably those who have chosen the wrong wife / girlfriend.

[Trembly]

Staying faithful is easy.

Staying faithful to the truth . . .

Sometimes it's "there is no way in hell I would hurt this girl by . . . "

Sometimes it's "I ain't searching for nobody to own and I ain't for nobody searching to own me. . . "

Stay faithful to yourself. Deep conflict will occur when you don't.

Edited November 11, 2012 by Trembly

[nottocus]

All those who choose to cheat on their spouses obviously don't truly love them. How sad....being married to someone you don't love.

[BookMan]

No wonder the Russians used to do so well with their honeytraps.

Why the past tense?

I'm sure we don't hear about the successes, and even this failed one wasn't that long ago.

I wonder who's going to be guarding the guards (Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?) for Air Force One's upcoming visit to the LoS?

Recent relevant thoughtful piece from my hometown rag.

Past tense in that I would have thought with the end of the cold war a lot of the secrets that were wanted are no longer needed. But i have no evidence to support that theory. Probably still happens everywhere.

In regard to your linked piece; in my observations, having affairs seems to becoming the norm, especially amongst younger people (under 40) in Australia.

These affairs are more of the clandestine opportunistic types where the person's partner does not know in advance.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

All those who choose to cheat on their spouses obviously don't truly love them. How sad....being married to someone you don't love.

"Love" however you might define it is often not a strong enough rock to tie your chains to, many people are driven by lust much more strongly than their "willpower" can contain. Some people don't have that problem, either they have a lower need for variety or just a lower sex drive, or a correspondingly higher degree of self-control. But most greatly underestimate the former, greatly overestimate the latter or just blindly and tragically buy into the cultural myth of "love" conquers all. Age and experience - or just looking objectively at the statistics and realizing that you're most likely nothing special in that regard, teaches you to be more realistic about yourself.

For me the solution is simple - just don't marry someone who can't agree to keep separate sex and "love" whatever that is for you. If you really love them then why would you set yourselves up in a situation nearly guaranteed to fail?

And if they can agree on this, then work hard day by day to keep the marriage strong so there never is any doubt where your priorities lie. As long as both partners can feel secure and confident about the "real faithfulness" about each other, then both can fool around for fun with as many other partners as they like, best of both worlds.

[ExpatJ]

I think it depends on your spouse to a large extent- if your spouse is active in the bedroom and your marriage is good- no need to cheat. HOWEVER, if your spouse is not sexually active , shows little or no interest sexually but your marriage is good in all else then I think it is ok to find sex elsewhere (with protection and without romance/love angle) sometimes.

[Neeranam]

how many expats feel its fine to stray, to get a little side action.

Not sure about the numbers, but probably those who choosed the wrong wife / girlfriend.

You need to say "those who chose" and not "those who choosed".

However, I really do agree with you.

So many foreign men choose hamburgers when they should be choosing steak.

Well.. jeeze.. if you're going to correct grammar then do it correctly.

So many foreign men choose hamburgers when they should have chosen steak.

Not sure about the numbers, but probably those who have chosen the wrong wife / girlfriend.

So many foreign men chose hamburgers when they should have chosen .

Sent from my hammock using Thaivisa Connect App

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I think it depends on your spouse to a large extent- if your spouse is active in the bedroom and your marriage is good- no need to cheat. HOWEVER, if your spouse is not sexually active , shows little or no interest sexually but your marriage is good in all else then I think it is ok to find sex elsewhere (with protection and without romance/love angle) sometimes.

I think most guys have a genetically-wired need for variety no matter how enthusiastic their main partner. Thai women generally understand this, and it's not that hard to find one that's willing to accept it, so then you both can fool around without having to "cheat" at all.

And for those of us guys that are older and otherwise not quite up to the mainstream image of attractiveness but hooked up with young stunners, such an arrangement is only fair, and realistically is the only way to make sure you have an honest relationship.

[chiangmaikelly]

When I was a kid the Supreme Commander Allied Expeditionary Force had a mistress. A few years later the one of best Presidents the USA ever had was a womanizer. It was no big deal. People had real problems to worry about. Now even France is getting up tight about philandering. Look at poor DSK. One of the big reasons I came to Thailand was to get away from all of this kind of nonsense in the West. It didn't used to be like that. The media used to give Presidents and Prime Ministers and Generals some breathing room. I don't know what happened to change things. It is a shame when normal men jump in and become moral watchdogs for others. What is even worse is they come to Thailand and try the same stuff that is gaining popularity in the West. Shame on you. Leave Thailand alone. It has existed without your European Christian values for centuries and does not need them now.

Edited November 12, 2012 by chiangmaikelly

[BigJohnnyBKK]

When I was a kid the Supreme Commander Allied Expeditionary Force had a mistress. A few years later the one of best Presidents the USA ever had was a womanizer. It was no big deal. People had real problems to worry about. Now even France is getting up tight about philandering. Look at poor DSK. One of the big reasons I came to Thailand was to get away from all of this kind of nonsense in the West. It didn't used to be like that. The media used to give Presidents and Prime Ministers and Generals some breathing room. I don't know what happened to change things. It is a shame when normal men jump in and become moral watchdogs for others. What is even worse is they come to Thailand and try the same stuff that is gaining popularity in the West. Shame on you. Leave Thailand alone. It has existed without your European Christian values for centuries and does not need them now.

I completely agree that monogamy is a useless and archaic holdover from religion-imposed dogma, and that public opinion in the west about adulterers is a huge over-reaction compared to the actual scale of the "crime".

However honesty in all one's personal relationships is to me a genuine and universal moral issue and nothing to do with any religious brainwashing, and an important goal for one's well-being from a practical point of view not unrealistic nor idealistic. IMO only lazy and selfish people are dishonest.

I don't mean to preach or judge, not blaming nor trying to make anyone feel guilty, just pointing out that open arrangements are healthier and much more achievable than many people think.