Qantas And Answers

[kayo]

Qantas and Answers

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but

only a high school diploma to fix one; Just some

reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their

jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form,

called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about

problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their

repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe

sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said

that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are

some actual maintenance complaints submitted by

Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions

recorded (marked with an S) by

maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost need replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet

per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be

serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last ................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds

like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

[tavarich]

Thats a good one. Hope you don't mind I copied that and sent it on around the world.

[udon]

Thanks for that.....

[ilyushin]

Very funny. I will inform my pilot and maintenance friends to take a peak.

[kayo]

thanks for the feedback... No problems if you send it round the world... That's how it ended in my inbox.