How Much Money Is "enough"?

[GuestHouse]

I believe you are asking the wrong question.

You ought to be investigating what your wife is doing with the money you give her and determining if your children are being looked after or if they are being neglected.

If the latter, the fix is not sending more money and is very likely to be removing your children from neglect.

Amount of money is a difficult thing to determine, certainly up country living Bht15K would give a reasonable life, if spent wisely.

You already know there is a problem, find out the extent of the problem before trying to fix it with cash (for a gambler more cash is like throwing petrol on a fire).

Also keep in mind that any 'assets', houses, land, vehicles in your wife's name or the name of her family or your children are at risk if she's gambling.

Fix the problem, don't feed it.

[krisb]

Thanks a lot for the input so far. Much appreciated! Yes, the real problem is the lottery. She's pregnant at the moment, the house is in decay and so is our relationshit because of this. It has just grown on her (and me), and she seems totally willing to give up everything except for the lottery. Anything and everything has been tried and seems like there's only the hard way out from this. No serious talk is possible and she just wont answer anything brought up around this problem. I see the exact thing as mentioned in this thread about only attending things at home after the kids come back, but then she is complaining about everything and snaps frequently at them because she is exhausted from all she have done in the day. This year she sold all her rice after harvest, and I start wondering how much she owe people here, since she apparantly wins 20k without seeing other than pocket-money going out on her part. I will just stop sending anything since she have had all the time to indulge me in her world and in her life, but chose to shut up and extort me both physically and mantally from this not being fun at all. The comparison is just for argument sake, but as I have seen the last two years, no argument is valid against what she is doing.

I feel sorry for the kids, and for what could have been if the person in charge would give that up and attend to life in a way that is more sustainable and familyfriendly.

When leaving and coming back it seems like the place have been desserted, but using new technology offered in smartphones these days, I know she is around all the time.

What technology do you mean?...have you got her phone tapped or something?

[David48]

If you wanted a reasonable excuse to travel to Bangkok for a week-end then simply say that 'you simply must go the Thai Visa 10 year celebration Party' ...

Invite her along, but insist that she must attend the party if she wants to travel to Bangkok with you ... otherwise stay here and take care of the kids.

Problem solved ... she won't come ...

BTW ... it's next Saturday night ... so a little under a week to get your affairs in order.

Enjoy your time with a few of the Lads here and off to Santa Land on the Sunday in that big silver bird ...

.

[TommoPhysicist]

If I was not worried before, I am now...

Seems like running, as in fleeing, may be the only way out, but where? The border to Cambodia? I just don't know how to play things as "usual" I think they read me too, as to see that this will be over after I get my ass out from here. I can't hide my feelings to this and they see a change in my attitude as well as I think I see a change in theirs. I have said too much maybe too, about not signing any birth certificate or that if she not stop/tell me what's going on then there will be no money after I reach shore in Norway. But I should try to be as cold as her and play this out, but I promise you its hard when the kids are trying to fix this problem for us, and trying in their way to keep us together. I not bullshit them, as much as I not want to see them stop eat or go around with worried faces all day. They pray to buddha every night and they know they can not stand up to her. As much as would like to keep things at calm trying to ignore this, I do not want to see this frustration going on anymore as I can do nothing to change this. It has been mote than two years since I talk very loud in Lotus that "if I see you play one more baht in that lottery I will leave you. From then on theres been ups and downs all the way and still shes playing as never before, and everything seems like a bad dream. In fact I sleep more than 15 hours pr day, just because its a much easier life in my dreams than in my wake-up life. I didn't think that people could be like this, honestly. Or at least one should get as deserved, but I don't feel this comes as deserved, even though I might have said and done some stupid things along the way in my "investigation" as to what our relationship is built upon on her side.

Just to clear up something you don't understand.

If you were married at the Amphur office, the child is yours, nothing more needs to be signed by anyone.

If you only had a village wedding, then the child is not yours, it doesn't matter what anyone puts on the birth certificate.

Don't you have a problem with your passport that needs you to urgently go to your Embassy in BK?

Edited November 24, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[arlissmichaels]

Best you get over to Stickman and have a read, this can and has happened before.

Are you freaking kidding me? First of all if you'd red anything other than that one post you'd see I don't need to be told.

Secondly, I think there's a good chance I know far more about Thailand than Stickman ever will -- and much of it learned quite possibly before he ever imagined coming here.

I need to read Stickman...classic.

Ah, that old chestnut.

The worn-out "I've been here longer than you" line.

No, the "I've been here longer than Stickman" line. Get it right. (Read again) Is that one a worn out chestnut too? (You must know).

I confess I'd never thought I'd say it: it was a moment of weakness but I am so bored with people thinking they read Stickman and know what they need to know about Thailand -- and to have one of them suggest I need to read Stickman to know what's what? Well, it was too much at a moment where I was tired and irritable.

Given a chance to go back, I'd not have said it -- but I meant every word and stand by it.

But you misinterpreted why I wrote it, nothing to do with your knowledge and advice which as above is very sound advice (don't advertise you are about to do a runner for safety reasons), my comment was more on the lines you were entertaining it may be a troll post

And yes I most probably replied like a smartasre, I wrote it when i was tired but not irritable.

Edited November 24, 2012 by arlissmichaels

[Mark1971]

Gambling is a massive problem with Thai women in my area (UK not Thailand).

One lady has recently divorced & 4 months ago received her final divorce settlement of £40,000 (2 Million THB).

She phoned my wife up today asking for help, she hasn't got enough money to pay her rent this month!

This lady works full time as a cleaner at the hospital, probably makes about £1,200 a month. (60K THB).

She has been going to the casino, and lost over £10,000 (500K THB) a month every month for the last 4 months!!

My wife said that unfortunately she can't help her financially, and is going to drive her to the Citizens Advice Bureau on Monday.

No sum of money is enough for a gambling addict.

[NeverSure]

I wouldn't send another baht. It won't go for any kids regardless, and that is her doing, not yours. I would also get very lost, never to be heard from again.

It's too late, and off topic, but for the life of me I can't understand farangs getting married in LOS. I know it works some times, but when it doesn't... Oh well, life goes on.

Very sound advice. Abandon your kids. That will show her who the boss is. Super good.

I don't understand. If I couldn't stay there and direct traffic, but instead sent money which would feed a gambling habit rather than the kids, and the kids wouldn't benefit one bit from the money, I'll stand by the idea that I wouldn't feed the gambling habit. Once I have no control over what happens to the kids, all I can do is decline to pay for the mother's gambling. I believe that the worst thing I can do for an addict is to supply the drug. The only hope for an addict to is totally crash and come to her senses, maybe.

[Geekfreaklover]

I can really see a good outcome here. You confirm the baby is yours and legally keep the baby and divorce her. Pay her off so you never see her or her family again. Let your new TGF be a mother to your baby. You'll end up with a beautiful baby, a great TGF and done all you reasonably could. Her and her other children don't stand a chance but in Thailand that outcome is still not all bad.

Do everything at arms length and ignore all her subversion. Done right, 10 years down the road you'll have a nice little family.

If she spins it into keeping a connection with your baby, skip the above and do a full walk away as keeping a connection is zero percent move for you, your baby, your wife and your future.

This right here.

First thing is to cut all communications. Send a small amount of money each month. Keep records of the bank transfer. Keep records of everything that happens. Do not see her. Keep a diary of events. Once the child is born establish that you are the natural father. In the meantime find somebody that deserves you. A new partner. Divorce your wife, pay her off, and claim custody of your child.

She sounds like a right bitch, if you don't mind me saying, and the situation will not improve for her. The situation will be better for the child if with you. Thai courts will see that. But more than likely she will take a payment at the amphur and you can get on with your new life with a new family .

[rubberduck]

Depending on how many other guys are also sending money to her.

[JAFO]

My answer is simple; Send her NONE!

And that is that, wife or not. This is such an age old sad case. Farang Man marries Thai Woman, Farang can't stay, Thai "wife" gets fat bonus check every month promising to the 'mind" the store so to speak. Such a deal. Whats her incentive to do anything? She basically landed a pension. Sorry to be so harsh but why sugar coat it. She seemed to survive quite well prior to you, expect she will survive while you are away.

[Sayonarax]

Someone has trust issues... If you cant plan a household budget by now, then there's no hope for ya

Edited November 25, 2012 by Sayonarax

[Sayonarax]

I can really see a good outcome here. You confirm the baby is yours and legally keep the baby and divorce her. Pay her off so you never see her or her family again. Let your new TGF be a mother to your baby. You'll end up with a beautiful baby, a great TGF and done all you reasonably could. Her and her other children don't stand a chance but in Thailand that outcome is still not all bad.

Do everything at arms length and ignore all her subversion. Done right, 10 years down the road you'll have a nice little family.

If she spins it into keeping a connection with your baby, skip the above and do a full walk away as keeping a connection is zero percent move for you, your baby, your wife and your future.

Children have both a mother and father, regardless of your hate and spite. Where do you get off telling some one to cut their childs mother off at the knees.. its clear your a lonely no body who has no future here. Heres your boarding pass get your arse back to where it came from.. I seriously hate parents who think only of them self.

[culicine]

what does a teacher earn, or a policeman, since they seem to be considered well off up here?

Why do you ask this, is she a teacher or a policewoman?

Yes, not comparable, unless your wife has a degree/qualifications/job. Most housewife's get what the family provide for them for the upkeep of the family house.

10-15K a month should easily cover food and bills for her and your kids. Don't give her more even if she begs. If she wants more, ask for the kids to go and live with you. See her response. Apart from the gambling, income buys face - nice clothes, fancy cars, etc. That raises her status in the village. So the more she can get the better.

[cheechoo]

2 questions:

Are the kids yours?

Do you really want to be a sponsor to the lottery?

this is funny!

no offense but if its not op kids id get the hell out of issan! its obsious what kind of wife he as there.

[DLock]

What a sad situation. I feel for you.

Supplying a heroin addict with heroin makes you complicit in her problem. You are effectively her dealer.

You can't win here. She will poison everyone in the village against you that you are the bad guy. That is not healthy in a place where the odds are stacked against you.

Time to go home to see you sick Father I think. Change your phone number, get you sanity back.

Good luck. You have a desperate situation and some tough, but obvious decisions to make.