Etiquette When Visiting A Thai Family

[David48]

One thing l do not do is take my shoes off in another house where the toilet is inside and the floor is water logged, shower in the toilet, cos l wear socks if out. But, l always tell the host l am sorry about the shoes, they smile a no problem. My Mrs says they understand, your a farang and are different.

Forget the 'Farang' bit ... transam ... you are just different ...

.

[FritsSikkink]

Advice on a public forum isn't just for the OP, but for all those with a similar problem that are looking for advice.

In this case, two people said that we SHOULD eat/ try Thai food for whatever reason, and I was pointing out that it isn't always appropriate to eat the food that is offered, and IMO isn't required to do so. In fact, concientous hosts would find out first if their guest can eat what they are offering.

Being polite goes both ways.

Post modified to allow posting.

Western life you mean. The biggest problem Westerners have when they move to Thailand is accepting that they are in a different culture and should respect it rather than change it too what is convenient for them.

Why would anyone even want to meet the Thai family?

Especially if you are just using the girl for casual sex.

Because some people have a girlfriend or wife and don't use hookers.

[FritsSikkink]

I'd be quite happy to never see my extended Thai family again.

After reading your comments i think they feel the same

[DrFloyd]

Do like me. Don't bother to visit them.

[transam]

One thing l do not do is take my shoes off in another house where the toilet is inside and the floor is water logged, shower in the toilet, cos l wear socks if out. But, l always tell the host l am sorry about the shoes, they smile a no problem. My Mrs says they understand, your a farang and are different.

Forget the 'Farang' bit ... transam ... you are just different ...

.

I know, I am not religious but thank god I am different eh. ............ .

[hellodolly]

Well it would seem that you have enough information to meet the parents of a fiancee or the parents of a hooker.

Myself I would try to fit in Thailand has enough foreigners living here refusing to try to fit in. Say they are different and are not going to change even when they know it is inappropriate.

In the mean time

[marstons]

Oh yes, and practise pointing with your lips.

Made clearer with a nooon sound.

[andrew]

No sex, but "taking it slow" and bringing presents....

You are in the perfect beta-provider role. Learn the basics!

Yeah. This is the only comment on this thread worth taking seriously.

The FARANG is the prize. He's got the FARANG passport; the white skin; the money; the access to government benefits and government pensions.

The FARANG is the man who can produce "beautiful, white-skinned" babies.

This is why the girl is interested in him.

It's up to her and her family to prove they are worthy of his attention.

----------------------------------------

You don't need to give money or gifts or presents.

You and your passport and your bank balance are the presents.

[theblether]

No sex, but "taking it slow" and bringing presents....

You are in the perfect beta-provider role. Learn the basics!

Yeah. This is the only comment on this thread worth taking seriously.

The FARANG is the prize. He's got the FARANG passport; the white skin; the money; the access to government benefits and government pensions.

The FARANG is the man who can produce "beautiful, white-skinned" babies.

This is why the girl is interested in him.

It's up to her and her family to prove they are worthy of his attention.

----------------------------------------

You don't need to give money or gifts or presents.

You and your passport and your bank balance are the presents.

Do you like living in Thailand Andrew?

[andrew]

No sex, but "taking it slow" and bringing presents....

You are in the perfect beta-provider role. Learn the basics!

Yeah. This is the only comment on this thread worth taking seriously.

The FARANG is the prize. He's got the FARANG passport; the white skin; the money; the access to government benefits and government pensions.

The FARANG is the man who can produce "beautiful, white-skinned" babies.

This is why the girl is interested in him.

It's up to her and her family to prove they are worthy of his attention.

----------------------------------------

You don't need to give money or gifts or presents.

You and your passport and your bank balance are the presents.

Do you like living in Thailand Andrew?

Good question.

After about 5-10 years in Thailand, most farangs change. And they change a lot.

They go sour; they get cynical; they become jaded; they suffer from mild depression.

They are bored. They are fed up. They've had enough. Many succumb to drink.

I was no exception.

---------------------------------------------------

To answer your question -- yes, I love it here now. Everything changed a year ago. Something gave me a new lease of life.

[NeverSure]

Do you like living in Thailand Andrew?

Well, Theblether, will all due respect I do have some issues, myself. Surely there are enough complaint threads right here about driving, traffic, smoke pollution, dual pricing, and all else to at least give one some pause.

What I don't understand is why, when I move to LOS next year I suddenly have to stop being a Westerner. I was raised a Westerner and if some gal and her family want a Westerner, they'll get one just as surely as I'd get a Thai.

Now I never plan to marry, and this may big just part of it. As someone else said, I won't walk into a bathroom with a urine soaked floor without my shoes on. Being a country boy, I'm more likely to go outside and take a whiz on a tree and don't think I don't do that here if I'm outside and it's easier. That might in fact be the best thing about having privacy in the country. What's the old saying? "It feels so good out, I think I'll leave it out all day."

I'll surely wear shoes in my own house. For one thing my feet are such that without good arch support they quickly get sore. If I walk around the house for just one day without shoes, my feet get sore. Even after putting on shoes with good arch support, they stay sore for a couple of days. Is that too much to explain to a Thai in my own house?

My answer to sin sod would be that I'm a Westerner and it's against my religion. Take it or leave it. I may have to start a new religion, but that will be at the top of the list.

I can understand a need to learn the language if possible, and to make a lot of changes in life, courtesies and culture. But I have no plans to stop being me. I get along great with my friends here, and many of them are school day chums since I live in the town I grew up in and can see the schools I attended from my great room windows. I don't have people problems here.

I'm not going to stop being "me" kap.

[theblether]

@NeverSure.......

I'm in a pub in Bellshill, Scotland right now, drinking with some alcoholic compatriots.

Tomorrow your going to get the bletherised answer your outstanding post deserves.

Full respect to you Sir. fabulous post.

[NeverSure]

@NeverSure.......

I'm in a pub in Bellshill, Scotland right now, drinking with some alcoholic compatriots.

Tomorrow your going to get the bletherised answer your outstanding post deserves.

Full respect to you Sir. fabulous post.

Oh NeverDoubt. I knew there would be incoming fire of the very, very finest variety when I wrote that.

I can hardly bear the weight wait.

[SCOTTIEDAM]

Perfume for mum, a real SWISS army knife for papa, chocolates for the rest of the family to share. DO book a room at a local hotel, you will not be allowed to sleep in the same bed as your GF. Yes, eat any food served you, or you insult the cook (MAMA), ask your GF to send some pictures of the family, house, neighborhood, might give you a better idea what to expect when you arrive, also ask her if there's anything she thinks would be appropriate to bring, good luck !!

[lucjoker]

to ask a question like this on this forum ,is hilarius!

But never the less here is my answer:

(it's "Chang beer " and "Chiang-Rai", Chang Rai does not exist)

In wich school did your 100% girl learn her english ?Ask her plz.

Wich "family-bussines " do you visit every day? Bar/massage/retaurant/hotel/carwash/foodstall/....?tell us plz

She "flew" home ?...hm... and you " assume the family has money" Why you want to give them more money?Are you a banker?

A good impression ? How many decades are you older then her ?The older the better.

How many millions of dollars are you prepared to spend on the ( allready rich) family?

Dont forget a crate of Chang-beer and try talking to them after finishing it.

Thank you for your serious question,

you made my day.

[spiritrace]

I go by what my Thai wife does. She always takes 2-3 kinds of fruit when we visit family. Once the relationship was established I pitch in and cook something American. Here in the US she always cooks something herself. Will not buy it. So anyone in the family gets authentic Thai food. They love it. And yes, I cook stuff for my own family too.

I quit drinking years ago but my all my Thai family drinks. They respect my not drinking. Not an insult to them.

Edited January 3, 2013 by metisdead
: Underscore removed.

[transam]

Perfume for mum, a real SWISS army knife for papa, chocolates for the rest of the family to share. DO book a room at a local hotel, you will not be allowed to sleep in the same bed as your GF. Yes, eat any food served you, or you insult the cook (MAMA), ask your GF to send some pictures of the family, house, neighborhood, might give you a better idea what to expect when you arrive, also ask her if there's anything she thinks would be appropriate to bring, good luck !!

Eat the food . Don't think so.

[stoneyboy]

Perfume for mum, a real SWISS army knife for papa, chocolates for the rest of the family to share. DO book a room at a local hotel, you will not be allowed to sleep in the same bed as your GF. Yes, eat any food served you, or you insult the cook (MAMA), ask your GF to send some pictures of the family, house, neighborhood, might give you a better idea what to expect when you arrive, also ask her if there's anything she thinks would be appropriate to bring, good luck !!

Eat the food . Don't think so.

Yes it doesn't pass my sacred lips neither.

[lucjoker]

Ask the girl if she knows a nice hotel where you can stay. She will either give you the name of a hotel or say that you can stay at their place.

She knows the hotel ,and all the hotelstaff probably know her .

[rene123]

No sex, but "taking it slow" and bringing presents....

You are in the perfect beta-provider role. Learn the basics!

Yeah. This is the only comment on this thread worth taking seriously.

The FARANG is the prize. He's got the FARANG passport; the white skin; the money; the access to government benefits and government pensions.

The FARANG is the man who can produce "beautiful, white-skinned" babies.

This is why the girl is interested in him.

It's up to her and her family to prove they are worthy of his attention.

----------------------------------------

You don't need to give money or gifts or presents.

You and your passport and your bank balance are the presents.

Do you like living in Thailand Andrew?

Good question.

After about 5-10 years in Thailand, most farangs change. And they change a lot.

They go sour; they get cynical; they become jaded; they suffer from mild depression.

They are bored. They are fed up. They've had enough. Many succumb to drink.

I was no exception.

---------------------------------------------------

To answer your question -- yes, I love it here now. Everything changed a year ago. Something gave me a new lease of life.

I think your reply was honest, Andrew, but not particularly relevant to just Thailand. It probably covers 75% of most marriages anywhere. Or, at least in the countries I've been in. Sometimes you don't know you are in a funk until something drastic changes it all and you either rejoice in the change or you go into a depression.

But, this topic was on meeting Thai parents and family of a young woman who a farang is sweet on. I wish them both the best and hope everything goes well. There have been a variety of good replies and it's not hard to sort out the wheat from the chaff.

[lucjoker]

try and learn some basic Thai words this goes a long way . maybe take the family out to dinner too.

good idea: mai mee satan (i'm rich )

chaup kin pet (i dont like spicy food)

Dark ling ( my lovely)

pom kiniauw maak maak ( i like children )

The first impression is the most important !

[lucjoker]

Why would you take presents ?

Is it because its Christmas ?

Just take yourself and don't fart at the table

Agreed, but do they have a table? My in laws sit on the floor. I had to provide my own chair.

In my experience:

take your shoes off at the door.

Use Khrap after speaking in Thai to them.

BTW, I agree with not taking a present. They'll be getting enough money when you have to front up with the sin sod.

I disagree with waiing, unless you know everything about it. Most farangs don't have a clue how to do it properly. I never do it.

Smiling is a good idea though, anywhere.

try smiling like an idiot ! A rich one !

[onni4me]

I have no clue why the OP should ever consider being something he isn't or try acting any different than he usually does. I wouldn't give wrong impressions.

A good question might be would a Thai ever consider trying to behave differently in front of someone? I think not.

The OP sees the family. And then what? Well, I would go and see and book a hotel. Unless you are fluent in Thai it all becomes a bore real soon.

Some suggested that this should be engagement occasion and gold and money etc. should exchange hands. In my opinion, after living with Thai family here, if the lady loves you, you can do what you would normally do. I would explain that I have no intension of paying sin sod and no willingness to pay anyone's life. This may sound harsh but the reality is that they have been able to live before you entered the equation.

And...I would have sex and enjoy myself couple of years before any marriage just to see how it goes. Many here involve themselves far too easily and find later themselves deep in problems that could have easily been avoided.

[lucjoker]

Some useful tips:

- When eating frog head, make sure you spit out the cranial bones

- The tastiest part of steamed fish are the eyeballs, so offer these to your future mother-in-law

- Raw buffalo uterus is an acquired taste and best left for an occasion when you have speedy access to a toilet

- Practice perching like a chicken and you will be an immediate success with the inlaws

- Violence at family gatherings is the norm in village Thailand; care is required only when bullets fly

- The local village policeman is always right, especially when drunk

- Do not French-kiss the grandmother, unless you enjoy tasting crimson betalnut juice

Hope that helps

Simon

Thanks Simon ,please post some more

[lemoncake]

I have no clue why the OP should ever consider being something he isn't or try acting any different than he usually does. I wouldn't give wrong impressions.

A good question might be would a Thai ever consider trying to behave differently in front of someone? I think not.

The OP sees the family. And then what? Well, I would go and see and book a hotel. Unless you are fluent in Thai it all becomes a bore real soon.

Some suggested that this should be engagement occasion and gold and money etc. should exchange hands. In my opinion, after living with Thai family here, if the lady loves you, you can do what you would normally do. I would explain that I have no intension of paying sin sod and no willingness to pay anyone's life. This may sound harsh but the reality is that they have been able to live before you entered the equation.

And...I would have sex and enjoy myself couple of years before any marriage just to see how it goes. Many here involve themselves far too easily and find later themselves deep in problems that could have easily been avoided.

I am really not sure what OP post you are reading, but all i read was that OP wants to know what to bring when he meets the family.

For the life of me i see no harm of learning the culture not to offend the family. Acceptable gifts is only a polite gesture one should always consider.

OP clearly stated that he likes the girl but it has not developed into anything as of yet, she simply invited him to meet the family which is also a traditional thing to do for a Thai girl who is thinking of getting involved with someone.

[NeverSure]

No, Run dude Run!! Some woman is threatening to get her hooks into you. And I'd say that no matter what country you're in.

Run for the border!!

[Metapod]

No decent family are going to expect gifts or want you to pay for anything.

Thai people are very hospitable. I've stayed with Thai families on a few occasions (girlfriends and also just regular friends).

They will go out of their way to make you comfortable and insist on everything. My advice is be respectful and friendly.

Would you go meet some girls family in your home country and hand their Dad some cash and gold? Would you expect a guest in your home to pay for everything? Seriously.

Just make an effort to enjoy yourself and be gracious of their hospitality. If you get a chance to help out with something then do that too. I have bought some fruit and stuff at the market for everyone to have, helped them setup a LAN connection for their home computers, and even shared a trip from Udon Thani > BKK > Udon with my girlfriends brother as he needed someone to share the driving up and back.

Not once have I ever been asked for money and even the suggestion of it was refused.

Then again the girls I have around are not prostitutes.

If you are hooking up with bargirls and low class people and families, then expect low class behavior.

Edited December 30, 2012 by Metapod

[boggle]

Get your soon to be GF to take you to the local markets. Buy heeps of fresh food that she points out to you for Mum and the girls to cook up. Then off to Tesco and get a couple of bottles of 100 pipers and a case of beer.

Eat their food and DOOOOOOOOOOOOO drink with them all. It helps if you can play Thai card games for money!

Dont ask the soon to be GF what they are saying all the time. Just smile mostly, laugh at the times they all are laughing and never seem pissed off.

Set for life!

[tingtongtourist]

IMO would go for food, probably fruit your best bet. this seem to be the Thai way anyway.

Many region in Thailand are famous for certain type of food. Ask GF about anything special they like that cannot get in their area they live and maybe if you travel through that region you can get something slightly rare that might be a treat. Many Thai do not like chocolate, so id say no to that one also.

As others did say, buying anything major or giving money would be VERY poor form at this stage, a very BAD iidea.

If cant find special food then i suggest some package of various fruit..jackfruit or grapes,apples ect

One other: make sure you buy something you can afford to buy a big family amount of or various bags of. Turning up with even three or four bags is like a snack for 1-2 people!! will get you reputation known as MR Keeniew

[JRinPDX]

Perfume for mum, a real SWISS army knife for papa, chocolates for the rest of the family to share. DO book a room at a local hotel, you will not be allowed to sleep in the same bed as your GF. Yes, eat any food served you, or you insult the cook (MAMA), ask your GF to send some pictures of the family, house, neighborhood, might give you a better idea what to expect when you arrive, also ask her if there's anything she thinks would be appropriate to bring, good luck !!