Hori was in the pub and had been chatting up a nice looking young lady. They were getting on great and when it came chucking out time he asked her to go home with him for the night.

She said: “I’d love to but I cant I have my menstrual cycle”

“No Problem” said Hori “I have a truck outside we can put it on the back”

Hori got a job working as a driver for a rich farmer and his first job was to go to the airport in the city and pick up the bosses daughter who had been overseas.

The others working at the farm started having him on about the girl,

They told him he would have to watch himself as she was sex mad and would be into his pants as soon as she could if he wasnt careful.

On the way back after picking her up he got a puncture and was having trouble changing the wheel, he got the car jacked up no problem but couldnt get the hub cap off.

The girl was watching his efforts our the car window and said " Would you like a screwdriver"

To which Hori replied "Might as well love I cant get this bloody hub cap off"

There had been a lot of breakins and theft in the area where Hori lived and someone suggested that he was the one responsible so one day a couple of cops turned up at Hori’s house to search the place for stolen property.

Now Hori liked to do a bit of woodwork and had a few tools and when the cops searched his room they found his tool box with hammer, saw, chisels, screwdrivers and a couple of tire leavers for fixing punctures on his truck.

Although the cops hadn’t found any stolen property they still wanted to take him in because of they said they had all the tools for breaking and entering.

Hori said “Well you had better arrest me for rape as well”

“You haven’t been doing that too” said the cop.

“No” said Hori “But I got all the gear”

Hori had a win on the horses and went to the pub with $100 in his pocket.

He woke up next morning with a beauty hangover and an empty pocket.

Back at the pub he asked the publicane if he had spent the whole 100 there the night before.

"You sure did said the publican you had a wonderful time singing, dancing and buying everyone drinks".

"Thank christ for that" said Hori "I though I might have lost it".

Hori had a win on the horses and went to the pub to celebrate.

Next morning he woke with a beauty hangover and an empty pocket so he went back to the pub and asked the publican.

"Did I really spend 500 bucks in here last night?"

"Yea" said the publican "You had a wonderful time you sang and danced and shouted the whole bar all night"

"Thank Christ for that" said Hori "I thought I might have lost it"

Hori's latest girlfriend is quite religious and he hadn't got very far with her.

So he took her up to the local beauty spot and asked her:

"Do you believe in the hereafter?"

"Oh yes" she said

That's good said Hori because if I don't get what I'm hear after you'll be hear after I'm gone.