Discipline For Children

[maturebrit]

If your 5 year old son is throwing tantrums about school it's not everyone elses fault it's yours as well. The question isn't what has everyone else done wrong for 5 years ...... the question is what have you been doing wrong all that time.

The first thing you did wrong in this story was not send him to school ..... it would have avoided all the rest of the problems after that.

Your 5 year old manipulated YOU.

I fail to see how a father being maipulated by his son due to his lack of fatherly parenting skills is a Thai discipline problem ....... It's YOUR fault and YOUR problem that you created.

Your 5 year old basicly tells you he is not going to school and you point fingers at everyone else ...... maybe thats the crux of the problem ....... ya think ?

Holy smokes, I misread the OP and didn't even realize until I saw your post and went back to read it...

The OP complains that his son was rewarded by the brother in law for not going to school...in fact the boy's father rewarded him for throwing a tantrum: the kid proved (not for the first or last time, I suspect) that throwing a tantrum works.

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Maybe you guys are vilifying OP a little prematurely. The particular story was not really explicitly spelled out. It may have been that he was trying to correct an action taken by the kid's mother when he wasn't present - at least that's how I took it. If mom already let him get away with it, then "go to your room and hit the books" sounds like a pretty fair punishment while you sort things out. So I'm not going to say that OP let his kid rule him, but it seems obvious that OP and mom do not see eye-to-eye on discipline.

exactly......while I am at work he manipulates people in the family...when I am home we bond superbly but he knows he cant get away with tantrums with me....Mom is a typical Thai who doesnt do anything to correct or educate him as to any wrong doings.... anyway some interesting comments some have merit.... some well.... your entitled to your opinions even if they are just assumptions ...cheers all

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[maturebrit]

son throwing a tantrum

I went ballistic

Children copy your behavior.

I went ballistic with the brother in law not the child. and to correct the previous idiot to said I should get to be a part of his life.... Listen carefully... I love this boy with all my heart and we have been thru hell with 2 yrs of Chemo for his Leukaemia and hes a super kid and he knows I love him but tries it on with the other family members because he knows he can manipulate them... mom included.. But hes good as gold....when I got home from work my son came to me and said sorry and he wont do it again.....

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[noob7]

hes a super kid and he knows I love him but tries it on with the other family members because he knows he can manipulate them... mom included.. But hes good as gold....when I got home from work my son came to me and said sorry and he wont do it again.....

Indeed, a super kid. Are you sure, he's only manipulating the other family members, Don Quixote de la Thailandia?

You know, what is mostly the problem, in discipline, with Thai kids?

The mother and her contacts to the rest of the family.

Discipline is not a common thing, to teach kids, in Thailand.

Would need some disciplined teacher, first, but a TV is the easier way!

But how should someone, never found discipline important at all, teach such headache stuff, in the first place?

Ever heard about anti-authoritarian education?

Here is the main hub for it!

[maturebrit]

hes a super kid and he knows I love him but tries it on with the other family members because he knows he can manipulate them... mom included.. But hes good as gold....when I got home from work my son came to me and said sorry and he wont do it again.....

Indeed, a super kid. Are you sure, he's only manipulating the other family members, Don Quixote de la Thailandia?

You know, what is mostly the problem, in discipline, with Thai kids?

The mother and her contacts to the rest of the family.

Discipline is not a common thing, to teach kids, in Thailand.

Would need some disciplined teacher, first, but a TV is the easier way!

But how should someone, never found discipline important at all, teach such headache stuff, in the first place?

Ever heard about anti-authoritarian education?

Here is the main hub for it!

I have 5 kids and the oldest is 27 he and I bonded and is my best mate and is also a parent with a young boy. We never fought. .. we didnt need to... listen and discuss the rights and wrongs.... the others get the same...but the youngest are exposed to a thai family that wont use the word NO....they cave in everytime

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[FritsSikkink]

son throwing a tantrum

I went ballistic

Children copy your behavior.

I went ballistic with the brother in law not the child. and to correct the previous idiot to said I should get to be a part of his life.... Listen carefully... I love this boy with all my heart and we have been thru hell with 2 yrs of Chemo for his Leukaemia and hes a super kid and he knows I love him but tries it on with the other family members because he knows he can manipulate them... mom included.. But hes good as gold....when I got home from work my son came to me and said sorry and he wont do it again.....

Sent from my GT-N7000 using Thaivisa Connect App

Children copy your behavior.

So if you go ballistic with other people the kid will think it is normal behavior.

[Boo]

by 5 he should be out of tantrum stage, at 5 they tend to just argue more as a form of reasoning.

My advice is to sit down & have a serious conversation with your wife & agree a plan of action for each scenario. What punishment or discipline will be actioned for any eventuality & stick to it.

This is what myself & my husband did once our son reached about 2 & started to express his temper & will. We agree on all actions & will back each other up. Our son is now 5 & apart from the odd gobbing off & stomping off feet is a well behaved & polite boy who does what he is told but also knows he will be treated the same by mum & dad & more importantly, fairly. After any punishment or discipline he is asked if he understands why he was punished & if he isn't sure (9 out of 10 he knows full well) one of us will explain to him.

5 years old is old enough to know right from wrong & old enough to follow instruction & reasoning.

The hardest part for you will be getting this across to your wife & having her practice it esp when other thai family are around.

[MrRealDeal]

If your 5 year old son is throwing tantrums about school it's not everyone elses fault it's yours as well. The question isn't what has everyone else done wrong for 5 years ...... the question is what have you been doing wrong all that time.

The first thing you did wrong in this story was not send him to school ..... it would have avoided all the rest of the problems after that.

Your 5 year old manipulated YOU.

I fail to see how a father being maipulated by his son due to his lack of fatherly parenting skills is a Thai discipline problem ....... It's YOUR fault and YOUR problem that you created.

Your 5 year old basicly tells you he is not going to school and you point fingers at everyone else ...... maybe thats the crux of the problem ....... ya think ?

Holy smokes, I misread the OP and didn't even realize until I saw your post and went back to read it...

The OP complains that his son was rewarded by the brother in law for not going to school...in fact the boy's father rewarded him for throwing a tantrum: the kid proved (not for the first or last time, I suspect) that throwing a tantrum works.

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Maybe you guys are vilifying OP a little prematurely. The particular story was not really explicitly spelled out. It may have been that he was trying to correct an action taken by the kid's mother when he wasn't present - at least that's how I took it. If mom already let him get away with it, then "go to your room and hit the books" sounds like a pretty fair punishment while you sort things out. So I'm not going to say that OP let his kid rule him, but it seems obvious that OP and mom do not see eye-to-eye on discipline.

exactly......while I am at work he manipulates people in the family...when I am home we bond superbly but he knows he cant get away with tantrums with me....Mom is a typical Thai who doesnt do anything to correct or educate him as to any wrong doings.... anyway some interesting comments some have merit.... some well.... your entitled to your opinions even if they are just assumptions ...cheers all

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That may very well be but it's contrairy to the way you wrote your story ....... You started by suggesting that you were listening to him throw a tantrum , which means you were there he was throwing a tantrum, and you were also there when the decision was made to let him stay home from school ........ All completly contrairy to your new updated information that he doesn't have and knows he cant get away with it when your there.

I don't really know which is true but your new explanation is completely contrairy to the way in which you told the origional story and thats not the fault of people reading it. .

"My wife was listening ...... and I said put him in his room ....... " Would indicate you were also listening and decided not to make him fo to school because he was throwing a tantrum. All that is completely opposite of ..... "he can't get away with tantrums with me "

Let me point out I'm not saying it's contrairy to the facts or what actually happened ...... I'm just saying it's contrairy to the way a sensible person would intrepret the origional story , you not being there and your wife calling you on the cell phone for example as an explanation, isn't something a sensible person would be thinking as the story was presented.

Edited January 5, 2013 by MrRealDeal

[WildChilli]

Op I fully understand

I'm suffering the similar issues

My wife let our daughter get away with way to many things at the age of nearly 4 years she's been the the boss for a long time

( my daughter knows if I say it !!! I MEAN IT )

She don't even try tantrums with me after the first attemt in a shop with me alone wanting some silly thing , I laughed and told her to get up from the floor

but she will puts the wife through dayly soap episodes worty of a Oscar for best acting

It's been a battle for me to get my dear softy wife to understand that our daughter is a lil Spoild brat

Who manipulates her ( the wife )

Its taken me 10 month of serius work with both wife and daughter to get the wife to see that all you have to do is basic discipline

You ask 1 or 2 times then get up and make it happen

tantrums = off to the naughty corner daughter just sitting on the floor outside her bedroom

(still same room as us )

but 2 - 5 minutes later tantrum gone with a I'm sorry i will be good now I won't cry anymore end of naughty for a few days

soft mom hard dad not easy being the Only one disciplining

Took 2 days to teach her to put her toys back in her room as in back on the shelves where they belong after playing with them

A job the wife was spending 15 minutes or more on dayly as toys would be dropped anywhere anytime

What happend was I asked her to clean up her toys she didn't and I said ok we let the toy truck pick them up and take them to toy jail

( toys where in boot of my car )

2 days later after having had a lil talk with my daughter and wife

I made a pretend call to toy jail on the phone and gave my daughter the phone and asked he to say that she would like her toys back and that she would. Clean up her toys every day

Helped my daughter put toys back bu showing her where they should be after pretending that the toy truck just made the delivery ( a passing truck perfect timing )

1 week later

Love it even the wife now understand how easy it can be to teach her

What is the easiest way to good behaviour

Finaly the wife is getting it hurayyyyy

Edited January 6, 2013 by WildChilli

[laislica]

Oh, how I can relate to WildChilli.

When the eldest was almost 5 she had a tantrum in Tesco, wanting sweets. Her Mum asked why she was behaving like this and if Daddy was here she would behave well?

The little one said "Oh, because Daddy means it!". Her Mum said "I could have knocked her block off".

So a few years later and....

Very many years ago in the UK our children's school was just a short walk up the road but they were never ready for school on time and it drove the wife crazy.

They were about 6 and 9 years old.

The wife would say I shall count to three and then take some action. But this became 1, 2, 2 and a half, nearly three etc.

I had a Day Off coming up and I told the children that I would walk them to school the next morning and that I would be at the front door at 8:45 and I would walk to school with or without them. I would not wait.

I said I would chat to the other parents and come home for a coffee. Then, when both I and the children were ready, I would walk them to school.

On arrival, we would go to the eldest's class room and she would have to explain to the teacher why she was late. We would then repeat this at the youngest's class room.

I said that their Mum would also be like this when she took them to school in future.

Needless to say, they were ready early and no problem after that.

Sure they tried it on but the wife stood her ground and said "Up to you then!".

From then on, the children were allowed to be responsible for arriving to any appointment on time.

They were never late for school or later college and work.

As to the toys: I threw a favourite doll out of the bedroom window into the front garden.

I hid it in the house later but she never got it back.

It was a hard lesson for the children as well as for us to see and endure their suffering but it was totally effective and never had to be repeated.

Current parenting seems to suggest that the best thing to do is to give in and let the children have/do what ever they want.

They are not taught to wait for anything and instant gratification is the new expectation from life.

Life is only easy whilst you have a benefactor who takes total care of you without you even having to ask.

May it last long through childhood but I believe that responsible parents will teach life lessons like, if you can't afford it, you can't have it.

Good things come to those who wait. etc.

[noob7]

Oh, how I can relate to WildChilli.

When the eldest was almost 5 she had a tantrum in Tesco, wanting sweets. Her Mum asked why she was behaving like this and if Daddy was here she would behave well?

The little one said "Oh, because Daddy means it!". Her Mum said "I could have knocked her block off".

So a few years later and....

Very many years ago in the UK our children's school was just a short walk up the road but they were never ready for school on time and it drove the wife crazy.

They were about 6 and 9 years old.

The wife would say I shall count to three and then take some action. But this became 1, 2, 2 and a half, nearly three etc.

I had a Day Off coming up and I told the children that I would walk them to school the next morning and that I would be at the front door at 8:45 and I would walk to school with or without them. I would not wait.

I said I would chat to the other parents and come home for a coffee. Then, when both I and the children were ready, I would walk them to school.

On arrival, we would go to the eldest's class room and she would have to explain to the teacher why she was late. We would then repeat this at the youngest's class room.

I said that their Mum would also be like this when she took them to school in future.

Needless to say, they were ready early and no problem after that.

Sure they tried it on but the wife stood her ground and said "Up to you then!".

From then on, the children were allowed to be responsible for arriving to any appointment on time.

They were never late for school or later college and work.

As to the toys: I threw a favourite doll out of the bedroom window into the front garden.

I hid it in the house later but she never got it back.

It was a hard lesson for the children as well as for us to see and endure their suffering but it was totally effective and never had to be repeated.

Current parenting seems to suggest that the best thing to do is to give in and let the children have/do what ever they want.

They are not taught to wait for anything and instant gratification is the new expectation from life.

Life is only easy whilst you have a benefactor who takes total care of you without you even having to ask.

May it last long through childhood but I believe that responsible parents will teach life lessons like, if you can't afford it, you can't have it.

Good things come to those who wait. etc.

Thailand, the main hub of

"Current parenting seems to suggest that the best thing to do is to give in and let the children have/do what ever they want.

They are not taught to wait for anything and instant gratification is the new expectation from life."

?

[cup-O-coffee]

son throwing a tantrum

I went ballistic

Children copy your behavior.

I went ballistic with the brother in law not the child. and to correct the previous idiot to said I should get to be a part of his life.... Listen carefully... I love this boy with all my heart and we have been thru hell with 2 yrs of Chemo for his Leukaemia and hes a super kid and he knows I love him but tries it on with the other family members because he knows he can manipulate them... mom included.. But hes good as gold....when I got home from work my son came to me and said sorry and he wont do it again.....

Sent from my GT-N7000 using Thaivisa Connect App

You are fighting a war. You are concerned about the development of your son and how he will turn out to be as a human being when he is a mature adult, yes? At least I am with my two year old son.

If I wrote of my problems as you did, I could copy and paste, less the bit about leukemia (my condolences on that). We are very similar in this and in total agreement on many things.

My son always calls my name. He always seeks me out when he is excited about something. I am his rock. I cannot explain but I know this. The depth of my level of (for lack of anything better to say) "love" for this little human being is the closest and deepest emotion and understanding of the meaning of that word I have ever experienced in my entire life. He is my life.

The Thai half I cannot change. I must accept. There are issues that I put my foot down on; such as the grandmother, aunties and his mom shoving a metaphorical tit in his mouth over every single hardship he experiences.

Some things I notice about the Thai way of upbringing amongst the women-folk:

Constant yapping around him

Never talking with him, but always yapping at him (several at a time)

Never getting down at his level and looking him in the eyes and speaking with him

Never listening to him

Never stopping what they are doing and holding him and giving him his daily dosage of love and affection

Constantly shoving food in his face and chasing him around with a bowl and spoon yapping at him to have another bite

At the slightest whine or cry, they descend on him like a flock of birds and begin yapping about his pain and fight over who gets to shove a tit in his mouth

Not being able to distinguish real pain from contrived pain to get a tit in his mouth

When I correct him, grandma is the first one there to literally try to get him out of my arms and put at metaphorical tit in his mouth; well, at least used to. She knows better now. She backs off when daddy enters the picture. If he isn't dying, bleeding or clearly experiencing a legitimate reaso for the fit, then he is talked down calmly. If he doesn't calm down, he is threatened with a nap. Only a few times I have swatted him on his nappy-padded bum. It worked. Within a few hours he always seeks me out for a hug and encouragement that I love him still. Incidentally, I literally get him to look me in the eyes a few times a day and I tell him how much I love him. I am the only one who does this.

I could go on, but the point is that now they all see what I was on about over the last two years.

He is a darling boy when I am around. He loves me the most. He seeks me out the most. I am the one whose name he utters the most. If I am out of his sight for more than an hours (sans school) he asks where "dada" is and comes looking for me.

He now cries out for grandma more than he does for mommy. Imagine my disgruntled muttering over this? I worry about his relationships with women when he matures, and intent on being there when he reaches the age of adolescence and begins to get indoctrinated with the Thai way of boy-girl relationships.

My vocal level never reaches a short curt increase with him unless he does wrong. When this does happen, not only is he all ears, but so are any Thai family members in the area. They know that god is speaking and that Hell and Death will swiftly come on the heels of his spoken word if his lovingkindness is tampered with in any way. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it is my way of facetiously saying that they know how much I love him and that they are to back off when I correct him.

The Thai half subject him to a constant cacophony of loud, irritating yapping that would drive a trained Navy Seal or Spetsnaz Commando to madness. He never listens to them anymore when they call his name as his senses are deadened to their yapping. They are amazed at how attentive he is to his daddy.

In the beginning I was the asshol_e. Now I am the sage. He is the only one among his cousins and peers who wais the adults, who apologizes, who asks politely, who shares, who gives away his things to others in need. He is not perfect, but he is noticeable among my Thai relatives.

Anyway... sorry for digressing. I guess the point of all of this is to encourage you to stay the course. You will lose a lot of battles, but if you let those slide off as collateral damage, and focus on the best you can do with all the love and good-hearted intent towards him, I believe that he will naturally choose your way, as I believe every little child naturally desires that way if provided that choice.

I truly believe that the character defects he gets from the Thai upbringing will be peeled off by his own choice as he ages, and sooner still if you are there to sit and talk with him about his past and his existing habits that bring him sorrow, confusion and shame. Having a father there as a friend, who knows every nook and cranny about you and who can listen and give counsel in a loving way makes all the difference between good choices and bad.

I think as he grows, you will find that he still loves his Thai half, but from a distance; as your half will show him more opportunity and bear more good fruit from the choices he makes when choosing your counsel over theirs. But there is the tough part; that you will have to let him freely choose eventually when he comes of age. I hope this helps and encourages you. You are not alone.

Edited January 7, 2013 by cup-O-coffee

[maturebrit]

son throwing a tantrum

I went ballistic

Children copy your behavior.

I went ballistic with the brother in law not the child. and to correct the previous idiot to said I should get to be a part of his life.... Listen carefully... I love this boy with all my heart and we have been thru hell with 2 yrs of Chemo for his Leukaemia and hes a super kid and he knows I love him but tries it on with the other family members because he knows he can manipulate them... mom included.. But hes good as gold....when I got home from work my son came to me and said sorry and he wont do it again.....

Sent from my GT-N7000 using Thaivisa Connect App

You are fighting a war. You are concerned about the development of your son and how he will turn out to be as a human being when he is a mature adult, yes? At least I am with my two year old son.

If I wrote of my problems as you did, I could copy and paste, less the bit about leukemia (my condolences on that). We are very similar in this and in total agreement on many things.

My son always calls my name. He always seeks me out when he is excited about something. I am his rock. I cannot explain but I know this. The depth of my level of (for lack of anything better to say) "love" for this little human being is the closest and deepest emotion and understanding of the meaning of that word I have ever experienced in my entire life. He is my life.

The Thai half I cannot change. I must accept. There are issues that I put my foot down on; such as the grandmother, aunties and his mom shoving a metaphorical tit in his mouth over every single hardship he experiences.

Some things I notice about the Thai way of upbringing amongst the women-folk:

Constant yapping around him

Never talking with him, but always yapping at him (several at a time)

Never getting down at his level and looking him in the eyes and speaking with him

Never listening to him

Never stopping what they are doing and holding him and giving him his daily dosage of love and affection

Constantly shoving food in his face and chasing him around with a bowl and spoon yapping at him to have another bite

At the slightest whine or cry, they descend on him like a flock of birds and begin yapping about his pain and fight over who gets to shove a tit in his mouth

Not being able to distinguish real pain from contrived pain to get a tit in his mouth

When I correct him, grandma is the first one there to literally try to get him out of my arms and put at metaphorical tit in his mouth; well, at least used to. She knows better now. She backs off when daddy enters the picture. If he isn't dying, bleeding or clearly experiencing a legitimate reaso for the fit, then he is talked down calmly. If he doesn't calm down, he is threatened with a nap. Only a few times I have swatted him on his nappy-padded bum. It worked. Within a few hours he always seeks me out for a hug and encouragement that I love him still. Incidentally, I literally get him to look me in the eyes a few times a day and I tell him how much I love him. I am the only one who does this.

I could go on, but the point is that now they all see what I was on about over the last two years.

He is a darling boy when I am around. He loves me the most. He seeks me out the most. I am the one whose name he utters the most. If I am out of his sight for more than an hours (sans school) he asks where "dada" is and comes looking for me.

He now cries out for grandma more than he does for mommy. Imagine my disgruntled muttering over this? I worry about his relationships with women when he matures, and intent on being there when he reaches the age of adolescence and begins to get indoctrinated with the Thai way of boy-girl relationships.

My vocal level never reaches a short curt increase with him unless he does wrong. When this does happen, not only is he all ears, but so are any Thai family members in the area. They know that god is speaking and that Hell and Death will swiftly come on the heels of his spoken word if his lovingkindness is tampered with in any way. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it is my way of facetiously saying that they know how much I love him and that they are to back off when I correct him.

The Thai half subject him to a constant cacophony of loud, irritating yapping that would drive a trained Navy Seal or Spetsnaz Commando to madness. He never listens to them anymore when they call his name as his senses are deadened to their yapping. They are amazed at how attentive he is to his daddy.

In the beginning I was the asshol_e. Now I am the sage. He is the only one among his cousins and peers who wais the adults, who apologizes, who asks politely, who shares, who gives away his things to others in need. He is not perfect, but he is noticeable among my Thai relatives.

Anyway... sorry for digressing. I guess the point of all of this is to encourage you to stay the course. You will lose a lot of battles, but if you let those slide off as collateral damage, and focus on the best you can do with all the love and good-hearted intent towards him, I believe that he will naturally choose your way, as I believe every little child naturally desires that way if provided that choice.

I truly believe that the character defects he gets from the Thai upbringing will be peeled off by his own choice as he ages, and sooner still if you are there to sit and talk with him about his past and his existing habits that bring him sorrow, confusion and shame. Having a father there as a friend, who knows every nook and cranny about you and who can listen and give counsel in a loving way makes all the difference between good choices and bad.

I think as he grows, you will find that he still loves his Thai half, but from a distance; as your half will show him more opportunity and bear more good fruit from the choices he makes when choosing your counsel over theirs. But there is the tough part; that you will have to let him freely choose eventually when he comes of age. I hope this helps and encourages you. You are not alone.

cheers.... i enjoyed reading your comment

Sent from my GT-N7000 using Thaivisa Connect App

[cup-O-coffee]

son throwing a tantrum

I went ballistic

Children copy your behavior.

I went ballistic with the brother in law not the child. and to correct the previous idiot to said I should get to be a part of his life.... Listen carefully... I love this boy with all my heart and we have been thru hell with 2 yrs of Chemo for his Leukaemia and hes a super kid and he knows I love him but tries it on with the other family members because he knows he can manipulate them... mom included.. But hes good as gold....when I got home from work my son came to me and said sorry and he wont do it again.....

Sent from my GT-N7000 using Thaivisa Connect App

You are fighting a war. You are concerned about the development of your son and how he will turn out to be as a human being when he is a mature adult, yes? At least I am with my two year old son.

If I wrote of my problems as you did, I could copy and paste, less the bit about leukemia (my condolences on that). We are very similar in this and in total agreement on many things.

My son always calls my name. He always seeks me out when he is excited about something. I am his rock. I cannot explain but I know this. The depth of my level of (for lack of anything better to say) "love" for this little human being is the closest and deepest emotion and understanding of the meaning of that word I have ever experienced in my entire life. He is my life.

The Thai half I cannot change. I must accept. There are issues that I put my foot down on; such as the grandmother, aunties and his mom shoving a metaphorical tit in his mouth over every single hardship he experiences.

Some things I notice about the Thai way of upbringing amongst the women-folk:

Constant yapping around him

Never talking with him, but always yapping at him (several at a time)

Never getting down at his level and looking him in the eyes and speaking with him

Never listening to him

Never stopping what they are doing and holding him and giving him his daily dosage of love and affection

Constantly shoving food in his face and chasing him around with a bowl and spoon yapping at him to have another bite

At the slightest whine or cry, they descend on him like a flock of birds and begin yapping about his pain and fight over who gets to shove a tit in his mouth

Not being able to distinguish real pain from contrived pain to get a tit in his mouth

When I correct him, grandma is the first one there to literally try to get him out of my arms and put at metaphorical tit in his mouth; well, at least used to. She knows better now. She backs off when daddy enters the picture. If he isn't dying, bleeding or clearly experiencing a legitimate reaso for the fit, then he is talked down calmly. If he doesn't calm down, he is threatened with a nap. Only a few times I have swatted him on his nappy-padded bum. It worked. Within a few hours he always seeks me out for a hug and encouragement that I love him still. Incidentally, I literally get him to look me in the eyes a few times a day and I tell him how much I love him. I am the only one who does this.

I could go on, but the point is that now they all see what I was on about over the last two years.

He is a darling boy when I am around. He loves me the most. He seeks me out the most. I am the one whose name he utters the most. If I am out of his sight for more than an hours (sans school) he asks where "dada" is and comes looking for me.

He now cries out for grandma more than he does for mommy. Imagine my disgruntled muttering over this? I worry about his relationships with women when he matures, and intent on being there when he reaches the age of adolescence and begins to get indoctrinated with the Thai way of boy-girl relationships.

My vocal level never reaches a short curt increase with him unless he does wrong. When this does happen, not only is he all ears, but so are any Thai family members in the area. They know that god is speaking and that Hell and Death will swiftly come on the heels of his spoken word if his lovingkindness is tampered with in any way. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it is my way of facetiously saying that they know how much I love him and that they are to back off when I correct him.

The Thai half subject him to a constant cacophony of loud, irritating yapping that would drive a trained Navy Seal or Spetsnaz Commando to madness. He never listens to them anymore when they call his name as his senses are deadened to their yapping. They are amazed at how attentive he is to his daddy.

In the beginning I was the asshol_e. Now I am the sage. He is the only one among his cousins and peers who wais the adults, who apologizes, who asks politely, who shares, who gives away his things to others in need. He is not perfect, but he is noticeable among my Thai relatives.

Anyway... sorry for digressing. I guess the point of all of this is to encourage you to stay the course. You will lose a lot of battles, but if you let those slide off as collateral damage, and focus on the best you can do with all the love and good-hearted intent towards him, I believe that he will naturally choose your way, as I believe every little child naturally desires that way if provided that choice.

I truly believe that the character defects he gets from the Thai upbringing will be peeled off by his own choice as he ages, and sooner still if you are there to sit and talk with him about his past and his existing habits that bring him sorrow, confusion and shame. Having a father there as a friend, who knows every nook and cranny about you and who can listen and give counsel in a loving way makes all the difference between good choices and bad.

I think as he grows, you will find that he still loves his Thai half, but from a distance; as your half will show him more opportunity and bear more good fruit from the choices he makes when choosing your counsel over theirs. But there is the tough part; that you will have to let him freely choose eventually when he comes of age. I hope this helps and encourages you. You are not alone.

cheers.... i enjoyed reading your comment

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No problem. Sometimes I feel like the master and commander of the high seas and cannot leave the wheel for fear that all will flounder. It's a rough road you and I chose, but our sons will indeed appreciate it one day. Dad's like us are pretty rare and frequently unappreciated. Our joy. much like the hard working farmer, is in the certainty that the future crop will flourish from our hard work, careful pruning and the experience we draw upon from our own past. Keep that eye contact going and it rarely goes awry.

The average parent spends less than 15 seconds per day in close interpersonal communication and contact with their child.