Best And Worst Experience Of Integrating Thai & Falang

[MrHammer]

I've personally learned a lot from Thais in how to give exceptional service in the hospitality business and just in general. One area I think Thailand is truly world class in. It is a problem though, since I know have a hard time accepting sub-par service in western hotels.

A more important question though: Do you get superstar treatment in Thailand being an attractive mixed female? (no whiteknight)

I'd like to think that mixed Asian-western kids are going to be the bridgebuilders between the East and the West in the coming new world order,

[rene123]

Thankyou for the added information, Poo Ying FeFe. When I was growing up there was a LOT of anti-gay sentiment in Canada, but today it's almost totally absent in any circle that I travel in. I think that is one of the beauties of coming to Asia where the culture is so much different. You can't help but change to a more understanding person. You see the differences all around you and after a while they become commonplace. The people I associate with are mostly nice people and even when we get into deep discussions you learn something of their background and how they have changed for the better since coming to Thailand.

[pattayadingo]

The worst would be the scammers, liars and dodgy shopkeepers / market stall holders who love to scam and / or rip you off every chance they get.

That's easily remedied. Just shop at places that have fixed, clearly displayed prices.

I don't think the market stalls have anything that major retailers don't have these days, surely?

Easier said than done. Besides, I like to root around through markets and often they have more items for sale than do shops and often a lot cheaper. Especially in the food and clothing lines. How often do you see coconut desserts in a large shop, for example?

My remedy is knowledge of prices here gleaned from being here a long time and then when a market holder wants an extra 25% I simply shake my head and walk away.

[NewlyMintedThai]

Well, the nature of market stalls is that you haggle. Maybe you should try bargaining in a friendly manner rather than walking away. That's what Thai people do.

Anyway, don't want to hijack the thread.

[MegaRanter]

best was the thirteen years I roamed the entire country and my little prince,

worst is when it was time to get out of dodge. Now when I visit it doesnt hold the same appeal.

[OxfordWill]

In terms of partial integration, my best experience is being accepted for who and what I am, i.e. a young white english guy, by older and other Thai people who appreciate the effort I make to behave politely in a Thai sense of the word (and speak the language). Then also that these people will help me, be kind to me, have my back and genuinely seem to care about me (and I them). This is a warm feeling and necessary to any life, no?

The worst experience would be along the same lines; the realisation that even if I lived here the rest of my life, had a Thai family, with half Thai kids, spoke and read/wrote Thai fluently, gained Thai citizenship one day, contributed everything I could to Thailand, I would still never integrate into Thai society and will always have been farang.

However, I am not so sure this is a bad thing, ultimately. Riding the line between both cultures allows you to benefit from both sides, yet it does this while simultaneously preventing you from ever feeling totally "at home". The realisation I have spent all my adult life in a country not of my birth results in feeling at home neither in England nor in Thailand.. and therein lies the rub.

I remain therefore very comfortably lost, a sensation that grows with each year I live here. I am uncertain where it ends and how that might feel.

Edited January 4, 2013 by OxfordWill

[rct99q]

Worst - Dream (ladyboy) who sits in the third row near the back of the class who makes my life a living nightmare with his/her antics.

Best - Dream (ladyboy) who sits in the third row near the back of the class who makes me and everyone else laugh endlessly with his/her antics.

[wildorchid]

best i can meet my farang husband we have started a small business together, and he love's his thai family, and they love him, he keeps his culture but also embraces thai culture, as do i with his family, they have showen me love and support as a member of the family.

worst his friends at work in australia say all thai lady's are only prostitute, your thai wife will emty your bank you will be skinny and no money to eat and return too australia in 6 months and crying please can i have my old job back!!!! but my husband he has alredy lived in thailand for 2 years now and he still has money for food and beer and more pumpui (FAT) then before hehehehe;-)

another story from my friend she is a nurse, she came to visit her b/f who is (thai) and his family has a business a thai resterent in scottland she came to help to work,

worst an empolyee (falang lady) of the resterent thinks my friend is a new worker and she asked my friend where is thailand in the world map? AHH,

i know it's the capital of prostitute's so are you a prostitute or what???

best my friend said to her, look at me closely, tomorrow you and all of your family will be unemployed, I have a greater education than you,,, I finished uni and studied nursing, and you are a small shop worker,,, just because you are white dose not make you better, same as because i am another race dose not make me better, when we all can learn to see what we are then maybe peace can finaly come to this world!!!

[Poo Ying FeFe]

best i can meet my farang husband we have started a small business together, and he love's his thai family, and they love him, he keeps his culture but also embraces thai culture, as do i with his family, they have showen me love and support as a member of the family.

worst his friends at work in australia say all thai lady's are only prostitute, your thai wife will emty your bank you will be skinny and no money to eat and return too australia in 6 months and crying please can i have my old job back!!!! but my husband he has alredy lived in thailand for 2 years now and he still has money for food and beer and more pumpui (FAT) then before hehehehe;-)

another story from my friend she is a nurse, she came to visit her b/f who is (thai) and his family has a business a thai resterent in scottland she came to help to work,

worst an empolyee (falang lady) of the resterent thinks my friend is a new worker and she asked my friend where is thailand in the world map? AHH,

i know it's the capital of prostitute's so are you a prostitute or what???

best my friend said to her, look at me closely, tomorrow you and all of your family will be unemployed, I have a greater education than you,,, I finished uni and studied nursing, and you are a small shop worker,,, just because you are white dose not make you better, same as because i am another race dose not make me better, when we all can learn to see what we are then maybe peace can finaly come to this world!!!

I wish your family even more love & luck in 2013! My Mother and Father celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary not long ago. They are my rock.

Edited January 4, 2013 by Poo Ying FeFe

[Rsquared]

@ wildorchid.......great post.

It is so refreshing to read from a Thai perspective.

Thank You.

[rene123]

I actually feel sad for narrow minded people who are racist, grumpy or mean. That is their problem and they have to deal with it every day. I make a choice to be happy and it works. The more I concentrate on being thankful for what I have, the better I feel. I understand that there are a lot of miserable, bad people in this world. I just choose not to associate with them. Central Africa is a total disaster of unrest and violence. They've carried on their century old traditions of war and fighting, only now with modern weapons. By contrast, Thailand has never been colonized and it is relatively stable. Certainly there is coruption, but what country doesn't have it at the highest levels? In the small Thai villages I've visited I've met only nice, simple people. Maybe they are uneducated by world standards, but they are pleasant to be around if you treat them with affection and a smile. The children all seem happy with the simplest of pleasures.

[barky]

Fe Fe, could you please explain, exactly how weterners (who dont have the benefit of a Thai parent and all the obvious advantages that flow from that) are "integrated" into Thai society.

When I say integrated, I mean how a person from a western country (eg: N.Z. Aus. USA. Canada.Norway.Switzerland.UK etc) would understand it to be.

To be absolutely honest I've not seen any real, tangible, feel-at-home, feel as though you are a part of the general society kind of evidence.

[barky]

In terms of partial integration, my best experience is being accepted for who and what I am, i.e. a young white english guy, by older and other Thai people who appreciate the effort I make to behave politely in a Thai sense of the word (and speak the language). Then also that these people will help me, be kind to me, have my back and genuinely seem to care about me (and I them). This is a warm feeling and necessary to any life, no?

The worst experience would be along the same lines; the realisation that even if I lived here the rest of my life, had a Thai family, with half Thai kids, spoke and read/wrote Thai fluently, gained Thai citizenship one day, contributed everything I could to Thailand, I would still never integrate into Thai society and will always have been farang.

However, I am not so sure this is a bad thing, ultimately. Riding the line between both cultures allows you to benefit from both sides, yet it does this while simultaneously preventing you from ever feeling totally "at home". The realisation I have spent all my adult life in a country not of my birth results in feeling at home neither in England nor in Thailand.. and therein lies the rub.

I remain therefore very comfortably lost, a sensation that grows with each year I live here. I am uncertain where it ends and how that might feel.

Wow oxfordWill, this pretty well sums it up for me too.

[JurgenG]

Good 1 : to integrate an other culture really opened my mind to the facts that other realities exist parallel to mine and that there are different ways, all equals, to go to the same place. Professionally, it helps me to navigate inside an international company, and more generally in a more and more open world.

Good 2 : As a foreigner, to be a "weirdo" is accepted, almost expected. So I am able to cherry pick the customs I like to follow and ignore others under the pretext that "in my country we don't do like that". People from my home place would be very surprised to learn the way we do certain things back home .

Bad : Very difficult to re-integrate my original culture. I feel sometime like a stranger with my childhood friends, it hurts sometime when I go back home and I don't fit with my old gang.

[barky]

Worst

Farang who can't be bothered to appreciate and learn from there host country.

Best

Those Farang that can be bothered and reap great benefits from the experience.

Collins Dictionary quotes: "host" the person who has invited guests and provides food, drink, and entertainment....provides facilities.

I came here of my own volition, I stay of my own volition and I pay for everything I use or consume....I do not, as others do feel they have/need to ingratiate themselves to Thais/Thailand.

Having said that, I do agree that I have learnt a lot from Thais...some of it good and positive...a lot of it bad and negative.

[Poo Ying FeFe]

Barty, sorry I'm not sure how to answer your question. I can only speak from my own experience.

[naboo]

Barky, how do you feel about foreigners who come to your own country and don't feel any need to integrate into your culture?

I know in my country there is great resentment to these people.

[rene123]

Barky, how do you feel about foreigners who come to your own country and don't feel any need to integrate into your culture?

I know in my country there is great resentment to these people.

That is somewhat true, but it all depends on the foreigners and how they act. The ones that only mix with their own group, seldom follow local laws and are always looking for a handout are the ones that are resented.

[Roadman]

Worst: The confusion arising with language misunderstandings.

Best: The fun, commitment, respect, love and caring that is easily given back from both my partner and step daughters for no more than showing them the same.

PS to OP. Always put worst first. That way all your dealings especially with those of everyday importance can close on the happier bests.

[manly100]

best = being able to live in thailand.

worst = having nightmares that i'm still back home and its all been a dream.

[barky]

Barky, how do you feel about foreigners who come to your own country and don't feel any need to integrate into your culture?

I know in my country there is great resentment to these people.

A good question.

In "my country" , they don't have to integrate. They are not forced to. And, importantly there is no social backlash from locals if visitors/new arrivals don't follow social norms and traditions and etiquette. They are not preyed upon. They are not seen as an object to poke fun at or scam or in some way take an advantage of. They ARE protected by the full power of the law fairly and without bias!!

Every opportunity is given to them to feel at home. In fact, lots of tax-payer money is regularly given to ethnic organisations to preserve their own culture whilst living in there. As soon as they arrive, they are afforded many rights and privillages immediately such as buying land and houses, owning businesses 100% in their own name, being charged exactly the same price for everything no matter where they go. And then after a comparatively brief period of qualifing, they are given all the rights of a "born and bred" local.

True, a small percentage of people may resent them, but this minority usually have enough consideration to keep their views to themselves and not display their resentment via racist comment and xenophobic behaviour as many people do here (and worse, here in Thailand, this open resentment is NOT seen as a social/racial slur)

[NewlyMintedThai]

I'd like to know where this paradise of a tolerant country is.

I know it's not the one I come from (the US), and I know it's not the UK (which reported 30,000 race-based hate crimes in 2011).

[chonabot]

best my friend said to her, look at me closely, tomorrow you and all of your family will be unemployed, I have a greater education than you,,, I finished uni and studied nursing, and you are a small shop worker,,, just because you are white dose not make you better, same as because i am another race dose not make me better, when we all can learn to see what we are then maybe peace can finaly come to this world!!!

Excellent response to a small minded idiot - my wife also encountered similar bigotry from some co-workers in the UK - Made me smile - Thanks

[aTomsLife]

Best: Through interacting with the language, acquiring a new vantage point from which to observe the world. For example, the simple difference in perception between cultures regarding the the meaning of "understand/ kow-jai". I largely considered this word a cerebral action, whereas in Thai it translates literally to 'enter the heart'.

Worst: Realizing the subjective nature of morality. In short, Thais aren't the devout Buddhists I hoped they'd be (just as Gandhi once remarked how Christians are so unlike their Christ).

Edited January 5, 2013 by aTomsLife

[Heng]

The worst cases are the guys who get their homes here sold out from under their feet without their knowledge while thinking they have 'settled' here. It's partucularly disturbing when it's elderly foreigners. Sure, it happens to locals too, but they typically still have family close by for support.

[NewlyMintedThai]

The worst cases are the guys who get their homes here sold out from under their feet without their knowledge while thinking they have 'settled' here. It's partucularly disturbing when it's elderly foreigners. Sure, it happens to locals too, but they typically still have family close by for support.

Well, they're not "their" homes are they?

[NeverSure]

Best: Many of the women are really beautiful and the good ones can't be beat for how you're treated.

Worst: While each of us has his own opinion, I've failed to find one who doesn't expect help supporting the extended family. I think I've learned that they get more credit for the next life if they put family first? ?? Even the very best, most highly educated ones I've met and I mean every.single.one is spending a large part of her paycheck on her family. My favorite signed and is paying a mortgage for a house for her parents. Yet she lives with her parents because she now can't afford even an apartment for herself. She has a masters degree, is 38, and has put off having her own life in favor of her parents.

Her idea of getting a farang isn't a scam. She's a good girl, not a scammer. It's upfront. It's her honest idea of what would happen. The farang would pay off that mortgage for the parents, allow her to continue giving the larger part of her government salary to her family, and then build a home for her and a new family and pay the bills. She simply has some idea that every farang is rich and that would be the normal way.

Bottom line is that my best experience in "integrating" was to have girlfriends, not get married, not buy property, and pay only what I wanted to or hit the road. Sorry.

[Whidbeyboy]

And where ? may I ask was this very "White" town just outside of London???

Not much privacy in a small town, so it's understandable why some might not want to be too specific. Please just answer the OP or read something else. No need to derail a topic nitpicking about semantics.

I can see why the question. I grew up in a basically all white town too, and this would have never happened. The implication of "white" town = racist town, just sounds racist to me. Ironic,eh? I didn't know racism until I left my town, and it came from the people of color.

Aside from that my best experince was riding my moped around a twon that was full of very yellow people, my worst was riding one into the open barfull speed by mistake. Luckly it was empty and I only took out a few tables. The yellow town people were nice about it.

[blazes]

Barky, how do you feel about foreigners who come to your own country and don't feel any need to integrate into your culture?

I know in my country there is great resentment to these people.

A good question.

In "my country" , they don't have to integrate. They are not forced to. And, importantly there is no social backlash from locals if visitors/new arrivals don't follow social norms and traditions and etiquette. They are not preyed upon. They are not seen as an object to poke fun at or scam or in some way take an advantage of. They ARE protected by the full power of the law fairly and without bias!!

Every opportunity is given to them to feel at home. In fact, lots of tax-payer money is regularly given to ethnic organisations to preserve their own culture whilst living in there. As soon as they arrive, they are afforded many rights and privillages immediately such as buying land and houses, owning businesses 100% in their own name, being charged exactly the same price for everything no matter where they go. And then after a comparatively brief period of qualifing, they are given all the rights of a "born and bred" local.

True, a small percentage of people may resent them, but this minority usually have enough consideration to keep their views to themselves and not display their resentment via racist comment and xenophobic behaviour as many people do here (and worse, here in Thailand, this open resentment is NOT seen as a social/racial slur)

Oh dear, this sounds like good ol' Canada, home to all the extremists of the whole world. God knows how the country survives (socially, as opposed to economically).

In the 1990s, when Hong Kong was being emptied of its rich folk before the handover, Vancouver changed its name to Hongcouver.

[dapsolapsalai]

And where ? may I ask was this very "White" town just outside of London???

there are quite a lot to choose from, St.Albans, Kingston, Camberely, East Grinstead, Tring, Sawbridgeworth, Farnham, Braintree, Canterbury, Fleet, Bromely......I could go on