Don't Tell Mates The Thai Truth

[TommoPhysicist]

The problem with Thai / Farang relationships is the vast majority are started with no foundation whatsoever Things you would normally associate with the beginnings of a relationship are simply not possible. Intellegent conversation , mutual understanding , in depth discussions of life , shared interests Soul mates who can bond and develop. It just isn't possibe. Her standard is nothing more than you having a good heart and money. You're ONE in a million , not ONE of a million. If it wasn't you the next farang would do irrespective of looks , age or intellegence. Don't be shocked if it doesn't work.

I don't agree.

In the west relationships start with conversation, if the conversation was mutually satisfying it may lead to sex.

In Thailand relationships start with sex, if the sex was mutually satisfying it may lead to conversation.

Who is to say which way is best, for myself I rather enjoy the early sex, conversations I can have with my mates anytime.

[Kilgore Trout]

hmmmm ... in my family we have italians , irish , scots , japs , thais , greeks , nigerians, germans , aussies , jews , indigenous austrailans and we all get along fine ....how about you ? any black people in your family ?

Well said, quite a United Nations in the family. Hopefully, there is no second amendment which allows people to go out to shoot everyone they cannot sue.

No, just tazmanians with assualt rifles

[nanapong]

The problem with Thai / Farang relationships is the vast majority are started with no foundation whatsoever Things you would normally associate with the beginnings of a relationship are simply not possible. Intellegent conversation , mutual understanding , in depth discussions of life , shared interests Soul mates who can bond and develop. It just isn't possibe. Her standard is nothing more than you having a good heart and money. You're ONE in a million , not ONE of a million. If it wasn't you the next farang would do irrespective of looks , age or intellegence. Don't be shocked if it doesn't work.

I don't agree.

In the west relationships start with conversation, if the conversation was mutually satisfying it may lead to sex.

In Thailand relationships start with sex, if the sex was mutually satisfying it may lead to conversation.

Who is to say which way is best, for myself I rather enjoy the early sex, conversations I can have with my mates anytime.

Well as i read your first paragraph you do agree. I must say i also enjoy the early sex. The conversation it may lead too will be a trifle limited so i tend to get them out the door asap. As far as telling a mate if i knew his woman was a slapper. Yes i would. He can easily get another.

[rct99q]

To tell or not tell.......

No - if you are one of the men having a go with your mates wife

Yes - if there is absolutely no proof to be found that can link you having a go with your mates wife

[55Jay]

so why did u make it so clear u are from the South ? do u dislike Nth Americans ? the rest of the world has woken up to the double standards of your wonderful democratic country ( puk) ..... my statement was correct in my country we call Americans from the Nth or Sth ..Yanks ...it is not said in a derogatory way its slang ...like ozzie , kiwi , pommie ... .. i dont usually warm to Yanks is my own personal feeling ...u can agree or disagree but dont say its stupid...

I most certainly will say its stupid.

Saying you dont warm to someone because of their nationality or race is stupid. Bigotry is stupid and you have shown yourself to be a bigot.

Clear?

Btw, using yank for americans is just as stupid as saying everyone from the uk is english.

Call a scot english and see what reaction you get

Sent from my GT-S5660 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Do you mean you don't warm to Yanks as in you don't generally like them or you don't "warm" to the term Yank?

I'm confused because later you said you were an (African) American, unless you consider yourself more African than American. It is, however, not lost on me that one can be an American and, in general, not like Americans. I get that everytime I see FOX News. LOL.

[55Jay]

hmmmm ... in my family we have italians , irish , scots , japs , thais , greeks , nigerians, germans , aussies , jews , indigenous austrailans and we all get along fine ....how about you ? any black people in your family ?

I am an african american

When do African Americans just become American, like the rest of of the country. Jim

Wait out! I'm still lobbying US Congress to establish a Lithuanian/Scot/German/Canadian holiday.

[cdmtdm]

55Jay...read my post 32 ... that is what upset my mexican friend

[jamescollister]

hmmmm ... in my family we have italians , irish , scots , japs , thais , greeks , nigerians, germans , aussies , jews , indigenous austrailans and we all get along fine ....how about you ? any black people in your family ?

I am an african american

When do African Americans just become American, like the rest of of the country. Jim

Wait out! I'm still lobbying US Congress to establish a Lithuanian/Scot/German/Canadian holiday.

Strange, lived in the UK blacks always classed themselves as Afro Caribbean. As soon as they left the country they became British. Same with Pakistanis and Indians, minorities want to be minorities when it pays, as soon as it becomes a disadvantage change comes fast. Jim

[55Jay]

so why did u make it so clear u are from the South ? do u dislike Nth Americans ? the rest of the world has woken up to the double standards of your wonderful democratic country ( puk) ..... my statement was correct in my country we call Americans from the Nth or Sth ..Yanks ...it is not said in a derogatory way its slang ...like ozzie , kiwi , pommie ... .. i dont usually warm to Yanks is my own personal feeling ...u can agree or disagree but dont say its stupid...

I most certainly will say its stupid.

Saying you dont warm to someone because of their nationality or race is stupid. Bigotry is stupid and you have shown yourself to be a bigot.

Clear?

Btw, using yank for americans is just as stupid as saying everyone from the uk is english.

Call a scot english and see what reaction you get

Sent from my GT-S5660 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Do you mean you don't warm to Yanks as in you don't generally like them or you don't "warm" to the term Yank?

I'm confused because later you said you were an (African) American, unless you consider yourself more African than American. It is, however, not lost on me that one can be an American and, in general, not like Americans. I get that everytime I see FOX News. LOL.

Disregard KT, I see now you were quoting another's statement, just without using the quote box.

[khaowong1]

I had a Canadian friend who lived down the block.. He went back and forth working in Canada.. His wife had a boyfriend she spent his money on while he was gone, acually married the Thai boyfriend using my Canadian friends money for the ceremony.. The Canadian and I spent a lot of time together when he was in town. Playing golf, sight seeing etc. His wife was a cousin to my girlfriend. I told the guy what was happening about two years into this mess. He was just retiring and was getting ready to buy her and him a house. My girlfriends family went ballastic when I told him.

He bailed out and about a year later found a really nice wife.. They now have a coconut farm down past Hua Hin somewhere.

I will never regret telling him.. Even though I ended up losing my girlfriend over this.. big deal.

If your a good friend, telling bad news should never be a problem.

[Geekfreaklover]

I have an Austalian mate who married a Thai girl who also used to work for my company. She was constantly chatting to farang guys on dating websites. She used to disappear to Bangkok to 'see family'. My mate works back in Aus for six months of a year. One year he comes to Thailand. After two weeks she goes to the doctors, is told by the doctor she is six weeks pregnant. He has only been in town two weeks. Soon after the baby is born she divorces him. He pays money each month and comes to visit the child. The child isn't his. He loves the child. It's impossible. I told him. He doesn't believe me. Tells me he 'knew the moment' he made her pregnant blah blah blah.

She never worked in a bar, so he thinks she is honest.

She probably has at least two other farang paying for that child.

Money that goes straight into her pocket.

TIT.

[manarak]

Maybe the best way to handle this is to "arrange" for the mate to "coincidentially" find out about his wife with no chance to guess who arranged for the truth to come out.

[ppmacready]

Which is more important to you:

Having him talk to you.

Or possibly save him from losing 2m in a house (plus probably a lot more financially, emotionally, and possibly physically)

?

The idea of sitting back and watching a mate of 10 years lose his house and everything else because you still wanted him to be a mate is beyond comprehension.

I think you need to look at yourself mate.

I have lived here very happily for 17 years.

I use to spend hours wising up guys and handing out advise.

But I have learnt guys, even my best friend, have to learn the hard way.

You can give him a verbal warning but she is much better at ORAL than you are!

If they were a door mat in there own country, they most certainly will be here!

The only advise I give out now is-

You only need to ask yourself 2 questions.

Are you happy and can you afford her?

If he replys '' shes special and never worked in a bar before'' -

Same 2 questions!

[Gary A]

I'm always surprised with the bar girl warnings. A woman is a woman and what man knows how their minds work. Three of my friends married bar girls and all three have been married more than ten years. I married a university graduate. She turned out to have a gambling problem and who knows what she did to earn gambling money. She took my ATM card while I was sleeping, went to the ATM and stole money. That was the end.

The most mercenary girlfriend I ever had had never been in a bar in her life and wouldn't go in any bar with me. After nine months with her, I couldn't get her out of my apartment so I moved out.

[TommoPhysicist]

I'm always surprised with the bar girl warnings. A woman is a woman and what man knows how their minds work. Three of my friends married bar girls and all three have been married more than ten years. I married a university graduate. She turned out to have a gambling problem and who knows what she did to earn gambling money. She took my ATM card while I was sleeping, went to the ATM and stole money. That was the end.

The most mercenary girlfriend I ever had had never been in a bar in her life and wouldn't go in any bar with me. After nine months with her, I couldn't get her out of my apartment so I moved out.

I'm with you on this one, occupation and educational level is no indication of character.

(for men or women of whatever nationality)

Edited February 13, 2013 by TommoPhysicist

[NeverSure]

i am very happy the OP posted this, as i have been dwelling on how to vent what has just recently happened to me ..first off yes u did the right thing 100% ...

I recently had the same scenario but as fate would have it , i did not get to tell my friend the truth ...he was an American and worked on deep sea fishing boats , i dont warm to yanks generally but he was a good guy , anyway he had been in a relationship with my wifes girlfriend for nearly a year , he came back and forth every few months , meanwhile she had a restaurant and worked away at that , we frequented the place while he was away and most of the time everything seemed normal , she spoke of her love for him and showed of the gold and goodies he purchased for her , they apparently planned to marry buy land on the island etc etc ... anyway my wife spotted a Thai guy floating around more and more at the restaurant , when questioned she dismissed it as an old friend , meanwhile my wife returned to the farm and i stayed alone and continued to eat there , i watched her become more familiar with tourists ,it began to puzzle me why would she do this ? she has a business , money , a good guy and a future ... then one night i was sitting alone and an english guy asked to join me at the table , on holidays he had met the lady in question a month prior and had been living with her for two weeks ...i thought <deleted> ,,,, i was polite finished and left the place , rang my wife told her , she could not believe it .... when she rang and questioned her the next day it was denial denial denial....... anyway i decided when he came i would tell him the truth ... so as it turned out the day he arrived i flew out , i waved to him and told him i would return in two weeks , that week a party was held at the restaurant to celebrate one year of business , he got smashed beyond belief ,rode his scooter home alone and collided driving on the wrong side of the road with two Thais on another scooter , he died instantly , one of the Thai also died , the other is basically disabled for life ... i cannot condone anyone drinking and driving and killing innocent people .... however at the party he found out about his love cheating on him not just with one guy , but with 4 !!!! that would tip anyone over the edge ... the cold hearted bitch carried on life as usual with the odd crocodile tear , but one by one her friends deserted her as did we ... the crunch came for me when the guy from england contacted me on FB ... shortly after the event .. i asked him ..hey do u realise what has happened over here with your female friend ? he said no , i spoke with her on the phone yesterday and she seemed fine ..so i told him the truth ... i hunted down the other 3 and told them the same ... the sad thing is his body remained unclaimed and was cremated at the temple and she did not even attend ... i hate to say this but please guys when it comes to Thai ladies enter at your own risk ..this caused a huge trust issue in my own relationship and things may never be the same ... i feel very sad not too have told him, but i figured it was better face to face, i just did not get the chance .... anyway thats my story ..i have much more to add but why bore u ...

Nice story but "I generally do.t warm to yanks"

What a stupid thing to say

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sorry if your a yank but its the truth..... so whats stupid about the truth ?

All a Yank would have to do to learn about the nasty attitudes on the other side is to visit this forum. There are just sooooooooo many really sweet people from the other 'better' countries, obviously.

[NeverSure]

i am very happy the OP posted this, as i have been dwelling on how to vent what has just recently happened to me ..first off yes u did the right thing 100% ...

I recently had the same scenario but as fate would have it , i did not get to tell my friend the truth ...he was an American and worked on deep sea fishing boats , i dont warm to yanks generally but he was a good guy , anyway he had been in a relationship with my wifes girlfriend for nearly a year , he came back and forth every few months , meanwhile she had a restaurant and worked away at that , we frequented the place while he was away and most of the time everything seemed normal , she spoke of her love for him and showed of the gold and goodies he purchased for her , they apparently planned to marry buy land on the island etc etc ... anyway my wife spotted a Thai guy floating around more and more at the restaurant , when questioned she dismissed it as an old friend , meanwhile my wife returned to the farm and i stayed alone and continued to eat there , i watched her become more familiar with tourists ,it began to puzzle me why would she do this ? she has a business , money , a good guy and a future ... then one night i was sitting alone and an english guy asked to join me at the table , on holidays he had met the lady in question a month prior and had been living with her for two weeks ...i thought <deleted> ,,,, i was polite finished and left the place , rang my wife told her , she could not believe it .... when she rang and questioned her the next day it was denial denial denial....... anyway i decided when he came i would tell him the truth ... so as it turned out the day he arrived i flew out , i waved to him and told him i would return in two weeks , that week a party was held at the restaurant to celebrate one year of business , he got smashed beyond belief ,rode his scooter home alone and collided driving on the wrong side of the road with two Thais on another scooter , he died instantly , one of the Thai also died , the other is basically disabled for life ... i cannot condone anyone drinking and driving and killing innocent people .... however at the party he found out about his love cheating on him not just with one guy , but with 4 !!!! that would tip anyone over the edge ... the cold hearted bitch carried on life as usual with the odd crocodile tear , but one by one her friends deserted her as did we ... the crunch came for me when the guy from england contacted me on FB ... shortly after the event .. i asked him ..hey do u realise what has happened over here with your female friend ? he said no , i spoke with her on the phone yesterday and she seemed fine ..so i told him the truth ... i hunted down the other 3 and told them the same ... the sad thing is his body remained unclaimed and was cremated at the temple and she did not even attend ... i hate to say this but please guys when it comes to Thai ladies enter at your own risk ..this caused a huge trust issue in my own relationship and things may never be the same ... i feel very sad not too have told him, but i figured it was better face to face, i just did not get the chance .... anyway thats my story ..i have much more to add but why bore u ...

Nice story but "I generally do.t warm to yanks"

What a stupid thing to say

Sent from my GT-S5660 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

sorry if your a yank but its the truth..... so whats stupid about the truth ?

American by birth, southern by the grace of god

I ain't no yank, son

Sent from my GT-S5660 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

"I ain't no yank, son sonny."

There, fixed it for you.

Neither am I a Yank.

"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance." - Confucius

[MAJIC]

Rather than lose a good friend,or get a Black eye for telling them the truth,perhaps a little subtlety might suffice?

Played several times a day seated outside the Mama and Papa drinking shop might do the trick!

And one or two pointed comments,of your own choice! like "I always thought the lyrics of this song are so true to life"

Edited February 13, 2013 by MAJIC

[JLCrab]

It's mostly hard to be in love with a beautiful woman when, it comes right down to the nitty gritty, she really isn't in love with you.

[thehelmsman]

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life never make a beautiful woman your wife.

[JLCrab]

The converse can also be true. As spoken by characters played by Robert De Niro to a listening Al Pacino in the movie Heat:

A guy told me one time, "Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner."

Once a Thai girl realizes, no matter what hardware she brings to the arrangement, you will be out-of-there fast if it suits your purposes, things can take on a different complexion.

[wellred]

Easier said than done. And most of the time those that are giving the advice have learnt it the hard way themselves.

[JLCrab]

A. It was not advice; just an observation

B. It was not learnt the hard way but definitely over time.

C. If you are contemplating to get involved with a Thai woman of the type who is going to get come-ons from both Thai and farang males on a near daily basis and you are of the jealous type, then this would be my advice: Don't do it.

Edited February 14, 2013 by JLCrab

[wellred]

A. My post was not directed at you

B. take a chill pill

C. happy valentines day

[richard_smith237]

I'm with you on this one, occupation and educational level is no indication of character.

(for men or women of whatever nationality)

Agreed - Physicist !!!

[JLCrab]

As for chillin' is this chillin' enough?

Edited February 14, 2013 by JLCrab

[wellred]

That's good for me. Any more and I'd be lying in a hammock.

[jamescollister]

Perhaps if you marry a girl, be Thai or otherwise you should live together as man and wife. Not leave her for months at a time Pretty sure if my wife kept on flying out for work I would be frequenting bars with girls Jim

[wellred]

Perhaps if you marry a girl, be Thai or otherwise you should live together as man and wife. Not leave her for months at a time Pretty sure if my wife kept on flying out for work I would be frequenting bars with girls Jim

It's precisely this attitude why there is so much promiscuity within relationships in Thailand. If you take the step to commit to a long term relationship then common sense dictates that one should not mess around.

I was in a situation a few years ago where I had to go back home for a few months and in that time my gf slept with a new guy almost every week.

I was only aware of it through a farang bf of the girls friend and he felt bad for me. I was about to lay on a 600k sin sod too so despite not liking what i heard Im glad I was informed.

You can't always predict how the person is going to react but 9 time out of 10 I'm sure they would be glad deep down they were informed of the truth.

[jamescollister]

Perhaps if you marry a girl, be Thai or otherwise you should live together as man and wife. Not leave her for months at a time Pretty sure if my wife kept on flying out for work I would be frequenting bars with girls Jim

It's precisely this attitude why there is so much promiscuity within relationships in Thailand. If you take the step to commit to a long term relationship then common sense dictates that one should not mess around.

I was in a situation a few years ago where I had to go back home for a few months and in that time my gf slept with a new guy almost every week.

I was only aware of it through a farang bf of the girls friend and he felt bad for me. I was about to lay on a 600k sin sod too so despite not liking what i heard Im glad I was informed.

You can't always predict how the person is going to react but 9 time out of 10 I'm sure they would be glad deep down they were informed of the truth.

What has it got to do with Thailand, know guys in the UK and OZ who work off shore, land based. Africa, South America etc they are having good nights out, their wife's are having good nights out as well. If you are married to a fat ugly women she may not be out. If she is not bad on the eye she will be out with the girls. Along comes a handsome man at the nightclub, booze is folowing and you wake the next day with a stranger in your bed. Been there and done that, had hair in those days. Jim