Thai Pride Or My Ignorance?

[kaopadguy]

I spent 6 months in LOS a few years ago. While I was in CM I had a Thai GF for a couple of months. Now I'm smart enough to know her motives. I was there to improve her standard of living as long as we were together.

We spent many nights going out to outdoor bars drinking and eating for hours. We were usually in a group of 4 or 5. At the end of the night I would pay the bill, usually around 1200b. Not once did I get a thank you for paying for everyone's booze. Now the money was not the issue, but common courtesy would be to at least say thanks.

So, did they not want to feel inferior, did they not give a sh!t or did they simply think that money must grow on trees for farang and therefor the gesture ment nothing??

[Martin]

Isn't it just our Western upbringing that expects us to make the vocal noises of "Please" and "Thank You"?

Thais seem to do it with a look, that they all recognise. Or a little 'wai', if they are particularly touchedby your action.

I still feel the need to actually say "Thank You", bur they seem quite surprised at my "Kop Boon Karp".

[BKK90210]

“Money"

It can buy you a position, but not respect.

It can buy you sex, but not love.”

May be she thinks she’d earned it?...and therefore entitled to it.

[kaopadguy]

Isn't it just our Western upbringing that expects us to make the vocal noises of "Please" and "Thank You"?

This is what I was thinking.

They felt like genuine friends. Still, I knew that they were probably thinking that they were taking advantage of me.

After 4 or 5 nights in a row I guess the Chang beer (they ALL drank whisky, water and soda water) got to me and made me question her about it, she didn't really respond.

[udon]

I spent 6 months in LOS a few years ago. While I was in CM I had a Thai GF for a couple of months. Now I'm smart enough to know her motives. I was there to improve her standard of living as long as we were together.

We spent many nights going out to outdoor bars drinking and eating for hours. We were usually in a group of 4 or 5. At the end of the night I would pay the bill, usually around 1200b. Not once did I get a thank you for paying for everyone's booze. Now the money was not the issue, but common courtesy would be to at least say thanks.

So, did they not want to feel inferior, did they not give a sh!t or did they simply think that money must grow on trees for farang and therefor the gesture ment nothing??

Bad manners by the Thais not to thank you.

Simple as that.

What would have happened if you hadn't picked up the tab ?

[Maigo6]

I spent 6 months in LOS a few years ago. While I was in CM I had a Thai GF for a couple of months. Now I'm smart enough to know her motives. I was there to improve her standard of living as long as we were together.

She was probably smart enough to know your motives too.

They felt like genuine friends. Still, I knew that they were probably thinking that they were taking advantage of me.

I got one word. Paranoia.

Edited March 5, 2006 by Maigo6

[bkkmadness]

Simply bad manners although perhaps not on the friends part so much, but the gfs, you should have stopped paying after the first night out.

Edited March 5, 2006 by bkkmadness

[Mighty Mouse]

It's something that I have never understood in Thailand. Take a group of Thai family members or friends out to dinner and never get a "thank you" at the end of the evening.

At least you get a "Chok dee" and a smile with every drink that you buy for them but that's about as far as it goes.

Maybe they think that the value of their company is well worth your expense of buying them dinner.

I've celebrated some of my birthdays in Thailand. A large group of Thai seem to materialise out of thin air. Some bring you a bunch of flowers or something similar, and then hog in to what ever is on offer in the way of food and booze.

At the end of the night everyone is drunk and you're left holding the bill. Happy bloody birthday.

[kaopadguy]

I got one word. Paranoia.

What was there to be paranoid about??

We were eating, drinking and having fun.

[Maigo6]

I got one word. Paranoia.

What was there to be paranoid about??

We were eating, drinking and having fun.

You stated that they felt like friends, you say that you were eating drinking and having fun with what felt like friends.

Yet you also say that you knew that they thought they were taking advantage of you.

How do you know that ?

Paranoia.

[Tywais]

Simply bad manners although perhaps not on the friends part so much, but the gfs, you should have stopped paying after the first night out.

I had that problem for a while with an ex-girlfriend, clubbing with a large group of her friends quite often. She started seeing it was a problem for me and told everyone from now on it will be "American share". So before we went off to the clubs she would take up a collection to help offset the costs. No one complained at all and seemed fine with it. Remember one time when it was my birthday there must have been 20-25 friends that went to the club with us. I didn't have to pay a penny and the club manager even threw in a bottle of Champagne, compliments of the house. Even the band joined in, but then they usually joined us anyway (I was pretty much a regular and the only farang face there)

Even so, I often was acknowleged by the group with a wai or thank you or other form of recognition. So to the OP, get the girl friend to fix it.

Edited March 5, 2006 by tywais

[Noel]

I spent 6 months in LOS a few years ago. While I was in CM I had a Thai GF for a couple of months. Now I'm smart enough to know her motives. I was there to improve her standard of living as long as we were together.

We spent many nights going out to outdoor bars drinking and eating for hours. We were usually in a group of 4 or 5. At the end of the night I would pay the bill, usually around 1200b. Not once did I get a thank you for paying for everyone's booze. Now the money was not the issue, but common courtesy would be to at least say thanks.

So, did they not want to feel inferior, did they not give a sh!t or did they simply think that money must grow on trees for farang and therefor the gesture ment nothing??

On the assumption that much of the conversation may well have been in Thai, could you join in or at least understand most of what they were saying?

I have witnessed farang in a similar situation with the Thai referring to their host as 'it'.

In that situation, the answer to the question would be rather clear...

[Savage]

I believe the way you are treated by your girlfriends friends will be directly affected by the way you have been introduced. If you have been introduced as a husband people will be much more willing to reach into their pockets than if you have been introduced as a sponser.

[English Noodles]

If these Thai(s) were real friends there is no way they would have let you pay for them night after night, There is such a thing as greng jai which would have been used by them if they had felt uncomfortable with you paying all the time. Is prety clear they were just free loaders out to get drunk for free as often as posible before you wised up and stoped.

Why did they not thank you or even aknowledge the fact you had payed? SIMPLE they did not respect you.

[bkkmadness]

I believe the way you are treated by your girlfriends friends will be directly affected by the way you have been introduced. If you have been introduced as a husband people will be much more willing to reach into their pockets than if you have been introduced as a sponser.

If these Thai(s) were real friends there is no way they would have let you pay for them night after night, There is such a thing as greng jai which would have been used by them if they had felt uncomfortable with you paying all the time. Is prety clear they were just free loaders out to get drunk for free as often as posible before you wised up and stoped.

Why did they not thank you or even aknowledge the fact you had payed? SIMPLE they did not respect you.

Both posts spot on IMO. The Greng Jai thing definately comes into play here.

[Savage]

Thankyou Mr Madness, what does IMO mean?

Sav

just figured it out, never mind!

[bkkmadness]

Thankyou Mr Madness, what does IMO mean?

Sav

just figured it out, never mind!

In Madness's opinion.

[GuestHouse]

It seems to me two things are going on.

Firstly who are these 'Friends' and who invites them along. If it is your Thai G/F then you are witnessing her using your money to benefit friends - She's currying favour (pun intended) with your cash.

Secondly, the failure to thank you, is simply ill manners, and it has nothing to do with the background of the Thais, it is to do with how they are viewing you. Everything in Thai society is based on 'relationships/class - actual and perceived'. This treatment and lack of manners is a window into how they perceive you.

I have seen exqusite manners from Thais of all backgrounds under similar circumstances where someone is treating them to a meal.

What you are witnessing is your g/f freeloading on you and inviting people she wants to keep favour with to the trough.

[stumonster]

Thankyou Mr Madness, what does IMO mean?

In Madness's opinion.

we normal mortals would add an 'H' in there for humble... IMHO

you should not have to pay every time , the other men in the group will surely have occasion to ensure you do not have to put your hand into your pocket ( and even the women will pull out a CC sometimes ) - and their gratitude will be expressed , but maybe not by normal western conventions

[DisainaM]

If these Thai(s) were real friends there is no way they would have let you pay for them night after night, There is such a thing as greng jai which would have been used by them if they had felt uncomfortable with you paying all the time. Is prety clear they were just free loaders out to get drunk for free as often as posible before you wised up and stoped.

Why did they not thank you or even aknowledge the fact you had payed? SIMPLE they did not respect you.

For a farang, it is too easy, to hurt someones feeling, without knowing it,

and to get the reward for this, also without realising this,

and it all ends up for him in an discussion about "a missing thank you", a couple of years later.

...

What is the importance of money in this group ?

Respecting s.o., this you could see, if they have tried, to give you a good time, at this evening.

1. question is not, what are real friends , the question is,

what is the position of the girlfriend in this group of thais.

Never underestimated the hirarchic system in thai group, that are covered for farangs with the word "friends".

If she has to serve in this group, the farang is just a trophy, that she offers in the hirachie of this group.

If she is on the same level with the other thais, the

2. question is, was she a real girlfriend. At this point, many farangs, being together with a thai, started to learn thai, to understand, what the conversation at the table is about.

When this "girlfriend" explains, that this farang is just a mee kee au kon, who deserves a lesson,

the missing "thank you" wouldn`t be one of the biggest problems of those nights.

This concludes to the question, is the farang clever enough, to realize, if his gf is real,

cause only cleverness can help s.o., who hasn`t this "many years thai-farang experience".

[Donz]

I think you are worried about nothing.

[zzap]

I suspect they don't respect you, I'd look at the gf's attitude and the nature of your relation for an explanation of this.

Is she a genuine gf, or a woman of convenience for your holiday?

Are you a caring bf and potential hubby, or just a 'punter'?

[bkkmadness]

Thankyou Mr Madness, what does IMO mean?

In Madness's opinion.

we normal mortals would add an 'H' in there for humble... IMHO

Yeah, I do feel sorry for you lot.

[kaopadguy]

Is she a genuine gf, or a woman of convenience for your holiday?

Are you a caring bf and potential hubby, or just a 'punter'?

We met in an outdoor bar in CM. We both knew that it was temperary. She and I travelled around CM and the north and she ended up most nights at my hotel. Other nights we spent at her mothers house.

I brought the guy into our group as he spoke o.k. english, other member's of the group came and went.

I simply brought this up as a matter of discussion.

Was this typical Thai behavour or not?

[Donz]

Maybe your taking advantage of her so she is now taking advantage of you.

Is she your Gf or just a gf for your trip??

[sbk]

In my experience, the oldest or most well-to-do pays the bill.

I have gone out with the cousin-in-law of my husband (or rather we both got dragged) and he treated everybody at the table. Including us. Of course, he was the oldest and the wealthiest one of the lot, so there you go.

[kaopadguy]

I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was travelling alone in a very foreign country. I wanted to have fun, so who am I going out with, myself?

That doesn't really mean that I shouldn't have been thanked, but it's obvious why I was paying.

[Donz]

did you say thank you after you slept with her???

[kaopadguy]

did you say thank you after you slept with her???

LOL

She should have thanked me, we never had sex...

[Donz]

dam you paid for her and her friends and you didnt get anything???

Now thats what i call rude