Respect .

[cardholder]

There are several ways of giving advice. One is to provide some insight into what to do, and do so in an undemeaning manner. Another is to offer advice in a ridiculing manner. Unfortunately, there seems to be more of the latter on these forums.

It's hard to tell someone their wife has probably been cheating on them for quite a while while pretending to work overtime or having sleep-overs with her friends, then dumped him a little bit too early cos she didn't really understand the conditions for her settlement VISA, in a sensitive and undemeaning manner IMHO.

You have a go and show us all how it should be done!

Tommo you're out of order......as far as I can see your making wild assumptions and accusing a woman you have never met of infidelity.

I don't know if you get a kick out of that but to me it's breaking one of the cardinal rules of Thaivisa in connection with being abusive about members partners.

Unless you have proof of infidelity, shut your mouth.......or stop tapping the keyboard.

Up to you.

On this occasion I think you are wrong.

Tommo used the word "probably" - hardly an accusation. Assumptive perhaps.

But... the OP has come onto to an open forum to tell everyone that his wife, aged 48, has been staying out on sleep-overs, wasn't respecting him and walked out the first time he had the balls to challenge.

Now, call me naive, but I think that post (in which advice was sought) left itself total open to an honest opinion that his wife COULD be playing away.

Tommo may have used his inimitable style to convey that, but he was right to point out the possibility.

Anyway, it is past Midday in the UK - what news from the OP of the workplace visit ?

Anyway my post will give Tommo a chance to go all self righteous and indignant, he likes that, so it wasn't a waste of time.

Post 186 explained the current situ ( as far as I know ).

Oops, sorry, I missed post #186.

I hope things settle down for mickylonster - at 64 he can do without all this crap.

From a "no big deal" to going back to Thailand is a big leap for mankind !!

There is obviously (I am prepared to assume) more to this story but that matters not as far as micky is concerned. I would genuinely be interested to see what he does not next. Bachelorhood in Newcastle or get back on your bike and head for Thailand ?

[Dancealot]

There are several ways of giving advice. One is to provide some insight into what to do, and do so in an undemeaning manner. Another is to offer advice in a ridiculing manner. Unfortunately, there seems to be more of the latter on these forums.

Words coming from a true philanthropist.

[rene123]

transam, on 26 Feb 2013 - 04:00, said:

rene123, on 26 Feb 2013 - 03:39, said:

There are several ways of giving advice. One is to provide some insight into what to do, and do so in an undemeaning manner. Another is to offer advice in a ridiculing manner. Unfortunately, there seems to be more of the latter on these forums.

Any written word is food for thought.

Yes, it tells a whole lot more about the person who said it than what was actually said.

[rene123]

TommoPhysicist, on 26 Feb 2013 - 04:04, said:

rene123, on 26 Feb 2013 - 03:39, said:

There are several ways of giving advice. One is to provide some insight into what to do, and do so in an undemeaning manner. Another is to offer advice in a ridiculing manner. Unfortunately, there seems to be more of the latter on these forums.

It's hard to tell someone their wife has probably been cheating on them for quite a while while pretending to work overtime or having sleep-overs with her friends, then dumped him a little bit too early cos she didn't really understand the conditions for her settlement VISA, in a sensitive and undemeaning manner IMHO.

You have a go and show us all how it should be done!

I ALREADY said he probably over reacted verbally, but he hadn't given us all the facts at that point. I STILL have no idea if his lady was having an affair or just partying with friends. But, she obviously wasn't happy with the situation she was in and took the first opportunity to act on it.

However, if you stop to analyze the situation it is no wonder she wasn't happy. Had she been back in Thailand then she would have been more in her element. Moving from warm Thailand to a cold climate where you don't have family or close friends would be hard on most people. Just living with someone is difficult enough on its own, let alone being in a foreign country.

Relationships between people of similar background, language and country are hard enough as it is, let alone mix in all the other factors of this relationship. The facts are all there for everyone to see... over 50% of all marriages fail for far less problems than this couple had.

[Stradavarius37]

micky......stand down. This thread is now like taking a scrubbing brush to a bleeding wound.

Leave things till tomorrow, wander down to the shop and see if she's there, if she is take her in a bunch of flowers and a little note saying that you want to talk, go home and wait.

When ( if ) she walks in give her a chance to talk........whatever she says to you get her to repeat it two or three times. Let her talk herself out then deal with what has been said. If you listen then things may be repairable, if you don't listen then that's unlikely. So no more ranting.

Just go and give your wife an invitation to talk to you the old fashioned way and see what transpires.

Good luck.

Only useful post in this whole sad thread.

[NeverSure]

There are several ways of giving advice. One is to provide some insight into what to do, and do so in an undemeaning manner. Another is to offer advice in a ridiculing manner. Unfortunately, there seems to be more of the latter on these forums.

It's hard to tell someone their wife has probably been cheating on them for quite a while while pretending to work overtime or having sleep-overs with her friends, then dumped him a little bit too early cos she didn't really understand the conditions for her settlement VISA, in a sensitive and undemeaning manner IMHO.

You have a go and show us all how it should be done!

Tommo you're out of order......as far as I can see your making wild assumptions and accusing a woman you have never met of infidelity.

I don't know if you get a kick out of that but to me it's breaking one of the cardinal rules of Thaivisa in connection with being abusive about members partners.

Unless you have proof of infidelity, shut your mouth.......or stop tapping the keyboard.

Up to you.

But there is no doubt she has been repeatedly failing to come home, and even failing to call or come home on his birthday. There is no doubt that when confronted, she said she wants out. There is no doubt she has made it clear she no longer wants to live with him, or even in England. There is no doubt that there is a massive amount of unaccounted for time including many "sleepovers" that haven't been verified.

But once she says she finished as she did, and wants to go back to Thailand, then I can't see why it isn't time to get hard nosed, get her deported, and get her finished with. I would.

No offense intended...

[Dancealot]

If this is the case; her next game will be to change sponsor. Hereby cleverly avoiding the deportation process.

[theblether]

There are several ways of giving advice. One is to provide some insight into what to do, and do so in an undemeaning manner. Another is to offer advice in a ridiculing manner. Unfortunately, there seems to be more of the latter on these forums.

It's hard to tell someone their wife has probably been cheating on them for quite a while while pretending to work overtime or having sleep-overs with her friends, then dumped him a little bit too early cos she didn't really understand the conditions for her settlement VISA, in a sensitive and undemeaning manner IMHO.

You have a go and show us all how it should be done!

Tommo you're out of order......as far as I can see your making wild assumptions and accusing a woman you have never met of infidelity.

I don't know if you get a kick out of that but to me it's breaking one of the cardinal rules of Thaivisa in connection with being abusive about members partners.

Unless you have proof of infidelity, shut your mouth.......or stop tapping the keyboard.

Up to you.

But there is no doubt she has been repeatedly failing to come home, and even failing to call or come home on his birthday. There is no doubt that when confronted, she said she wants out. There is no doubt she has made it clear she no longer wants to live with him, or even in England. There is no doubt that there is a massive amount of unaccounted for time including many "sleepovers" that haven't been verified.

But once she says she finished as she did, and wants to go back to Thailand, then I can't see why it isn't time to get hard nosed, get her deported, and get her finished with. I would.

No offense intended...

It's another assumption that by staying out she was being unfaithful, and assumption too far in my opinion. The fact that she's going back to Thailand indicates to me that like many people who have been transplanted to another country, she's homesick. In turn that turns to misery and malaise and things go downhill from there.

My ex-wife felt overwhelmed when she was a young mother in Germany, she pined for familial support and I couldn't provide enough support myself as I was in a very time consuming job. My wife returned to Scotland, and I served out my time to earn a massive bonus, I allowed myself to be imprisoned by Golden Handcuffs.

I am happy to say that I loved my wife deeply.......unfortunately we were effectively separated for two years and by the time we got back together we were out of step. The marriage staggered on for another 8 years but it was never the same again.

Yes I got my massive bonus but I lost the love of my life......if I had my time again I would have been on that plane home with her.

I suggest that everyone looks beyond the " infidelity " angle and looks at a totally different issue..........living in a foreign country is not for all Thai partners. Many don't take to it and want to go home.

So instead of excoriating micky with gormless second guessing, why don't we offer him a bit of support and encouragement? That would be the gentlemanly thing to do.

On that point, micky has to take responsibility for the fact that he brought his wife to live in the UK, even if the marriage is now totally dead, ( a fact not yet established ), then micky should do the gentlemanly and dignified thing by ensuring that his lady arrives back in Thailand safe and sound, and with enough funds to allow her to settle back in.

micky will then be left with the most precious gift that any of us can hope to have after a relationship has failed.

A clear conscience.

[TommoPhysicist]

If this is the case; her next game will be to change sponsor. Hereby cleverly avoiding the deportation process.

I don't believe you can do that.

I also believe once you have dumped a guy during settlement, they rarely issue another settlement VISA.

Immigration get the idea the citizenship is the aim, rather than marriage.