Adopting Wife's Sisters Unwanted Baby!

[PaullyW]

Sounds like your life is messy.

[canuckamuck]

Most people who adopt will tell you it was the best thing they ever did. There is no greater gift you can give a child than a place in a caring stable family. There is a lot of kids out there that would love to have a mom and dad, instead they get an institution.

There is always people that are against adoption, but what is more important in this world than helping kids?

[dave111223]

I find it weird that people think 25 is too young to think about kids? Surely that is about the age you are, physically, supposed to be having kids. I guess there are so 50 year olds with toddlers here that you have forgotten what is normal age for starting a family?

He's plenty old enough to make his own decisions.

[JLCrab]

Is there some reason why TTBOMK the OP has not said whether this is a boy or a girl baby? If a girl, it is much easier for the older sister to get involved whether through legal adoption or informally for the time being.

[jji23]

Hi

I'm the friend.

Firstly, Songkran has been in the orphanage for 8 months, he was found in a toilet, with mosquitoes and ants on him, in a temple close to my wife's family home. The younger (17) sister has done a runner to Chiang Mai and is now a 'masseuse'. As for the father...drug addict. The rest of the family (wife's mother) seem like don't care that much and don't want him. This talk of adopting him has only happened recently (since we've been going) and my wife says the orphanage staff keep asking her to take him and I believe her. This isn't anyone in the families making/doing.

We've been visiting him every weekend for the past couple of months. It's so sad to see him in their (not that the orphanage is horrible or the workers seem bad) but that this poor baby won't have a fair chance due to senseless irresponsibility. I couldn't live the rest of my life knowing that I didn't try my best to help him. We will legally be adopting him, both ours (wife & I) names as parents.

I work on a 2 yearly renewable contract at a top bilingual school in Pathum Thani. My take home pay including my private tutoring is over 75,000 Baht. My wife is just over 20, 000 baht. I am legally married. I'm nearly halfway through my loan repayments for my car. I also have some savings. I have spoken to my mum and family in the U.K and they have told me to rescue him. I am not a party animal, I enjoy staying at home. I think it would be fair to say that at my age to be set up in a foreign country in the manner I am shows a degree of responsibility and stability. I don't plan to go home, but if I did my family would go with me. I can fully accept him to be my son and in the vent of having another baby there would be no "back seat" for Songkran.

Like many posters above have mentioned the decision has been made. We will try our best to help. The biggest issue at the moment is finding a carer mon-friday 7am-7pm, my wife believes that there are numerous possibilities from the large amount of middle aged housewife neighbors we have.

The cost doesn't matter to me, like I said I couldn't live the rest of my life knowing that I didn't try to help him.

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[Mario2008]

Moved to family and children forum section.

[canuckamuck]

You are doing the right thing. All though there may be some difficult days, you will not regret being the difference for this child. It won't be long until you could not imagine life without him.

[jvs]

I have friends who are doing the same thing at the moment,it is very heart warming to see the love between the new parents and the baby.

I wish you a lot of happiness and joy together as a new family.(i know you will)

[David48]

Mate ... a Gunners supporter ... the bub has no chance ...

More seriously ... everyone will take this more seriously now that you have stepped forward ...

What a huge step for you and your wife to do this and mostly, I presume, people who adopt would be those who can't have children themselves.

The future is fraught with danger from the mother rekindling her new found affections for 'her' child ... but full of promise for you both as parents and the child's nurturing in a caring committed relationship.

BTW ... cute bub ...

OH ... as a side note ... may I ask how you were granted such close access to the orphaned child as that was not experience when the visited the various Orphanages?

.

[krisb]

MYOB

This is the kind of answer you will get op. I got shot down in flames for raising the issue of Thais just dumping kids as it is quite common.

I think his wifes sister is a useless piece of junk who doesnt deserve to have kids. Yes your friend should take care of the kid. Poor little kid didnt ask to be brought into this world, and as adults its our responsibility to provide and help them, and since the child is family, then they should for sure adopt the kid. I could never leave my sisters child in an adoption scenario, its family and family must look after family. Sometimes its not about choice. Sometimes you just have to.

[cup-O-coffee]

Hi

I'm the friend.

Firstly, Songkran has been in the orphanage for 8 months, he was found in a toilet, with mosquitoes and ants on him, in a temple close to my wife's family home. The younger (17) sister has done a runner to Chiang Mai and is now a 'masseuse'. As for the father...drug addict. The rest of the family (wife's mother) seem like don't care that much and don't want him. This talk of adopting him has only happened recently (since we've been going) and my wife says the orphanage staff keep asking her to take him and I believe her. This isn't anyone in the families making/doing.

We've been visiting him every weekend for the past couple of months. It's so sad to see him in their (not that the orphanage is horrible or the workers seem bad) but that this poor baby won't have a fair chance due to senseless irresponsibility. I couldn't live the rest of my life knowing that I didn't try my best to help him. We will legally be adopting him, both ours (wife & I) names as parents.

I work on a 2 yearly renewable contract at a top bilingual school in Pathum Thani. My take home pay including my private tutoring is over 75,000 Baht. My wife is just over 20, 000 baht. I am legally married. I'm nearly halfway through my loan repayments for my car. I also have some savings. I have spoken to my mum and family in the U.K and they have told me to rescue him. I am not a party animal, I enjoy staying at home. I think it would be fair to say that at my age to be set up in a foreign country in the manner I am shows a degree of responsibility and stability. I don't plan to go home, but if I did my family would go with me. I can fully accept him to be my son and in the vent of having another baby there would be no "back seat" for Songkran.

Like many posters above have mentioned the decision has been made. We will try our best to help. The biggest issue at the moment is finding a carer mon-friday 7am-7pm, my wife believes that there are numerous possibilities from the large amount of middle aged housewife neighbors we have.

The cost doesn't matter to me, like I said I couldn't live the rest of my life knowing that I didn't try to help him.

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You aren't doing the right thing or the wrong thing. You are doing your thing, and that may or may not have any bearing on the Thai thing. It sounds like you've already made up your mind, but asking for approval or advice at this point in the game is a little curious and makes me skeptical because it shows a seed of doubt.

The seed of doubt is because you had to ask your family and others rather than tell them. Will you do that when you and your wife decide to get pregnant?

I wish you well. I admire you, but I think you are a bit naive and young to think that this is all going to go your way if you take this endeavor upon yourself, and believe me, it will be all you and all your money if the bottom falls out. Regarding that comment and the issue of adoption, I assure you that you will need every single baht of that 70,000 to get what you want, and I hope it is worth it to you and only you in the end. Adoption is a trail that leads through a gauntlet with many many hands held out; including that mother, who will suddenly have a change of heart when she finds out someone who makes 70,000 wants to adopt her dear little baby and hence she will have to sign legal documents abandoning all her rights to you, the new daddy, as well as the old daddy doing the same. Good luck finding them and paying them off to sign the docs so that you can take him back home if you decide.

You are a decent fellow. Forgive my skepticism. I just know Thais and when they smell money all sorts of legal obstacles and requirements surface which will, I fear, plunder your coffers and the coffers of your family back home. In the end, this sweet little babe will be used by greedy people to suck you dry, Sad, but, I fear, too true. And your embassy will demand all the legal papers which the Thai government, the adoption center, the lawyers, the police, the dead-beat mother and dead-beat father (if you can track him down to get the mandatory signature) and the dead-beat family (to sign away their future rights to the child) as well will suck you dry simply to get all in order and signed properly.

Incidentally, the family has every right to take this child out of the orphanage, and it seems odd they aren't helping you. Are they waiting to see what you do? This whole adoption issue is going to put you through the fire; believe me. I hope you are sincere about this.

[billd766]

I find it weird that people think 25 is too young to think about kids? Surely that is about the age you are, physically, supposed to be having kids. I guess there are so 50 year olds with toddlers here that you have forgotten what is normal age for starting a family?

He's plenty old enough to make his own decisions.

I know a 68 year old man with a 47 year old Thai wife and an 8 year old Thai/ English son and they seem to be getting along OK.

The Mother speaks Thai to the boy and the Father speaks English all the time so the child becomes bilingual and the boy is happy enough.

Wait a minute, That's me I'm talking about.

[jji23]

Hi

I'm the friend.

Firstly, Songkran has been in the orphanage for 8 months, he was found in a toilet, with mosquitoes and ants on him, in a temple close to my wife's family home. The younger (17) sister has done a runner to Chiang Mai and is now a 'masseuse'. As for the father...drug addict. The rest of the family (wife's mother) seem like don't care that much and don't want him. This talk of adopting him has only happened recently (since we've been going) and my wife says the orphanage staff keep asking her to take him and I believe her. This isn't anyone in the families making/doing.

We've been visiting him every weekend for the past couple of months. It's so sad to see him in their (not that the orphanage is horrible or the workers seem bad) but that this poor baby won't have a fair chance due to senseless irresponsibility. I couldn't live the rest of my life knowing that I didn't try my best to help him. We will legally be adopting him, both ours (wife & I) names as parents.

I work on a 2 yearly renewable contract at a top bilingual school in Pathum Thani. My take home pay including my private tutoring is over 75,000 Baht. My wife is just over 20, 000 baht. I am legally married. I'm nearly halfway through my loan repayments for my car. I also have some savings. I have spoken to my mum and family in the U.K and they have told me to rescue him. I am not a party animal, I enjoy staying at home. I think it would be fair to say that at my age to be set up in a foreign country in the manner I am shows a degree of responsibility and stability. I don't plan to go home, but if I did my family would go with me. I can fully accept him to be my son and in the vent of having another baby there would be no "back seat" for Songkran.

Like many posters above have mentioned the decision has been made. We will try our best to help. The biggest issue at the moment is finding a carer mon-friday 7am-7pm, my wife believes that there are numerous possibilities from the large amount of middle aged housewife neighbors we have.

The cost doesn't matter to me, like I said I couldn't live the rest of my life knowing that I didn't try to help him.

Uploaded with ImageShack.us

You aren't doing the right thing or the wrong thing. You are doing your thing, and that may or may not have any bearing on the Thai thing. It sounds like you've already made up your mind, but asking for approval or advice at this point in the game is a little curious and makes me skeptical because it shows a seed of doubt.

The seed of doubt is because you had to ask your family and others rather than tell them. Will you do that when you and your wife decide to get pregnant?

I wish you well. I admire you, but I think you are a bit naive and young to think that this is all going to go your way if you take this endeavor upon yourself, and believe me, it will be all you and all your money if the bottom falls out. Regarding that comment and the issue of adoption, I assure you that you will need every single baht of that 70,000 to get what you want, and I hope it is worth it to you and only you in the end. Adoption is a trail that leads through a gauntlet with many many hands held out; including that mother, who will suddenly have a change of heart when she finds out someone who makes 70,000 wants to adopt her dear little baby and hence she will have to sign legal documents abandoning all her rights to you, the new daddy, as well as the old daddy doing the same. Good luck finding them and paying them off to sign the docs so that you can take him back home if you decide.

You are a decent fellow. Forgive my skepticism. I just know Thais and when they smell money all sorts of legal obstacles and requirements surface which will, I fear, plunder your coffers and the coffers of your family back home. In the end, this sweet little babe will be used by greedy people to suck you dry, Sad, but, I fear, too true. And your embassy will demand all the legal papers which the Thai government, the adoption center, the lawyers, the police, the dead-beat mother and dead-beat father (if you can track him down to get the mandatory signature) and the dead-beat family (to sign away their future rights to the child) as well will suck you dry simply to get all in order and signed properly.

Incidentally, the family has every right to take this child out of the orphanage, and it seems odd they aren't helping you. Are they waiting to see what you do? This whole adoption issue is going to put you through the fire; believe me. I hope you are sincere about this.

1. I asked my families advice after we had decided to try and help him. Is there something wrong with that?

2. The mother left her baby in a temple toilet! The police took action (lol) against her, I believe she has lost any right to the child under child negligence.

3. When/how will she find out what I earn? She doesn't care, as far as she knows it'll be my wife adopting him.

4. With the orphanage pressing my wife every time we go, I think it's not going to be as hard as you make out. Unless of course you've been through this whole process already?

5. I don't understand where in the process of adopting a child from an orphanage we'll have to pay big. He is an orphan, his parents left him. The orphanage are crying out for us to take him, telling us they will provide us with baby stuff if we need it.

6. No one's waiting to see what I do. The only other person in the family is the mother and she doesn't want him. Which is why my wife (family) and I are going to adopt him.

I really can't see being sucked dry in this process. Would the orphanage be so pushy with my wife if they knew that the mother and father had to agree and sign? I don't think so. If yes then obviously there are going to be problems and then perhaps my wife should initially adopt him.

[jji23]

But thanks for giving me some insight into the potential problems involved.

[cup-O-coffee]

jji23, I'm just saying. I'm not going to get involved in your journey. I simply saying. You'll get the answers to those naive questions (very respectfully) fast enough when the gears get in motion. If your wife knows how much you make, then I assure you everyone she knows knows this as well. Don't mistake her love for your love. You are a decent fellow, but your sincerity and honor won't change a thing, otherwise Thailand would truly be the HUB of the world and your path would be smooth and straight right into the sunset. Report back when you get those gears going and begin inquiring.

[a99az]

I think, you think too much.

Sounds like you friend and his wife love a baby and want to adopt it, how strange is that? For some it would put a big dent in the whoring and drinking. But your friend does not sound like that sort of man. Ant love grand.

[tartempion]

Same thing here.

Gf's younger brother made an even younger woman pregnant.

They married a few months before the baby got born.

MIL bought them a house in the woman's village.

Brother made living selling drinks from a drink cart attached to a motorbike.

When brother came home to help the family harvest rice may 2011 (baby was 3 months old) he was told not to return to his wife (she found a new male)

Some months later the brother went off to Taiwan for 3 years to make some money, the child left with the grandparents who can't cope.

After some months of consideration we decided to "adopt" the baby.

The little girl lives with us since January 2012, her birthday is 13 feb 2011, so she's 2 years now.

I am retired with plenty of time on my hands, unlike the friend in this topic.

We are without news from the father for over 6 months now and hope somewhere he will never show up, maybe get married in Taiwan and stay there...

It was the best year of my life so far, observing the small one evolving from crawling to walking to talking and getting some character.

Every day she spends a few hours with the real grand parents.

I don't think she realizes the relative luxury she lives in as compared to the "piss on the floor" style of life at the grandparents place.

I do believe it will do her good, to experience a multicultural home and not to have piss-poor parents struggling to get food of any kind on the table.

I am somewhat worried though giving her a spoiled life, holidaying to Phuket by plane and staying at 5* hotels.

Bringing her up does give stress we did not experience in our 10 years living here, but it is largely compensated with the daily laughter (and joy) we have with the little one.

No legal action has being undertaken, Thai style. That may bite back some day, by next year she will need a passport to travel abroad, something will need to be done.

I do wish you all the best in this undertaking and I am curious towards the required legal steps

Edited March 8, 2013 by tartempion

[fotog]

I have been with the same gal for nine years and she has always wanted a baby; however I have been there, done that and flatly refused to bring another child into this world. About 18 months ago she went and adopted a six-month old orphan and brought him home. Now I view this as completely different than bringing a child into this insane world because this child was already here and no one wanted him. I love this little boy and am happy to be able to provide a good stable environment for him to grow up in. Life at its best is not much of a bargain and growing up as an unwanted neglected child or orphan in Thailand is much worse. I support your friends intention of adopting the child.

Edited March 8, 2013 by fotog

[jji23]

Mate ... a Gunners supporter ... the bub has no chance ...

More seriously ... everyone will take this more seriously now that you have stepped forward ...

What a huge step for you and your wife to do this and mostly, I presume, people who adopt would be those who can't have children themselves.

The future is fraught with danger from the mother rekindling her new found affections for 'her' child ... but full of promise for you both as parents and the child's nurturing in a caring committed relationship.

BTW ... cute bub ...

OH ... as a side note ... may I ask how you were granted such close access to the orphaned child as that was not experience when the visited the various Orphanages?

.

I'm not sure about the not having children, just we didn't plan to have one now.

Re the access. Whenever we go there my wife walks into the office whilst I wait outside. She hands over her i.d card at which point an orphan worker goes to collect him. They then leave him with us for an hour or two. They've seen me holding him and playing with him. I had no idea about the access issue. Perhaps as it's Pathum Thani or that my wife is blood family?

Not being able to have children isn't t

Edited March 8, 2013 by jji23

[scorecard]

Hi

I'm the friend.

Firstly, Songkran has been in the orphanage for 8 months, he was found in a toilet, with mosquitoes and ants on him, in a temple close to my wife's family home. The younger (17) sister has done a runner to Chiang Mai and is now a 'masseuse'. As for the father...drug addict. The rest of the family (wife's mother) seem like don't care that much and don't want him. This talk of adopting him has only happened recently (since we've been going) and my wife says the orphanage staff keep asking her to take him and I believe her. This isn't anyone in the families making/doing.

We've been visiting him every weekend for the past couple of months. It's so sad to see him in their (not that the orphanage is horrible or the workers seem bad) but that this poor baby won't have a fair chance due to senseless irresponsibility. I couldn't live the rest of my life knowing that I didn't try my best to help him. We will legally be adopting him, both ours (wife & I) names as parents.

I work on a 2 yearly renewable contract at a top bilingual school in Pathum Thani. My take home pay including my private tutoring is over 75,000 Baht. My wife is just over 20, 000 baht. I am legally married. I'm nearly halfway through my loan repayments for my car. I also have some savings. I have spoken to my mum and family in the U.K and they have told me to rescue him. I am not a party animal, I enjoy staying at home. I think it would be fair to say that at my age to be set up in a foreign country in the manner I am shows a degree of responsibility and stability. I don't plan to go home, but if I did my family would go with me. I can fully accept him to be my son and in the vent of having another baby there would be no "back seat" for Songkran.

Like many posters above have mentioned the decision has been made. We will try our best to help. The biggest issue at the moment is finding a carer mon-friday 7am-7pm, my wife believes that there are numerous possibilities from the large amount of middle aged housewife neighbors we have.

The cost doesn't matter to me, like I said I couldn't live the rest of my life knowing that I didn't try to help him.

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I deeply admire you and I wish you, your wife and your new child the very best for a very happy future together.

You know there will be some bumps with the process as in any country, I've been there when I adopted my Thai son, just take it easy and you'll get past the bumps unscathed.

Take care.

[Beetlejuice]

The guy is 25 years old.

Is he officially married to his Thai wife? Meaning has a marriage certificate.

Does he have some substantial savings?

If for whatever reasons he leaves or loses his job in Thailand, does he have other means to support himself and family?

Does his Thai wife own any property and do they own the home and land they live on?

For how long is his employment period contract at the school?

How long does he intend to stay in Thailand?

If he has to return back to his home country, does he already have family sized accommodation there and a job to return to?

Answer these questions and I will let you know whether or not it is a good idea for this couple to adopt a child in Thailand or not.

Here we go, mr perfect on the job once again.

Many people, with wife and kids, all over the world have time based work contracts, nothing unusual there.

Is it really so critical that he has an exact number of bedrooms etc., available in his home country? No! What rubbish.

How long is he going to stay in Thailand? Who knows answers like this?

Are you saying that people who don't own land should not have kids? I certainly hope not.

Does he have substantial savings? Well that's not your business or mine, and if he's like most 25 yeard olds possibly not, but who knows, and he's found himself squarely in a situation which he didn't plan or personally construct but he wants to do the right thing.

If he's genuine, and there's no reason, from what's been posted to assume otherwise, then he'll proably make a go of it. Good luck to him for wanting to try to be a good citizen and give some love and caring to a baby with little opportunity. I greatly admire him and his wife.

Actually I don't think the young man and his wife really need your decision whether it's a good idea.

Bladdy right I`m Mr Perfect when a child`s welfare is at stake and that`s everyone`s business.

Good intentions, good will and pity is not enough.

The child requires love and most of all security on a permanent basis.

If this couple can provide a decent upbringing, and will consider and treat this child as they`re own, in a stable, permanent and long term environment, up to when the child reaches adulthood, than I will say, great, go ahead adopt this child. Otherwise if there are any doubts, than think and think again.

This is only common sense, or what else would you prefer to hear?

Edited March 8, 2013 by Beetlejuice

[rct99q]

Wish you all the best with the adoption. Have patience as others have stated it could be a little rocky but well worth it.

[blossombkk]

Hi, do me a favor my young friend. Adopt him ASAP. I look at the picture you posted, and he looks so s a d! He doesn't make an eye contact with you as though he already knows there is nobody to care for him in this world.

You will never regret the moment as children bring so much joy to our lives, whoever they are, and he looks such a good kid...

Really, do what you can.

[blossombkk]

I'd like to add to what I said before. The longer he stays in a place like this, meaning no one on one contact, the greater the damage he will face in years to come. Is there a possibility of you taking him at this stage already to your home? maybe get the biological mother to agree and sign something. The child does not see the difference between a legal adoption and just being cared for. This will minimize the damage already done. It might even speed up the legal adoption process.

As I see in the posted picture, you are a caring person, trying to amuse him like that. He needs love more then anything. When adopted, he will eat what you eat and go to schools you can afford. Financials do not matter. What matters to him is being loved.

And during his childhood and adolescence don't ever expect him to be thankful to you. He deserves a normal childhood free of guilt.

Please, do what you can and even more!!!

[CMTourist]

I think you're a great guy for doing this. Just one issue I can see coming up and perhaps the forum can give advice, what about when the "real" mother turns up, maybe many years down the road, and puts pressure on the child to get money for her from the rich farang family?

What can be done to solve that?

Just saying the mother can't meet the child won't work. And since there's a family relationship through the wife, its impossible to make it impossible for her to find you unless the wife cuts off all contact with all members of her family