So Then She Manhandled A Monk......

[theblether]

I arrived in Thailand last Wednesday and had my usual Hangover 2 night, doing random things which have totally escaped my memory but I will never forget this little episode.

For some reason which I cannot explain, and in a seriously inebriated state, I decided I would go to Spicy at about 5.00am, by the time I got there it was shut but the usual flotsam and jetsam was hanging around, and dissipating slowly. Anyway I about turned and was accosted by what I could best describe as a sexy Korean Olive Oil, tall, slim, and a bit full of herself. I noticed she had been talking to a guy on a bike and he took off rapid style when she spoke to me....so here's the story.

Olive Oil told me rather forcefully that some guy from London had attempted to strangle her in Spicy, now I don't know how serious an attempt at strangulation this was but she was very happy about it. My first thought was how did she know he was from London? Did he grasp her neck and whisper menacingly " watch out darlin', me uncle was in the Krays gang ", ( every bam I know from London had an Uncle in the Krays gang, it must have been the biggest gang in the world. )

Anyway, she didn't look injured to me, if she had been I would have been inclined to have been a bit more helpful re calling police etc, however she was determined to go find the guy. At this point I noticed she was being shadowed by one of those most annoying of Thai people, the Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheepers. This woman, who looked about 50, and had mad swivelly eyes kept getting a grip of Olive oil and saying " You come my room, I make you Tom Yam Gung"

Olive ( early 20's btw ), wanted me to help with search. Well, being a highly trained detective due to diligently studying Thaivisa threads, I asked Olive how long had it been since the London Strangler had ran away, 20 minutes came the reply, so I sucked my teeth, reflected on what the TV membership would say, and replied, " He'll be in his room, are you suggesting we knock every hotel room door in CM? ".

Before we go any further......that was a good point eh?

Anyway, I'm starting to get seriously annoyed by Chirpy Cheep Cheep, who has now decided to get a grip of my wrist and continually repeat, " Tom Yam Gung ", now I love Tom Yam Gung, in fact it's a daily dish for me, however it wasn't top of my list of priorities right now. So I then entered to a 5 minute twilight zone of London Strangler stories and Chirpy Cheep Cheepers.

Then it happened, an elderly Monk rounded the corner, and I was firstly grateful that Chirpy Cheep Cheep prostrated herself in front of him, Olive Oil was fascinated for a moment then decided that the Monk would have the supernatural ability to detect the London Stranglers room, so I mid-incantion, she verbally accosted him, I walked back about 5 yards and said, " listen Olive, step away from the Monk! ". No no....no effect, no one ever listens to theblether, and Olive wasn't going to start now. I could see the Monk looking disconcerted, even more so when Olive decided that he should stop incanting and answer her question by grabbing him and giving him a shake. Well from the shadows emerged a couple of young Thai guys who weren't two seconds manhandling her away from the Monk. Luckily for theblether they could see that I had been telling her to move away as I wouldn't have liked to get involved in a confrontation on this matter.

Anyway theblether told Olive that she had just committed a serious cultural faux pas, and it would be better now for her to get in a Tuk Tuk and go home. Her reply? I can't remember where my hotel is, I said no problem, what's the hotel name?....... " Can't remember".

Okay, now getting a bit worried for Olives safety, I suggested we go to an internet cafe and check her emails, and try to find the hotel that way. No use she says, she had stepped off the aircraft and went cruising for a hotel. This info seemed to delight Chirpy Cheep Cheep, who reminded Olive that she could go her room and get Tom Yam Gung. I pointed out to Olive that Chirpy seemed to be quite fond of her and unless she was that way inclined she may get a wee surprise for dessert. So Olive came up with a bright idea, she and Chirpy Cheep Cheep could stay in my room.

That will effin right, has she never read Thaivisa? <deleted>.......no way I said, and I can tell you ( not being averse to the Sexy Olive Oil Look ) there was no way whatsoever Chirpy Cheep Cheep was ever going to find out where I lived. This negotiation, and rejection went on for a wee while until I decided that Olive was beyond help, and the night would end with her being Tom Yam Gunged in some dodgy room by the Cheeper, but being a gent, as I am, I escorted her down to Lucky Bar and left her there in relative safety. What a start eh?.......

Just sayin'

[Chittychangchang]

Hopefully she had better luck in the Lucky bar.

[arthurwait]

Tourists hey ?

[BookMan]

So when did you order the banana pancakes?

[BookMan]

..

Edited April 2, 2013 by BookMan

[Neeranam]

I sometimes miss the strange situations I got into when pissed.

[candypants]

i usually manage to close the deal though.

both tutsi and the blether back to posting, we are truly blessed

[onionluke]

So when did you order the banana pancakes?

Nah , that's where it all went wrong , he should 've ordered kimchi pancakes , la .

[mauGR1]

C'mon now, theblether buddy, tell us what you're drinking...we'll keep the secret..promise

[Fibbernacci]

Koreans really aren't the nicest of people I'm afraid,Cebu in the Philippines is full of them and the locals absolutely hate them,for there boorish behaviour and manners!

[Thaddeus]

I would really like kebab right now...... that is all I have to say on the matter.

(not a kabob either, that is a strange object invented by people who can't cook, can't spell, and have a slender grip on ..... well,,,, anything)

[Dancealot]

"Step away from the monk" ...

[theblether]

Koreans really aren't the nicest of people I'm afraid,Cebu in the Philippines is full of them and the locals absolutely hate them,for there boorish behaviour and manners!

I think that's a fair description.....this lady seemed to have been blessed with an excess of self confidence, or maybe just out and out arrogance?

[OxfordWill]

Thanks for a good read & laugh! But did the old lady offer her any tom yam gung? Would have been rude not to...

[theblether]

Thanks for a good read & laugh! But did the old lady offer her any tom yam gung? Would have been rude not to...

I'll tell you what....she's put me off my favourite dish, every time I think of it I see her annoying face.

[taninthai]

Why did I just waste my time reading this crap.....

[kevvy]

yes 5 minutes of it

[theblether]

Oooooh so negative!!!

[overherebc]

Oooooh so negative!!!

Shame you didn't take them back to yours' then if they put wet towels on the floor you could have found out and told us.

[theblether]

Oooooh so negative!!!

Shame you didn't take them back to yours' then if they put wet towels on the floor you could have found out and told us.

Aye that's a fair point, but to be fair I do value my mental health, a threesome with those two would have scarred me for life. Gawd no.

[Morakot]

Good use of plot devices!

Enjoyed it.

Edited April 3, 2013 by Morakot

[DiNiro]

I wonder why the London guy strangled her?

[lomatopo]

Olive Oyl

Korean Olive Oil

[Phronesis]

old habits...pun intended...