Second Marriage Dowry

[mrbojangles]

It looks like this topic is going to crop up periodically,

As for me and the mrs, we have 12.5 rai of land that is used for growing Mango, Man Sam Palang (spelling) and breeding fish. Her family can keep any profits that are made. Therefore, we still have the land to sell at a later date and saves having to send money. I think a better investment, for me anyways

Man Sam Palang is cassava, grows easily requiring little water, low price though. Has she thought about eucalyptus trees? all the current rage, but the ecology minded will object!

Thanks for that bannork, we still have plenty of area left to grow other things, so i'll look into it. Without going off topic too much, i don't know anything about Eucalyptus, what do you mean by "the ecology minded will object"

[gburns57au]

In the areas where a dowry is still expected, it is usual for a girl to receive a second dowry on remarrying....However it usually a reduced dowry....My first wife had been married before with no kids and was 24yo fro Buriram...dowry was 50000, If she was unmarried previously then I could have expected to pay about 75000-100000.

My current girl is 32yo from Bangkok, with a kid from a previous marriage and with Mum, Stepdad and Sister living in Europe...the subject has come up but nothing has been said as of yet except that they want their daughter to be happy and have a good man.

[Noel]

My current girl is 32yo from Bangkok, with a kid from a previous marriage and with Mum, Stepdad and Sister living in Europe...the subject has come up but nothing has been said as of yet except that they want their daughter to be happy and have a good man.

That must hurt..

[daleyboy]

except that they want their daughter to be happy and have a good man.

I can leave you my number if you want mate

[coldcrush]

I missed the first Dowry?

I am in trouble or shall I pay them both at once? lmao

[gburns57au]

My current girl is 32yo from Bangkok, with a kid from a previous marriage and with Mum, Stepdad and Sister living in Europe...the subject has come up but nothing has been said as of yet except that they want their daughter to be happy and have a good man.

That must hurt..

Not at all Noel....she has found one.....ME...

except that they want their daughter to be happy and have a good man.

I can leave you my number if you want mate

No worries mate....I'll pass it onto my ex......

[h90]

don't worry you can pay it on my bank account

I missed the first Dowry?

I am in trouble or shall I pay them both at once? lmao

[lopburi3]

In the areas where a dowry is still expected, it is usual for a girl to receive a second dowry on remarrying....However it usually a reduced dowry....My first wife had been married before with no kids and was 24yo fro Buriram...dowry was 50000, If she was unmarried previously then I could have expected to pay about 75000-100000.

My current girl is 32yo from Bangkok, with a kid from a previous marriage and with Mum, Stepdad and Sister living in Europe...the subject has come up but nothing has been said as of yet except that they want their daughter to be happy and have a good man.

Although some areas are known for asking for more than others so perhaps it would not be that uncommon in Buriram - but I do not believe you would find it common, or even considered, by most people in other areas. Sin Sot is a one shot deal for most who follow it.

[bannork]

It looks like this topic is going to crop up periodically,

As for me and the mrs, we have 12.5 rai of land that is used for growing Mango, Man Sam Palang (spelling) and breeding fish. Her family can keep any profits that are made. Therefore, we still have the land to sell at a later date and saves having to send money. I think a better investment, for me anyways

Man Sam Palang is cassava, grows easily requiring little water, low price though. Has she thought about eucalyptus trees? all the current rage, but the ecology minded will object!

Thanks for that bannork, we still have plenty of area left to grow other things, so i'll look into it. Without going off topic too much, i don't know anything about Eucalyptus, what do you mean by "the ecology minded will object"

Check out the Eucalyptus thread in the Issan forum, now a few pages back. Mind you, I remember it being controversial about 10 years ago in Roi Et with farmers refusing to plant it again after water tables dropped. But it's certainly popular now due to low maintenance needs and relatively good profits.

Apologies to mods for being off topic, for linkage perhaps we could say a second dowry or marriage is like a eucalyptus tree, from seemingly deserted and barren land a sturdy relationship may be formed and whilst suggesting the participants' ages maybe compared to the sagging or drooping eucalyptus leaves, the relationship is at the same time always cool and able to flourish through hot and troubled periods.

[lowerlakeside]

thanks all for the input(some more helpfull then others..but hey we all can use a chuckle).i will talk to her again about it.i never felt right about a second dowry, and im not loaded , but doing o.k. i like the idea of giving a little something, out of respect ,but not a family subsidy...again thanks for the input and food for thought

[h90]

I don't want to be sarcastic I just try to tell what I think.....

My wife second marry, don't want any money

I invested a lot, 1 am 49 % owner she 10 percent and rest guys who signature that they give for me.

her sister had to work for free 3 month, 1 staff for free 3 month

reason the money goes to the family anyway, they did not invest so they should not earn anything.

Her sister does not buy food, she eat what we can not finish.

No aircon no

Even the staff follows, very low salary but if we make money everyone gets some share.......

My wife got 10.000 euro from my mother, said thank you and told me thats not fair and invested in the company.

But they are all from the south, my wife drove a car which I can not buy (4 mill) now it is a wrack and she bankrup in 1997......

thanks all for the input(some more helpfull then others..but hey we all can use a chuckle).i will talk to her again about it.i never felt right about a second dowry, and im not loaded , but doing o.k. i like the idea of giving a little something, out of respect ,but not a family subsidy...again thanks for the input and food for thought

[wolf5370]

To my understanding - from previous discussions and a little research over the years - Sin Sot (dowry) in LoS is NOT for virginity. It is to make reperations to the parent for a] the cost of them bringing up a girl who could not, historically, inherit so was less desireable than a boy and b] the loss of her helping-hand around the farm/family business/house etc.

Therefore, it makes sense to pay this once and only once - as the parents have then been repaid.

You also might want to note that often Sin Sot is just for display at the wedding and the money is given back after the ceremony. You may want to check this with the perspective Mrs.

Paying for the wedding is now a modern slant on sin sot, and perhaps could be separated from it conceptually. The odds are you can give her a better special day than her family could. Its the same way that in the West the Groom's parents pay for the honeymoon and the Bride's for the wedding - this is often no longer followed and the couple (or one of them) may pay for it all. This slant would also, perhaps, negate the second marraige barring as you may still want a wedding do!

The main thing is to discuss it with your Mrs, come to an arrangement you are happy with and leave it to her to apprise the family.

Good luck.

[daleyboy]

No worries mate....I'll pass it onto my ex......

As long as she is tasty

[snoophound]

Just doesnt seem logical to pay a dowry twice.

But UP TO YOU.

Whatever the situation when you get involved with a thai family as a falang you are seen as having money too much,

Their seems to be way to many stories of falangs funding thai families.

Some feel ok with it and say they can afford it and enjoy the giving others feel a lot of pressure and begin to resent it or if they dont pay up get resented by the wife/girlfriend.

Some just kid themselves that they are ok with it.

To me it seems to be a treadmill.

We bought a nice aprtment for my ladies elderly mum and dad last year .

The idea was she and her sis would have a room when they come back to bkk for holidays a few times a year from here in aus.

Now their are 10 of the bludging family crowded into it....missus and sis paying for hotel.

My lady says what can I do ,you falang not understand thai people.

UP TO YOU

No worries mate....I'll pass it onto my ex......

As long as she is tasty

[cobra]

i am going to marry a Thai lady , who has been married before.Her first husband gave her family a dowry, she tells me , and expects i will do the same(about TBaht 200,000) Can anybody tell me what the "norm " is for a second marriage.

As a reality check, query the question to the / a future bride, ... I can give 200,000 to your parents, or I can give it to you instead,

If she opts for the latter you may want to look a little closer at the current family dynamic,

At the very least, get a clear understanding what will be expected of you as far as any on going support.

[Tolley]

If the dowry is a big issue for your prospective wife i believe you should pay it. However as you are in Thailand never accept the first price and feel free to try and negotiate the figure down.

There is no hard and fast rule on dowries but if the figure is only 100k to 200k I would consider it a cheap option to keep your prospective wife happy. After you get married you will consider this as small potatoes compared to what you will spend in the future on her. Far better to start the marriage on a good foot and not worry about a relatively small amount of money. If you are worried about the money you obviously cannot afford to get married.

Most weddings in the west will cost you much more than a a couple of hundred thousand baht.

[h90]

I think negotiations are not necessary, because if she starts demanding money before marriage, she will take the rest of the money anhow later....

If the dowry is a big issue for your prospective wife i believe you should pay it. However as you are in Thailand never accept the first price and feel free to try and negotiate the figure down.

There is no hard and fast rule on dowries but if the figure is only 100k to 200k I would consider it a cheap option to keep your prospective wife happy. After you get married you will consider this as small potatoes compared to what you will spend in the future on her. Far better to start the marriage on a good foot and not worry about a relatively small amount of money. If you are worried about the money you obviously cannot afford to get married.

Most weddings in the west will cost you much more than a a couple of hundred thousand baht.

[Gary74]

She's a used property and dowry is not required. However, some farangs give dowry to make themselves feel good.

I personally don't recommend it. I seen some sad stories.

[Tolley]

The dowry figures mentioned here are around 2k US to 5K US.

You would barely get an engagement ring for that amount.

If you are quippling over an amount that small you really can't afford to get married.

Is this board populated by cheap charlies or what?

[h90]

I don't know I got my wife for free. After marry we ate a pizza with 3 friends and 2 piece parents. Make it together 7 people at arround 300 Baht per pizza and 2 beers at 100 Baht per person in avarage.

Makes 3500 Baht. No rings.

We went 1 week for holidays to rom and I drive the car (we did not start the trip from Thailand )

Paying for getting a wife is a bit strange isn't it? Do you buy a slave or is it more a long time contract with a prostitute?

If she is so shameless to ask for money, I would kick her out of the house.....

The dowry figures mentioned here are around 2k US to 5K US.

You would barely get an engagement ring for that amount.

If you are quippling over an amount that small you really can't afford to get married.

Is this board populated by cheap charlies or what?

[Gary A]

The dowry figures mentioned here are around 2k US to 5K US.

You would barely get an engagement ring for that amount.

If you are quippling over an amount that small you really can't afford to get married.

Is this board populated by cheap charlies or what?

Cynical and observant is a more correct answer. Being cheap has very little to do with it. A woman with kids asking for a dowry SHOULD start the alarm bells ringing.

[gburns57au]

The dowry figures mentioned here are around 2k US to 5K US.

You would barely get an engagement ring for that amount.

If you are quippling over an amount that small you really can't afford to get married.

Is this board populated by cheap charlies or what?

No.... but there are some who pay over the norm and top dollar for everything without question who then drive up the expectations for others.

The OP said that they are expecting a dowry the same as her first one which in my view is taking the mickey

No worries mate....I'll pass it onto my ex......

As long as she is tasty

She certainly is tasty....but then most tarts are....

[britmaveric]

The dowry figures mentioned here are around 2k US to 5K US.

You would barely get an engagement ring for that amount.

If you are quippling over an amount that small you really can't afford to get married.

Is this board populated by cheap charlies or what?

No smart lads, but I won't go into the arguements against doweries - just do a search!

[Mobi]

A few pages back on this thread, someone gave you some very good advice. Whatever you do and whatever you pay, get it clearly agreed up front and stick to it. This is very important. If you are VERY VERY firm, most ladies will accept it.

My first wife, from a poor Bangkok family, some 26 years ago, cost me nothing, and I was nver asked for anything.

My second wife, from Issan, was pretty expensive, but I could afford it. I used to get all worked up about how much she was costing me, until a very good friend advised me that if she made me happy, and if I wanted her to look after me in my old age, and if I could afford her requirements, then just pay and stop getting stressed out about it. So that's what I've done - but it's all agreed, I won't allow her to go one step over the line. I believe it works - for her and me. The price is what the buyer is prepared and able to pay.

[Tolley]

A lot of guys here get all worked up about the dowry issue for no good reason in my opinion.

Plenty of Thais guys pay dowries so it is a custom for some sectors of Thai society.

If you have problem with this notion or think that you are buying a bride i think you just don't understand or are unwilling to adopt a little bit to your partners culture. This could spell bigger problems down the track. If you want all the good things that come with Thai women you have to sometimes accept some things that you may not necessarily agree with.

[daveh]

A lot of guys here get all worked up about the dowry issue for no good reason in my opinion.

Plenty of Thais guys pay dowries so it is a custom for some sectors of Thai society.

The difference between farang and Thai in this area is that the Thai man usually does not pay, rather it is the Thai man's family that pays. Also, the Thai man who pays it can expect to get it back when he "sells" his daughters.

[Tolley]

A lot of guys here get all worked up about the dowry issue for no good reason in my opinion.

Plenty of Thais guys pay dowries so it is a custom for some sectors of Thai society.

The difference between farang and Thai in this area is that the Thai man usually does not pay, rather it is the Thai man's family that pays. Also, the Thai man who pays it can expect to get it back when he "sells" his daughters.

This is not necessarily correct. This could be the case in some situations but there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to the dowry issue.

Sometime the family does keep the money. Sometimes it is kept by the bride and sometimes it is given back to husband (not that often) and sometimes there is no dowry at all.

Sometimes the husband gets the money from the family and sometimes he pays it himself or borrows the money.

For most farangs it is only a matter of a few thousand dollars and really should not be seen as a major issue given that the cost of weddings and associated paraphenalia is so much cheaper in Thailand.

BTW You are not buying anything when you pay a few thousand dollars for a dowry.

Further in some cases the newlyweds recieve more back in presents than the cost of the dowry depending of course on the socio economic circumstances of the brides family and friends.

[Mobi]

A lot of guys here get all worked up about the dowry issue for no good reason in my opinion.

Plenty of Thais guys pay dowries so it is a custom for some sectors of Thai society.

The difference between farang and Thai in this area is that the Thai man usually does not pay, rather it is the Thai man's family that pays. Also, the Thai man who pays it can expect to get it back when he "sells" his daughters.

This is not necessarily correct. This could be the case in some situations but there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to the dowry issue.

Sometime the family does keep the money. Sometimes it is kept by the bride and sometimes it is given back to husband (not that often) and sometimes there is no dowry at all.

Sometimes the husband gets the money from the family and sometimes he pays it himself or borrows the money.

For most farangs it is only a matter of a few thousand dollars and really should not be seen as a major issue given that the cost of weddings and associated paraphenalia is so much cheaper in Thailand.

BTW You are not buying anything when you pay a few thousand dollars for a dowry.

Further in some cases the newlyweds recieve more back in presents than the cost of the dowry depending of course on the socio economic circumstances of the brides family and friends.

Excellent post!

You're quite correct about 'buying'. I used the word in the very loose sense, and probably should have used another. My now mother in-law kept the dowry which comprised both cash and gold. She also kept the money from the wedding guests, but I doubt it amounted to very much - it is a very poor community. I also paid for the wedding reception, which was quite a grand affair, with live music etc., a huge stage and hundreds of guests. The whole lot didnt come close to the cost for my eledest daughter's wedding in England - so it was all absolutely fine by me.

Since we were married, two of my wife's younger brothers have got married. Both had to pay dowries - substantially less than I paid, but significant sums nevertheless. On a purely voluntary basis - no pressure whatsoever - I chipped in 50% in both cases, and the wife lent the other 50% out of her 'allowance'. The brothers pay back monthly out of their salaries for the wife's 50 percents. My contributions was a gift - but who knows? It's their business. They are nice, hard working peopleand I'm happy to do it - but I also know where to draw the line.

[Maigo6]

If you're happy to pay a dowry and can afford it, then pay and be happy.

If you are unhappy about a dowry, don't pay it and move on. If you pay against your will you'll just get all bitter and twisted and spend hours per day typing cynical posts to internet forums.

In my experience, it's the guys that are living on a shoestring budget that complain the most, the better off guy's don't see a small ammount of $$$ being a big deal.

[h90]

If you pay against your will you'll just get all bitter and twisted and spend hours per day typing cynical posts to internet forums.

you got me