Living With A Bar Girl In Pattaya

[Naam]

your honesty is appreciated but i pity you.

[Payboy]

Pattaya city council:lol

Since we are now part of your story, what exactly does she do at the council? You know just incase your family ever ask us we need to get the facts straight now.

'Customer Relations' would sound appropriate.

Mattress tester and part time hotel room inspector.

Demolition of unauthorized temporary erections.

[LennyW]

If it makes you happy - chap on!! We only have one life - live it to the max!

[Thailaw]

From the OP: "............. She was a bar girl then and still is. The difference is that back then I was on holiday, but we stayed in touch. Now I live with her. I love her, absolutely no question about it. I know what she does when she goes to work, no problem. I was just one of her many customers......"

The reality is that you still are. I am not sure how that makes you feel, but if you really "love" her, as you say you do, it should make you sick. I would have thought that it would make you hate her, and hate yourself even more for allowing this to continue (maybe even encouraging it) after you have developed a relationship (I use that word very loosely) with her. If those feelings haven't surfaced yet, I have no doubt that they will in due time. Pity for the OP? None here -- he has "Eyes Wide Shut". I expect that sometime in the future there will be a story in the Pattaya rags about the OP taking the "PP" -- people will ask "why?". This crap is "why...".

[SteeleJoe]

During my single years in Thailand I found myself in this situation on many occasions. It can be a great learning experience as one deals with the issues that come up. You will definitely learn a lot about yourself and others.

I would hope, if she finds someone willing to give her more of a future, you would not stand in her way. In my opinion it is best not to be too clingy in these kinds of relationships and when the time comes, wish her the best and move on.

Replace "many" with "a couple" and it matches my own experience and point of view perfectly. The only thing is, I was in my 20's then, not sure I'd want to be in that situation at 50 (actually I am certain I wouldn't.)

Great post. Independent and rational thinking, and tolerance. Kudos.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Every older man in the world should try the "I lived with a bar girl" experience.

It's wild, it gives you a new lease on life, it's fun (and it's unlikely to last but what the hell).

When I read the judgemental posts from some members, it reminds me what being old really is.

@OP

Enjoy yourself while you can and never look back.

[DLock]

Seriously, you just posted this?

I'm sure you monthly supply of Detol, mouthwash, antiseptic wipes, condoms, douches, Valtrex, doctors visits and antibiotics are worth it.

You need to get over your inferiority complex and raise your standards.

[krisb]

Pattaya city council:lol

Since we are now part of your story, what exactly does she do at the council? You know just incase your family ever ask us we need to get the facts straight now.

'Customer Relations' would sound appropriate.

Mattress tester and part time hotel room inspector.

Demolition of unauthorized temporary erections.

Sounds like a position council had to fill to me Payboy! A really great position.

[villagefarang]

During my single years in Thailand I found myself in this situation on many occasions. It can be a great learning experience as one deals with the issues that come up. You will definitely learn a lot about yourself and others.

I would hope, if she finds someone willing to give her more of a future, you would not stand in her way. In my opinion it is best not to be too clingy in these kinds of relationships and when the time comes, wish her the best and move on.

Replace "many" with "a couple" and it matches my own experience and point of view perfectly. The only thing is, I was in my 20's then, not sure I'd want to be in that situation at 50 (actually I am certain I wouldn't.)

Great post. Independent and rational thinking, and tolerance. Kudos.

I was also in my 20s and 30s. The many comes from the 20+ years I was single before I settled down in my mid-40s. That was just one of many phases I went through and not something I did exclusively.

At some point you reach your sell by date and are no longer treated the way you were in your 20s, so I agree that I didn’t want that kind of thing to continue into my 50s either.

[SteeleJoe]

At some point you reach your sell by date and are no longer treated the way you were in your 20s, so I agree that I didnât want that kind of thing to continue into my 50s either.

Well, that wasn't the reason I was thinking - overall I found the experience an unhealthy one for me - but you make a very good point there too: when you are in your 20's, fit, not bad to look at and there are actually other girls that'd gladly have you, you can be sort of a trophy/toy boy for a working girl and be treated very well...the dynamics of the relationship might be rather different when one is 50...

On another tack: I have to say I'm kind of (pleasantly) surprised that no one has suggested or declared "troll" yet. I don't make any assumptions but it does seem a perfect trolling set-up (only thing that would have made it better if it were English teacher rather than history - but do teachers at international schools only make 35,000 p mo?).

EDIT to add: out of respect for those bar girls of long ago - and to the OP and his girl, I should add that (especially when when you are in your 20's and have the other things going for you I mentioned but not necessarily only in that instance) the bargirl in question can truly care for you just many of their colleagues truly care for their Thai boyfriends or husbands while they continue to work; I don't mean to say that the only possible relationship was the trophy / toy boy thing or that it would have to be solely that.

Edited April 13, 2013 by SteeleJoe

[Tolley]

So many women in Thailand I don't understand why you would shack up with a bargirl who is still working.

Who needs that sort of extra baggage?

Sorry but I don't see any pluses here.

[Mighty Mouse]

He's 50 and she's 33. She is an experienced lover for rent. Keep in mind, this is Thailand.

Find an unattached Western girl who is 33 years old and take a close look at her past relationships. Not a lot of difference in numbers, I'm thinking.

The Thai girl has sex for money. No feelings for her customer.

The Western girl has sex because she wants sex and/or she has shallow feelings for her casual partners.

Which of the two would be more trustworthy?

In this case the Thai girl wants a full time, live-in boyfriend. The Western girl just wants to sleep around with no permanent attachment.

In my opinion, the Thai girl would become the better partner of the two.

The Thai girl will soon be quitting the bar scene (use-by date) and if the relationship she's now in is worthwhile, there is no reason why it won't continue well into the future.

It seems that both he and she have made their choice and chosen each other, so good luck to them.

Edited April 13, 2013 by Mighty Mouse

[muythai2013]

when your sitting alone with her enjoying a loving romantic moment, do you ever picture the things she has gotten up to with fat hairy stinking customers again and again and again.

At least you know for a dollar she will do anything you want, after all she does it for every other person, even the most diseased looking farang.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

He's 50 and she's 33. She is an experienced lover for rent. Keep in mind, this is Thailand.

Find an unattached Western girl who is 33 years old and take a close look at her past relationships. Not a lot of difference in numbers, I'm thinking.

Just to explain an 'average' pretty bar girl will be having 200-500 customers a year from age 14 (so by age 30 about 3000 different lovers).

I would imagine quite a difference in numbers when compared to even the 'most casual' of western women.

Edited April 13, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[fredob43]

He's 50 and she's 33. She is an experienced lover for rent. Keep in mind, this is Thailand.

Find an unattached Western girl who is 33 years old and take a close look at her past relationships. Not a lot of difference in numbers, I'm thinking.

The Thai girl has sex for money. No feelings for her customer.

The Western girl has sex because she wants sex and/or she has shallow feelings for her casual partners.

Which of the two would be more trustworthy?

In this case the Thai girl wants a full time, live-in boyfriend. The Western girl just wants to sleep around with no permanent attachment.

In my opinion, the Thai girl would become the better partner of the two.

The Thai girl will soon be quitting the bar scene (use-by date) and if the relationship she's now in is worthwhile, there is no reason why it won't continue well into the future.

It seems that both he and she have made their choice and chosen each other, so good luck to them.

Spot on. I have to laugh at all those so called know it all do gooder's that post derogatory comment's, how many of them living here are shacked up with a 'bank teller' + their family and using all their cash on keeping them all going, I will lay odd's most.

The story's I can relate about the I've got it great peep's tell whilst their G/L is off some ware in the afternoon getting her fun run into the thousand's.

At least he knows the set up and also get's to share some of the let's call it tips. Spot on as far as I'm concerned. Yes it has it's draw back's but only a few. If it work's for him great best of luck.

After all it's only work all be it not in a bank.

[SteeleJoe]

when your sitting alone with her enjoying a loving romantic moment, do you ever picture the things she has gotten up to with fat hairy stinking customers again and again and again.

At least you know for a dollar she will do anything you want, after all she does it for every other person, even the most diseased looking farang.

I can understand someone having an aversion for this sort of situation, finding it incomprehensible, or thoroughly distasteful. But I don't get the judgmental and contemptuous attitude towards the woman in question.

You have zero idea of whether she is anything remotely like you describe and the extremely insulting characterization is just gratuitously malicious.

Edited April 13, 2013 by SteeleJoe

[villagefarang]

Perhaps things have changed since my day but back then the girls I knew were quit selective. It was girls at the lower end of the spectrum who were left with little choice.

Facing ones own insecurities and prejudices falls under the category of learning stuff, I mentioned earlier. Not everyone is into introspection and self-knowledge, however.

[Mighty Mouse]

He's 50 and she's 33. She is an experienced lover for rent. Keep in mind, this is Thailand.

Find an unattached Western girl who is 33 years old and take a close look at her past relationships. Not a lot of difference in numbers, I'm thinking.

Just to explain an 'average' pretty bar girl will be having 200-500 customers a year from age 14 (so by age 30 about 3000 different lovers).

I would imagine quite a difference in numbers when compared to even the 'most casual' of western women.

Whilst you and I don't have any accurate figures to back up our assumptions, the 'average' bar worker has a very short working life before she either burns out or gets tired of the scene .

The average unattached Western sex addict, has no 'use-by' date. She is like the Energizer Bunny...she goes on and on and on.

How many of the Thai girls that you know start their sexual working life at age 14 and continue through to age 30? Not many I bet.

I've been visiting Pattaya for much of my adult life and it is rare to see the same working girl from one year to the next. They are either snapped up by eager farangs and taken out of the industry, or they return home to their village with their money to set up a small business.

I think there may be a flaw in your estimated numbers.

Sex to a professional sex worker is similar to a girl who goes to work in a cake shop. The sex worker get no real sexual satisfaction from her work, whilst the cake shop worker soon stops eating all those sugary delights that are available to her for free.

I watched a documentary about a male porn star. During his working hours he had all the sex he could handle with a lot of hot looking women, yet none of his on-screen partners had any interest in him and he led a very lonely life.

I think that proves that love does not come from the bed. It comes from a meaningful relationship and a compatible, caring partner.

It seems that this particular Thai girl has chosen the OP for her personal reasons and despite the number of customers she has been with, there is nothing to suggest that her intentions in setting up house with him are anything other than sincere.

[chonabot]

He's 50 and she's 33. She is an experienced lover for rent. Keep in mind, this is Thailand.

Find an unattached Western girl who is 33 years old and take a close look at her past relationships. Not a lot of difference in numbers, I'm thinking.

Just to explain an 'average' pretty bar girl will be having 200-500 customers a year from age 14 (so by age 30 about 3000 different lovers).

I would imagine quite a difference in numbers when compared to even the 'most casual' of western women.

How many of the Thai girls that you know start their sexual working life at age 14 and continue through to age 30? Not many I bet.

I've been visiting Pattaya for much of my adult life and it is rare to see the same working girl from one year to the next. They are either snapped up by eager farangs and taken out of the industry, or they return home to their village with their money to set up a small business.

I think there may be a flaw in your estimated numbers.

All of them start early teens, most of them continue until their 40s, or until dead if heavy drug users.

Prostitution is a life time career choice. 95% never really leave the industry, some restrict themselves to one customer as they get older.

The OP says his girl is 33, what do you think she did before that age? I'm thinking 20 years in the business so far.

What a ill informed pile of crap you spout

[Neeranam]

I have a live in thai girlfriend who was an EX bar girl. I could never have a relationship with one who still worked. You must be a special person if you don't mind what she does every day. If she was serious about you surely she could get a "normal" job even if it meant less money.

If she WAS an ex-bar girl, what is she now?

I agree, any girl who was serious about you would get another job - she must not be satisfied and looking for something better - grow some balls and kick her out.

[petermik]

Thanks for your replies.

She's stunning and I'm 17 years her senior.

I'm realistic about it. If she's prepared to wait 15 years she can live with me off my pension money, no worries.

If not, then there's a good chance I'll find another one in the meantime.

Enjoy it while it lasts and keep your feet firmly on the ground,never take anything for granted and prepare yourself for the day when it ends-ooh and good luck

[Mighty Mouse]

You've made a big call and used some startling figures which I think most long term Pattaya holiday makers/ex-pats might find difficult to accept as accurate.

What evidence do you have to support your comments?

I don't think we should take this thread into a discussion of underage Thai sex workers, so lets just accept that the girls we are talking about here are of legal working age.

Some of them might work for many years in the industry but certainly not all of them....as you infer.

From my observations over the years, some of the girls come to Pattaya to make enough money to assist their families through some immediate financial crises. Some of these girls have their Thai husband and kids waiting at home for them to return with the money. Others only need enough money to get them started in their own business. They are short term sex workers and they then leave the industry for good.

There are others who may keep working for a number of years, become very hardened and who may continue to work because they have no goals in their life and/or (as you suggest) they are feeding a drug habit. I suggest these girls represent a very low percentage of the overall sex-industry population.

The girls "that restrict themselves to one customer" (as you claim) are not really working are they? They become full time partners to their one customer, either live-in or an occasional get-together. If they accept money for their occasional get-together, then they wouldn't being having sex all that often, one would think.

You may have a preconceived belief with regard to Thailand sex workers but I think your studies/observations may need further time before you fully understand these girls and what makes them tick. You can't generalize in the manner that you have so far.

[Rimmer]

Inflammatory posts, bickering posts off topic posts and posts discussing the specifics of prostitution removed also quoted replies

[breadbin]

Op, see my post in the general forum.

I'm sure it'll help you out.

[Dorkers]

At some point you reach your sell by date and are no longer treated the way you were in your 20s, so I agree that I didnât want that kind of thing to continue into my 50s either.

Well, that wasn't the reason I was thinking - overall I found the experience an unhealthy one for me - but you make a very good point there too: when you are in your 20's, fit, not bad to look at and there are actually other girls that'd gladly have you, you can be sort of a trophy/toy boy for a working girl and be treated very well...the dynamics of the relationship might be rather different when one is 50...

On another tack: I have to say I'm kind of (pleasantly) surprised that no one has suggested or declared "troll" yet. I don't make any assumptions but it does seem a perfect trolling set-up (only thing that would have made it better if it were English teacher rather than history - but do teachers at international schools only make 35,000 p mo?).

EDIT to add: out of respect for those bar girls of long ago - and to the OP and his girl, I should add that (especially when when you are in your 20's and have the other things going for you I mentioned but not necessarily only in that instance) the bargirl in question can truly care for you just many of their colleagues truly care for their Thai boyfriends or husbands while they continue to work; I don't mean to say that the only possible relationship was the trophy / toy boy thing or that it would have to be solely that.

In regard to the other tack: he doesn't work at the international school here in Pattaya. Teachers at the international school don't earn 35000 a month.

[tropo]

There are others who may keep working for a number of years, become very hardened and who may continue to work because they have no goals in their life and/or (as you suggest) they are feeding a drug habit. I suggest these girls represent a very low percentage of the overall sex-industry population.

"very low percentage"? What's that? Under 1%? Why do you think the number is so low?

Edited April 13, 2013 by tropo

[givenall]

To me seems you just have roommate and xxxxxxx body

Edited April 13, 2013 by metisdead

[tropo]

Being 33 years old, the OP's "girlfriend" is probably stressed out over her age and future and using the OP as a hedge in case she cannot find better (richer), but hoping she will.

Edited April 13, 2013 by tropo

[bamukloy]

I would suggest there could be many posters on here that ARE in exactly the same boat, only they don't know it yet.

If your TG is in her late 20's, early 30's theres no way of telling what she has done for work before you met her. I have met such a person who seemingly had a legit job, who in passing mentioned she had "worked" in Pattaya in her 20's and didnt like it much, although the money was good...was the comment.

This was mentioned in passing as if taking about any number of mundane jobs one would have had in their lifetime. I've certainly heard many other tales from this person since,

This idea of the girls collecting from donours every now and then certainly happens as we all know. As long as these guys keep donating every month just for the sake of meeting up with the girl every year or so, of course the girl is gonna wanna keep collecting.

With the number of girls on the ground constantly here it is beyond me why anyone would send money from abroad to one girl. Its just silly and I really can't understand why these guys do it.??

Certainly in such a position its better to know the truth instead of being the fool getting lied to.

I suspect there could be many farangs living wih girls here that are quite content to have their GFs collect funds from silly old buggers abroad.

They allow the girl to meet the old guys, who holiday here once a year, and in all honesty these guys cant do much damage anyway...she collects...the BF has a few days peace to himself the old bugger has a good holiday...everyones happy

"The more ( so and so) gives you the less i have to give, since i dont have a lot of money anyway" i would suggest is an argument that may have been used once or twice?.

What constantly perplexes me though is the amount of forieners you meet who insinuate they have the real deal...don't ever give anything..GF loves them for them bla bla

The same guys seem to like to insinuate everyone elses girl is a BF. yet they are being lied to when Teerak has to go home to take care of family.ect and swallow it wholesale.

Ive often heard in Thai conversation the question asked "how much does he give you every month?"

When the answer is not much or nothing, the case is usually that the girl is waiting for some funds or something that was promised earlier by the farang..

example.. a loan for a business, loan of money to help buy .....

Once the big payout is got the girl is outta there as fast as falling batsh*t...then the farang claims that he kicked her out...but NO she wasnt a bargirl oh no no

[breadbin]

Let's face it, the op is lying to his family and is happy to let his gf get shagged rotten by drunk farangs and then get back in his bed for him to have a ride.

He's another idiot farang that's lost the plot and needs to get back to reality.

Enough said.