Breaking Up in Thailand

[boosta]

Im betting your wanting to leave asap ,these so called ladys are nothing but grown babys ,if she still persists tell her your incapable of producing offspring

Can't just pick up and go. Have to go through the process of applying to schools first. Also I'm in a contract here, and I wouldn't just ship on my students. None of this is their fault. So I'd be looking at an April departure, I suppose.

-

Many would advise you not to let her know in advance of your impending departure, do it James Bond style and just disappear one day when she goes out to buy your beer.

Others call that cowardly and you should stand up to her like a man.

Group A then says it's only practical, save all the drama breakage and possible injuries.

see saved four pages of thread fluffage right there. . .

[Eesat]

Mate I've mentioned this on another thread but I'm a 6'0",110kg/17 stone guy,no idea what makes you think I'm a girl is it the username or what?

-

I told you it's the underlying personality that shines through your lovely writing.

You never did answer my question as to your sexual preferences. . .

Chiefly because I'd rather not fuel your homo-erotic fantasies,thankyou very much!

[boosta]

Ooh that felt good, do it again!

[GooEng]

I'm curious, OP other than a forced separation to study abroad from this lady, do you wish to remain in a relationship with her, or are you looking to end it anyway?

[thunder30101]

She is losing her cash cow, she has now pulled the falang card on you and is acting in the typical thai childish way when they dont win the game. Now for you it is time to play the thai game and do what they do, lie and tell stories to fit the situation to avoid any confrontation and put all the blame on you bad falang.. Thais are all children mentally. Tell her what it takes to keep her off your back and make your plans to go home and take care of yourself because trust me no thai will ever care about you or your future falang only themselves.

[aTomsLife]

I'm curious, OP other than a forced separation to study abroad from this lady, do you wish to remain in a relationship with her, or are you looking to end it anyway?

If I wasn't concerned about my career, I wouldn't be inclined to end it with her. However, the way she's handled this matter thus far is highly unattractive to me.

[benalibina]

Anyone else inclined to share a bit of their own break up history, or is this just gonna keep getting slung back at me?

I've never heard of a clean or amicable break up in Thailand in the 20 odd years I've been here.My own experiences of ending relationships echo those of boosta - threats, violence, hysterics etc.It seems a national trait for the one being dumped to turn aggressively adversarial, and it's mainly to do with face and its often the case that when the dumped party has been dumped for very good reason(infidelity, theft, etc) the aggression is even worse.When a lady i was seeing on a pretty casual basis a few years ago wanted to stop seeing me, which would have been no big deal, rather than come out with it she behaved in such a bizarre fashion - standing me up on dates, being distant, leaving dates unexpectedly etc, that I ended up telling her it was not working and we should stop dating. i was then subjected to a month long campaign of SMS threats and insults, facebook insults and silent phone calls in the middle of the night. It came out much later via a mutual acquaintance that she wanted to end things with me as an ex-bf of hers, had unexpectedly announced his return to Thailand and she wanted to be available to him.

This, precisely, is my fear. It seems there are no amicable breakups here. I was hoping someone would chime in and tell me otherwise.

CANNOTTTTTTT !

Make sure you do not get her pregnant is the best advise !

[Eesat]

She is losing her cash cow, she has now pulled the falang card on you and is acting in the typical thai childish way when they dont win the game. Now for you it is time to play the thai game and do what they do, lie and tell stories to fit the situation to avoid any confrontation and put all the blame on you bad falang.. Thais are all children mentally. Tell her what it takes to keep her off your back and make your plans to go home and take care of yourself because trust me no thai will ever care about you or your future falang only themselves.

Absolutely 100% spot on,some of the best advice I've ever seen given on Thai Visa!

[Beetlejuice]

“I came to Thailand, started a relationship and am now returning home”

The girl is right.

If the OP was having sexual relations with this girl, and giving her the semblance of this becoming a permanent relationship, than the OP was in fact using her to suit at the time, and if from the beginning he was uncertain of his time period in Thailand, than morally speaking, he should never had began a close relationship with her.

This is a sort of; well, you served a purpose while I was here, but it`s time for me to move on now, byeeee.

If the OP cannot see the errors of his ways, and probably the hurt he has caused this girl, than he still has a lot to learn.

I am sure this pertains to relationships worldwide, not only in Thailand. People have emotions and feelings wherever they come from.

Edited June 19, 2013 by Beetlejuice

[YeahSiam]

She is losing her cash cow, she has now pulled the falang card on you and is acting in the typical thai childish way when they dont win the game. Now for you it is time to play the thai game and do what they do, lie and tell stories to fit the situation to avoid any confrontation and put all the blame on you bad falang.. Thais are all children mentally. Tell her what it takes to keep her off your back and make your plans to go home and take care of yourself because trust me no thai will ever care about you or your future falang only themselves.

Absolutely 100% spot on,some of the best advice I've ever seen given on Thai Visa!

Really?! I thought it was chock full of the typically facile generalisations and assumptions that guys who fish at the polluted end of the pond make about Thai women.

[lannarebirth]

Thanks boosta, that was a great reply. We, however, are not living together. She would never go for that.

At present, we are still a couple. She is trying to get me to change schools. She says there are Thai schools of good quality, and that it isn't necessary to work at an international school in order to have a stable work environment. I am considering this option. As you say, she is still the woman I've cared about to this point. Nevertheless, with ASEAN around the corner, and Thailand growing leaps and bounds, an M.Ed would create much needed stability for me, before deciding to start a family here.

I am not a proponent of online degrees, but an online degree from a decent western university would have more value than a degree from ANY Thai university, except perhaps in the sciences.

[lannarebirth]

“I came to Thailand, started a relationship and am now returning home”

The girl is right.

If the OP was having sexual relations with this girl, and giving her the semblance of this becoming a permanent relationship, than the OP was in fact using her to suit at the time, and if from the beginning he was uncertain of his time period in Thailand, than morally speaking, he should never had began a close relationship with her.

This is a sort of; well, you served a purpose while I was here, but it`s time for me to move on now, byeeee.

If the OP cannot see the errors of his ways, and probably the hurt he has caused this girl, than he still has a lot to learn.

I am sure this pertains to relationships worldwide, not only in Thailand. People have emotions and feelings wherever they come from.

I agree with you. It reminds me of those thread you see here where someone came to Thailand for a year and got a dog. The dog didn't know they were leaving in a year without them.

[Beetlejuice]

“I came to Thailand, started a relationship and am now returning home”

The girl is right.

If the OP was having sexual relations with this girl, and giving her the semblance of this becoming a permanent relationship, than the OP was in fact using her to suit at the time, and if from the beginning he was uncertain of his time period in Thailand, than morally speaking, he should never had began a close relationship with her.

This is a sort of; well, you served a purpose while I was here, but it`s time for me to move on now, byeeee.

If the OP cannot see the errors of his ways, and probably the hurt he has caused this girl, than he still has a lot to learn.

I am sure this pertains to relationships worldwide, not only in Thailand. People have emotions and feelings wherever they come from.

I agree with you. It reminds me of those thread you see here where someone came to Thailand for a year and got a dog. The dog didn't know they were leaving in a year without them.

I wouldn`t quite make any comparisons between this girl and a dog, but I see where you`re coming from.

I think that many farangs over here short time, consider these sorts of relationships as just one big adventure, a sort of ego trip and often fail to see the hurt they cause to the other parties concerned and in many cases they don`t care.

It`s a form of selfishness and immaturity and perhaps one day someone else will treat them the same and that`s the only way they learn about life, by experience when it becomes personal to them.

Edited June 19, 2013 by Beetlejuice

[benalibina]

“I came to Thailand, started a relationship and am now returning home” The girl is right. If the OP was having sexual relations with this girl, and giving her the semblance of this becoming a permanent relationship, than the OP was in fact using her to suit at the time, and if from the beginning he was uncertain of his time period in Thailand, than morally speaking, he should never had began a close relationship with her. This is a sort of; well, you served a purpose while I was here, but it`s time for me to move on now, byeeee. If the OP cannot see the errors of his ways, and probably the hurt he has caused this girl, than he still has a lot to learn. I am sure this pertains to relationships worldwide, not only in Thailand. People have emotions and feelings wherever they come from.

I agree with you. It reminds me of those thread you see here where someone came to Thailand for a year and got a dog. The dog didn't know they were leaving in a year without them.

I wouldn`t quite make any comparisons between this girl and a dog, but I see where you`re coming from. I think that many farangs over here short time, consider these sorts of relationships as just one big adventure, a sort of ego trip and often fail to see the hurt they cause to the other parties concerned and in many cases they don`t care. It`s a form of selfishness and immaturity and perhaps one day someone else will treat them the same and that`s the only way they learn about life, by experience when it becomes personal to them.

It takes 2 to tango !

[Eesat]

“I came to Thailand, started a relationship and am now returning home”

The girl is right.

If the OP was having sexual relations with this girl, and giving her the semblance of this becoming a permanent relationship, than the OP was in fact using her to suit at the time, and if from the beginning he was uncertain of his time period in Thailand, than morally speaking, he should never had began a close relationship with her.

This is a sort of; well, you served a purpose while I was here, but it`s time for me to move on now, byeeee.

If the OP cannot see the errors of his ways, and probably the hurt he has caused this girl, than he still has a lot to learn.

I am sure this pertains to relationships worldwide, not only in Thailand. People have emotions and feelings wherever they come from.

She's 29,no Thai guy will even give her a second look at that age,she should be grateful.She'll be trawling Soi 4 soon or pitching punters next to the Nana BTS stairs!

You`re brain dead comments are not even worth replying to.

You forgot to tell us all your son's a policeman!

[FACTOR]

Look, Dude, you did not do the appropriate cultural thing -- you messed around with a nice girl, and now you want to dump her. That's a NO NO in Thailand. That comes as a surprise to a lot of guys who think the easygoing sex scene in some quarters pertains to the whoe society. She's losing big face because of you.

[FACTOR]

...read "whole" society

[pattayadingo]

I've had break ups that have gone both ways - good and bad.

One, who I thought would be the worst after being with her for 2 years actually came to my aid after a car accident when I was hospitalised. She could not do enough for me. (This was maybe a year after we'd broken up - but had kept in touch). She turned out to be one of my best friends.

Another one, I know I can never go back to her hoime town again. Vicious, vindictive and with plenty of friends and connections.

TBH, there can be a lot of drama here over a break up, especially after you have been sleeping together. More so if she has told friends and family that she will be marrying you in the future. That can lead to a massive loss of face especially if they are boasting about it and making more of it than you know about - in that case you could expect some repercussions.

Odd that when they break up / divorce a Thai man it seems acceptable in the main, yet to lose a Foreigner it seems to be a whole different kettle of fish. Be prepared to accept you might not be able to go back to that city / town / place again.

Yet only you know her and can guage her true reaction - drama queen or a real threat.

[Beetlejuice]

“I came to Thailand, started a relationship and am now returning home”

The girl is right.

If the OP was having sexual relations with this girl, and giving her the semblance of this becoming a permanent relationship, than the OP was in fact using her to suit at the time, and if from the beginning he was uncertain of his time period in Thailand, than morally speaking, he should never had began a close relationship with her.

This is a sort of; well, you served a purpose while I was here, but it`s time for me to move on now, byeeee.

If the OP cannot see the errors of his ways, and probably the hurt he has caused this girl, than he still has a lot to learn.

I am sure this pertains to relationships worldwide, not only in Thailand. People have emotions and feelings wherever they come from.

She's 29,no Thai guy will even give her a second look at that age,she should be grateful.She'll be trawling Soi 4 soon or pitching punters next to the Nana BTS stairs!

You`re brain dead comments are not even worth replying to.

You forgot to tell us all your son's a policeman!

Yes, and his arm is long and his vengeance is total. He has the addresses of all Thai visa members in his little red book, so watch it.

[Beetlejuice]

“I came to Thailand, started a relationship and am now returning home” The girl is right. If the OP was having sexual relations with this girl, and giving her the semblance of this becoming a permanent relationship, than the OP was in fact using her to suit at the time, and if from the beginning he was uncertain of his time period in Thailand, than morally speaking, he should never had began a close relationship with her. This is a sort of; well, you served a purpose while I was here, but it`s time for me to move on now, byeeee. If the OP cannot see the errors of his ways, and probably the hurt he has caused this girl, than he still has a lot to learn. I am sure this pertains to relationships worldwide, not only in Thailand. People have emotions and feelings wherever they come from.

She's 29,no Thai guy will even give her a second look at that age,she should be grateful.She'll be trawling Soi 4 soon or pitching punters next to the Nana BTS stairs!

You`re brain dead comments are not even worth replying to.

You forgot to tell us all your son's a policeman!

Yes, and his arm is long and his vengeance is total. He has the addresses of all Thai visa members in his little red book, so watch it.

Your name must on top, i reckon !!

It seems my name is everywhere, next to all those quote marks.

[YeahSiam]

Look, Dude, you did not do the appropriate cultural thing -- you messed around with a nice girl, and now you want to dump her. That's a NO NO in Thailand. That comes as a surprise to a lot of guys who think the easygoing sex scene in some quarters pertains to the whoe society. She's losing big face because of you.

Dude, that's tantamount to saying that as soon as you enter a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with a "good girl", you're more or less committing to marry her at some point in the future and that's ridiculous. Thai guys don't do it, why should farangs?

I know several Thai men who play the field with so-called "good girls" with little in the way of drama when they end the relationship.

It's amusing how so many of us accuse Thai women of being pathological liars yet we can't credit them with the ability to tell their families/friends that THEY - not the guy - ended the relationship if they're so keen to save face.

[David48]

Many times I got asked by English speaking Thais :Is this your wife?"

Answering from a British perspective I would answer "Not Yet."

She let me know this was the wrong answer

OK we'd been together over 6 months, but I was answering from a legal point of view.

Trust me living together over a few months.

She thinks you are married

This advice warrants a second viewing ...

.

[benalibina]

To adapt or to be 1 self ?

[Eesat]

Realise that the sweet,loving Thai girl you once knew has gone forever and assume you will now be facing a violent,psycopathic,hell-bent on destruction,Thai version of Chuckie from now on!

And I really thought in the beginning you were a sweet lovely girl. Now reading this is I'm not sure about you Eesat anymore...

Mate I've mentioned this on another thread but I'm a 6'0",110kg/17 stone guy,no idea what makes you think I'm a girl is it the username or what?

!4 replies to this topic, your obviously well experienced in breaking up with Thai women.

I certainly don't boast on here about conning poor Thai girls out of free dinners though,unlike you!

Edited June 19, 2013 by Eesat

[theblether]

^^ That one is going right over my head.

Anyway, how many Thai ladies have booted you out then Eesat? Prove your credentials and expertise to the OP.

I bet it's loads cos they couldn't handle your tantrums.

[bangkokstick]

If she is cute give her contact number when you leave please, I'm sure to know how to help her to forget you quickly :-)

555+

[rene123]

“I came to Thailand, started a relationship and am now returning home”

The girl is right.

If the OP was having sexual relations with this girl, and giving her the semblance of this becoming a permanent relationship, than the OP was in fact using her to suit at the time, and if from the beginning he was uncertain of his time period in Thailand, than morally speaking, he should never had began a close relationship with her.

This is a sort of; well, you served a purpose while I was here, but it`s time for me to move on now, byeeee.

If the OP cannot see the errors of his ways, and probably the hurt he has caused this girl, than he still has a lot to learn.

I am sure this pertains to relationships worldwide, not only in Thailand. People have emotions and feelings wherever they come from.

Although nobody really knows all the details, and we can only surmise what has happened from the OP's version, I tend to agree with Beetlejuice. Western men see things from a westerner's viewpoint of relationships.

It's not the same in Thailand. Proper Thai girls don't sleep with western men unless they think it is a serious relationship. No matter what is said, proper Thai girls take it very seriously when they have sex. It is probably like it was for teenagers in our parents day.

The Thai bar girls have far more in common with the free love western girls, and that is where western men make their mistake. A bloke from Australia, the UK or North America is used to having short term relationships with western women. And, the western women also understand the game. Sure there are hurt feelings, but everyone gets over it in a hurry. I think the pain goes far deeper when it comes to young Thai women.

[BookMan]

... A bloke from Australia, the UK or North America is used to having short term relationships with western women...

I think a lot of the blokes you mention, who come to Thailand, come for the very reason that they CANNOT get any short term relationships with Western Women

[canman]

Op, what do you think her reaction would be if you asked her to come to the states with you while you completed your degree? If you are confident that she would reject this then it may be a good but risky strategy to exit gracefully.

She woud be able to save face as you have offered her a way to continue the relationship but she now had the choice to decline. Just a thought.

[Jasun]

There's a Thai saying, rot fai bai saam sip bee - the train leaves at 30. Meaning, if you want to find Mr Right, you've only got until your 30th birthday. How old is your girlfriend?