Making up in Thailand

[SteeleJoe]

"Moreover, I will add that Thais tend to justify and explain a lot of things by saying Thai people do this, Thai people do that. So I've often felt inclined to contextualize things using culture because that's how things are being phrased to me. Your milage may vary, of course. "

Correct responses to people who say "People X do this, People X do that" are as follows:

1) Since when do People X have a monopoly on what is beneficial and/or rational? Especially given that People X's contribution to the sum of knowledge, wisdom and culture to the world tends towards zero.

2) Why do People X always seem to do things that are blindingly stupid and/or unbeneficial?

3) People Y do the other, and I prefer the way People Y do it, for no other reason than that they do it that way.

And when they say "But we are in Thailand", you say "Since when did geographical location bear any causal relation to what is rational and/or beneficial?

Couldn't agree more. And a couple more:

If ever advised to return to one's country of origin:

4) When the tens (maybe hundreds) of thousands of Thais living in western countries return to Thailand, then I'll return home.

If ever made to consider that by arguing with one Thai person, somehow you're insulting all Thai people:

5) I don't have a problem with Thai people -- I like Thai people. I have a problem with you, because you're doing x,y and z.

You couldn't agree more?

Your girlfriend always does things that are blindingly stupid and/or unbeneficial? You prefer the way westerners do things for no other reason than the fact that westerners do it? You think that the indigenous culture of the country you live in has no relevance at all? You actually think a reasonable response to someone citing their cultural values would be to say that Thais' contribution to the sum of knowledge, wisdom and culture to the world tends towards zero?

OK, then. I wonder how things will work out with your GF...

[aTomsLife]

"Moreover, I will add that Thais tend to justify and explain a lot of things by saying Thai people do this, Thai people do that. So I've often felt inclined to contextualize things using culture because that's how things are being phrased to me. Your milage may vary, of course. "

Correct responses to people who say "People X do this, People X do that" are as follows:

1) Since when do People X have a monopoly on what is beneficial and/or rational? Especially given that People X's contribution to the sum of knowledge, wisdom and culture to the world tends towards zero.

2) Why do People X always seem to do things that are blindingly stupid and/or unbeneficial?

3) People Y do the other, and I prefer the way People Y do it, for no other reason than that they do it that way.

And when they say "But we are in Thailand", you say "Since when did geographical location bear any causal relation to what is rational and/or beneficial?

Couldn't agree more. And a couple more:

If ever advised to return to one's country of origin:

4) When the tens (maybe hundreds) of thousands of Thais living in western countries return to Thailand, then I'll return home.

If ever made to consider that by arguing with one Thai person, somehow you're insulting all Thai people:

5) I don't have a problem with Thai people -- I like Thai people. I have a problem with you, because you're doing x,y and z.

You couldn't agree more?

Your girlfriend always does things that are blindingly stupid and/or unbeneficial? You prefer the way westerners do things for no other reason than the fact that westerners do it? You think that the indigenous culture of the country you live in has no relevance at all? You actually think a reasonable response to someone citing their cultural values would be to say that Thais' contribution to the sum of knowledge, wisdom and culture to the world tends towards zero?

OK, then. I wonder how things will work out with your GF...

In the context of being forced into an engagement, yes, I couldn't agree more with 1 and 2. You've caught me out there with 3; I suppose I should have read that one closer.

[SteeleJoe]

"Moreover, I will add that Thais tend to justify and explain a lot of things by saying Thai people do this, Thai people do that. So I've often felt inclined to contextualize things using culture because that's how things are being phrased to me. Your milage may vary, of course. "

Correct responses to people who say "People X do this, People X do that" are as follows:

1) Since when do People X have a monopoly on what is beneficial and/or rational? Especially given that People X's contribution to the sum of knowledge, wisdom and culture to the world tends towards zero.

2) Why do People X always seem to do things that are blindingly stupid and/or unbeneficial?

3) People Y do the other, and I prefer the way People Y do it, for no other reason than that they do it that way.

And when they say "But we are in Thailand", you say "Since when did geographical location bear any causal relation to what is rational and/or beneficial?

Couldn't agree more. And a couple more:

If ever advised to return to one's country of origin:

4) When the tens (maybe hundreds) of thousands of Thais living in western countries return to Thailand, then I'll return home.

If ever made to consider that by arguing with one Thai person, somehow you're insulting all Thai people:

5) I don't have a problem with Thai people -- I like Thai people. I have a problem with you, because you're doing x,y and z.

You couldn't agree more?

Your girlfriend always does things that are blindingly stupid and/or unbeneficial? You prefer the way westerners do things for no other reason than the fact that westerners do it? You think that the indigenous culture of the country you live in has no relevance at all? You actually think a reasonable response to someone citing their cultural values would be to say that Thais' contribution to the sum of knowledge, wisdom and culture to the world tends towards zero?

OK, then. I wonder how things will work out with your GF...

In the context of being forced into an engagement, yes, I couldn't agree more with 1 and 2. You've caught me out there with 3; I suppose I should have read that one closer.

Well, I'm surprised. You seemed to be a bright and rational person.

But anyone who would be involved with someone who they think always does things that are blindingly stupid and/or unbeneficial (and that that applies to her whole country) and who prefers certain ways just because that's the way westerners do it (as opposed to thinking it is better or worse on it's own merits) is, in my opinion, neither bright nor rational.

Then again, why would my opinion matter even the slightest bit? Good luck with that (though your GF needs luck even more, perhaps!)

[aTomsLife]

You couldn't agree more?

Your girlfriend always does things that are blindingly stupid and/or unbeneficial? You prefer the way westerners do things for no other reason than the fact that westerners do it? You think that the indigenous culture of the country you live in has no relevance at all? You actually think a reasonable response to someone citing their cultural values would be to say that Thais' contribution to the sum of knowledge, wisdom and culture to the world tends towards zero?

OK, then. I wonder how things will work out with your GF...

In the context of being forced into an engagement, yes, I couldn't agree more with 1 and 2. You've caught me out there with 3; I suppose I should have read that one closer.

Well, I'm surprised. You seemed to be a bright and rational person.

But anyone who would be involved with someone who they think always does things that are blindingly stupid and/or unbeneficial (and that that applies to her whole country) and who prefers certain ways just because that's the way westerners do it (as opposed to thinking it is better or worse on it's own merits) is, in my opinion, neither bright nor rational.

Then again, why would my opinion matter even the slightest bit? Good luck with that (though your GF needs luck even more, perhaps!)

My foot isn't all that tasty today. Think I'll do my best to keep it out of my mouth going forward.

[chrisartist]

"Moreover, I will add that Thais tend to justify and explain a lot of things by saying Thai people do this, Thai people do that. So I've often felt inclined to contextualize things using culture because that's how things are being phrased to me. Your milage may vary, of course. "

Correct responses to people who say "People X do this, People X do that" are as follows:

1) Since when do People X have a monopoly on what is beneficial and/or rational? Especially given that People X's contribution to the sum of knowledge, wisdom and culture to the world tends towards zero.

2) Why do People X always seem to do things that are blindingly stupid and/or unbeneficial?

3) People Y do the other, and I prefer the way People Y do it, for no other reason than that they do it that way.

And when they say "But we are in Thailand", you say "Since when did geographical location bear any causal relation to what is rational and/or beneficial?

Couldn't agree more. And a couple more:

If ever advised to return to one's country of origin:

4) When the tens (maybe hundreds) of thousands of Thais living in western countries return to Thailand, then I'll return home.

If ever made to consider that by arguing with one Thai person, somehow you're insulting all Thai people:

5) I don't have a problem with Thai people -- I like Thai people. I have a problem with you, because you're doing x,y and z.

You couldn't agree more?

Your girlfriend always does things that are blindingly stupid and/or unbeneficial? You prefer the way westerners do things for no other reason than the fact that westerners do it? You think that the indigenous culture of the country you live in has no relevance at all? You actually think a reasonable response to someone citing their cultural values would be to say that Thais' contribution to the sum of knowledge, wisdom and culture to the world tends towards zero?

OK, then. I wonder how things will work out with your GF...

In the context of being forced into an engagement, yes, I couldn't agree more with 1 and 2. You've caught me out there with 3; I suppose I should have read that one closer.

Well, the underlying point of (3) is that doing it the way of People Y simply because they say they do it that way is exactly equivalent, with respect to its epistemic warrant, to doing it the way of People X simply because they say they do it that way; in essence, saying "We do it this way" provides no epistemic warrant whatsoever. (Consider lemmings, which "do it this way" by committing mass suicide, or sheep, which "do it this way" by jumping off a cliff en masse if they are driven towards one.) If the person to whom you say (3) cannot see this underlying point, perhaps one would be wise to not engage in any sort of serious conversation with them.

[kevvy]

Andrew , since you told you great story will you be inviting us members to your wedding ? good luck in the future , i am sure you dont need luck .

[chrisartist]

With respect to ironing out cultural differences and achieving compromises, I have found the following:

1) Minor differences can be ironed out and compromise achieved;

2) The closer you get to the basis of the relationship and the fundamental values of a culture, the less chance you have of achieving compromise. I've found in this case that it is perfectly possible to have what seems initially to be a perfectly reasonable chat about something and think that it has been sorted out, only to find a few weeks later that nothing has actually changed at all. Even among individuals who would be considered mavericks, outsiders, or free thinkers in their country, there comes a point at which they will dig their heels in or hide their head in the sand, despite being presented with supremely rational, well-balanced and tactfully presented arguments. (But this, surely, is no different from people who hold radically different points of view within a culture.)

I am tempted to think that you simply either hit it off or you don't. If you do, you're set for life. If you don't, you're in for a lifetime of pain. The most important thing is to detect signs of not hitting it off early on, and act on them. Above all, act on instinct when things seem to be not quite right. Walk away and wait for the next one.

[zeichen]

I can honestly say that I have never experienced any cultural differences or issues with my wife or from her family. I think the important thing as others have stated is that if your core principles, life goals, methods of approach to achieving goals are similar you will have very little trouble. I think the other real issue I hear in the OP's writing is an issue of respect.

I personally don't think that the OP fully respects the perspective of his girl friend or even knows it. The OP is equally as head strong thinking that his way of doing things and his belief system are the way it should work for both of them.

My wife and I differ on many things and reach obstacles where compromise is in order. I must say that compromise goes back and forth depending on the issue. It truly depends on the logic that each of use to choose our method.

Personally, I think if the OP really doesn't have any plans on marrying this girl, he should move on. Long term dating for the sake of companionship isn't what this girl seems to be about. There are many women that like dating and enjoy long term relationships without need for marriage or a life long commitment. Perhaps knowing this before dating should have been a priority.

I do fundamentally see that this relationship will have issues and it seems that the OP is always correct in his own belief structure as it is superior to anything local Thais can come up with. I also don't think that his girl friend is all that great if she throws the fallang card around. I personally wouldn't be involved with a woman if her or her family viewed me as anything but the man I am. It doesn't bother some, but sure would bother me. Kind of like how some are offended by sin sod and others not. I really do hate how all Thai customs, traditions and people are painted with such a broad brush in this thread.

"Because I didn't have to pay sinsod only idiots and desperate foreigners pay it." I really hate reading this kind of garbage.

Do you think that any Thai man has ever been upset about giving Sin Sod? And don't give me they need to respect my culture equally garbage because in western countries dowry had been a long time institution also.

[EyesWideOpen]

I can honestly say that I have never experienced any cultural differences or issues with my wife or from her family. I think the important thing as others have stated is that if your core principles, life goals, methods of approach to achieving goals are similar you will have very little trouble. I think the other real issue I hear in the OP's writing is an issue of respect.

I personally don't think that the OP fully respects the perspective of his girl friend or even knows it. The OP is equally as head strong thinking that his way of doing things and his belief system are the way it should work for both of them.

My wife and I differ on many things and reach obstacles where compromise is in order. I must say that compromise goes back and forth depending on the issue. It truly depends on the logic that each of use to choose our method.

Personally, I think if the OP really doesn't have any plans on marrying this girl, he should move on. Long term dating for the sake of companionship isn't what this girl seems to be about. There are many women that like dating and enjoy long term relationships without need for marriage or a life long commitment. Perhaps knowing this before dating should have been a priority.

I do fundamentally see that this relationship will have issues and it seems that the OP is always correct in his own belief structure as it is superior to anything local Thais can come up with. I also don't think that his girl friend is all that great if she throws the fallang card around. I personally wouldn't be involved with a woman if her or her family viewed me as anything but the man I am. It doesn't bother some, but sure would bother me. Kind of like how some are offended by sin sod and others not. I really do hate how all Thai customs, traditions and people are painted with such a broad brush in this thread.

"Because I didn't have to pay sinsod only idiots and desperate foreigners pay it." I really hate reading this kind of garbage.

Do you think that any Thai man has ever been upset about giving Sin Sod? And don't give me they need to respect my culture equally garbage because in western countries dowry had been a long time institution also.

Psst....in western countries the family of the daughter pays a dowry to the future husband so he will marry her. But that topic has been beaten to death on TV..... Regarding relationships in Thailand, people here need to stop seeing this issue as a Thai / farang problem. The issues are much deeper and fundamental and involve the interaction between a man and a woman. If you only see this in a Thai context, you are basically lost. Wear the pants in the family, and your relationship will be stronger, and she will love you more. Appear weak by buckling under to every demand by her, and caving into demands by greedy relatives, will only make you look weak in her eyes, and she will not respect you.

Edited June 27, 2013 by EyesWideOpen

[SinglePot]

to the OP

Tom, this all looks a bit complicated to me. 16 pages from 'breaking up' and now 3 pages already on 'making up'.

In your first post you said: 'She is ambitious herself, career advancement is everything to her.'

Is this relevant for your future? Are you ok with the concept?

Would you be content with a partner who is less devoted to her career and more devoted to yours?

My advice would be if you are madly in love with her continue to go for it.

Only you will know.

[aTomsLife]

You couldn't agree more?

Your girlfriend always does things that are blindingly stupid and/or unbeneficial? You prefer the way westerners do things for no other reason than the fact that westerners do it? You think that the indigenous culture of the country you live in has no relevance at all? You actually think a reasonable response to someone citing their cultural values would be to say that Thais' contribution to the sum of knowledge, wisdom and culture to the world tends towards zero?

OK, then. I wonder how things will work out with your GF...

In the context of being forced into an engagement, yes, I couldn't agree more with 1 and 2. You've caught me out there with 3; I suppose I should have read that one closer.

Well, the underlying point of (3) is that doing it the way of People Y simply because they say they do it that way is exactly equivalent, with respect to its epistemic warrant, to doing it the way of People X simply because they say they do it that way; in essence, saying "We do it this way" provides no epistemic warrant whatsoever. (Consider lemmings, which "do it this way" by committing mass suicide, or sheep, which "do it this way" by jumping off a cliff en masse if they are driven towards one.) If the person to whom you say (3) cannot see this underlying point, perhaps one would be wise to not engage in any sort of serious conversation with them.

Thank you for taking the time to explain. I do indeed agree with you, and see that you don't actually mean you do things a certain way for no other reason than westerners do things that way. You've simply countered a line of reasoning using the same logic while just substituting the ideas. At this point I'm unsure if I caught your meaning the first time and was persuaded otherwise by SJ. I've received so much good, but varied, advice on this board it's becoming near impossible to keep it all straight in my head. There can indeed be too much of a good thing sometimes.

I'd also like to say, I'm not typically a Thai basher and I do very much see the value in the culture here. (not that I'm accusing you of being a Thai basher yourself). I doubt I'm the only one who has ever had a bad day and in consequence developed and us-vs-them mentality for a time. I don't think that's the healthy way to go about things, and regret my hypocrisy.

[aTomsLife]

Personally, I think if the OP really doesn't have any plans on marrying this girl, he should move on. Long term dating for the sake of companionship isn't what this girl seems to be about. There are many women that like dating and enjoy long term relationships without need for marriage or a life long commitment. Perhaps knowing this before dating should have been a priority.

But why should I have to make the decision to marry her now? When I was thinking of leaving, I could see the point in either making definite plans for the future or ending it. But now that I've reversed those plans and intend to stay, why rush into marriage? I don't think 10 months in a sufficient amount of time to make that decision. This is what I mean about compromise.

[aTomsLife]

to the OP

Tom, this all looks a bit complicated to me. 16 pages from 'breaking up' and now 3 pages already on 'making up'.

In your first post you said: 'She is ambitious herself, career advancement is everything to her.'

Is this relevant for your future? Are you ok with the concept?

Would you be content with a partner who is less devoted to her career and more devoted to yours?

My advice would be if you are madly in love with her continue to go for it.

Only you will know.

This is one of the few points that isn't complicated at all for me. Her ambition and career goals are perfectly fine. I only complained because I felt like she wasn't allowing me the same freedoms to pursue such advancement for myself. Cheers.

[NeverSure]

Tom, without being offensive, what I read in your above points are 'work' orientated; work histories, similar jobs, decent positions.

This is a very small part of marriage mate!

IMHO. you need to be looking at how compatible you both are living together, making joint decisions, happy in yourselves with the subject of focus being home life and not work related. Sure, you have a bit of common ground there, but there is a lot more to co-existing.

You, or she do not know how the dice will roll during the coming years/ rest of your lives in your occupations......................

Great points, thanks. I've known her but 10 months, so I'm not even remotely close to proposing marriage. As you've highlighted, there's much I don't yet know about the situation. This next year hopefully will tell much more. If we have the same problems going forward as we did during the "courtship" so to speak, I don't see marriage as a practical solution to those problems, despite the cultural implications. At this point I feel little pressure. Simply put, I'm willing to try my best for her and am hoping for the best.

But I'm not getting guilt tripped into marriage, nor should anyone.

Cheers.

I agree. The best marriages I've seen, the people were opposites. Two completely different sets of talents and abilities. That way each recognizes what the other can do for them, and lets them have at it. It's something they don't want to do anyway.

The last thing you want IMHO is to be too much alike and compete. That's a recipe for arguments IMHO.

But then, I never understand why anyone would get married in Thailand. You don't really have any rights, the gal and family usually have high hopes, and besides, you're walking into a candy store (Thailand) and picking out one piece of candy for the rest of your life. And it may not taste all that good once you get it home.

Oh well.

Edited June 28, 2013 by NeverSure

[SinglePot]

to the OP

Tom, this all looks a bit complicated to me. 16 pages from 'breaking up' and now 3 pages already on 'making up'.

In your first post you said: 'She is ambitious herself, career advancement is everything to her.'

Is this relevant for your future? Are you ok with the concept?

Would you be content with a partner who is less devoted to her career and more devoted to yours?

My advice would be if you are madly in love with her continue to go for it.

Only you will know.

This is one of the few points that isn't complicated at all for me. Her ambition and career goals are perfectly fine. I only complained because I felt like she wasn't allowing me the same freedoms to pursue such advancement for myself. Cheers.

Looks a bit like one way traffic Tom?

as for Thai western compromise etc. my experience is Thais don't bend easily. drag them out of their comfort zone and they resent and then snap.

My wife is a non career orientated thai btw

up to you sir

all the best

[watcharacters]

Andrew , since you told you great story will you be inviting us members to your wedding ? good luck in the future , i am sure you dont need luck .

.

You haven't received your invitation yet?

[varun]

I went back to your 'Breaking Up in Thailand' thread, and it appears that she put you on the backburner for a while, during the 'friends' phase.

However, now that you're hinting at signs of moving on, she's trying to hold on to whatever she has.

If she is holding you back career-wise, and conveniently chooses to put her interests above your's, then forget about marrying her.
She's not worth your time. Sever the knot, follow your career goals, and move on.

[Khunangkaro]

#68 zeichen

Posted June 27, 19:50

..........Personally, I think if the OP really doesn't have any plans on marrying this girl, he SHOULD MOVE ON. Long term dating for the sake of companionship isn't what this girl seems to be about. There are many women that like dating and enjoy long term relationships without need for marriage or a life long commitment. Perhaps knowing this before dating should have been a priority......[end quote]

Hallo "zeichen" wake up. What you advice the OP("Tom"), he&she got just so!

BOTH are not interested in marriage.

Tom makes clear to have no(t yet) interest to marry.

GF same, because so far a visit to her parents is not mentioned and I wonder if Tom was introduced to GF's best friend(s).

(My questions about this in former thread were not answered.)

SO IMHU, Long term (free) dating for the sake of companionship IS what this girl (AND Tom) seem(s) to be about.

Tom, I'm interested to know if you both have clear stances here. For GF might be culturally impossible to admit.

Tom, often things are not said but known. Cannot be outspoken TIT.

Just enjoy your time TIT.

Edited June 28, 2013 by Khunangkaro

[aTomsLife]

As you say Khunangkaro, for me it's a resounding no at the moment, seeing as I count the time I've known my GF in months, not years.

She would like to marry one day, but she's not pressing for it immediately either. Perhaps a week ago she was closer than she is now, given the talks we've had. Now she realizes I'm not as situated as she'd like me to be. I told her I can't promise her marriage, but am happy to continue working at the relationship and moving in that direction. So, with regard to the future, I guess it's a definite maybe.

Edited June 28, 2013 by aTomsLife

[SinglePot]

page 4

Analysis paralysis

Edited June 28, 2013 by SinglePot

[Cheapcharly]

now 4 years with my lady. not married but I think it s better like this.

not a gogo...

I explained her having me at home all year won't be good.

not many good jobs in usa or Europe, crisis will come to hit us again.

I prefer to have her in Thailand than Europe or usa. if I m in big problem, I can move to Thailand,.. it s easier for me to move, get visa and money for travel. pretty much I can decide to live today and be in thailand tomorrow... i don't need a visa.

keep your relationship simple for now... you will see in 3 or 5 years if your relation is better or worse.

[blazes]

A sin sod only pertains to those guys stupid and desperate enough to pay it.

I consider myself neither stupid nor desperate and a SinSot will be paid to honour the Parents.

... Sinsod if you look at the history was a tradition that was done to honor the mother for the mike she gave to bring up her daughter it was a small amount and done in most private. ...

So Scottythai, I just wish to confirm that you consider 'SinSot' as compensation for the mike milk the Mother has given to feed the young child?

Presuming that 'mike ' was meant to be typed as 'milk'?

Just trying to add to my knowledge base.

A good mate of mine here swore blind that it was paid a compensation for taking the 'virginity of the Bride'.

We disagreed and agreed to disagree ... no problems ...

Maybe Scottythai, we might have to come to a similar arrangement.

OP ... feel free to guide us away from the SinSot debate at any time.

.

I once had a gf in Roi Et (a teacher, earning v good money). She kept telling me day after day that sin sot was a kind of "compensation" first for "mother's milk" and then for virginity.

I told her that that was nonsense in any culture. I mean, what does any mother on the planet, since the beginning of creation, do <deleted> but give her baby the tit or (in more modern times) the bottle. Normal, natural, and why should anyone feel the need to compensate his or her mama for a few square meals when a baby??

She was also playing off Thai guys against farangs in this sin sot game. She told me that a policeman [sic] had offered her 500k sin sot. She had refused. I guess I was supposed to see this as a "hint" that I should pay at least 600k. Sorry, I said, and had another look in Thai Love Links. (When I last talked to her, she said her mother wanted 1 million baht!!)

I believe she now is attempting to milk some Scotsman of his (hopefully) well-earned wealth. Good luck, Mac. Meanwhile she is fast approaching her 40th birthday.

[Cheapcharly]

I want 2 millions bahts for my sin thing...

and i am Virgin. 100% untouched.!

ok ladies, line up a sign,your cheap charlie need some money.

[megaworldasia]

I'm probably going to stir up a hornets nest with this but no matter as the facts of how things are in his country often get peoples noses out of joint.

When a Thai person says to me that "I don't understand Thai culture," I'm quick t reply "you're right and from what I've seen of it I'm glad I don't." The main reason I'm not interested in a relationship with a Thai woman is because of the pecking order baloney. When any Thai person has to interact with another Thai person the first consideration is always the social status or pecking order. Who is perceived as being higher or lower is always the key determinant and from that all the false nonsense ensues. Who has a better job, earns more money, lives in a better area, has a better education, has better family connections and so and so on. It's all so bloody shallow and superficial. If you come from England, and are used to this sort of nonsense, then I guess you might be able to go along with it but for most from down under it's all so bloody shallow and false. The main preoccupation for so many Thais seems to be one's image or how you look. They always talk about "looking smart." Image and status are more important than intellectual substance and accountability. And from this that other load of baloney "face" ensues. The real reasons why it's so many farangs are always having to make up with their Thai woman is because of the face nonsense. Face creates a mindset in a Thai whereby they absolutely hate losing in a disagreement or admitting they're wrong. It creates unreasonableness, stubbornness and inflexible thinking. How does any intelligent, reasonable thinking person deal with that? I'll tell you; by understanding you're trying to negotiate with someone with the emotional maturity of a 16 year old high school girl. Once you see it you'll realize it's a complete waste of time trying to rationalize with them. Save yourself the angst and stress by showing them the door and stay single.

[David48]

I'm probably going to stir up a hornets nest with this but no matter as the facts of how things are in his country often get peoples noses out of joint.

When a Thai person says to me that "I don't understand Thai culture," I'm quick t reply "you're right and from what I've seen of it I'm glad I don't."

<snip>

Certainly an interesting comment.

Do you currently live in Thailand?

Do you plan to stay in Thailand a long time?

I actually like the company of a lady ... if you don't go for Thai ... what is your Plan B?

.

[megaworldasia]

I'm probably going to stir up a hornets nest with this but no matter as the facts of how things are in his country often get peoples noses out of joint.

When a Thai person says to me that "I don't understand Thai culture," I'm quick t reply "you're right and from what I've seen of it I'm glad I don't."

<snip>

Certainly an interesting comment.

Do you currently live in Thailand?

Yes

Do you plan to stay in Thailand a long time?

Been there 20 years already

I actually like the company of a lady ... if you don't go for Thai ... what is your Plan B?

Probably move to Vung Tau...soon

.

[iancnx]

A sin sod only pertains to those guys stupid and desperate enough to pay it.

I consider myself neither stupid nor desperate and a SinSot will be paid to honour the Parents.

... Sinsod if you look at the history was a tradition that was done to honor the mother for the mike she gave to bring up her daughter it was a small amount and done in most private. ...

So Scottythai, I just wish to confirm that you consider 'SinSot' as compensation for the mike milk the Mother has given to feed the young child?

Presuming that 'mike ' was meant to be typed as 'milk'?

Just trying to add to my knowledge base.

A good mate of mine here swore blind that it was paid a compensation for taking the 'virginity of the Bride'.

We disagreed and agreed to disagree ... no problems ...

Maybe Scottythai, we might have to come to a similar arrangement.

OP ... feel free to guide us away from the SinSot debate at any time.

.

I once had a gf in Roi Et (a teacher, earning v good money). She kept telling me day after day that sin sot was a kind of "compensation" first for "mother's milk" and then for virginity.

I told her that that was nonsense in any culture. I mean, what does any mother on the planet, since the beginning of creation, do &lt;deleted&gt; but give her baby the tit or (in more modern times) the bottle. Normal, natural, and why should anyone feel the need to compensate his or her mama for a few square meals when a baby??

She was also playing off Thai guys against farangs in this sin sot game. She told me that a policeman [sic] had offered her 500k sin sot. She had refused. I guess I was supposed to see this as a "hint" that I should pay at least 600k. Sorry, I said, and had another look in Thai Love Links. (When I last talked to her, she said her mother wanted 1 million baht!!)

I believe she now is attempting to milk some Scotsman of his (hopefully) well-earned wealth. Good luck, Mac. Meanwhile she is fast approaching her 40th birthday.

And NOT a virgin!

[boowahday]

It is NOT nonsense except from your limited point of view - this is the way it is done here. Age and "virgin" status has nothing to do with it - dowry prices and customs vary from place to place but completely up to her mother to negotiate.

Feel free to try to land a girls without paying if you like, some guys find girls willing to go along with the strange "get it for free" customs of our culture, but they are usually expecting to more than make up for it "on the back end" and (I think) are much more likely to outright scam you down the road than your Roi Et teacher.

And "very good money"? A teacher in Roi Et?

[zeichen]

Khunangkaro:"Hallo "zeichen" wake up. What you advice the OP("Tom"), he&she got just so!
BOTH are not interested in marriage."

Apparently you didn't read the OP's first post on his relationship. Why would a woman be upset for him going to study for a year or two if she didn't want to eventually take the relationship further?

I didn't say anything about getting married. I said plan on it. If he has no plans/designs to marry this woman, then it would be wrong to string her along.

The other issue is that she pulled the typical passive aggressive manipulation and it worked. His life is pretty much over at this point. If he loves her and doesn't want to give her up, she will use that to get whatever she wants.

Though I know not this woman, from what the OP wrote in the other thread and this one is that she really isn't interested in long term dating. Dating for her is something more than just enjoying each other but it is building for something more. Otherwise she wouldn't have said the things that she did in the other thread.

I still think that if you actually love this woman and would like something more with her eventually, then yes do what it takes. But if your only goal is to stay with her so that you are not lonely, that is selfish. As my grandmother would say, shoot, shit or get off the pot.

[SinglePot]

I thought this topic had ended at #80.

your grandmother was right