Another Awful Cross-Border Relationship Story - Need "Legal" Counsel/Advise pl...

[OttoSling]

I have been in a long distance relationship with an educated, working Thai girl (early 30s) for almost 2 years. She’s not an ex-bargirl – I haven’t had it verified but I am almost certain having known her for so long. We met on a dating website (she claims she was on the site only to practice her english) - in the initial stages it was only a “friendship”. However she quickly pitched in “the question” almost within 10 days of our online chats … asking me if I was going to be “only a friend or was I interested in a little more than friends”. I answered that my interest for the time being was only friendship – especially since I was just getting out of a broken marriage with a divorce in court. But she smartly maneuvered my answer and got me into saying “ok yes we are a couple”. I haven’t stopped regretting this stupid mistake made 2 years ago ever since.

Within 2 months in the relationship she gifted me a very expensive gold ring. I have never got such an expensive gift so I didn’t want to accept it when the relationship was so early. I am a middle class Indian and I am not used to exchanging expensive presents in early stages of a relationship at all, so I was uncomfortable. But she got very upset and said “it was a sign of her love and that if I didn’t accept it I was insulting her” etc. So I had to keep it very carefully since then.

Through the early days I decided to give it a try even though I had some doubts – she came across as a lovely, lively girl with values I respected and I started piecing together dreams of a new life with her in my mind. I went ahead and introduced her to my family and so has she, we have both travelled between Thailand and India several times in course of the last year or so – on an average spending around 10-15days together each time. Once we spent 40 days together. Otherwise our interactions are over things like Skype, LINE, WhatsApp, SMS etc.

However over the last year or so I have been subjected to inhuman pressure tactics and emotional blackmail by this person and I no longer feel that this relationship is a healthy one. I have made several attempts at ending it in a nice civil way by means of discussion and dialogue. She displays extremely violent and uncontrolled behavior every time I have tried to stop this relationship and has been constantly threatening me and taking uncivil actions to make me lose face among my social and professional circles.

In brief these are a few things that she has done and I have kept very good documentary record of all of these.

1. 2 suicide attempts – 1 in BKK and 2^nd once in my own home in Indian.

2. Produced fake evidence of pregnancy from some small clinic in BKK. When she did the test in my presence it came negative, of course.

3. Hacked my email ID using someone from USA and has taken control of it and checks it regularly.

4. Calls my ex-wife from my phone by pretending to be me and demands all the things I may have given to her when I was married. She has it stuck in her head that I loved my ex-wife more than I ever loved her.

5. Forcibly demanding that I marry her – and soon.

6. Forcibly demanding that I give her money to buy a house in BKK and a Merc and also money to help with her business. Totally to the tune of THB3Mn.

7. Constant emotional blackmailing me with threats to commit suicide, threats to yell and shout in my condo, threats lie on the floor in my office premises etc.

8. Pushed me to buy her expensive presents like a Louis Vuitton bag when I was at the height of a well-known financial crisis involving my fairly high-profile public company.

9. When she is not close to me and I tell her I don’t want to continue, she bangs her head on the corners of walls in her home till she bleeds heavily and then goes to hospital to get treatment.

10. She has attempted to stab me I my own house once. Now she denies it.

For example, within 5 months of knowing each other she started demanding all my email passwords. She said she had a dream that I am having an affair with someone else. I repeatedly denied these accusations and also refused to give her email passwords which contain many communications with old friends, business colleagues, family and even my ex-girlfriends and ex-wife when we were married. I told her that passwords are “private and individual” – but she kept on threatening with dire consequences. This continued every night on webcam from 9PM till 3AM – for almost 15 days! I got totally fed up with so much pushiness and told her that I can’t live in a relationship with her if she insisted on things like this. This made her more upset and she started fighting with me very aggressively saying dirty things like “I have many women with whom I have secret relationships”. I told her that normally well-educated Indian men who come from good homes don’t do such things. Anyway she finally got someone in USA to hack my email ID and downloaded all the emails. I had to delete all contacts in fear that she will contact them by writing strange emails.

She has even told me that I should give her all my bank access details becos there shd be nothing hidden between a husband and a wife – scary frankly (specially to a man who has seen a recent divorce, hey)!!!

This is where her strange behavior was noticed first. I was very uncomfortable to continue further, but later she apologised profusely and told me she will NEVER do this again – many many times. So then after some time we were back to continuing our normal long-distance life over webcam and SMS.

Of course after this several similar incidents have occurred where I found her getting increasingly getting violent and aggressive in her accusations. Her possessiveness also kept getting very strong and uncomfortable.

A small incident at my father’s ENT Doctor’s clinic in India. I had to go to the clinic to collect some batteries for my dad’s hearing aid. Becos of some miscommunication I had to go twice. She didn’t believe this at all when I told her I had to go twice - she insisted I bring doctor on phone and talk to her so that she can re-verify. I refused strongly but in the end, in the face of unthinkable threats I again gave in and had to request the doc to speak with her on the phone – she did though she wasn’t amused (naturally, who would?)

I am constantly being threatened with suicide in my workplace by slashing her throat in full public view – with the intention to malign my name/image. Constantly being stalked on my phone – over 25-30 calls in the span on half an hour etc. It makes it impossible for me to conduct my regular life and business when my phone gets jammed like this. If I don’t answer her calls she calls, she calls my colleagues and neighbours – she has stolen my phone contacts when she visited me last time. I suspect she has Bipolar though she refuses to get checked up. I didnt know all these things initially. Anyway, I have been trying to break-up for over 6/7 months now and she refuses to let go ... and things have gone from bad to worse.

I had finally written a letter to her parents thinking maybe this would be a good, polite way to end the relationship finally. Needless to say that this has aggravated her more .. and so it goes unendingly.

I am not interested in marrying her or continuing this relationship at all. But I am powerless to discuss this with her in a normal civilized manner. Every time I have attempted to breakup with her (almost 20-30times) she has taken some drastic steps. So I am still trying to find out how to do this legally and in a way that doesn’t create nuisance to all my neighbours and colleagues. This girl is not the types who can be handled by simply cutting-off – she knows where I live and she earns well enough to get a visa and fly down and create havoc with my head in my own house in India. She has even "actually" flown all the way from Thailand without informing me landed up at my door and stuff like that ... neighbours & cops got involved and it all got very ugly and embarrassing (last month). And since she is not creating any “public nuisance” the law only sees it as a “personal tiff” so it becomes bloody sub-judice. And I am simply not able to get out of this.

Net net .. she is ultra aggressive. I did consider a serious relationship with her but over the last 6 months am convinced I cannot get into any sort of relation with this girl.

I am trying to find out what my “legal options” in this case are. I have tried to speak to Thai law firms who I found online but they demand a 5000THB fee even to discuss. I need to know my legal “options” before I engage a lawyer in Thailand. Is there anyone who is fairly knowledgeable on these matters in BKK?

She is smart enough to figure that legally speaking she can simply accuse me of "relationship cheating" via my embassy. That is to say I promised to marry her (I did, in good faith - before her bipolar showed up) and then I got bored of her and am trying to fire her. So she is turning this whole thing into a "xxxxxx me and kicked me" case - which I think is unfair but then ... there isnt anything fair in this world any more.

Any help will be EXTREEEEEMELY appreciated, people!! Thank you J

Edited August 10, 2013 by metisdead
3) Not to post in a manner that is vulgar, obscene or profane.

[kevvy]

not another one who writes a book.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Long distance relationship, easiest in the world to end, don't answer your phone, block her calls or buy a new SIM.

Move to a different address.

PS

No way in the world you are Indian, more likely from Trolland.

Edited August 10, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[Gsxrnz]

Run as fast and as far as you can, don't look over your shoulder, change your name, address, passwords.....but above all, RUN!!!!!

And that's not bi-polar, that's pure psycho to the nth degree. Are you running yet?

Edited August 10, 2013 by Gsxrnz

[Gsxrnz]

Long distance relationship, easiest in the world to end, don't answer your phone, block her calls or buy a new SIM.

Move to a different address.

PS

No way in the world you are Indian, more likely from Trolland.

Maybe - but if you read it while you're shaking your head there is a definite accent.

[sustento]

[Briggsy]

I am going to have rigatoni for tea. Beat that.

[DavidBonnie]

change all your details and if she comes to your house don't answer the door.

[chrisinth]

I would normally call troll on a post like this, but just in case, could you confirm what the problem is? Are you planning on working in Thailand and imagine she will cause you problems? IMO, you need to grow a pair and get rid of her. Your 10 point list from your OP:

1. 2 suicide attempts – 1 in BKK and 2^nd once in my own home in Indian.

Make it priority to tell her to cut along the vein or artery instead of across, lot more difficult to repair

2. Produced fake evidence of pregnancy from some small clinic in BKK. When she did the test in my presence it came negative, of course.

Is she pregnant or not? This is the time you should have left

3. Hacked my email ID using someone from USA and has taken control of it and checks it regularly.

BS If you have given her your passwords and usernames, that is not hacking

4. Calls my ex-wife from my phone by pretending to be me and demands all the things I may have given to her when I was married. She has it stuck in her head that I loved my ex-wife more than I ever loved her.

Is your GF male or female? How could she imitate you on a phone conversation? Why does she have access to your ex-wife's phone

number? Text also has a history.

5. Forcibly demanding that I marry her – and soon.

No Comment

6. Forcibly demanding that I give her money to buy a house in BKK and a Merc and also money to help with her business. Totally to the tune of THB3Mn.

3 million baht won't get you anywhere near her goals. Why mention a merc? BS

7. Constant emotional blackmailing me with threats to commit suicide, threats to yell and shout in my condo, threats lie on the floor in my office premises etc.

First point on suicide, see comment 1. the others, No Comment

8. Pushed me to buy her expensive presents like a Louis Vuitton bag when I was at the height of a well-known financial crisis involving my fairly high-profile public company.

Shouldn't accept high priced presents from people you don't know in the first place. Trust your instincts.

9. When she is not close to me and I tell her I don’t want to continue, she bangs her head on the corners of walls in her home till she bleeds heavily and then goes to hospital to get treatment.

CCTV installed? How do you know?

10. She has attempted to stab me I my own house once. Now she denies it.

Perfectly honestly, I could approve a training centre for her that would have achieved the attempt.

[Payboy]

Tell her your parents expect a dowry.

[aussiebebe]

I don't understand what you mean by 'my fairly high-profile public company' but I'm struggling to understand why you are balking at paying a measly 5,000 baht to a Thai lawyer for discussion. It's such as small sum of money and you get to know your rights.

[OttoSling]

Just read all these kind responses ... clarifications/reactions.

@Chisinth

3. Hacked my email ID using someone from USA and has taken control of it and checks it regularly.

BS If you have given her your passwords and usernames, that is not hacking

I said "hacked" - why would I give????

4. Calls my ex-wife from my phone by pretending to be me and demands all the things I may have given to her when I was married. She has it stuck in her head that I loved my ex-wife more than I ever loved her.

Is your GF male or female? How could she imitate you on a phone conversation? Why does she have access to your ex-wife's phone

number? Text also has a history.

We've visited each other several times - she copied stuff when she was over at my place one of these visits. No, she didnt "fake" any conversation - she'd just call blatantly and introduce herself as herself and rant on. Not only ex-wife - she has taken numbers of colleagues, clients, neighbours as well.

9. When she is not close to me and I tell her I don’t want to continue, she bangs her head on the corners of walls in her home till she bleeds heavily and then goes to hospital to get treatment.

CCTV installed? How do you know?

Skype!! I saw it. This is just one incident I mention dude, one time she ate some 'poison' and had herself drooling on webcam for god knows how long. This was long ago. Anyway dont know if she was faking it but it had me in a flap trying to locate BKK hospital's emergency number, speaking and arranging to despatch an ambulance to her place. Of course in the last min she disconnected when the ambulance was at her door. Etc etc etc.

@Few of the other reactions ...

No changing numbers dont help. I did that and she managed to locate my new number (how can anyone do that man!!!) And she isnt a poor bargirl pl understand - she's educated, extremely intelligent, has money and is very well connected with immigration. So she just gets herself packed with 3 days clothes and lands right at my door. This happened when I changed numbers last time. Cops & neighbours got involved and the rest is in my original post already. Doesnt help nah!

Yea yea ... playing mind games I know. But THATS NOT MY POINT!

I am at the end of my tether here and I am seeking a good, correct and a legal solution to this. Just disappearing won't fix this - I have to address it head on and if I need to pay up some "support money" I am ok with it. But I want it all covered by a strong legal construct so that this doesnt keep popping up again and again in the future.

@Aussiebebe ... problem isnt about 5000THB. Thing is I don't know if I'll get a cursory "oh we need to have a detailed session with you to recommend you a suggestion" type answer for 5000THB - many lawyers do that and sitting here I wouldnt know who is. And I am not ok trying this out with 5 law firms and paying each time.

Let me know if any of you are conversant with the legal framework in TH - or if you happen to be connected with someone who you could recommend.

Thank you very much for your time, all.

[pattayadingo]

This is comical.

No one in this situation needs a lawyer. But if you are fool willing enough to pay for one, go ahead.

Or simply change your details.

[OttoSling]

Changing details not helping @pattayadingo I repeat. If I disappear it aggravates her more and she resorts to more risky/outrageous attacks.

Also must mention this ... important

I am not at all interested in attacking her or doing any harm to her in anyway - that is not what I am seeking assistance with.

She isnt a regular bad golddigger girl - doesnt drink or smoke neither does she hang out at bars. Character wise she is clean as clean can get (one of the reasons I got drawn to her in the first place). I also know that she is a "disturbed" person - highly insecure, extremely possessive, very volatile and shameless when angry. She is doing all this becos she is in love and cant get over it - I dont think money is what she is after (I have offered and its been turned down before).

So my question isn't about how to get back at her with an exotic plan of revenge. I am dealing with a person who is sick and no matter how nicely or badly I try to explain to her its simply not working. And I need to move on with my life and need to find a lasting method for restraining this constant stress from effecting my life and my health any further.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Changing details not helping @pattayadingo I repeat. If I disappear it aggravates her more and she resorts to more risky/outrageous attacks.

Also must mention this ... important

I am not at all interested in attacking her or doing any harm to her in anyway - that is not what I am seeking assistance with.

She isnt a regular bad golddigger girl - doesnt drink or smoke neither does she hang out at bars. Character wise she is clean as clean can get (one of the reasons I got drawn to her in the first place). I also know that she is a "disturbed" person - highly insecure, extremely possessive, very volatile and shameless when angry. She is doing all this becos she is in love and cant get over it - I dont think money is what she is after (I have offered and its been turned down before).

So my question isn't about how to get back at her with an exotic plan of revenge. I am dealing with a person who is sick and no matter how nicely or badly I try to explain to her its simply not working. And I need to move on with my life and need to find a lasting method for restraining this constant stress from effecting my life and my health any further.

She behaves like every dumped Thai girl I ever met.

The only silliness is your failure to avoid her, which makes her think you don't want to avoid her.

Don't answer the phone, don't answer the door, never be at home.

[Spoonman]

Christ a wall of text pre-faced by she is not a bar girl..

she wanted money for books/family/medical crisis ?

Edited August 10, 2013 by Spoonman

[kannot]

I am going to have rigatoni for tea. Beat that.

I had riga mortis ......after reading his first sentence!!

[kannot]

Changing details not helping @pattayadingo I repeat. If I disappear it aggravates her more and she resorts to more risky/outrageous attacks.

Also must mention this ... important

I am not at all interested in attacking her or doing any harm to her in anyway - that is not what I am seeking assistance with.

She isnt a regular bad golddigger girl - doesnt drink or smoke neither does she hang out at bars. Character wise she is clean as clean can get (one of the reasons I got drawn to her in the first place). I also know that she is a "disturbed" person - highly insecure, extremely possessive, very volatile and shameless when angry. She is doing all this becos she is in love and cant get over it - I dont think money is what she is after (I have offered and its been turned down before).

So my question isn't about how to get back at her with an exotic plan of revenge. I am dealing with a person who is sick and no matter how nicely or badly I try to explain to her its simply not working. And I need to move on with my life and need to find a lasting method for restraining this constant stress from effecting my life and my health any further.

Try this? Should sort it out ok?

[brewsterbudgen]

Christ a wall of text pre-faced by she is not a bar girl..

she wanted money for books/family/medical crisis ?

Bargirls tend to be less trouble.

[Briggsy]

The rigatoni was great but I am afraid there is none left.

[mauGR1]

Christ a wall of text pre-faced by she is not a bar girl..

she wanted money for books/family/medical crisis ?

Bargirls tend to be less trouble.

Hear, hear... the most difficult relationship i had in Thailand was with a career lady..Although, not difficult like the OP girl friend.

I find it quite funny when they say : I'm going to help you with your life in Thailand ..!! ... and after they proceed in turning your life into a total mess ..

[Pomthai]

Buy her a Mercedes. She'll like that and be happy.

There I fixed it.

PS-: Oh and a suit of armor - less likely to hurt herself in that. Noisy when she walks though, but a sacrifice worth making and anyway it doesn't sound like shes particularly quiet so she probably won't mind.

clank clink clank clink.....

Edited August 10, 2013 by Pomthai

[andrew]

Changing details not helping @pattayadingo I repeat. If I disappear it aggravates her more and she resorts to more risky/outrageous attacks.

Also must mention this ... important

I am not at all interested in attacking her or doing any harm to her in anyway - that is not what I am seeking assistance with.

She isnt a regular bad golddigger girl - doesnt drink or smoke neither does she hang out at bars. Character wise she is clean as clean can get (one of the reasons I got drawn to her in the first place). I also know that she is a "disturbed" person - highly insecure, extremely possessive, very volatile and shameless when angry. She is doing all this becos she is in love and cant get over it - I dont think money is what she is after (I have offered and its been turned down before).

So my question isn't about how to get back at her with an exotic plan of revenge. I am dealing with a person who is sick and no matter how nicely or badly I try to explain to her its simply not working. And I need to move on with my life and need to find a lasting method for restraining this constant stress from effecting my life and my health any further.

She behaves like every dumped Thai girl I ever met.

The only silliness is your failure to avoid her, which makes her think you don't want to avoid her.

Don't answer the phone, don't answer the door, never be at home.

Good post. Lots of truth.

[LuukKoeyKorat]

Does she work for the government and is promoting 'Thainess' abroad?

[nottocus]

The fact you actually need to come to an online forum and ask what to do in a situation like this pretty much sums it all up.

[djvolak]

Does she work for the government and is promoting 'Thainess' abroad?

Very nice! My mind had not quite got there yet!

[Pomthai]

Or she could sign up for that one way ticket to Mars thing. I hear its all the rage now...

Edited August 11, 2013 by Pomthai

[ToddWeston]

I was under the impression with Indian visas (multiple) there must be a gap of two months between visits- there's your window of opportunity to duck and hide.

[thequietman]

A lot of effort has been put into this. Most importantly its Looooooong. However, if I had to, I would say................... this guy lives under a bridge.

good effort though.

[MobileContent]

5000 Baht for advise from a lawyer isn't that bad. If I am in your situation get some legal advise but if you are a director in a listed company, why not just open a branch in Europe and leave for a year India and stay away from Thailand.