Parents of ex-girlfriend demanding sin sot even though we did not marry

[telstrareg]

Trying to keep the background as brief as possible

;

I lived with the girl in a house which I paid for (under her name) for about 1.5 years. I supported her the whole time with all expenses plus paid 15,000 B per month extra spending money. I broke up with her in February this year after she gave me a public ultimatum to either marry her within the next few months or she should would break off the engagement. I delayed a decision to marry her because I had doubts about her character due to previous infidelities and a tendency to lie. I never cheated on her or anything like that so she has no cause to be angry with me other than I dumped her. If I am at fault in any way it's in that I gave her too many chances causing a lot of time to be wasted, thinking she would improve (she did improve in some ways but not enough risk spending the rest of my life with her)

I'm sure the only reason she and her family are not taking all the assets I purchased are that other people know about our relationship and that I treated my ex well and I'm respected by a lot of people in the community since I speak Thai. Taking everything would cast the family in a bad light. So they are trying to come up with plausible reasons why I should part with my money. The family is basically demanding I pay Sin Sot and 9 Baht gold for 'defiling' their daughter (total, about 600,000 baht), an interest free loan of 1 million for 2 years (happy to do), pay my ex girlfriends remaining debt (260,000 - happy to pay) and my ex gets the right to spend as many years as she likes in the house, on her own until she finds another place to live for free (needs to be a time limit). In total about 1,000,000 out of my pocket

So my questions are:

1. Is it reasonable to demand sin sot and gold from me even though we did not marry? The parents argument was I slept with their daughter so I have to pay (even though she was not a virgin when we met and had (as I later discovered) a bit of a reputation.

2. I demanded the return of the engagement ring which has been in my mother's family for a long time. She claims that in Thailand if you don't get married, the woman gets to keep the engagement ring. Is this true?

[DavidMavec]

Are you serious? Why would you pay anything? Even if it is straight up conservative Thai culture you said she was not a virgin before and even had a bit of a reputation, worth nothing at all. They should be thanking you for helping her out during that time, period. You need to stand up for yourself. I don't say this with disrespect but I think someone needs to say bluntly, grow a pair dude.

[andrewrooney]

Maybe you ought to look to Nancy Reagan for advice on this one.

Edited August 23, 2013 by andrewrooney

[lemoncake]

OP, i am sorry, but i can not help but wonder if you just trolling.

You state you speak Thai, clearly well enough to be respected in the local community according to you.

This would mean, you have lived in Thailand long enough to know sin sod is paid to marry, NOT for any other reason.

You would also know that it is irrelevant what country you are in, but woman can/should return the ring, unless she is a parasite who just wants to sell it

Reading your thread, you were not short of dating a hooker, who lived off you, received monthly salary from you for being a GF, and i am sure you "helped" out the parasite family as well.

Can you not see the clear signs??

[ChrisB87]

Pay nothing. Walk away.

Just be glad you had a lucky escape (you could have ended up marrying her or having a child with her, then her family would have many more ways to hassle you)

Defiling her?? What a joke....she had sex....big deal....i wouldn't even justify their comments with a response.

Best to say nothing and steer clear of their sort.

But to answer your questions:

1. No.
2. It's up to her what she does with the ring (according to my partner). Some girls would give it back others wouldn't.

[Marcel1]

either you are a troll or you are really that stupid and you deserve to parted with your money... unbelieveble

[rgs2001uk]

either you are a troll or you are really that stupid and you deserve to parted with your money... unbelieveble

Correct 101%,

I wasnt going to bother replying to this, but here goes.

The family is basically demanding I pay Sin Sot and 9 Baht gold

Who in the family is asking for this?

You have been here long enough to know how to respond.

an interest free loan of 1 million for 2 years (happy to do)

Love that one, you will never see the money again, and if you give it to them then you deserve to be ripped off for being so dumb and gullable.

pay my ex girlfriends remaining debt (260,000 - happy to pay)

LOL, this just keeps getting better and better, are there really guys so dumb out there?

and my ex gets the right to spend as many years as she likes in the house

Its her house isnt it?

She can stay in it as long as she wants, dont let the door hit your ass on the way out.

Is it reasonable to demand sin sot and gold from me even though we did not marry?

Is this for real?

The parents argument was I slept with their daughter so I have to pay

There are some Thais who will tell you any old tosh, if you are daft enough to believe it, som nam na, grow a pair and tell them to sling their hook.

She claims that in Thailand if you don't get married,

If you dont get married why would you pay sin sot?

The sooner Thailand introduces a stupity test at Swampy the better, some guys get what they deserve, by gawd they saw you a mile off.

[Sheryl]

1. Sin Sot is not p[aid except if you marry. Full stop.

2. Pretty much everywhere, an engagement ring once given can be kept by the woman if she so chooses (since it was a gift), but a decent person will return it. In this particular case decency seems in short supply so likely it's gone. Resign yourself to that.

3. As the house is in her name, she can and will keep it and nothing much you can do about it. That's a big enough financial loss, don't add to it with anything else.

[Mighty Mouse]

Your ex and her family regard you as their cash cow.

They are pushing you to marry so that you will pay sin sot now, rather than prolonging the engagement, whereby the prospects of instant wealth for them are on hold.

If you were stupid enough to marry into this gold digging family, their hands would never be out of your wallet.

Buy the biggest suitcase that you can find, fill it up with as much of the house's valuables that it will hold and walk away. Don't look back.

[sustento]

Oh please. Just grow up and reclaim ownership of your nuts.

[telstrareg]

Thanks everyone for you comments.

As anyone who has had experience with something similar would know, it's difficult to be objective about something like this. However, it seems virtually everyone concurs with my own thoughts on the subject.

[MobileContent]

Speaking Thai but absolute no ideas how things is getting done in Thailand with Sinsot and marriages

[Bung]

Another thai girl gets a free house for opening her legs.......you may as well move out as fast as you can to somewhere they won't be able to find you ie: another province and take as much stuff from the house as you can. Hire a truck and get some mates to help you.

[frankwhite]

Pay nothing and run, run fast and far.

[telstrareg]

Speaking Thai but absolute no ideas how things is getting done in Thailand with Sinsot and marriages

That's just it. I have a reasonable understanding of Sin sot as well as many other Thai customs. The practice of Sin sot varies greatly from family to family and place to place. However, I had never heard of anyone being asked to pay Sin sot if the marriage never takes place. But it's good to check so I wanted get some feedback as to whether anyone ever heard of parents demanding Sin sot for 'loss of face'. Of course I don't think they would be making these demands if they didn't have my assets as hostage.

She and her parents claim that once the terms of Sin sot are negotiated and finalised, if you sleep with the woman you are obliged to pay up even if the marriage doesn't happen. After consulting others as well as users of this forum, nobody else I know (apart from her friends and family of course) has ever heard of this custom.

[Farma]

They're taking the mickey with all you've contributed, so you're better off out of there.

Having said that, my nephew was in a Thai - Thai engagement situation a couple of years ago. He was engaged to a girl and they lived together for a couple of months before they finished the relationship. He was caught cheating with another girl.

The original girls family demanded sinsot even though they didn't marry and threatened to sue him for something along the lines of breach of contract. I asked other family members and apparently there is something in the law to allow it.

Both families got together and worked out an agreeable amount to satisfy the dumped girls family. The nephews now happily married to the girl he was cheating with.

[Bung]

With stories like the OPs it's little wonder that so many Thai girls just look at Farangs as money trees.

She knows what she can get, her friends now know what they get along along with any one else along the gossip line.

As a single guy trying to date women here, Thanks a lot!

[Bangkokhatter]

With stories like the OPs it's little wonder that so many Thai girls just look at Farangs as money trees.

She knows what she can get, her friends now know what they get along along with any one else along the gossip line.

As a single guy trying to date women here, Thanks a lot!

It's quite easy to just say NO !

[cardholder]

Snap their hand off - and do it quickly while the exchange rate is favourable......................

[tom21]

interesting thread. I have been living with the same girl for 5 years and have been asked to pay sin sot in which I said I can not get married as I do not believe in divorce and as such I am still married. ( wish I said that before I married my ex wife it would of saved me lots of money). if I do break up with my girlfriend as far as I am concerned, what I bought her is hers and I would just leave and not let her know where I have gone.

[Mario2008]

1 flame removed. let's keep it civil.

[amykat]

Maybe you could offer to pay something to get the ring back, if it has sentimental value to you. You said it was a family ring, so it might also not be easy to sell here anyway, so trade her for something, but make sure you have the ring in your hand, before you give the money ...no matter what BS excuses she comes up with at the last minute, for why she will give it to you "later."

I got the idea that the house was rented, but the rental agreement in her name? If you bought it, do you have some kind of protection of any kind? Lease, usufruct, for example?

If you do negotiate for the ring, try to make it sound not very important to you. If they believe it is very important, they will try to hold it hostage for unrealistic amounts. You could say you will pay her XX based on her demand to pay her debts for example, (I hope it is a smaller amount than 260K), but then add that you would like to get the ring back in this case, "just to show your family that she is a good girl" or something that might make her look good, but show it isn't too important. Or you could say you want to pay XX to help her, but that your family "won't let you" unless she gives the ring back (I think Thais might easily believe we are controlled by our family, like they either are, or pretend to be, when it suits them.)

I would stop negotiating anything with them though overall, it just makes them think they have some power, by even discussing such ridiculous things.

And just to add, I think/KNOW, you will never get any money back on a loan, so please do NOT even consider that ..as others have said. And I agree, that all of the demands are ridiculous. If they really have any leg to stand on, then let them sue you, wait years to go to court, then if they win, pay them 1000 baht a month forever, like Thais do! And then stop paying, whenever you feel like it!

[harrry]

Legally of course sinsot is completely voluntary.

[britgent]

Pick up your passport, fart and walk out the door to your new life with a smile on your face.

Life is too short to let the idiots win.

Sent from my i-mobile IQ 6A using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[AnotherOneAmerican]

If you do negotiate for the ring, try to make it sound not very important to you. If they believe it is very important, they will try to hold it hostage for unrealistic amounts. You could say you will pay her XX based on her demand to pay her debts for example, (I hope it is a smaller amount than 260K), but then add that you would like to get the ring back in this case, "just to show your family that she is a good girl" or something that might make her look good, but show it isn't too important. Or you could say you want to pay XX to help her, but that your family "won't let you" unless she gives the ring back (I think Thais might easily believe we are controlled by our family, like they either are, or pretend to be, when it suits them.)

Off topic here, but this reminded me of my US divorce.

My former wife threw her engagement and wedding rings at me while screaming insults, shortly before our divorce, I calmly picked them up and put them in my pocket and never offered them back again. During the divorce she asked the judge to make me give them back to her, he merely said "I think not".

[slipperylobster]

You are seriously not considering paying this, I hope. For Crikeys sake, she was there voluntarily, and is of legal age. Obviously, she was not "pure as the driven snow" when she moved in with you, and if she was a bargal, then you are not on the hook for anything. Perhaps the family is thinking of the lost income they could have received. Possibly they used your relationship and pending marriage as collateral to borrow money. Thats their fault. Believe me, she will soon snatch up another farang who will probably take on the burden of Sin Sot.... perhaps several. Have some dignity, for all our sakes....lol

[somtampet]

either you are a troll or you are really that stupid and you deserve to parted with your money... unbelieveble

Wish my partner had a sister, i would introduce u too her,this has to be a troll,stupidy is not a word i use lightly

BUT

[NCC1701A]

Dude, for what you have paid to this girl, you could have gone to Soi Cowboy and had sex with every girl on both sides of the soi twice, then taken a limo to Pattaya and bought a condo.

have you been wearing a condom with this girl?

Edited August 25, 2013 by NCC1701A

[glassdude007]

She sounds Nice,

Can you send me her Phone Number?

[telstrareg]

Pick up your passport, fart and walk out the door to your new life with a smile on your face.

Life is too short to let the idiots win.

Sent from my i-mobile IQ 6A using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

That's the dilemma. Do you just walk away and try and start a fresh and happy new life, or fight? Problem is if people with a sense of justice don't stop and fight at least once in a while then those who purely follow their self interest end up taking us for everything.

I don't really want people like that and their offspring to inherit the earth, so to speak.