Facebook - Predatory Toms - Porn and Teenage Girls

[Nip]

I don't know if other members are encountering the same problems? I post this as a concerned parent and hope the post is treated as same. That the usual cheap shot shooters back off. I have a European daughter who is just 14 years old. She is tall slim and very attractive. When we go out she is not targeted by young men as one would expect in a 'normal' society but Tom's of all ages. That is the flip side female fraternity who want to be men or boys. Big jelled quiffs small feet and hands. Predators who know how young women think so they can play around with their youthful sensibilities for their sexual gratification. And it is done blatantly! My daughter is stalked and often followed into the toilets. I can not take my eyes off her for a second. Now these Tom's are not young. They are aged from 26 years old and up. Last week I looked at my daughters Facebook page and went into her profile and what I found was truly shocking.... These Tom's were posting explicit sex photos of lesbian sex.... Nothing left to the imagination. NOTHING! Ok it has taken me time but I have a handle on it now and have taken the necessary steps to at least curb what is going on.... But be warned parents there is another silent underbelly out there even on Facebook. I cant for the life of me understand why it can not be picked up.... And it seems quite a bit of it is being posted on school computers.

[David48]

Nip ... is your daughter in Thailand?

Attends an International or Thai School?

[Mr Average]

Last week I looked at my daughters Facebook page and went into her profile and what I found was truly shocking.... These Tom's were posting explicit sex photos of lesbian sex.... Nothing left to the imagination. NOTHING!

Your daughter has full control over her profile page.

She determines who is allowed to post. She is also able to remove inappropriate content.

[tingtong]

Last week I looked at my daughters Facebook page and went into her profile and what I found was truly shocking.... These Tom's were posting explicit sex photos of lesbian sex.... Nothing left to the imagination. NOTHING!

Your daughter has full control over her profile page.

She determines who is allowed to post. She is also able to remove inappropriate content.

So true.

what if, (as a remote possibility?) this is what she likes, cares, interested in? can she have a choice? obviously she doesnt choose to block this content for one reason or another.

and no, i am not a gay/lesbian activist, just a father, like you.

[Nip]

Yes she is in Thailand and yes she has control over her Facebook page but she is not yet old enough to make practical life decisions based on terms of reference and these Tom's are very very controlling. They know exactly what they are doing. And yes when I confronted one Tom I asked her to confirm did she consider herself male or female and to choose carefully as the wrong answer could be affect her well being. She is gullible and mostly believes these 'Toms' just want to be friends. But as to what she really thinks? Who knows? She for sure at this age doesn't.

Edited September 23, 2013 by Nip

[ETatBKK]

being a parent of a 14 y/o girl, in casual conversations you should able to convince her on her personal safety and as well as on her preference on sex. better now than later to establish her own ability to deal with situations, to make decision and to defend herself. well, especially she is living in a foreign country.

as I learn from my friend who is a senior IT director in a big European company - DON'T put computer into kid's room. make the computer in a family setting in the living room, where kids used to communicate and to share with their parent on their virtual social circle.

my Thai niece and nephew are in this age, all time in their own rooms. they are confronting another side of the problem. try talking to my brother-in-law on this subject too.

[FWIW]

And yes when I confronted one Tom I asked her to confirm did she consider herself male or female and to choose carefully as the wrong answer could be affect her well being.

Seriously? "Could affect her well being"??

Not much more I can say on that issue without ending up with problems with the mods to be honest.

As a father of three teenagers, I would say that the only things we can do is educate our children (if you can get into your daughters profile, can others? In which case you need to teach her basic internet awareness), and secondly support their lifestyle choices - however painful they are to us personally - with kindness and understanding. Anything else leads to greater problems down the road.

I know and work with a few Toms.

I will tell you on thing that you may learn from - they seldom miss their mark. Believe me - they KNOW.

[norrona]

disgusted at the posters on here saying it's what she might like to look like etc.

young and impressionable people is what they are, innocent and should be protected from the scum.....not wrapped up in cotton wool but certainly not put out there with it all literally in their faces.

I can well imagine the schools where this is happening will do much, seems like zero control out there with the teenagers in school...I know of one teacher who told me about weed-yabba-guns and blades being the norm they are carrying to school, this is a private one as well.

Edited September 23, 2013 by norrona

[x0r1987]

Yes she is in Thailand and yes she has control over her Facebook page but she is not yet old enough to make practical life decisions based on terms of reference and these Tom's are very very controlling. They know exactly what they are doing. And yes when I confronted one Tom I asked her to confirm did she consider herself male or female and to choose carefully as the wrong answer could be affect her well being. She is gullible and mostly believes these 'Toms' just want to be friends. But as to what she really thinks? Who knows? She for sure at this age doesn't.

If you feel she is not old enough to make such decisions, perhaps you need to act like the parents and remove her PC / Internet Facebook Privileges. Complaining on ThaiVisa will not change the content allowed on Facebook, so if you dont like it, do something about. :-)

Its crazy how parents today seem to forget they are in control... When I was 14, I knew if I was doing or seeing something my parents wouldnt agree with... I made the choice to go against that, and if they found it, I bloody well knew I would suffer for it...

Also im curious...

How did you confront the Tom? On FB? In real life?

If on FB, did you send a message from your profile? hers? chat?

Edited September 23, 2013 by x0r1987

[MegaRanter]

Totally in support of the last policy of the Russian government on promoting alternative lifestyles to minors.

These toms needs to be set right.

Edited September 23, 2013 by MegaRanter

[arthurwait]

Toms and dees is very much in fashion at the moment and is always quite popular.

My wife is 37 and most the girls at her boarding school when she was a teenager were hopping into bed with each other for tom and dee relationships. Almost half the girls were Toms, now 20 years later only one is.

While it's not right that an older tom is praying on a younger underage girl I'm afraid that's how it is here for a large amount of Thai men and now it seems Toms who think they are men are as well. As you are doing keep an eye on her and warn the predators off, but not violently yourself though or it could be you ending up getting nicked. There have been cases recently of the predator getting nicked in Thailand so it seems the police do something now. You may have to pay some money though.

[falkan]

get her a bf and you wont have the tom problem anymore hahah..

[Mr Average]

Yes she is in Thailand and yes she has control over her Facebook page but she is not yet old enough to make practical life decisions based on terms of reference and these Tom's are very very controlling. They know exactly what they are doing. And yes when I confronted one Tom I asked her to confirm did she consider herself male or female and to choose carefully as the wrong answer could be affect her well being. She is gullible and mostly believes these 'Toms' just want to be friends. But as to what she really thinks? Who knows? She for sure at this age doesn't.

Your daughter is 14. By now, she will have been exposed to pornography many times. She will know all about the birds and the bees.

You say that these Toms are "very very controlling". So just how hard is it to click the "unfriend" and "delete" buttons?

You say that your daughter is gullible and believes these Toms just want to be friends. Fair enough, but posting lesbian pornography isn't exactly what one would normally expect from a friend.

Stricter parenting may in order. What's your wife's role in all of this?

One option might be to take over you daughter's FB account and send messages to these Toms. Perhaps you could politely tell them to go forth and multiply. Better still, just block them.

[grimblegrumble]

As far as I can see, now you know about the problem, education is the key to this. Confrontation of the Tom's or of your daughter will not help matters IMO. We can guide our children in the way we think things should be but no matter what we say or do it is ultimately up to them what they do or do not do. I'd rather be aware of my childs preferences and try to be a guiding light than have that child do these or other things in secret or behind my back.

The internet and computers being what they are, we have very little real control other than education and guidance. In the west there are conrols agains predators of this nature but not so much in Thailand. It is another of those situations where we need to be vigilant and a caring parent.

[somtampet]

Toms and dees is very much in fashion at the moment and is always quite popular.

My wife is 37 and most the girls at her boarding school when she was a teenager were hopping into bed with each other for tom and dee relationships. Almost half the girls were Toms, now 20 years later only one is.

While it's not right that an older tom is praying on a younger underage girl I'm afraid that's how it is here for a large amount of Thai men and now it seems Toms who think they are men are as well. As you are doing keep an eye on her and warn the predators off, but not violently yourself though or it could be you ending up getting nicked. There have been cases recently of the predator getting nicked in Thailand so it seems the police do something now. You may have to pay some money though.

If a guy aged 25 tries to flirt or pick up a 14 yo girl,he is a nonce, no ifs or buts,this should apply to fully grown toms/lesbians.Contact the police,your daughter is underage

[David48]

I must admit, the OP does beggar the question ...

Does the OP fear more that his daughter is being victimised through her computer or, that she is indeed a Tom or a Dee?

I'm not having a go ... just posing the question.

[Beetlejuice]

Yes she is in Thailand and yes she has control over her Facebook page but she is not yet old enough to make practical life decisions based on terms of reference and these Tom's are very very controlling. They know exactly what they are doing. And yes when I confronted one Tom I asked her to confirm did she consider herself male or female and to choose carefully as the wrong answer could be affect her well being. She is gullible and mostly believes these 'Toms' just want to be friends. But as to what she really thinks? Who knows? She for sure at this age doesn't.

Any young girls that put themselves on facebook, twitter and other social networking sites are leaving themselves vulnerable and will be targeted by all sorts of predators, creeps, pedos, perverts and the sick and twisted. The worst of it is, that you don`t know where her texts and photos are going to end up or to what extent she is communicating with these people online.

You are right, she is not yet old enough to make practical life decisions, meaning, it`s up to you as a parent to make the decisions for her, keep a watch on her online activities and to educate your daughter of the dangers that are out there. Making threats will not solve the problem, the issues here are with what your daughter actually uploads online about herself and whom she allows in to view and participate in her online activities.

This is all part of the duties of parenting and if you are not able to have any or very little controls on your daughter’s online activities or who she decides to talk to or befriend, than you have a problem.

[harrry]

Unfortunately it is not the 50s any more. Any social worker or youth worker or teacher in Australia will tell you that it is impossible to control what a 14 year old does on or off the computer. You will have to rely on the fact that if you have taught her wello by example in her first 13 years she will at least have a good grounding to fall back on after falling off the horse a few times.

Not much you can do exept advise....rarely...and be there always for her.

[Bender]

i completely agree with you OP, and you maybe you dont know how much its easy for a young/middle age tomboy/gay

to manipulate the feeling of young teenagers. I saw it so many times!!

One story that happened to me few years ago, : I have a friend who has a look-krueng(mixed son),and

when he was 16 he wanted to practise muay thai boxing so i took him often to my gym.

In the skytrain, in the street, i mean anywhere the gay try to make contact with him.

At any chance they will try it, in front of me, behind me. They just assume that him and me were a young gay couple.

like you said real predator...

[x0r1987]

Totally in support of the last policy of the Russian government on promoting alternative lifestyles to minors.

These toms needs to be set right.

50+ years ago, some people sounded just like MegaRanter, except the alternative lifestyle was a white person getting married to a black person...

Just saying

Unfortunately it is not the 50s any more. Any social worker or youth worker or teacher in Australia will tell you that it is impossible to control what a 14 year old does on or off the computer. You will have to rely on the fact that if you have taught her wello by example in her first 13 years she will at least have a good grounding to fall back on after falling off the horse a few times.

Not much you can do exept advise....rarely...and be there always for her.

Probably because they are not allowed to tell parents to give their kids a whack over the head when they stuff up....

Parents are slowly losing control thanks to the vast number of PC morons we see today....

We have quite a few teens in my family... 1 side, complete stuff ups... the other side... no worries at all... and im young enough to involve myself personally with both...

the difference between the grounds? the stuff ups dont get proper punishment when they stuff up....

Edited September 23, 2013 by x0r1987

[Nip]

To those who say violence is not the answer you are right of course. I confronted the drunken Tom with my daughter on the back of 'its' motor bike at midnight. An 30 minutes after I tucked her up in bed. What concerned father wouldn't? When he finds his daughter missing in the middle of the night. Control? I obviously have a certain amount of control noticing her missing so soon and being able to get into her Facebook account. I confronted the Tom on the street toe to toe and made it clear in Thai that if she continued stalking my daughter that I would apply for a barring order and file criminal charges. She backed off. My daughter was nothing more than a trophy! Allowing kids to find their own way here is madness. You have a large % of men who want to be women another large % of women who want to be men then add in gay men and women and you got one confused heady cocktail. I am not saying I am right but she can make her own decisions when she is 18 and hopefully by then will have more balanced terms of reference. I am not here to argue the toss only warn others that there are silent female predators out there.

[x0r1987]

To those who say violence is not the answer you are right of course. I confronted the drunken Tom with my daughter on the back of 'its' motor bike at midnight. An 30 minutes after I tucked her up in bed. What concerned father wouldn't? When he finds his daughter missing in the middle of the night. Control? I obviously have a certain amount of control noticing her missing so soon and being able to get into her Facebook account. I confronted the Tom on the street toe to toe and made it clear in Thai that if she continued stalking my daughter that I would apply for a barring order and file criminal charges. She backed off. My daughter was nothing more than a trophy! Allowing kids to find their own way here is madness. You have a large % of men who want to be women another large % of women who want to be men then add in gay men and women and you got one confused heady cocktail. I am not saying I am right but she can make her own decisions when she is 18 and hopefully by then will have more balanced terms of reference. I am not here to argue the toss only warn others that there are silent female predators out there.

Why was your daughter out so late? This is the first question I come ask... As a parent, do you not retain control of your children?

I am sorry, but I do not accept a parent can not control their child... Unless the parent has a mental handicap.

Your daughter was missing, but from you say, she was in a situation she allowed... As a parent, it is your fault for allowing this to occur... How about you keep your eyes on your child, instead of hoping Facebook to act as a baby sitter?

Are the charges you mention possible in Thailand? Unless the Tom has done something with your daughter, I dont believe you could have the tom charged simply for been with your daughter....

Personally... If she is 14, and your having these issues... Maybe you should go home? ... These are not going to stop. Especially its a lot is over FB... The medium your daughter controls, and thus, accepting this people You might hate them, but she obviously does not..... No matter how much you complain on-line (complain about been a poor parent I will add)...

[Beetlejuice]

Unfortunately it is not the 50s any more. Any social worker or youth worker or teacher in Australia will tell you that it is impossible to control what a 14 year old does on or off the computer. You will have to rely on the fact that if you have taught her wello by example in her first 13 years she will at least have a good grounding to fall back on after falling off the horse a few times.

Not much you can do exept advise....rarely...and be there always for her.

I don`t think anything has changed, except that these days the perverts deeds are made easier by the Internet.

I was at school during the late 1950s, early 1960s and there were always the I`ll show you mine, if you show me yours boys, plus the warnings to beware and never talk to strangers by my parents were still there. The other difference was that back in those days these things were not so open, shunned upon in fact, but always there lurking in the background.

The fact is that the Internet has a good side but is also an extremely dangerous place for our kids and the gullible, they are placing themselves into a dangerous enviroment, and as I said, it`s up to the parents to gain respect from their children and put their foot down when need be. If some parents prefer to give their kids a completely free hand, a let them do as they like because they want to attitude, than what`s the point of complaining?

Edited September 23, 2013 by Beetlejuice

[manarak]

To those who say violence is not the answer you are right of course. I confronted the drunken Tom with my daughter on the back of 'its' motor bike at midnight. An 30 minutes after I tucked her up in bed. What concerned father wouldn't? When he finds his daughter missing in the middle of the night. Control? I obviously have a certain amount of control noticing her missing so soon and being able to get into her Facebook account. I confronted the Tom on the street toe to toe and made it clear in Thai that if she continued stalking my daughter that I would apply for a barring order and file criminal charges. She backed off. My daughter was nothing more than a trophy! Allowing kids to find their own way here is madness. You have a large % of men who want to be women another large % of women who want to be men then add in gay men and women and you got one confused heady cocktail. I am not saying I am right but she can make her own decisions when she is 18 and hopefully by then will have more balanced terms of reference. I am not here to argue the toss only warn others that there are silent female predators out there.

I can fully understand your concerns.

I too would not allow my 14 year old daughter to go out with toms aged 26 and older.

However, you have to face the justified criticism that you take sex much too seriously.

Some moments with a tom are not a life decision.

It can be reverted anytime, and I know quite a few girls who were with tomes before and now are with guys (that's even what usually happens).

Then, the usual age for first sexual experiences is between 14 and 16. Face it. that is normal, although the partner is usually not more than 3 years older. So a 14 yo with a 17 yo would be normal.

And as a parent, I would be more quiet with a tom than with a guy, for obvious reasons.

[Travel2003]

get her a bf and you wont have the tom problem anymore hahah..

If that was only true.

Seems like the Toms have some freepass in Thailand to approach whomever they want.

[x0r1987]

get her a bf and you wont have the tom problem anymore hahah..

If that was only true.

Seems like the Toms have some freepass in Thailand to approach whomever they want.

I am sorry...

What group of people are not allowed to approach people???

.... not sure if I worded that well enough...

Travel... Can you explain what group does not have a 'freepass' to approach any person or group they wish???

Looking at your comment.... It seems you believe Tom's have a freepass in Thailand....

Please, go into detail, or explain the groups that can not do what you claim Toms can do?

...

...

....

Ill say again... Travel2003 - Please go into detail about what Toms are allowed to do, that the general public can not....

Edited September 23, 2013 by x0r1987

[Travel2003]

get her a bf and you wont have the tom problem anymore hahah..

If that was only true.

Seems like the Toms have some freepass in Thailand to approach whomever they want.

I am sorry...

What group of people are not allowed to approach people???

.... not sure if I worded that well enough...

Travel... Can you explain what group does not have a 'freepass' to approach any person or group they wish???

Looking at your comment.... It seems you believe Tom's have a freepass in Thailand....

Please, go into detail, or explain the groups that can not do what you claim Toms can do?

...

...

....

Ill say again... Travel2003 - Please go into detail about what Toms are allowed to do, that the general public can not....

Hmm, let me see if I can explain it as simple as possible.

By using the word "approaching" it means approach a person for the sake of picking the person up.

And by using the phrase picking up, I do NOT mean to lift that person up.

...

...

...

Ill say again, I will try to explain as simple as possible.

[foot long]

have you noticed how the thais hold on to the young girls they are escorting in public with a firm grip on the upper arm? try that. must be whats necessary.

[x0r1987]

get her a bf and you wont have the tom problem anymore hahah..

If that was only true.

Seems like the Toms have some freepass in Thailand to approach whomever they want.

I am sorry...

What group of people are not allowed to approach people???

.... not sure if I worded that well enough...

Travel... Can you explain what group does not have a 'freepass' to approach any person or group they wish???

Looking at your comment.... It seems you believe Tom's have a freepass in Thailand....

Please, go into detail, or explain the groups that can not do what you claim Toms can do?

...

...

....

Ill say again... Travel2003 - Please go into detail about what Toms are allowed to do, that the general public can not....

Hmm, let me see if I can explain it as simple as possible.

By using the word "approaching" it means approach a person for the sake of picking the person up.

And by using the phrase picking up, I do NOT mean to lift that person up.

...

...

...

Ill say again, I will try to explain as simple as possible.

FYI,,,,, Seemed you meant to explain it a second time at the end??

You do realize this is all text based, and people are going to go off what you type, not what you have in your head?

Why would you associate 'picking a person up' with 'lift'ing a person (I assume you mean pick pocket /rob??)? You used the word approach in the first instance?

This really does kind of point out why you should be straight, and direct in your forum posts... People really can not read what is in your head, a lot will not be from your country, or even then, from your generation perhaps.... So long as you are not rude, there is no reason why you need to try and re-define words to say what is on your mind

Sorry for the confusion.

Edited September 23, 2013 by x0r1987

[Nip]

To those who say violence is not the answer you are right of course. I confronted the drunken Tom with my daughter on the back of 'its' motor bike at midnight. An 30 minutes after I tucked her up in bed. What concerned father wouldn't? When he finds his daughter missing in the middle of the night. Control? I obviously have a certain amount of control noticing her missing so soon and being able to get into her Facebook account. I confronted the Tom on the street toe to toe and made it clear in Thai that if she continued stalking my daughter that I would apply for a barring order and file criminal charges. She backed off. My daughter was nothing more than a trophy! Allowing kids to find their own way here is madness. You have a large % of men who want to be women another large % of women who want to be men then add in gay men and women and you got one confused heady cocktail. I am not saying I am right but she can make her own decisions when she is 18 and hopefully by then will have more balanced terms of reference. I am not here to argue the toss only warn others that there are silent female predators out there.

Why was your daughter out so late? This is the first question I come ask... As a parent, do you not retain control of your children?

I am sorry, but I do not accept a parent can not control their child... Unless the parent has a mental handicap.

Your daughter was missing, but from you say, she was in a situation she allowed... As a parent, it is your fault for allowing this to occur... How about you keep your eyes on your child, instead of hoping Facebook to act as a baby sitter?

Are the charges you mention possible in Thailand? Unless the Tom has done something with your daughter, I dont believe you could have the tom charged simply for been with your daughter....

Personally... If she is 14, and your having these issues... Maybe you should go home? ... These are not going to stop. Especially its a lot is over FB... The medium your daughter controls, and thus, accepting this people You might hate them, but she obviously does not..... No matter how much you complain on-line (complain about been a poor parent I will add)...

Sadly this why Thai Visa is known as the 'Fools Forum' .... Take a bow xOr1987 ..... Such a shame because the forum has so many positive things to offer intelligent folk. However I shall bow out here. And just state once again my intention was to simply alert parents of young daughters of the dangers of Facebook and predatory Tom's. Ok xOr1987 the floor is all yours now to do as you wish. But forgive me if I un-follow the topic. That does not mean anything more than I am not interested in anything you have to say or offer. So go fight with yourself.... A final word if 'it' is a woman who thinks its a man and it isn't biologically a man what is 'IT'? And the important point your silly rant missed was my statement that I noticed my daughter missing 30 minutes after I tucked her up in bed... You see unbeknownst to me the Tom or maybe I should describe her as the sexually confused young Thai lady called to the house in a drunken state and in order not to have a confrontation on the street my daughter sneaked out of the house to try and persuade her to go home. The Toms explicit photos were in her personal messages. Now off you go to find somebody else to tangle with....