How Much Are You Paying?

[wcr]

I don't know whether this has been done before as I am new here. But I am really interested to see what we are paying our g/f's or b/f's. There is so much talk about the rip off's that take place by the women (and men) here.

I'll start off. I pay my partner 12000 Baht per month, plus all his living costs. His living cost are no more than 3000 per month. I don't pay the family, however I make the odd donation if I feel inclined. However he also works for me, full time in my business for this 12000 Baht.

So over to you guys and girls. Anybody care to share this information with us? We can judge then how we are performing

[Guest timbee]

sounds like you have acquired a slave at very attractive rates! the fact that he works for you full time as well as fulfilling "domestic duties" would seem to be a pretty good package deal!

i can't comment on the male side of things but certainly the figure you mention is where i like to keep it for my gal, though i don't actually pay her anything - this would seem too like keeping a salaried maid who turns down the bed and also hops inside - i just let her help herself to that much in the joint bank account i maintain. but then mine has a job, so whether any of it finds its way up to isaan is entirely her affair.

i daresay loads of readers will have coronaries at the suggestion of joint bank accounts - especially with an atm attached - but i find that trust is a must and if i can't do that, then there's no point in asking the maid to jump in bed, but that's just me.

[Mac_39]

Hi,

I have a great girl friend here in Bangkok,we have been dating for nearly 3 years and will marry end of this year.

I work and have a good salary.

My girlfriend has her own business and is completely self sufficient.

Why anyone would pay their partner ???? you pay for a service is this what these people are giving you ???

in a loving relationship, the old saying "what is mine is yours and what is yours is mine" comes to mind.

My girlfriend and i never discuss money, of course as the guy i will pay for the majority of things..but many times i will be suprised by her generousity..last week she booked a trip for Songkhran for us to enjoy.. last new year an expensive watch was my present.

Maybe i'm lucky...but if i was paying to have a girlfriend , i would feel it was realy a polite form of prostitution.

Cheers Mac.

[pnustedt]

i daresay loads of readers will have coronaries at the suggestion of joint bank accounts - especially with an atm attached - but i find that trust is a must

I agree with that - without trust you cannot build a relationship.

My Thai wife has free and open access to my bank a/cs, including her own ATMs. She doesn't work and I have told her that she can take whatever she wants. We also have the what's mine is yours understanding and we have never had a disagreement about money (except when I spend too much!).

She is frequently asked how much I give her by her contemporaries - she just replies "nothing, I just take what I want".

[Dutchy]

I don't know whether this has been done before as I am new here. But I am really interested to see what we are paying our g/f's or b/f's. There is so much talk about the rip off's that take place by the women (and men) here.

I'll start off. I pay my partner 12000 Baht per month, plus all his living costs. His living cost are no more than 3000 per month. I don't pay the family, however I make the odd donation if I feel inclined. However he also works for me, full time in my business for this 12000 Baht.

Interesting topic, my wife works and makes more than enough to support our entire family. We nevertheless share household expenses and save both for unforseen circumstances.

Cheers,

Dutchy

[Ned]

All I can say is that you guys are either loaded or broke.......and perhaps super generous... 'What's mine is yours and what's yours in mine".......Indeed.

Don't tell you haven't got a secret bank account somewhere....'cause I'm pretty sure your partner has. Sorry fellas but TIT.

[dutch]

Sorry for you Ned.

I am neither loaded nor broken.

Normally married in having community of property.(27 years already)

Just like Pnu, my wife has full access to our accounts.

May be the difference with so many other members is that I am talking about OUR accounts and not mine or hers!

Obviously you will read more positive than negative reactions.Who wants to show their stupidity (or may be bad luck?)

[dutch]

I realize that the original question was about paying B/f-G/f.

May be not comparable with " normal " relationships?

In any other way it is modern slavery with a lot of question marks

[tuky]

My wife has her own ATm card and I have mine...for our joint account.

I work overseas, we talk each day and despite the physical seperation we enjoy quite a close relationship.

I am often amused when I come home and she sends out for beer, sits me down on the sofa and pulls out all the receipts, ATM receipts and then proceeds over the next 3 or 4 changs to tell me exactly where all the money has gone.

I gave her Mum and older Sister 3kbaht for new year (not much I know) and was highly amused to hear her asking for it back when I wasn't looking. They told her basically to go and get stuffed.

My money is a lot safer with her than it is with me.

She gets asked every so often how much I give her a month, she just looks very serious and says "25% of his monthly pay, which is 500,000 baht". If I actually earnt that much it would be worth giving it to her just to see the look on the peoples faces. She actually gets offended when people ask her that, hence the exageration.

What's mine is hers and whats hers was already mine

or in her words...you do I do!

[wcr]

timbee, he's not a slave as we share the domestic work.

Its interesting to hear comments about our partners being asked what they get. This is a common occurance in LOS. They do tend to compare what each other are getting, and then look for the cheap charlies! I made everything clear to my partner before we started to live together, so there was no misunderstandings later on. It hasn't been 100% successful, but almost. Bless him, he is currently building his mother a house with 10,000 baht p/m, (it'll take forever). I feel guilty sometimes as I know he is struggling, however I don't feel obliged to pay for it. Am I a cheap Charlie?

I am amazed how much some guys are giving their partners. This is why I posed the question, as I really don't know if I was being hard on him. I don't think its any different for a gay relationship from a straight one. But I hear some people paying an allowance to the wife, g/f, b/f and then paying money directly to the family each month also. This adds upto 20 - 30000 Baht p/m. Alot of money in my book.

As far as giving him access to my ATM card and bank account? No way. Sorry guys but I really find that hard to do. I was married to a woman in the UK who just withdraw money without any thought of what she was taking out. I said then Never Again.

[mrmnp]

Cultural differences, it seems to me, is the basis to approach this issue. In the U.S. most wives, committed lovers, or those of similar status share everything, as I did with my wife. Of course we shared a similar culture.

My daughter had separate accounts with her 7 year boyfriend, (they both owned their house together) and when she married him, it didn't change because he was a spendthrift. Her current boyfriend/husband (Australia) to which she is engaged, is great and they share all, both work and she makes more than he does.

In Thailand, I was faced with a cultural situation, of which I didn't pay much attention to at first, until it began to imperil my relationship. Being on a committed relationship track which will end up in marriage, I approached it in an all sharing way.

However, after the entire amount of our joint account was loaned to a relative without my knowlege. although returned within two weeks, I had second thoughts.

After a full discussion of the issue, with a promise that it wouldn't happen again, the very next month an unsatisfactory manipulation of joint funds occured that sealed the fate of our joint account. Clearly a cultural issue. I do not come from a close, loving family as my Thai does, so that is a factor as well.

There is no doubt in my mind that my Thai has my best interets at heart and would do anything for me, I am just not comfortable with the joint account with ATM attached. Money has always been a major problem for most peopple in most relationships, so I feel it is my duty to set it up so it is workable. We now have a joint savings account that has a fixed interest rate (no ATM possible) and I have the bank book secreted. I will reveal its whereabouts when I become terminal and it is well funded so my eventual permanent absence will not present a financial crisis.

Early on, when my Thai gave up the job at my request, "family" needs, heretofore

taken care of through earnings, had to be addressed. An allowance of 4k baht a month was established to cover all expenses independent of our joint expeditions. I found out after a years experience, that the allowance was being saved in its entirely to buy additional land to add to anexisting portfolio of holdings and that requests for small amounts of cash for incidentals continued.

After a sister needed a loan to buy a truck, colateralized with three pieces of land, didn't go through because the sister decided paying it back was something she couldn't afford to do, I re-adjusted our financial arrangements. I provided a year's "allowance" in advance to buy a small piece of rural property as the last money to be spent for land ever (agreed to) and stopped the allowance.

Things are going along smoothly now but I am sure there will be some family "emergency" in the future to deal with, but since the amounts are not large, they are manageable from disposable income. If self- sacrifice is required, it has always been shared equally, and I do treat my Thai as an equal. My experience has taught me that subservient status only promotes lack of responsibility, just like lack of trust. My Thai and I agreed early on that we would keep our families at bay, easy for me-hard for the other side, but it has worked well. We also keep friends at bay, meeting them outside our home, the Thai excuse is "farang doesn't speak Thai and needs air conditioning for health reasons" and for me my bar hopping days are over. Perhaps that is why I am in this forum so much.

My Thai seems to be an exceedingly kind person to me, to the point of saving everything, giving huge bags of cans, of plastic bottles to very poor Thais in the nearby village and we jointly have cabinets filled with "premiums" and things we don't need to give to relatives when an annual visit is arranged. I stay in a large city nearby while my Thai goes visits relatives bearing "premiums". Farang is reported to have stayed at home because the drive is too long and the car too cramped for his large body.

I will meet an ancient mother on the next trip, who is sworn to secrecy about my presence in the nearby city. Thus this farang has adjusted to Thai life very little. I just enjoy living here, as I consider it is my responsiility to make it work for me. My complaints, hopefully are few and far between, but when they do arise, my Thai merely says, T-I-T.

[dutch]

mrmnp

I like your story.Thanks for sharing with us.

[Guest IT Manager]

Yes I agree with Dutchy.

Thanks a lot. I am impressed with the writing and input happening these days on the board in general. Neat stuff. Thank you all.

IT

[wcr]

mrmnp, you have to be cruel to be kind! Not really, but you have to be sensible. I feel I am teaching my Thai about financial responcibility. Pompus of me some might say? Well I don't really think so. With the exception of a few, most Thais really do think only of today and the immediate future. My Thai (mrmnp's expression that I am going to nick as I like it ) is starting to change, and is genuinely considering his and his families future. He gets very frustrated with his mothers reliance on him, and annoyed at his 5 brothers stupidity and lack of thought about money and support for their mother. He has decided to build this house, but has an agreement from his mother that the house is his, and she is not to give it to any of the other brothers. I helped him in seeing that he should get the land in his name before he starts any work on it, but this agreement with his mother was from him.

Its good to see him 'wiseing up' and I hope that it makes him a stronger person.

[terdsak_12]

Why the ###### would anyone pay someone to live with them unless it's for a night or two.

I work and make my money, my missus works and makes her money, that's it?

[Dove]

Don't start a relationship based on money. Many have and have ended up broke.

[Bluecat]

Don't start a relationship based on money. Many have and have ended up broke.

Come on, all relations in one way or another are based on money,...

Let's me remind you the saying of one of the richest guy on earth and the second husband of Jacqueline Kennedy:

If it wasn't for women, money would have little meaning. Aristotle Onassis

[Maverick]

To those chumps that have joint accounts I say this - ###### hath no fury like a woman/man scorned so better make sure your the perfect man/woman and you can guarantee nothing will ever go wrong. All very well to be high and mighty now but when problems arise that all goes out the window I assure you. And if one or other arrives at the relationship with significantly more assets than the other the problem is magnified. Start as u mean to go on...............separate bank accounts and a pre nup = less stress and quarrels.

[pnustedt]

Start as u mean to go on...............separate bank accounts and a pre nup = less stress and quarrels.

Maverick - midnight and just finished the "Top Gun" movie - you're not Tom Cruise are you?

Seriously, I agree, start as you mean to go on, as one, or prepare for the future separation. Your aspirations will come true

[KevinN]

..

Oops. Sorry KevinN. Seems like your mouth beat my finger... again

Edited February 28, 2004 by IT Manager

[britmaveric]

My TF owns property and business. She rarely asks for any dosh, however when she does ask I don't grumble too much. I guess the amount of money all depends on how much the actual need is? Do they work and are they able to support themselves comfortably? However sick buffalo doesn't count!

[wcr]

KevinN,

Why do you have to proove to us here that you ARE A REAL MAN, by ###### a woman. Something you're not to sure about re your own sexuality? You say you are ##### "your Thai wife who's a woman. Well lucky for you, however, are you sure she's a real woman? I am SURE you will know how conviencing these ladyboys can be as its normally your type that go with them, you know, the real men types, like you!

Real men don't have to proove thier sexuality, so get a life, or go back to which ever hole you came from.

[the gentleman]

How much are you paying - well if that includes the shopping, as much as anyone else. If you have to pay for your partner to stay with you, what type of relationship is that?

Bluecat, IMHO, you are right to a certain degree, but if your talking about a monthly salary for your partner, that is definately not based on love - its a transaction.

If you help out the family, because of thier financial situation, then all the power to you, but if your buying mobile phones, gold and giving money whenever asked, your asleep at the wheel or awake at the ATM.

[Axel]

Maverick - midnight and just finished the "Top Gun" movie - you're not Tom Cruise are you?

An inverted double G-force loop against the MiGs or whatever the dialogue was (I saw that tape a long time ago, 'Yes mam, thast is correct, mam') YOU keep your head on your neck and right you are. Either trust or use the parachute.

[cyber_cynic]

wcr wrote :

  don't know whether this has been done before as I am new here. But I am really interested to see what we are paying our g/f's or b/f's. There is so much talk about the rip off's that take place by the women (and men) here.

I'll start off. I pay my partner 12000 Baht per month, plus all his living costs. His living cost are no more than 3000 per month. I don't pay the family, however I make the odd donation if I feel inclined. However he also works for me, full time in my business for this 12000 Baht.

So over to you guys and girls. Anybody care to share this information with us? We can judge then how we are performing.

wcr, from my perspective I would say you need to rethink. Not what you are paying your boyfriend but the post itself, because it is both ambiguous and a little misleading, though I am sure not intentional. It seems you have not drawn a distinction between what your partner earns and what you subsidise (gift).

When I first saw the title of the post I thought you meant "give" b/f or g/f. However, on reading the post maybe "pay" is the correct term since he works for you. However, remember this is his salary and he earns it, so it is not like other relationships where partners "subsidise" each other. If for example he worked for someone else and earned 12,000 baht, you would realise you are subsidising him only to the tune of his living expenses i.e. 3,000 baht. The fact that he works for you does not change this. Now of course if his remuneration package was negotiated to include a living expense allowance, then you are subsidising him zero.

I am no way telling you how much you should pay him, I am just saying maybe you should rephrase your post and compare salaries if employing b/f or g/f o/wise you should differentiate between salary and gifts.

Personally I would draw a distinction between having a g/f and living with one. In the latter case I think one would need to be more giving than if she it were a live-out g/f.

At least you know he is putting the money to good use.

[sanook mak]

###### workin him full time and poggin him to and all for 12000 a month,,sounds Ok if your'e into that kinda shit,,

My Thai wife,who is a woman, works and I am retired ,but we share all the money that comes in,but then I am married to a woman..

tired of listenning to these kind of comments in a community forum.

thought thaivisa might be different.

we all know wcr is gay, so is this just troll?

or perhaps KevinN is just a guy who has taken on the roll of a woman?

ouch

[mrmnp]

cyber cync: Thanks for a great post, right on in all respects.

sanook mak: while I have read defininitions of what a troll is, what would KevinN's purpose be in venting such garbage. He sure gives AA a bad name and if he is truly a memeber of that fine organization, he needs to be attending a lot more meetings.

[cdnvic]

Though my wife and I don't have a joint account, this hasn't ever been something we needed. Over the past three years or so we've both had our times of being well off, and others when one of us has been a bit financially strained. If one of us needs money the other always hands it over without any hassle. We'll probably get a joint account when we get a mortgage and stuff.

As for those talking about how others are foolish for joint accounts, well I have to disagree. I'd rather get burnt once in a while than go through life bitter and distrustful all the time. If you aren't willing to trust them with your money, then you're with the wrong person because there is so much worse she could do than stealing a few thousand baht. Makes me wonder why anyone would sleep in a house full of scissors with someone they can't trust with an ATM card.

cv

[tuky]

I'd rather get burnt once in a while than go through life bitter and distrustful all the time

Well said cdnvic

who was it that said something about a life not lived is a life not worth living?

something like that anyway.

[Johnny Moron]

who was it that said something about a life not lived is a life not worth living?

something like that anyway.

I can't remember the name of the person either but the point is apt.

Surely, a relationship built on anything less than complete trust is more than just a little hollow.