why do men get so adicted to Thailand?

[Boxclever]

I’m flabbergasted!

I have a close friend that has recently hit on hard times. He was laid off work about a year ago and has been unable to secure another job since and now he has only enough funds to last him another month.

He lives in Thailand, has a house and two kids aged 7 & 2. His wife died last year so now he is a single father raising his kids.

He’s been desperately trying get another job in the region and to say the least, he is very worried about what to do when the money runs out this month. I told him I was in a similar situation about 6 years ago and that I took my wife and Son back to Australia before the money ran out. Got a job, put my Son in kindergarten, relaxed and kept looking for another job in Thailand. After only 9 months I got the job, moved back to Thailand and have been in the same job since. It ended up being a very positive experience especially for my Son. He got his grounding in English and now, even though he attends a Thai school, it is his first language.

By his reaction you would have thought I suggest he take his kids to hell for a few months! No way was he open to going home even for a short time when it is clearly the only logical option left for him. When I asked him what plan B was…he didn’t know (perhaps sell his house?) but it is certainly not going back to Oz for a few months.

I’ve met plenty of men with the same attitude and I truly believe, like my friend, they are completely addicted Thailand to the point of even ignoring their children’s welfare. For me…I wouldn’t think twice about going back for a while if I had too. acyually it's a nice thought.

What do others think?

[soi41]

To me it doesn't sound like addiction, more like stupidity and not taking responsibility for his children!

He needs to man up, and get his act together, whatever it takes. Stop hiding his head in the sand!

[CharlieH]

When you have children they come first no matter what, life can be hard but as the parent its your responsibility to decide to do whats best for them, not you.

If you adopt any other attitude you dont deserve them, in my opinion.

[Bluetongue]

Always have a Plan B, until Plan A matures anyway, it sounds like he may have depression but which would make forming any plan difficult.

[zeichen]

We don't know the back story. For me it would be harder to bring my child back to the US and try starting up there than it would be to find something else in Thailand. He might actually have more roots in Thailand.

Don't be so quick to judge. Just be supportive and understanding and let him figure things out.

YOur job as a friend isn't to make decisions or even come up with a plan for your firends, it is only to be there during the process. YOur choices worked for you but don't think that they would work for everyone.

[maxx58]

I personally believe that for a Westerner to expect to live in Thailand long-term-- especially if he wants to have a family, then he must be retired with a decent pension or have more than enough cash in the bank.

To expect to live here long-term with the uncertainty of the job market is very risky.

[I knew this would happen]

What about the rest of the Thai family, can they provide any backup or is he out there alone? If there is any well working family network in the backround a further stay "may" be at least a little reasonable. But when he´s basically alone, what´s left to keep him here? He has no rights, what about the visa, who owns the house, everything will fall apart and any return home will be very difficult without any funds left. Is there any family back home which is ready to help him outta this mess if necessary? They even might be able to convince him to do the right thing now!

For a seven year old it might be really hard to accept such a change of life. My wife moved from China to Thailand when she was eight, she still tells me what kind of horror it was for her, but the wellbeing of the whole family might depend on that drastic move.

It sounds like a disaster is waiting to happen if nothing changes, after one year of looking for a job it might not happen the next month very likely

Edit: In the case of my wife moving from China to Thailand she stated that at that time noone was prepared or ready to give any assistance in her attempt to integrate into the Thai system. In Australia that should be not the case i guess, less hardship at least.

Edited November 5, 2013 by I knew this would happen

[craighj]

We don't know the back story. For me it would be harder to bring my child back to the US and try starting up there than it would be to find something else in Thailand. He might actually have more roots in Thailand.

Don't be so quick to judge. Just be supportive and understanding and let him figure things out.

YOur job as a friend isn't to make decisions or even come up with a plan for your firends, it is only to be there during the process. YOur choices worked for you but don't think that they would work for everyone.

Wise words indeed, Zeichen.

Craighj

[jvs]

Some people have law enforcement waiting when they get of the plane.

[chrisinth]

When you have children they come first no matter what, life can be hard but as the parent its your responsibility to decide to do whats best for them, not you.

If you adopt any other attitude you dont deserve them, in my opinion.

Whereas I would totally agree with you on principle Charlie, with the kids coming first, it is sometimes not that simple. For the children to survive with a reasonable quality of life, then resources are needed to enable that to happen. Sometimes sacrifices, and hard decisions have to be made to achieve the end goal.

IMO, if the guy has been out of work for the last year with no prospect of finding work, down to his last months money then his present strategy isn't working. He needs to create more options to support his family.

Sometimes it can be easy to talk yourself out of what you know needs to be done.

Edit: Charlie, just reading back on what you said, I may have got it wrong in what you were saying. Apologies if that is the case.

Edited November 5, 2013 by chrisinth

[ayayay]

Why do men get addicted to Thailand?

Women and Booze

[Forethat]

Let me see here...

You have a friend who's biggest problem is that he doesn't have the ability to listen to reason and common sense.

And you want to air this question on TV...?

[Jackson86]

Why do men get addicted to Thailand?

Women and Booze

Haha. Maybe 1st point is true for me but not 2nd point I ain't a good drinker. Another point is I'm attracted to the friendliness of Thai people which is absent in my own society.

[thailiketoo]

Why do men get addicted to Thailand?

Women and Booze

Yes, Thailand is the only country with those two things.

[Scottythai]

Wow I guess the welfare of his kids is beneath the comfort of him living in Thailand. Strange friend indeed

[HardenedSoul]

The guy's down to one month's money.

He needs to leave sharpish.

Kids are resilient and adaptable so he can dispense with the cotton wool if that's what's stopping him going.

The last thing he wants to do is end up pounding the phones for a boiler room operation

[DiamondKing]

You create your own job

With the internet these days there IS SO MANY WAYS to make a serious income online, but you have to learn its like anything else it takes time and money to learn a new trade and most are not prepared to take the action and commitment required.

I did it took me 12 months of learning and educating myself but now its money on tap.

Edited November 5, 2013 by DiamondKing

[abrahamzvi]

We don't know the back story. For me it would be harder to bring my child back to the US and try starting up there than it would be to find something else in Thailand. He might actually have more roots in Thailand.

Don't be so quick to judge. Just be supportive and understanding and let him figure things out.

YOur job as a friend isn't to make decisions or even come up with a plan for your firends, it is only to be there during the process. YOur choices worked for you but don't think that they would work for everyone.

A real friend may, quite frankly should, give good advice. If it is accepted or not is another matter.

I don't know what line of business you are in, it may be easier for you to get a job here than in the US, but I can only say that if I were in a position of not being able to get a job here and running out of money, I would most certainly go home and then see what I can do to get back here, if at all possible. The gentleman concerned will have no choice if nothing materializes in the next few weeks and as a father he has to think of his child!

[astanhope]

I'm waiting for a self-loathing luuk-kreung (half-baby) who lives here (on an expired visa, of course) to chime in before I say anything.

[monkeycountry]

I personally believe that for a Westerner to expect to live in Thailand long-term-- especially if he wants to have a family, then he must be retired with a decent pension or have more than enough cash in the bank.

To expect to live here long-term with the uncertainty of the job market is very risky.

Some people have skills that makes it easy for them to land good jobs anytime (good as in well paid). Most seem to be in Bangkok though.

[metisdead]

An inflammatory post has been removed as well as the replies. Posts containing inappropriate language have been removed. Another post in all caps has been removed, turn off your Caps Lock button when posting.

[samran]

I'm waiting for a self-loathing luuk-kreung (half-baby) who lives here (on an expired visa, of course) to chime in before I say anything.

moi?

[Alwyn]

Maybe he hasn't got the money left to relocate him and kids to Oz? The take into consideration locking up home etc etc. I kind of understand his predicament, he's built a life here, bring up a couple of kids, nice home blah blah. Has he no family back home he can call on? he needs to sort himself and children out. I feel for the guy, good luck to him!

[35mm]

I agree that the sensible thing to do is get back to your home country, get the the children sorted and then start again.

Been there, done that, same sort of situation.

Thai in-laws and extended family won't usually help. Nothing is lower on the Totem-pole than a skint Farung !

I read one post on here, that said best to be a retiree with an income and cash in the bank. That's kind of true.

Side stepping a job and trying to get a potential new employer to get you a work permit can be quite daunting and not easy.

Most of the successful ex-pats I know in Thailand have their own businesses and do not rely on being an employee which is becoming more and more difficult it seems.

Back to the original question, why do men get so addicted to Thailand? Depends, the ones I met who just couldn't get enough of R and R usually crashed and burned!

Some of us actually prefer the Buddhist culture to where we have come from..

Thailand has many wonderful attributes and is exciting.. Can't say that about the UK these days.

Cheers all!

[planetdweller]

Why do men get addicted to Thailand?

Women and Booze

You said it all right there. 99 times out 100 , those are the reasons. And both of them will sink your ship a great deal of the time , before all is said and done. I've certainly partaken of both. Have since stopped drinking and cut back on women chasing in the Kingdom. This has been very very very difficult. I miss having several cold ones 3 or 4 times a week in the worst way and my affinity for pretty Asians will never leave me.

[smileydude]

There isn't really enough information on the reasons why your friend isn't considering the option of going back to Oz to offer any sound advice. Did you ever consider asking him?

If his savings are going to last just another month in Thailand, I would think they'd last about a week down under and thats not even including airfare so where would he get the funds to move back and try to find a job?

The fact that your concerned makes you a good friend. You can give him advice but he'll have to figure the rest out on his own.

Edited November 5, 2013 by smileydude

[personchester]

Unemployment happens in any country, not just Thailand, and many countries provide social security for those that lose their job and remain unemployed.

Farang's that lose their job in Thailand get no monthly state security payment and that is tricky for those that lost there job and can not find a new job in due course, as a result the Thai wife and their children will suffer greatly.

It is better to come to Thailand as a retired fellow with normal monthly state pension payments, then Thai wife's and their children (if any) will have a good life with no financial problems at all.

[Papadragon]

Some people have law enforcement waiting when they get of the plane.

I think that applies to many Aliens in Thailand getting OFF the plane in their own country

Edited November 5, 2013 by Papadragon

[sgtsabai]

I have a good friend, and I don't have many on purpose, that just returned to Oz. He has plenty of money but is not ready to retire just yet. Frankly, he was happy to go. He had been here many, many years between jobs mainly in Africa and was sick of the place. Well, he did take a Thai lady back with him, at least for awhile...lol. The job market in Africa has dried up a bit, that is unless you are good with an AK. I was able to work until retirement, after loosing everything in a divorce from hell while semi-retired, for the 2nd time. I don't know why your friend doesn't want to return to Oz, but I know for many of us, this is home, not our country of origin. I've long said, there is an Asian addiction, not everybody has it, I don't understand it, certainly can't explain it. Who knows, something in our genetic make up? After my little 'vacation' courtesy Uncle Sam's Misguided Children back in '66/67 I knew I wanted to live in Asia, ah no not in Vietnam. When I was finally able to return, a friend I was with, also SE Asia Vet (still not quite sure exactly what he did, hmmm?) and I walked out of Dong Meaung, I took a deep breath, oh thank you Buddha it didn't smell like VN, he turned to me with a little grin and said "Welcome Home". He knew it was in my blood. I hope to never, ever return to the Corporate Police State of Amerika and haven't been back in years. I would be in deep crap if the government cut me off, all my money comes from government retirement, either Federal, State or local, as I lost over a 1/4 million USD in my divorce and had to declare bankruptcy to get from under. I'm a bit long in tooth to find a job again, ah but still good with an AK.

I don't know your friends age, but he is certainly in a position I would hate to be in. But, children come first, always. I hope he works it all out. Let's don't damn him. You have done about all you can do, but he has to understand his options are extremely limited at this point. My best to your friend.

Ah, about Women and Booze, yea I like, who in their right mind wouldn't? My long time Thai wife would feed bits of me to the ducks if she even suspected another. I still enjoy the eye candy and bull the ladies give out in the bars.

[HardenedSoul]

Because Thailand is a mirror in which they see themselves as something, and not as the sad losers they really are. Leaving Thailand would force them to face life's cold, cruel, and humiliating reality. It's the Thailand male expatriate syndrome.

For sure there are a lot of chancers trying to reinvent themselves as "somebodies" in Thailand - DJs, models, financial advisers - but there are also quite a lot of expats who do well wherever they are.

Besides, who's the real loser;

The guy in your "cold, cruel and humiliating reality" who - too terrified to consider alternatives - dutifully follows the path (uni, job/career, mortgage, marriage, kids) that conventional society lays out for him and ends up at 65 feeling like he's hardly lived apart from the gap year he spent backpacking and a handful of two-week holidays?

or

The guy who realises early on that the best way to handle the trap is to avoid it altogether until such time as he's done some real living while he's young and fit enough to enjoy it to its full potential?

Ok so it's an over-simplified example because, ultimately, just getting on a plane without a plan doesn't stop someone being a loser but walking a pre-ordained course and being "safe" doesn't make you a winner.

It just makes you scared.