Why is being married so important to arangs here?

[Jip99]

Commendable thinking and it is important that you follow your beliefs. However, it is rather dramatic to think that a child born out of wedlock would bring shame on a house. Having a luuk krung might but, unless you are a Bangkok Hi-so, illegitimacy is unlikely to.

You do, of course, realise that your wife is more likely to be looked down on for marrying a Farang. It is apparently a commonly held view that she is unable to attract a Thai husband and has 'dropped down' to marry a Farang.

Odd really, given the likelihood that you will provide far more security for her than a Thai could do - but that's how it is.

Absolute <deleted> my friend..... Unless opinion differs from village to village. To attract a farang is a major coup for a family. Marriage is fantastic for them--- especially if you are a decent bloke and not an alcoholic washes up knob end like a lot are. The young Thai blokes hate farang-- we are taking their women--- saying that, the fact that we have a job and work hard for our money is a concept that is foreign to people sitting under a tree all day smoking and drinking....

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I am sure that you believe that to be true,

From my observations status is judged by the wife's position and not by that of a Farang.

Trust me, marrying a Farang is not a trophy winning situation, invariably it is considered 'second best'. Unless, of course, you are comparing marriage to a westerner with the one of the local drunks.

Thai marrying Thai is the highest status you can get. A Thai is only likely to pursue a Farang where it is deemed that she will obtain a better life.

[slipperylobster]

My guess is that your own conscience bears witness that getting married is the "right thing to do", if not for your own sake...for the sake of the child. To not consider his/her own feelings for bringing them into the world as a BASTARD would be totally selfish on your parts. Do the right thing my friend, and get married.

Just make sure you two are in love, and respect each other.

Do not get married just because she had a baby. That, by inself, would be more harmful to the child, to grow up in a home where there was resentment, fighting, and insecurity. Sometimes getting married is the worst thing you could do to a child. But do provide the support.

I just hate to see two people who cannot possibly co-exist, get married and then have the child grow up in a disfunctional home.

[mesquite]

I met my wife nearly four years ago, and she's a typical Thai woman...very non-confrontational, unassertive and timid. I could sense immediately that she was reluctant to bring up the subject of marriage for fear that it might run me off before we had a chance to mature in our relationship and discover each other's stance on an assortment of matters. However, I firmly believe in the institution of marriage, and I loved her so much that I couldn't bear the thought that even one person would look down on her for living with me without the benefit of marriage. It was my desire to make "an honest woman" out of her for both our sakes. We were married legally as well as in the village within the first few months after we met and are extremely happy until this day.

My guess is that your own conscience bears witness that getting married is the "right thing to do", if not for your own sake...for the sake of the child. To not consider his/her own feelings for bringing them into the world as a BASTARD would be totally selfish on your parts. At this point you are not able to determine the future morality of your child, but if you don't get married before the child is born then you could potentially damage your child for the rest of his/her life. You say that you have nothing to lose by not marrying, but you are bringing more shame on your house than you could ever imagine. Do the right thing my friend, and get married.

Commendable thinking and it is important that you follow your beliefs. However, it is rather dramatic to think that a child born out of wedlock would bring shame on a house. Having a luuk krung might but, unless you are a Bangkok Hi-so, illegitimacy is unlikely to.

You do, of course, realise that your wife is more likely to be looked down on for marrying a Farang. It is apparently a commonly held view that she is unable to attract a Thai husband and has 'dropped down' to marry a Farang.

Odd really, given the likelihood that you will provide far more security for her than a Thai could do - but that's how it is.

Not true for Hi So either. Again, the current PM does not have a legal marriage and has children. I agree with every thing else you write, though. Thais just don't look at all this the way we farangs do.

[TheGhostWithin]

I am finding that there is a clear difference in understanding of a marriage and implementation of married life between Thai and Foreigner. My girlfriend of 3 years wants us to get married currently, it is not something I am looking for at the moment.

I find that for her being Thai Marriage is more something to show her family we are serious, and to show we love each other to the world.

From a Foreigners viewpoint, at least in my generation (I am 28 years old, slowly getting older ) many view marriage strictly as an "arrangement" for financial and social convenience. In a western sense at least for me here in NZ, it can have very negative aspects financially both for wealth creation and in divorce (though so can a relationship lasting more than 2 years).

We have already shown the world we love each other, we hold hands all day when we are around each other and share our evenings together until our last waking breath. We slowly learn about each other every day (yes, we are still learning, one of the reasons I do not feel comfortable marrying yet) and are finding ways that we can make each others lives a little easier by helping one another out. This does not require marriage.

But, her mother wants the marriage, she wants the 1 million baht sin sot, she wants the social status and reputation to come with it. When you marry a Thai person you are marrying their family, and you need to consider that you are not only marrying the morals, attitudes and approaches of your lady, but also their family. When she marries me, she only has to accept me, because I can choose at any time who to bring closer and who to push away from my life.

To me, that is the difference in attitudes to marriage between Thai and Foreigner.

[SeabagsFull]

I am with you, Khunpa. Marriage is an extrinsically-controllable institution with inherently built-in pressures. That is, your relationship & lives together become legally, financially, & in most cases religiously bound. I often imagine a day in the distant future when mankind will have outgrown all the religious mumbo jumbo that mandates, & is the source of, marriage & dictates all its rules (both internal & society-interfacing).

Unfortunately, we live in a different world. When you love someone dearly & her heart is bent on marriage (i.e., due to cultural upbringing), you make a choice -- in this case, free of extrinsic pressures -- to go ahead with matrimony because you want to make your girlfriend's dreams come true. That is why I married my Thai lady over nine years ago. We are an extremely happy couple, probably because I have no expectations other than trying to make her happy. She is worth it ti-suk nai-lok!

[MilesofSmiles]

If you don't want to marry, don't get married.

If you're both on the same page and happy with it, then proceed as you are.

The Buddah wedding will change how you are viewed considerably, & without signing away your human rights!

The rights given to a foreigner that marries a Thai are a bit of a con in comparison to most western countries.

[FiftyTwo]

I could go on but do you get the picture?

The only right a man has in the UK, is the right to pay child support.

No matter what his marital status. Everything else up to the woman.

Thailand is considerably more fair to men, and they can have equal rights over the children, no matter what the woman wants.

[aechzen]

a good men style is; ,you wait for the girl ask you for married and then you get around 450 000 bath from her for as deposit for she can get your nationaly passport after 4 years and to show that she realy love you ! and her parents payfor the married party ,than you can say yes !

this is why clever mens have nice wifes !

[mca]

,you wait for the girl ask you for married and then you get around 450 000 bath from her

Perfect. Then you can open your own Home Pro!

[slipperylobster]

Just an observation, relating to the Title of the subject matter...

Why is being married so important to farangs here?

Exactly...why?

Many men are genuinely sincere...and find nice wives.

Others scour the sex sois in Pattaya and sample many younger ladies, before choosing one. In this case, it is amazing that this sort of man will pay Sin Sod (a million or more) for a prostitute, in order to salvalge the virtue of her and her family. That is the confusing part. Up here in Isaan, many families joke about how their daughter just acquired a Farang and is now driving a Mini Couper up to Isaan every month, to hook up with her neighborhood lover. Now this farang shows up, and all the people in town are farwning on him, inviting him to parties, and just remarking how handsome this guy is. He is shown some land (probably belongs to the girl's family anyways (she gets to live for free there)...and it is sold to him (her). A million or so later, two baht gold, and then the big buddha wedding. Notice all the men dancing with the bride....eh? The farang, of course, cannot stay forever. He goes back home, and bam, miss bar lady is back in business. Ten farangs on Date-In-Asia and 13 other lucky ones on Asian Kiss. Local Thai boys poking her good and partying at the discos.

So you see, the question is not totally covered in one answer. There are two paths.

1. If the girl is an honest, hard working, educated lady who loves and communicates with you.....Marriage is an honorable, and sociably viable path.

2. If the girl was broken in on Soi 6 in Pattaya, they you get a lot of leverage.

Obvious viewpoints for an obvious question.

[TheNativeSon]

Any woman, from anywhere in the world, getting pregnant in her 40s, is a major topic of discussion to begin with.

Did your Thai "wife" discuss making a baby with you (first of all), before she "decided" to get pregnant? If her pregnancy was not a "joint" decision, then you've got a much bigger relationship issue, than you care to admit.

Re: In that part of the world where you come from, getting "officially" married to a woman that you are virtually married to anyway, especially when she is about to give birth to your child, is the "honorable" thing to do,......and you already know that.

What I find disturbing is that you seem to be verbosely "shopping", on this medium, as a means to support of your excuses and rationale for not marrying the lady. You waited until the third trimester of the pregnancy, before asking for advice?

For heaven sakes man, Grow-Up! Just do the right thing for both your lady and your "unborn" child. Capiche?

[Jip99]

Just an observation, relating to the Title of the subject matter...

Why is being married so important to farangs here?

Exactly...why?

Many men are genuinely sincere...and find nice wives.

Others scour the sex sois in Pattaya and sample many younger ladies, before choosing one. In this case, it is amazing that this sort of man will pay Sin Sod (a million or more) for a prostitute, in order to salvalge the virtue of her and her family. That is the confusing part. Up here in Isaan, many families joke about how their daughter just acquired a Farang and is now driving a Mini Couper up to Isaan every month, to hook up with her neighborhood lover. Now this farang shows up, and all the people in town are farwning on him, inviting him to parties, and just remarking how handsome this guy is. He is shown some land (probably belongs to the girl's family anyways (she gets to live for free there)...and it is sold to him (her). A million or so later, two baht gold, and then the big buddha wedding. Notice all the men dancing with the bride....eh? The farang, of course, cannot stay forever. He goes back home, and bam, miss bar lady is back in business. Ten farangs on Date-In-Asia and 13 other lucky ones on Asian Kiss. Local Thai boys poking her good and partying at the discos.

So you see, the question is not totally covered in one answer. There are two paths.

1. If the girl is an honest, hard working, educated lady who loves and communicates with you.....Marriage is an honorable, and sociably viable path.

2. If the girl was broken in on Soi 6 in Pattaya, they you get a lot of leverage.

Obvious viewpoints for an obvious question.

That sounds remarkably close to the truth,

Whilst there is always some middle grounds, this post accurately describes to two main situations.

[TheNativeSon]

I met my wife nearly four years ago, and she's a typical Thai woman...very non-confrontational, unassertive and timid. I could sense immediately that she was reluctant to bring up the subject of marriage for fear that it might run me off before we had a chance to mature in our relationship and discover each other's stance on an assortment of matters. However, I firmly believe in the institution of marriage, and I loved her so much that I couldn't bear the thought that even one person would look down on her for living with me without the benefit of marriage. It was my desire to make "an honest woman" out of her for both our sakes. We were married legally as well as in the village within the first few months after we met and are extremely happy until this day.

My guess is that your own conscience bears witness that getting married is the "right thing to do", if not for your own sake...for the sake of the child. To not consider his/her own feelings for bringing them into the world as a BASTARD would be totally selfish on your parts. At this point you are not able to determine the future morality of your child, but if you don't get married before the child is born then you could potentially damage your child for the rest of his/her life. You say that you have nothing to lose by not marrying, but you are bringing more shame on your house than you could ever imagine. Do the right thing my friend, and get married.

[Jip99]

I met my wife nearly four years ago, and she's a typical Thai woman...very non-confrontational, unassertive and timid.

You describe a doormat.

Whilst I am sure there are Thai woman that fit that bill I would not describe those attributes as "typical".

I have seen some VERY confrontational Thai ladies who exhibit more of a Latin temperament - and I am talking in rural towns and villages, not the sois of Bangkok or Pattaya.

I think that timidity and lack of assertiveness can often be attributed to to the characteristics of 'greng jai' and 'mai bpen rai'.

In her dealings with me, my missus is often assertive, never timid and firmly believes that she is at least equal in status to me. She has been very assertive in telling me that should I ever 'roam', my testicles will come into contact with a sharp kitchen instrument.

THAT, I think, is representative of a typical Thai woman.

[fittobethaied]

I met my wife nearly four years ago, and she's a typical Thai woman...very non-confrontational, unassertive and timid.

You describe a doormat.

Whilst I am sure there are Thai woman that fit that bill I would not describe those attributes as "typical".

I have seen some VERY confrontational Thai ladies who exhibit more of a Latin temperament - and I am talking in rural towns and villages, not the sois of Bangkok or Pattaya.

I think that timidity and lack of assertiveness can often be attributed to to the characteristics of 'greng jai' and 'mai bpen rai'.

In her dealings with me, my missus is often assertive, never timid and firmly believes that she is at least equal in status to me. She has been very assertive in telling me that should I ever 'roam', my testicles will come into contact with a sharp kitchen instrument.

THAT, I think, is representative of a typical Thai woman.

Jip99, I guess we all eventually settle down with the female personality with which we feel most comfortable, and for me that would be a doormat with a brain. I like the subservient "yes" kind of woman and when they start getting too assertive then I know it's only a matter of time before they start trying to take over the house. If you give them enough rope they will hang themselves every time...and you in the process! I've tried the equality BS three times and it never works, so hopefully my number 4 will continue to be my lucky charm. There's only one chief in my teepee, and that's the way I like it. To each his own!

[Stradavarius37]

Without being married you have no parental rights over any children you produce in Thailand.

The Thai authorities do not even consider the child yours, you are not next of kin, they will say the child has no father.

I married my woman before we had children to avoid 'complications'.

I'm sure "your woman" is thrilled

Sent from my iPhone using ThaiVisa app

[Stradavarius37]

 

I met my wife nearly four years ago, and she's a typical Thai woman...very non-confrontational, unassertive and timid.

 

You describe a doormat.

 

Whilst I am sure there are Thai woman that fit that bill I would not describe those attributes as "typical".

 

 

I have seen some VERY confrontational Thai ladies who exhibit more of a Latin temperament - and I am talking in rural towns and villages, not the sois of Bangkok or Pattaya.

 

I think that timidity and lack of assertiveness can often be attributed to to the characteristics of 'greng jai' and 'mai bpen rai'.

 

In her dealings with me, my missus is often assertive, never timid and firmly believes that she is at least equal in status to me. She has been very assertive in telling me that should I ever 'roam', my testicles will come into contact with a sharp kitchen instrument.

 

THAT, I think, is representative of a typical Thai woman.

 

 

Jip99, I guess we all eventually settle down with the female personality with which we feel most comfortable, and for me that would be a doormat with a brain.  I like the subservient "yes" kind of woman and when they start getting too assertive then I know it's only a matter of time before they start trying to take over the house.  If you give them enough rope they will hang themselves every time...and you in the process!  I've tried the equality BS three times and it never works, so hopefully my number 4 will continue to be my lucky charm. There's only one chief in my teepee, and that's the way I like it.  To each his own!  

Classy

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[farang000999]

I met my wife nearly four years ago, and she's a typical Thai woman...very non-confrontational, unassertive and timid.

You describe a doormat.

Whilst I am sure there are Thai woman that fit that bill I would not describe those attributes as "typical".

I have seen some VERY confrontational Thai ladies who exhibit more of a Latin temperament - and I am talking in rural towns and villages, not the sois of Bangkok or Pattaya.

I think that timidity and lack of assertiveness can often be attributed to to the characteristics of 'greng jai' and 'mai bpen rai'.

In her dealings with me, my missus is often assertive, never timid and firmly believes that she is at least equal in status to me. She has been very assertive in telling me that should I ever 'roam', my testicles will come into contact with a sharp kitchen instrument.

THAT, I think, is representative of a typical Thai woman.

Jip99, I guess we all eventually settle down with the female personality with which we feel most comfortable, and for me that would be a doormat with a brain. I like the subservient "yes" kind of woman and when they start getting too assertive then I know it's only a matter of time before they start trying to take over the house. If you give them enough rope they will hang themselves every time...and you in the process! I've tried the equality BS three times and it never works, so hopefully my number 4 will continue to be my lucky charm. There's only one chief in my teepee, and that's the way I like it. To each his own!

You are on the fourth marriage and are looking for qualities in the 4th woman that are different than the other three but maybe you should be looking at yourself instead since you are the constant variable in this little experiment.

[mca]

Others scour the sex sois in Pattaya and sample many younger ladies

For some reason I'm reading this in a pirate's voice Jim lad, I mean, mate.

[connda]

For the same reasons it was important in the West. It shows commitment.

[Jip99]

I met my wife nearly four years ago, and she's a typical Thai woman...very non-confrontational, unassertive and timid.

You describe a doormat.

Whilst I am sure there are Thai woman that fit that bill I would not describe those attributes as "typical".

I have seen some VERY confrontational Thai ladies who exhibit more of a Latin temperament - and I am talking in rural towns and villages, not the sois of Bangkok or Pattaya.

I think that timidity and lack of assertiveness can often be attributed to to the characteristics of 'greng jai' and 'mai bpen rai'.

In her dealings with me, my missus is often assertive, never timid and firmly believes that she is at least equal in status to me. She has been very assertive in telling me that should I ever 'roam', my testicles will come into contact with a sharp kitchen instrument.

THAT, I think, is representative of a typical Thai woman.

Jip99, I guess we all eventually settle down with the female personality with which we feel most comfortable, and for me that would be a doormat with a brain. I like the subservient "yes" kind of woman and when they start getting too assertive then I know it's only a matter of time before they start trying to take over the house. If you give them enough rope they will hang themselves every time...and you in the process! I've tried the equality BS three times and it never works, so hopefully my number 4 will continue to be my lucky charm. There's only one chief in my teepee, and that's the way I like it. To each his own!

Hmm. I am not sure how to respond because you make some very good points and I agree that being comfortable with someone (there is obviously more to it than that) is important for long-term contentment.

Maybe next time I will try the doormat with a brain - it does sound to have some appeal, and less conflict

[TheSpade]

The young Thai blokes hate farang-- we are taking their women---

LOL.

Don't kid yourself mate.

Very few young Thai (or older ones) hate or are even slightly jealous of the quality of Thai women that 90% of farangs end up with.

Most farangs end up with the ones Thai guys don't find attractive or that are overweight, socially awkward, midgets, crazy etc.

The Thai guys I know just can't understand why most farang date the women they do.

[thailiketoo]

The young Thai blokes hate farang-- we are taking their women---

LOL.

Don't kid yourself mate.

Very few young Thai (or older ones) hate or are even slightly jealous of the quality of Thai women that 90% of farangs end up with.

Most farangs end up with the ones Thai guys don't find attractive or that are overweight, socially awkward, midgets, crazy etc.

The Thai guys I know just can't understand why most farang date the women they do.

Sure,

Sirinya Winsiri, Husband Byron Bishop

Punlapa Margaret Taylor. Husband Edward Buttery

[farang000999]

Most farangs end up with the ones Thai guys don't find attractive or that are overweight, socially awkward, midgets, crazy etc.

But not you?

[Lancelot]

The young Thai blokes hate farang-- we are taking their women---

LOL.

Don't kid yourself mate.

Very few young Thai (or older ones) hate or are even slightly jealous of the quality of Thai women that 90% of farangs end up with.

Most farangs end up with the ones Thai guys don't find attractive or that are overweight, socially awkward, midgets, crazy etc.

The Thai guys I know just can't understand why most farang date the women they do.

I once heard a Thai child ask his mother why farangs don't like pretty women. You should have seen the Mother's embarrassed look but the kid was speaking the truth.

Spade has it right, the vast majority of Thai guys pity us with the choices we make with women

[ozyjon]

My ex and me had a budda wedding then planned to register the wedding at the embassy,, my gut feeling was to stall as much as possible to see how married life would be,, i had been seeing this girl for over 3 years,, on our wedding night she says in Perfect English,, "now that we are married half of your assets belong to me "

so i spent the next few months descretely moving my assets out of the house in secret then left for a holiday, never to return. What is that thing called marriage.

[thehelmsman]

My ex and me had a budda wedding then planned to register the wedding at the embassy,, my gut feeling was to stall as much as possible to see how married life would be,, i had been seeing this girl for over 3 years,, on our wedding night she says in Perfect English,, "now that we are married half of your assets belong to me "

so i spent the next few months descretely moving my assets out of the house in secret then left for a holiday, never to return. What is that thing called marriage.

[thailiketoo]

The young Thai blokes hate farang-- we are taking their women---

LOL.

Don't kid yourself mate.

Very few young Thai (or older ones) hate or are even slightly jealous of the quality of Thai women that 90% of farangs end up with.

Most farangs end up with the ones Thai guys don't find attractive or that are overweight, socially awkward, midgets, crazy etc.

The Thai guys I know just can't understand why most farang date the women they do.

I once heard a Thai child ask his mother why farangs don't like pretty women. You should have seen the Mother's embarrassed look but the kid was speaking the truth.

Spade has it right, the vast majority of Thai guys pity us with the choices we make with women

The old, "I once heard a Thai child say" gambit. I had almost forgotten what a load of information there is on Thai Visa.

[Thai at Heart]

My ex and me had a budda wedding then planned to register the wedding at the embassy,, my gut feeling was to stall as much as possible to see how married life would be,, i had been seeing this girl for over 3 years,, on our wedding night she says in Perfect English,, "now that we are married half of your assets belong to me "

so i spent the next few months descretely moving my assets out of the house in secret then left for a holiday, never to return. What is that thing called marriage.

That would get most peoples attention....

[luckyluke]

After 5 years of living together I married my girlfriend, this is 7 years ago. This was my decision as I am getting older, there is 23 years difference between me and my wife, and in my country the widow receive a pension equal to 80% of the husband last pension income till she die or till she remarried.

She still not believe it, " Why should they want to do that " is her argument.

A few years ago she started a small business in order to support herself and to "be safe" the day I am no more there.

I put on a document all my coordinates and told her she has to go to my embassy with it, after my death, I feel I have done what I had to do, the rest is up to her.