dating a shy university girl

[bangarang]

Tell her you've got a surprise present for her. Then tell her to shut her eyes. After that, kiss her (on the lips, cheek, or where ever you think is best).

See how she reacts. If she is offended, grossed out, screams etc. then tell her to eff off and find someone else.

Actually this is a good idea ... without the eff off part. Always be the gentleman.

I suggest when she closes her eyes you give her a gentle, short Thai sniff kiss on the cheek ... and leave it at that. If, indeed, she does freak out then be politely and respectfully honest and say you really want to be with her but she has to show some affection or you're moving on.

I gotta feeling she really wants to get closer but is too shy, inexperienced, and/or family-pressured to do so. You are the man so it's really up to you.

I've been here a year and this is the first I've heard of a "sniff kiss". The name sounds creepy.. how do you do it, what does it mean?

I should mention, I'm half italian and lived there for several years. I find it normal for to walk hand in hand, arm around each other, kiss goodbye, and thats just with friends! One of the things I find hardest in Thailand is how people say goodbye just by giving a little wave and walking off.

I have actually kissed this girl on the head a few times when saying goodbye at the bus stop (she's shorter than me so it is easy to do). Again she was smiling but didnt seem sure how to react.

But apart from our differences with PDA we get along really well, that's why I made this topic. I've met a lot of girls in bangkok and this is the first i think could be a potential girlfriend.

Good thai girls will never give PDA in public unlike in the US or UK... Well holding hands sure, but no making out in public.

Out of curiosity though, if your 25, what are you doing in Bangkok if you lived here for a year? Do you work here? I have been freelance designing and find it rare to meet other younger people my age here.

[DavyJones88]

She is shy because she doesn't really like you but she still needs your money because she is poor. She is trying hard to swallow her pride and just think about the possible $, but she is having trouble because she is not a hardcore prostitute. think about how a university student from your own country would feel about having a relationship with you? why should she be any different, if not because of $ don't you think she would rather be with a "university boy" from her own background

[mickyboy]

you say its like being back at high school well she is a high school student and is it that she untouched thats the prize now not the girl herself as you banging on about the sexuall subject not her remeber she kept it for 20 years so why give it to you in 6 weeks

[HardenedSoul]

A little add on to my previous insightful post; don't worry of things moving into the friendship zone. That doesn't exist in Thailand between boy and girl. It took my gf quite some time to understand I have female friends abroad whom I don't sleep with.

Totally agree. There is no friendzone in thailand between boys and girls here. My wife also took some getting used to knowing that im friends with girls back home, even an ex gf. Im sure if any came to visit me even after being happily married for 2 years now the shit would hit the fan. Its hard for any culture to understand but specifically Thais.

Look, if you're going to give the guy advice, at least try to make sure you actually know what you're talking about.

The "friendzone" most certainly does exist between boy and girl in this country but it is uncommon for foreigners to experience it given their tendency to encounter women at the paid end of the gusset pool. Those women don't buy the "we're just friends" line from farang men because they know full well that the average farang's lack of Thai language skills makes any genuine platonic friendship with another Thai woman nigh on impossible.

[HerbalEd]

Yes it is normal, and yes she likely is a virgin, so bear that in mind before you make any serious moves.

She will likely be much less shy about talking about things via text/chat/email, especially if its in English (assumig this is her second language). You can ask her directly about your concerns (although I would not label them to her as such) and youll probably be surprised that she doesnt mind to talk about them. Bring up the cultural differences as a precursor. You'll be better informed, have more realistic expectations and feel much better if you have this conversation with her, but obviously, make it all about "learning more about her" rather than "pushing her to do something".

It will feel like highschool (because us farangs do all this much earlier than many Thais do) and if my experiences in this regard are anything to go by, that feeling will only get stronger and not only related to physical stuff. Some guys like it- it seems asian men in particular. YMMV.

I think this is excellent advice. Take it to the net where she'll most likely feel a lot more relaxed and she can choose her words and feelings with a lot less pressure.

And don't worry if it seems like high school. It could be a lot of fun. One of my biggest fantasies is being back in high school ... but knowing what I know now.

Edited December 13, 2013 by HerbalEd

[bangarang]

A little add on to my previous insightful post; don't worry of things moving into the friendship zone. That doesn't exist in Thailand between boy and girl. It took my gf quite some time to understand I have female friends abroad whom I don't sleep with.

Totally agree. There is no friendzone in thailand between boys and girls here. My wife also took some getting used to knowing that im friends with girls back home, even an ex gf. Im sure if any came to visit me even after being happily married for 2 years now the shit would hit the fan. Its hard for any culture to understand but specifically Thais.

Look, if you're going to give the guy advice, at least try to make sure you actually know what you're talking about.

The "friendzone" most certainly does exist between boy and girl in this country but it is uncommon for foreigners to experience it given their tendency to encounter women at the paid end of the gusset pool. Those women don't buy the "we're just friends" line from farang men because they know full well that the average farang's lack of Thai language skills makes any genuine platonic friendship with another Thai woman nigh on impossible.

Of course it happens but its not nearly as common is it would be in the western world. When you see thai guys and girls hanging out most of the time its either a huge group or couples with a single here or there. Rarely do you see a boy and a girl hanging out together as just friends (nothing more) here.

More platonic friendships come into play the older you get, but for teens/20s/30s I have noticed thats the case here in Phuket.

[HerbalEd]

She is shy because she doesn't really like you but she still needs your money because she is poor. She is trying hard to swallow her pride and just think about the possible $, but she is having trouble because she is not a hardcore prostitute. think about how a university student from your own country would feel about having a relationship with you? why should she be any different, if not because of $ don't you think she would rather be with a "university boy" from her own background

You should consider putting something like an "in my opinion" in your very assumptive post. Don't assume everyone else's experience with women is the same as yours. In fact, be careful about assuming anything. Indeed, most assumptions are usually wrong or, at best, very inaccurate.

[krisb]

Have you checked her facebook?

[HeavyDrinker]

Maybe she simply doesn't see your 'relationship' as a physical one or even developing into one. Her head is more likely full of romantic dreams of some Young Thai K-Pop lookalike lad to pop her cherry with, than some considerably older bloke from an alien culture who may not even be in the country in 2 years time....

[humqdpf]

o.k she,s a 20 year old schoolgirl and i,m guessing your in your 60,s ,

i know there,s not but there should be a law about it just being

WRONG .....

You can deduce from the writing of a few emails that someone is in their 60s?!!!!

You have decided that there is something morally wrong with age difference between a couple of consenting adults who are dating or getting married? How?

You have decided that there ought to be a law against adults dating and marrying if they are not within X years of each other (where X = 5 years, 10 years, 15 years . . .)? Why? How do you decide on the magic limit? Given that we cannot catch all the rapists, murderers, robbers that are out there, we now ought to divert human resources and taxes to police the age difference between those who are dating or wanting to get married?

Thank goodness your proposed morality and law was not around when my parents met. My father's first wife died tragically before they could have any children (she was almost 10 years older than him). He had given up the idea of ever getting married again, did not even go on a date for many years. Years later someone came into his life - my mother was 25 years younger than my father and they married a few months after her 22nd birthday, had me and my siblings and remained happily married until he suddenly died in his late seventies. Of course your moralizing hyper-policing nonsense would have put a stop to all that.

Why do you feel you want to tell consenting adults how to live their lives? No one is telling you who or who not to marry/date?

[HeavyDrinker]

Why do you feel you want to tell consenting adults how to live their lives? No one is telling you who or who not to marry/date?

Maybe because the dude posted here asking for advice.....

[FiftyTwo]

There are short-time hotels everywhere.

Just drive into one with her on the back of your bike.

Simple.

Edited December 13, 2013 by FiftyTwo

[Jean Pierre Jacquot]

Very easy my dear:

Either you love her or not. If you do love her you would not care too much about her being uncomfortable having too strong physical contact with you at this time. If you do not love her you just give it try, you might win or loose but if you loose, you at least know it already now so do not need to waste more time on her.

[Minnehaha]

It's not a shy girl we are talking about.

It's a shy man.

Haha. Me thinks the lady doth protest very little and the man makes much ado about nothing.

[Somtamnication]

Make her an offer she can't refuse.

[bangarang]

Maybe she simply doesn't see your 'relationship' as a physical one or even developing into one. Her head is more likely full of romantic dreams of some Young Thai K-Pop lookalike lad to pop her cherry with, than some considerably older bloke from an alien culture who may not even be in the country in 2 years time....

The dude is 25, read much? He mentioned it like 3 times.

[HeavyDrinker]

Maybe she simply doesn't see your 'relationship' as a physical one or even developing into one. Her head is more likely full of romantic dreams of some Young Thai K-Pop lookalike lad to pop her cherry with, than some considerably older bloke from an alien culture who may not even be in the country in 2 years time....

The dude is 25, read much? He mentioned it like 3 times.

His age isn't relevant. The rest of my post is....

[lemoncake]

If you are not trying hit and run and if you really like her why hurry? Can't you have some patience for someone you like?

Sure I can.

But I've been seeing her twice a week for six weeks, isn't that a bit long? That's a genuine question, not rhetorical... I dont know Thai dating culture.

But I know in the UK, go more than a few dates and you still haven't even kissed.. you're going to get friendzoned very fast.

Your one true friend and saviour is alcohol. Few Baccardi's or Spy's and doors to eden will open

Alcohol - the last refuge for those with no class, no personality, and no charm.

David

Right mr class and personality and naturally mr charm

[seajae]

mate, looks like you will have to really take your time here, according to my wife you will prbably have to wait till married for any hanky panky, even kissing is a no no, holding hands is also not really a go. My wife has a 43 y/o girlfriend that has never been with a man because she has not found one she trusts(all thai though) and she is very well off so dont push too hard or its over. If you are serious you will have to prove it, try to meet the family, very important, have her friends go out to dinner with you etc, be nice and do not try anything underhanded at all or again its bye bye. Mate, you just have to consider it a work in progress, if marriage is not in the future just walk away because that is the only way forward.

When you find the one you love nothing is too much trouble, if it is then she is not the one and it is better to end it before too much hurt is involved. In other words, be a man.

[HeavyDrinker]

mate, looks like you will have to really take your time here, according to my wife you will prbably have to wait till married for any hanky panky, even kissing is a no no,

Sadly the OP is of the mindset that all Thai lasses are just dying for a Westerner to come along and pop her one...and her reluctance to do so is down to 'shyness'

[seancbk]

To the OP. You've been asked several times how old you are ... and yet not a word from you. Don't be shy ... tell us how old you are. Otherwise we must assume you're an old fart and then we know pretty much why this girl is not showing physical affection.

I wish people would bother to read all the previous posts before they start their own comments.

The OP clearly stated in post #84 that he is 25.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/688590-dating-a-shy-university-girl/?p=7154749

Now we have that out of the way, at 25 years I wouldn't bother waiting around for any woman unless she was a super model.

I certainly wouldn't do it for someone below my socioeconomic status, so unless this girl is from a wealthy family why bother.

Why spend weeks waiting to get intimate only to discover the woman has nasty breasts, or a large birthmark or some other unattractive flaw.

[lemoncake]

If you are not trying hit and run and if you really like her why hurry? Can't you have some patience for someone you like?

Sure I can.

But I've been seeing her twice a week for six weeks, isn't that a bit long? That's a genuine question, not rhetorical... I dont know Thai dating culture.

But I know in the UK, go more than a few dates and you still haven't even kissed.. you're going to get friendzoned very fast.

Your one true friend and saviour is alcohol. Few Baccardi's or Spy's and doors to eden will open:D

Very clever - do that in Europe and you'll be convicted of rape. Getting her pissed and then taking advantage of - great way to show he really cares for her.

She sounds a nice girl from a nice family. I have good Thai friends who I know waited many months, not a few weeks, Buying chocolates, flowers, perfume and behaving like true gentlemen.

If the OP needs a quick shag there's plenty of choices around, But, it seems he wants a meaningful relationship with a decent nice girl.

To the OP - stay cool, be a gentleman and it will happen and be well worth waiting for !

who said anything about getting her drunk to a point of being totally inebriated.

Good to see so many experienced people of age to date uni students

Ever occurred to some pensioners, this is not 50 years ago, but current times, year 2014.

Yes there are some , few shy virgins, from "good" family's but those do not exactly go running to date a foreigner, being well aware of the reputation they may gain just by being seen with one.

In OP case, either she is playing the game or wants to have someone to practice English and there is nothing more to it, no matter what OP thinks or imagines.

[advancebooking]

Its an interesting thread to read. Im currently getting to know a 29 yr old and its taking time.

My only advice to the O.P is to grow a pair. You are a man and must take the lead. Take the advice from other members about being in 'closed door' environment and making a move.

With any girl there has to be chemistry. At the appropriate moment, if you think that you could have kissed her then you could have. One way to find out is to say ''would you like to kiss me?’. If she says yes (which is rare) then you kiss her. If she says ‘maybe’ or hesitates then you say ‘lets find out’ and kiss her. If she says ‘no’…. ‘I didn’t say you could. You just looked like you had something on your mind’

[lemoncake]

Its an interesting thread to read. Im currently getting to know a 29 yr old and its taking time.

My only advice to the O.P is to grow a pair. You are a man and must take the lead. Take the advice from other members about being in 'closed door' environment and making a move.

With any girl there has to be chemistry. At the appropriate moment, if you think that you could have kissed her then you could have. One way to find out is to say ''would you like to kiss me?’. If she says yes (which is rare) then you kiss her. If she says ‘maybe’ or hesitates then you say ‘lets find out’ and kiss her. If she says ‘no’…. ‘I didn’t say you could. You just looked like you had something on your mind’

A safer approach to avoid obvious rejection is to say "want to kiss now or later" if she giggles or smiles , its a go, if she makes an angry face or shows disinterest, can always turn into a joke and say "ok, later"

Either way would be an indication of where you stand, have shown your intentions and yet did not put her on the spot.

Both get to save the face and have a way out if its a no go.

[HeavyDrinker]

is it just me who finds it funny or a little sad that so many seem to assume it's a sure thing for the OP if he 'mans up' or 'grows a pair'.

I'll wager few speak from first hand experience of a 20 yr old uni student...I wish I could...

[brit1984]

might be easier just to date an adult

[lemoncake]

is it just me who finds it funny or a little sad that so many seem to assume it's a sure thing for the OP if he 'mans up' or 'grows a pair'.

I'll wager few speak from first hand experience of a 20 yr old uni student...I wish I could...

3 first had experience in the past 10 years. First one, i was 26.

All 3 were very sweet and juicy, sadly i prefer more experienced women who actually know what they want and how they want it

[zeichen]

"try to meet the family,"

NO, do not do this.

If you are just dating and not serious do not ever meet the family. This is a serious step with most relationships and is seen as a declaration. Unless, you are being introduced only as a friend or co-worker.

Heavy Drinker, unfortunately that is the mindset of 90% of the posts on this thread. I don't believe that is the stance of the OP though. I think that he is just not accustomed to more traditional dating practices. In the US if I dated a woman for 6 weeks and went out that many times I would have been shocked if there wasn't any physical signs. Heck if you don't get a kiss good night after a nice first date, you usually don't get a second date. But the OP seems to be relatively new to Thailand is learning that there are many different types of woman and they all have their special quirks.

[RigPig]

Buy a gold necklace and leave it lying around where she can see it by accident. During the course of the night mention that you are a man and have the physical needs of a man and although you would prefer not to would she understand if you went with a lady bar?

[HerbalEd]

To the OP. You've been asked several times how old you are ... and yet not a word from you. Don't be shy ... tell us how old you are. Otherwise we must assume you're an old fart and then we know pretty much why this girl is not showing physical affection.

I wish people would bother to read all the previous posts before they start their own comments.

The OP clearly stated in post #84 that he is 25.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/688590-dating-a-shy-university-girl/?p=7154749

Now we have that out of the way, at 25 years I wouldn't bother waiting around for any woman unless she was a super model.

I certainly wouldn't do it for someone below my socioeconomic status, so unless this girl is from a wealthy family why bother.

Why spend weeks waiting to get intimate only to discover the woman has nasty breasts, or a large birthmark or some other unattractive flaw.

You should take your own advice and then you'd know that I already noted the OP's age.

Below your "socioeconomic status"? Really??