sdshaman Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 Hi Mate. You never said how old you are and how old your GF. Dowry is for marriage not heard of it for engagement, possibly a deposit before the you marry, 100k is the norm and a piece of gold. I am married and my wife has 16yr old daughter who I consider my daughter, she loves me very much. She has boy friend 19 we just had his family around to negotiate the dowry I stay out of it but my wife keep coming out to tell and ask me what I think. My daughter is young, virgin and a beauty B/F family love her and want her in family. I told my wife to go for 500k they start at 50k then up it to 100k plus 1bt neck chain, then my wife wants me to come in and sit with her and daughter so I do. My wife translates for me I tell them this is not a pathname market thing they are getting a good educated young lady so I say 350k they up it to 150k I come in with 300k they come back with 200k so I give a good talk and say last price is 250k they go for it so smiles all around my daughter puts arm around me. The B/F mother comes with the necklace for the deposit hand shakes all around and it is done so all good, they are going to Finnish school before the marriage. You will need to talk with your lady mate and make some of the rules, best of luck It was kind of like a deposit I guess, but they never said a final price. Said it was up to me. There was a baht of gold in the form of necklace and ring for her, and she inststed I wear a ring also (and never take it off) She is 19 and I am late 30's. I thought she was older when we were just on internet. Part of the problem is when I try and talk with her I do not get answers, she says she is bored and not want problem every day. I say so answer my question and I won't ask every day. Mostly about spending time together to grow relationship. It is like one of the other posts stated. Own agenda, my thoughts mean nothing. I told her we should just talk so we understand each other better. She says I am me what else is there to understand. Then she say what you want to talk about. like broken tape recorder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazw57 Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I hope you realize that the young girl that you think is your girlfriend's sister could very well be her daughter from a previous relationship. If that is the case them very little or no dowry would be applicable. Many people on hear will no doubt reject that idea as BS but some fools even pay a dowry when marrying bar girls who have children and have had hundreds if not thousands of ex lover's which to is insane. If you are marrying a Virgin then maybe the dowry tradition is applicable but if the woman has children and or been married before then its just a load of shit and a scam to extract money out of you. If if was you I would run away as fast as you can and don't look back. Head to Pattaya for a couple of weeks and shag as many bar girls as you possibly can and I am sure you will get over your CM girlfriend fairly quickly. ....but do not fall for one of the bar girls of you could end up in more trouble than you already have. Then once you are over the CM experience spend sometime looking for a nice Thai girlfriend (away from Pattaya) as there are plenty out there. Just choose carefully and make sure you do a background check before there is any talk of marriage. ...many on here will scoff at that suggestion buy it will be money well spent and could save you a lot $$$ in the end. And remember above all else that there 3 things that will always come ahead of you in a relationship with a Thai women. ..FFB...which is. Family, Food and Buddha.....these are important above everything else and if you are lucky you will be forth on the list. Once you understand that fully and accept it then you should be fine. Sent from my GT-I9100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdshaman Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 exactaly! that is why I post here because I want to make sure I am not doing wrong. Real peoples opinion that know more than me is greatly appriciated! You posted this at 3 am Thailand time ...... are you really in Thailand? If you don't listen to our well seasoned advice you aren't for real man ...... edit: an admin should check his ip address! whatever bro 118.172.43.82 I am listening to advice. That is why I am on here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdshaman Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 I don't think anyone told you that OP means Original Poster ... ie YOU Additionally if your fiancee has the baby at age 13 (very common out there) her body would bounce back very fast and have no stretch marks or other signs. The guy who recommended a lawyer and yourself for thinking that is a good idea don't really have much fore thought .... what good would that do? Allow you to write up a better dowry contract or something? As I said before hire a professional investigator and mate if I am not right I will pay the bill for you! Also as some said do some investigative work yourself ... new online account ... ask to see her computer phone etc ... be honest say that because from all your recent research that everyone says that she will have other bfs on the go and you want to prove that wrong..... she wont give you access though. Why? because there will be evidence of this. I agree AZNs can lie better than farang ... face is their nature! I actually did this and watch her site I found her on whenever we are not together and she is never logged in. Yes you are right an investigator is a much better idea. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdshaman Posted January 4, 2014 Author Share Posted January 4, 2014 deleted post until we know this guy is not a troll. You accuse me of being a troll... what would you like to know to prove other? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David48 Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 If I was your Physician now and not you're older, wiser Uncle, I would warmly suggest that at 4am in Thailand for you, it's best that you get some sleep. Sleep does amazing things for the Human Body. Oh, thanks for that time check in Thailand ... funnily thought, the gf just sent through an email soon afterwards. Thai woman ... HAH ... who would have one ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rakathaorai Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 You posted this at 3 am Thailand time ...... are you really in Thailand? If you don't listen to our well seasoned advice you aren't for real man ...... edit: an admin should check his ip address! whatever bro 118.172.43.82 I am listening to advice. That is why I am on here You posting an ip is not proof but Hey I am open to you being real and up all night in Thailand going insane ... I would be! I don't think anyone told you that OP means Original Poster ... ie YOU Additionally if your fiancee has the baby at age 13 (very common out there) her body would bounce back very fast and have no stretch marks or other signs. The guy who recommended a lawyer and yourself for thinking that is a good idea don't really have much fore thought .... what good would that do? Allow you to write up a better dowry contract or something? As I said before hire a professional investigator and mate if I am not right I will pay the bill for you! Also as some said do some investigative work yourself ... new online account ... ask to see her computer phone etc ... be honest say that because from all your recent research that everyone says that she will have other bfs on the go and you want to prove that wrong..... she wont give you access though. Why? because there will be evidence of this. I agree AZNs can lie better than farang ... face is their nature! I actually did this and watch her site I found her on whenever we are not together and she is never logged in. Yes you are right an investigator is a much better idea. Yeah man you need peace of mind and the investigator is the only way to be sure.... there are guys and girls that their sole job is to check out the genuineness of a potential thai wife or gf. It's huge business because the vast majority of them prove to be false and that's why if you are real we are all going insane for you because we want to save you from the likely train wreck! Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nomad127 Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I think it is much wiser to find a "plain jane" common gal or even better an ugly one, then the parents are just so damn happy that she found a man, they could care less about a dowry. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jacko45k Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Most Thai girls are driven by a desire to help and support their parents, this help includes marrying for money. But just because they do marry for money doesn't mean to say the relationship they enter into isn't a strong and loving one that will endure. The cynics will be along shortly to tell us that the issues of love and money shouldn't be mixed, regrettably it is so here in Thailand and it's part of the culture in many families so you may as well accept that. So really all that leaves is the question of your feelings and how much, as you are finding out the amount is negotiable and you can't really fault them for starting with a high number, what you finish with is another story however. The option of course is to say it's all nonsense, in which case your relationship is likely over and you will have to walk away, the choice is yours. From experience the engagement party is not common and the exchange of rings sounds like a cross between old Thai and modern farang cultures, bless them! It sounds to me like you had an engagement party and not a wedding, you would almost certainly know if it was the latter. Hey, I know you, you are the girl's father! Why don't you mention that sinsot is paid on the wedding day, not engagement party. It is quite possible that the family and girl are sincere, but they do seem to have an underlying greed that is cause for concern. The OP is coming at this from a position of naivety...... I would hold off on getting married and see if time forces reality to surface. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F4UCorsair Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 (edited) HEY, that is my girlfriend and I met her on the Internet too. She loves me. Are you trying to steal her? Get out of here Ulysses. She's MY girl. I been sending money for the past year, and I met her on the internet. What's going on here? Prominent business in CM but the daughter works for no pay?? Is she nuts? Are YOU nuts??? YES, you are being seen as a farang bank/ATM. Get the f*** out of that arrangement as fast as those feet will carry you, and count yourself lucky that you weren't dudded for a lot more. Of course there is another view....you are a troll? You're not an old guy, and young guys are more switched onto the internet, so that would be a first port of call for some research. Five minutes on TV would tell you to steer clear of such arrangements/stupidity. Edited January 4, 2014 by F4UCorsair Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hardened Spanker Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Hi Mate. You never said how old you are and how old your GF. Dowry is for marriage not heard of it for engagement, possibly a deposit before the you marry, 100k is the norm and a piece of gold. I am married and my wife has 16yr old daughter who I consider my daughter, she loves me very much. She has boy friend 19 we just had his family around to negotiate the dowry I stay out of it but my wife keep coming out to tell and ask me what I think. My daughter is young, virgin and a beauty B/F family love her and want her in family. I told my wife to go for 500k they start at 50k then up it to 100k plus 1bt neck chain, then my wife wants me to come in and sit with her and daughter so I do. My wife translates for me I tell them this is not a pathname market thing they are getting a good educated young lady so I say 350k they up it to 150k I come in with 300k they come back with 200k so I give a good talk and say last price is 250k they go for it so smiles all around my daughter puts arm around me. The B/F mother comes with the necklace for the deposit hand shakes all around and it is done so all good, they are going to Finnish school before the marriage. You will need to talk with your lady mate and make some of the rules, best of luck I'm willing to put in a bid of 300k and I haven't even seen her yet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ericthai Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I do like balance in these things, so since the majority here are in favor of suggesting that the female in question is only after your money, let me paint an alternate picture, from personal experience: I met my wife ten years ago, we lived together for a year before holding a forgiveness ceremony at the home of her parents, this was to apologize for living together outside of marriage - we were not engaged either, there was no financial aspect to this small ceremony other than to make a donation to the monks. By the second year I'd decided the relationship was going to be long term and since I was flushed at the time I offered to build her parents a house, our self managed 80 sq metre build project cost about 500,000. Why did I do that? Because I wanted to give something back and if the relationship had finished the following week I would still have been OK with it all. And I also funded a shop they built in their garden, I spent 10,000 baht to stock the shop after it was built and they took it from there. Today the family's quality of life is substantially improved over what it was when I first met them and I get a lot of satisfaction from that - they were dirt poor when we first met, seriously impoverished. Around year four we decided to get married and this involved a ceremony at the family home and sin-sod - sin-sod in this case was a cheque for a million baht with the words INVALID written across it, it served it's purpose of show and face at the ceremony. My financial commitment to the family (who are extremely poor) involve me paying their electric bill every month and this is typically under 1,000 baht, I voluntarily give them a further 4,000 baht and this is usually returned to us in some shape or form throughout the year, I don't keep track. My wife works at an upmarket hotel and earns decent money, I pay for all living expenses and she self funds whatever her needs might be - infrequent exceptional items get discussed fully, sometimes they get funded, sometimes they don't. Family crisis occurs about twice a year and their remedy gets discussed and agreed also. Last year my wife paid for our trip to Bali, this year I plan to buy her a new car, I trust my wife more than anyone else on the planet and the commitment has been tested (by circumstance) more ways than I care to think and she has always passed with flying colours. So there we have it, I wonder how many of the posters thus far who advocate running a mile have actually experienced a relationship in Thailand that was financially negative or how much of popular opinion is borrowed from the next bar stool or urban myth. And of those that have endured failed relationships that caused financial loss, does that person admit to knowing the real reasons for it? It's easy to say that I lost all my money to a Thai woman because that's the way they are, money grabbing etc. It's harder to say the relationship failed because, I was promiscuous, lacked commitment to making the relationship work, was only present for ten per cent of the time with the remaining ninety per cent being spent at work and/or overseas with my wife, and so on and so on, the reasons for this are legion. Good Post!! I have been living in Thailand about 20 years and was coming to Thailand for about 5 years for work before I moved here. I have had my share of Thai GF. My wife and I have been together for 7 years. I mention this to show I have no ill feelings toward Thai women. Reading the OP's post I see a few red flags. First is Sin Sod, I Paid 300,000B but it was all given back plus her dad gave us 8 rai. 5 million is a big number. Is she educated? Sin Sod is a tradition, but the amount is based on her status in society (ie Education, net worth, etc). I dont see how she can justify 5 million? Then her father not knowing how much per month. 30K seems like allot for the truck and house payment. How much is the house worth? how much is the truck worth? I would think 1/2 or maybe 2/3's of that would cover the house and car. How old is the girl? Seems odd her and mom and dad have a 6yr old, not saying it cant happen. I have known many girls that had a baby when young and then mom and dad take the child. Nobody here can tell you what to do. You need really look close at things and see what your gut tells you, does anything not seem right? You must have doubts if your are posting, so again nobody here can help you, you need to decide. Slow things down and see how it plays out. If things start to happen such as Mom gets sick, truck is broke, problem with the house and money keeps being asked for, then you know. No need to rush, take your time. Just like anywhere else in the world there are women out there that are gold diggers and will take everything they can get. So guys do need to be careful, but with all women not just Thai girls. Good luck to the OP and post back what you decide and how things go in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherrylee2512 Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Please only reply if you know facts about Thai. I already feel like a fool so you don't need to remind me I am westerner that finds a caring sweet Thai lady on internet. We talk several times a day and Skype at least once a day every day for several months. We always are saying the right things to each other so I decide to come to Thailand to meet her. She is everything I imagined. She says she never have boyfriend before and I believe her because she is so innocent. Her family owns a prominent business in Chiang Mai. I spend much time with them so I get to know as much as I can about whole family. They really seam like honest sincere family. Dad works but is disabled from birth defect. Mom runs business and this girl is her main worker. They also have a small daughter that is maybe 6-7. The girl I am interested in (who I will call A) works with her mom for no pay, only to help pay house and car payment. They work 12 hrs a day 7 days a week. I hang out with them at their shop every day all day long. We talk and get to know each other and have many good times and laugh together. I think how can these people be anything but sincere. A and I go to town every day and spend an hour or more together getting to know each other. She is as every sweet as she was on Skype and shows me so much care I think I am very lucky. One day there was much traffic and we were on our way back in her uncles tuk tuk. She asks if I want to take boat ride up Ping River since she never has and always wanted to and there is so much traffic. I lets do it. 2 hours later we arrive back at moms shop. Mom is upset and leaves. A starts crying. I ask her whats wrong. She asks what do you think of me? She says that there is gossip and people think we already sleep together so we cannot go out together anymore. So we only hang out at shop and with her parents after they finish work. A few days later she says that if we engage that we can go everywhere together. I think I love this girl and she loves me so I say we should. She starts to talk to me about dowry but won't tell me an amount and cries and gets nervous when we talk about it. 2 days later while we were sitting in my hotel room she coughs out 5 million Baht. I laugh and say you cannot be serious. So the next day her father wants to talk to me and he says that we can work something out. I went into this knowing about dowry and to have a thai gf you might end up taking care of family. A and I talk about how she wants dowry so her family is taken care of. I tell her that when we marry I will pay for house and car. She says that is 30,000 Baht. Later when I talk to her dad he says it is 20,000 Baht but she corrects him. Upon our engagement the house is 15,000 alone. (I only say these number because they might be sigificant to scam numbers) So now I sit down for the 3rd time to negotiate dowry and such. They say I pay dowry of 100,000 for engagement and bigger dowry when we marry. I think that $3k US money is nothing to be with someone that cares about me so much. Anyway this is tradition right? The date we get engaged now becomes a factor and we were kind of rushed into it for various reasons that make sense from their description. I only have 6 weeks here so I want to move fast because I am falling in love with this girl. I can only get 80,000 Baht out in time for the engagement because of ATM restrictions. They accept that and say that the other 20k will go to A for more gold. So the day of engagement I go to buy her a ring and up her necklace. She says I need ring also for engagement. So now I am at this ceremony at her parents shop with a couple of their friends. We present the 80K and the gold on a special tray and then are engaged. We go to her grandparents in Lampoon for new years. I am introduced to their family. Grand parents, great grandparents, friends, uncles you name it. They all tie white string on our wrists and everyone is joyous and happy, crying telling me to take good care of A. We come back to CM and now never go anywhere together alone. She says "let go to the zoo" so I jump on the opp to be alone with her but then sister comes and mom really isn't busy today so now I am not alone with her and have a 2000 Baht zoo ticket payment to make. days pass and still we never have time togeter alone. Oh, yeah we did walk halfway to the shop from the Zoo, but I really do not consider that quality time together. Yesterday she wants to go buy her gold from the remaining 20,000 Baht. I tell her no that we must talk first. Well, she is too busy and doesn't have time to talk (but had time to go buy gold???) When I talk with her alone I feel she really cares about me but when she gets near her parents things change and I feel she is pressured into not being herself??? Yes now I feel like a fool but my question here is about tradition. The engagement we had, does that follow any tradition? What I read says not really. Me having an engagement ring... is that tradition? The dowry I paid, is dowry for engagement or wedding? Did we just have a wedding ceremony or was it just an engagement? PLease include any reference material if possible. Thank you you probably know your silly already so im not going to moan and dont worry most farang men fall for the love disease. usually an engagement doesnt require a dowry its the marriage part that does require dowry and 5 million is way to much and that is only coz u are farang i married a thai man and my dowry was 500000 ( even though i didnt want it and not did my dad) i still think that was too much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cherrylee2512 Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I do like balance in these things, so since the majority here are in favor of suggesting that the female in question is only after your money, let me paint an alternate picture, from personal experience: I met my wife ten years ago, we lived together for a year before holding a forgiveness ceremony at the home of her parents, this was to apologize for living together outside of marriage - we were not engaged either, there was no financial aspect to this small ceremony other than to make a donation to the monks. By the second year I'd decided the relationship was going to be long term and since I was flushed at the time I offered to build her parents a house, our self managed 80 sq metre build project cost about 500,000. Why did I do that? Because I wanted to give something back and if the relationship had finished the following week I would still have been OK with it all. And I also funded a shop they built in their garden, I spent 10,000 baht to stock the shop after it was built and they took it from there. Today the family's quality of life is substantially improved over what it was when I first met them and I get a lot of satisfaction from that - they were dirt poor when we first met, seriously impoverished. Around year four we decided to get married and this involved a ceremony at the family home and sin-sod - sin-sod in this case was a cheque for a million baht with the words INVALID written across it, it served it's purpose of show and face at the ceremony. My financial commitment to the family (who are extremely poor) involve me paying their electric bill every month and this is typically under 1,000 baht, I voluntarily give them a further 4,000 baht and this is usually returned to us in some shape or form throughout the year, I don't keep track. My wife works at an upmarket hotel and earns decent money, I pay for all living expenses and she self funds whatever her needs might be - infrequent exceptional items get discussed fully, sometimes they get funded, sometimes they don't. Family crisis occurs about twice a year and their remedy gets discussed and agreed also. Last year my wife paid for our trip to Bali, this year I plan to buy her a new car, I trust my wife more than anyone else on the planet and the commitment has been tested (by circumstance) more ways than I care to think and she has always passed with flying colours. So there we have it, I wonder how many of the posters thus far who advocate running a mile have actually experienced a relationship in Thailand that was financially negative or how much of popular opinion is borrowed from the next bar stool or urban myth. And of those that have endured failed relationships that caused financial loss, does that person admit to knowing the real reasons for it? It's easy to say that I lost all my money to a Thai woman because that's the way they are, money grabbing etc. It's harder to say the relationship failed because, I was promiscuous, lacked commitment to making the relationship work, was only present for ten per cent of the time with the remaining ninety per cent being spent at work and/or overseas with my wife, and so on and so on, the reasons for this are legion. yes this is a true relationship with true love but not how different it is from the person running this thread. in your case you were not rushed things moved as you wished an on engagement no money (which is normal) then 4 years later you got married by invalid cheque this guys been asked for 5 mil and are rushing to et married just so they can have the money is that true love? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PJcm Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 I am a thirty year resident, PM me if you want my advise and insight there are ways to verify everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
watso63 Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 (edited) Hey sdshaman, just having my morning coffee. Have you checked all her communication devices yet? More than 1 asian dating websites, so can log into different ones, but while you're here bleeding out cash she could be lying low. The one I first met with the Aussie husband was very wary of where she would or wouldn't go (in case she got recognised). Put your foot down, take her to some farang bars, restaurants, coffe shops or whatever.....see how many "hello, not seen you for a while" she gets. If you're not a troll....then you are seriously lacking in judgement. All the way to Thailand for what? Get a grip....no honey means no money!! Wish I was in Chiang Mai, I could bring you to where I live. I know quite a few girls here that would give you the life you are looking for, they are real and that's just my village. No virgins at 19 years old though if that's important to you. Edited January 4, 2014 by watso63 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hardened Spanker Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Maybe time to buy your bride-to-be another pre-wedding gift? http://thaispybangkok.com/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrutalTruthBKK Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Maybe time to buy your bride-to-be another pre-wedding gift? http://thaispybangkok.com/ Nice, Thai girls love iphones. But totally illegal according to Thai laws, so you might want to becareful. 19 yr old virgin is not unheard of but a 19 yr old "innocent" posting on some dating site. well, that's hard to belief. And you ( OP) are in your late thirties. That's a big age difference. If she is really that age expect her personalty to change in some ways as the years goes by. Not unheard of to have fake ids, they are easily available in Thailand. A good way to find out what the family really thinks of you is record an audio conversation between them while you are in the room and while you are not. You can do this will a tons of free " spy" apps on your mobile phone. When you're at the salon turn on the recorder and leave to go to 7-11 to get something, leave your phone in the salon. -What are they referring to you as in their native language? -Is your sweetheart referring to you by your name or "it" ( referring to someone of lower status, or stranger).? You will also be able to tell what type of family they are by the way they "really" talk to each other. I would beware of anyone associated with a tuk tuk driver. When I first came here, I was scammed by a tuk tuk driver, who I thought was a good hearted fellow. Most Tuk tuk drivers, especially if he can speak ok English see foreigner as a source of "easy money". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barmatt Posted January 4, 2014 Share Posted January 4, 2014 Hi Mate. You never said how old you are and how old your GF. Dowry is for marriage not heard of it for engagement, possibly a deposit before the you marry, 100k is the norm and a piece of gold. I am married and my wife has 16yr old daughter who I consider my daughter, she loves me very much. She has boy friend 19 we just had his family around to negotiate the dowry I stay out of it but my wife keep coming out to tell and ask me what I think. My daughter is young, virgin and a beauty B/F family love her and want her in family. I told my wife to go for 500k they start at 50k then up it to 100k plus 1bt neck chain, then my wife wants me to come in and sit with her and daughter so I do. My wife translates for me I tell them this is not a pathname market thing they are getting a good educated young lady so I say 350k they up it to 150k I come in with 300k they come back with 200k so I give a good talk and say last price is 250k they go for it so smiles all around my daughter puts arm around me. The B/F mother comes with the necklace for the deposit hand shakes all around and it is done so all good, they are going to Finnish school before the marriage. You will need to talk with your lady mate and make some of the rules, best of luck It was kind of like a deposit I guess, but they never said a final price. Said it was up to me. There was a baht of gold in the form of necklace and ring for her, and she inststed I wear a ring also (and never take it off) She is 19 and I am late 30's. I thought she was older when we were just on internet. Part of the problem is when I try and talk with her I do not get answers, she says she is bored and not want problem every day. I say so answer my question and I won't ask every day. Mostly about spending time together to grow relationship. It is like one of the other posts stated. Own agenda, my thoughts mean nothing. I told her we should just talk so we understand each other better. She says I am me what else is there to understand. Then she say what you want to talk about. like broken tape recorder. Shes 19 and your late 30's mate if you do get hitched I cant see it lasting 12 months because this girl hasnt lived...and you dont need to be an ex-pat to work that one out. Cut your loses before you lose more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dazza101 Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JJbN_xPzuY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slipperylobster Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 The "being bored" part is worrying. And what do you two have in common? Do you have long discussions on topics of mutual interest?. What does she do when she is bored....spend time out with friends? How old are her friends? Will you mix in well with her and her friends, or will you be walking behind in solitude? How many offers of marriage has she been though? It may be that she has a few more prospects trying to buy in. If you get wrapped around the traditions, try getting a fiancee visa and marry elsewheres. I know more tha a few guys that do not run to the ATM to empty their future savings just to satisfy these protocols. Usually, the girl will follow them, end up working in their husband's country, and get a better idea how hard it is to draw out large sums in cash and not put anything back. If these guys paying out for marriage contracts can afford it, and really do get it all back after the wedding, good for them. Some of us are not that sure the money is coming back. Then again, some "go native" all the way, without much reciprication. To me, and I am sure many, our customs should be weighed in as well. Many Thais, according to my live in partner, just live together now adays. Its more common that the tourist guides will admit. My wife's sister eloped with a thai man, and 25 years later, owns 100 rai and six new cars. No sin sot was ever paid..but boy, does the family make out . Do what is affordable and comfortable. If it is hurting you then it is not right. If she is not willing to compromise, it is not right. If she gets bored with your conversations when you address financial concerns, that is just not right either...and will only get worse. This is not a market place. Odds are in your favor that you can replace her with somebody better. (Perhaps not as young) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tartempion Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Someone is being had in this story, the OP maybe??? I spent a full 12 years here now and in money terms 12 million plus baht, thus 1 million a year. 3 million for the house we live in, 3 million on 4 cars, two are fairly new (one for me one for her) The rest in cost of living. No way I would pay 5 million upfront. Simply did it all slowly, slowly, no commitments. Since my major investments are done I downgraded my budget to 500K/year 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
little mary sunshine Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Impossible to do anything but laugh at another sucker. In the fo ur years I have lived in Thailand this situation has been repeated at least 1000 times. You are not and ATM to HER, You are an ATM to the entire FAMILY> It's all about money, wake up and smell the coffee. When they are done with You.......NEXT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Run like HELL if: 1. After 2nd date "I love You" 2, "You so HaSOME". 3, I need PIN for credit card 4. Open your eyes....When You were 23 didn't you want to be with some overweight, balding person with nothing in common ; two or three times your age ?????? MONEY and only Money Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metisdead Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Inflammatory and abusive troll posts have been removed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onlycw Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Well, I never had an engagement ceremony - but this sounds a bit like an actual wedding. How many monks were present? In addition, I never heard of sin sod (a dowry) being payable before the actual wedding. Mmh. OTOH, you agreed to 100,000 B. And you are together now, aren't you? People differ and who am I, a keyboard jocky with time on his hands! But these days, girls usually have had some experience before they go out to post on dating websites. Just saying... A girl may worry about your intentions, too. Are you a "butterfly" guy? When you care for her and be happy together, focus on the good things and don't let 100,000 B spoil everything for you. That's water under the bridge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shrimpythailand Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 wow good story...another falung gets taken... so you are here for 6 weeks then and going back home? I came over here 13 yearts to work for a thai company in my professional trade... hydraulic seals and gaskets.. yes took a big pay hit the first few years but now am paying off a house in a thai persons name... would rather it was in my boss's name but... I paid no dowry and my wife's family is pretty poor out here in Rangsit - but her sisters and brother hold full time jobs...didn't get asked for a dowry as well - altho I did get hit up for the big 300+ person wedding dinner and party which cost 150,000 (and that was bad as I was told 60-80,000 - then 3 months later I learned that some money still had to be paid back to the money lender...like another 70,000 5 5 5 so that was really the only time I got sideswiped) so that was 10 years ago...still have the thai job and the company does well with local biz and export of hydraulic seals and gaskets - but i have worked here the whole time with the same thai family company...so I help them all out as I can - mom, dad, sisters, the wife's daughter has 2 kids - 4 yr old boy and now 3 month daughter and the the kid calls me grandpa and we hang out and do stuff - go to the mall, play some football etc... wouldn't trade it for any money... and I knew a UK guy that never watched his bank book and his wife basically disappeared 2.5 million baht in 3-4 years and left him totally broke...I did the joint account thing for one year only until a couple of shopping trips took 5-8,000 out then I said ok stop... no joint account - but if you get married here - it's only 40 bt at the Ampur office for the thai paper and you really don't need to spend a lot of money if you find the right girl... but that is the hard part.. yes I have had the ups and down with the wife and hindsight well it's 20-20 and maybe should have waited a bit longer and found another but no real regrets - just the communication and culture diffs... but I certainly do not mind helping out the extended family here and there - I only give what I can afford to not get paid back... but welcome to Thailand - hard to get married here if you are not living here tho..anyway - better stop now - too many falung stories with the guys I know here - some bad some not so bad... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thesetat2013 Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Ok! First you should not have paid a dowry for an engagement or given gold to the family. Traditionally the dowry is only paid at the time of the wedding. You were not married unless the family put the string on your heads binding you together and before this the monks should have been involved and placing strings around you. So surely this was not a marriage but simply a promise and intent to marry. If the family is well off then you would receive the dowry back after the wedding. It is mainly used now only as a symbol to show you are able to provide for the family you will make with this woman. However, in the North of Thailand the families still ask for a lot of dowry and will keep all of it. Since you have been formerly introduced as her soon to be husband and have been accepted then it should also be accepted that you both can sleep and sex together. I know some Thai families who have done this formal engagement in Chiang Mai to make it acceptable to have the couple sleeping together prior to a wedding. Especially since they can see you are well off and willing to pay money ignorantly and blindly upon their request. Some replies have stated about losing personal time together as being normal. It is only normal if you accept this and are happy. If the woman truly loves you then she will make time to be alone with you. This time alone will be accepted by the family since you have been formerly engaged. You asked for straight answer.. It seems to me that maybe she cares for you but is taking advantage of your money as well. I recently married a Thai woman and although I paid a healthy dowry I got it all back under my bed on the wedding day. Thai culture says you can buy her engagement ring but Dowry is for marriage ONLY. If you do plan to marry her you should have family show the money and gold you already give. My wife is adding her knowledge of Thai tradition to this reply as well. My wife states the obvious. You don't really know a person until you are with them for a long time. Online chats and skype calls are easily faked. Thais are famous for not showing bad to other people. Saving face, This is their culture. You should look hard about your future with this woman. If she is taking advantage of your ignorance to Thai culture now, imagine how much more she will take advantage if you are her husband. Do yourself a favor and google Thai cultures for marriage. Ignorance might be Bliss but it is still ignorance. Good luck 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreenSnapper Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Get real this is the LOFS = land of false smiles - She's lifting you leg son - Go back to your home country, work hard, support yourself and slowly find someone there to build a relationship with no baggage. A very good suggestion! Because in our home countries, over 50% of marriages get divorced and men have to pay dearly for that, in average 6 figure numbers. Not Baht, but $/£/. Yep, go home, marry a woman of same age, have an almost sexless life, enjoy the daily nagging and pay up after a few years for the pleasure of her company. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oogster8 Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 (edited) hahah she is taking you for a ride! there is so money other girls out there don't bother with this gold-diggggggger.. yes................lol. What makes this gold digger so special. Just wondering-what kind of flourishing business does the family run. A shop selling years old COKE? A prominent business family haggling over 20,000 or 30,000 baht. Sound like shit. I THINK woman is gold digger. no doubt in my mind. and she cum from gold digger family. Thats why all relatives were over joyed to see gold DIGGEE..................lol. As soon as dowry request went from 5,000,000 to 100,000 op should have been on the next out of town. But i think op is a fool and will go through the whole non-sense. Edited January 5, 2014 by oogster8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
martynsnowmans Posted January 5, 2014 Share Posted January 5, 2014 Run Forest Run well it took 81 posts , maybe a record ?? is that the best reply you could manage and a new 1 on me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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