Am I just a farang bank to her?

[minikev]

Why don't you ask her?

"Are we engaged or are we married?"

If you are married whip her off for a weekend.

It's quite possible that you are only engaged and being chaperoned to stop you getting it on till you are married.

Anyway as the parents don't know you that well yet I don't blame them for asking for a dowry. After all they are giving you their daughter who would probably take over the shop when they are older and take care of them. I expect had they seen you taking care of her for a while it would be a different story.

All the people here saying run away have heard stories and seen farangs getting stung as have I.

A wealthy Thai man would have to pay a dowry or at least show he was prepared to take care of her financially and that she in turn can help her parents that is tradition here!

You are a Farang and the first reason a Thai woman wants to be with a farang is for financial security. That understood you may have a beginning of a good relationship just don't say yes to more than you can afford.

Good luck.

[marko kok prong]

at the party the family was joyous and happy ;of course they have won the lottery!

[Neurath]

Most Thai girls are driven by a desire to help and support their parents, this help includes marrying for money. But just because they do marry for money doesn't mean to say the relationship they enter into isn't a strong and loving one that will endure. The cynics will be along shortly to tell us that the issues of love and money shouldn't be mixed, regrettably it is so here in Thailand and it's part of the culture in many families so you may as well accept that.

So really all that leaves is the question of your feelings and how much, as you are finding out the amount is negotiable and you can't really fault them for starting with a high number, what you finish with is another story however. The option of course is to say it's all nonsense, in which case your relationship is likely over and you will have to walk away, the choice is yours. From experience the engagement party is not common and the exchange of rings sounds like a cross between old Thai and modern farang cultures, bless them! It sounds to me like you had an engagement party and not a wedding, you would almost certainly know if it was the latter.

Yes she is driven by the desire to support her parents. At our second talk about dowry it was just me and her mom. She said that she didn't think I was stable enough to take care of her and I walked away... maybe should have kept going. The next day her dad called and wanted to have breakfast like we did every day before. He said they liked me and the dowry was up to me. I see her mom always on facebk with over 3000 friends so I know she is concerned about gossip.

I think the engagement was what it was because I am a good guy and only here for a short time and they do not want to loose me (or my ATM) . I did feel pressured into it, but that is the past now. She wanted me to have a ring since I will soon leave for 7-8 month to travel and work. She always tells me I better not take it off. I think that they are sincere, but this practice is still shady! It was announced as an engagement, with no monk. The string tying thing at her grandparents is what threw me for a loop. I thought that was for marry??

Is all of this discussion (mother, father etc.) occuring in English?

[Bkungbank]

This is more secure as you know their family and not side bar girls keep asking money, I think she really love you but due to family expectation high on farang son in law your need to sacrifice your bank account not all only reasonable amount. To raise a person starting buying milk powder to education this amount of gold just pay back time. The most important is both of you are in loved ask her not to care too much what other says. She gets too much pressure to have a farang husband too. Understanding is very important in relationship.

[slipperylobster]

Get real this is the LOFS = land of false smiles - She's lifting you leg son - Go back to your home country, work hard, support yourself and slowly find someone there to build a relationship with no baggage.

A very good suggestion!

Because in our home countries, over 50% of marriages get divorced and men have to pay dearly for that, in average 6 figure numbers. Not Baht, but $/£/.

Yep, go home, marry a woman of same age, have an almost sexless life, enjoy the daily nagging and pay up after a few years for the pleasure of her company.

The percentage is not going to be better....and add to that the cultural/legal differences. That really puts a bigger strain on it. Many cannot manage, and to be truthful, many homes and cars are in hock or heavily debted. Do not be fooled into an easy carefree life, especially if you work half the year just to visit your family here. Get the fiancee visa, if she comes, fine...work together. You are too young to fall into the trap of building an estate in thailand and paying for it out of your job in farangland. Any girl that will be willing to work alongside you and help out the marriage is what you want, at this stage. Some of guys here enjoy retirement with younger gals...good for them...not knocking it. You just are not there yet.

[2unique]

Can't believe I read all that!

Good news tho. I paid my sinsot at the engagement dinner, exchanged engagement rings and also showed the wedding rings.

The sinsot was then put in her mother's safe to be shown at the actual wedding.

Her mother was prior to the engagement very concerned about neighborhood gossip but then she is one of the neighborhoods biggest gossips!

More good news, youre not being scammed however Bad news is you're being played and you're contributing to it with your tacit acceptance.

Cult leaders traditionally keep their followers inline by withholding love, affection and making them feel unworthy after they've gotten them used to attention love and an all consuming friendship with a charismatic person.

Mix that with guilt trips, fear of loss, fear of missing out, fear of being replaced and the brainwashed member falls into line and does anything to get back the warmth they are missing.

Take a few days off on holiday and go through the staements, emotions and actions objectively as if a good mate was telling you it and you will clearly see this as an extremely entertaining opera but not a real thing in any shape or form.

We both know you won't because the biggest lies we tell are to ourselves.

In blunt conclusion - you're behavibg like an idiot

Sent from Android please excuse errors in type or judgement

[jomcondo]

OP is vulnerable, wants to believe the girl is sincere no matter how many red flags have already risen.

[2unique]

PS everyone telling you she loves you is just giving you hope which is unintentionally cruel as hope is the best gift we can give but false hope the worst.

She doesn't love you and deep down you know it. It's the simple things that tell you this - love, respect and even affection would have her tell her mother one evening a week is our time it's important to him/us.

Sent from Android please excuse errors in type or judgement

[Neurath]

5,000,000/3,000 = 1,666 events

1,666/52 (@ once per week) = 32 years

Throw in the additional 30,000 per month and you're starting to talk about very high prices indeed. In fact, calculated at the 32 years, you'll be facing 10,000 a pop.

Of course, love has no price - just ask your potential mother and father in law and they will confirm this (or at least no upper price)

If I have offended, I apologize - it's my culture that makes me do it.

[inzman]

My wife (Thai) can't stop laughing at what an idiot the OP is. She insists the girl doesn't want anything to do with the guy, that's why she won't spend time with him. The mother makes the girl milk the OP for money. This is all an absurd game, and the OP can't see the Forrest thru the trees. But in all honesty I have seen this many times, sometimes even more blatant. Come on, innocent teen girl meets gullible Falang on the Internet, how much more obvious can it be. Really after this all done , submit the story to stickman, it's a classic .

[ttthailand]

You don't get time with this girl because she does not want it. It smells fishy to me. Your investment so far is not really that much so walking away now is not a problem. After all the crap her and her family has pulled i would not even worry about it a little. I suggest going off for a few weeks and dating a few more girls from the Internet dating game ( same you did with her). See how it goes and learn a little before opening yourself up to another long relationship. Don't tell your current girl anything except that you going away for awhile. You can always come back but I think you know you are being played.

[tartempion]

Love is not about wanting.

I had several relationships with women over a 50 year period, none was for money on either side.

Something is wrong with this sinsod madness in Thailand, it probably has nothing to do with MATERIALISM?

Tell me it's all about FACE then???

[slipperylobster]

Old traditions. There are many fresh, enlightened views. Farangs are ill-equipped to deal with it. They know this, but the guys that fail pay way in advance and never have that money returned.

A few guys will say they hit the jack pot and all the money comes back the day afterwards. The mom just kind of shows it around.

Might happen.. but more often, the opposite is the case.

[LiveInHope]

I am a newbie to posting, but certainly not a newbie to TV or Thailand. So this could either be a troll post or a genuine cry for help.

I try to see the good in all things first so if this is a genuine post my advice to you would be to spend some money with a proven private investigation company and then disappear for a couple of months by informing your betrothed that you have family commitments or whatever. The investigation company will provide the results by even creating fake friendships with your fiancée and her father/mother/neighbours if considered necessary and supply financial profiles etc.

It will cost you, but this is an irrelevant amount compared to what it could cost you in the future.

For example, I have a good friend who had an experience in Isaan last year wherein contact on the Internet lead to his arrival in LOS and he lived with her for 3 months paying all the bills and buying land for ‘face’ merit in the local village, car payments etc., until the truth was ousted.

Her story was she had previously married a guy from Europe when she found she was pregnant and then had the baby. They had a Thai wedding where no expense was spared and he paid one million baht in cash and another 200,000 in gold to estranged parents. None of it was ever returned to the happy couple. He had then died in a car accident whilst back in Europe on a family visit and she had received an SMS message to that affect and nothing more. Not even a death certificate. According to her, he had died before seeing his daughter.

A year after his death she embarked on obtaining a new guy on the Internet. Finally she landed my pal, who moved into a village house with her for 3 months. He was not completely naïve and discovered she was passing him off as the original husband and father of the child. An investigation company were contracted. It then transpired that the husband had never died, but had dumped her not wishing to lose any more money and unsure if the child was his. He had also seen ‘his’ daughter and photographs had showed them together. After being dumped she was writing to as many as a dozen guys at the same time leading them all on. She met several who took her to places like Pattaya for a few nights of love, but all were either only on holiday or not interested. She was obviously dumped again. However he did retain his land and things for her later backfired spectacularly by losing her job and reputation.

My advice to any guys out there is to forget the Internet and come to Thailand to live and spend a couple of years here getting to know the real situation. You can then contact girls on the Internet if you cannot easily meet them in a social environment. Knowledge is power.

Apart from the piss-taking in the comment columns, the same members can also offer some good tips sometimes based upon their own experiences if you are a genuine case.

I married a lady from Bangkok from a completely different family background. We have been married for over 20 years now and I thankfully never experienced these issues, though I do admit to being close to some mistakes with other ladies I met before her.

Edited January 5, 2014 by LiveInHope

[slipperylobster]

You don't get time with this girl because she does not want it. It smells fishy to me. Your investment so far is not really that much so walking away now is not a problem. After all the crap her and her family has pulled i would not even worry about it a little. I suggest going off for a few weeks and dating a few more girls from the Internet dating game ( same you did with her). See how it goes and learn a little before opening yourself up to another long relationship. Don't tell your current girl anything except that you going away for awhile. You can always come back but I think you know you are being played.

And for jimminy cricket's sake man, get a gal that will go out in public with you alone. It is not as bad as you think. The ones that do not want to be seen with you are not really liking you. If you are paying, then you get a few benefits, even if you can't stay the night. This is not the Thailand of yore....the girls go out with the boys...I frankly don't see anyone yet staying home and sewing curtains with their mom, or weaving mats and hats on the front porch. Take a look and see how many cuties are riding their scooters around in their best outfits after 9 pm.

[watso63]

If a troll, then funny 55, but then I think about the poor Australian squaddie in his 40's that threw himself off the balcony of a hotel in Surin to his death, whilst arguing with his bird on the phone.

Don't mope around in the shop/salon/prestigeous business premises all day. Go for a walk around town and see how many stares, smiles you get from other women. You are staying in a hotel alone? Get out at night after the cold shoulder treatment to a bar nightclub...you WILL meet someone else that could very quickly make you forget about your 19 year old gold magnet.....aagh, someone in CM go find him and save his soul!

Sent from my GT-N5100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Edited January 5, 2014 by watso63

[jomcondo]

OP is a genuine poster

it's a classic tale of genuine heart meets devious heart.

and it ends with heartbreak & a transfer of wealth from the western country to thailand.

[TheFishman1]

When to two wedding this last month all the money was given back but then again they did not meet on Internet like what's up with these guys they talk on Internet then give money and say O she different get a grip one born ever second Right good family lol

[DGIE]

you found your gf in the internet?

When I had no computer at home, I used to go to internet cafe. I noticed that almost every woman beside me had a man to skype with. Like what you said, I saw those women sweet! Of course they should be sweet in order to have the ant tempted.

Let me cut my story short here. I learned from some friends that a cunning lady had built a house with the man never met yet.

I also know some who are married but still looking for someone in the internet.

But I tell you, in my area, even if not in ChangMai, you will also be 'loved' for your 'generosity'. Not only Thai, there are some who are looking for 'security'. You help them a lot when you will save them

of apartment rent, foods, etc even without dowry.

Your gf is surely sweet to you while you are very obedient with her wishes. Try to act like already broke or hesitate for her wishes and you will see if she is still sweet.

Edited January 5, 2014 by DGIE

[ttthailand]

When to two wedding this last month all the money was given back but then again they did not meet on Internet like what's up with these guys they talk on Internet then give money and say O she different get a grip one born ever second Right good family lol

I have met many lovely girls on the Internet. I have also met girls in bars, nightclubs, markets, malls etc etc ... In Thailand you can meet girls everywhere. For me it is easy as I smile a lot and still look ok and speak a little Thai. The OP may not speak Thai or is interested in a girl that has been around the block with many farangs. It is unbelievably easy to met girls online and the op already knows how to do. I think try again but this time go to have fun and see where it goes. Don't get serious unless she checks most of the boxes on your list of requirements. I have friends who have meet nice educated Thai girls online and have had wonderful relationships. I think 100 times better than picking up some used up money hungry bar fly .

[Colabamumbai]

Cut your losses and get out now.

80K plus a few zoo tickets is small money compared with what you will lose in the future if you continue along with this relationship.

There are plenty of less mercenary women about - why get involved with one that sees you as a meal ticket for her and her family.

As for getting no time alone - Hogwash.

She's very likely made a promise to a Thai boyfriend (that was introduced as a relative) that she will not do the naughty with this Farang.

I tend to agree. Cut your losses. A Thai woman telling she loves you is like saying hello.

[Colabamumbai]

Get real this is the LOFS = land of false smiles - She's lifting you leg son - Go back to your home country, work hard, support yourself and slowly find someone there to build a relationship with no baggage.

A very good suggestion!

Because in our home countries, over 50% of marriages get divorced and men have to pay dearly for that, in average 6 figure numbers. Not Baht, but $/£/.

Yep, go home, marry a woman of same age, have an almost sexless life, enjoy the daily nagging and pay up after a few years for the pleasure of her company.

And In Thailand I think the figure is closer to 80% of Thai/Foreign marriages breaking up or divorcing.

My wife of one month sold the wedding ring, after I paid her back payments on the house. Needless to say I was out of there.

[Colabamumbai]

Thai women do not receive engagement rings from Thai men, why should you be different, maybe wedding rings.

[Colabamumbai]

I met a girl from Chaing Mai, she wanted 5 million Baht to marry, she has a son 12. Two months later she married a Thai man. I asked her if he paid the 5 million Baht. She replied with "money is not important".

[ttthailand]

Follow rule number one which states: never give any money that you are not willing to loose.

And .... Nice girls don't ask for money so quickly.

[seajae]

well I dont know where this will end but you all have to agree, with this many pages so quick the op might be trying out for post of the year and to just get in early, if he comes back with his "daddy" talk results this could go ballistic............

[2unique]

Thai women do not receive engagement rings from Thai men, why should you be different, maybe wedding rings.

I know 3 just in my personal circle of friends.

One got 5 carats, father owns a newspaper. Another 2 carats middle to upper class family.

I also paid sinsot at my engagement dinner which was family only and at the wedding it was shown plus her mother added cash and jewelry to the pile. The sinsot money (including the mother's amount) was put aside in an account in my wife's name against a rainy day.

Sent from Android please excuse errors in type or judgement

[David48]

.

15 Pages of responses in a few days ... why can't I dream up an OP like this ...

Nothing ever exciting like this ever happens to me!

.

[GreenSnapper]

Get real this is the LOFS = land of false smiles - She's lifting you leg son - Go back to your home country, work hard, support yourself and slowly find someone there to build a relationship with no baggage.

A very good suggestion!

Because in our home countries, over 50% of marriages get divorced and men have to pay dearly for that, in average 6 figure numbers. Not Baht, but $/£/.

Yep, go home, marry a woman of same age, have an almost sexless life, enjoy the daily nagging and pay up after a few years for the pleasure of her company.

And In Thailand I think the figure is closer to 80% of Thai/Foreign marriages breaking up or divorcing.

My wife of one month sold the wedding ring, after I paid her back payments on the house. Needless to say I was out of there.

You made a bad choice obviously. But I don't believe it is common for 80% of the Farangs here.

What you pay for a failed marriage is up to the farang, how much he invests in the woman and how much he risks losing.

While in the West, they will break your bones by the female-friendly "justice" system, and will even prosecute you internationally. It makes a big difference.

Marrying in the West is pure idiocy. Marrying in Thailand is not always clever too, but at least you have some control over the process.

[Jayroo]

OP is a troll until he starts to reply to all the good advice he gets here.

I would pay 100k maximum and then no more money , its very simple, you must be in control of your marriage, not the family .

Why the ef would you pay 100K, for what?