I’m meeting the gf’s parents on Sunday. They are worried that I don’t have a job

[sirchai]

I have met a lovely Thai girl aged in late 20’s and I’m aged early 40’s- have been together 2 to 3 months and we love each other. She wants me to meet her parents this weekend and I know that this is a big deal in Thailand.

Oh my holy Buddha! " Have been together for 2-3 months? You obviously don't even know how long you're getting laid.

I just found out that she has been sharing some of our email correspondence and other discussions with her Thai cousin in Europe who is married over there to a farang

Wondering what else you'll find out, or what you DON'T find out.

We had a brief discussion about sinsot (if we were to marry) and hers would be 1million but her parents would refund that to me. I don't want to pay this at all but will go with the flow

Why would you like to buy a cow, when you only want a glass of milk? I'm joking, but you should seriously check her out to be sure that she's telling the truth.

If you pay "sinsod",, but woman isn't sod, than you should think about it.

When we had a minor argument a few weeks ago, I got the impression that the cousin did not approve of me and was making judgements on me- by some of the things the cousin was saying. No doubt she has been on the phone to my gf’s parents.

Wondering what your minor arguments look like. But she's so cute......

She told me that we will not be having a meal but they only want to meet me to talk. I intend to take some fruit or something small on the day as a gesture.

Having a meal together, which is usually paid by the person with the most income/ money seems to be the right way to "get to know each other."

I'd say going to a good restaurant with the right atmosphere would be appropriate. School directors/ head,headmasters usually drink Thai Brandy and buying a big bottle doesn't make you poor. Get her drunk as well, as drunk people do say the truth..

​Unfortunately, be honest to them and yourself. Don't be nervous to meet them ,they'll sit in the same boat. Talk to them and try to find answers to all the questions you might have.

Once they've seen that you're not an idiot, they might like you. Or not. I just don't get the one million baht sinsod, as you haven't been together long enough to get married, honestly speaking.

Be aware that other mothers also have good looking daughters and don't rely on what people tell you. Listen to your own common sense. As love is just an emotion, you might find out that new brooms usually do a good job. How would a marriage change your relationship?

There's no reason to get married now. When you've got the chat, just tell them that you'd love her very much, but you'd need some more time to think about all.

Who knows, there might be the old guy still a sort of "active", but maybe not accepted by her daddy?

Please ask yourself why, where and how she fell in love with you. Thai women in general do say things they don't really mean.

Try something before you get married that you "ran out of cash" and see if she supports you.

Wish you good luck from lower northeast.-

[CapeCobra]

Interesting.

I wonder on what basis the OP is staying in Thailand? There are very few legitimate means for someone in their 40's who is unmarried and not working to remain in country long term.

If I was this educated ladies Dad I would ask some very searching questions !

I am the same, been here since my mid thirties full time (part time for a decade before that) and now early 40s. There are lots of ways to earn money without doing a 9-5. Investments, inheritance, trusts, overseas company ownership, property rental overseas, and so on. This frees one up to undertake other pursuits and takes out the "fun" of work permits, teaching English or running a bar here!

To the OP - if it is easier just say you are a company director or work in investments (depending on your income stream), and you have a job

He is probably asking for the 1m (returned) sin sot as a way of checking that you can raise it and are not just going to hang off his daughter's tails. A lot of posters here have little experience with women of the lower classes/echelons (not only BGs, but maids, waitresses, shop workers etc) as that is where it is easiest to meet Thai women as a foreigner (or certainly was before internet dating took off here). I have been married for 17 years to a Thai from the upper-middle classes (military family - father, now retired, was a Naval officer) - there is only 6.5 years between my wife and I, she was just 19 when we met. We had 2 years of courting before we were married and I gave a fair size sin sot which was returned afterwards (I spent a fair bit of it then on presents for the new family - my choice, no hints - like new car, fridge, moped, etc). Her father wanted to know about my job and how much I earned etc (I would not tell him how much I earned), my position in my job, my car (I guess as a way of guessing my income) and so on. Done in a friendly way, but it was obvious he was checking I was good enough for his daughter. I was her first boy friend, although two suitors had been turned away before me. She is 1/4 Chinese, so Sino-Thai (father's side - he is half with his mother (RIP) being Chinese) and the suitors were all likewise Sino-Thai (from the private school/college she had attended). Like I said, we are still together 17 years later (with 2 teenaged kids) and never had to pay for any sick buffalos in all that time!

I do agree about friends and family though, a lot of shi!t comes from them and can cause issues - I have had people reporting back that I spent the night with hookers when I stayed out at a visiting friend's family bar after hours playing pool (bar was shut - just him, me and his wife and her family) - my wife was away at the time. Easy enough to disprove, my friend's wife is an old friend of my wife - and was there - but p!ssed me right off. Had other similar crap, but my Mrs has learned to ignore them and trust me - it is a hard sell though in Thailand, especially when it comes from the mouth's of family.

Si tacuisses philosophus mansisses. I hope that my son doesn't read your nonsense. Your list of ways to make money is missing an important one, WORKING. If it is true that investments, trusts, ownerships etc. created your income stream in your mid-twenties, that leaves 2 explanations: inheritance or crime. My bet is on the former, unless a psychiatrist knows better.

Thanks for sharing the details of your admirable marriage and family. Well done.

Sent from my HTC One max using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[marioc]

No offense. But, are you sure she is done with the boyfriend?

+1

[easybullet3]

Your not going for a job interview, so you dont need credentials or certificates, she loves you, you have nothing to prove.

I agree completely!

also: to actually say about 1million baht for dowry and then it gets refunded seems completely pointless!!! if the parents have good jobs, then they shouldnt be needing money from a guy just to give it back to him.

this is quite an old fashioned idea. the very fact that one gives money to a girls parents means that the parents are acknowledging that their daughter is a commodity for sale !!! which in itself is lowering the tone of what they really stand for.

being a head teacher of a school, the father should be more educated!

of course you dont want to upset your gf... but really, I hope you can somehow tell her the ridiculousness of it all.

about meeting them, just be yourself,,, of course,, but dont be rude and dont use bad language. - just be the fun nice self that your gf also likes. and I am sure they will like you too

you said that you worked for 12 years as a consultant. well, thats sounds pretty good. and I am sure you can spend some time to tell them about it

and its nothing wrong to say that you not working now.

if they ask you what you plan for future, then just say what you wanna say.

try not to lie and give false claims, coz they will just be expecting it from you and false hopes.

thai people are generally very welcoming and nice.

be nice, be smiling,, if you know how to "beam" through your eyes, then do it hahhaha!

i'm just saying to be a good person... coz they will feel it.

if the dad needs to talk business-style with you, then you can impress him with what you have done.

it will also impress him if you give him good reasons why you not working now... maybe you can say that you find other things in life important... health, peace, life-study.

if you can show him you are educated, then he will know you are capable.

mostly, he wanna know that his daughter is with a good man.

if he old-style he will wanna know you can support her.

but thats his life and his problem.

its nothing to do with you.

just satisfy the parents that you are good !!!! that is the most important thing.

also:

the settiing under which you meet them could help you have a better time.

if its at their home for dinner,,, or restaurant, walk around the park? i have no idea which setting is best for breaking down the barriers.

[nullx8]

As for meeting the parents, be yourself! The same advice applies to that above; if the GF takes the advice from the parents over what her heart says, then there is something wrong with the relationship before you start.

that is not entirely true !

the more cultural bonded thais do think this way.

i am married to a thai serval years already.

on the day i meet her father the first time, she was quite abit worried, and my question about the resons where answered with "may not aproove" .. a few days later i followed up on this .. and she made it clear if the father say NO that mean the end of the relationship as well.

well he didn't ...

as for the million, i think that is quite overdozed.

i paid 250k (and they burned almost all of the money while the ceremony (was part of the deal))

for well educated, europe experience, fluent German English Language skills, good job.

and most important "COMMON SENSE" (!!!) .. you really, really, really need to check on that ...

as the not existence will give you a serious nightmare later on !

education is somethings can be fixed, but common sense is very hard to come-by.

[kennypowers]

I agree with others, you should take it slow at 2-3 months. Would you jump in like this back home? Chill, enjoy the dating, enjoy the honeymoon period, as they say.

As for the 1m Baht sin sod, from what you've said about her education and her family's status, this is not unreasonable. Most foreigners haven't a clue about sin sod, the history behind it and it's importance; they think it's a smash n grab designed for "stupid farang". Also, most foreigners marry girls who already have kids, are uneducated and of lower class, not that that's a bad thing - social class should not define a person (sadly, it means a whole lot more than it should here - anyway, that's for another convo) but sin sod is very different at each spectrum of the social scale. To give you a comparison, my best Thai friend (a female) is to marry soon. She has a successful business and is from a middle-class family; her family have agreed 1m Baht with her boyfriend's family. It will be shown and given back.

[besth]

No offense. But, are you sure she is done with the boyfriend?

+1

As I said in an earlier message, I don't think you have much to worry about, from what you have said, if that is all accurate, but this is a good point.

She wouldn't happen to have a kid from that only Thai ex-boyfriend she has

ever had, would she?

[Sayonarax]

Run far away, you've been dating 3months. talking about marriage already? 1 million baht

Your not the guy for her. Sorry but her fathers right, to be grilling you about her future.

Your 40 and on pension?

[happysoul]

Offer 1 or 2 bht gold one day before the meeting (party) and she'll proudly show it to her father. On D day, once the double black label will be dry, you'll be dad's pal.

Good luck and enjoy, this life is only lived once.

[RecklessRon]

Take her father a bottle of decent malt-whisky, to show respect & demonstrate that you're suitably respectful/generous/financially-solid, and ask your GF's opinion about what to give her mother.

Well he might be a serious man who doesn't drink!

So check that first....

If he does you know the bottle of JW Blue might just be splashed into water, soda and ice.

aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggg

Please tell me you're joking.

JW Blue NEVER goes into a glass with water OR soda OR ice or anything else for that matter!

[Straight8]

OP wrote:

We had a brief discussion about sinsot (if we were to marry) and hers would be 1million but her parents would refund that to me. I don't want to pay this at all but will go with the flow. He is a headmaster of a big school and she is a teacher. I’ve been told that her mother is a jovial and affable person who likes to have a laugh but her father is really serious guy

This would be the deal breaker for me and a postponement of meeting the folks... 1 million baht.. tell 'em their dreaming!!

So OP, here is the ultimate test.

What would happen if you:

1. Tell her your customs don't believe in what Thai's call Sin Sot, so your want no part of it, or

2. She can stump up the 1 million baht, beg, steal, borrow, converge on a meeting with the family to all come up with it so they can show it on the wedding day, then when it is over, they can do with it as they like.

Now do you think she will still love you? Will she stay with you through thick and thin, and let your love for each other conquer all?

You can always put her to the test and find out exactly what side your bread is buttered on.

[zeichen]

4 pages of responses mostly about Sinsod, this makes me laugh. As the OP did state that it was for show only. That is more than common. It is clear that no one here has ever been to a Thai wedding. If you actually go to more Thai-Thai weddings especially with people from well known families, you will see this is more than common. Stop judging Thai culture on your western fundamentals. It is silly and the system isn't about woman as a commodity. It is more about showing that you are serious, committed and can offer her a future.

It does seem strange to just drop in and meet the parents without having dinner. Tell your girlfriend that you would love to have dinner with them some day. Also ask her if her father drinks and what is mother's favorite food/snack. Don't just bring some random fruit or something small. This is the time to impress them. Also use as much Thai and Thai customs that you know.

Trust me, if her parents don't like you the relationship will end quickly. It is not about money it is about her being with a proper person.

As for the job, I think that if you just show that you are working on something like a project or something. It is not about Money. It is about dilligence. I had good jobs over seas teaching but when we got married I was only working part time making about 12k baht a month. It was between hiring seasons and I wanted to spend my time doing other things. Her family did not care at all how much money I made. My wife at that time wasn't making much more than I and her parents were very content that I was educated and academic. I was also to discuss many different subjects and knew/understood Thai customs.

PS if you go out with them make sure that you don';t have a wandering eye. That you follow all Thai customs with regards to eating. Eat exactly as they do. Don't fill your plate. If she is close with her family like it seems, you will definitely need to love them and have them love you too. She will not continue with you if they don't like you.

Don't bring credentials, just be yourself and talk about your aspirations. I think the fight with the girl friend was about you doing nothing all day while she works her ass off. It is not about money it is about committment. I can understand that you are new to Thailand and are just figuring things out, but if you really aren't going to do anything in Thailand that is productive, then forget this girl and move on. She deserves more. I will tell you that it is customary at the wedding to state where you work and what jobs you have. It would be kind of embarrassing for her to have them say that you don't do anything.

Good luck.

As a dad, don't come across as a deadbeat. It is not about wealth but about character. Self respecting people don't sit on their assss all day at 41. These are the most productive years of your life. Even volunteering or developing a business plan is something.

[wolf5370]

Interesting.

I wonder on what basis the OP is staying in Thailand? There are very few legitimate means for someone in their 40's who is unmarried and not working to remain in country long term.

If I was this educated ladies Dad I would ask some very searching questions !

I am the same, been here since my mid thirties full time (part time for a decade before that) and now early 40s. There are lots of ways to earn money without doing a 9-5. Investments, inheritance, trusts, overseas company ownership, property rental overseas, and so on. This frees one up to undertake other pursuits and takes out the "fun" of work permits, teaching English or running a bar here!

To the OP - if it is easier just say you are a company director or work in investments (depending on your income stream), and you have a job

He is probably asking for the 1m (returned) sin sot as a way of checking that you can raise it and are not just going to hang off his daughter's tails. A lot of posters here have little experience with women of the lower classes/echelons (not only BGs, but maids, waitresses, shop workers etc) as that is where it is easiest to meet Thai women as a foreigner (or certainly was before internet dating took off here). I have been married for 17 years to a Thai from the upper-middle classes (military family - father, now retired, was a Naval officer) - there is only 6.5 years between my wife and I, she was just 19 when we met. We had 2 years of courting before we were married and I gave a fair size sin sot which was returned afterwards (I spent a fair bit of it then on presents for the new family - my choice, no hints - like new car, fridge, moped, etc). Her father wanted to know about my job and how much I earned etc (I would not tell him how much I earned), my position in my job, my car (I guess as a way of guessing my income) and so on. Done in a friendly way, but it was obvious he was checking I was good enough for his daughter. I was her first boy friend, although two suitors had been turned away before me. She is 1/4 Chinese, so Sino-Thai (father's side - he is half with his mother (RIP) being Chinese) and the suitors were all likewise Sino-Thai (from the private school/college she had attended). Like I said, we are still together 17 years later (with 2 teenaged kids) and never had to pay for any sick buffalos in all that time!

I do agree about friends and family though, a lot of shi!t comes from them and can cause issues - I have had people reporting back that I spent the night with hookers when I stayed out at a visiting friend's family bar after hours playing pool (bar was shut - just him, me and his wife and her family) - my wife was away at the time. Easy enough to disprove, my friend's wife is an old friend of my wife - and was there - but p!ssed me right off. Had other similar crap, but my Mrs has learned to ignore them and trust me - it is a hard sell though in Thailand, especially when it comes from the mouth's of family.

Si tacuisses philosophus mansisses. I hope that my son doesn't read your nonsense. Your list of ways to make money is missing an important one, WORKING. If it is true that investments, trusts, ownerships etc. created your income stream in your mid-twenties, that leaves 2 explanations: inheritance or crime. My bet is on the former, unless a psychiatrist knows better.

Thanks for sharing the details of your admirable marriage and family. Well done.

Sent from my HTC One max using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Wow, hope you son is not as dumb as you appear to be! He was talking about income without working - you know as in the Op - hence my example of such ways - wouldn't make much sense putting "Working" into such a list now, would it!

I was earning, via work if you like, into my late 30s. I do not need to tell you details, but if crime is the only way you know of earning money (like there are no wealthy under 40s!) then that shows a lot more about you than perhaps you wanted to share!

I only talked about my family as it is on a par with the Op, and thus relevant. However, as you have shown your inability to keep the Op in your mind as you follow a thread, then there is probably little point in me explaining this.

Next goldfish please!

[aussieinthailand]

1 million baht alt=cheesy.gif pagespeed_url_hash=3951237149 width=32 height=20> Commom that is way too much Even weathly dont expect that. 400,000 or 500,00o tops And to tell you the truth

You are falang and really should pay nothing for sin sod. But keep the faith. They see farang as rich in comparison to Thai and will take advantage of it regardless of the Education

I am with a Thai lady now for 6 years and she has a university degree No sin sod and I was married to a Thai lady for 12 years now divorced and no sin sod

You are giving her a great opportunity to marry you and her parents know this. They know you will make a good husband for their daughter.

I know she wants a million but cut it in half Not realistic my friend and I have lived here for 14 years and speak Thai and know what they woman do here

Be realistic and think with your head

(between your shoulders)

1 million baht !

Should be no problem for an independently wealthy, retired ,40+ year old "consultant" !

I can understand the cousin's concern and the father's worries. I'd like to ask the man with a Dr. in front about his son's career.

It took you about 12 years to get a degree. It took another 5 years learning on the job. Then you could start consulting. You had luck. Consultants are like eunuchs, they know exactly how to do it, but can't. Given an unexpected short-term success, you could have started the real thing, but retired? Went to LOS, joined TLL, met the jackpot, can't understand your luck, rightfully get worried if the inlaws could read you out, and wonder why you show no ambition to achieve something, making the Dr. proud.

What kind of high caliber consultant would post such a trolly problem to such a questionable audience.

Ye'p that well may be your thought's and those of many, but hey that by no means is it for everyone,

I guess it all depends on a few things, such as, how you measure, success, contentment, happiness, quality of life, goals, etc.

If the OP is ok then let the cards fall as they may, at least he has TV to ask for advice.

[laobali]

If I were the girl's father, I would want to know how the OP gets his money. With all the scammers that show up here, it's a legitimate concern. Someone who doesn't work and has plenty of money is suspicious to say the least.

Agreed...

I don't see why the OP can't open up a little bit, in broad terms, about what his past employment history was, which may go a long way to painting a picture of why he doesn't need to work now. He doesn't have to give details, but being totally closed mouth without any clue or hint of where his money is coming from will only lead to suspicion and speculation. It certainly will not lead to good thoughts.

"I worked in the oil industry, made good money and invested it wisely"...something like that. I just don't see what harm opening up this little bit would do.

Should he do it just to satisfy your curiosity or, more likely, envy?

[Straight8]

In general, most girls that come from money and/or can take care of themselves want a guy that makes it too. This is not a uniquely Thai thing.

Rubbish..........

He did say "In general" and he is spot on.

You seem like someone who knows it all, but I disagree!!!!

[oogster8]

You have been invited to meet with the prospective in-laws.

Make no mistake this is a very big deal for your girl friend and should not be underestimated.

Without the parents blessing there will not be a happy future with this lady.

Do not be too concerned by your lady asking her friend/s for emotional help because at the level of Thai society your girl is from there may well be concerns, there is in some respects a feeling that is definitely against mixed marriage to a Falang, especially one with no discernible means of support without a job.

If I was your girls Father, I too would want a long interview with you.

As far as the dowry is concerned, the amount could be described in the families circumstances as low and as long as your lady hasn't been married to anyone before and not had any children not unusually high.

The fact that the parents would give this back after the wedding is a very good sign that the Sinsot is just for show and nothing more.

Initially meeting the Mum and Dad for the first time can be stressful for both parties but if you keep your calm and your dignity, show that you really do love their daughter and you have the means, brains and self respect enough to support her then you will be OK.

It may be sensible to explain to them that you do not intend to become a professional loafer all your life and maybe you have plans to build an hospital or a school or maybe even get a job as a school janitor but you will resume work at some foreseeable point in the near future

My suggestion is that if the girl in this age is emotionally so close to the family....don't marry her. There are millions of girls who live very modern and marry whoever they want like in the west.

all from issan-?

[FritsSikkink]

Why don't you have the intention to tell where the money is coming from but still want to marry her?

[oogster8]

Why don't you have the intention to tell where the money is coming from but still want to marry her?

He thinks the family may want to SHARE his money. and i think he is right. it aint all about LOVE when it cums to inter-racial marriages between thais and afabangs.

nt

Many thais see a farang in law as equivalent of what Americans call social security................lol.

Edited January 17, 2014 by oogster8

[marstons]

I have met well over a dozen parents as i use date sites so get dragged along often. I laways go and be my self, some time get cold shoulder some times all happy, as to what to take i just take my self, no gifts etc. You take a guy a who does not drink whiskey or alcohol he is not going to be impressed. Not all Thai men are raving alcoholics.

Thai degrees are 10 a penny and i would not be paying 1 million baht out to anybody. steep to say the least, who's calling the shots you or them.

[marstons]

4 pages of responses mostly about Sinsod, this makes me laugh. As the OP did state that it was for show only. That is more than common. It is clear that no one here has ever been to a Thai wedding. If you actually go to more Thai-Thai weddings especially with people from well known families, you will see this is more than common. Stop judging Thai culture on your western fundamentals. It is silly and the system isn't about woman as a commodity. It is more about showing that you are serious, committed and can offer her a future.

It does seem strange to just drop in and meet the parents without having dinner. Tell your girlfriend that you would love to have dinner with them some day. Also ask her if her father drinks and what is mother's favorite food/snack. Don't just bring some random fruit or something small. This is the time to impress them. Also use as much Thai and Thai customs that you know.

Trust me, if her parents don't like you the relationship will end quickly. It is not about money it is about her being with a proper person.

As for the job, I think that if you just show that you are working on something like a project or something. It is not about Money. It is about dilligence. I had good jobs over seas teaching but when we got married I was only working part time making about 12k baht a month. It was between hiring seasons and I wanted to spend my time doing other things. Her family did not care at all how much money I made. My wife at that time wasn't making much more than I and her parents were very content that I was educated and academic. I was also to discuss many different subjects and knew/understood Thai customs.

PS if you go out with them make sure that you don';t have a wandering eye. That you follow all Thai customs with regards to eating. Eat exactly as they do. Don't fill your plate. If she is close with her family like it seems, you will definitely need to love them and have them love you too. She will not continue with you if they don't like you.

Don't bring credentials, just be yourself and talk about your aspirations. I think the fight with the girl friend was about you doing nothing all day while she works her ass off. It is not about money it is about committment. I can understand that you are new to Thailand and are just figuring things out, but if you really aren't going to do anything in Thailand that is productive, then forget this girl and move on. She deserves more. I will tell you that it is customary at the wedding to state where you work and what jobs you have. It would be kind of embarrassing for her to have them say that you don't do anything.

Good luck.

As a dad, don't come across as a deadbeat. It is not about wealth but about character. Self respecting people don't sit on their assss all day at 41. These are the most productive years of your life. Even volunteering or developing a business plan is something.

wrong been to many Thai weddings, so its not clear, its clear times are changing and the million is just to show off to the locals how well they sold their daughter. Don't assume you are the only one who knows anything about the fast dissapearing Thai

culture.

[CapeCobra]

Interesting.

I wonder on what basis the OP is staying in Thailand? There are very few legitimate means for someone in their 40's who is unmarried and not working to remain in country long term.

If I was this educated ladies Dad I would ask some very searching questions !

I am the same, been here since my mid thirties full time (part time for a decade before that) and now early 40s. There are lots of ways to earn money without doing a 9-5. Investments, inheritance, trusts, overseas company ownership, property rental overseas, and so on. This frees one up to undertake other pursuits and takes out the "fun" of work permits, teaching English or running a bar here!

To the OP - if it is easier just say you are a company director or work in investments (depending on your income stream), and you have a job

He is probably asking for the 1m (returned) sin sot as a way of checking that you can raise it and are not just going to hang off his daughter's tails. A lot of posters here have little experience with women of the lower classes/echelons (not only BGs, but maids, waitresses, shop workers etc) as that is where it is easiest to meet Thai women as a foreigner (or certainly was before internet dating took off here). I have been married for 17 years to a Thai from the upper-middle classes (military family - father, now retired, was a Naval officer) - there is only 6.5 years between my wife and I, she was just 19 when we met. We had 2 years of courting before we were married and I gave a fair size sin sot which was returned afterwards (I spent a fair bit of it then on presents for the new family - my choice, no hints - like new car, fridge, moped, etc). Her father wanted to know about my job and how much I earned etc (I would not tell him how much I earned), my position in my job, my car (I guess as a way of guessing my income) and so on. Done in a friendly way, but it was obvious he was checking I was good enough for his daughter. I was her first boy friend, although two suitors had been turned away before me. She is 1/4 Chinese, so Sino-Thai (father's side - he is half with his mother (RIP) being Chinese) and the suitors were all likewise Sino-Thai (from the private school/college she had attended). Like I said, we are still together 17 years later (with 2 teenaged kids) and never had to pay for any sick buffalos in all that time!

I do agree about friends and family though, a lot of shi!t comes from them and can cause issues - I have had people reporting back that I spent the night with hookers when I stayed out at a visiting friend's family bar after hours playing pool (bar was shut - just him, me and his wife and her family) - my wife was away at the time. Easy enough to disprove, my friend's wife is an old friend of my wife - and was there - but p!ssed me right off. Had other similar crap, but my Mrs has learned to ignore them and trust me - it is a hard sell though in Thailand, especially when it comes from the mouth's of family.

Si tacuisses philosophus mansisses. I hope that my son doesn't read your nonsense. Your list of ways to make money is missing an important one, WORKING. If it is true that investments, trusts, ownerships etc. created your income stream in your mid-twenties, that leaves 2 explanations: inheritance or crime. My bet is on the former, unless a psychiatrist knows better.

Thanks for sharing the details of your admirable marriage and family. Well done.

Sent from my HTC One max using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Wow, hope you son is not as dumb as you appear to be! He was talking about income without working - you know as in the Op - hence my example of such ways - wouldn't make much sense putting "Working" into such a list now, would it!

I was earning, via work if you like, into my late 30s. I do not need to tell you details, but if crime is the only way you know of earning money (like there are no wealthy under 40s!) then that shows a lot more about you than perhaps you wanted to share!

I only talked about my family as it is on a par with the Op, and thus relevant. However, as you have shown your inability to keep the Op in your mind as you follow a thread, then there is probably little point in me explaining this.

Next goldfish please!

Lovely. I am sorry to have hurt your feelings. Can't say that I understand your response. Different planet and all. As you suggested, let's call it dumbness on my side. Over and out.

Sent from my HTC One max using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[mrfaroukh]

Well no matter who you want to marry if you show sign of weakness they not only take advantages now, but also later. I mean not only Thai people, I mean anyone from any country. I understand her family for trying to take care of their daughter and make sure everything would be fine for her, I would do the same.

When you visit them dress up properly to show a sign of respect. Ask the girl what would be nice to take for her parents, may be he would not like a bottle of malt whisky as other advised you here. We don't know what their traditions are, may be in such situation it would not be appropriate to take any drinks with you. I understand that they are worried because you don't have a job. If you are getting some money coming every month and that would be enough for both of you and you children, why don't you just take a letter from bank or whatever to show them and then they would be relaxed.

As of giving one million now and get it back again, I don't think this would be advisable unless it is okay for you to loose that money. You never know if you see that money again. If they just want to tell everyone in a family that her dowry was so much, then tell them it is fine with you and just tell everyone without having me paying it. I am sure no one ask them to show the bank book.

Carry some money with you when you go to visit them. You never know may be they have a party for you and invite many people, but it is you who has to pay for everything. So carry 20 k with you to be on the safe side.

Good luck

[desmondspencer]

imo that's way too fast. give it some time, whirlwind romance you might say but the fact

she was sharing emails with her thai cousin would surely acivate my alram bells

you have to agree some sort of coaching might be involved here

i bet meeting the parents was never your idea.

regardless, you don't need anyone's approval if the both of you are really in love

back off a little & see what conspires, take a breather, no one can fault that

good luck

[JesseFrank]

Anyone been through the topic history of the OP yet ?

If so you will know who you're talking to.

Who? Pray tell...

interesting 70-odd, 4 pages of replies but no comeback from the OP....

You just answered your question yourself.

Let me give you a hint, it starts with a T and lives under a bridge.

[transam]

Anyone been through the topic history of the OP yet ?

If so you will know who you're talking to.

Who? Pray tell...

interesting 70-odd, 4 pages of replies but no comeback from the OP....

You just answered your question yourself.

Let me give you a hint, it starts with a T and lives under a bridge.

He might be hanging under a bridge after our advice....... ..........

[donniereadit]

2 to 3 months sounds like a holiday romance to me. i hope you have lived here awhile and are not just visiting.

1 mil sinsot sounds crazy. even paying that in the usa for a fancy wedding and everything would be pushing it for most. it's mostly symbolic these days, so it's weird that an amount was discussed, unless on a casual note.

i need to know someone years before marriage is discussed, even bringing up such serious questions so soon would red flag me, but i'm really careful. it's a sacred act.

i have done the family meeting and it's definately better to do it on a casual note. it's hard enough to deal with the language barrier and cultural differences, i would just bring gifts, have a drink or buy the family dinner and keep things light. maybe limit the stay to several days also, and not linger around for weeks etc.

the thai family will be watching your every move, and can sense emotional responses well. during the family meeting/visit it's also much better if she has known you a long time and knows how you respond under stress. so she can read you as you go along and temper the situation and keep things from getting out of control. otherwise it's likely someone will show irritation or some other problem.

Edited January 17, 2014 by donniereadit

[sandhurstmolonski]

I really do hope you " Jest " with this Question ..2-3 Months ? Love ?? ..Dont Worry ..

Mai Palai ..meet them and let it be known you are a Hopeless Looser ..NEVER , let any family member know what you Do ..or do not have .

If she did run , under this scenario ..Just let it go , and continue on ..Please , dont waste you time using the word " Love " ..Its never , ever " Love " ..nor is it in the West for that matter . Its always simply an " agrreement " ..Dont get excited ..Nor hold any concern for the family .

In this situation ( a common one ) ..Think about yourself .

[Straight8]

4 pages of responses mostly about Sinsod, this makes me laugh. As the OP did state that it was for show only. That is more than common. It is clear that no one here has ever been to a Thai wedding. If you actually go to more Thai-Thai weddings especially with people from well known families, you will see this is more than common. Stop judging Thai culture on your western fundamentals. It is silly and the system isn't about woman as a commodity. It is more about showing that you are serious, committed and can offer her a future.

It does seem strange to just drop in and meet the parents without having dinner. Tell your girlfriend that you would love to have dinner with them some day. Also ask her if her father drinks and what is mother's favorite food/snack. Don't just bring some random fruit or something small. This is the time to impress them. Also use as much Thai and Thai customs that you know.

Trust me, if her parents don't like you the relationship will end quickly. It is not about money it is about her being with a proper person.

As for the job, I think that if you just show that you are working on something like a project or something. It is not about Money. It is about dilligence. I had good jobs over seas teaching but when we got married I was only working part time making about 12k baht a month. It was between hiring seasons and I wanted to spend my time doing other things. Her family did not care at all how much money I made. My wife at that time wasn't making much more than I and her parents were very content that I was educated and academic. I was also to discuss many different subjects and knew/understood Thai customs.

PS if you go out with them make sure that you don';t have a wandering eye. That you follow all Thai customs with regards to eating. Eat exactly as they do. Don't fill your plate. If she is close with her family like it seems, you will definitely need to love them and have them love you too. She will not continue with you if they don't like you.

Don't bring credentials, just be yourself and talk about your aspirations. I think the fight with the girl friend was about you doing nothing all day while she works her ass off. It is not about money it is about committment. I can understand that you are new to Thailand and are just figuring things out, but if you really aren't going to do anything in Thailand that is productive, then forget this girl and move on. She deserves more. I will tell you that it is customary at the wedding to state where you work and what jobs you have. It would be kind of embarrassing for her to have them say that you don't do anything.

Good luck.

As a dad, don't come across as a deadbeat. It is not about wealth but about character. Self respecting people don't sit on their assss all day at 41. These are the most productive years of your life. Even volunteering or developing a business plan is something.

wrong been to many Thai weddings, so its not clear, its clear times are changing and the million is just to show off to the locals how well they sold their daughter. Don't assume you are the only one who knows anything about the fast dissapearing Thai

culture.

So all this showoff BS, that could actually breakup a relationship?? Is it really worth it?

Stupidity at its finest.

[FiftyTwo]

imo that's way too fast. give it some time, whirlwind romance you might say but the fact

she was sharing emails with her thai cousin would surely acivate my alram bells

you have to agree some sort of coaching might be involved here

i bet meeting the parents was never your idea.

regardless, you don't need anyone's approval if the both of you are really in love

back off a little & see what conspires, take a breather, no one can fault that

good luck

Some people take weeks deciding on a new car, others visit the showroom and buy within days.

Buying a wife in Thailand is exactly the same.

Take her for a test drive, and if you like the ride, buy.

For me, marriage was agreed within 1 week of first meeting, and purchase completed in 3, 4th anniversary next month.

Edited January 17, 2014 by FiftyTwo