I’m meeting the gf’s parents on Sunday. They are worried that I don’t have a job

[Farma]

As for saying a dowry is valid, I can assure you most 'modern & emancipated' Thais, view the old dowry as distasteful, not least of all because it directly echoes the past when Thailand was barely more than a feudal Kingdom and the people truly submissive.

Absolute <deleted>, still very much a part of local tradition & culture, you're just imposing you own cultural programming making it into a moral issue.

I'm sure you DEFINE "modern & emancipated" this way, but in fact in my experience only poor rural Thais are willing to go along with such crazy foreign notions because they know they'll more than make up for the loss down the road.

Having attended the morning wedding ceremonies of a number of Thai - Thai weddings from village weddings upwards in the past couple of years I've seen money on show at all the weddings.

It's usually a bowl with gold and a fan of money. Whether it's returned or not I haven't asked. I'm informed it's impolite to ask.

Last year at the wedding of a member of the legal profession to a dentist I couldn't help but notice the brides new SLK mercedes on display.

[atyclb]

Unlike the other posters, I don't think 1M is a lot to pay for a doctor.

Is she really a doctor or not?

As for the rest, she has problems reading English, so of course she will ask a friend to help read the emails.

Your income, nobody's business but your own.

But

If I were the father, and had invested a small fortune in her doctor training, I wouldn't want my daughter marrying beneath her.

PS

Very few Thais (including my SCB home loan manager) understand savings, pensions, investments, passive income.

If they have spare cash, they buy a plot of land or gold.

State schools are extremely competitive to get into not just for political correctness, but they are quite economical compared with a private school like rangsit u.

[Gulfsailor]

Given the spate of threads in this vein of late you'd think having a Thai Girlfriend was akin to something you'd find in the SAS training manual.

1) Don't try and pull the mother

2) Don't kill the family pet

3) Don't break wind

4) You're 40, not 7...have you picked up no social skills in your time on this planet?

5) Perform all 'toilet functions' before you arrive.

6) You could try a neutral setting for your first meeting with the parents and draw things back in your favour, but not your fave Go-go bar or soapy massage shop.

Where was this manual 8.5 years ago? At the first meeting with the gf parents I brought my own foldable toilet seat. The second time was a road trip to a wedding something like 500km away. We all went with gf dad's car. He never goes over 80kmh, so was taking forever. My gf convinced him to let me (the well educated sensible farang) take over. I hit the gas making excellent progress at 110/120kmh when after an hour the engine blew up. Continued the journey in the back of a pickup truck, and on the way back in the back if a lorry together with the wrecked car.

The third meeting was again at their home when I accidentally stepped on their new puppy. It died 3 days later of unknown causes.

I sure made an impression on them over the years! That said after an 8plus relationship with my gf the in laws are now pushing for a wedding, and willing to pay for it all and no sinsod. At this point in time I think they would just be happy to see their weird daughter finally married...

[atyclb]

Troll post. Similar topics have been posted so many times of late. The OP is a Troll so don't waste your time replying, to this <deleted>.

More well said words of wisdom from a prominent tv post graduate faculty of relationships expert and heavy drinker

[ggt]

_{Financial security...is the one thing...it is...in Thailand...almost the ONLY thing...!}

_{When a Thai female marries a foreigner...financial stability... is THE topic of conservation...and yes the parents are concerned for their daughters welfare...and future...}

_{What if she becomes pregnant...disabled...and so on...HOW are you going to provide?...they want and need to know...}

_{I too...retired early...have passive income...}

_{I present myself...and truly am...a real-estate, commodities, and equities investor...you need only the internet and a computer to do business these days...}

_{Don't be afraid to talk about your ability to take over the complete responsibility of the marriage finances...if you are indeed able to do so by yourself...}

_{If not...then you must be honest with yourself...and your girl...}

_{Good Luck}

[atyclb]

Well no matter who you want to marry if you show sign of weakness they not only take advantages now, but also later. I mean not only Thai people, I mean anyone from any country. I understand her family for trying to take care of their daughter and make sure everything would be fine for her, I would do the same.

When you visit them dress up properly to show a sign of respect. Ask the girl what would be nice to take for her parents, may be he would not like a bottle of malt whisky as other advised you here. We don't know what their traditions are, may be in such situation it would not be appropriate to take any drinks with you. I understand that they are worried because you don't have a job. If you are getting some money coming every month and that would be enough for both of you and you children, why don't you just take a letter from bank or whatever to show them and then they would be relaxed.

As of giving one million now and get it back again, I don't think this would be advisable unless it is okay for you to loose that money. You never know if you see that money again. If they just want to tell everyone in a family that her dowry was so much, then tell them it is fine with you and just tell everyone without having me paying it. I am sure no one ask them to show the bank book.

Carry some money with you when you go to visit them. You never know may be they have a party for you and invite many people, but it is you who has to pay for everything. So carry 20 k with you to be on the safe side.

Good luck

Really???? Perhaps if her parents have a provincial mentality. Would it not be a loss of face for the parents of a prominent gal to sucker him up for the bill?

Have you no thai friends with whom your money is worthless?

[atyclb]

Assuming the bf has worked his butt off already, why not hook up with this gal that can make at least 30k/month at a gov hospital plus private hosp moonlighting. Lay back, relax, take it easy, sabai sabai.

Many a thai doctor dreams about training in the uk or usa. the op not only has that but a license to boot. high prestige for the gf and her family. the op can be her trophy husband. heck, let the family buy you a benz. nothing wrong with a thai lady doctor maintaining her G7 consultant husband.

actually we'd all be quite proud of you.

[Suitcase]

Go to Asia Books and buy one of the books on Thai lifestyle and marriage to a Thai girl.

Been here 28 yrs and heard about every story imaginable!

Never heard of a farang meeting the family without going out for a meal

and you know who is paying for it, the farang!

The family could care less about you as long as the money keeps coming in!

Gone with ladies all the way from the bars and massages all the way up to nurses

and office girls. Even if you get married to this lady you will never know the full story

on her life! It is such a secret society that most of us do not ever learn about!

They will keep their boyfriends and husbands even if married to you and

you take her to another country. They even send money back to them that you do not know about!

Stop giving her money and you will be history in a heart beat!

Don't get me wrong, some of them have feelings, but behind that big smile and those slanted eyes,

lookout.! That clever little mind is thinking all the time!

Thai values are different than farang but farang are always trying to change the Thai girls

into our way of thinking and life!

I have never heard of a 'well to do' Thai lady wanting to marry a farang!

Think of it as Sex and money and you will be much further ahead and

you will still have a bank a account!

Men have never been treated so well and the ladies and their families

are living the high life!

Two to three months; no way!!

[wym]

Go to Asia Books and buy one of the books on Thai lifestyle and marriage to a Thai girl.

Been here 28 yrs and heard about every story imaginable!

Never heard of a farang meeting the family without going out for a meal

and you know who is paying for it, the farang!

The family could care less about you as long as the money keeps coming in!

Gone with ladies all the way from the bars and massages all the way up to nurses

and office girls. Even if you get married to this lady you will never know the full story

on her life! It is such a secret society that most of us do not ever learn about!

They will keep their boyfriends and husbands even if married to you and

you take her to another country. They even send money back to them that you do not know about!

Stop giving her money and you will be history in a heart beat!

Don't get me wrong, some of them have feelings, but behind that big smile and those slanted eyes,

lookout.! That clever little mind is thinking all the time!

Thai values are different than farang but farang are always trying to change the Thai girls

into our way of thinking and life!

I have never heard of a 'well to do' Thai lady wanting to marry a farang!

Think of it as Sex and money and you will be much further ahead and

you will still have a bank a account!

Men have never been treated so well and the ladies and their families

are living the high life!

Two to three months; no way!!

" all the way up to nurses and office girls."

Words of wisdom within a particular context, but definitely limited and a bit of over-generalization.

Truly wealthy and ultra-respectable farang marry into all strata of Thai society.

Including a daughter of the current king, and obviously you're not casting aspersions there are you?

[socksy01]

Forget it - stay free and single and sample different goods on offer at various locations. That way your pension in your control.

[thaibeachlovers]

<have been together 2 to 3 months>

Would you be considering marriage at that stage if you were back home?

I didn't meet the rellies of my wife for a year after we were living together, but whatever you feel comfortable with.

<Should I be showing my uni qualifications to them>

It's not a job interview, and at this stage it shouldn't be viewed as any more serious than if she was a new GF back home.

[F4UCorsair]

Sounds like interference from Europe to me.

Get out, plenty more fish in the pond.

[peterquixote]

Something worries me here. I understand this mans nervousness, but I have a definite opinion that davidst01 should retain a high level of self assertion. Refusing to divulge income details signifies this, but to put this thing down in straight forward terms.

The father of girl friend should be recognizing that davidst01 is the man.

I mean that seriously. My wife for all her Thai ways and some manipulation,

has decoded I am the leader. This is the way she likes it.

I think my own father in law in Isaan may have been disappointed that there was no sin sod, but after three years they recognize that I have

advanced their daughters life with good solid input. I make provision for them in other ways , but no Sin sod

May I say do not pay Sin Sod at this point if ever. It is a thoroughly bad custom.

I agree with other posters retain your high level of self, and just take them little presents.

In my opinion is it them that should be recognizing you as much if notr more than you recognizing them,.

Once Thai people get the grip on you, they will keep squeezing.

Say no to Sin Sod, be yourself, and the very best to you.

And I am sorry it is not ok to share emails with third parties.

My wife had Thai friends here in New Zealand, who became negative because I am actually slightly alcoholic.

I banned them from the house.

And lastly, and I found this out to my expense, once you start compromising yourself, the road to misery is on.

from Paul Scott

[peterquixote]

I would like to say that largely I agree with Suitcase above.

apparently cynical, it is the truth.

davidst01 be careful and slow dude,

take time for yourself, eyes open, no Sin Sod.

[tetleythedog]

i smell a lamb being led to slaughter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the father wants an icum statement to show that you are able to support him.................lol. the daughter has shown she can take care of herself.

The father is a director so his first thought is money. If he is like most directors here he think God is sitting in his seat ! She loves you, you love her......................but he paid for her education so he will expect reimbursement.

[chubbychops]

Sounds like a match made in heaven, and only one million....bahhhh , since you have such a great pension and your father has a Dr. in front of his name it really ought to be more and I'm sure you can do that.

You were intending on going to your gf's place empty handed? That is so boorish, I guess you father, the one with the Dr. in front of his name never taught you proper social etiquette and that is to never arrive at another person's home empty handed?!......especially when meeting someone of importance for the first time.

Now don't forget to take off your shoes at the door either sweetie. Yes, sounds like a match made in heaven. Good luck.

[BigSkip]

Like it was said before, its not a job interview, definitely drop the paperwork, be yourself, EMPTY Handed??? Not a good idea in any culture, and NOT just some fruit, spend a little more, cheap ass........................

Edited January 18, 2014 by BigSkip

[Ruin]

Sounds like this girl deserves someone who can look after her and her family.

Wonder if the guy has any plans for a future career or already has a guaranteed income of 100k baht or more per month?

Maybe the parents are wondering if she can do better and that she is not grabbing at straws on the rebound.

[steven100]

what's a ' passive income ' ? sounds like something you just get every now and then. Just get plastered with mama, throw pops a nice cigar and then wham bam for the new gf and everything will be ok.

Sent from my TR736 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[mtimmu]

that 2-3 month thing is trubblesome! run boy run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

agree.....run away !!

[mesquite]

Something worries me here. I understand this mans nervousness, but I have a definite opinion that davidst01 should retain a high level of self assertion. Refusing to divulge income details signifies this, but to put this thing down in straight forward terms.

The father of girl friend should be recognizing that davidst01 is the man.

I mean that seriously. My wife for all her Thai ways and some manipulation,

has decoded I am the leader. This is the way she likes it.

I think my own father in law in Isaan may have been disappointed that there was no sin sod, but after three years they recognize that I have

advanced their daughters life with good solid input. I make provision for them in other ways , but no Sin sod

May I say do not pay Sin Sod at this point if ever. It is a thoroughly bad custom.

I agree with other posters retain your high level of self, and just take them little presents.

In my opinion is it them that should be recognizing you as much if notr more than you recognizing them,.

Once Thai people get the grip on you, they will keep squeezing.

Say no to Sin Sod, be yourself, and the very best to you.

And I am sorry it is not ok to share emails with third parties.

My wife had Thai friends here in New Zealand, who became negative because I am actually slightly alcoholic.

I banned them from the house.

And lastly, and I found this out to my expense, once you start compromising yourself, the road to misery is on.

from Paul Scott

No such thing.

[dighambara]

Thainess - How does one live without work..??

I too am retired and have discovered that to gain citizenship, a person must have a job - income seems not to be a requirement, only some lowly job.

The idea goes to the highest levels - apparently the idea of a 'retirement income' is not well understood.

[Straight8]

Given the spate of threads in this vein of late you'd think having a Thai Girlfriend was akin to something you'd find in the SAS training manual.

1) Don't try and pull the mother

2) Don't kill the family pet

3) Don't break wind

4) You're 40, not 7...have you picked up no social skills in your time on this planet?

5) Perform all 'toilet functions' before you arrive.

6) You could try a neutral setting for your first meeting with the parents and draw things back in your favour, but not your fave Go-go bar or soapy massage shop.

Where was this manual 8.5 years ago? At the first meeting with the gf parents I brought my own foldable toilet seat. The second time was a road trip to a wedding something like 500km away. We all went with gf dad's car. He never goes over 80kmh, so was taking forever. My gf convinced him to let me (the well educated sensible farang) take over. I hit the gas making excellent progress at 110/120kmh when after an hour the engine blew up. Continued the journey in the back of a pickup truck, and on the way back in the back if a lorry together with the wrecked car.

The third meeting was again at their home when I accidentally stepped on their new puppy. It died 3 days later of unknown causes.

I sure made an impression on them over the years! That said after an 8plus relationship with my gf the in laws are now pushing for a wedding, and willing to pay for it all and no sinsod. At this point in time I think they would just be happy to see their weird daughter finally married...

Funny how it works, when the balance of power suddenly shifts.

The rules are to never ever give your other half [be it Western or especially Thai] the balance of power to begin with, otherwise conditions will be placed on you immediately and things just get worse from there.

[noikrit]

One day to go OP !!! .... Hope you have "soaked in" all this incredible advice .... Let us all know how you went .... or check back in so we know if your still alive ..... ..... Chokdee

[speedtripler]

write a cheque from a dead cheque book for 10,000,000 and have it framed in a gold frame so everyone

can gloat over it at the wedding

if thyere going to give it back anyway ,what differnce does it make ?

2-3 months asking for a million sounds like theyre playing you for a farang to see how much they can get

this "girl" is nearly 30 and the other guy didnt want her either or hed have made a bit more of an effort to play ball

[Spaniel]

Go to Asia Books and buy one of the books on Thai lifestyle and marriage to a Thai girl.

Been here 28 yrs and heard about every story imaginable!

Never heard of a farang meeting the family without going out for a meal

and you know who is paying for it, the farang!

The family could care less about you as long as the money keeps coming in!

Gone with ladies all the way from the bars and massages all the way up to nurses

and office girls. Even if you get married to this lady you will never know the full story

on her life! It is such a secret society that most of us do not ever learn about!

They will keep their boyfriends and husbands even if married to you and

you take her to another country. They even send money back to them that you do not know about!

Stop giving her money and you will be history in a heart beat!

Don't get me wrong, some of them have feelings, but behind that big smile and those slanted eyes,

lookout.! That clever little mind is thinking all the time!

Thai values are different than farang but farang are always trying to change the Thai girls

into our way of thinking and life!

I have never heard of a 'well to do' Thai lady wanting to marry a farang!

Think of it as Sex and money and you will be much further ahead and

you will still have a bank a account!

Men have never been treated so well and the ladies and their families

are living the high life!

Two to three months; no way!!

I have been here much longer then you and I think most of what you say is a crock of sh*t!

[sirchai]

OK OP, I have been to a few of these meetings. NOT because of me but because of Mrs.Trans.

In Thai culture it is a special occasion. Food, booze, but above all the presence of family hierarchy, you all sit, eat, drink and discuss stuff.

For sin sod to be put forward to you at this early stage is rolox and was put forward by your lady.

I would never have said I was retired. You are a Consultant of some sort, yes ?. Your income could be explained as YOU are a Consultant and hence your monthly income. Easy really.........

What about being a "Supreme Commander of Extraterrestrial Spacecrafts." OP can page me, will make a "certificate" for him.-

[elzach]

2-3 months is way too early in most places, but especially in Thailand.

How long you've been in BKK? Please don't tell us 2-3 months!

[wym]

With this kind of clueless arrogance and lack of consideration, it's no wonder so few farang manage to get hitched with decent girls here.

Guys, it's the SCAMMERS that know how to fit into your expectations and make everything seem "normal" so you feel comfortable, no sin sot no problem, no pressure to conform to Thai culture etc etc.

If you're truly in love with a nice girl from a nice family that's already comfortable financially, most of the time YOU will need to fit in with THEIR expectations or it's no go.

Feel free to buck the system, but you'll miss out on the best that Thailand has to offer due to paranoia and simple bloody-mindedness.

To each their own and best of luck. . .

[GOLDBUGGY]

a million seems steep... are you sure she's being straight with you?

as for meeting the parents, be yourself - assuming you're not a drunken slob...

the worrying thing is third party advice; thai's a renown for listening to and taking on board friends and family advice that can be given more put of jealousy or spite than a genuine desire to be constructive and helpful. the only hope you have is that your GF is independently minded enough to make her own decisions. good luck.

Agree that One Million seems steep for me to. My Wife is University Educated as well and I paid 200,000 Baht, which I could afford. Her younger sister just got married to a Thai and hers was the same as mine. But I think they offered them more Gold as well.

But you did say they were going to give you this money back, By Thai Tradition they do not have to. What you are doing is buying this women from them, who they have supported and put through school all of her life.

Daughters are expected to help out the family financially regardless of what they, or you, say now. But it doesn't have to be that much. She may be paying out of her own wages, but once you are married her wages are also your wages. So be prepared for that and don't make that such a big deal. Nobody is trying to screw you. It is the tradition here for thousands of years and that will never change over night.

To help solve your unemployment problem, invest in a Good Gold Ring and then Watch, if you can afford both. Thais see Gold as the same as seeing Money. So as long as they see your Gold Ring, they will know you have money and not worry anymore. Believe Me! They will be more impressed with your Gold Ring than a bunch of Diploma's from a Man who isn't working.

Which brings me to my last point. In Thailand you are expected to support yourself and your family. I appreciate that you have worked hard in the past and invested your money wisely, but in your late 40's, and unless you are really well off, it is too young to Retire. So try to come up with some long term goals and plans for yourself and GF, and perhaps that will make everyone else feel better about you. I know I would not be too impressed with you as My Future Son-in-law, if all that you wanted to do was take the next 5 years off to enjoy yourself, then live off my daughter and me.

Understand Now?