I’m meeting the gf’s parents on Sunday. They are worried that I don’t have a job

[h90]

You have been invited to meet with the prospective in-laws.

Make no mistake this is a very big deal for your girl friend and should not be underestimated.

Without the parents blessing there will not be a happy future with this lady.

Do not be too concerned by your lady asking her friend/s for emotional help because at the level of Thai society your girl is from there may well be concerns, there is in some respects a feeling that is definitely against mixed marriage to a Falang, especially one with no discernible means of support without a job.

If I was your girls Father, I too would want a long interview with you.

As far as the dowry is concerned, the amount could be described in the families circumstances as low and as long as your lady hasn't been married to anyone before and not had any children not unusually high.

The fact that the parents would give this back after the wedding is a very good sign that the Sinsot is just for show and nothing more.

Initially meeting the Mum and Dad for the first time can be stressful for both parties but if you keep your calm and your dignity, show that you really do love their daughter and you have the means, brains and self respect enough to support her then you will be OK.

It may be sensible to explain to them that you do not intend to become a professional loafer all your life and maybe you have plans to build an hospital or a school or maybe even get a job as a school janitor but you will resume work at some foreseeable point in the near future

My suggestion is that if the girl in this age is emotionally so close to the family....don't marry her. There are millions of girls who live very modern and marry whoever they want like in the west.

[h90]

sin sot doesn't really exist anymore in modern families.

But it is often given for ceremonial purposes.....You give 500K to the parents and the parents give you as gift the car that you wanted to buy (which is worth 500K) or the land/house etc.

Or you give the money and get it back immediately.

Or even the parents give you the money before and you actually give it back.

Something like that. But really money changing hands is only on the countryside, hardly when the father is Dr..

And there are more than enough relationships which the parents don't agree.

No..I do not give. They love me anyways. Call me sticky sht but my gal says many in her family admire my stickiness.

Don't believe a word about everyone having to pay 500 thousand which is immediately returned. Very humorous.

I only know one case of returned money first hand and it was a Thai marry a Thai....I don't know many Farangs.

Stickiness will be admired mostly when there is some Chinese heritage....

People vary....many save money....while more spend whatever they can get their hands on...generally in the West and in Thailand.

[slipperylobster]

Stop reading cultural guidebooks. Be a farang and be proud. Hold back just a bit, they will respect you more if you do not kowtow. Stop in and state your plans before they set up a nightmare, after that..do as you please...even invite them to the wedding.

[FiftyTwo]

Unlike the other posters, I don't think 1M is a lot to pay for a doctor.

Is she really a doctor or not?

As for the rest, she has problems reading English, so of course she will ask a friend to help read the emails.

Your income, nobody's business but your own.

But

If I were the father, and had invested a small fortune in her doctor training, I wouldn't want my daughter marrying beneath her.

PS

Very few Thais (including my SCB home loan manager) understand savings, pensions, investments, passive income.

If they have spare cash, they buy a plot of land or gold.

Edited January 17, 2014 by FiftyTwo

[slipperylobster]

Unlike the other posters, I don't think 1M is a lot to pay for a doctor.

Is she really a doctor or not?

As for the rest, she has problems reading English, so of course she will ask a friend to help read the emails.

Your income, nobody's business but your own.

But

If I were the father, and had invested a small fortune in her doctor training, I wouldn't want my daughter marrying beneath her.

did you say "pay??" the others are saying you get it all back anyways.... well...what is it then?

[FiftyTwo]

did you say "pay??" the others are saying you get it all back anyways.... well...what is it then?

Some times you do, some times you don't.

I pal of mine paid 250k, expected it back, was told he would get it back, and they kept it.

What you gonna do?

I would never give something I expected back.

Some guys are more hopeful.

[rayongchelsea]

How come when I want my walls painted the workers are so slow.

Tiles in the bathroom same..so very very slow..

A farang meets a girl - meet parents..very very quick!! Wait 2-3 years <deleted>!!

Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Sam Gold]

Strikes me as a valid concern from the parents, they don't know you.

If they like you everything will be ok.

Expect them to ask you exactly how much money comes in per month though, you'd better prepare your answer, not too little and not too much.

[transam]

OK OP, I have been to a few of these meetings. NOT because of me but because of Mrs.Trans.

In Thai culture it is a special occasion. Food, booze, but above all the presence of family hierarchy, you all sit, eat, drink and discuss stuff.

For sin sod to be put forward to you at this early stage is rolox and was put forward by your lady.

I would never have said I was retired. You are a Consultant of some sort, yes ?. Your income could be explained as YOU are a Consultant and hence your monthly income. Easy really.........

[eldragon]

In general, most girls that come from money and/or can take care of themselves want a guy that makes it too. This is not a uniquely Thai thing.

[JesseFrank]

Anyone been through the topic history of the OP yet ?

If so you will know who you're talking to.

[transam]

In general, most girls that come from money and/or can take care of themselves want a guy that makes it too. This is not a uniquely Thai thing.

Rubbish..........

[transam]

Anyone been through the topic history of the OP yet ?

If so you will know who you're talking to.

No........... ..................Don't tell me I have been wasting my time.............

[bender92]

"have been together 2 to 3 months and we love each other."

Yeah, right.

[besth]

OP I don't think you should be worried.

Of course it is a special occasion for your GF and her family, as it would/will be

for you and yours if/when the time comes for her to meet them.

Just a couple of months into the relationship does sound very early to start discussing

marriage terms and so on, but definitely not too early to meet the family on a social

occasion. Even if it is not a form of lunch/dinner, I'd guess food and drink will be involved,

it is the way things go here. Probably a good idea to ask your GF what kind of snacks her

family would like and bring some of those to help break the ice.

An educated family being concerned, or simply curious, about the lifestyle of their daughters'

new boyfriend is normal all over the world. Even more so if the BF comes from a different culture

and has a personal situation that is not usual, as not working in your early 40s may sound until

you explain why it has come to that.

Forget about copies of anything, uni titles, bank statements or whatever! That would become embarrassing

for everybody.

One point I think you should take seriously and try to get as much information about it as possible is the

situation with the cousin who is married with a foreigner and living in Europe.

She may be a jealous bitch, but she may also be a loving family member, respected by your GF and her

parents, being put in a position of giving opinions about you that come not directly from you, so it may be

confusing for her and she may tend to err on the side of extreme caution so that she can't be told later

"but you said it should be OK". Maybe even try to organize a skype chat with her and possibly her husband,

just as an introduction.

Good luck, but doesn't sound like you need too much of it.

[transam]

OP I don't think you should be worried.

Of course it is a special occasion for your GF and her family, as it would/will be

for you and yours if/when the time comes for her to meet them.

Just a couple of months into the relationship does sound very early to start discussing

marriage terms and so on, but definitely not too early to meet the family on a social

occasion. Even if it is not a form of lunch/dinner, I'd guess food and drink will be involved,

it is the way things go here. Probably a good idea to ask your GF what kind of snacks her

family would like and bring some of those to help break the ice.

An educated family being concerned, or simply curious, about the lifestyle of their daughters'

new boyfriend is normal all over the world. Even more so if the BF comes from a different culture

and has a personal situation that is not usual, as not working in your early 40s may sound until

you explain why it has come to that.

Forget about copies of anything, uni titles, bank statements or whatever! That would become embarrassing

for everybody.

One point I think you should take seriously and try to get as much information about it as possible is the

situation with the cousin who is married with a foreigner and living in Europe.

She may be a jealous bitch, but she may also be a loving family member, respected by your GF and her

parents, being put in a position of giving opinions about you that come not directly from you, so it may be

confusing for her and she may tend to err on the side of extreme caution so that she can't be told later

"but you said it should be OK". Maybe even try to organize a skype chat with her and possibly her husband,

just as an introduction.

Good luck, but doesn't sound like you need too much of it.

[lostmebike]

she has not asked anymore questions about my financial situation and I have no intention of telling her

That's what I like to see, start as you mean to go on son

Edited January 17, 2014 by lostmebike

[mesquite]

If I were the girl's father, I would want to know how the OP gets his money. With all the scammers that show up here, it's a legitimate concern. Someone who doesn't work and has plenty of money is suspicious to say the least.

However, if I were the OP, I wouldn't worry. I'd just tell them I consult and of course be prepared for questions like "How much do you make."

[slipperylobster]

How come when I want my walls painted the workers are so slow. Tiles in the bathroom same..so very very slow.. A farang meets a girl - meet parents..very very quick!! Wait 2-3 years <deleted>!! Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

That is the whole point..isn't it? Seems like some guys are being led by their noses. Nobody is going to hate you for having an engagement.. It is our way. Looks like the wedding is their way.

Possibly they are worried that you may change your mind. Looking for a quick "sale". Never let the buyer leave without making a purchase...sort of thing. If you "found" her and there is no "finders fee" involved...then feel lucky. Hopefully her "credit" or her parents "credit" are all just dandy and up to date. Many people I know end up discussing "her overdue credit"....and that should not be discussed, as you are not the husband just yet.

Once again, as the OP was fishing here for comments, I will just say this and finish...

Announce you engagement

Shrug and look confused about the Sin Sot....just change the topic to something like ...I love your daughter sooooo much. Perhaps she will accompany me to my country and meet my parents one day as well. When that happens, we will be ready to announce our wedding plans. I think they can only respect you for that. Why not do a visa for her instead of handing over 500,000 or a million. You may want to get married in your own country and then do a Buddha Wedding/Party after the fact. It is a good delay tactic, should Sin Sot become the topic.

If she stays with you for a year without discussing sin sot/bad credit then you got yourself a good one. Many girls my wife knows run like the wind when their money desires are not immediately fulfilled. Those are the girls that somebody else needs to purchase.

[eldragon]

If I were the girl's father, I would want to know how the OP gets his money. With all the scammers that show up here, it's a legitimate concern. Someone who doesn't work and has plenty of money is suspicious to say the least.

However, if I were the OP, I wouldn't worry. I'd just tell them I consult and of course be prepared for questions like "How much do you make."

Yup. Pretty much. You know, everyone has plenty of reasons why they don't trust Thais and Thai girls. But the big one that goes the other way is most foreigners can hit the eject button on this place any time they want. So if you're a guy who's raised a responsible family, why would you not want to be sure your future son-in-law is who he says he is, and a man that can at the very least take care of his half with his daughter?

[Johnnie99]

Got money? All's well.

[Tchooptip]

I love your sentence: My father also has ‘Dr’ in front of his first name and thus hoping that they see I’m from a respected family.

Because workers are not from respectables families,

http://www.examiner.com/article/criminal-backgrounds-of-many-doctors-are-alarming

Possibly you'll get along very well with uptight Thais, good luck!

[transam]

If I were the girl's father, I would want to know how the OP gets his money. With all the scammers that show up here, it's a legitimate concern. Someone who doesn't work and has plenty of money is suspicious to say the least.

However, if I were the OP, I wouldn't worry. I'd just tell them I consult and of course be prepared for questions like "How much do you make."

Yup. Pretty much. You know, everyone has plenty of reasons why they don't trust Thais and Thai girls. But the big one that goes the other way is most foreigners can hit the eject button on this place any time they want. So if you're a guy who's raised a responsible family, why would you not want to be sure your future son-in-law is who he says he is, and a man that can at the very least take care of his half with his daughter?

So where are the farang guarantees coming from ?

[realenglish1]

1 million baht Commom that is way too much Even weathly dont expect that. 400,000 or 500,00o tops And to tell you the truth

You are falang and really should pay nothing for sin sod. But keep the faith. They see farang as rich in comparison to Thai and will take advantage of it regardless of the Education

I am with a Thai lady now for 6 years and she has a university degree No sin sod and I was married to a Thai lady for 12 years now divorced and no sin sod

You are giving her a great opportunity to marry you and her parents know this. They know you will make a good husband for their daughter.

I know she wants a million but cut it in half Not realistic my friend and I have lived here for 14 years and speak Thai and know what they woman do here

Be realistic and think with your head

(between your shoulders)

[Nemesis7]

Look it's perfectly natural. Her patents have every right to worry and be concerned. If you were a father of a girl you would be worried too. Be polite when you meet them, if I were you, I would take them out for dinner. And be introduced. Its normal for ur GF to talk to her cousin. You better have plans to show her she is secured.

[aussieinthailand]

Interesting.

I wonder on what basis the OP is staying in Thailand? There are very few legitimate means for someone in their 40's who is unmarried and not working to remain in country long term.

If I was this educated ladies Dad I would ask some very searching questions !

Hmmm, I disagree with your statement, "very few legitimate means for someone in their 40's who is unmarried and not working to remain in country long term".

I 'm in my 40's and not working in Thailand, but I still have a steady income from previous work and investments whilst in OZ,

As for 1,000,000 for sinsod it's ok as the amount for a higher educated woman from a good family go up the better social status of the woman and family, same as a regular worker or famer the sinsod is lower. but yes I do think the farther has the right to know you are financially stable to take care of his daughter.

cheers good luck

[lostmebike]

If I were the girl's father, I would want to know how the OP gets his money. With all the scammers that show up here, it's a legitimate concern. Someone who doesn't work and has plenty of money is suspicious to say the least.

However, if I were the OP, I wouldn't worry. I'd just tell them I consult and of course be prepared for questions like "How much do you make."

Yup. Pretty much. You know, everyone has plenty of reasons why they don't trust Thais and Thai girls. But the big one that goes the other way is most foreigners can hit the eject button on this place any time they want. So if you're a guy who's raised a responsible family, why would you not want to be sure your future son-in-law is who he says he is, and a man that can at the very least take care of his half with his daughter?

So where are the farang guarantees coming from ?

The good ol' bar stool in 'Patts' transam, don't you know?

[transam]

Look it's perfectly natural. Her patents have every right to worry and be concerned. If you were a father of a girl you would be worried too. Be polite when you meet them, if I were you, I would take them out for dinner. And be introduced. Its normal for ur GF to talk to her cousin. You better have plans to show her she is secured.

But seems the parents had nooooooooooooooo probs with the daughter having a six year ''boy friend'' relationship ?.............

[thhMan]

Personally...

Stay as far away from any further Thai involvement....

7-8 years here now and know many horror stories...

After sex comes the living together part and you are then left at the mercy of her and the family... dont EVER assume she will take your advice over theirs.

Dont EVER assume she will be the same person 5 years from now

Tread carefully and dont rush anything.... If she loves you now, she will love you 3 years from now, regardless of marriage....

Above all... DONT start handing out the cash to the sick mama... sick papa and all these ill people that start cropping up.... Do it once and you will be expected to do it again and again and again and again...

Wish you all the luck... because only good luck will make all this turn out well for you....

[donmuang37]

Put yourself in the parents position. If the girl is in her late 20's she is nearing the end of her eligibility. Thai guys rarely marry anyone over 30 unless they want her money. And once in a serious relationship with a farang, she is spoiled goods for most Thai men.

Her parents, no doubt want the best for her. So if you had a daughter that brought home a guy in his early 40's with no visible means of support, what would you think? I have 2 daughters and I would be very concerned. Never get between your Thai wife/girlfriend and her family - you'll lose every time. Find a way around the issue.

As someone said, what do you plan to do with your time? I was fully retired for 3 years after working for 50 years. I enjoyed the time off, licked my wounds, and traveled around Thailand with my wife. But after 3 years, I got bored. I don't have to work, either, because I have 3 retirements, but needed to keep busy and be useful. So I've be teaching English for 8 years now - and I'm 76. No plans to retire as long as I can work. I don't want to become like some of the drunken farang bums that I see who are a waste of oxygen!

I recommend that you go to your embassy and get a statement from them indicating a suitable level of income. The American embassy has a form letter used for marriage visas which would suffice if you are American. If not, your embassy may be able to provide it. It is an official notarized form accepted by the Thai Government so it should work for the parents. You can state less than your actual income if you wish, but I would show at least 100,000 baht per month. And show them your university transcripts. They spent a lot to educate their daughter and certainly want her to be with an educated gentleman.

Worry about the dowry later. No need to discuss on the first meeting. Agree with the others; about interference from her "friends" and relatives. Can be a deal breaker.

Best of luck