How long did it take to communicate effectively with your Thai partner?

[AhFarangJa]

I slap my missus on the forehead with my penis every time she does not understand me.

Her English skills are improving.

Bit embarrassing in the middle of the restaurant when ordering a steak though I should think.

[Docno]

When I first met my current Thai gf, I probably knew more Thai than she knew English. We weren't staying together, so a lot of communication was via sms. Within 6 months to a year, her English was at a very high level of proficiency, and only rarely does one of us have to refer to a dictionary, E-dict, etc. A few months after we were together I discovered that she was laboriously transcribing each one of my sms's into a notebook to learn from. [i'm not one to use sms abbrevations]. Pages and pages, including the regrettable things I've said in the heat of an argument, she had recorded. But she said it's what helped her learn. The problem is that we now talk almost exclusively in English so my progress in Thai has stalled.

I'm convinced that the 'problem' with many Thais is not proficiency, but confidence... I know my Thai is much better with people I'm comfortable with than with total strangers, but we farangs get lots of positive reinforcement when we try out our bad Thai. Thais don't get the same reinforcement when they try to struggle through with their English so they are more self-concious about it.

[thailiketoo]

Basic communication is one thing, learning how to discuss issues, and break down problems and find solutions is quite another. Most Thai people will be ANYTHING to avoid looking inside. Introspection is simply not part of their culture. It may force them to take responsibility, say they are sorry, or even worse, admit they are part of the problem! So, within a year or so, I simply told her if she wanted to continue avoiding communication about real issues, I was going to leave. The relationship was not going to work if we could not solve our problems like adults do. She was motivated enough, and as painful as it was, she began to respond to my need to communicate on a deeper level. So, far it has worked. But, you have to make them aware that this is a make or break kind of area of the relationship. Most will avoid confrontation, deeper communication, or accepting blame for problems or issues. The whole concept of "face" is a tremendous form of cultural weakness, and cowardice, that allows them to avoid any introspection. It is a boil on the face of Asia, and prevents personal and spiritual growth.

You could google, "Looking at the good and bad women in Thai folktales" or the writings Sunthorn Phu the Thai Shakespeare.

The problem understanding Thai culture in depth is it is all written in Thai.

I feel sorry that you are trying to describe Thais in such a manner. It is kind of like tap dancing about Plumbing. You are not going to get anywhere unless you you read Thai well.

[Sirbergan]

The first priority for anyone living permanently in another country should be to learn the language. It's more difficult for some than for others, of course, but learning just enough to get by isn't really that hard if you actually try.

Speaking for myself, I can definitely say that learning the language has lead to a significantly increased life quality, more understanding of Thais and the culture, less arguments and a better social life – and, of course, a better relationship with my wife.

A good view, indeed. But I disagree with your last part. The relationship with my wife has gotten worse as I'm able to flirt with all the good looking girls now in their own slang. That is worth to learn Thai/Isaan.

That's caused by your own flirtatious nature rather than your language abilities, but I see your point

But yes, it's definitely worth it!

[Pi Suthep]

well, ... there are some more and some less important languages available to learn in the world, english, spain, chinese, russian, ...

Imagine, you would have learned thai language to its perfection, what content would you discuss with your wife ?

The permanent question about what feed her with as next or noodle-soup discussions ?

Defending from charges to be a kiniau when not giving her all your assets ?

The butterfly discussion ?

and so on...

is it really worth learning a language for such important conversations ?

would your time probably be better invested in learning one of the languages mentioned above instead ?

As presumably you are the paying part of your relationship, do you need to learn the language of the sponsored part or vice versa ?

To all the Thai-addicts: Dont be angry - only some thoughts...

[Sirbergan]

well, ... there are some more and some less important languages available to learn in the world, english, spain, chinese, russian, ...

Imagine, you would have learned thai language to its perfection, what content would you discuss with your wife ?

The permanent question about what feed her with as next or noodle-soup discussions ?

Defending from charges to be a kiniau when not giving her all your assets ?

The butterfly discussion ?

and so on...

is it really worth learning a language for such important conversations ?

would your time probably be better invested in learning one of the languages mentioned above instead ?

As presumably you are the paying part of your relationship, do you need to learn the language of the sponsored part or vice versa ?

To all the Thai-addicts: Dont be angry - only some thoughts...

I really don't see how picking up Chinese would improve your life in Thailand, no - but please go ahead if you'd like to learn Chinese and Russian as well, it's always an advantage to learn languages and improve your communication skills. A point you've seemed to ignore, is that it takes a lot less effort to learn a language if you're in an environment where you both speak and hear it frequently on a daily basis. If your future is in Thailand, why not make an effort to learn Thai? Back in your home country, wouldn't you expect immigrants to learn your language?

There are many reasons why it's always a good idea to learn the language spoken in the country you're planning to stay in. Better communication with the wife/gf is just one of them. But I guess many foreigners don't see the benefits of learning the language, or try to justify their inability/laziness by claiming they wouldn't benefit from it.

It sounds like you've got a really deep and meaningful relationship there - hold on to it at all costs

[inthepink]

well, ... there are some more and some less important languages available to learn in the world, english, spain, chinese, russian, ...

Imagine, you would have learned thai language to its perfection, what content would you discuss with your wife ?

The permanent question about what feed her with as next or noodle-soup discussions ?

Defending from charges to be a kiniau when not giving her all your assets ?

The butterfly discussion ?

and so on...

is it really worth learning a language for such important conversations ?

would your time probably be better invested in learning one of the languages mentioned above instead ?

As presumably you are the paying part of your relationship, do you need to learn the language of the sponsored part or vice versa ?

To all the Thai-addicts: Dont be angry - only some thoughts...

These kind of posts are getting so boring. Why assume that everybody is married to a complete fool or a gold-digger and why does there have to be a paying partner? There are plenty of girls here with good jobs that don't want to talk about noodle soup.

Why would a Thai girl want to learn English? So she can listen to her partner swearing at the TV when watching the football, shouting at the waitresses when they misunderstand his order in a restaurant, ranting on about how much better everything is at home or perhaps giving her the benefit of his enormous wisdom when discussing how he could run the country far better than local politicians (despite having no knowledge of politics and having worked as a plumber back home).

[laislica]

well, ... there are some more and some less important languages available to learn in the world, english, spain, chinese, russian, ...

Imagine, you would have learned thai language to its perfection, what content would you discuss with your wife ?

The permanent question about what feed her with as next or noodle-soup discussions ?

Defending from charges to be a kiniau when not giving her all your assets ?

The butterfly discussion ?

and so on...

is it really worth learning a language for such important conversations ?

would your time probably be better invested in learning one of the languages mentioned above instead ?

As presumably you are the paying part of your relationship, do you need to learn the language of the sponsored part or vice versa ?

To all the Thai-addicts: Dont be angry - only some thoughts...

I really don't see how picking up Chinese would improve your life in Thailand, no - but please go ahead if you'd like to learn Chinese and Russian as well, it's always an advantage to learn languages and improve your communication skills. A point you've seemed to ignore, is that it takes a lot less effort to learn a language if you're in an environment where you both speak and hear it frequently on a daily basis. If your future is in Thailand, why not make an effort to learn Thai? Back in your home country, wouldn't you expect immigrants to learn your language?

There are many reasons why it's always a good idea to learn the language spoken in the country you're planning to stay in. Better communication with the wife/gf is just one of them. But I guess many foreigners don't see the benefits of learning the language, or try to justify their inability/laziness by claiming they wouldn't benefit from it.

It sounds like you've got a really deep and meaningful relationship there - hold on to it at all costs

That's a difficulty with anonymous forums, we know very little about each poster.

I kind of see his point but it may be a young age thing and/or a holiday thing?

To be young and learn many different languages does sound very attractive but I would suppose it would be better to have a good understanding of the language of your currently adopted country first, at least for all of the many reasons you mentioned.

My first language is English, then Spanish, then Thai, followed by a smattering of language picked up when staying in a country longer than for a fortnights holiday.

[Seastallion]

lol.

That's funny.

The reaction from the person who took it so seriously is almost funnier.

Yes it was funnier, so IMHO not sure at all it was taken seriously.

If you had reading comprehension, you would have realised that I did take it seriously.

Is peadophilia a subject to joke or make snide comments about? No? Well, neither is spousal abuse or domestic violence.

Someone who thinks it funny to joke about slapping his partner is probably chauvanistic and certainly immature. Add to it a penis reference and the immaturity and chauvanism is confirmed.

It reminds me of a recent now-locked thread wherein a poster responded (aptly) "Simple the westerners involved, match the woman you mention, a perfect match."

Low class men get with low class women.

I despise all 3 of you who think it is funny.

I've said my bit, but bring it on if you want to take this further. Lets see whose reasoning and communication skills are better.

[Seastallion]

When I first met my current Thai gf, I probably knew more Thai than she knew English. We weren't staying together, so a lot of communication was via sms. Within 6 months to a year, her English was at a very high level of proficiency, and only rarely does one of us have to refer to a dictionary, E-dict, etc. A few months after we were together I discovered that she was laboriously transcribing each one of my sms's into a notebook to learn from. [i'm not one to use sms abbrevations]. Pages and pages, including the regrettable things I've said in the heat of an argument, she had recorded. But she said it's what helped her learn. The problem is that we now talk almost exclusively in English so my progress in Thai has stalled.

I'm convinced that the 'problem' with many Thais is not proficiency, but confidence... I know my Thai is much better with people I'm comfortable with than with total strangers, but we farangs get lots of positive reinforcement when we try out our bad Thai. Thais don't get the same reinforcement when they try to struggle through with their English so they are more self-concious about it.

Kudos to your GF She is a learner and good on her.

[Thai at Heart]

I slap my missus on the forehead with my penis every time she does not understand me.

Her English skills are improving.

And I thought that was only me. Rflmao.

[kannot]

My Wife can talk to me for 15 minutes and at the end I havent the foggiest what the H*ll she is on about.

Usually the conversation will start buy her forgetting the subject ie "he will come Friday and fix it maybe finish at 2, price dont know"

Nod and smile....works every time

[Seastallion]

this was the question:

How long did it take to communicate effectively with your Thai partner?

It took me 1 hour to "communicate"her in my bed.

Could have been 5 minutes less or more.

What a man! You ARE da man. I wish I could be as manly and handsome as you, and pull a new one every night.

Everyone's a hansum man here and you don't need to 'pull one' every night, they'll pull you.

Thanks Sea-"stallion " ,for answering the stupid question of the jealous-moron .

He forgot what joking is ,probably too much cheap charly Chang beer ?

? Did you just call yourself a jealous-moron? Yes, it appears you did because I only answered you. Ok...if the shoe fits!

[bigehitewarrior]

My GF speaks good English and we speak about everything ..yes we have little fall outs ..but it's the making up that keeps the fires burning

Sent from my SM-N9005 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[nithisa78]

No time at all. We never allowed language to be an issue. The calling to be married and share our lives supercedes any other petty creations. The heart and eyes do the real talking. Actions speak louder than words. Helps the love grow and remain in balance. Discretion towards inappropriate emotional setbacks. If they occur they are gone quickly. We keep our eyes on the prize...each other. Respect our differences.

Edited March 29, 2014 by nithisa78

[laislica]

I slap my missus on the forehead with my penis every time she does not understand me.

Her English skills are improving.

Bit embarrassing in the middle of the restaurant when ordering a steak though I should think.

Actually, I would love to see the reaction he would get from his partner and her family members if he said that to her face!

It is very disrespectful and disgusting.

The sort of gutter humour that would be used by DILLIGAF (Kevin B Wilson) himself.

I am partial to a spot of that type of humour too but, for goodness sake, in the right time and place please.

Time to get back to the OP?

[bigehitewarrior]

My GF speaks good English and we speak about everything ..yes we have little fall outs ..but it's the making up that keeps the fires burning

Sent from my SM-N9005 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

Wrong icon

Sent from my SM-N9005 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[nithisa78]

Basic communication is one thing, learning how to discuss issues, and break down problems and find solutions is quite another. Most Thai people will be ANYTHING to avoid looking inside. Introspection is simply not part of their culture. It may force them to take responsibility, say they are sorry, or even worse, admit they are part of the problem! So, within a year or so, I simply told her if she wanted to continue avoiding communication about real issues, I was going to leave. The relationship was not going to work if we could not solve our problems like adults do. She was motivated enough, and as painful as it was, she began to respond to my need to communicate on a deeper level. So, far it has worked. But, you have to make them aware that this is a make or break kind of area of the relationship. Most will avoid confrontation, deeper communication, or accepting blame for problems or issues. The whole concept of "face" is a tremendous form of cultural weakness, and cowardice, that allows them to avoid any introspection. It is a boil on the face of Asia, and prevents personal and spiritual growth.

You speak for yourself. Not the face of Asia.

[Thai at Heart]

No time at all. We never allowed language to be an issue. The calling to be married and share our lives supercedes any other petty creations. The heart and eyes do the real talking. Actions speak louder than words. Helps the love grow and remain in balance. Discretion towards inappropriate emotional setbacks. If they occur they are gone quickly. We keep our eyes on the prize...each other. Respect our differences.

Move over Mills and Boon.. Strewth.

[Donnie Brasco]

Basic communication is one thing, learning how to discuss issues, and break down problems and find solutions is quite another. Most Thai people will be ANYTHING to avoid looking inside. Introspection is simply not part of their culture. It may force them to take responsibility, say they are sorry, or even worse, admit they are part of the problem! So, within a year or so, I simply told her if she wanted to continue avoiding communication about real issues, I was going to leave. The relationship was not going to work if we could not solve our problems like adults do. She was motivated enough, and as painful as it was, she began to respond to my need to communicate on a deeper level. So, far it has worked. But, you have to make them aware that this is a make or break kind of area of the relationship. Most will avoid confrontation, deeper communication, or accepting blame for problems or issues. The whole concept of "face" is a tremendous form of cultural weakness, and cowardice, that allows them to avoid any introspection. It is a boil on the face of Asia, and prevents personal and spiritual growth.

It's like a space walk for them.

"Sometimes, 'fuggedabowdit' just means fuggedabowdit. . . . "

[gandalf12]

We, foreigners, have to understand and make allowances from the point of view that because we speak, read and write English not everyone in the world does. Most Thai's unless they go to a private school do not learn a lot of English during their student years.

Look at it from the opposite side, how much Thai does the average foreigner in Thailand speak? I would guess very little.

Take it slow, and I admit I am sometimes the worst offender of that, and you generally find that a Thai can understand you. Fortunately for me my wife speaks good English and can spell words most English people would find difficulty with.

Take it slow and use short sentences and you should be fine

[chiang mai]

So I said to her this morning over breakfast, just for the sake of conversation:

I see from the UK press that two women in the UK have caught TB from a cat.

Blank stare.

Do you understand?

Not really.

OK, two women in England have caught TB from a domestic cat, you know TB, Tuberculosis, the disease you got tested for when you got your visa?

Blank stare.

Understand?

No, what means "cat"?

You know what a cat is, it's a domestic pet, cat, dog, meow?

Blank stare.

What is your problem today?

How can a cat sell a TV to two farang women?

Huh?

I hear, two farang women in the UK have bought a TV from a cat!

She laughs heartily when she realizes what's really been said, I consider trying to drown her in my cereal but decide against it!

We've been together for over ten years so in answer to the OP, at least ten years and still working on it!

Edited March 29, 2014 by chiang mai

[sirchai]

You should get the Pulitzer from TVF for your threads:

How long did it take to communicate effectively with your Thai partner?

Where's the cooking oil darling?.......

She want's a motorbike for her birthday but has no licence.....

Inexpensive original ideas for family days out in Bangkok?

[sirchai]

So I said to her this morning over breakfast, just for the sake of conversation:

I see from the UK press that two women in the UK have caught TB from a cat.

Blank stare.

Do you understand?

Not really.

OK, two women in England have caught TB from a domestic cat, you know TB, Tuberculosis, the disease you got tested for when you got your visa?

Blank stare.

Understand?

No, what means "cat"?

You know what a cat is, it's a domestic pet, cat, dog, meow?

Blank stare.

What is your problem today?

How can a cat sell a TV to two farang women?

Huh?

I hear, two farang women in the UK have bought a TV from a cat!

She laughs heartily when she realizes what's really been said, I consider trying to drown her in my cereal but decide against it!

We've been together for over ten years so in answer to the OP, at least ten years and still working on it!

That's indeed a funny one. Well, it took me only eleven years or so to find out that my wife sometimes doesn't really understand me. I found that out through our son, who's got a better grip in English than my wife.

Of course would the lose face if they'd say that they didn't get it.

But I'd consider that one of the most difficult questions, as cats usually don't sell TV's to farang woman. God, I love it.-

Edited March 29, 2014 by sirchai

[Dannyboy6]

I slap my missus on the forehead with my penis every time she does not understand me.

Her English skills are improving.

. I did that with ex GF, and she was so insulted, Cannot Touch Head...

[Gulfsailor]

My gf speaks English fluently and does all she can to stop me from improving my Thai. She claims it will be bad for my health if I can better explain to the locals how I feel about them at certain times...

[laislica]

So I said to her this morning over breakfast, just for the sake of conversation:

I see from the UK press that two women in the UK have caught TB from a cat.

Blank stare.

Do you understand?

Not really.

OK, two women in England have caught TB from a domestic cat, you know TB, Tuberculosis, the disease you got tested for when you got your visa?

Blank stare.

Understand?

No, what means "cat"?

You know what a cat is, it's a domestic pet, cat, dog, meow?

Blank stare.

What is your problem today?

How can a cat sell a TV to two farang women?

Huh?

I hear, two farang women in the UK have bought a TV from a cat!

She laughs heartily when she realizes what's really been said, I consider trying to drown her in my cereal but decide against it!

We've been together for over ten years so in answer to the OP, at least ten years and still working on it!

What a great example.

So I tried the same story on my wife and bless her, she understood and that made me happy cos:

Her schooling stopped at age 12! She is self taught and learned from people for whom English was not their first language.

My schooling stopped at 15! I did technical night school until 23 though.

[belg]

if you get an educated wife , that had an english major or minor, communication is 100% from day one ... mine even learned my 2 home countries national languages on top if it

[transam]

OP, I will let you know when that miraculous occasion occurs...............

[chiang mai]

if you get an educated wife , that had an english major or minor, communication is 100% from day one ... mine even learned my 2 home countries national languages on top if it

Is she Thai/Chinese?