I Need Some Advice, Please!

[jdinasia]

names are long ... words are for thee most part very short ... often monosyllabic .... just wait till you start reading and writing .... therearenospacesbetweenthewordsatall!

[DUMPSTER]

i do need to learn thai, thats a given.

I've been here nearly 5 years now and I know very little Thai. So I wouldn't say it is necessary, though I do agree it could make your life slightly easier if you go of the beaten track. In any city or big town, I would say, you don't need to know Thai. I work and run a business here but I do have a well educated b/f to do the talking with Thais

[toptuan]

i know it's a drastic change from living in a small midwestern town in the usa, but how does one really know a city until he moves there.

Down the road, if Bangkok doesn't agree with you, and your b/f is willing to relocate, consider upcountry. Here in Isaan (NE Thailand), small town/country living is a dead ringer for the American mid-west. Same down-home values, human warmth, and laid-back life style. You'd love it.

Also, there are universities up there that would latch onto you right away with your background, and soon-to-be-earned teaching certificate. University salaries are about 1/3 less than Bangkok, but expenses are 1/4-1/3 the cost of Bangkok, too. (That adds up to raise from BKK economic conditions!)

Feel free to PM me if you ever get around to visiting up here and want to check out the opportunities. Would be happy to host you and your Thai partner for a few days.

[HB2010]

i know it's a drastic change from living in a small midwestern town in the usa, but how does one really know a city until he moves there.

Down the road, if Bangkok doesn't agree with you, and your b/f is willing to relocate, consider upcountry. Here in Isaan (NE Thailand), small town/country living is a dead ringer for the American mid-west. Same down-home values, human warmth, and laid-back life style. You'd love it.

Also, there are universities up there that would latch onto you right away with your background, and soon-to-be-earned teaching certificate. University salaries are about 1/3 less than Bangkok, but expenses are 1/4-1/3 the cost of Bangkok, too. (That adds up to raise from BKK economic conditions!)

Feel free to PM me if you ever get around to visiting up here and want to check out the opportunities. Would be happy to host you and your Thai partner for a few days.

thanks toptuan for the invitation. we just might take you up on that. so far, we've been to only krabi and in january we'll spend a few days checking out phuket. i want to explore all of thailand after i get settled in. isaan sounds great. how's the weather there? thanks again for your comment. take care. ps: the pm thing, thats difficult when we have a 11 hour time difference, but i'll try. thanks.

[toptuan]

Weather? My opinion: Phuket-warm, Isaan-Hot, Bangkok-hotter/muggier.

PM (private messaging) is a feature here on ThaiVisa.com. Just click the "PM" in the lower left of a post, and it'll open up the feature. It's just like email, therefore giving the correspondents more privacy. Great for making further arrangements when you don't want to bore the whole forum with the details. The message will just sit in my box until I pick it up.

I don't know your timetable for leaving/traveling (sounds like you're ramping up soon?), so I'll PM my regular email to you, which I check many times a day.

Take care and good luck.

[jdinasia]

i do need to learn thai, thats a given.

I've been here nearly 5 years now and I know very little Thai. So I wouldn't say it is necessary, though I do agree it could make your life slightly easier if you go of the beaten track. In any city or big town, I would say, you don't need to know Thai. I work and run a business here but I do have a well educated b/f to do the talking with Thais

It is not absolutely necessary to learn Thai ... but it will ABSOLUTELY change your life here in Thailand if you do. I have friends that have been here dor 2 decades and speak almost no Thai or only use middle tone which means they really don't speak Thai at all. They do nicely .. but they pay more for everything .. cannot get to new places .. and certainly know almost nothing of the real gay scene in Thailand. The overall amount of English skill outside of tourist areas in Thailand is very low and the fun places are often far off the tourist track ... particularly the afterhours places etc. That includes getting around to see new and cool places that are used by Thai tourists but not by foriegn tourists.

An example os paying more ... should you go to Kanchanaburi and want to go up to Erawan National Park ... you are gonna spend a lot <relatively> for a tour .... but if you speak Thai you can find the local bus <non-ac> that goes there for 26 baht

[HB2010]

i want to thank all of you who have responded to this posting. all of you have given me good advice and for that, i thank you!

regards!

[HB2010]

my b/f wants to take me to eastern thailand this december to explore that part of the country. cities named: chon buri, rayong, chantaburi, trat. i know this doesn't pertain to my original posting, but has anyone been to these cities? is it very rural? would there be any teaching opportunities? any comments? thanks!

[DUMPSTER]

my b/f wants to take me to eastern thailand this december to explore that part of the country. cities named: chon buri, rayong, chantaburi, trat. i know this doesn't pertain to my original posting, but has anyone been to these cities? is it very rural? would there be any teaching opportunities? any comments? thanks!

I live in Chonburi and there was a thread about gay life in Chonburi a month or so ago. It's in between Pattaya and Bangkok, around 1 hour either way. There are plenty of teaching opportunities out this way. Lots of factories, schools and language centers. Work will not be difficult to find and depending on where you choose to live, life could be quite nice for you. Well I like it here and for me it beats Bangkok, where I lived for 2 years. I'm not sure about teaching opportunities in Chantaburi or Trat but you could always do a regional search on a well known teaching jobs board

[HB2010]

hello,

first let me say, i'm from the usa and traveled to thailand twice in 2 years. late last year i met a young thai via the gay.com site. chatted for months before we met in january of this year. side note here, the first time we chatted on gay.com, not 1 thing was mentioned about sex or how big is your cock! okay, we spent 2 fantastic weeks together. laughing, talking, kidding, tickling, swimming, dancing, eating and of course, making love ( no sex, just making love, big difference!) i'm coming back this december for 3 weeks. i love this guy. and he loves me. i also like ( not in love though) thailand. i have the financial opportunity to move there. i'll get a job, but i can afford to make the move. my question, am i moving for the "Right" reason(s)?? i feel afterall, you only live once, so make the best of it!

i'd appreciate any response. thank you!

yesterday i had a basket of flowers and a cute teddy bear delivered to my boyfriends office. he couldn't believe someone could do this. he thought the name for the gift was someone else's name. no one had ever sent him flowers. he was so surprised and started crying when he read my attached note. i thought most thai's usually don't show graditude, but this one does! lots of thank you notes and phone calls! :-)

[Ijustwannateach]

Thanks for keeping us posted; your guy sounds better and better.

[pukkagent]

Gabriel,

Certain Thais can be expert at maximizing the differences between appearance and reality, when they want to be- especially when their "victims" are willing participants. There is a large corps of Thai guys, gay *and* straight- who know very well about Internet chatting, tourist hangouts in Thailand, and the foreign gay scene- who basically live off the foreign gay community.

That doesn't mean they don't like foreigners, or don't like sex, or don't like you. They may very well like or even love you. However, this is still a Victorian-style culture and money is at least as important as love as a concern in many relationships.

What other posters have hinted less bluntly is that it could be suspicious that your young Thai friend has two weeks free simply to run off and frolic with you. You need to worry about how he gets his living, unless you are willing to provide that living (probably at a high income level)- and if you are, then your eyes are wide open and good for you. Otherwise you may be in for some very nasty surprises when you move here. The relatively high income and standard of living you enjoy as a tourist may not translate into a satisfactory arrangement for you or your Thai friend when you are a resident and working here.

How did he learn his English? Was he raised in a fairly wealthy style to begin with, or not? If not, there is a certain suspicious element to his fluency- in other words, most persons with such high English ability are either relatively wealthy, or have had a *lot* of contact (of some sort) with English-speaking foreigners.

Is he willing to introduce you to his family or other friends? Reticence in this regard may be a sign of a double life in more than one way.

Nearly every foreigner arriving in Thailand has endured at least one (and usually more) encounter with gold-diggers, stealth prostitutes, and other parasites. Learning to identify and avoid them is only the first step in intercultural dating- *then* you have to learn the tricks and pitfalls of dealing with the "real" Thai gays. Fortunately, there are fringe benefits and other joys to be reaped in the process- but it is easy to get a broken heart and wise to be careful in what you do. "Caution to the wind" does not result in many happy endings here.

I advise you read many of the threads in this subforum and gather as much information as you can before making any firm decisions. I concur with other posters' advice for you to arrange a longer-term holiday here before jumping- preferably one which involves staying in the city and living a normal day-to-day life with your young man, and not going on any exotic tours. That might provide you with a better picture of the ways things will be when you are here.

"Steven"

I really liked Stevens post. Really level headed! Whatever you choose to do, I hope you turn out happy in the end. We're never ever sure of someones true intentions - home or away, and it's true that over here money is a lot different in comparison to the USA and the UK where I am from. People treat me like I'm a Hilton or something. That's the only way I can describe to myself, how people could justify in fleecing me in the most weird circumstances, like charging me twice as much for a service I know costs something, because ther is a Thai sign above the desk, or something like that. People are just like that over here sometimes, but there are great Thai people, just like there are Americans that are nice, and some that aren't! Some would say like Bush... jking!

I really liked how Steven described it as Victorian over here. It really is an age away here. Kids earn less as they grow older, because that's the type of backbreaking work they do - and people still send money home to their parents, even if they don't live there. I just find it really odd that most of the 20 odd year olds in Thailand, who're working office jobs, and living a normal equivalent to what I did in England - are sending a sizable part of their income home to support their parents and still have to make it in places like Pattaya, Bangkok,tec.

I've been here nearly 3/4 months, and even if your boyfriend turned out to be kosher, you might not like it over here for a number of other reasons. Like I ordered ADSL Internet, and I speak reasonable Thai, and even write a little now, but they installed UBC Satellite TV, and they didn't apologise, and I've handed so much money over for nothing so far - it can be frustrating if you don't love it here.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Some people say you have to grab happiness whenever and wherever you can. Some people say fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Personally, my experience, I'd be cautious, but whenever you start a new relationship, you put your heart on the line really don't you?

Thailand is amazing when it is all right, and works out. It takes time, and you have to really want it. It's not this beautiful in the UK, and the weather and climate agree with me. I eat healthier out here, and I am not partying all the time like I was in London. I'm actually spending time with my partner, and we're a lot closer. I have my moments, and I am a bit bored, because I don't have any English people to bounce off, so my level of communication rests on how willing I am to make an effort with my Thai - but my partner won't learn any Thai, and I speak a lot more than him. He is English, my parnter. I lost my dad last year, and he lost his mam and dad within the space of a year. A lots happened, and it's nice being out here for the change of pace.

I've definitely introspected a lot and learned more about myself from being here, and it was an off the cuff decision to make, moving here.

Your gut will tell you how you're feeling, but I think you'd probably not do bad to look into Thai culture, and spend more time here before a move. It's really an education in the University of Life. Reading this website is a good place to start. I'd just get as much information as I could from him about his life, and what he is and who he is. Read between the lines. I know this sounds really bad, but I wouldn't live with a Thai person, or any nationality of person, unless I had seen their passports, and other ID - and even then I'd want a copy. I have a copy of my partners. what if something happened to him? What if it turned out the SOB was really some two bit thief. They ask for obvious money boys, and other 'guests' to give ID at receptions in hotels in Thailand when you bring them back. They do it so they can't screw you over. I'd want to know everything about them. I've literally been robbed in my own home, by people I was living with when I was in England, and I had little proof to go on in the aftermath. I had my passport stolen, money, clothes. I know it's nothing, and I am only 21, but it really taught me a valuable lesson.

My good friend from home was living with a nice lad, who it turned out had a gambling problem, and had been stealing from him on his credit cards. Living with him meant that this lad had been hiding the statements. Another friend of mine, a girl, let some lad live with her who she'd known a few months, who she's known for years through friends. He ripped her off for 10 thousand pounds. He didn't have a job, and was round her house all day when she was out, so he even stole from her neighbours. She'll live, but it ruined her financially.

Living with someone is just so personal, after hearing what i have from other people, I don't invite anyone into my home unless I trust them, and even then, it's all under lock and key, no cash in the house, etc. Unless you know him, his name and surname, and you know you have some security, I'd be really wary. I'd even see a solicitor to find out your rights to be honest. I'm that cynical. A foreign national can't even own land in Thailand I don't think. They're happy to take your money over here, but they're definitely anti=foreign in some ways.

A man in Thailand, I can't remember if he was US, English or Aussie, but he was farang, married a Thai girl with a huge gambling problem. He divorced her, and she got a settlement, but when he came back to the country to visit his kid, her family and friends collaberated in killing him, and scattering his charred remains over the Burmese border. I have the article somewhere... I can print it on here if you like. It didn't say anything about what he was like as a person, or her, but all I know is that he'd interrupted them having whiskey apparently... The only reason they got convicted was because HIS family hired a PI, and they tracked her phone with GPS as being at the scene, or his being in her place at the time of his dissaperence.

I know this doesn't happen every day, but I'm sure that things were great in the beginning for him as well...

Someone stole my puppy, who's just over 2.5 months old, along with three other puppies from his mothers breast. That happened 2 days ago. He was probably stolen for the £20 he's worth, and it's someone that's been hanging around my house, or where I go - or probably someone I know, because he went missing with the other ones. I know it's petty, but it's pretty despreate stealing puppies, and the amount of money we're talking about breaks my heart, because it's nothing to me - but to Thai's it's a lot of money. It's not about the money for me at all. I can't value the dog I cared for from before birth to now.

I miss my puppy, god I'm depressed now.

Thailand is amazing though. I love it at the moment, and am really happy. I got a nice little bungalow. Moving here i got fleeced at first, but now i'm in the swing of things. I'd probably have avoided a lot of it if I'd just searched around the web more. Starting by talking to people is a goo dplace to start!

Hope you find what you're looking for. I'll have to read the other messages, because I skimmed them. I only read your first one properly, and the few after!

[pukkagent]

i do need to learn thai, thats a given.

I've been here nearly 5 years now and I know very little Thai. So I wouldn't say it is necessary, though I do agree it could make your life slightly easier if you go of the beaten track. In any city or big town, I would say, you don't need to know Thai. I work and run a business here but I do have a well educated b/f to do the talking with Thais

I love speaking the language! You don't have to speak the language to get on in Thailand, but it definitely helps a little. I'm more Khon Thai in the eyes of the locals because I speak the language, but you don't have to worry when you have a Thai boyfriend, that which I do not have!

[PeaceBlondie]

Even when you have a Thai boyfriend whom you trust completely, as I do, you still miss out on a lot. I just got back from a job hunt to two nearby places, and never made contact with the employers because I just couldn't find the **** places. I feel silly sometimes, like yesterday at the drivers license office, when I had to ask b/f to help answer the simplest question.

But I seriously still doubt that I'll ever learn Thai. Or eat 98% of Thai food. So, I know I'll always be farang. But, I still love it here.

[Espada]

hello,

first let me say, i'm from the usa and traveled to thailand twice in 2 years. late last year i met a young thai via the gay.com site. chatted for months before we met in january of this year. side note here, the first time we chatted on gay.com, not 1 thing was mentioned about sex or how big is your cock! okay, we spent 2 fantastic weeks together. laughing, talking, kidding, tickling, swimming, dancing, eating and of course, making love ( no sex, just making love, big difference!) i'm coming back this december for 3 weeks. i love this guy. and he loves me. i also like ( not in love though) thailand. i have the financial opportunity to move there. i'll get a job, but i can afford to make the move. my question, am i moving for the "Right" reason(s)?? i feel afterall, you only live once, so make the best of it!

i'd appreciate any response. thank you!

i'm glad that we have another sweet gay people in this stink world. sorry, if i'm act rude. first i'm Thail and i would you like to share. warning: when you going on a date with guy(everything seem to be perfect, no no no i really mean by that) because people will show very respectful, kind, love, romantic (on and on and on etc.) so... you better do serious as ; open mind talk (if you don't you will regret later, trust me) then if you really follow your heart by left everything behind this is the possible thing will happend to you

step 1 : relationship testing (3 months in hel_l and heaven) jealous, madness, anger, sad, wild love etc. if you pass your relationship will get stronger but if you lose. no way to turn back because you already made you decision.

step 2: one love only (no Gig "slang in Thai mean affairs) no matter what happend go back to "Open mind talk" again the more often the more longer relationship can go.

step 3:after 3 months from step 1 you will be very comfortable with your man (i'm not warranty but i'm telling you by experience).

am i too serious? as you said, one live to live. follow you heart. good luck to you.

[HB2010]

hello,

first let me say, i'm from the usa and traveled to thailand twice in 2 years. late last year i met a young thai via the gay.com site. chatted for months before we met in january of this year. side note here, the first time we chatted on gay.com, not 1 thing was mentioned about sex or how big is your cock! okay, we spent 2 fantastic weeks together. laughing, talking, kidding, tickling, swimming, dancing, eating and of course, making love ( no sex, just making love, big difference!) i'm coming back this december for 3 weeks. i love this guy. and he loves me. i also like ( not in love though) thailand. i have the financial opportunity to move there. i'll get a job, but i can afford to make the move. my question, am i moving for the "Right" reason(s)?? i feel afterall, you only live once, so make the best of it!

i'd appreciate any response. thank you!

i'm glad that we have another sweet gay people in this stink world. sorry, if i'm act rude. first i'm Thail and i would you like to share. warning: when you going on a date with guy(everything seem to be perfect, no no no i really mean by that) because people will show very respectful, kind, love, romantic (on and on and on etc.) so... you better do serious as ; open mind talk (if you don't you will regret later, trust me) then if you really follow your heart by left everything behind this is the possible thing will happend to you

step 1 : relationship testing (3 months in hel_l and heaven) jealous, madness, anger, sad, wild love etc. if you pass your relationship will get stronger but if you lose. no way to turn back because you already made you decision.

step 2: one love only (no Gig "slang in Thai mean affairs) no matter what happend go back to "Open mind talk" again the more often the more longer relationship can go.

step 3:after 3 months from step 1 you will be very comfortable with your man (i'm not warranty but i'm telling you by experience).

am i too serious? as you said, one live to live. follow you heart. good luck to you.

i want to thank you, espada and others again for all your advice. believe me, i've read and reread everything that's been written here. this relationship i'm in, even though its long distance now, has a long ways to go. you really don't know a person until you live with him or her. i know that. i've been in 3 relationships, the last one lasted 15 years. but, this one is different. this one is from another culture and country. yes, i'm cautious, who wouldn't be! we have agreed that the most important thing WE can do to make this relationship work, is communicate. communicate, communicate. as far as being monogamous, thats a given and been discussed and discussed. espada, your not being too serious, np. and your right, i have to follow my heart. if i get hurt, so be it, i'm a big boy and life goes on. but i have to try......i don't want to look back 10 years from now and say i should have done this or that. thats no way to live. once again, thank you for your kind words!

[popshirt]

quote

we have agreed that the most important thing WE can do to make this relationship work, is communicate. communicate, communicate.

end quote

well good luck to you ........ that is Western thinking (wishful thinking?) ....... you may learn about the condition known as "TS" -- Thai Silence. That is a challenge!

[Espada]

quote

we have agreed that the most important thing WE can do to make this relationship work, is communicate. communicate, communicate.

end quote

well good luck to you ........ that is Western thinking (wishful thinking?) ....... you may learn about the condition known as "TS" -- Thai Silence. That is a challenge!

Absolutely Right!!! :D but Thai Silence doesn't mean "don't bother me" but they may thinking what to say or do. be patient. you can love him as much as you can do but human nature will keep small private space for themself too. they may want to do think alone. whaterver, communicate is still great to carry on relationship. think like this "love him as much as you love yourself, be a giver and taker not only taker or only giver"

did you sick of my comment? i'm sound like my granma.

[HB2010]

quote

we have agreed that the most important thing WE can do to make this relationship work, is communicate. communicate, communicate.

end quote

well good luck to you ........ that is Western thinking (wishful thinking?) ....... you may learn about the condition known as "TS" -- Thai Silence. That is a challenge!

Absolutely Right!!! :D but Thai Silence doesn't mean "don't bother me" but they may thinking what to say or do. be patient. you can love him as much as you can do but human nature will keep small private space for themself too. they may want to do think alone. whaterver, communicate is still great to carry on relationship. think like this "love him as much as you love yourself, be a giver and taker not only taker or only giver"

did you sick of my comment? i'm sound like my granma.

thanks grandma espada for your comments!! :-) never sick of anyone's constructive comments. much appreciated. i know about "TS". i've already experienced it from my bf. i think alot of TS has to do with him trying to understand my english, plus i talk really fast so i need to be patient. he puts his hand on my face, turns my head so we look into each ohers eyes and asks me to repeat or talk slowly. hey, i'll do the same to him when i begin to learn to speak thai. thanks again for your comments! :-)

[boybrat]

quote

we have agreed that the most important thing WE can do to make this relationship work, is communicate. communicate, communicate.

end quote

well good luck to you ........ that is Western thinking (wishful thinking?) ....... you may learn about the condition known as "TS" -- Thai Silence. That is a challenge!

Absolutely Right!!! :D but Thai Silence doesn't mean "don't bother me" but they may thinking what to say or do. be patient. you can love him as much as you can do but human nature will keep small private space for themself too. they may want to do think alone. whaterver, communicate is still great to carry on relationship. think like this "love him as much as you love yourself, be a giver and taker not only taker or only giver"

did you sick of my comment? i'm sound like my granma.

thanks grandma espada for your comments!! :-) never sick of anyone's constructive comments. much appreciated. i know about "TS". i've already experienced it from my bf. i think alot of TS has to do with him trying to understand my english, plus i talk really fast so i need to be patient. he puts his hand on my face, turns my head so we look into each ohers eyes and asks me to repeat or talk slowly. hey, i'll do the same to him when i begin to learn to speak thai. thanks again for your comments! :-)

thai silence is bullcrap. its a case of "face" the japanese call it "ishin deshin" ( i think)

actually thai guys are almost never silent from what i know. put them together and the stories, gossips and stuff fly fast and furious.

thai guys who cant speak english well are silent in front of farangs cos its a case of "face". they dont want to be caught doing something silly and saying something stupid and be chortled at as they dont want to "lose face". the "face" thingy is an asian thingy. and as an asian guy, i understand its concept perfectly.

[Espada]

quote

we have agreed that the most important thing WE can do to make this relationship work, is communicate. communicate, communicate.

end quote

well good luck to you ........ that is Western thinking (wishful thinking?) ....... you may learn about the condition known as "TS" -- Thai Silence. That is a challenge!

Absolutely Right!!! :D but Thai Silence doesn't mean "don't bother me" but they may thinking what to say or do. be patient. you can love him as much as you can do but human nature will keep small private space for themself too. they may want to do think alone. whaterver, communicate is still great to carry on relationship. think like this "love him as much as you love yourself, be a giver and taker not only taker or only giver"

did you sick of my comment? i'm sound like my granma.

thanks grandma espada for your comments!! :-) never sick of anyone's constructive comments. much appreciated. i know about "TS". i've already experienced it from my bf. i think alot of TS has to do with him trying to understand my english, plus i talk really fast so i need to be patient. he puts his hand on my face, turns my head so we look into each ohers eyes and asks me to repeat or talk slowly. hey, i'll do the same to him when i begin to learn to speak thai. thanks again for your comments! :-)

thai silence is bullcrap. its a case of "face" the japanese call it "ishin deshin" ( i think)

actually thai guys are almost never silent from what i know. put them together and the stories, gossips and stuff fly fast and furious.

thai guys who cant speak english well are silent in front of farangs cos its a case of "face". they dont want to be caught doing something silly and saying something stupid and be chortled at as they dont want to "lose face". the "face" thingy is an asian thingy. and as an asian guy, i understand its concept perfectly.

so... how you feel when you losing face? huh... hurt doesn't it! we call "DIGNITY" TG can be show anytime. to cut conversation just ignore or don't bother me is the same. Ohhhhhh... did i heard somethin' follow my back?

Edited August 18, 2006 by Espada

[popshirt]

Check out the postings about "Thai Silence" in the General Topics section of TV and you will find that it has nothing to do with language ability and everything to do with saving face. Some of the postings are very insightful, others hilarious, and some are sad. One farang wrote that he and his Thai wife "never tell the truth to each other' and "never admit they are angry". This may be a facetious statement, but maybe not either. Westerners, like me, are not well equipped to deal with a Thai who withdraws, seems upset, but denies being upset. It does affect the relationship. And also the event where a Thai will not reveal the truth because it is unpleasant. I know this is cultural and I am not making a judgment, only noting that "communicate" is not easily accomplished in these instances.

[boybrat]

sigh. used to be very naive and sweet and used to be so bloody worried about how others feel. used to try my best things to do things in such a way that nobody is embarrassed and sweep everything under the carpet and pretend everything is ok.yes! i was a typical sweet doe eyed asian boy! my first farang ex still says that he misses the boy he once knew. well ###### that.

in my late teens , i used to endure the gropings of guys i didnt find attractive cos i didnt dare to tell them to piss off cos i couldnt bear to embarrass them. can you imagine???!!!

as i get older, i dont give a flying ###### anymore. ive learnt to say what i feel, and do what i want to do. silence will solve nothing. but yes, the truth hurts.

one guy asked me once why i turned down his dinner date and so i told him (nicely) i dont date fat guys. hey. the truth hurts but its better than keeping silent. we're still friendly to each other now btw.

the asian silence thingy? it has lots to do with language ability. when i wasnt able to speak/ communicate effectively in english yonks ago, i had so much to say but i didnt know how to say em. and i was wayyyyy too scared to say the wrong things. my folks could barely speak the language but they invested lots in my education tho we were not rich and i thank them for that.

######, when i was kid, i stayed in a village with chicken and goats in the backyard! my grandad had durian, mango and jackfruit trees around this little wooden house with a corrugated tin roof that leaked when it rained. darn. im getting nostalgic. but thats another story.heh!

[jdinasia]

Here's to hoping BB starts to understand some more about Thai guys ... and that there might be some honor in NOT sleeping with other people's BF's

[-jr-]

I believe there are lots of reason when someone (Thai) became quiet.

Sure, some do because they were afraid they would make a mistake, the same way that Germans are not keen on speaking English even though they could. At least (most) Thais doesn't react with temper, which I think it's much worse than being quiet. It's not about the language proficiency, it's just degree of shyness. There are people who are not good in English but they could keep on talking all the time because they know not to afraid to make mistakes.

I used to have what BB called 'naive and sweet' kind of shyness before as well. I didn't want to upset the other people, so sometimes I went out with some guys I was not attracted to, just because I didn't know how to refuse them without upsetting them. It was just last year that I started speaking it out frankly once I'm sure it's not gonna work. Part of the reason was because I realized that some guys had been taking advantage, knowing that I was too polite (a.k.a. naive) to deny them. No matter how many hints I had given them, they kept on asking to meet again and again. Finally, I had enough of it, so I just said it bluntly (but not rudely) that I was not attracted to them and didn't feel like to hang out with them again. Now I only date the guys I'd like to date with, less stress and much better. That was my story.

There are still times that I am uncommunicative. Such as when being in front of strangers, when I didn't have enough sleep and when I'm too tired to talk. But I think those reasons have nothing to do with being Thai. Other than that, I could keep the conversation going most of the time (in Thai and English, I can participate only a bit in German).

My point is that there are many reason for someone to be quiet. It could also be that he was too bored, he was too polite to hurt your feeling, you're still a stranger to him, he had a bad day and don't want to take it out on innocent people (you), he was angry and need time to think it through instead of blurt it out right away, or just that he dozed off and etc. Don't just imply that it always be the language problem.

About Gabriel's guy, from what you mentioned, seems that it's only the language problem. You're very lucky that he told you right away what the problem was (in a mushy, cutesy way but nice). I think you've got a good catch. I wish you both great times together in Thailand.

//JR

PS. Seems that there're lots of Thais here (including me) in Expat forum, I hope you guys don't mind that.

Edited August 24, 2006 by -jr-

[Guest endure]

PS. Seems that there're lots of Thais here (including me) in Expat forum, I hope you guys don't mind that.

Not only don't we not mind it, we'd love to have as many Thais as want to speak to us in here. We really DO want all you Thai guys to talk to us and say what you think. It's sometimes difficult to for farang and Thai to understand each other but the best thing to do is to keep talking.

Chok dee khon thai

[Espada]

PS. Seems that there're lots of Thais here (including me) in Expat forum, I hope you guys don't mind that.

Not only don't we not mind it, we'd love to have as many Thais as want to speak to us in here. We really DO want all you Thai guys to talk to us and say what you think. It's sometimes difficult to for farang and Thai to understand each other but the best thing to do is to keep talking.

Chok dee khon thai

Hola,

Have not come check this topic for many day. Right, keep talking, sharing that very good thing to do. Hey, i'm fighting with gay.com now. too many good looking farang. i'm melting need helppppppppp

Chok Dee Farangs

Edited August 25, 2006 by Espada

[DUMPSTER]

PS. Seems that there're lots of Thais here (including me) in Expat forum, I hope you guys don't mind that.

As long as they are as well written as yours then the more the merrier. Some of the Europeans posting on here are well below your standard and it is often difficult to understand what they are trying to say

[boonkan]

Well, Gabriel, maybe you're much luckier than I thought! It does seem like you found a good 'un.

In that case the points that other posters have raised are the most important:

1. How will you survive here?

2. How will you arrange your visa?

3. How will you cope with daily Thai life?

In my case, I had a group of friends working here who could show me directly how it was to work and live here- so I didn't only have the "tourist's-eye-view." Bangkok city life is very different from tourist beach life, which is once again very different from rural village life- and all of them are different viewed through a 1000B-a-day-spending-money working lens as opposed to a 5000B-a-day-spending-money tourist lens, as an example...

IF YOU REALLY WANT TO STAY HERE, You can!!

I have been here for four years soon, because of my thaiboyfriend, I had same all the time, I WAS LUCKY!!!

[Trouble]

Hey guys, these are really some of the most informative posts I have seen on any forum in a long time. Good questions and good recommendations.

Gabriel, It appears you have a real gem there and I hope everything works out for you. Along with some of the others I can only tell you to read as much as you can about Thailand, Thai men, Thai culture vs Farang culture in relationships. I have been coming to Thailand for over 30 years and have seen many aspects of life in Thailand. I have had a number of long distance Thai bf's, many of which I am still in contact, many of which I am sorry to say have passed on. I have know my current bf for almost 2 years and I am hoping when I retire next year that he and I can see if we can make things work on a more permanent basis. We have made no commitment to staying together but have talked about it. I have hopes that we can have a decent relationship within the parameters that we set. For now we are just taking things a step at a time. I know that should we not make it we will still care for eachother and be friends. I think it is important that you become a friend to this guy as well as a lover. That may seem obvious but not everyone seems to be able to make that connection. Friends generally accept each other as they are. Lovers often see eachother only thru rose tinted glasses until the axe falls when they see the less desirable traits of their partners. It seems you are using caution and are headed in the right path.

As for Thailand, I enjoy it a great deal. But I also have learned many of the difficulties I will face living there and have consciously made the decision that I probably will need my reality checks with trips back to the USA frequently. Since I am retiring next year I will be fortunate in having lots of free time to do this. I will be afforded the opportunity to do some travel and spend time at home in Los Angeles where I have a house and in Honolulu where I have friends. I am a fairly active person so with retirement brings the need to find activities and I can't just vegetate in BKK. So this is something I will have to communicate with the bf. But then I think it is good to have breaks. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that stuff.

Let me address one other issue. Since I do not know your age or the age of your bf I want to say this about the older/younger relationship as I have been there (not just in Thailand). If this is not the case take it for what it's worth. No matter what you have agreed to as to whether your relationship will be monogamous or not. It is quite possible that a time will come when this may very well be an issue. I prefer a monogamous relationship but I know full well that in Thailand the opportunity for promiscuity seems well situated. It is not much different anywhere else but in BKK dam_n if it isn't in your face most of the time. Two things can happen after the honeymoon: (1) the younger guy is not getting enough and strays or the older guy sees so much young available meat out there he makes run for it trying to regain his youth. I am not here to say this happens to everyone but it is something that partners have to deal with whether at home or in Thailand. In Bangkok it is just so readily available that the temptations are greater. So my advise to you after you decide to take the plunge is that you get the nature of your relationship settled in that regard. Be up front about it. We all know it will be monogamous in the beginning but I guess here the point I am trying to make is that if the two of you can communicate you will be able to discuss the evolving of your relationship and if need be make adjustments to your original agreement. I guess to me I see the need to be realistic about this kind of thing. Thais have a word for this having affairs (gig/gik) and hopefully some of our Thai friends here can explain the nature of this more fully. I have heard it discribed by farangs but not necessarily defined by a Thai. Bacically affairs for sex while still loving another if I have it right. I would surely like to know how Thais view this type of thing. So you guys might help out here. I'm sure there is a cross section of opinions here. I have often seen Thai/Farang relationships where the younger Thai thinks it perfectely acceptable to play about but heaven forbid if the farang is doing so. But then too I have seen Thais break up with a farang for being the playboy so maybe it is not much different in Thailand than anywhere else. It may just be the circumstances involved. So I would appreciate some feedback on this from the Thai perspective.

Good luck to you as you move forward.