What's Her Motive?

[stevo]

I met a Thai girl about 1 yr ago while watching some live music. (at the time she owned a kareoke bar, working every day.) We stayed togther that night on for about a week, having a good time, laughing a lot, etc. She's the type of person who is the life of the party, lights up every room she walks into, everyone seems to like her, & want to know her.

Now she works 2 jobs in Krabi, which I have personally verified during a visit. ( I stay in Bangkok now) She is a hard worker, & a people pleaser.

Also, I just sent her a ticket to bangkok where she visited her family & daughter. I have helped her out a lot with her $ medical condition with her kidneys. Her father wants to pay me back, but I do not wish this.. She has been in the hospital about 3 times since I have known her because of her kidney infection.

Anyway, we seem to be a nice fit: personality, humor, talk everyday, but I just can't seem to let my gaurd down & trust that she is just into me & not looking at me as an investment. I'm a decent looking 30 year old guy, she's 28 years old, & she has always supported her daughter by herself becuase she had a cheater boyfriend.

She mentions that she would like to share a business with me in Bangkok, & also mentioned asked if I would sign papers for her to visit America. (She has travelled to Australia for work, & has been outside before) We are not "BF & GF" but seem to play that role anyway.

My question for the women is: How do you know what her motive really is? Is there some way anyone can recommend how to find this out? I don't want the nightmare of falling for somebody, only to find out they are someone else after you have put emotions, $, & time into the equation.

Any advice?

[sbk]

Short answer or long answer?

Short answer, you can't know, until she does or doesn't rip you off. I'd say, give it time before you do anything major with her, but also give her the chance to prove she is trustworthy (for example: let her father pay you back).

[Boo]

I agree with this. I understand why a lot of farang men feel they have to hold back on trusting a thai women when they meet one due to the stories that are bandied around (which IMO are mostly urban myths, yeah there are a few bad stories but a lot are just fiction).

But like every relationship, until you give your trust completly you wont ever know if she is worth trusting. Confusing or what.

Thats the thing with relationships, they either work or they don't & if they don't someone is always the loser.

If you can't open up then finish things with her, that way she can be free to meet someone who will trust her.

[britmaveric]

You won't really know until you try, relationships are always gambles, hopefully this one pays off. I'd just take things slowly and don't get over your head especially with business ideas from this thai lady.

[monochaser]

I advise reading the book Money #1. This will greatly help you to understand Thai women. This is my handbook I keep near me at all times

[taxexile]

This is my handbook I keep near me at all times

yeah , next to the box of tissues and the rubber glove.

Edited June 12, 2006 by taxexile

[britmaveric]

This is my handbook I keep near me at all times

yeah , next to the box of tissues and the rubber glove.

[BlimeyCharlie]

There is to much unnecessary gossip about Thai women. The problem is in my opinion is the naivety of western men. Especially older men who fall for a very young women, and things good bad financially. There's gold diggers in every country but if a westerner wants to risk everything he has earned in a foreign country then he can only blame himself

From what I am told, as I am of similar age 33, and my girlfriend a little younger, Thai woman prefer older men as they feel they will be more faithful than someone described as yourself. Only recently my girlfriends friends, were trying to put her off me as they described me as being good looking and she should be worried that I might fall for another woman. This was a very cruel thing to say to her, and I can only presume it was jealousy as her friends are both married to older guys, who look like they have been hit by a double decker bus numerous times.

Would you go into business with a woman from your country having known her for a year, where you both have legal rights over a company? If your feelings are not clear on both side, think carefully about a business venture.

I think you have every right to be on your guard as far as a business venture is concerned, as I'm in business myself. However if you have feelings for this woman why not tell her, and put the business idea to one side for a future development.

Sometimes it's best to just go with your instincts and forget what other people think.

Edited June 12, 2006 by BlimeyCharlie

[English Noodles]

This is my handbook I keep near me at all times

yeah , next to the box of tissues and the rubber glove.

[Totster]

This is my handbook I keep near me at all times

yeah , next to the box of tissues and the rubber glove.

And a bottle of cheap Amercian piss water....

totster

[Totster]

Stevo..

You say you are not "BF & GF", I just wonder how she sees the relationship. Does she see it the same way, have you talked with her about it ?

I don't want the nightmare of falling for somebody, only to find out they are someone else after you have put emotions, $, & time into the equation.

Welcome to relationships my man, It's never been anything different... no matter where you are in the world...

totster

[jdinasia]

Stevo ------

What's YOUR motive?

Find out what you are looking for ... Do you WANT a real committed kind of relationship? ... Or having a part-time honey 500+ KM's away?

Am NOT being sarcastic about this ... really .. look at what YOU really want and proceed from there

[BKK90210]

Sometimes you might be able to learn about a person by looking at…..

Who are her best friends?.....or social peers she's hanging out with?

What kind of people doesn’t she like?

What kind of social life, life style and pattern does she prefer?

Is your partner liked by her friends?.....If not, why?

Generally speaking, is she lazy or industrious?....if she’s proposing business venture with you.

What does she think is funny? Offensive?

What are the biggest strengths in your relationships? Weaknesses? … hopefully it’s not your $$$

If she could choose a different job, what would it be?

How satisfied with her work is she?

Is she financially responsible?

And finally….

Were most of her problems or conversations with you always involved in her needing your helps and especially your money?

And especially ask yourself....What's your real motive with her?

[p1p]

Moving this to the General Forum. As can be seen by the predominance of male posters, it is not a topic of particular interest, nor is it one that would be started by the ladies.

In future lads, please refrain from starting Male interest topics in the Ladies forum.

[Boon Mee]

And a bottle of cheap Amercian piss water....

What's "cheap American piss water" - not referring to the King of Beers by chance?

[Ulysses G.]

And a bottle of cheap Amercian piss water....

What's "cheap American piss water" - not referring to the King of Beers by chance?

monochaser has been single-handedly rescuing Bud's reputation.

Some folks don't seem to be listening.

[Donz]

Give it a go, I think alot of Thai females are trustworthy, Alot of people just make up stories because they were hurt and try to put all Thai females down, Plus alot of those stories are 80 year old men with 18 year old gf's and 90% of those are there just for the cash.

Your pretty much close to her age, she runs her own business so I think she might be a good one to take if you have been getting along her for a year and she hasnt asked you for money.

Some pretty good signs but everyone is unpredictable as everyone is different.

But you wont find out if you dont give it a go.

[Boon Mee]

And a bottle of cheap Amercian piss water....

What's "cheap American piss water" - not referring to the King of Beers by chance?

monochaser has been single-handedly rescuing Bud's reputation.

Some folks don't seem to be listening.

[monochaser]

If I wanted a gf my age, I certainly would have stayed in the US for that.

[Ulysses G.]

If I wanted a gf my age, I certainly would have stayed in the US for that.

Exactly!

[chanchao]

I advise reading the book Money #1. This will greatly help you to understand Thai women.

LOL.. Mono... That book's subtitle is "A survival guide to Pattaya", it's yet another book about BARGIRLS. And you get your understanding of 'Thai women' from that??

Man I don't envy you.

[Boon Mee]

I advise reading the book Money #1. This will greatly help you to understand Thai women.

LOL.. Mono... That book's subtitle is "A survival guide to Pattaya", it's yet another book about BARGIRLS. And you get your understanding of 'Thai women' from that??

Man I don't envy you.

Who's the author of that 'book'?

Erco?

[Mighty Mouse]

Replace your doubt with trust.

Maintain that trust until it is broken.

It may never be broken...........

but if it is, move on.

[a2396]

I met a Thai girl about 1 yr ago while watching some live music. (at the time she owned a kareoke bar, working every day.) We stayed togther that night on for about a week, having a good time, laughing a lot, etc. She's the type of person who is the life of the party, lights up every room she walks into, everyone seems to like her, & want to know her.

Now she works 2 jobs in Krabi, which I have personally verified during a visit. ( I stay in Bangkok now) She is a hard worker, & a people pleaser.

Also, I just sent her a ticket to bangkok where she visited her family & daughter. I have helped her out a lot with her $ medical condition with her kidneys. Her father wants to pay me back, but I do not wish this.. She has been in the hospital about 3 times since I have known her because of her kidney infection.

Anyway, we seem to be a nice fit: personality, humor, talk everyday, but I just can't seem to let my gaurd down & trust that she is just into me & not looking at me as an investment. I'm a decent looking 30 year old guy, she's 28 years old, & she has always supported her daughter by herself becuase she had a cheater boyfriend.

She mentions that she would like to share a business with me in Bangkok, & also mentioned asked if I would sign papers for her to visit America. (She has travelled to Australia for work, & has been outside before) We are not "BF & GF" but seem to play that role anyway.

My question for the women is: How do you know what her motive really is? Is there some way anyone can recommend how to find this out? I don't want the nightmare of falling for somebody, only to find out they are someone else after you have put emotions, $, & time into the equation.

Any advice?

I would be very careful with this. I don't think she could get a US tourist visa with your help or without. If she is single and 20 something with no relatives in USA and not a pile of money in the bank, forget it. As for her motives, I would take plenty of time to sort it out. Dealing with the women is a major downside to living here. It is not like USA or the west, where things are gererally out in the open and "on the table". Many of these women are masters at deception and accomplished and pathological liars. It seems that it is not part of the culture to tell things straight in any case. Where there is money as an issue and where the local party may have something to gain, caution should prevail. This is no "urban myth" as on poster implied here. In my opinion, it is everyday reality.

[Ulysses G.]

these women are masters at deception and accomplished and pathological liars.

No wonder I'm so PARANOID!

[ThaiPauly]

This is my handbook I keep near me at all times

yeah , next to the box of tissues and the rubber glove.

"Quote of the week" and its only Tuesday

[Ned]

Don't risk anything with these people that you can't afford to lose. By that I mean that in the event that you get ripped off totally, you'll still have enough to get on with your life in a comfortable fashion. After only one year together with someone I wouldn't dream of going into business with them especially if large amounts of money are involved. I've been living very happily with a woman now for five years ...got on really well from the start but I still didn't even buy her a scrap of gold for more than a year and she didn't give me the boot. She passed the test so I bought her a bit more a couple of years after that. I hold the purse strings and any money that she spends she gets from me......and she knows I know where my money is. So many farang around here have been given the flick after setting up their women with a house or business. Makes me sound like a total tyrant I know but we live nicely indeed and we both appreciate the relationship.

[Misplaced]

Dealing with the women is a major downside to living here. It is not like USA or the west, where things are gererally out in the open and "on the table". Many of these women are masters at deception and accomplished and pathological liars. It seems that it is not part of the culture to tell things straight in any case.

YEA RIGHT, so women in the US only married men for love and its NEVER about money. If she only wants your money than she'll tell you in advance? Give me a break!

OP- simply tell her that you're not willing to start a business and see what she does. If she gives you the boot than put it on and run. If she hangs around than start your business (if you want to).

[tom yum goong]

OP- simply tell her that you're not willing to start a business and see what she does. If she gives you the boot than put it on and run. If she hangs around than start your business (if you want to).

Best advice so far.

[tc101]

I agree with the poster who said to let her father pay you for the kidney treatments as he has offered. You will learn a lot by the results of that. If he does pay you, you can give him the money back later if you want. If he does not pay you, then you have learned something sooner rather than later.