ALFREDO Posted May 10, 2014 Share Posted May 10, 2014 I cannot recall, that anybody proposed to pay =Sin Sot for Ex married woman with kid or kids!= But -Grindting- = clueless, that is the right word for your attitude, in that matter. You obviously haven't been following this forum very closely then if you think a large number of western guys who frequent Thailand are not paying for exactly that. I meant, "I cannot recall, that anybody proposed (finds it OK, (acceptable), to pay = Sin Sot for Ex married woman with kid or kids!= in this thread! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quandow Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 It's called a dowry, it's still alive in Thailand, and it's always negotiable. I work with a guy who told his girlfriend that if they are to marry, she will have to pay her own dowry to the family, which she is doing. The concept is that it is the females who support the family, and if they leave, then the family must be compensated for her loss (or so I've been told by several Thai's). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quandow Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 P.S. - When I fell in "love" with my first bar girl, I bought her out of the bar, bought some land, then found out her dowry would be 100k baht, half of which her mother would return after the marriage. Thank GAWD I came to my senses, and she and I are still friends. I still occasionally get hit up for 10 or 20k baht which I politely ignore. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Grindting Posted May 11, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted May 11, 2014 she and I are still friends. I still occasionally get hit up for 10 or 20k baht which I politely ignore. Sounds like the best of friends 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recycler Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 I explained that buying people was not part of my culture and even against the law in the states, but she says that is just the culture here. Calling it "culture" doesn't make it right, the sinsod issue puts woman in a position to be sold by the family and it leads to many woman entering unhappy marriages, divorces etc. Not to mention the kids that are born often leaving the mother no choice than to go work in the prostitution business to be able to feed the kid. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mickjn Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 You could walk away but my advice it do not walk,run,pack the bag and go 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pchansmorn Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 I would think that someone like you would had been more careful with picking a thai women. Since you are educated, I would had looked for the same. I also would had chosen someone whom is employed and on there own, someone whom is not looking for financial support, someone who states that they are looking Love not money. First you need to look in the right place. It is best to move, get a job, apt. Then look for someone, I think it is easier for farang's because, educated thai women know what they want, and who they want to be with. Get out of this situation ASAP. And if you are worried about the police men in her family, go back to your native country for a while, try again later. Stay away from low class girls, who are looking for a sugar daddy for the whole family. And don't be so generous with the money, throwing it around and buying her Love, that will only last till the money runs out. Good luck to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kovaltech Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 Sin Sod, the dowry for the girl and some Gold is more or less normal and usually higher with a Falang, your sums seem not to high, the immediately house building, buying and purchase of a car is not so common awaited in short time. But sure appreciated! To take care of the family of wife, is common at least in some ways and in affordable borders! So if she is a traditional Thai, some of that what she and her family asks for, is common practice in many families here in Thailand. Special in rural Issan. So find a consensus in a discussion, if you feel its worth the effort. It is common practice because fools pay it.They should be paying us for marrying below our status.Tell em,plenty of fish in that Thai sea,and walk.You have been here 6 weeks you say,you have to run the game,your way. Ever been on a Thai -Thai engagement ceremony ?The negotiating for the dowry between the 2 family's ? All the to do's and the don't s? 100K is nothing, just an honest number... The ring also, nothing special Buying land, build house, car... family business... nothing special... Also depending the living surroundings of the family, how many sisters she has etc... Supporting the family is also normal, within limits... OP not to worry for the tradition... Are you willing to mary her or any other lady in Thailand ? then follow the rules... You can't negotiate about the wedding with her father, but you can negotiate a time frame to do the rest... These sound like the rules and guidance limited to only a run of the mill farang man marrying a farm girl 30 years his jr. Negotiation between 2 families? What average thai man in Isan has 100k+ sitting around?. What thai man in all of Thailand would pay anywhere near that, if anything, for a farm girl who has a kid or kids and sponging parents? What a load of bullshit. The thai man would run! The clueless farang is the one who pays and everyone in the extended family is having a jolly good time at his expense. @Grindting Nope, daily happenings between Thai-Thai I live in Isaan, amongst them... attended a lot of engagement ceremonies and weddings. ( making the photo's ) Look up for the Thai engagement-wedding ceremonies and READ them I live here since 2 years and only had the engagement ceremony ( the first week i came here ) Ring and money.. Now waiting for the good opportunities for the proper wedding Its all about tradition and decency ( only if you engaged you can live in with the family or spent the night with your fiancee ) OP, don't loose your ( and ours ) face and more certain, don't make them loose theirs.. Having a engagement ceremony where all the neighbors and relatives come is a very respectful happening Its for the father and mother AND your loved one, a showing to the community that they are good and decent people. If they would want to brag with a farang , they would have asked 2 million..., but they just asked 100K... You came to Thailand for her.. so at least you can learn the Thai traditions To all the Thai bashers... you don't like Thailand to be Thailand ? go back home and cry there... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a99az Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 (edited) I find it hard to believe that anyone with an ounce of intelligence “and you claim to have a BA” would not of already discovered that this type of thing is commonplace in the land of smiles with a quick Google. The internet is full of sad stories of guys who have lost there money / mind to a Thai girl. It’s no different to any other country move on and one day you might find Miss Right, and she might also have good teeth. Edited May 11, 2014 by a99az 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 I tried standing up for myself, I got kicked out of the house. I told her she needed to do what she thought was right, marry for love not money, but she says she has no say in it. Everything is up to her father, do the girls here have no say in their own future? <she says she has no say in it.> I don't know if it was the long con, but whether it was or not, cut your losses with that girl, who is either scamming you or a loser. If you give in to their outrageous demands, you will regret it for ever. Continue with your teaching plans though, as many nice women in Thailand with families that don't want you to pay them to go out with/ marry their daughter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 It is common practice because fools pay it.They should be paying us for marrying below our status.Tell em,plenty of fish in that Thai sea,and walk.You have been here 6 weeks you say,you have to run the game,your way. Ever been on a Thai -Thai engagement ceremony ?The negotiating for the dowry between the 2 family's ? All the to do's and the don't s? 100K is nothing, just an honest number... The ring also, nothing special Buying land, build house, car... family business... nothing special... Also depending the living surroundings of the family, how many sisters she has etc... Supporting the family is also normal, within limits... OP not to worry for the tradition... Are you willing to mary her or any other lady in Thailand ? then follow the rules... You can't negotiate about the wedding with her father, but you can negotiate a time frame to do the rest... These sound like the rules and guidance limited to only a run of the mill farang man marrying a farm girl 30 years his jr. Negotiation between 2 families? What average thai man in Isan has 100k+ sitting around?. What thai man in all of Thailand would pay anywhere near that, if anything, for a farm girl who has a kid or kids and sponging parents? What a load of bullshit. The thai man would run! The clueless farang is the one who pays and everyone in the extended family is having a jolly good time at his expense. @Grindting Nope, daily happenings between Thai-Thai I live in Isaan, amongst them... attended a lot of engagement ceremonies and weddings. ( making the photo's ) Look up for the Thai engagement-wedding ceremonies and READ them I live here since 2 years and only had the engagement ceremony ( the first week i came here ) Ring and money.. Now waiting for the good opportunities for the proper wedding Its all about tradition and decency ( only if you engaged you can live in with the family or spent the night with your fiancee ) OP, don't loose your ( and ours ) face and more certain, don't make them loose theirs.. Having a engagement ceremony where all the neighbors and relatives come is a very respectful happening Its for the father and mother AND your loved one, a showing to the community that they are good and decent people. If they would want to brag with a farang , they would have asked 2 million..., but they just asked 100K... You came to Thailand for her.. so at least you can learn the Thai traditions To all the Thai bashers... you don't like Thailand to be Thailand ? go back home and cry there... It's not Thai - Thai, just in case you hadn't noticed. She should have told him before he came to Thailand that the family expected him to pay them all handsomly, so he could make a properly informed decision, not sprung it on him when he got there. I paid my MIL zero, nothing, I gave/ give my Thai family zero, nothing. If they don't like that ( they don't ) tough. If the potential partner for life expects to be bought, well there are plenty of Thai women that don't. <you don't like Thailand to be Thailand ?> . Sounds like you bought into the whole BS routine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kovaltech Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 @Thai beach lover... At least i am able to read and understand... apparently you can not ? Thai bashers are saying that this is an Thai -farang thing, i am saying that this is also Thai -Thai and a normal occurrence... How nice should we think about those who wants to be in Thailand but reject the Thai culture ? and calling that cultural a scam ? Its all how you perceive things from your own perspective... Corruption came from those who wanted more then others had ( farang ) Prostitution boomed in Thailand by the farang... Don't blame the cat if you put the bacon in front of him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 @Thai beach lover... At least i am able to read and understand... apparently you can not ? Thai bashers are saying that this is an Thai -farang thing, i am saying that this is also Thai -Thai and a normal occurrence... How nice should we think about those who wants to be in Thailand but reject the Thai culture ? and calling that cultural a scam ? Its all how you perceive things from your own perspective... Corruption came from those who wanted more then others had ( farang ) Prostitution boomed in Thailand by the farang... Don't blame the cat if you put the bacon in front of him... If you are claiming that farangs are responsible for the amount of prostitution in LOS, then you obviously know little about Thailand. Farang related prostitution is miniscule in comparison to Thai related. You seem to be blaming farangs for corruption in LOS as well, LOL! Whether or not the sin sod etc is Thai culture is not in debate, but expecting a farang to pay out way more than a Thai man would is a scam though. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kovaltech Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 @Thai beach lover... At least i am able to read and understand... apparently you can not ? Thai bashers are saying that this is an Thai -farang thing, i am saying that this is also Thai -Thai and a normal occurrence... How nice should we think about those who wants to be in Thailand but reject the Thai culture ? and calling that cultural a scam ? Its all how you perceive things from your own perspective... Corruption came from those who wanted more then others had ( farang ) Prostitution boomed in Thailand by the farang... Don't blame the cat if you put the bacon in front of him... If you are claiming that farangs are responsible for the amount of prostitution in LOS, then you obviously know little about Thailand. Farang related prostitution is miniscule in comparison to Thai related. You seem to be blaming farangs for corruption in LOS as well, LOL! Whether or not the sin sod etc is Thai culture is not in debate, but expecting a farang to pay out way more than a Thai man would is a scam though. On Topic: where is the OP paying more then a Thai ? Prostitution: again reading and understanding what others write is obvious not your strong point: Farang make the prostitution industrie booming , this since the vietnam war. Corruption: i have seen to many farang bribe officials... to obtain the unobtainable.... Its also farang who gives in if they keep their hands up for the tea-money, but then complaining and Thai bashing here on the forum... Only a few hero's here on TVF... Again, don't blame the cat... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrTuner Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 I used to be neutral about Sin Sot, but now I think it should be a minimum of 10M baht. Just got my share of 50k from my sister-in-laws pot, was totally unexpected but what the hell, keep it coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 I used to be neutral about Sin Sot, but now I think it should be a minimum of 10M baht. Just got my share of 50k from my sister-in-laws pot, was totally unexpected but what the hell, keep it coming. Well at least you got some of your cash back eh........... ................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrTuner Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 I used to be neutral about Sin Sot, but now I think it should be a minimum of 10M baht. Just got my share of 50k from my sister-in-laws pot, was totally unexpected but what the hell, keep it coming. Well at least you got some of your cash back eh........... ................... Well, yeah. That was quoted as the reason, my wife and I housed her for a couple of years before she could afford her own condo. A nice addition to my beer fund Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 @Thai beach lover... At least i am able to read and understand... apparently you can not ? Thai bashers are saying that this is an Thai -farang thing, i am saying that this is also Thai -Thai and a normal occurrence... How nice should we think about those who wants to be in Thailand but reject the Thai culture ? and calling that cultural a scam ? Its all how you perceive things from your own perspective... Corruption came from those who wanted more then others had ( farang ) Prostitution boomed in Thailand by the farang... Don't blame the cat if you put the bacon in front of him... If you are claiming that farangs are responsible for the amount of prostitution in LOS, then you obviously know little about Thailand. Farang related prostitution is miniscule in comparison to Thai related. You seem to be blaming farangs for corruption in LOS as well, LOL! Whether or not the sin sod etc is Thai culture is not in debate, but expecting a farang to pay out way more than a Thai man would is a scam though. On Topic: where is the OP paying more then a Thai ? Prostitution: again reading and understanding what others write is obvious not your strong point: Farang make the prostitution industrie booming , this since the vietnam war. Corruption: i have seen to many farang bribe officials... to obtain the unobtainable.... Its also farang who gives in if they keep their hands up for the tea-money, but then complaining and Thai bashing here on the forum... Only a few hero's here on TVF... Again, don't blame the cat... < Farang make the prostitution industrie booming> Thai history is obviously not your strong point. I suggest you do some research before posting erroneous information. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grindting Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 (edited) These sound like the rules and guidance limited to only a run of the mill farang man marrying a farm girl 30 years his jr. Negotiation between 2 families? What average thai man in Isan has 100k+ sitting around?. What thai man in all of Thailand would pay anywhere near that, if anything, for a farm girl who has a kid or kids and sponging parents? What a load of bullshit. The thai man would run! The clueless farang is the one who pays and everyone in the extended family is having a jolly good time at his expense. @Grindting Nope, daily happenings between Thai-Thai I live in Isaan, amongst them... attended a lot of engagement ceremonies and weddings. ( making the photo's ) Look up for the Thai engagement-wedding ceremonies and READ them I live here since 2 years and only had the engagement ceremony ( the first week i came here ) Ring and money.. Now waiting for the good opportunities for the proper wedding Its all about tradition and decency ( only if you engaged you can live in with the family or spent the night with your fiancee ) OP, don't loose your ( and ours ) face and more certain, don't make them loose theirs.. Having a engagement ceremony where all the neighbors and relatives come is a very respectful happening Its for the father and mother AND your loved one, a showing to the community that they are good and decent people. If they would want to brag with a farang , they would have asked 2 million..., but they just asked 100K... You came to Thailand for her.. so at least you can learn the Thai traditions To all the Thai bashers... you don't like Thailand to be Thailand ? go back home and cry there... I'm not a thai basher, find one post of mine bashing anything thai please? I've also worked in Thailand and been divorced to a thai 6 years ago. And my question still stands, what thai boy in issan outside of say KK university, have you ever seen with 100k baht floating around to give to a farmers daughters parents, in addition to GOLD and paying the entire wedding expenses? We're talking about a majority of guys and girls who earn less than 5000 baht a month doing manual labour / farming. You say they could have asked for a million as he is a farang, and 100k is a fair offer. 100k is what they think they can get away with! Not what she is actually 'worth' (talking in ridiculous sin sot terms here) I think you have deluded yourself a little bit Edited May 11, 2014 by Grindting 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ALFREDO Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 <script type='text/javascript'>window.mod_pagespeed_start = Number(new Date());</script> It's called a dowry, it's still alive in Thailand, and it's always negotiable. I work with a guy who told his girlfriend that if they are to marry, she will have to pay her own dowry to the family, which she is doing. The concept is that it is the females who support the family, and if they leave, then the family must be compensated for her loss (or so I've been told by several Thai's). P.S. - When I fell in "love" with my first bar girl, I bought her out of the bar, bought some land, then found out her dowry would be 100k baht, half of which her mother would return after the marriage. Thank GAWD I came to my senses, and she and I are still friends. I still occasionally get hit up for 10 or 20k baht which I politely ignore. So. you knew the facts, see quoted post 1 and even as Mom was willing to give back half the dowry, you dumped her, as that 1.500 Dollar, see post 2, let you come to your senses. Man, you must have been in love! Really! lol, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kovaltech Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 These sound like the rules and guidance limited to only a run of the mill farang man marrying a farm girl 30 years his jr. Negotiation between 2 families? What average thai man in Isan has 100k+ sitting around?. What thai man in all of Thailand would pay anywhere near that, if anything, for a farm girl who has a kid or kids and sponging parents? What a load of bullshit. The thai man would run! The clueless farang is the one who pays and everyone in the extended family is having a jolly good time at his expense. @Grindting Nope, daily happenings between Thai-Thai I live in Isaan, amongst them... attended a lot of engagement ceremonies and weddings. ( making the photo's ) Look up for the Thai engagement-wedding ceremonies and READ them I live here since 2 years and only had the engagement ceremony ( the first week i came here ) Ring and money.. Now waiting for the good opportunities for the proper wedding Its all about tradition and decency ( only if you engaged you can live in with the family or spent the night with your fiancee ) OP, don't loose your ( and ours ) face and more certain, don't make them loose theirs.. Having a engagement ceremony where all the neighbors and relatives come is a very respectful happening Its for the father and mother AND your loved one, a showing to the community that they are good and decent people. If they would want to brag with a farang , they would have asked 2 million..., but they just asked 100K... You came to Thailand for her.. so at least you can learn the Thai traditions To all the Thai bashers... you don't like Thailand to be Thailand ? go back home and cry there... I'm not a thai basher, find one post of mine bashing anything thai please? I've also worked in Thailand and been divorced to a thai 6 years ago. And my question still stands, what thai boy in issan outside of say KK university, have you ever seen with 100k baht floating around to give to a farmers daughters parents, in addition to GOLD and paying the entire wedding expenses? We're talking about a majority of guys and girls who earn less than 5000 baht a month doing manual labour / farming. You say they could have asked for a million as he is a farang, and 100k is a fair offer. 100k is what they think they can get away with! Not what she is actually 'worth' (talking in ridiculous sin sot terms here) I think you have deluded yourself a little bit Lets say i can post pictures of weddings and engagements from average, hard working , normal people... the lowest i have seen so far was 100 K, the highest 400K. In "traditional" ways of thinking, the money go's to the parents of the girl, coz the girls goes to the next family and have to provide there... Depending the status of the parents and the education they where able to give their daughter, the two family's meet ( the elderly ) and discuss about the hight of the dowry. Lets also say that there are multiple payments to make... a part goes to the daughter as engagement present ( Gold and money ) payed at the engagement ceremony. In case of a cancelling of the wedding, the money has to be returned also the gold. second part is the handing over from the money from the man's family to the girls family.. ( the actual dowry ) Ceremonial its the transfer from the girl from one family into the other. On Topic, Nothing wrong with the family from the girlfriend of the OP He needs to work on his perception thats all. Calling Thai tradition a scam, stupid or ridiculous ? thats what i refer to as Thai bashing If they didn't like him ( The OP) they would have asked 3-5 million, now they asked him to come in their house for their daughter and made him an honest proposal. The least he could have done is studying the local habits and not afterwards making ridiculous remarks at a public forum OP, You've seen the comments, now study their remarks and try to find the value from the life you want to live and where you want to live it. Be aware, schools tend to react on behavior, in contradiction with their moral standards, including how you deal with your girlfriend and her family. If i was the head principal of the school where you are applying, and i did read this topic... guess what ?... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ALFREDO Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 my question still stands, what thai boy in issan outside of say KK university, have you ever seen with 100k baht floating around to give to a farmers daughters parents, in addition to GOLD and paying the entire wedding expenses? We're talking about a majority of guys and girls who earn less than 5000 baht a month doing manual labour / farming. You right, the young boys have not enough, most times, no money, But, the family, even go in debts for the dowry and take loans out! I witnessed my self, in two different provinces in Issan, the handling of that marriages with 2 20 year young couples involved. The boys had nothing, one boy, had no mother and the father had no money to. My, at that time already Ex GF and aunt of the young man, gave a car to CASH for CAR to pay the 100.000 Baht dowry. In the second family, my now Gfs sister urged her good heart EU husband to pay the 100.000 Baht dowry for one of her two sons she had when she was very young, with a Thai man. He agreed. The mothers did not let the daughters go for a lesser dowry! Both young women good looking/beautiful and good possible their first men to! But sex they had both for many month before marriage. Poor families all together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kovaltech Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 my question still stands, what thai boy in issan outside of say KK university, have you ever seen with 100k baht floating around to give to a farmers daughters parents, in addition to GOLD and paying the entire wedding expenses? We're talking about a majority of guys and girls who earn less than 5000 baht a month doing manual labour / farming. You right, the young boys have not enough, most times, no money, But, the family, even go in debts for the dowry and take loans out! I witnessed my self, in two different provinces in Issan, the handling of that marriages with 2 20 year young couples involved. The boys had nothing, one boy, had no mother and the father had no money to. My, at that time already Ex GF and aunt of the young man, gave a car to CASH for CAR to pay the 100.000 Baht dowry. In the second family, my now Gfs sister urged her good heart EU husband to pay the 100.000 Baht dowry for one of her two sons she had when she was very young, with a Thai man. He agreed. The mothers did not let the daughters go for a lesser dowry! Both young women good looking/beautiful and good possible their first men to! But sex they had both for many month before marriage. Poor families all together. @Alfredo, Thats the real info... i second that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onlycw Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 I tried standing up for myself, I got kicked out of the house. I told her she needed to do what she thought was right, marry for love not money, but she says she has no say in it. Everything is up to her father, do the girls here have no say in their own future? Well, I've been here for years. Can't possibly comment on unknown folks, you and her. But don't like her family's attitude and expectations over and above the customary sin sod thing. (The gold gift used in another ceremony usually gets returned to the shop). One cannot buy love, period. I've sponsored some poor students, handed out notebooks and paid tuition fees. A few times, the reaction was ungrateful. Now, I would screen more carefully. Forget them - there are nicer girls without such greedy families out there. Be glad that the family showed their true colours before the big M! Good luck - never look back! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slipperylobster Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 Sin Sod, the dowry for the girl and some Gold is more or less normal and usually higher with a Falang, your sums seem not to high, the immediately house building, buying and purchase of a car is not so common awaited in short time. But sure appreciated! To take care of the family of wife, is common at least in some ways and in affordable borders! So if she is a traditional Thai, some of that what she and her family asks for, is common practice in many families here in Thailand. Special in rural Issan. So find a consensus in a discussion, if you feel its worth the effort. It is common practice because fools pay it.They should be paying us for marrying below our status.Tell em,plenty of fish in that Thai sea,and walk.You have been here 6 weeks you say,you have to run the game,your way. Ever been on a Thai -Thai engagement ceremony ?The negotiating for the dowry between the 2 family's ? All the to do's and the don't s? 100K is nothing, just an honest number... The ring also, nothing special Buying land, build house, car... family business... nothing special... Also depending the living surroundings of the family, how many sisters she has etc... Supporting the family is also normal, within limits... OP not to worry for the tradition... Are you willing to mary her or any other lady in Thailand ? then follow the rules... You can't negotiate about the wedding with her father, but you can negotiate a time frame to do the rest... These sound like the rules and guidance limited to only a run of the mill farang man marrying a farm girl 30 years his jr. Negotiation between 2 families? What average thai man in Isan has 100k+ sitting around?. What thai man in all of Thailand would pay anywhere near that, if anything, for a farm girl who has a kid or kids and sponging parents? What a load of bullshit. The thai man would run! The clueless farang is the one who pays and everyone in the extended family is having a jolly good time at his expense. Nary a one in upper Isaan give 2 fooks about Sin Sot.....they pretty much take on girlfriends, live in, and make kids regardless of any family wishes. For every one genuine, traditional wedding (which mostly involves a male farang groom) there are hundreds of non traditional live in relationships. Well, those kids running around sure look pure Thai..... ] Go ahead and try the live-in deal before a marriage...see if it works out. It is totally acceptable... Lots of gals like being Mia Noi's or have giks themselves. Don't worry too much about how much money and this and that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibeachlovers Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 These sound like the rules and guidance limited to only a run of the mill farang man marrying a farm girl 30 years his jr. Negotiation between 2 families? What average thai man in Isan has 100k+ sitting around?. What thai man in all of Thailand would pay anywhere near that, if anything, for a farm girl who has a kid or kids and sponging parents? What a load of bullshit. The thai man would run! The clueless farang is the one who pays and everyone in the extended family is having a jolly good time at his expense. @Grindting Nope, daily happenings between Thai-Thai I live in Isaan, amongst them... attended a lot of engagement ceremonies and weddings. ( making the photo's ) Look up for the Thai engagement-wedding ceremonies and READ them I live here since 2 years and only had the engagement ceremony ( the first week i came here ) Ring and money.. Now waiting for the good opportunities for the proper wedding Its all about tradition and decency ( only if you engaged you can live in with the family or spent the night with your fiancee ) OP, don't loose your ( and ours ) face and more certain, don't make them loose theirs.. Having a engagement ceremony where all the neighbors and relatives come is a very respectful happening Its for the father and mother AND your loved one, a showing to the community that they are good and decent people. If they would want to brag with a farang , they would have asked 2 million..., but they just asked 100K... You came to Thailand for her.. so at least you can learn the Thai traditions To all the Thai bashers... you don't like Thailand to be Thailand ? go back home and cry there... I'm not a thai basher, find one post of mine bashing anything thai please? I've also worked in Thailand and been divorced to a thai 6 years ago. And my question still stands, what thai boy in issan outside of say KK university, have you ever seen with 100k baht floating around to give to a farmers daughters parents, in addition to GOLD and paying the entire wedding expenses? We're talking about a majority of guys and girls who earn less than 5000 baht a month doing manual labour / farming. You say they could have asked for a million as he is a farang, and 100k is a fair offer. 100k is what they think they can get away with! Not what she is actually 'worth' (talking in ridiculous sin sot terms here) I think you have deluded yourself a little bit Lets say i can post pictures of weddings and engagements from average, hard working , normal people... the lowest i have seen so far was 100 K, the highest 400K. In "traditional" ways of thinking, the money go's to the parents of the girl, coz the girls goes to the next family and have to provide there... Depending the status of the parents and the education they where able to give their daughter, the two family's meet ( the elderly ) and discuss about the hight of the dowry. Lets also say that there are multiple payments to make... a part goes to the daughter as engagement present ( Gold and money ) payed at the engagement ceremony. In case of a cancelling of the wedding, the money has to be returned also the gold. second part is the handing over from the money from the man's family to the girls family.. ( the actual dowry ) Ceremonial its the transfer from the girl from one family into the other. On Topic, Nothing wrong with the family from the girlfriend of the OP He needs to work on his perception thats all. Calling Thai tradition a scam, stupid or ridiculous ? thats what i refer to as Thai bashing If they didn't like him ( The OP) they would have asked 3-5 million, now they asked him to come in their house for their daughter and made him an honest proposal. The least he could have done is studying the local habits and not afterwards making ridiculous remarks at a public forum OP, You've seen the comments, now study their remarks and try to find the value from the life you want to live and where you want to live it. Be aware, schools tend to react on behavior, in contradiction with their moral standards, including how you deal with your girlfriend and her family. If i was the head principal of the school where you are applying, and i did read this topic... guess what ?... None of what you say applies in a Thai Farang marriage. How many farangs expect their wives to support them after marriage?????????? In my case, my wife makes her own money and is free to give as much of that to her family as she wishes. I will give them nothing, which is exactly the situation they would have had she not married me. I am not some ATM for people I have as little to do with as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F4UCorsair Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 I tried standing up for myself, I got kicked out of the house. I told her she needed to do what she thought was right, marry for love not money, but she says she has no say in it. Everything is up to her father, do the girls here have no say in their own future? Somebody tell me this is not another nutter trolling.....please. Would you let a tart in your home country treat you like that? of course you wouldn't, and you've been there a few weeks, think you're in love with this ****, already sunk money on her, and are asking here if you should shell out another 100K. Nuts!! Write it off and move on before we organize an internet petition to have you committed to an asylum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F4UCorsair Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 (edited) Kovaltech said, "Lets say i can post pictures of weddings and engagements from average, hard working , normal people... the lowest i have seen so far was 100 K, the highest 400K.". Man if you think that 'average, hard working normal' Thais can come up with 100-400K sinsot you are deluding yourself. That's $3,000+ - $13,000+!!! .........more than an 'average, hard working, normal' Thai earns in 18 months to 6 years. Take out some living expenses from his income, and he could be skimping and saving hard for 3 - 12 years to put that together. This is becoming more ridiculous by the minute. Call it whatever you like, but the most suitable and appropriate description of sin sot is scam or con!!! No ifs or buts....that's what it is, pure and simple, perpetrated on their future son in law by greedy, grasping parents of the bride, not based on any criteria other than what they think they can steal from a son in law. How there could ever be a normal relationship with in laws under those circumstances, knowing you'd been scammed out of sometimes significant amounts of money, is beyond my powers of comprehension. Edited May 11, 2014 by F4UCorsair 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
newby5 Posted May 11, 2014 Share Posted May 11, 2014 Mate saw your post so now you know seems Thailand is about bleeding farangs blind for there money how is it a thai girl can't just go for a holiday any where in the world like any other person with the money to do so it's all geared right through that you will have go there and return many times to pay pay pay if you want a thai wife you will pay everybody from the top to the bottom through all processes in place. The people in the know say unless you are thai you should not pay the Sin Sod and (the more upper class the more it will be for thai's). Yes there are good people in thailand but the process has been in place long before you showed up. Go to Europe all the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kovaltech Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 Kovaltech said, "Lets say i can post pictures of weddings and engagements from average, hard working , normal people... the lowest i have seen so far was 100 K, the highest 400K.". Man if you think that 'average, hard working normal' Thais can come up with 100-400K sinsot you are deluding yourself. That's $3,000+ - $13,000+!!! .........more than an 'average, hard working, normal' Thai earns in 18 months to 6 years. Take out some living expenses from his income, and he could be skimping and saving hard for 3 - 12 years to put that together. This is becoming more ridiculous by the minute. Call it whatever you like, but the most suitable and appropriate description of sin sot is scam or con!!! No ifs or buts....that's what it is, pure and simple, perpetrated on their future son in law by greedy, grasping parents of the bride, not based on any criteria other than what they think they can steal from a son in law. How there could ever be a normal relationship with in laws under those circumstances, knowing you'd been scammed out of sometimes significant amounts of money, is beyond my powers of comprehension. As been stated earlier by Alfredo as well, Marriage is about family values... @F4UCorsair; You could be right about the trolling aspect of this Topic... The paying for the dentist ? The payments for the Motorbike ? The new phone ? The living in and only after 1 month kicked out ? ( normally you could not come in without the marriage promise ;-) ) But to the topic: For the sake of debating: lets say there are plenty of good, hard working people around here with the same percentage of "no goods" as every where in the world... ( lets call it 50-50 ) Do you have any idea how much they earn ? in any circumstances ? Pineapples ? Rubber three's ? Corn ? Office work ? Kindergarten teaching ? Charcoal making ? Repairing bikes ? Cooking meals ? Sell on the market ? So regarding your statements above, they clearly indicate that your knowledge about real Thai life is below a level that you could debate with sound arguments. Second; your description of Sin Sot and the phrases used... Thats Thai bashing.... You act on the little knowledge you have from mostly "hear say" But so little you know from real life experience in Thailand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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