Problems with son of Thai girlfriend

[Scarpolo]

there is a reason there is a rule to never enagage a single mother

I knew the rule and violated it

it has cost me millions

I have to fight for the future now, whereas it was in the bag, before I made that near fatal error

how profound. don't tar everyone with the same brush because once upon a time you were a plonker.

call me names, it changes nothing

this OP is headed for a fall

without a parachute, he is finished

a teenage boy causing him trouble now?

wait

[PDavies]

I don't think your advice is sound. I've seen you post outlandish nonsense in a lot of threads, you're not quite all there. It's a rational conception to arrive at.

[mrtoad]

Irrespective, The OP won't listen.

RGS has given the best advice already

As they say "up to you".

[Pigdog474]

It doesn't always turn out disastrous. I met my Thai wife four years ago and she had a 22 year old son. We had a few little conflicts at first and I mentioned the fact that I'm not an ATM machine and will not become one. The son is in my eyes very lazy but if you look at it from the Thai point of view, man doesn't work inside the house and even to this day I'm chased out of the kitchen etc. A mans job is outside the home and it's the woman's responsibility to clean/cook inside the house, not the mans. I have gotten to know this young man much better by thinking along these lines. I go to some of his soccer games and show interest in what he is trying to achieve and I find a whole different person, one who isn't lazy and full of ambition. He is now 27 and want me to know how successful he doing, the previous months accomplishments. I am now very proud of this young man and we both respect each other. About a month ago he told me his most important concern was that his mother be happy and that he could see that we (his mom and I) made each other happy. I have 4 children (3 were step children) from previous NON Thai marriages and from that I have one that excelled beyond my dreams, 2 are doing very well and 1 having a tough time making a go of it so it. Children regardless of nationality requires guidance and as a parent, I try to look at things from their respective. If you love the GF, try participating in something the child likes even if it means taking up a game controller and challenge him to a game. You'll likely loose but ask him how the controller works, ask him questions about how he does things, get involved at his level. Sometimes it does wonders. Hope this works for you

[cgphuket]

No advice, but I am glad my 14 y/o Thai stepson is on of the good ones. No complaints here.

[susan d]

I have some Thai friend. He let his son to train as a soldier in his school. Then his son is better. He call Ror Dor. You can ask your gf.

[Thaiberius]

Don't waste one more minute thinking about it, not one more baht trying to bribe him into liking you. Pack your bags and never get into the same situation again.

[Scarpolo]

not sure the OP understands what he has undertaken,

I wonder, has she told him why the husband or last boyfriend left?

the same story will ultimately be told about him

same story,

different name,

and on and on it goes

[choochoo]

Be prepared for a LOT of flack. One of the first topics I ever started was about my wife's Thai daughter and disciplining her. Difference from you though was I had my wife's FULL support. That being said....

You have taken over as the Father figure in the house. I assume you are paying all the bills and supporting the family. You have TWO problems ....not only the girlfriends son BUT your girlfriend as she is not supporting you in your decisions as the Boss of the household. Also you've let the problem fester for 14 months. The son knows he can get away with everything ....so he is.

Solution...its a tough one but either you lay down the law, move on or put up with the situation.

Wish you luck though ...whatever you decide as its never an easy path when moving into someone else's family situation

OP shouldnt be livng with them in the 1st place. He isnt married.

[choochoo]

Unless you get full backing from your GF you will never succeed in this situation-if you are being fair in disciplining him and she does not support you 100% then find another GF-there are thousands out there looking for a decent man life,s too short.

There isnt 1000s of them. Only the ones respectable thai mans dont want!

[dutchman]

I thank all the people for their advise

Sure i know i have to make a decission

Nothing about be hard or soft.

Just about do i want have problems later, no i dont want have that.

When I have to run, it would be a run with respect for my gf and take my responsabilities.

Many guys just dumb an ex gf without even blink the eye.

My gf is not a bargirl but a widdowed one who has worked an office job for put money on the table.

She was always good for me but was unable to handle her son.

Never ever asked me for money in the 6 years i know her.

She is used to he is the boss in her life, maybe compensate him for not have a dad and allow him everything .

She is not a bad person, she has a nice family ( i like them all ) who is not agree with the kids attitude.

Maybe many of you think i am stupid think like this.

I am glad read all of your comments.

But not all comments are same. not all situations are the same and not all backgrounds are the same.

Now she know she made mistakes with him.

[Scarpolo]

now that you tell us the father is dead,

you have only one option besides leaving:

boarding school or military academy,

but far away, and out of your life

[beachproperty]

Be prepared for a LOT of flack. One of the first topics I ever started was about my wife's Thai daughter and disciplining her. Difference from you though was I had my wife's FULL support. That being said....

You have taken over as the Father figure in the house. I assume you are paying all the bills and supporting the family. You have TWO problems ....not only the girlfriends son BUT your girlfriend as she is not supporting you in your decisions as the Boss of the household. Also you've let the problem fester for 14 months. The son knows he can get away with everything ....so he is.

Solution...its a tough one but either you lay down the law, move on or put up with the situation.

Wish you luck though ...whatever you decide as its never an easy path when moving into someone else's family situation

OP shouldnt be livng with them in the 1st place. He isnt married.

You're joking ...right?

Marriage certificate is just a piece of paper issued by the government. Its what's in your heart that counts!

[dutchman]

now that you tell us the father is dead,

you have only one option besides leaving:

boarding school or military academy,

but far away, and out of your life

Send him millitary accademy to learn him how to kill a dog ( me ) hahaha

i told her already he should do next holliday and she agreed but in between he crossed the line to much.

[glassdude007]

14 year old lay about thats what teenagers do.....

Wait till he is 18 then he can fend for himself....

Up to his mother not really up to you,

you just the guy sleeping with his mom in his eyes...

you are not his daddy and never will be..

Just give him his space and enjoy the company of his mom..

If it was me and it came down to it I would move out find a place to rent

close by where mom can visit to do grown up things till things kool down and the boy matures a bit ..

good luck

Edited May 20, 2014 by glassdude007

[boomerangutang]

a mom will always be a bleeding heart for her kids. Her kids are from her body. A farang will ALWAYS be an outsider.

I suggest you find a better relationship to devote so much money, time, and calories toward. Or do as I do; I don't have a live-in g.f. or wife, and my life is 100 times simpler because of it. I've already conceded I'm a drag to co-habitate with, so I won't subject anyone else with having to put up with me. Ahhhh, freedom! ...to go where I want, when I want, no excuses, no sneaking around.

I spent decades, mostly in california, with farang live-in situations. Every woman had ready-made kids, no exceptions (farang men abandon their kids almost as frequently as Thai men.) I've had fun, and enjoyed being dad to dozens of step-kids, but now I just want to relax and downshift, instead of being baby-sitter to a Thai woman and her brood.

[joshstiles]

Once I was an idiot just like you....my ex-gf's son ruin our relationship.....I left....moved on.....got on with my life because

YOU WON'T WIN NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK....MAYBE YOU ARE STRONG, BUT BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER

.....by the way....you are the water

Get out

Move on

Get over it

or

just keep being an idiot

[MonkeyLoo]

now that you tell us the father is dead,

you have only one option besides leaving:

boarding school or military academy,

but far away, and out of your life

Fair comment.

If he is anything like my girls Son he wouldnt go to boarding school even if it was all set up for him because he would need to do as he is told there. Grandmas is the easy option.

Military? I dont know how that works here. If its compulsary with penalties if he does not go then it can only be a good thing.

Sent from my GT-N7100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Krataiboy]

Been there, done that. Three of the four Thai children I inherited when I fell in love with a Thai widow accepted me as a stepfather and at least treated me with courtesy with respect. The youngest boy, aged seven, had a totally different attitude and spent most of his childhood and early teens making me feel like cuckoo in the family nest and a hated rival for his mother's affections.

I won't got into details. Suffice it to say that on a number of occasions his behavior - and our inability to find a way of effectively dealing with it - almost drove us apart. What probably saved us was having a child of our own together, enabling us to concentrate on something other than the potentially destructive force which had been dominating our lives.

As a teenager, with the hormones raging, my recalcitrant stepson became even harder to handle. I tried everything - physical, as well as verbal affection, heart-to-hearts with him and his mother, coaxing, wheeling, apolgising for anything I had done to upset him. Time after time we would agree to "wipe the slate clean" and start again, all to no avail. He would soon slip back into his uncooperative ways again, staying out late, refusing to help around the house, and being rude and aggressive to both of us and - more worryingly - to his little half sister.

One unforgettable evening, when he was 16 and giving me an even harder time than usual, I finally lost it. I flung open the front door and told him: "If you don't want to be a member of this family, that's fine with me. There's the door. Walk through it!"

He looked at his mother, who was clearly shocked and in a dither. "And if you want to go with him, it's up to you," I said, hoping she would not call my bluff.

It was a watershed moment from which we didn't look back. My wife and I agreed that we both wanted him to stay, but only if he agreed to conform to the same standards of behavior as the rest of us. He assented and there hugs and not a few tears.

I know I may never earn the love of my youngest son, but at least he now treats me less like an interloper and more like somebody who is actually trying to help rather than hinder his development. His school work has improved as has his general attitude. We rub along, which is enough. Sometimes he even favours me with a smile or a joking remark, which I have to confess makes my old heart jump with joy.

So. . . if you have the stomach for a struggle and enough love for your lady, try and stick it out. If not, well - there's always the door.

[Krataiboy]

Been there, done that. Three of the four Thai children I inherited when I fell in love with a Thai widow accepted me as a stepfather and at least treated me with courtesy with respect. The youngest boy, aged seven, had a totally different attitude and spent most of his childhood and early teens making me feel like cuckoo in the family nest and a hated rival for his mother's affections.

I won't got into details. Suffice it to say that on a number of occasions his behavior - and our inability to find a way of effectively dealing with it - almost drove us apart. What probably saved us was having a child of our own together, enabling us to concentrate on something other than the potentially destructive force which had been dominating our lives.

As a teenager, with the hormones raging, my recalcitrant stepson became even harder to handle. I tried everything - physical, as well as verbal affection, heart-to-hearts with him and his mother, coaxing, wheeling, apolgising for anything I had done to upset him. Time after time we would agree to "wipe the slate clean" and start again, all to no avail. He would soon slip back into his uncooperative ways again, staying out late, refusing to help around the house, and being rude and aggressive to both of us and - more worryingly - to his little half sister.

One unforgettable evening, when he was 16 and giving me an even harder time than usual, I finally lost it. I flung open the front door and told him: "If you don't want to be a member of this family, that's fine with me. There's the door. Walk through it!"

He looked at his mother, who was clearly shocked and in a dither. "And if you want to go with him, it's up to you," I said, hoping she would not call my bluff.

It was a watershed moment from which we didn't look back. My wife and I agreed that we both wanted him to stay, but only if he agreed to conform to the same standards of behavior as the rest of us. He assented and there hugs and not a few tears.

I know I may never earn the love of my youngest son, but at least he now treats me less like an interloper and more like somebody who is actually trying to help rather than hinder his development. His school work has improved as has his general attitude. We rub along, which is enough. Sometimes he even favours me with a smile or a joking remark, which I have to confess makes my old heart jump with joy.

So. . . if you have the stomach for a struggle and enough love for your lady, try and stick it out. If not, well - there's always the door.

[lormakmak]

seems to me like the OP requires respect and appreciation for the life he is giving and offering to the Thai lady and her son....

it ain't gonna happen as in general people who have it handed to them very rarely appreciate especially in the land of frowns!

[choochoo]

a bf has no StanDinG- he only ther for the womans charms..................lol.

[boomerangutang]

I had a romance with a gypsy/hippie woman who had 1 daughter, 13. The daughter liked the man her mom broke up with (2 b with me) and she liked having her mom all for her own. So the daughter often pushed her mom and I apart. It worked. We broke up (plus, I was unfaithful).

Later, the daughter became a groupie (at 15) for the Grateful Dead. Yup, at least one of 'em lusts after mid-teen chicks, can u guess which one? Then the daughter married a millionaire Swiss nobility (thrice her age) who owned a castle and was point man whenever the Rolling Stones did a US tour. Ironically, the daughter now thinks I'm great, and clashes with her mom. Aww, females, you gotta love 'em with all their flip flopping emotions.

[richard peters]

Yeah, - exactly the same as my wife's 14-yo grandson, who lives with us, while his quite decent mother is working overseas. Difference is that my worldly wise 58-yo wife agrees with me and will also give this disrespectful 6ft brat a clip under the ear when needed. Upon my suggestion, we have put him to working on holidays, do jobs around the house and will have to cut down his computor (Face-<deleted>) use, plus want to know where he has gone on the motorbike at night?? I suspect that with his pot smoking little friend, that they did a cash grab robbery from the motorbike, so I told them in no uncertain terms, what to expect in the "monkey house." Told my very nice wife not to protect him, or he will end up in trouble with te law, and I started threatening to send him back to his hopeless father. Also suspect that he is smoking a bit of weed (I know, because one of my Aussie sons is an addict), so he is going to come unstuck with me very shortly, and he knows it. All started when he marched into our bedroom to claim my nice silk shirt (without asking), so "sony boy" got a big tongue lashing from me and losing-it and shouting (which they hate), is the best way to get them to listen. After having lived with Thai families I know that it is a cultural thing where the girls are usually quite well disciplined, but the boys are treated like little gods, which is why many of them grow up to be lying, arrogent a----holes. As others are saying, - If you cannot get the support of your wife, then threaten to "pull the plug;" - You can win, but you have to be tough with them and not show any weakness; - Good Luck...

[Scarpolo]

Yeah, - exactly the same as my wife's 14-yo grandson, who lives with us, while his quite decent mother is working overseas. Difference is that my worldly wise 58-yo wife agrees with me and will also give this disrespectful 6ft brat a clip under the ear when needed. Upon my suggestion, we have put him to working on holidays, do jobs around the house and will have to cut down his computor (Face-<deleted>) use, plus want to know where he has gone on the motorbike at night?? I suspect that with his pot smoking little friend, that they did a cash grab robbery from the motorbike, so I told them in no uncertain terms, what to expect in the "monkey house." Told my very nice wife not to protect him, or he will end up in trouble with te law, and I started threatening to send him back to his hopeless father. Also suspect that he is smoking a bit of weed (I know, because one of my Aussie sons is an addict), so he is going to come unstuck with me very shortly, and he knows it. All started when he marched into our bedroom to claim my nice silk shirt (without asking), so "sony boy" got a big tongue lashing from me and losing-it and shouting (which they hate), is the best way to get them to listen. After having lived with Thai families I know that it is a cultural thing where the girls are usually quite well disciplined, but the boys are treated like little gods, which is why many of them grow up to be lying, arrogent a----holes. As others are saying, - If you cannot get the support of your wife, then threaten to "pull the plug;" - You can win, but you have to be tough with them and not show any weakness; - Good Luck...

sounds like you wil be fingered as the pot dealer when he gets popped.

just one more reason why I wont marry or get too deeply involved with a thai

thanks for an uinexpected example of danger

[MonkeyLoo]

Yeah, - exactly the same as my wife's 14-yo grandson, who lives with us, while his quite decent mother is working overseas. Difference is that my worldly wise 58-yo wife agrees with me and will also give this disrespectful 6ft brat a clip under the ear when needed. Upon my suggestion, we have put him to working on holidays, do jobs around the house and will have to cut down his computor (Face-) use, plus want to know where he has gone on the motorbike at night?? I suspect that with his pot smoking little friend, that they did a cash grab robbery from the motorbike, so I told them in no uncertain terms, what to expect in the "monkey house." Told my very nice wife not to protect him, or he will end up in trouble with te law, and I started threatening to send him back to his hopeless father. Also suspect that he is smoking a bit of weed (I know, because one of my Aussie sons is an addict), so he is going to come unstuck with me very shortly, and he knows it. All started when he marched into our bedroom to claim my nice silk shirt (without asking), so "sony boy" got a big tongue lashing from me and losing-it and shouting (which they hate), is the best way to get them to listen. After having lived with Thai families I know that it is a cultural thing where the girls are usually quite well disciplined, but the boys are treated like little gods, which is why many of them grow up to be lying, arrogent a----holes. As others are saying, - If you cannot get the support of your wife, then threaten to "pull the plug;" - You can win, but you have to be tough with them and not show any weakness; - Good Luck...

Spot on Richard. I agree with the way you handled it. The OP has no choice but to do the same or get out.

It has its roots in education for sure, or lack of it, and of course that is Thai culture.

But why should we lower our standards?

Maybe we are old school.....

Nothing wrong with that.

Sent from my GT-N7100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Scarpolo]

the idea that westerners have to accept thai culture, is assinine

[Beetlejuice]

The OP is under a misapprehension.

Take on the girlfriend and take on the son as well, they come as a package, take mother, get son free, whether the OP likes it or not.

I have no doubts that if the boy was the biological son of the OP, he would never contemplate throwing the boy out of the family home, and same must apply with his girlfriend`s son, if the OP wants the now present girlfriend to be his future intended wife, which means he has to become a father figure to the lad even if the son is still in contact with his real father. Otherwise my only suggestion is that the OP breaks his relationship from his girlfriend and seeks someone completely single, never been married and has no children or any other types of baggage or strings attached. Otherwise he should try to make the best and deal with the situation as it is because there is no way that the mother will ever cast out her son, not under any circumstances.

[Scarpolo]

The OP is under a misapprehension.

Take on the girlfriend and take on the son as well, they come as a package, take mother, get son free, whether the OP likes it or not.

I have no doubts that if the boy was the biological son of the OP, he would never contemplate throwing the boy out of the family home, and same must apply with his girlfriend`s son, if the OP wants the now present girlfriend to be his future intended wife, which means he has to become a father figure to the lad even if the son is still in contact with his real father. Otherwise my only suggestion is that the OP breaks his relationship from his girlfriend and seeks someone completely single, never been married and has no children or any other types of baggage or strings attached. Otherwise he should try to make the best and deal with the situation as it is because there is no way that the mother will ever cast out her son, not under any circumstances.

'

he should show them both the door.

then see what he wants after the problem is no longer his

[bifftastic]

I thank all the people for their advise

Sure i know i have to make a decission

Nothing about be hard or soft.

Just about do i want have problems later, no i dont want have that.

When I have to run, it would be a run with respect for my gf and take my responsabilities.

Many guys just dumb an ex gf without even blink the eye.

My gf is not a bargirl but a widdowed one who has worked an office job for put money on the table.

She was always good for me but was unable to handle her son.

Never ever asked me for money in the 6 years i know her.

She is used to he is the boss in her life, maybe compensate him for not have a dad and allow him everything .

She is not a bad person, she has a nice family ( i like them all ) who is not agree with the kids attitude.

Maybe many of you think i am stupid think like this.

I am glad read all of your comments.

But not all comments are same. not all situations are the same and not all backgrounds are the same.

Now she know she made mistakes with him.

The boy is playing you and your wife against each other. He's seeing how far he can push things knowing that his mother will always cave in. He knew that before you arrived.

14 months isn't very long really, so he hasn't developed any kind of respect for you yet. Because he's 14, he probably doesn't have much respect for anyone, not even himself.

My wife is quite strict with her two daughters (13 And 11), I think she started from the day they were born. They are polite and well mannered. They pretty much do as they're told. Obviously they have their moments of disobedience and get themselves into a bit of trouble here and there, but that's normal, and there's nothing wrong with it if it's the exception rather than the rule.

If there are problems, or decisions to be made about their lives, we discuss them together. So far, we have not disagreed as I can see that she wants them to be responsible and respectful people.

I have to say, that in your situation, rather than looking for a strategy to deal with the boy, by yourself, I think you should be speaking with his mother and trying to work out how both of you address the problem together.

If you present a united front, then he will have no choice but to comply.

While you try the heavy hand and she doesn't support you, things will never change. He knows he can divide the two of you. That's what he wants to do. He wants his mummy all to himself.

If the two of you can show that you are together, you are fair, and you both say the same things, he will fall in line and be happier for it.

Good luck.