Short Term Monk for step son -party costs etc?

[petejjj]

Hi, can someone please assist me with clarifying what is involved with my Thai step son becoming a short term (approx 11 days) monk?

He has just turned 20 years old and lives with my mother in-law in a small village in the Sukhothai province. This is out of town and secluded, so I am the only farang in the village.

My Thai wife, our toddler son and I will be doing the annual trip to visit her family there soon and we will do the monk thing and party etc.

My questions are:

1. What is the steps or process of becoming a monk
2. Expected donation to the monks at the local Wat – temple
3. Party costs for approx 100 guest
4. What is the norm for party, i.e. alcohol, food, tables, band and dancing girls etc?

I’ve read similar posts on here, but costs varied and I couldn’t find much detail on what the monk process is.

Many thanks

-Pete

[krisb]

Only thing I've seen is when the 'monk to be' is driven around the village in the back of a pickup truck, and music blares from it.

Everyone joins in like a mor lum, and the 'mtb' throws handfuls of 1 baht coins wrapped up individually to the people following. He also throws little lollies to them.

It's really cool to watch, especially for someone like me who just holidays in the village. Very very Thai.

No idea how much that bit costs. I would imagine maybe 1000 baht of 1 baht coins, plus the pickup and loudspeaker hire.

That's about as much as I've seen, maybe you can compile a price list for us all and the process involved.

Don't forget the pics!

Good luck and congratulations to the new monk!

[Costas2008]

OP, depends of the "Face" your wife and MIL want to show to the other people.

This ceremony can cost from 4 thousand Baht to a 100 thousand Baht.

Depends how lavish you want it.

Don't forget that your family will be getting money back from the guests.

Better leave it with wife and MIL and you.......just pay.

[petejjj]

Many thanks krisb. My wife is suggesting around THB100k which I think is excess.

Band with dancing girls is approx THB12k.

I recall from our wedding there in 2009, it cost about THB40k for the party, and another THB40k for sin sod.

Many thanks

-Pete

[petejjj]

Many thanks Costas2008.

OK understand re ‘face’ and money envelopes back to family. Agree re leave it to wife. I just wanted some idea for budget instead of the usual open cheque book, open wallet policy that normally happens J

Many thanks

-Pete

[Pattszero]

Do yourself a favour and tell the wife you are not paying a penny towards the party. On so many levels its wrong. This is straight out of the "How To Take The P*ss Out of a Farang" handbook.

100,000 baht for a party for an eleven day monk? Seriously - have a good talk to your wife about that. Not a coin.

She's taking the p*ss out of you. Big time.

[maprao]

Oh dear another one.

Tell her no. Do the pick up thing.

[petejjj]

…I mentioned the words, monk and money should not be in the same sentence. Paying for a party I can understand. Paying for a monk is different story.

I’ve contributed to the local village Wat in the past, as they’ve recently built a new one. I’m happy to assist for that purpose.

I’ve asked for a break down of cost from the family. I will post once I get it J

Many thanks

-Pete

[David48]

Do yourself a favour and tell the wife you are not paying a penny towards the party. On so many levels its wrong. This is straight out of the "How To Take The P*ss Out of a Farang" handbook.

100,000 baht for a party for an eleven day monk? Seriously - have a good talk to your wife about that. Not a coin.

She's taking the p*ss out of you. Big time.

Agreeing in part ...

"100,000 baht for a party for an eleven day monk? Seriously - have a good talk to your wife about that. Not a coin. She's taking the p*ss out of you. Big time."

My gf's nephew did exacty that.

There was a procession etc, the baht coin toss ... all true.

But Bt 100,000 is simply face.

There is an expectation to provide some sort of celebration and a food/drink reward for the procession ... but Bt 100,000 ...

[Costas2008]

Do yourself a favour and tell the wife you are not paying a penny towards the party. On so many levels its wrong. This is straight out of the "How To Take The P*ss Out of a Farang" handbook.

100,000 baht for a party for an eleven day monk? Seriously - have a good talk to your wife about that. Not a coin.

She's taking the p*ss out of you. Big time.

Agreeing in part ...

"100,000 baht for a party for an eleven day monk? Seriously - have a good talk to your wife about that. Not a coin. She's taking the p*ss out of you. Big time."

My gf's nephew did exacty that.

There was a procession etc, the baht coin toss ... all true.

But Bt 100,000 is simply face.

There is an expectation to provide some sort of celebration and a food/drink reward for the procession ... but Bt 100,000 ...

David,

Don't forget the OP, is speaking about an 11 day celebration.

Feeding and entertaining all people for 11 days..............

This is the full monty........can cost a lot.

[petejjj]

As I mentioned earlier, 100k is excess. Happy to enjoy the party and to cover the expensive of it, but not to have the p*ss taken.

The coin from the pickup truck sounds like a lot of fun.

Thanks for the comments & advice. It’s much appreciated

-P

[petejjj]

In brief discussions with family I was told that the following happens:

1. day 1 prepare for party etc, buy monk robe etc.
2. day 2 go to wat and do the monk thing, i.e. shave head etc
3. night 2 party with food, drinks, dancing girls and band.
4. day 11 last day when step son is released, we provide him with new set of clothes

Party - food etc is only first 2 days to my knowledge?

Event still evolving.

Thanks

-P

[mania]

Have no opinion on what is "right" or wrong

But will say this....

Have been to a few of these from start to finish.

It is interesting to watch

starting with the shaving of all head & facial hair, the blessing/ordination?

It can be a long day with the other parts...parade etc.

As to price....First off if done in a village

it will likely not be just your son but maybe 4-6 boys joining the temple at the same time

The party can be jointly held or individual families & can last more than 1 day

I will say 100 guests is a lot but possible

But price wise I will also say I went to my sister in laws son's ceremony ( all Thai family )

she later had a party at her house I would say 40 or so guests who came & left throughout

the duration of the party. Her costs were 60k baht

Did not have a band or dancing girls as you say

We did not contribute to that except to give the usual donation to her son.

Couple hundred baht/500? if I remember right

So I can imagine a party for 100 could reach 100k baht

When including food,whiskey,beer, etc

As others have said donations later help off set costs but not likely all of them

Also when your wife said 100k it could be all inclusive of various donations to temple etc.

I Don't know

Another one we went to was at a large temple in Chiang Mai

the mother of the monk was my wife's friend who lives in Singapore

This was an extremely more lavish affair with at least 100 people but again

the party was for 5-6 boys becoming monks so I have no idea of costs each family paid

But I would not be surprised at a high number here

At the end of the day OP it is you that needs to decide

It will depend on your relationship with your wife & understanding of her culture

I again am not saying there is a right or wrong just that it will be your personal decision

based on your personal relationship & trust

What others tell you here may or may not be valid. If your not comfortable with the amount

or it is a hardship discuss it with her.

Good Luck

Edited June 8, 2014 by mania

[Roadman]

As I mentioned earlier, 100k is excess. Happy to enjoy the party and to cover the expensive of it, but not to have the p*ss taken.

The coin from the pickup truck sounds like a lot of fun.

Thanks for the comments & advice. Its much appreciated

-P

She is seriously taking the piss.

The dancing girls etc is just bullcrap. A ute with music and few decorations is fine and a few beverages to get them in the mood. And the guests coming will bring food. The two Isaan lasses I have just asked say reckon B2000 to 3000 would be tops including donation to monk. Other family females help out as well with preparation. Seriously your partner has visions of piss taking grandeur at your expense. But as Thais say "up to you"

Edited June 8, 2014 by Roadman

[Robroona]

I attended one such gathering in Wang Nam Khaeo. The pick up thing and music deal was in the morning. But at night, was a big stage, dancing girls and band, I am sure that there were a couple of hundred people there. Chief of Police and some government officials an their entourages.

Might have been around 100,000 baht, that one

[CharlieH]

I have seen these and a lot depends on how far you want to go, some here have commented "crap" but it really depends on the individual just like wedding ceremonies can vary.

As for the 'party' from my observations the group and girls is the norm, again depends on how many tables you set, each table generally seats 8 people, has a bottle of whiskey and 1ltr coke and 6 soda water on it.

The bill was around 30k for food and drinks.

The band was 6k

The money for wrapping and throwing may be 200 baht coins

Round it up for other bits and bobs and probably about 50k.

Thats my experience in this area and appears to be the standard from the few I have seen and been involved in.

Not too much different (apart from the coin throwing) to a village wedding.

[petejjj]

Mania, thanks for the advice. Well said.

Agree re the last paragraph.

Many options as to what is right and what is wrong.

Had a chat to my mate's Thai wife, and she said her brother's monk party etc cost THB 80k 15 years ago and was over the top.

She also said a party for her family with total of 20 guests, 1x pig, drinks and other food, monks to house cost THB 15,000. That was for 1 meal, no music or over the top dancing girls.

thanks

-P

[krisb]

Yeah I think the guys got a little spread out over a couple of posts causing wires to be crossed.

The op's son is doing 11 days. More of a band camp really.

He never mentioned spending 100k.

Costas posted saying up to 100k. Obviously this is a serious move to becoming a full time monk...right Costas?

I think if it were me, I would just go with the flow, spend what you feel comfortable spending for an 11 day stint in the wat.

Sometimes our partners can get a little carried away, this costs more usually. Let's face it, Thais love throwing parties and great parties usually cost a little more.

Me personally, would not let it get over 30k for only 11 days. NO WAY.

This would include a bottle of the best scotch I could find for me.(of course).

Edited June 8, 2014 by krisb

[CharlieH]

The main problem with the parties and tables and how many is this, its free foof and drink, so what usually happens is you invite mr & mrs somchai, but they bring the entire family. Its almost impossible to guage how many will turn up, and no one wants to be embarrased with not eniugh seats and or food and drink.

So they tend to go ver the top to compensate

And whatever you do, keep the cases of whiskey out of sight after laying out the tables, or they will be gone in 30 minutes flat! Whats not out on the tables HIDE IT until its called for.

Edited June 8, 2014 by CharlieH

[petejjj]

thanks for the cost breakdown CharlieH.

555+ haha re krisb and best scotch!

Wife said 'up to me, and expect it to be like our wedding' (from 2009).

thanks

[robin33]

My thai single sister in law who also lives in Europe. Did it for here son who then still lived in Thailand

We had an great small party with fam and friends. In Europe. She is on welfare . I did not pay a thing. She had not more than a 1000 euro s to spend on a 16 day Holliday and that is including the party for the little fellow. Oke I just remember,, I payed the brother I'm laws the beers

100k. Is way to much

Edited June 8, 2014 by robin33

[Banzai99]

If you can afford it, why not.

[Costas2008]

Yeah I think the guys got a little spread out over a couple of posts causing wires to be crossed.

The op's son is doing 11 days. More of a band camp really.

He never mentioned spending 100k.

Costas posted saying up to 100k. Obviously this is a serious move to becoming a full time monk...right Costas?

I think if it were me, I would just go with the flow, spend what you feel comfortable spending for an 11 day stint in the wat.

Sometimes our partners can get a little carried away, this costs more usually. Let's face it, Thais love throwing parties and great parties usually cost a little more.

Me personally, would not let it get over 30k for only 11 days. NO WAY.

This would include a bottle of the best scotch I could find for me.(of course).

Kris, that's what his wife is suggesting......look at post 4.

Don't forget in the parts we live in, you invite 100 people and 1000 turn in.

And don't forget the OP is a farang.

Wife has to show big face to the rest of the village and the surrounding villages.

I suggested up to 100k, because I have come across similar celebrations where these money was spend.

And the fathers were not farangs.

[Pattszero]

That's handy you mentioned fathers who are not farangs. Is the OP aware that this is the fathers responsibility, not his? If the father is dead, it's the father's families responsibility?

What's the status of the father, OP?

[petejjj]

....my step son's paternal father is long gone, i.e. 16+ years ago, and has no connection to step son. Haven't seen him for dust!!

My wife's father, i.e. my father in-law passed away in 2007.

[Neeranam]

For 50 guests, plus the money for temple - total no more than 30k.

Why on earth are you being asked to pay for it? What about the boy's real father - is he laughing in the bar with his mates?

If you are so gullible to pay this ridiculous amount of cash then you'll be branded the farang idiot for the rest of your life.

This reputation will spread to the neigbouring villages and they'll all be coming to laugh at the farang while drinking his alcohol.

Are you happy with them all getting drunk for a religious festival? When I throw a party, I buy a couple of beers and whisky for the drinkers and if they want to get pissed they can buy their own bloody booze.

What you allow , you condone.

I recently paid 2000 baht for some monks to come and bless my house. My wife is preparing for the 1 year event which I disagree with so she has to do it with her own cash.

Has this stepson ever given you anything apart from disrespect - I thought so.

[Neeranam]

....my step son's paternal father is long gone, i.e. 16+ years ago, and has no connection to step son. Haven't seen him for dust!!

My wife's father, i.e. my father in-law passed away in 2007.

He'll be back when he hears about your extravagance generosity.

[petejjj]

...never said I'm happy to pay THB100k. Just asked the question as to what is typical and what takes place

[Pattszero]

....my step son's paternal father is long gone, i.e. 16+ years ago, and has no connection to step son. Haven't seen him for dust!!

My wife's father, i.e. my father in-law passed away in 2007.

It's still the responsibility of the wider Thai family, in particular the father's family. I don't think you are aware of the cultural importance of this event. If you were not on the scene there would still be a party and the wider family would have contributed. They would gladly have contributed as they would have regarded it as being a meritorious act.

As Neeranam pointed out, 30,000 baht would have been the going figure. I've been talking to people in Isaan and Uttaradit, Phrae areas in the last few minutes. They said that 50,000 baht would be extravagant, 100,000 baht absurd. A years wages for a Thai on a monk party? ridiculous.

Stand to side and watch what's really going on here. You are being victimized for something which has got nothing to do with you. This is a Thai cultural issue, a deep family issue. You are not family and you never will be. Hand this issue back to the family. It's nothing to do with you. You are not the father, and you never will be.

I'm prepared to put money on it that the boy doesn't even know your second name.

[Thaddeus]

....my step son's paternal father is long gone, i.e. 16+ years ago, and has no connection to step son. Haven't seen him for dust!!

My wife's father, i.e. my father in-law passed away in 2007.

It's still the responsibility of the wider Thai family, in particular the father's family. I don't think you are aware of the cultural importance of this event. If you were not on the scene there would still be a party and the wider family would have contributed. They would gladly have contributed as they would have regarded it as being a meritorious act.

As Neeranam pointed out, 30,000 baht would have been the going figure. I've been talking to people in Isaan and Uttaradit, Phrae areas in the last few minutes. They said that 50,000 baht would be extravagant, 100,000 baht absurd. A years wages for a Thai on a monk party? ridiculous.

Stand to side and watch what's really going on here. You are being victimized for something which has got nothing to do with you. This is a Thai cultural issue, a deep family issue. You are not family and you never will be. Hand this issue back to the family. It's nothing to do with you. You are not the father, and you never will be.

I'm prepared to put money on it that the boy doesn't even know your second name.

This one.