Thai men and their offspring - why do so many not care after a divorce?

[janpharma]

Thai men are just less susceptible to blackmail.

My former western wife tried it on with me, being a sensible Thai man, I just moved country.

They/we just place "not being a pussy whipped doormat" above "being a dad".

Sounds like a loser attitude, real men take care of their kids.

The women don't care, the courts don't care, it appears the men aren't needed, just their wallets.

And if the man's wallet goes, it's replaced by a government wallet.

So explain why "real men take care of their kids" when nobody appears to want them to do that.

Seems to me the losers are the guys that hang around to endure the shit heaped on them.

"And if the man's wallet goes, it's replaced by a government wallet"...Is this why so many ladies are desperatly looking for a farang to "take care"???

[Datebayo]

Cuz most of Thai culture is still in ancient times. Just f around, no worries. Unless you marry the girl first, the guys don't see any need to take care of the child.

[gemguy]

Thai men are just less susceptible to blackmail.

My former western wife tried it on with me, being a sensible Thai man, I just moved country.

They/we just place "not being a pussy whipped doormat" above "being a dad".

Sounds like a loser attitude, real men take care of their kids.

Have to agree with that.

Although all too many men in the western societies are financially over burdened by paying child support payments that are often enough deemed unreasonable it is not unreasonable for the father of the children to financially support the children that he produced.

It is pretty simple.

If you fathered the children then you are responsible for their well being and obviously that means having to spend money on the children....regardless of your ongoing relationship, good or bad, with the ex wife or mother of the children.

[bkkgooner]

Thais are living very different lifes from what we think about family life in the west .

In my neighborhood , I see very young dads , maybe 17 or 18 year olds , and most of them enjoy to play with their kids and take care of them. But if things gets complicated some of them will look for an easy escape. But remember most Thais have a big, extended family, so someone will take care of the kids, that's the good thing about living in a big family here. So what about the father? He will maybe find another woman and have more kids, and if necessary repeat all over again.

This is the Thai life that most westerners cannot understand.

I think we do understand it it's just that we don't condone. This thing of letting the older extended family members raise your child is such a cop out.

[Paulzed]

"The shorter, plump dark lady with two dark skinned kids and a white dad. You just know he is not the father".

I have to give you 8 out of 10 for this astute observation.

Love it!!!

[gemguy]

Please remove.

Why? Is it not a legitimate observation? How many high profile custody court cases have you read about in Thailand where the father is fighting for custody for visitation rights? I haven't. Why?

Possibly because the Thai cultural attitude is such that it is believed that women take care of the children and child rearing is the woman's responsibility while the men....well they just do what they want to do anyhow.

I have personally met many Thai women with children and they have told me the father is not part of their life and or the children's life while most of them are more than content to raise the child or children without the help of the father or the fathers presence.

They do not even know where the father is and they seem to not care at all about raising their children without a father figure in the children's life.

They have possession of the child or children and that is the most important thing of all.

You have to admire the women in that respect while the men, all to often, are to be somewhat loathed, in that respect.

[CockneyGit]

Thai men are just less susceptible to blackmail.

My former western wife tried it on with me, being a sensible Thai man, I just moved country.

They/we just place "not being a pussy whipped doormat" above "being a dad".

Sounds like a loser attitude, real men take care of their kids.

The women don't care, the courts don't care, it appears the men aren't needed, just their wallets.

And if the man's wallet goes, it's replaced by a government wallet.

So explain why "real men take care of their kids" when nobody appears to want them to do that.

Seems to me the losers are the guys that hang around to endure the shit heaped on them.

Judging by your comments on this topic AOA, can I presume you don't have kids yourself..??

[JimMagee]

Un-freaking-believable the types of replies on this thread. The OP asks a legitimate question, and all you TV surfers can do is make stupid remarks, and attempt to be funny. I see many of the stupid remarks coming from the same set of TV users. These people must spend all day waiting for a new post so they can attempt to ridicule, degrade, or make an attempt to be funny. Get a life! If you don't have anything constructive to say, then say nothing! It is this stupidity that degrades this forum and makes it nearly worthless.

In response to the OP's question: There are Thai laws that require the father of the child to provide support, however, there is not attempt to enforce them. Most of the police that may to the enforcing are probably in the same situation. I have had this discussion with my wife, and she says that the fathers just are too small to accept the responsibility and would rather walk away and pretend the children don't exist. I agree that this is has a terrible effect on society. But, if the Thai government had to provide financial support to these fatherless children, you'd bet that suddenly there would be enforcement of support. That is the main motivation of western governments to enforce support so the government doesn't have to dole out the money.

On a related issue, think how many less girls there would be working in bars if the fathers stepped up and paid support. This is another approach to reducing prostitution in Thailand - enforce child support laws, and the girls may stay home and take care of their babies.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Another pathetic attempt to slate the thais - I know plenty of 'western' men that don't give a monkies about their children and in todays paper one charming western specimen threw his wife down the stairs in an attempt to abort their baby which he obviously wasn't too chuffed about.

Men are men they are no worse in one country than another but hey any chance to bash the thais on TV eh !!

The danger being he didn't, but she claimed he did.

How would you know, no witnesses and I'm betting he didn't say he did that.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

It's a cultural thing, pretty much the same in most Asian countries, I see western men in Japan try to get access to their children and every obstacle is put in their way. But easy on western women, not all men give up everything to see their children, it's changing with shared custody but still many men don't pay maintainece. And many men & women don't fight tooth & nail for their " share" of the child's life .thai women will take children of the marriage home to the parents & move on with their lives , most Asian women do not like their new husband to have anything to do with children of previous relationship . It's over move on.

In the west there are 3 reasons to deny the man access.

1. MONEY, child maintenance and welfare, you get a lot more if you have 100% custody.

2. HOUSE, you get the house outright with 100% custody.

3. PAIN, you get to torture and control your former partner by denying access to the children.

I've not noticed any change in the west, the woman still gets 100% custody if she wants it, which in most cases she does.

It's not really about the child, it's about money and control of the man.

[morrobay]

Most Thia girls I meet that have kids I always ask do there father help you with money I never had one say yes. Usual reply is they have new family go fig

Thats allright, with the exception of the upper class Chinese Thais, these single mothers and children are alot better off without this Thai father around.

[benalibina]

Thais are living very different lifes from what we think about family life in the west .

In my neighborhood , I see very young dads , maybe 17 or 18 year olds , and most of them enjoy to play with their kids and take care of them. But if things gets complicated some of them will look for an easy escape. But remember most Thais have a big, extended family, so someone will take care of the kids, that's the good thing about living in a big family here. So what about the father? He will maybe find another woman and have more kids, and if necessary repeat all over again.

This is the Thai life that most westerners cannot understand.

Yes this is the thai life westerners not understand. Only when it happens to them. Those big extented families, usually poor and scarcely educated, contain of people raised in dysfunctional families themselves, most likely many of them divorced as well now, and they are the ones raising, well....not so much raising, more looking after, familymembers kids. So the cycle of dysfunctionality continues. Poor kids, i say !

As this seems to be a quite a known fact, rural and relatively uneducated thai guys leaving their kids, i truly wonder if there must, maybe, not an other common reason why they left their kids and afterwards dont seem to care.

Edited June 15, 2014 by benalibina

[morrobay]

Thais are living very different lifes from what we think about family life in the west .

In my neighborhood , I see very young dads , maybe 17 or 18 year olds , and most of them enjoy to play with their kids and take care of them. But if things gets complicated some of them will look for an easy escape. But remember most Thais have a big, extended family, so someone will take care of the kids, that's the good thing about living in a big family here. So what about the father? He will maybe find another woman and have more kids, and if necessary repeat all over again.

This is the Thai life that most westerners cannot understand.

Yes this is the thai life westerners not understand. Only when it happens to them. Those big extented families, usually poor and scarcely educated, contain of people raised in dysfunctional families themselves, most likely many of them divorced as well now, and they are the ones raising, well....not so much raising, more looking after, familymembers kids. So the cycle of dysfunctionality continues. Poor kids, i say !

As this seems to be a quite a known fact, rural and relatively uneducated thai guys leaving their kids, i truly wonder if there must, maybe, not an other common reason why they left their kids and afterwards dont seem to care.

Some other common reason called selfish, non caring, irresponsibility

[benalibina]

Thais are living very different lifes from what we think about family life in the west .

In my neighborhood , I see very young dads , maybe 17 or 18 year olds , and most of them enjoy to play with their kids and take care of them. But if things gets complicated some of them will look for an easy escape. But remember most Thais have a big, extended family, so someone will take care of the kids, that's the good thing about living in a big family here. So what about the father? He will maybe find another woman and have more kids, and if necessary repeat all over again.

This is the Thai life that most westerners cannot understand.

Yes this is the thai life westerners not understand. Only when it happens to them. Those big extented families, usually poor and scarcely educated, contain of people raised in dysfunctional families themselves, most likely many of them divorced as well now, and they are the ones raising, well....not so much raising, more looking after, familymembers kids. So the cycle of dysfunctionality continues. Poor kids, i say !

As this seems to be a quite a known fact, rural and relatively uneducated thai guys leaving their kids, i truly wonder if there must, maybe, not an other common reason why they left their kids and afterwards dont seem to care.

Some other common reason called selfish, non caring, irresponsibility

My bad, sorry.......apart from what you wrote above because that are the standard replies....just wondering if there must not be another factor of why it seems they are what you stated above. Just wondering about it because of personal experience and of what i witnessed myself over the years. If there isnt another reason then there isnt.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Thais are living very different lifes from what we think about family life in the west .

In my neighborhood , I see very young dads , maybe 17 or 18 year olds , and most of them enjoy to play with their kids and take care of them. But if things gets complicated some of them will look for an easy escape. But remember most Thais have a big, extended family, so someone will take care of the kids, that's the good thing about living in a big family here. So what about the father? He will maybe find another woman and have more kids, and if necessary repeat all over again.

This is the Thai life that most westerners cannot understand.

Yes this is the thai life westerners not understand. Only when it happens to them. Those big extented families, usually poor and scarcely educated, contain of people raised in dysfunctional families themselves, most likely many of them divorced as well now, and they are the ones raising, well....not so much raising, more looking after, familymembers kids. So the cycle of dysfunctionality continues. Poor kids, i say !

As this seems to be a quite a known fact, rural and relatively uneducated thai guys leaving their kids, i truly wonder if there must, maybe, not an other common reason why they left their kids and afterwards dont seem to care.

Most of the extended Thai families are far less dysfunctional than an inner city family from the west.

Just because their way of life is different, doesn't mean it's worse.

[Chao Lao Beach]

In my eyes, the OP is spot on.

[CharlesHH]

An important Thailand topic because if Thailand had a "dead beat dad" law forcing the fathers to support with money their children, there would be lots fewer young Thai mothers doing desperate things to get money to care for their children..... abandoned by their fathers.

A DEAD BEAT DAD law in Thailand, strongly enforced, would do more to relieve stressed Thai women/mothers than any other effort.

All the do good people who try to reduce numbers of Thai ladies who work at night, could just agitate for laws to cover Dead Beat Dads and see an immediate improvement in women's lives.

Such a law, if created by Thailand, would not be cultural imperialism; the foreign do gooders, however, do that all the time.

[benalibina]

Thais are living very different lifes from what we think about family life in the west .

In my neighborhood , I see very young dads , maybe 17 or 18 year olds , and most of them enjoy to play with their kids and take care of them. But if things gets complicated some of them will look for an easy escape. But remember most Thais have a big, extended family, so someone will take care of the kids, that's the good thing about living in a big family here. So what about the father? He will maybe find another woman and have more kids, and if necessary repeat all over again.

This is the Thai life that most westerners cannot understand.

Yes this is the thai life westerners not understand. Only when it happens to them. Those big extented families, usually poor and scarcely educated, contain of people raised in dysfunctional families themselves, most likely many of them divorced as well now, and they are the ones raising, well....not so much raising, more looking after, familymembers kids. So the cycle of dysfunctionality continues. Poor kids, i say !

As this seems to be a quite a known fact, rural and relatively uneducated thai guys leaving their kids, i truly wonder if there must, maybe, not an other common reason why they left their kids and afterwards dont seem to care.

Most of the extended Thai families are far less dysfunctional than an inner city family from the west.

Just because their way of life is different, doesn't mean it's worse.

Pity that you not understood my post. Dont understand what the West has got to do with it. But as you are halve Thai, could you answer the question i posted above. Thanks.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Pity that you not understood my post. Dont understand what the West has got to do with it. But as you are halve Thai, could you answer the question i posted above. Thanks.

The families aren't dysfunctional, they are just different from your expectations.

Thais don't feel it is all that important for the birth mother and father to raise their children.

Anyone in the family can do it equally well.

I have an aunt and uncle who were schoolteachers, couldn't have their own kids.

They have raised 5 or 6 kids handed to them by family members who didn't want to bring up the kids themselves.

The kids are happy, the parents are happy, aunt and uncle are happy.

Your western idea of raising a family is not the only way.

You should read the thread on cultural imperialism.

[benalibina]

Pity that you not understood my post. Dont understand what the West has got to do with it. But as you are halve Thai, could you answer the question i posted above. Thanks.

The families aren't dysfunctional, they are just different from your expectations.

Thais don't feel it is all that important for the birth mother and father to raise their children.

Anyone in the family can do it equally well.

I have an aunt and uncle who were schoolteachers, couldn't have their own kids.

They have raised 5 or 6 kids handed to them by family members who didn't want to bring up the kids themselves.

The kids are happy, the parents are happy, aunt and uncle are happy.

Your western idea of raising a family is not the only way.

You should read the thread on cultural imperialism.

I didnt ask an explanation about that, i asked something else. More related to the topic. Thanks again.

[snottgoblin]

Un-freaking-believable the types of replies on this thread. The OP asks a legitimate question, and all you TV surfers can do is make stupid remarks, and attempt to be funny. I see many of the stupid remarks coming from the same set of TV users. These people must spend all day waiting for a new post so they can attempt to ridicule, degrade, or make an attempt to be funny. Get a life! If you don't have anything constructive to say, then say nothing! It is this stupidity that degrades this forum and makes it nearly worthless.

In response to the OP's question: There are Thai laws that require the father of the child to provide support, however, there is not attempt to enforce them. Most of the police that may to the enforcing are probably in the same situation. I have had this discussion with my wife, and she says that the fathers just are too small to accept the responsibility and would rather walk away and pretend the children don't exist. I agree that this is has a terrible effect on society. But, if the Thai government had to provide financial support to these fatherless children, you'd bet that suddenly there would be enforcement of support. That is the main motivation of western governments to enforce support so the government doesn't have to dole out the money.

On a related issue, think how many less girls there would be working in bars if the fathers stepped up and paid support. This is another approach to reducing prostitution in Thailand - enforce child support laws, and the girls may stay home and take care of their babies.

Did you ever consider the fact that the thread was set up to criticise and ridicule Thais? Whereustay has a proven track record of this, hence a lot of the replies

As for your last paragraph, maybe a bit more education might be a better starting point.

[belg]

thai men just move on and they know a farang ATM buffalo will pick up the tab for them

[benalibina]

Un-freaking-believable the types of replies on this thread. The OP asks a legitimate question, and all you TV surfers can do is make stupid remarks, and attempt to be funny. I see many of the stupid remarks coming from the same set of TV users. These people must spend all day waiting for a new post so they can attempt to ridicule, degrade, or make an attempt to be funny. Get a life! If you don't have anything constructive to say, then say nothing! It is this stupidity that degrades this forum and makes it nearly worthless.

In response to the OP's question: There are Thai laws that require the father of the child to provide support, however, there is not attempt to enforce them. Most of the police that may to the enforcing are probably in the same situation. I have had this discussion with my wife, and she says that the fathers just are too small to accept the responsibility and would rather walk away and pretend the children don't exist. I agree that this is has a terrible effect on society. But, if the Thai government had to provide financial support to these fatherless children, you'd bet that suddenly there would be enforcement of support. That is the main motivation of western governments to enforce support so the government doesn't have to dole out the money.

On a related issue, think how many less girls there would be working in bars if the fathers stepped up and paid support. This is another approach to reducing prostitution in Thailand - enforce child support laws, and the girls may stay home and take care of their babies.

Did you ever consider the fact that the thread was set up to criticise and ridicule Thais? Whereustay has a proven track record of this, hence a lot of the replies

As for your last paragraph, maybe a bit more education might be a better starting point.

What is it all about with some of you people regarding the OP ? If you consider him a tosser, just dont comment on his threads. Better to look at a topic and then form your opinion about it and if you have something relevant to write, write it. If you only want to slag off a member, dont write anything but use the PM

function.

Kapom.

[RikDao]

Sometimes I can't stand reading TV threads because of all the petty negativity, which is probably a reflection on me. That is, I tend to be sarcastic myself, but my Thai wife is attempting to slowly wean me from this tendancy, for which I thank her. I bring this up because after reading the first few posts, I realize I want to throw in a comment but I don't want to read all the negative back and forth stuff, so I skip to the end of the thread and try to bring up a point that's perhaps already been made. So, here goes...

My wife has a few female friends in this unfortunate situation, with the dad being gone and not paying for the kids, etc. In most cases, the guy was cheating on the woman, so she's glad to see him gone anyway. And the guy? He doesn't pay child support because he doesn't have any blinking money, and he's lost face with the family as well. Therefore, right or wrong, he's gone. Of course, not all of the guys are like this.

I know this situation brings a lot of anger and sadness to the women, I can feel it and I can see it in their faces, but I've never heard a woman admit it out loud, not to me, that is.

[neverdie]

Please remove.

Why? Is it not a legitimate observation? How many high profile custody court cases have you read about in Thailand where the father is fighting for custody for visitation rights? I haven't. Why?

Why? ... because you don't read Thai.

Oh go on ... tell us you are, apart form a Social Demography expert ... you are also fluent in the written Thai Language.

.

So fluent he refused to communicate

[snottgoblin]

Un-freaking-believable the types of replies on this thread. The OP asks a legitimate question, and all you TV surfers can do is make stupid remarks, and attempt to be funny. I see many of the stupid remarks coming from the same set of TV users. These people must spend all day waiting for a new post so they can attempt to ridicule, degrade, or make an attempt to be funny. Get a life! If you don't have anything constructive to say, then say nothing! It is this stupidity that degrades this forum and makes it nearly worthless.

In response to the OP's question: There are Thai laws that require the father of the child to provide support, however, there is not attempt to enforce them. Most of the police that may to the enforcing are probably in the same situation. I have had this discussion with my wife, and she says that the fathers just are too small to accept the responsibility and would rather walk away and pretend the children don't exist. I agree that this is has a terrible effect on society. But, if the Thai government had to provide financial support to these fatherless children, you'd bet that suddenly there would be enforcement of support. That is the main motivation of western governments to enforce support so the government doesn't have to dole out the money.

On a related issue, think how many less girls there would be working in bars if the fathers stepped up and paid support. This is another approach to reducing prostitution in Thailand - enforce child support laws, and the girls may stay home and take care of their babies.

Did you ever consider the fact that the thread was set up to criticise and ridicule Thais? Whereustay has a proven track record of this, hence a lot of the replies

As for your last paragraph, maybe a bit more education might be a better starting point.

What is it all about with some of you people regarding the OP ? If you consider him a tosser, just dont comment on his threads. Better to look at a topic and then form your opinion about it and if you have something relevant to write, write it. If you only want to slag off a member, dont write anything but use the PM

function.

Kapom.

Are you a wannabe mod? Or an ex school prefect?

[tifino]

Wife's sister's ex.

both Thai

She booted him out 22 years ago in BKK.

She, much later, comes to OZ, & gets married to farang.

She owns 2 houses (Bkk & out West), and had had 2 of her kids with him.

He never, never supported, but remained always popping in, and asking her for handouts

This year 2014, she's tried to sell her houses.

Ex finds out she never actually Divorced him properly, all those years ago.

He tries to kill her, for the houses, as he determined he 'still' had a husband-right to all her property, even though it was all bought (after) she pissed him off.

His youngest is now 23, and recently went back to Thailand, to do the 3 month'n'monk thing, to avoid going into the Army.

Ex-dude was trying to be all over his Ex, as if he's still married, all this during the days of Ceremony.

Farang hubby didn't let her out of his sight, as she's not the type to fend for herself.

Dude's finally been banished by all the family, after she finally got her Divorce done a couple of months ago,

and she finally built up the courage,

above and beyond her lost-face, to tell all about what (the Life attempt) her 'Ex' had tried on her.

Her Ex (yep he is her Ex, now), never did anything for the kids, but did only for whatever he could scheme - to drain everything from her

p.s. (her Farang hubby still to this day doesn't know wife was technically married for these 10 years.)

Edited June 15, 2014 by tifino

[benalibina]

Un-freaking-believable the types of replies on this thread. The OP asks a legitimate question, and all you TV surfers can do is make stupid remarks, and attempt to be funny. I see many of the stupid remarks coming from the same set of TV users. These people must spend all day waiting for a new post so they can attempt to ridicule, degrade, or make an attempt to be funny. Get a life! If you don't have anything constructive to say, then say nothing! It is this stupidity that degrades this forum and makes it nearly worthless.

In response to the OP's question: There are Thai laws that require the father of the child to provide support, however, there is not attempt to enforce them. Most of the police that may to the enforcing are probably in the same situation. I have had this discussion with my wife, and she says that the fathers just are too small to accept the responsibility and would rather walk away and pretend the children don't exist. I agree that this is has a terrible effect on society. But, if the Thai government had to provide financial support to these fatherless children, you'd bet that suddenly there would be enforcement of support. That is the main motivation of western governments to enforce support so the government doesn't have to dole out the money.

On a related issue, think how many less girls there would be working in bars if the fathers stepped up and paid support. This is another approach to reducing prostitution in Thailand - enforce child support laws, and the girls may stay home and take care of their babies.

Did you ever consider the fact that the thread was set up to criticise and ridicule Thais? Whereustay has a proven track record of this, hence a lot of the replies

As for your last paragraph, maybe a bit more education might be a better starting point.

What is it all about with some of you people regarding the OP ? If you consider him a tosser, just dont comment on his threads. Better to look at a topic and then form your opinion about it and if you have something relevant to write, write it. If you only want to slag off a member, dont write anything but use the PM

function.

Kapom.

Are you a wannabe mod? Or an ex school prefect?

No, only a member bored of reading yours and others unavoidable personal comments regarding this OP on many threads. It was only a friendly request from me. Nothing more.

[DeepInTheForest]

And Siddhartha Gautama (Buddha) looked down at his newly born child, & said, this child will be a ball & chain to me, binding me to my wife. So he got on his horse and he rode off into the night leaving both his wife & child behind. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R%C4%81hula

Now this is interesting, 711. Wonder how much of a role this plays in behavior... ?

Edited June 15, 2014 by DeepInTheForest

[neverdie]

Un-freaking-believable the types of replies on this thread. The OP asks a legitimate question, and all you TV surfers can do is make stupid remarks, and attempt to be funny. I see many of the stupid remarks coming from the same set of TV users. These people must spend all day waiting for a new post so they can attempt to ridicule, degrade, or make an attempt to be funny. Get a life! If you don't have anything constructive to say, then say nothing! It is this stupidity that degrades this forum and makes it nearly worthless.

In response to the OP's question: There are Thai laws that require the father of the child to provide support, however, there is not attempt to enforce them. Most of the police that may to the enforcing are probably in the same situation. I have had this discussion with my wife, and she says that the fathers just are too small to accept the responsibility and would rather walk away and pretend the children don't exist. I agree that this is has a terrible effect on society. But, if the Thai government had to provide financial support to these fatherless children, you'd bet that suddenly there would be enforcement of support. That is the main motivation of western governments to enforce support so the government doesn't have to dole out the money.

On a related issue, think how many less girls there would be working in bars if the fathers stepped up and paid support. This is another approach to reducing prostitution in Thailand - enforce child support laws, and the girls may stay home and take care of their babies.

Did you ever consider the fact that the thread was set up to criticise and ridicule Thais? Whereustay has a proven track record of this, hence a lot of the replies

As for your last paragraph, maybe a bit more education might be a better starting point.

What is it all about with some of you people regarding the OP ? If you consider him a tosser, just dont comment on his threads. Better to look at a topic and then form your opinion about it and if you have something relevant to write, write it. If you only want to slag off a member, dont write anything but use the PM

function.

Kapom.

So it's okay for you to accept the OP's agenda driven anti Thai rants but others don't agree with that. Capiche?