MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male

astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem

cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

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KEN Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny

Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use

Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

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MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen

Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

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JACK Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World

Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet

he wished he had a hard on now."

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CHRIS Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on

This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed

last night."

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WINNING Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's

formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes

what he sees."

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ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond "Well

Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

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CRICKETER Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire

match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he

just tossed it off."

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CLAIR Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:

"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

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JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What

does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

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STEVE Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better

today after a 69."

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THE new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath

away..."My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

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WILLIE Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big

race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about

coming from different positions."

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CARENZA Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live

said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

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A FEMALE news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed

and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that

eight inches you promised me last night?"

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US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is

playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls

and kisses them .... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

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METRO radio commentating on West Ham Utd - "Julian Dicks is

everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

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HARRY Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't

that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the

Oxford crew."

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TED Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse.

I once rode her mother."

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NEW Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl

Gibson comes inside of him."

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PAT Glenn - Weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from

Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

PAT Glenn - Weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from

Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

Thats a peach